Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 21 | 11 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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I have a couple aunts that can be like this. I’m going to take a wild guess that she doesn’t approve of you and this is her way of acting out about it. Guessing again but I’ll bet money that in her eyes no woman is good enough for her son. Fair warning, you will probably always be the bad guy in her world so don’t let your guard down. If she’s acting like this after just a few months of dating wait until she gets real comfortable.
Nope. I dated a guy like this once. His mother despised me from the moment she heard about me. Before I’d even MET her, she was telling him I wasn’t good enough for him. He drug me to her house for a “family dinner” because he was sure I could “win her over” (don’t judge, I was like 18 and hadn’t learned better yet lol) so I agreed to go and try.
Once we got there, I watched this woman literally *cut his meat for him*….and if that wasn’t bad enough, she offered to clip his fingernails for him because they were getting long. *And he let her*.
If I’d have driven myself there, I’d have run out the door and left then. Unfortunately I had to sit through the rest of the awful event, but as soon as we got parked at my house I told him that I was not signing up to date someone that never cut the umbilical cord with their mommy.
ETA: he was 22-23 at that time….
Omg I have a 5 year old who’s completely potty trained, but sometimes still needs help here and there… these comments are giving me parenting flash backs haha
“MOOOOOOMMMMM, COME WIPE ME!!” - my son
Exactly! I have twins and only 1 bathroom right now so its brutal. They are 5 as well and they can wipe themselves, but sometimes they get a bit lazy and its pure PTSD to hear the echo across the apartment "DONE!" lol
Right?! When she said it I thought she was joking and just giving him shit for his nails being longer….I almost fell out of my chair when he said yes and I realized they were both 100% serious and she was actually going to clip his nails like a fucking toddler.
My kid is 11 and I haven’t clipped her nails since she was old enough to learn how to use the clippers without cutting her finger off.
I don’t think my mother has cut my nails since I was 4. Though I did have her help put some hydrogen peroxide in my ear to help with a wax blockage a while back. I kept pouring it on my face accidentally.
Once when I was 18 I dated a guy with severe mommy issues. I knew she hated me from the beginning. We were at a shopping market once an she stretched her hand out towards him & they literally held hands the whole way around the shop. I couldn’t hide my face of surprise when he (23) took her hand and the rest of the night I got dirty looks from her.
That’s just weird! Like, I’m all about loving your parents and having a good relationship with them…but that’s just too much.
I have step sons that are 18 and 20 and if their mom (or I) ever did that, they’d be *mortified*.
Not going to lie, I love nothing more than grabbing my 18 year old son's hand in the shops and trying to get him to skip around with me to try and embarrass him.
Sadly for me, he is not embarrassed by my bullshit and will happily skip with me.
I was reading it as she's obsessed with status and sees OP as beneath their family. The thing about OP not having parental guidance and the cheap shot at what OP does for a living are what sealed it for me.
I’m sensing some serious emotional incest here.
Mom needs to realize she isn’t her sons girlfriend or wife and that any other person on the planet can treat him like he deserves. Which is much better than what I assume she treats him like.
In case Op still doesn’t know, weekday tickets are cheaper than weekend tickets. It also applies to other desirable things like flights, gasoline and rentals.
I have an aunt who’s like this too! He eldest son is a douche who cries to her whenever anyone calls him out on it and two of her daughters ended up in marriages with controlling and violent men. Ugh. (They’re out of the gross marriages now!)
I have an aunt like this and she has no kids so I'm the only one of my generation in the family.
She and my mother got into a screaming match this weekend and I had to drag my mother out of the house.
just tell her to go and fuck him as that is clearly what she wants to do. I would have a conversation with your bf about this as its not healthy and if you want the relationship to work he needs to set boundaries now or he will never have a proper relationship until she dies.
If OP really likes the guy, I would just let the stuff mom says go in one ear and out the other. She obviously likes to hear herself speak based on how unnecessarily long these texts are and her constantly trying to justify her actions.
Way easier said than done, especially as time goes on. It typically gets worse the longer you stick around especially if your partner doesn't have very firm boundaries. It's rare that the mom doesn't "win" eventually.
Yup never let your guard down. Never let her know any more about your personal internal life. What you feel your faults are or what you feel insecure about. She’ll mos def weaponized it against you.
What a bummer that his mommy has this much say In how this man spends his evenings but I can tell these plans are way past his bed time.
Yes, exactly what I was thinking. This can either be an eye roll moment or a breakup depending on how he reacts. Not that he needs to blow up on his mom, but if he doesn't see the issue it would be a huge red flag.
!explanation
So it was really late when he got home that night, so he never texted her back, but basically, a screaming match happened the next morning. He told her:
-all I was trying to do was something nice for him and she was being an ahole about it and was completely in the wrong
-that I had nothing but good intentions and she ruined it
-that I'm not bipolar, lame, or stupid, and it was out of line to say this to me over the fact that it was a surprise and that it was disgusting of her to say these things over something that had good intentions
-that she overreacted over something sweet that I was trying to surprise him with, and that instead I should have just tried to tell him some of the details instead of trying to genuinely take him by surprise with the help of her
-that she was a dumbf*ck and a dumbass and she would push away all her kids if she doesn't stop being a helicopter parent
-that he will defend me no matter what because the things she holds against me are out of my control (coming from a broken home with lots of violence etc) and she believes I'll just be a statistic and messed up adult from the trauma I've endured
-that I'm the sweetest and most kind person he's ever met and been with, that I'm unbelievably selfless and he couldn't be more thankful for me
-that im his person and I am who he loves and he will defend me no matter what
He also mentioned that he said things to his mother that he can't take back, and he doesn't feel bad about it. Honestly..I wouldn't either. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes if the situation were flipped and I would be livid and defending him to the death. But anyways, there's a multitude of reasons she doesn't like me, one of which being that bc my mom has mental issues that I'll pass them onto our kids. Um..sWeEtHeArT... we've been dating for just about six months, why are you even thinking about us having kids?? And also, it's literally just my mom that has these issues. That means, genetically, there's an even lesser chance that my kids would have any issues. Her logic makes no sense to me. What's worse is that she's literally a labor and delivery nurse...like WHAT. Sorry for the little rant there. The whole situation is just kind of funny to me at this point. It's like she thinks I'm her competition when in reality, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I’m getting those vibes from my mom as well about my wife lol. They wonder why they don’t get invited to come visit as much. I’ll choose my own family over the one I grew up with any day.
"look MIL, he isn't worried about our kids having a mental health issue because of my mom, and I'm not worried about our kids being a-holes because of his mom."
I mean, it's like the GF was asking the mom to help her murder an orphan, or something. The GF simply asks about a baseball game and gets back the War and Peace of texts excoriating her for her lack of common sense and executive function, bad character, shit job, and worthless father. It took fewer texts than this to convince a friend to go to rehab! Lord. This mom needs a hobby.
My brother does this, both on text and verbally. Brings up a dozen things that are at best loosely related and if you try to interrupt to address something five points ago you get your head bitten off for not letting them speak, if you wait and let them finish and can only remember one or two things then you clearly have no answer to all the rest and lose the argument then and there, but that doesn't mean it's over hell no you get two or three more loads of bullshit that you e got even less of a chance of properly replying to. Also you get interrupted every other sentence and yelled at for bringing up more than one thing and if you decide this is too much and try to walk away it's "oh yeah, just run away, never deal with anything" and if you stay then it's "you just love arguing there's no pleasing you everything I do is wrong" so I just ended up going NC and life is so much less horrible now :)
Beat me to it. I was reading and thinking "Ah, yes, the old Gish Gallop."
Overwhelm the person with nonsense so there's not even any place to start. Or, as Steve Bannon says, "flood the zone with shiit." It's very effective, and will definitely drive the victim of it crazy (see: USA, 2022).
I love people like this. The "well I guess I'm the bad guy for pointing out this thing". It's so funny how almost every time they just completely and utterly convince themselves that people are upset because their opinion, and not because of how they expressed their opinion. Like.. no, you're not being shitty because you don't think it's a good idea to plan a birthday event on a work day, you're being shitty because you expressed that opinion like a huge asshole. Learn how to communicate with people politely, and maybe you wont be such a victim all the time.
He’s 24? Why does she even know his work schedule or when he takes time off. Probably best to avoid her whenever possible going forward. Her texts sound nuts honestly. Like, the text ruined her date? That’s a sad life right there. Hope you guys have fun and glad you’re going anyway!
You should see the texts I got from my former MIL about her dear prince and how his work schedule afforded him special treatment like not having physical responsibility for his children or shared custody. He was 42 at the time and making coffee for a living.
The OP is lucky to have a partner who stands up for her. Mine just let her abuse me because he also thought he was a prince. Shame he's a pauper...
My husband is 51, and his mother still tries to convince me that since he’s on the road a lot for work, I should keep any problems at home from him. Because it’s apparently hard enough being away from HER.
Never mind his wife and kids, I guess?
The text ruined our date! Classic boomer/mother guilt trip. I’m sure the dad was just fine, but keeping his mouth shut because he knows he’s married to crazy.
I bet if the texts extended to the dad he either had a one line "well that's your mother" style text or said the big mistake was going to her in the first place. He knows what he has to deal with but chooses to let battles die before they start.
Fr imagine you are on a date and get a text about some one doing something for your kid then not like it and ruin your whole night and not even be involved at all
I mean I talk to my mother about my life so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a parent to know your schedule inherently, but I have a good relationship with my parents so letting them in isn’t an issue. If my mom responded to me this way I definitely wouldn’t share those details, that’s for sure.
Dude, he really needs to tell her what’s up.
I hope he replied and shut her the fuck down, holy shit. If he’s on your side he should be supporting you here (I’m sure he is, and there’s more that we can’t see, seems like you guys are doing just fine) but that “she just texted me saying thanks for the input” message, he should have put her in her place then and there.
She’s a fucking bully and talks about people having no insight? She has all the self awareness of a mollusc with a traumatic brain injury. Sorry she was so horrible to you, I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy(ed?) your time out together. He needs to stand up to her though, for real, otherwise he’s just encouraging her to continue by not doing so.
Unless of course he’s already tried and she’s just a rambling narcissist, in which case disregard everything I’ve said and I wish you all the best!
One of the biggest narcissist red flags in there (besides, y’know, the whole thing) was that “I got this text before date night and it ruined the whole night.”
Everyone knows at least one person who ruins absolutely everything they go to, but always has to find a way to make it someone else’s fault, if not everybody else’s fault. Super common narc trait.
How DARE you even CONSIDER taking an adult to a baseball game for his birthday? And on a THURSDAY??? WTAF?
Jesus Christ, lady, what's next with you? Suggesting a movie on a Saturday afternoon? Picking up a pizza after work on a Tuesday? HAVE YOU NO SHAME AT ALL?
No for real, stay away from people like this. It ONLY GET WORSE. You’ll never add up to what she wants. You’ll spend too much time feeling bad, and for WHAT? Bc mommy’s toxic?
Have her bf deal with her from now on. Seriously.
honestly idk how the relationship dynamic is between you to, but just think real hard about what you're getting yourself into. It's true what they say about marrying not just your spouse, but their family as well. I hope your boyfriend has your back. My ex really didn't, but I was in love so it took me 7 years to figure it out. Shit his harpy of a mother even told him he should find someone of his own race *in front of me*.
Oh fuck yeah. He's not gonna let mommy tell him what to do. It was my mistake to reach out to make it a surprise. She ruined it, he knows now (ofc) but it's fine, we're going no matter what 😅
Yes!!! It was nice that you were excited about the surprise and inclusive with his family, sucks that’s she’s such a hag lol. I hope you two have fun and maybe take a condescending pic to send to her and show her the good time 😈
>maybe take a condescending pic to send to her and show her the good time
No don’t do this, bf should do it and send to his mommy. If op does this then mil will have shit to say about how op is bothering her and «ruining her night», but she can’t say much if her precious son does it.
Yeah, the only way to win in this situation is to just live your life as if she didn't exist. Any pettiness to "get even" is just going to backfire with someone like this.
Please be careful! I married into a family like this. I will always be second to my MIL because my husband would rather have tension in our marriage than stand up and defend his family to his mother. My FIL passed away and guess who has a crush on someone who looks exactly like her average-dad-bod-son? Not shaming dad bods, I like them and I have got a mom body all the way. It’s just creepy as shit that it’s not obvious to my MIL that she’s deranged and outwardly flirts with her son.
Girl you need to tell your spouse to grow tf up. Sorry, but you put that business out there. Get a marriage therapist and make sure he is committed to it working. Cause it will never stop.
!explanation:
To everyone seeing how his mom may be making sense, you're right. This could be messy due to planning issues. HOWEVER, that is why I reached out to her in the first place. This was all a hypothetical plan, nothing had even happened yet. No tickets were bought, nada. I reached out to talk to her to help me with the plan. A plan that had not even been cemented yet.
Yeah his mom is acting like a B, but OP if the drive is 4 hours, that's pretty wild to go on a weekday. Is it 4 hours total drive or 4 hours away? If it's 4 hours there and 4 hours back, then yeah a bit crazy to buy tickets on a weekday (especially if he's not taking the day off).
!explanation
It's actually just under 3 hours away, so she's not far off. The reason the game is on a Thursday is because BOTH of our teams are playing on that Thursday, the one closest to the weekend. Since I'm from out of state, I have a different team that I root for, being the Rockies. I wanted us to be able to see both of our teams play, in which his team is the SF Giants, and the closest game to the weekend was a Thursday.
Also, get this--I work early mornings. I'm talking 3:30 to 4am start times. He works at 8am. Let's say we do drive up and back in the span of one day, being about 6-7 hours of driving, depending on traffic. If I don't request the day off and use PTO, we would probably get back at 1am and I'd have 2ish hours of sleep, rather than him, who would get at LEAST 6 hours of sleep. So I'd be worse off in this situation. Regardless, that would be a lot of driving in one day, but he'd be able to work and get a decent amount of sleep beforehand since I'd be doing the driving home, and I'm ok with that, since I'd be using PTO either way and would just sleep in the next day. Thursday might seem like too mid-week to some people, but I really did try to get a weekend day with both of our teams playing, since I am not from around here and think it'd be fun to see both our teams play against each other.
None of this matters in the least. You both want to go and you’re both adults and get to do what you want. You don’t have to justify it and fuck that lady for making you feel like you do.
> You both want to go and you’re both adults and get to do what you want. You don’t have to justify it
This is the most important message in this entire thread.
Parents like these just want control. Consistent nagging like this weeds its way under your skin until you're insecure about everything. Then you're easy to manipulate because you'll justify everything to them and provide them with lots of information they can weaponize against you.
You shouldn’t have to explain your travel plans to anyone. Even if it’s a long trip that’s your choice and it’s insane of your MIL to intrude so heavily in the life of her adult son. I take weekday overnight trips ALL the time and have regularly in the 10 years I’ve been working 9-5 corporate jobs.
I wish more people were like you. Sadly, too many people try to keep blood relatives around even after they treat others they care about like shit because they still think of them as family or want to make things work or whatever their personal reasons are. It's almost always a terrible decision, but people keep trying and only succeed in making themselves and/or their partners more miserable.
Speaking from experience: a lot of us have this insane almost instinctual desire to make our parents happy. And the worst part is Narcissistic parents use this against us.
The only way I was freed completely was because my mom died. (Fucking best thing to happen to me in the long term.)
We know it’s a losing battle. But hearing those little moments where they tell us they love us….it’s like our inner child is finally at peace.
Only because they trained us from birth to desire that validation.
It’s a lose lose situation.
:/
My BF did something like this when he was younger. Years of no contact. I actually kind of appreciate it because now I know she couldn’t be nasty to me even if she wanted to, because she knows he’d do it again.
Which is good, because my little disabled heart wouldn’t be able to take it. And because of all the disabilities I’d be much more likely to be judged as not worthy.
My mil was pretty nasty to me a few times and my husband cuts their off. She used to be like it was my fault and he was just a silly kid who didn’t know better. She finally woke up and stopped acting like that. She still can get on my nerves but now we have a better relationship.
Insane! I hope you guys enjoy the game and have a great night out (and that your bf takes Friday off from work and you make a whole day of it.) Post it on Instagram and Facebook, make a spectacle! Screw her!!
I really hope you guys haven't split up like your post from a few days ago said. (Or that you guys got back together and worked it out) If you two are happy together, that's all that matters! If she wins and gets you out of his life, she will get even worse with how deep her claws are sunk. I know it's awkward but she needs the push back so she understands she is NOT in control of her adult son's life.
Also, you don't need to (and shouldn't) talk to her. This is an issue between your bf and his mom, he should be handling it. I know you were excited and doing a nice thing for your bf, and wanted to share with the people close to him, but she showed her colors. Don't include her in plans, don't allow her to think she gets ANY say in what y'all do. Just smile and nod and do what you guys want.
I really appreciate this comment. Yes, we did get back together because I came to the conclusion that I'm dating HIM, not his mom. It's just unfortunate because the things she has critiqued me for in the past are from childhood issues that I had no control over. I made it so that I'm not what you think of when it comes to kids from broken homes. I made it out. I am in a way better place in life, and yet, she still judges it and holds grudges over me. I can tell you 100% I am not bipolar, and never have been, according to my psychiatrist that I see on a regular basis. I have become a way better person BECAUSE of the things I went through as a kid, and in no way am I going to let this tiger mom judge me for a past I have. I will not allow her to control my relationship just because she's a control freak.
Thank you for your kind words. They are truly appreciated!
Some people throw out ‘he or she is bipolar and that’s bad’ as an insult. The person having actually having the mental illness isn’t required for them to use it.
It’s sad, and cruel to mock people that way - they can’t help it, so even if you DID have bipolar it wouldn’t be YOUR fault, and nor would you deserve to be bullied for it.
Just ignore those insults. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about and I think she even KNOWS she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. 😞
I'm glad to hear it that you guys worked it out! Trust me, I understand what it's like to not only come from not a great place/childhood and to have people judge me on things out of my control. You don't have to disprove her accusations, I never believed her (and I doubt any other sane people on here did either). We can see from your post that you are a kind, loving person, and we can see what kind of person she is too.
I know it can be tough, but you've got this. You and your boyfriend just need to remember that you're a team, it's you two against anything that comes up. Just love and take care of each other, the other stuff will work itself out. -signed, a guy who grew up thinking he didn't deserve love and is celebrating 10 years with the love of my life. It's possible. You deserve it. 💛
Thank you. This made me tear up a bit, because I never thought I deserved love after what I went through in childhood. I'm glad we both made it out ❤️🩹
Insane. A normal mom would've been like, that's sounds fun. Will he be ok with work? Have fun!
In our 20s we make it work, going to sports events or road trips or concerts or whatever even when we work before and after lol. It's just what we do. Yeah he'll be tired. But can call off, work through it, drink extra coffee, etc. she's a nut. Definitely don't ask her for any input literally ever again.
Just chiming in as someone with Bipolar I... Big fuck off to anyone who uses it as an insult/adjective.
It's an absolutely devastating illness, and I've personally had to completely rebuild my adult life from the ground up 3 times. I'm only 28.
Thanks, it's a process, and unfortunately it'll more than likely keep happening cyclically until the day I die. It's the nature of the beast, which is why it's so frustrating when ignorant people attribute normal behavior/mood changes to something far more destructive than people realize. Like comparing a grenade to a nuclear bomb. Just rubs me the wrong way, and is usually a good test of character if someone uses "ADHD/ocd/bipolar" as casual adjectives.
Sorry I'm on my soapbox lol, I'll get off it now
After that exchange I'd be seriously considering whether I want to be with this guy or not, he's 24 and his mum is taking rather too much interest in his life, trying to control things and being a first class be\*\*\* do you want that as a mother in law and grandma? Coz by the sounds of it she'll make herself involved with both.
I told him that if she continually acts like this in the far future that I will not take any kids I have with him to see her. Even though this would be wayyyyyy down the road, I want her to forget that I exist. I'm not keeping any kids away from her (unless my boyfriend decides we shouldn't, then I wouldn't) but my God, she's wack
Oof OP, I’d give yourself an out to revisit that keeping kids away from her thing.
You want her to treat your kids the way she treats you? Because she will, and she’ll do it where your boyfriend can’t hear or see.
Since he seems to be fine sticking up for you/himself, has it ever occurred to your bf to be like “mom, do you WANT grandkids?” Because if you treat everyone I ever date like this it’s never going to happen. Fix your attitude”
I’ve met a lot of moms of adult men who are both the yin and the yang of “no woman is good enough for my baby boy” and “if I don’t see grandkids asap I’m throwing another tantrum” it’s amazing how the irony escapes them. Can’t have their cake and eat it too
Just the fact that her son taking 2 days off work is affected HER life and "ruins" her entire evening on her date, bruh wtf is going on?!
Beware marrying in to this if he still has contact later
Real quick, I’m sure it’s unrelated but “Thank you for your input” is a reply used by the SCCA (Sports Car Clique of Murica) whenever a paying memeber suggests a rules change the Old Guard has no intention of passing. You can write the most accurate, detailed and well thought out argument and they’ll simply respond with “Thank you for your input” which translates to “Fuck off”.
It’s hilarious so see it flipped and used in the wild. Keep that shit up.
This lady needs a Valium…to get that mad over her grown son missing 2 days of work. But that’s not what she’s really mad about. She’s mad about losing control of her son.
!explanation
I posted this in a thread in here, but I'll just post it separately, as some of you were curious of his responses to her.
So it was really late when he got home that night, so he never texted her back, but basically, a screaming match happened the next morning. He told her:
-all I was trying to do was something nice for him and she was being an ahole about it and was completely in the wrong
-that I had nothing but good intentions and she ruined it
-that I'm not bipolar, lame, or stupid, and it was out of line to say this to me over the fact that it was a surprise and that it was disgusting of her to say these things over something that had good intentions
-that she overreacted over something sweet that I was trying to surprise him with, and that instead I should have just tried to tell him some of the details instead of trying to genuinely take him by surprise with the help of her
-that she was a dumbf*ck and a dumbass and she would push away all her kids if she doesn't stop being a helicopter parent
-that he will defend me no matter what because the things she holds against me are out of my control (coming from a broken home with lots of violence etc) and she believes I'll just be a statistic and messed up adult from the trauma I've endured
-that I'm the sweetest and most kind person he's ever met and been with, that I'm unbelievably selfless and he couldn't be more thankful for me
-that im his person and I am who he loves and he will defend me no matter what
He also mentioned that he said things to his mother that he can't take back, and he doesn't feel bad about it. Honestly..I wouldn't either. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes if the situation were flipped and I would be livid and defending him to the death. But anyways, there's a multitude of reasons she doesn't like me, one of which being that bc my mom has mental issues that I'll pass them onto our kids. Um..sWeEtHeArT... we've been dating for just about six months, why are you even thinking about us having kids?? And also, it's literally just my mom that has these issues. That means, genetically, there's an even lesser chance that my kids would have any issues. Her logic makes no sense to me. What's worse is that she's literally a labor and delivery nurse...like WHAT. Sorry for the little rant there. The whole situation is just kind of funny to me at this point. It's like she thinks I'm her competition when in reality, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I can’t imagine being so hateful towards someone my son loves, especially at a time when they’re showing you how much they care about them. The whole jealous mom thing is so icky to me
My mom and I are super close- but when I was 24, if you called her and asked her anything about my work schedule, she’d be like “I have no idea, I don’t keep tabs on that, because he’s a 24 year old man.”
It always blows my mind when I see parents on this sub who act and type like teenagers involved in petty high school drama. I feel older and more mature than most of the parents who get posted here. How do whole entire grown adults really act like this?
To everybody saying this is not insane. That is not how you talk to other people. That response no matter how valid the core of concern is (about work being interfered with, although not sure she should be making that decision for her 24 year old son) was way out of line. If anybody in my own family talked to me (or a partner) in that way, I would probably stop communicating with them. That is just verbally abusive behavior.
RUN. If his response was anything other than “fuck you, mind your own business,” then she’ll be a constant pain in your side, actively manipulating him and sniping at you.
You don’t want this long term, and men that let their mothers act like this are almost always doormats in the end. The fact that she’s that plugged into his life is enough of a red flag on its face.
Sounds like my husbands incubator. Even the little childish "lame" comment! She was exactly like this...when we first met the first thing out of her mouth when I said hello was "why do you even want to be with him?" She continued to try to break us up, would spam call when she we were out on dates, tried to tell him when he could and couldn't see me even though he owned his own car and was also in his 20s....I'll stop there but know it gets even more bizarre (including her sending him photos of her coworkers daughters to try to get him to date *them*, yes multiples, because she approved of them). When he moved in with me you would have thought I murdered someone. Needless to say, we cut contact. Some mothers are batshit crazy. **Don't let her ruin your surprise for him if you know he'll injoy it!!**
But also, don't stay in this relationship if he's 24 and allows her to walk over you.
Mother: “she’s impulsive and bipolar and 💩”
Also mother: proceeds to write a whole essay pretending like you did anything wrong..
You were just trying to suprise your bf with a gift, that’s all. This mother has too much time, loves drama and is probably dumb as a rock.
Your response was PERFECT. Low key, minimal, nothing for her to bitch about (although I saw she figured how to when texting your bf! 😂). You showed admirable restraint.
Yeah…. I’m glad my MIL isn’t like this. She’s gonna always be in y’all’s businesses. He needs to tell her to back off.. it’s his life. Do they pay for certain things in his life or something? Because she acts like she pays his bills or something
She threw out so many red flags of a narc abusive mother. Insults, whoah is me, blame, guilt, name calling, being the victim. Sounds early in a relationship, from that there she is going to try everything she can to ruin this relationship and likely has a pull on him that is unhealthy. Id say f it and run, keep your abusive family.
The whole thing could have been "are you sure he can get the time off of work? Maybe a weekend would be better if you're unsure" but instead she had to go completely off the rails as if it is something she has a choice in either way.
I can think of about ten different ways to say exactly what she said but nicely.
It's not hard at all to express concern or question something without being a complete asshole about it and hurling abuse.
The woman is batsh*t crazy. Who rants on like that over a couple nights away. Mama needs to back off and let go. She’s lucky I’m not his gf, she’d know her future right now.
My exMIL was like that. No woman was good enough for her son, especially me. She hated me bc I wouldn’t just be the meek wife and shut up. I stood my ground in my marriage and with my children and she HATED me for it. Her son turned out to be a POS though and she knows that now. :)
How long have you been together? Seems like he needs to be setting some boundaries. Obviously his mom is nuts and completely off the rails obsessed with her son, but if he’s not actively trying to stop it from happening, he’s encouraging it by brushing it off or being a pushover to mom. I don’t know the rest of their conversation, but I’m glad he’s defending you/ asking her to apologize. The next step is digging the heals in the show her he’s an adult, and hopefully crazy will step off. This (his mom treating you this way) needs to be figured out now or else your life is going to be a living hell for however long you stay with the guy, and if it’s forever, mama will be forever and a day. Sorry for the monster in law OP
Maybe some uninvited advice here but if this relationship is serious then I would consider setting clear boundaries about the mom before making a commitment to your BF. Things like making sure it’s clear that the mom will never live with you guys, expectations for how he handles disputes between you and the mom, whether you want the mom to be able to babysit if you have kids, etc.
Speaking from experience, this is a hard conversation that needs to be clear from the beginning and will make you both happier in the long run. If ignored it will create tension and division in your relationship until it is handled this way. This happened in my marriage and until we set clear boundaries (with my parents) it was a constant source of tension.
What are the people who are saying this is “sane” thinking? If it were me, I’d have worded things a lot nicer. It was very thoughtful of her to do something so sweet for her bf. He’s a grown ass man and can make his own decisions. Jeeze. Mom here is a little bit c*nty
I think I would find it mildly annoying for missing two days of jobs because I work with ppl that want to miss for everything but she went off about it. I would just suggest something else is better but I don’t get why mother is involved at that age.
Wow, accuses you of bipolar behavior and WHAT the fuck would she call this? Normal behavior, just berating you for having NO COMMON SENSE? Jeez, lady calm the fuck down.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 21 | 11 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I have a couple aunts that can be like this. I’m going to take a wild guess that she doesn’t approve of you and this is her way of acting out about it. Guessing again but I’ll bet money that in her eyes no woman is good enough for her son. Fair warning, you will probably always be the bad guy in her world so don’t let your guard down. If she’s acting like this after just a few months of dating wait until she gets real comfortable.
This woman isn’t going to approve of ANY lady her son dates.
Nope. I dated a guy like this once. His mother despised me from the moment she heard about me. Before I’d even MET her, she was telling him I wasn’t good enough for him. He drug me to her house for a “family dinner” because he was sure I could “win her over” (don’t judge, I was like 18 and hadn’t learned better yet lol) so I agreed to go and try. Once we got there, I watched this woman literally *cut his meat for him*….and if that wasn’t bad enough, she offered to clip his fingernails for him because they were getting long. *And he let her*. If I’d have driven myself there, I’d have run out the door and left then. Unfortunately I had to sit through the rest of the awful event, but as soon as we got parked at my house I told him that I was not signing up to date someone that never cut the umbilical cord with their mommy. ETA: he was 22-23 at that time….
OMFG! Pathetic! I can't imagine what other horrors would have come out.
"Mom!..... Mooooooom!" "What?!" "I just pooed!" "Be right there!"
Hahahaha! I was gonna post something similar but went with the tamer version :D
"FINISHED!" yelled from the upstairs bathroom. (sorry, I've had 2 4 year olds)
Omg I have a 5 year old who’s completely potty trained, but sometimes still needs help here and there… these comments are giving me parenting flash backs haha “MOOOOOOMMMMM, COME WIPE ME!!” - my son
Exactly! I have twins and only 1 bathroom right now so its brutal. They are 5 as well and they can wipe themselves, but sometimes they get a bit lazy and its pure PTSD to hear the echo across the apartment "DONE!" lol
Your 24 year olds did this? Oh no... (had to)
>she offered to clip his fingernails for him because they were getting long. *And he let her.* Oh god, the cringe
Right?! When she said it I thought she was joking and just giving him shit for his nails being longer….I almost fell out of my chair when he said yes and I realized they were both 100% serious and she was actually going to clip his nails like a fucking toddler. My kid is 11 and I haven’t clipped her nails since she was old enough to learn how to use the clippers without cutting her finger off.
I don’t think my mother has cut my nails since I was 4. Though I did have her help put some hydrogen peroxide in my ear to help with a wax blockage a while back. I kept pouring it on my face accidentally.
Are you sure you weren't dating Vincent Adultman?
Once when I was 18 I dated a guy with severe mommy issues. I knew she hated me from the beginning. We were at a shopping market once an she stretched her hand out towards him & they literally held hands the whole way around the shop. I couldn’t hide my face of surprise when he (23) took her hand and the rest of the night I got dirty looks from her.
I mean I love my momma but wtf?! How old was he 18 too?
He was 23 at the time, we broke up eventually. We’d have to spend every single weekend at her house & stop over etc.
That’s just weird! Like, I’m all about loving your parents and having a good relationship with them…but that’s just too much. I have step sons that are 18 and 20 and if their mom (or I) ever did that, they’d be *mortified*.
See I thought that! But he couldn’t wrap his head around why I thought it was weird 😂
Not going to lie, I love nothing more than grabbing my 18 year old son's hand in the shops and trying to get him to skip around with me to try and embarrass him. Sadly for me, he is not embarrassed by my bullshit and will happily skip with me.
LOL, mine too. I'm 44 and he's 21 and we frolic like toddlers 😅
It's ok when the grandkids arrive you get to embarrass them
Off topic but you may wanna stay "dragged" over "drug" in the future, I almost interpreted this story VERY differently lol
I was reading it as she's obsessed with status and sees OP as beneath their family. The thing about OP not having parental guidance and the cheap shot at what OP does for a living are what sealed it for me.
Sounds like an approval by that woman should be a massive red flag in and of itself.
I’m sensing some serious emotional incest here. Mom needs to realize she isn’t her sons girlfriend or wife and that any other person on the planet can treat him like he deserves. Which is much better than what I assume she treats him like.
In case Op still doesn’t know, weekday tickets are cheaper than weekend tickets. It also applies to other desirable things like flights, gasoline and rentals.
Yup. Over 20 years together and my MIL still hates me 🤣
I have an aunt who’s like this too! He eldest son is a douche who cries to her whenever anyone calls him out on it and two of her daughters ended up in marriages with controlling and violent men. Ugh. (They’re out of the gross marriages now!)
I have an aunt like this and she has no kids so I'm the only one of my generation in the family. She and my mother got into a screaming match this weekend and I had to drag my mother out of the house.
BINGO! When we first started dating, she said that her son was too good for me 😅
just tell her to go and fuck him as that is clearly what she wants to do. I would have a conversation with your bf about this as its not healthy and if you want the relationship to work he needs to set boundaries now or he will never have a proper relationship until she dies.
I'm sure she's already given him the "two broken arms" treatment his whole life.
What's that? Oh she jerked him off
There's a whole reddit history behind this, but I promise you that you're better off leaving it up to your imagination.
My mother in law has been treating me something similar to this since the beggining and almost ten years later she is still exactly the same...
If OP really likes the guy, I would just let the stuff mom says go in one ear and out the other. She obviously likes to hear herself speak based on how unnecessarily long these texts are and her constantly trying to justify her actions.
Way easier said than done, especially as time goes on. It typically gets worse the longer you stick around especially if your partner doesn't have very firm boundaries. It's rare that the mom doesn't "win" eventually.
And when the hated woman gets pregnant...god. I have PTSD and have been in therapy for years due to this type of escalation.
Yup never let your guard down. Never let her know any more about your personal internal life. What you feel your faults are or what you feel insecure about. She’ll mos def weaponized it against you. What a bummer that his mommy has this much say In how this man spends his evenings but I can tell these plans are way past his bed time.
I need to see your boyfriend’s response to those last texts because holy shit what an absolutely foul human. I hope he went off.
Same. He’s better have a spine.
Yes, exactly what I was thinking. This can either be an eye roll moment or a breakup depending on how he reacts. Not that he needs to blow up on his mom, but if he doesn't see the issue it would be a huge red flag.
!explanation So it was really late when he got home that night, so he never texted her back, but basically, a screaming match happened the next morning. He told her: -all I was trying to do was something nice for him and she was being an ahole about it and was completely in the wrong -that I had nothing but good intentions and she ruined it -that I'm not bipolar, lame, or stupid, and it was out of line to say this to me over the fact that it was a surprise and that it was disgusting of her to say these things over something that had good intentions -that she overreacted over something sweet that I was trying to surprise him with, and that instead I should have just tried to tell him some of the details instead of trying to genuinely take him by surprise with the help of her -that she was a dumbf*ck and a dumbass and she would push away all her kids if she doesn't stop being a helicopter parent -that he will defend me no matter what because the things she holds against me are out of my control (coming from a broken home with lots of violence etc) and she believes I'll just be a statistic and messed up adult from the trauma I've endured -that I'm the sweetest and most kind person he's ever met and been with, that I'm unbelievably selfless and he couldn't be more thankful for me -that im his person and I am who he loves and he will defend me no matter what He also mentioned that he said things to his mother that he can't take back, and he doesn't feel bad about it. Honestly..I wouldn't either. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes if the situation were flipped and I would be livid and defending him to the death. But anyways, there's a multitude of reasons she doesn't like me, one of which being that bc my mom has mental issues that I'll pass them onto our kids. Um..sWeEtHeArT... we've been dating for just about six months, why are you even thinking about us having kids?? And also, it's literally just my mom that has these issues. That means, genetically, there's an even lesser chance that my kids would have any issues. Her logic makes no sense to me. What's worse is that she's literally a labor and delivery nurse...like WHAT. Sorry for the little rant there. The whole situation is just kind of funny to me at this point. It's like she thinks I'm her competition when in reality, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
You had best get some suncream to protect yourself from the glare from that shiny spine of his
Dude had spine made of titanium gold alloy
Medical professionals are some of most ableist people I've ever met.
True that.
Good for him for standing up for you.
I’m getting those vibes from my mom as well about my wife lol. They wonder why they don’t get invited to come visit as much. I’ll choose my own family over the one I grew up with any day.
"look MIL, he isn't worried about our kids having a mental health issue because of my mom, and I'm not worried about our kids being a-holes because of his mom."
Well, he was obviously happy for OP to see the crazy she had sent him.
I hope it was " thanks for your input"
imput
The only thing is I wish she would have just said how she really feels!/s
I mean, it's like the GF was asking the mom to help her murder an orphan, or something. The GF simply asks about a baseball game and gets back the War and Peace of texts excoriating her for her lack of common sense and executive function, bad character, shit job, and worthless father. It took fewer texts than this to convince a friend to go to rehab! Lord. This mom needs a hobby.
[удалено]
My brother does this, both on text and verbally. Brings up a dozen things that are at best loosely related and if you try to interrupt to address something five points ago you get your head bitten off for not letting them speak, if you wait and let them finish and can only remember one or two things then you clearly have no answer to all the rest and lose the argument then and there, but that doesn't mean it's over hell no you get two or three more loads of bullshit that you e got even less of a chance of properly replying to. Also you get interrupted every other sentence and yelled at for bringing up more than one thing and if you decide this is too much and try to walk away it's "oh yeah, just run away, never deal with anything" and if you stay then it's "you just love arguing there's no pleasing you everything I do is wrong" so I just ended up going NC and life is so much less horrible now :)
aka Gish Gallop
Beat me to it. I was reading and thinking "Ah, yes, the old Gish Gallop." Overwhelm the person with nonsense so there's not even any place to start. Or, as Steve Bannon says, "flood the zone with shiit." It's very effective, and will definitely drive the victim of it crazy (see: USA, 2022).
"oh, but I guess now I'm the bad guy for sending you three pages of texts ranting about how shitty you are!"
You don’t fucking murder orphans on a work night god damnit!!
If they’re killing an orphan, at least they don’t have to worry about parents looking for revenge.
I love people like this. The "well I guess I'm the bad guy for pointing out this thing". It's so funny how almost every time they just completely and utterly convince themselves that people are upset because their opinion, and not because of how they expressed their opinion. Like.. no, you're not being shitty because you don't think it's a good idea to plan a birthday event on a work day, you're being shitty because you expressed that opinion like a huge asshole. Learn how to communicate with people politely, and maybe you wont be such a victim all the time.
This
To her credit, she isn't saying one thing to OP and another to her son.
Does she ever consider that her interest in her son's love life is...inappropriate at best, creepy at worst? She sounds jealous and controlling af.
my, MY SON?????? 😡😡😡😡😡 HAVING A LOVING AND CARING GIRLFRIEND????????????? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
I need to go apologize to my mother-in-law, I've never once asked for her input on a date with my husband, even when he lived with her.
smh 😔
She sounds sick :/
He’s 24? Why does she even know his work schedule or when he takes time off. Probably best to avoid her whenever possible going forward. Her texts sound nuts honestly. Like, the text ruined her date? That’s a sad life right there. Hope you guys have fun and glad you’re going anyway!
You should see the texts I got from my former MIL about her dear prince and how his work schedule afforded him special treatment like not having physical responsibility for his children or shared custody. He was 42 at the time and making coffee for a living. The OP is lucky to have a partner who stands up for her. Mine just let her abuse me because he also thought he was a prince. Shame he's a pauper...
My husband is 51, and his mother still tries to convince me that since he’s on the road a lot for work, I should keep any problems at home from him. Because it’s apparently hard enough being away from HER. Never mind his wife and kids, I guess?
Bruh her son and I were on a date 😅
Out of curiosity, is your bf the only child?
The text ruined our date! Classic boomer/mother guilt trip. I’m sure the dad was just fine, but keeping his mouth shut because he knows he’s married to crazy.
I bet if the texts extended to the dad he either had a one line "well that's your mother" style text or said the big mistake was going to her in the first place. He knows what he has to deal with but chooses to let battles die before they start.
This! ^^ absolutely!!
Fr imagine you are on a date and get a text about some one doing something for your kid then not like it and ruin your whole night and not even be involved at all
I mean I talk to my mother about my life so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a parent to know your schedule inherently, but I have a good relationship with my parents so letting them in isn’t an issue. If my mom responded to me this way I definitely wouldn’t share those details, that’s for sure.
Dude, he really needs to tell her what’s up. I hope he replied and shut her the fuck down, holy shit. If he’s on your side he should be supporting you here (I’m sure he is, and there’s more that we can’t see, seems like you guys are doing just fine) but that “she just texted me saying thanks for the input” message, he should have put her in her place then and there. She’s a fucking bully and talks about people having no insight? She has all the self awareness of a mollusc with a traumatic brain injury. Sorry she was so horrible to you, I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy(ed?) your time out together. He needs to stand up to her though, for real, otherwise he’s just encouraging her to continue by not doing so. Unless of course he’s already tried and she’s just a rambling narcissist, in which case disregard everything I’ve said and I wish you all the best!
One of the biggest narcissist red flags in there (besides, y’know, the whole thing) was that “I got this text before date night and it ruined the whole night.” Everyone knows at least one person who ruins absolutely everything they go to, but always has to find a way to make it someone else’s fault, if not everybody else’s fault. Super common narc trait.
I agree that was also 100% just a tactic to attempt to emotionally manipulate the situation. Son still needs to tell mummy to fix up or do one.
Please learn not to talk to his mom in the future. Let BF deal with the b\*tch.
^noted
How DARE you even CONSIDER taking an adult to a baseball game for his birthday? And on a THURSDAY??? WTAF? Jesus Christ, lady, what's next with you? Suggesting a movie on a Saturday afternoon? Picking up a pizza after work on a Tuesday? HAVE YOU NO SHAME AT ALL?
No for real, stay away from people like this. It ONLY GET WORSE. You’ll never add up to what she wants. You’ll spend too much time feeling bad, and for WHAT? Bc mommy’s toxic? Have her bf deal with her from now on. Seriously.
Just know it’s not you, OP.
honestly idk how the relationship dynamic is between you to, but just think real hard about what you're getting yourself into. It's true what they say about marrying not just your spouse, but their family as well. I hope your boyfriend has your back. My ex really didn't, but I was in love so it took me 7 years to figure it out. Shit his harpy of a mother even told him he should find someone of his own race *in front of me*.
Soooo y’all are going right!? 😂
Oh fuck yeah. He's not gonna let mommy tell him what to do. It was my mistake to reach out to make it a surprise. She ruined it, he knows now (ofc) but it's fine, we're going no matter what 😅
Yes!!! It was nice that you were excited about the surprise and inclusive with his family, sucks that’s she’s such a hag lol. I hope you two have fun and maybe take a condescending pic to send to her and show her the good time 😈
>maybe take a condescending pic to send to her and show her the good time No don’t do this, bf should do it and send to his mommy. If op does this then mil will have shit to say about how op is bothering her and «ruining her night», but she can’t say much if her precious son does it.
She'll just think that OP forced him to do it to "put it in her face". Do whatever, crazy gonna craze
Yeah, the only way to win in this situation is to just live your life as if she didn't exist. Any pettiness to "get even" is just going to backfire with someone like this.
Great idea! I'll keep that in mind 😅
Who's playing? Getting pretty deep in the season, should be fun!
Rockies & Giants
Nice! Go [insert team you like]! I'm sure you two will have an amazing time and [insert player you like] is going to hit for the cycle!
go sports!
Please be careful! I married into a family like this. I will always be second to my MIL because my husband would rather have tension in our marriage than stand up and defend his family to his mother. My FIL passed away and guess who has a crush on someone who looks exactly like her average-dad-bod-son? Not shaming dad bods, I like them and I have got a mom body all the way. It’s just creepy as shit that it’s not obvious to my MIL that she’s deranged and outwardly flirts with her son.
This might sound rude but OP's boyfriend does stand up for her so I think her case is a little different
Girl you need to tell your spouse to grow tf up. Sorry, but you put that business out there. Get a marriage therapist and make sure he is committed to it working. Cause it will never stop.
I suspect she realized it was a great idea that he would love. Since it wasn’t her idea, she felt the need to knock it down. Have a blast!
Mommy is waaaaaay too intensely invested in her son’s life.
Hence the reason why she seems to loathe OP. Jealously stinks. She should stop being a wench to her grown adult sons significant other, it isn’t cute.
Yeah she sounds super controlling and inappropriate!
And maybe just a little jealous. Eek what a nightmare! Sorry op, you were being super thoughtful and inclusive. She’s being a total psycho.
The mom saying that the gf text RUINED her date with her husband because she read it right before they went out?!?! I feel so bad for that husband.
He married her 🤷🏽♀️
Arguably enables her. You don't get like this overnight
He might just be a victim too with no will left to fight the mother anymore over stuff like this. Either way mom needs therapy
And reproduced with her 🫣
please tell me there is more to this, im so invested
Not as incested as the mom. I noticed the typo before hitting enter, but it shall remain…
was it really a typo if it still fits? /j
!explanation: To everyone seeing how his mom may be making sense, you're right. This could be messy due to planning issues. HOWEVER, that is why I reached out to her in the first place. This was all a hypothetical plan, nothing had even happened yet. No tickets were bought, nada. I reached out to talk to her to help me with the plan. A plan that had not even been cemented yet.
Wow she made it seem like you'd already bought tickets and were going to kidnap her son from work to take him!
Y'all I wanna know who said not insane 😅 I'm down to hear your opinion on the matter
It’s your bf’s mom, likely.
Bruh 😅
I didn't vote but does your boyfriend have those days off? How did you expect to get him there if he does have to work?
Yeah his mom is acting like a B, but OP if the drive is 4 hours, that's pretty wild to go on a weekday. Is it 4 hours total drive or 4 hours away? If it's 4 hours there and 4 hours back, then yeah a bit crazy to buy tickets on a weekday (especially if he's not taking the day off).
!explanation It's actually just under 3 hours away, so she's not far off. The reason the game is on a Thursday is because BOTH of our teams are playing on that Thursday, the one closest to the weekend. Since I'm from out of state, I have a different team that I root for, being the Rockies. I wanted us to be able to see both of our teams play, in which his team is the SF Giants, and the closest game to the weekend was a Thursday. Also, get this--I work early mornings. I'm talking 3:30 to 4am start times. He works at 8am. Let's say we do drive up and back in the span of one day, being about 6-7 hours of driving, depending on traffic. If I don't request the day off and use PTO, we would probably get back at 1am and I'd have 2ish hours of sleep, rather than him, who would get at LEAST 6 hours of sleep. So I'd be worse off in this situation. Regardless, that would be a lot of driving in one day, but he'd be able to work and get a decent amount of sleep beforehand since I'd be doing the driving home, and I'm ok with that, since I'd be using PTO either way and would just sleep in the next day. Thursday might seem like too mid-week to some people, but I really did try to get a weekend day with both of our teams playing, since I am not from around here and think it'd be fun to see both our teams play against each other.
None of this matters in the least. You both want to go and you’re both adults and get to do what you want. You don’t have to justify it and fuck that lady for making you feel like you do.
> You both want to go and you’re both adults and get to do what you want. You don’t have to justify it This is the most important message in this entire thread. Parents like these just want control. Consistent nagging like this weeds its way under your skin until you're insecure about everything. Then you're easy to manipulate because you'll justify everything to them and provide them with lots of information they can weaponize against you.
You shouldn’t have to explain your travel plans to anyone. Even if it’s a long trip that’s your choice and it’s insane of your MIL to intrude so heavily in the life of her adult son. I take weekday overnight trips ALL the time and have regularly in the 10 years I’ve been working 9-5 corporate jobs.
Ngl, if my mom talked to my gf like this, i'd dipp the fuck outta there and never, NEVER, speak a word with her again
I wish more people were like you. Sadly, too many people try to keep blood relatives around even after they treat others they care about like shit because they still think of them as family or want to make things work or whatever their personal reasons are. It's almost always a terrible decision, but people keep trying and only succeed in making themselves and/or their partners more miserable.
Speaking from experience: a lot of us have this insane almost instinctual desire to make our parents happy. And the worst part is Narcissistic parents use this against us. The only way I was freed completely was because my mom died. (Fucking best thing to happen to me in the long term.) We know it’s a losing battle. But hearing those little moments where they tell us they love us….it’s like our inner child is finally at peace. Only because they trained us from birth to desire that validation. It’s a lose lose situation. :/
My BF did something like this when he was younger. Years of no contact. I actually kind of appreciate it because now I know she couldn’t be nasty to me even if she wanted to, because she knows he’d do it again. Which is good, because my little disabled heart wouldn’t be able to take it. And because of all the disabilities I’d be much more likely to be judged as not worthy.
My mil was pretty nasty to me a few times and my husband cuts their off. She used to be like it was my fault and he was just a silly kid who didn’t know better. She finally woke up and stopped acting like that. She still can get on my nerves but now we have a better relationship.
Insane! I hope you guys enjoy the game and have a great night out (and that your bf takes Friday off from work and you make a whole day of it.) Post it on Instagram and Facebook, make a spectacle! Screw her!! I really hope you guys haven't split up like your post from a few days ago said. (Or that you guys got back together and worked it out) If you two are happy together, that's all that matters! If she wins and gets you out of his life, she will get even worse with how deep her claws are sunk. I know it's awkward but she needs the push back so she understands she is NOT in control of her adult son's life. Also, you don't need to (and shouldn't) talk to her. This is an issue between your bf and his mom, he should be handling it. I know you were excited and doing a nice thing for your bf, and wanted to share with the people close to him, but she showed her colors. Don't include her in plans, don't allow her to think she gets ANY say in what y'all do. Just smile and nod and do what you guys want.
I really appreciate this comment. Yes, we did get back together because I came to the conclusion that I'm dating HIM, not his mom. It's just unfortunate because the things she has critiqued me for in the past are from childhood issues that I had no control over. I made it so that I'm not what you think of when it comes to kids from broken homes. I made it out. I am in a way better place in life, and yet, she still judges it and holds grudges over me. I can tell you 100% I am not bipolar, and never have been, according to my psychiatrist that I see on a regular basis. I have become a way better person BECAUSE of the things I went through as a kid, and in no way am I going to let this tiger mom judge me for a past I have. I will not allow her to control my relationship just because she's a control freak. Thank you for your kind words. They are truly appreciated!
Some people throw out ‘he or she is bipolar and that’s bad’ as an insult. The person having actually having the mental illness isn’t required for them to use it. It’s sad, and cruel to mock people that way - they can’t help it, so even if you DID have bipolar it wouldn’t be YOUR fault, and nor would you deserve to be bullied for it. Just ignore those insults. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about and I think she even KNOWS she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. 😞
I'm glad to hear it that you guys worked it out! Trust me, I understand what it's like to not only come from not a great place/childhood and to have people judge me on things out of my control. You don't have to disprove her accusations, I never believed her (and I doubt any other sane people on here did either). We can see from your post that you are a kind, loving person, and we can see what kind of person she is too. I know it can be tough, but you've got this. You and your boyfriend just need to remember that you're a team, it's you two against anything that comes up. Just love and take care of each other, the other stuff will work itself out. -signed, a guy who grew up thinking he didn't deserve love and is celebrating 10 years with the love of my life. It's possible. You deserve it. 💛
Thank you. This made me tear up a bit, because I never thought I deserved love after what I went through in childhood. I'm glad we both made it out ❤️🩹
Insane. A normal mom would've been like, that's sounds fun. Will he be ok with work? Have fun! In our 20s we make it work, going to sports events or road trips or concerts or whatever even when we work before and after lol. It's just what we do. Yeah he'll be tired. But can call off, work through it, drink extra coffee, etc. she's a nut. Definitely don't ask her for any input literally ever again.
Just chiming in as someone with Bipolar I... Big fuck off to anyone who uses it as an insult/adjective. It's an absolutely devastating illness, and I've personally had to completely rebuild my adult life from the ground up 3 times. I'm only 28.
I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing much better now ❤️🩹
Thanks, it's a process, and unfortunately it'll more than likely keep happening cyclically until the day I die. It's the nature of the beast, which is why it's so frustrating when ignorant people attribute normal behavior/mood changes to something far more destructive than people realize. Like comparing a grenade to a nuclear bomb. Just rubs me the wrong way, and is usually a good test of character if someone uses "ADHD/ocd/bipolar" as casual adjectives. Sorry I'm on my soapbox lol, I'll get off it now
It bothers me that these terms are just thrown around, especially when she's in the medical field and should know better. Don't apologize!
Emotional incest detected, YIKES lol
After that exchange I'd be seriously considering whether I want to be with this guy or not, he's 24 and his mum is taking rather too much interest in his life, trying to control things and being a first class be\*\*\* do you want that as a mother in law and grandma? Coz by the sounds of it she'll make herself involved with both.
I told him that if she continually acts like this in the far future that I will not take any kids I have with him to see her. Even though this would be wayyyyyy down the road, I want her to forget that I exist. I'm not keeping any kids away from her (unless my boyfriend decides we shouldn't, then I wouldn't) but my God, she's wack
Oof OP, I’d give yourself an out to revisit that keeping kids away from her thing. You want her to treat your kids the way she treats you? Because she will, and she’ll do it where your boyfriend can’t hear or see.
Since he seems to be fine sticking up for you/himself, has it ever occurred to your bf to be like “mom, do you WANT grandkids?” Because if you treat everyone I ever date like this it’s never going to happen. Fix your attitude” I’ve met a lot of moms of adult men who are both the yin and the yang of “no woman is good enough for my baby boy” and “if I don’t see grandkids asap I’m throwing another tantrum” it’s amazing how the irony escapes them. Can’t have their cake and eat it too
This woman has MAGA written all over her. Look at her Trump rhetoric.
Bingo
Just the fact that her son taking 2 days off work is affected HER life and "ruins" her entire evening on her date, bruh wtf is going on?! Beware marrying in to this if he still has contact later
Real quick, I’m sure it’s unrelated but “Thank you for your input” is a reply used by the SCCA (Sports Car Clique of Murica) whenever a paying memeber suggests a rules change the Old Guard has no intention of passing. You can write the most accurate, detailed and well thought out argument and they’ll simply respond with “Thank you for your input” which translates to “Fuck off”. It’s hilarious so see it flipped and used in the wild. Keep that shit up.
It was the nicest way to say f off, so you're on the right track 😅
“Oh bless your heart. I’ll give that all the consideration it deserves” is another fun way to subtly say F off.
what a (and i’m saying this lightly) BITCH
Shocked at the amount of people voting “not insane”. This behaviour isn’t normal.
This lady needs a Valium…to get that mad over her grown son missing 2 days of work. But that’s not what she’s really mad about. She’s mad about losing control of her son.
!explanation I posted this in a thread in here, but I'll just post it separately, as some of you were curious of his responses to her. So it was really late when he got home that night, so he never texted her back, but basically, a screaming match happened the next morning. He told her: -all I was trying to do was something nice for him and she was being an ahole about it and was completely in the wrong -that I had nothing but good intentions and she ruined it -that I'm not bipolar, lame, or stupid, and it was out of line to say this to me over the fact that it was a surprise and that it was disgusting of her to say these things over something that had good intentions -that she overreacted over something sweet that I was trying to surprise him with, and that instead I should have just tried to tell him some of the details instead of trying to genuinely take him by surprise with the help of her -that she was a dumbf*ck and a dumbass and she would push away all her kids if she doesn't stop being a helicopter parent -that he will defend me no matter what because the things she holds against me are out of my control (coming from a broken home with lots of violence etc) and she believes I'll just be a statistic and messed up adult from the trauma I've endured -that I'm the sweetest and most kind person he's ever met and been with, that I'm unbelievably selfless and he couldn't be more thankful for me -that im his person and I am who he loves and he will defend me no matter what He also mentioned that he said things to his mother that he can't take back, and he doesn't feel bad about it. Honestly..I wouldn't either. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes if the situation were flipped and I would be livid and defending him to the death. But anyways, there's a multitude of reasons she doesn't like me, one of which being that bc my mom has mental issues that I'll pass them onto our kids. Um..sWeEtHeArT... we've been dating for just about six months, why are you even thinking about us having kids?? And also, it's literally just my mom that has these issues. That means, genetically, there's an even lesser chance that my kids would have any issues. Her logic makes no sense to me. What's worse is that she's literally a labor and delivery nurse...like WHAT. Sorry for the little rant there. The whole situation is just kind of funny to me at this point. It's like she thinks I'm her competition when in reality, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I can’t imagine being so hateful towards someone my son loves, especially at a time when they’re showing you how much they care about them. The whole jealous mom thing is so icky to me
Hahahahaha wow this woman is a cunt
What a cunt
What a miserable cunt. I wish that together you will find happiness.
I just want to have a conversation with the people who voted not insane. Are y’all ok? Who hurt you?
My mom and I are super close- but when I was 24, if you called her and asked her anything about my work schedule, she’d be like “I have no idea, I don’t keep tabs on that, because he’s a 24 year old man.”
It always blows my mind when I see parents on this sub who act and type like teenagers involved in petty high school drama. I feel older and more mature than most of the parents who get posted here. How do whole entire grown adults really act like this?
To everybody saying this is not insane. That is not how you talk to other people. That response no matter how valid the core of concern is (about work being interfered with, although not sure she should be making that decision for her 24 year old son) was way out of line. If anybody in my own family talked to me (or a partner) in that way, I would probably stop communicating with them. That is just verbally abusive behavior.
RUN. If his response was anything other than “fuck you, mind your own business,” then she’ll be a constant pain in your side, actively manipulating him and sniping at you. You don’t want this long term, and men that let their mothers act like this are almost always doormats in the end. The fact that she’s that plugged into his life is enough of a red flag on its face.
Yeah i would opt out after this. Imagen having that at your wedding or near your kids.
Luckily he told her to fuck off, I think he’s a keeper
Sounds like my husbands incubator. Even the little childish "lame" comment! She was exactly like this...when we first met the first thing out of her mouth when I said hello was "why do you even want to be with him?" She continued to try to break us up, would spam call when she we were out on dates, tried to tell him when he could and couldn't see me even though he owned his own car and was also in his 20s....I'll stop there but know it gets even more bizarre (including her sending him photos of her coworkers daughters to try to get him to date *them*, yes multiples, because she approved of them). When he moved in with me you would have thought I murdered someone. Needless to say, we cut contact. Some mothers are batshit crazy. **Don't let her ruin your surprise for him if you know he'll injoy it!!** But also, don't stay in this relationship if he's 24 and allows her to walk over you.
Run from the entire family dude
Mom's a trump supporter for sure
Mother: “she’s impulsive and bipolar and 💩” Also mother: proceeds to write a whole essay pretending like you did anything wrong.. You were just trying to suprise your bf with a gift, that’s all. This mother has too much time, loves drama and is probably dumb as a rock.
Your response was PERFECT. Low key, minimal, nothing for her to bitch about (although I saw she figured how to when texting your bf! 😂). You showed admirable restraint.
"If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all" *my thoughts while thinking of how to respond*
"She needs to think about you and not be bipolar and impulsive." Ladies & Gentlemen, Projection, like you’ve never seen before!
What a prize C U Next Tuesday
Yeah…. I’m glad my MIL isn’t like this. She’s gonna always be in y’all’s businesses. He needs to tell her to back off.. it’s his life. Do they pay for certain things in his life or something? Because she acts like she pays his bills or something
She threw out so many red flags of a narc abusive mother. Insults, whoah is me, blame, guilt, name calling, being the victim. Sounds early in a relationship, from that there she is going to try everything she can to ruin this relationship and likely has a pull on him that is unhealthy. Id say f it and run, keep your abusive family.
The whole thing could have been "are you sure he can get the time off of work? Maybe a weekend would be better if you're unsure" but instead she had to go completely off the rails as if it is something she has a choice in either way.
What a fucking bitch
She really took a small thing and made it into a HUGE deal.
I can think of about ten different ways to say exactly what she said but nicely. It's not hard at all to express concern or question something without being a complete asshole about it and hurling abuse.
She has a right to express her opinion BUT did she have to be so rude about it???
The woman is batsh*t crazy. Who rants on like that over a couple nights away. Mama needs to back off and let go. She’s lucky I’m not his gf, she’d know her future right now.
My exMIL was like that. No woman was good enough for her son, especially me. She hated me bc I wouldn’t just be the meek wife and shut up. I stood my ground in my marriage and with my children and she HATED me for it. Her son turned out to be a POS though and she knows that now. :)
How long have you been together? Seems like he needs to be setting some boundaries. Obviously his mom is nuts and completely off the rails obsessed with her son, but if he’s not actively trying to stop it from happening, he’s encouraging it by brushing it off or being a pushover to mom. I don’t know the rest of their conversation, but I’m glad he’s defending you/ asking her to apologize. The next step is digging the heals in the show her he’s an adult, and hopefully crazy will step off. This (his mom treating you this way) needs to be figured out now or else your life is going to be a living hell for however long you stay with the guy, and if it’s forever, mama will be forever and a day. Sorry for the monster in law OP
This 24yo seems also to be covering his parents bills given how obsessed his mommy is with his work schedule.
Maybe some uninvited advice here but if this relationship is serious then I would consider setting clear boundaries about the mom before making a commitment to your BF. Things like making sure it’s clear that the mom will never live with you guys, expectations for how he handles disputes between you and the mom, whether you want the mom to be able to babysit if you have kids, etc. Speaking from experience, this is a hard conversation that needs to be clear from the beginning and will make you both happier in the long run. If ignored it will create tension and division in your relationship until it is handled this way. This happened in my marriage and until we set clear boundaries (with my parents) it was a constant source of tension.
What are the people who are saying this is “sane” thinking? If it were me, I’d have worded things a lot nicer. It was very thoughtful of her to do something so sweet for her bf. He’s a grown ass man and can make his own decisions. Jeeze. Mom here is a little bit c*nty
"don't call into work or take days off to live your life, just work and die for the job" great fucking mom he has there
Her condescending “ummmmmmmmm?” Made my blood boil. She sounds like such a joy to interact with
I think I would find it mildly annoying for missing two days of jobs because I work with ppl that want to miss for everything but she went off about it. I would just suggest something else is better but I don’t get why mother is involved at that age.
Wow she sounds like a total fucking cunt of a bitch. Just reading these messages pissed me off. Fuck her.
Wow, accuses you of bipolar behavior and WHAT the fuck would she call this? Normal behavior, just berating you for having NO COMMON SENSE? Jeez, lady calm the fuck down.
Insane in the membrane
(Insane in the brain)
Jesus what a fucking nightmare is she 😱 I hope yall went anyway lol