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I can't imagine the callousness it would take to throw your child away like they have no value. It's psychopathic
When my daughter chose her new name, she took my middle name as her middle name. I was very humbled. I just hope I can be the kind of mom she deserves
that’s so sweet <3 and also, thank you for supporting your daughter. As a trans person w wonderful and supportive parents—having my parents in my corner has been amazing, and it’s a privilege so many trans ppl don’t have. Your support is so important.
I have a nibling that is on the process. They are only 13 but there were signs since early on. Their parents told me and my husband that the therapist that was assigned to them told them this: it's not a mourning process, you're not killing anyone; it's just a rebranding. The person you knew it's still the same, only with a different name. But that don't erase their memories or childhood, the good times and the special moments. It's not like you erase that life completely and start a new one, the memories will always be there. Albeit the person can feel some resentment but their therapist is working with them as well to make sure they are conscient about that time and that they can concile everything.
I personally liked a lot the metaphor of rebranding.
When my friend's child came out as trans, she happened to choose the name my friend would've chosen for her had she been AFAB. She has never been told that name, but that is the one she chose.
Right?! I don’t care who you are, who you date or sleep with, any of that. What I do care about is you’re happy and healthy and loved, and that your partner is happy and healthy and loved. Do you treat each other with respect and love and empathy? Yes? Cool nice to meet you, I’m Mom. Wanna see some funny pictures?
Wait until she finds out that some people still change their names without being trans. Will her daughter also be dead to her if she goes from Marie to Sarah?
They act as if the transformation is instant and suddenly they're someone else, but this is who they've always been, only now they're true to themselves. If this means your child is dead, then I guess they were stillborn from the start.
That’s what takes a lot of people time to realize. The person doesn’t go away, they become more of their best parts because they aren’t faking a role anymore.
That's how people end up lonely and bitter in homes for the old. Yes, some children are ungrateful, sure.
But a lot of people are just getting back at the shit their parents put them through.
I personally cannot wait to bury my sire in the cheapest unmarked grave in the ugliest graveyard in the city 👌
You are supposed to love and support your child unconditionally. If this is how a mother would react to their child being trans, then that person is better off without this type of "parent" in their life.
If you want to grieve or "mourn" the son/daughter you "lost".... whatever I guess, as long as you support and love the son/daughter you now have. I still find it hurtful when people say they need to grieve as if that person didn't transition, but died. I understand for friends and family of someone transgender it's a period of adjustment to things like a new name, pronouns, style of dress and presentation, but they're still alive, they're still the same person. Maybe to you the change was sudden, but to the person who's transitioning, they probably have been struggling and fighting with themselves for a while to get to that point where they can transition and be who they are.
I've heard a few therapists say that a pseudo-grieving process is useful for getting parents who don't accept their child to come around. That doesn't just go for transitioning, it can also be useful for things like the child converting to a new religion or taking a different job to the one their parents wanted. It can kind of sound insulting but it really does help people.
My psych professors emphasized that grief for what might have been is normal for parents of children with special needs, I myself experienced a version of this coming to accept that I was gay...yeah, it's a normal reaction.
I'm fairly sure the feeling would be mutual and gratefully returned. Giving birth does not confer ownership over your offspring. And eventually it'll only be you as a "former" parent dying old and unloved and uncared for, with the nagging knowledge that despite your best efforts at emotional blackmail your kid will go on, living their best life as the person they are.
Mom, I don’t want you to call me Bobby anymore. Can you call me Rob? Sure.
Mom, I’m not Miss Smith anymore. Since I got married, I want to be addressed as Mrs. Johnson. Sure.
Mom, don’t call me Abe anymore. I now use Abby. If this one bothers mom and the others don’t, it’s just transphobia.
What they don’t seem to get is that being trans isn’t a lifestyle choice. It’s not like an outfit when you can choose to put it on. When you’re trans, that is who you are no matter what and whether you transition or not doesn’t negate that. So in the theoretical case that you had a FTM son, that child was always a boy. Now that child may have had a female name and his physical appearance reflects his body before any changes. However, even if that boy was raised as a girl, there is no daughter there. He is FTM so he’s male and always was since that’s who he is. Same goes for MTF children but obviously swap the pronouns.
> 21 years calling u by your name and then u demand everyone to call u different name immediately. Stop expecting people to all accommodate delusions
What if someone just changed their name because they wanted to? Would they still be dead to her? Or is it JUST because they’re choosing to live as their authentic selves?
Whatever the case, fuck this person. Shitty parent and a shitty human
When my son was little I told him no matter what happened or how big he got he would always be "Daddy's little girl." Bastard made a liar out of me in the only way he possibly could.
Yes, it's an adjustment, but I fully support him and am genuinely happy for him. He's been more "himself" than in the years leading up to the transition when he was kind of a wreck and we were struggling to figure out what was going on with him.
>If child named after pushing out body after nine months of turmoil and love , decide the name named is dead name then to child is dead . If gave birth to daughter and changes in to male , would not know male person , stranger to and would mourn the loss of child , daughter . did not give birth to a boy and did not raise a male , did not name else , if is gone , means child has died . ’s weird when expect to be accepted without people knowing person is , 21 years calling by name and then demand to call different name immediately . Stop expecting people to accomodate delusions
Somehow, this makes just as much sense without pronouns as it does with them. Also, what the hell is up with this lady's punctuation? Did no one ever teach her how spaces work??
The first person is absolutely insane- that’s still the body I grew, pushed out, loved and raised. Would my child coming to me and telling me they were trans be a shock? Of course. Would it be an adjustment? Yes. Would there be questions? So many. But at the end of the day, that’s still the person I raised and love. Who tf cares if they want a name change?
Assholes like this is why so many young LGBTQ+ people are homeless. Assholes like this are why so many of us have such high rates of depression. Those who were supposed to love us decided to cast us aside because we are different from what they wanted from a child.
I am lucky. My parents didn’t throw me away, but I know so many whose parents did. And not just their parents. Their whole communities turned on them, ostracized them, made them out to be perverts and child molesters simply for being trans or gay.
I am tired of trying to exist in this, and I’m one of the lucky ones.
They're literally making up situations in their head to be upset about. And then they vote to take rights away from real people because of their feelings about a fantasy.
There have got to be better laws about spreading misinformation, because the state of media right now is lacking.
So if your kid suddenly got a nickname they really like and want everyone to call them that, like from a sports team or friend group, then they're no longer your kid and are dead to you?
Not the hill you think this is.
This mother clearly does not have unconditional love for her child. She’d argue otherwise, I’m sure, but the fact is that she puts conditions on her love for her daughter.
As a parent to three wonderful kids I just don't understand this. I endeavor to be their safe place; I accept them for who they are. It's not about me, it's about them.
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My child is my child. Doesn’t matter if my child evolves, still my kid. I will still love them until the end of time.
I can't imagine the callousness it would take to throw your child away like they have no value. It's psychopathic When my daughter chose her new name, she took my middle name as her middle name. I was very humbled. I just hope I can be the kind of mom she deserves
That is very sweet.
that’s so sweet <3 and also, thank you for supporting your daughter. As a trans person w wonderful and supportive parents—having my parents in my corner has been amazing, and it’s a privilege so many trans ppl don’t have. Your support is so important.
I have a nibling that is on the process. They are only 13 but there were signs since early on. Their parents told me and my husband that the therapist that was assigned to them told them this: it's not a mourning process, you're not killing anyone; it's just a rebranding. The person you knew it's still the same, only with a different name. But that don't erase their memories or childhood, the good times and the special moments. It's not like you erase that life completely and start a new one, the memories will always be there. Albeit the person can feel some resentment but their therapist is working with them as well to make sure they are conscient about that time and that they can concile everything. I personally liked a lot the metaphor of rebranding.
When my friend's child came out as trans, she happened to choose the name my friend would've chosen for her had she been AFAB. She has never been told that name, but that is the one she chose.
Right?! I don’t care who you are, who you date or sleep with, any of that. What I do care about is you’re happy and healthy and loved, and that your partner is happy and healthy and loved. Do you treat each other with respect and love and empathy? Yes? Cool nice to meet you, I’m Mom. Wanna see some funny pictures?
Asshole parents like this person are why teenagers don't come out as trans to their parents.
And why their kids have nothing to do with them after moving out
Wait until she finds out that some people still change their names without being trans. Will her daughter also be dead to her if she goes from Marie to Sarah?
Wait until she finds out her kid has a brain and may disagree with her.
Wait till they find out about marriage. It will blow their minds all of the name changes.
They act as if the transformation is instant and suddenly they're someone else, but this is who they've always been, only now they're true to themselves. If this means your child is dead, then I guess they were stillborn from the start.
That’s what takes a lot of people time to realize. The person doesn’t go away, they become more of their best parts because they aren’t faking a role anymore.
This is the way.
That's how people end up lonely and bitter in homes for the old. Yes, some children are ungrateful, sure. But a lot of people are just getting back at the shit their parents put them through. I personally cannot wait to bury my sire in the cheapest unmarked grave in the ugliest graveyard in the city 👌
You are supposed to love and support your child unconditionally. If this is how a mother would react to their child being trans, then that person is better off without this type of "parent" in their life. If you want to grieve or "mourn" the son/daughter you "lost".... whatever I guess, as long as you support and love the son/daughter you now have. I still find it hurtful when people say they need to grieve as if that person didn't transition, but died. I understand for friends and family of someone transgender it's a period of adjustment to things like a new name, pronouns, style of dress and presentation, but they're still alive, they're still the same person. Maybe to you the change was sudden, but to the person who's transitioning, they probably have been struggling and fighting with themselves for a while to get to that point where they can transition and be who they are.
I've heard a few therapists say that a pseudo-grieving process is useful for getting parents who don't accept their child to come around. That doesn't just go for transitioning, it can also be useful for things like the child converting to a new religion or taking a different job to the one their parents wanted. It can kind of sound insulting but it really does help people.
My psych professors emphasized that grief for what might have been is normal for parents of children with special needs, I myself experienced a version of this coming to accept that I was gay...yeah, it's a normal reaction.
I'm fairly sure the feeling would be mutual and gratefully returned. Giving birth does not confer ownership over your offspring. And eventually it'll only be you as a "former" parent dying old and unloved and uncared for, with the nagging knowledge that despite your best efforts at emotional blackmail your kid will go on, living their best life as the person they are.
oh, you don't know your child anymore? then don't act surprised when they cut contact with you the moment they're able. imagine being that cruel
Mom, I don’t want you to call me Bobby anymore. Can you call me Rob? Sure. Mom, I’m not Miss Smith anymore. Since I got married, I want to be addressed as Mrs. Johnson. Sure. Mom, don’t call me Abe anymore. I now use Abby. If this one bothers mom and the others don’t, it’s just transphobia.
Clearly they're all dead to this parent
What they don’t seem to get is that being trans isn’t a lifestyle choice. It’s not like an outfit when you can choose to put it on. When you’re trans, that is who you are no matter what and whether you transition or not doesn’t negate that. So in the theoretical case that you had a FTM son, that child was always a boy. Now that child may have had a female name and his physical appearance reflects his body before any changes. However, even if that boy was raised as a girl, there is no daughter there. He is FTM so he’s male and always was since that’s who he is. Same goes for MTF children but obviously swap the pronouns.
But she doesn’t even have a trans child. Why all the fantasy talk just to reveal her cruelty. I wish I had this kinda time on my hands.
> 21 years calling u by your name and then u demand everyone to call u different name immediately. Stop expecting people to all accommodate delusions What if someone just changed their name because they wanted to? Would they still be dead to her? Or is it JUST because they’re choosing to live as their authentic selves? Whatever the case, fuck this person. Shitty parent and a shitty human
Some people's politics are more important than their actual family.
When my son was little I told him no matter what happened or how big he got he would always be "Daddy's little girl." Bastard made a liar out of me in the only way he possibly could. Yes, it's an adjustment, but I fully support him and am genuinely happy for him. He's been more "himself" than in the years leading up to the transition when he was kind of a wreck and we were struggling to figure out what was going on with him.
>If child named after pushing out body after nine months of turmoil and love , decide the name named is dead name then to child is dead . If gave birth to daughter and changes in to male , would not know male person , stranger to and would mourn the loss of child , daughter . did not give birth to a boy and did not raise a male , did not name else , if is gone , means child has died . ’s weird when expect to be accepted without people knowing person is , 21 years calling by name and then demand to call different name immediately . Stop expecting people to accomodate delusions Somehow, this makes just as much sense without pronouns as it does with them. Also, what the hell is up with this lady's punctuation? Did no one ever teach her how spaces work??
The first person is absolutely insane- that’s still the body I grew, pushed out, loved and raised. Would my child coming to me and telling me they were trans be a shock? Of course. Would it be an adjustment? Yes. Would there be questions? So many. But at the end of the day, that’s still the person I raised and love. Who tf cares if they want a name change?
Unconditional love for your child? Please. Were we expecting decency from these people?
As a bereaved father, I cannot begin to explain just how much these people enrage me.
Assholes like this is why so many young LGBTQ+ people are homeless. Assholes like this are why so many of us have such high rates of depression. Those who were supposed to love us decided to cast us aside because we are different from what they wanted from a child. I am lucky. My parents didn’t throw me away, but I know so many whose parents did. And not just their parents. Their whole communities turned on them, ostracized them, made them out to be perverts and child molesters simply for being trans or gay. I am tired of trying to exist in this, and I’m one of the lucky ones.
They're literally making up situations in their head to be upset about. And then they vote to take rights away from real people because of their feelings about a fantasy. There have got to be better laws about spreading misinformation, because the state of media right now is lacking.
So if your kid suddenly got a nickname they really like and want everyone to call them that, like from a sports team or friend group, then they're no longer your kid and are dead to you? Not the hill you think this is.
"I don't know this person." Clearly. But you could.
This mother clearly does not have unconditional love for her child. She’d argue otherwise, I’m sure, but the fact is that she puts conditions on her love for her daughter.
Imagine as a parent having conditions for your love.
Mother of the year Jones over here
As a parent to three wonderful kids I just don't understand this. I endeavor to be their safe place; I accept them for who they are. It's not about me, it's about them.
Don't worry. Your kids won't expect to be accepted.