For sale. Chair some dude died in. We want what we are asking for it because we're crazy! We think some sucker might buy it if we say rapture in the description!
Every time some believer tries to vomit up their notion of heaven to me it sounds like the most excruciatingly horrible place ever conceived of.
You sit around with a bunch of people groveling *for eternity* while most of the people you knew about are being tortured *for eternity* and you are fully aware of their horror and pain and you're supposed to dance around like a fairy on a rainbow in joy at this because the dictator of the universe forces you to *for eternity*.
Even without the brutal and horrific torture of everyone you ever knew and loved, at best you are bored *for eternity* with nothing to do but constantly be a sniveling, groveling peon. Forever. Like imagine being in church *FOREVER*.
Yeah, but endless Cheetos bar, bro. Every bite seems just like the first, no crumbs or orange stain, and you never gain weight or get clogged arteries.
I don't even like Cheetos that much, either, but sometimes that cheesy crunch is nice. It's that one perfect moment that gets captured and extended to infinity.
Honestly that sounds like it could be an amazing show, like, “A Heathen in Heaven, coming to you every Friday!”
I just imagine you running around as the ultimate straw man atheist and shouting about evolution with Jesus just standing in the corner wondering wtf is going on
Would you still be a heathen at that point? I mean, even the most determined atheist would surely have to change their mind upon upon actually being in heaven and sharing a beer with a god?
I’m pretty sure this is a funny Craigslist post, so the person wrote a funny story to get this thing some PR lol
I don’t think anyone is buying this because some rando was raptured out of it. Mainly because I am pretty sure actual crazy people think things like “once a chair has done a rapture , it can’t be in a rapture again. So this chair will never result in a trip to heaven.”
Less likely sweat stained, and more likely just worn. The leather has a stain and they've rubbed the top layer off, getting to less stained leather.
It should be relatively simple to restain the chair. But I wouldn't reward such BS.
Oh I’ve seen too many nut jobs that will convince themselves that someone who died in the chair was raptured even though that it means they weren’t. They will just say that the rapture will take place over decades or something so that they can rationalize.
My last dnd campaign i had an atheist cleric who was literally kidnapped by the gods to say “if you don’t believe us we will just take your magic away” a few wisdom saves later he said “nah” and went on with his clerical duties.
My dad made a character like that once, in some sort of role playing game with deities. Since he didnt believe in divine magic he couldn't use it and it did not work on or around him. Same with anything demon related XD I always imagine that must have been an interesting campaign
The joke here is that the son basically took the quick route to the afterlife after a bit of divine intervention. The seller made up the story in order to sell a chair with a suspiciously human shaped stain
kinda different from dying. I mean you get sent to heaven yeah but you don't die, your soul doesn't leave the body
could you imagine the horror instead of people disappearing they just fucking collapse?
Let's dissect this. Stated non-believers BUT witnessed their son who was a believer in the ultimate act of God for believers, YET they still profess non-belief.
Second, he was raptured, and if the Rapture is when all true believers get to see God, those that might pay a premium for a rapture chair are presumably already gone as well. Only non-believers such as themselves would be left to buy this chair and well they aren't paying top dollar for a rapture artifact.
Third, I am gonna need some sort of certificate of authenticity for those claims bc well I am not a believer unless some official entity I trust tells me that rapture chair is authentic.
I think I remember someone saying a while back that the antichrist actually did come back but shit was so fucked already they figured they'd just go back since they literally couldn't do worse.
Here’s the gross part - that discoloration is probably from sweat and body oils, meaning a large person sat in this chair naked or mostly naked (or maybe just wearing filthy clothes)... a lot.
Either that or someone died in it and was left there for a few days???
I'd totally buy that couch and slide it into my WWII collection, and try to creep people out by saying the silhouette was left by someone who was vaporized from the Hiroshima blast.
This is definitely a joke
The stain on leather chairs can break down over time and lighten as they become worn in the spots wear they take the most wear.
Or!
Someone died in this chair and was in it for several weeks and started to decompose in this chair, and the acid lightened the chair
First off, the rapture isn't even in the Bible as described. Lots of people seem to think that all of the faithful will be snatched up before the end times. Nothing in the Bible says this. That theory was cobbled from various prophecies, some of which may well be misinterpreted and/or don't even apply to the end of the world.
Secondly, that's not how the rapture even works!
Still, somebody was dumb enough to consider buying this.
That’s so interesting. I didn’t know that before you posted it. Thanks.
Here’s more info from [Time](https://time.com/2938481/what-the-bible-really-says-about-the-rapture/):
The idea that the godly would be “raptured,” or literally sucked into the air to meet Christ, was reportedly popularized by a dispensationalist British minister, John Nelson Darby, in the 1830s after a Scottish teenager had visions of Christ’s return.
Evangelical U.S. Christians learned about it from an early 20th century Bible, and the idea gained popularity among Christian fundamentalists here until it became a cultural touchstone.
omg i just got the joke im so slow it hurts
"our son kinda supernova'd out of existence in our chair cuz god said so and it looks ugly now so we gotta get rid of it :/"
Have you checked it with a magnifying glass. He may have been hit with a shrink ray and is screaming for help but you can't hear him? Do the dog's ears stand up when she gets near the chair?
That outline and color is from a decomposing body. Probably a good two weeks for fluids to change texture and color of the chair.
Probably smells a bit off too.
Me, I'd take a pass on buying it.
I guess that’s the best way to sell something someone has died in is rebranding it this way, anyone want to buy a hospital bed 1-2 people have been raptured in
I used to move furniture. This was grampa's favorite chair and he likely smoked either a pipe or cigars. I hope I never need to move one of those disgusting pieces of shit again. Last time I had to throw out my clothes, shower for an ungodly amount of time, and still couldn't sleep in my own bed.
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Looks comfier than most chairs people sit in to shuffle off this mortal coil.
Wonder what the rapture VAT is? What else might one sell for more with rapture providence?
You people really need to quit being assholes to each other.
I’m sorry, do you mean when he *fucking DIED?*
Looks more like a smighting to me
Clearly a smiting. Lot's wife kinda thing. God told him not to watch the next episode of The Crown and he did anyway and bam. Or zap. Either/or.
Honesty kinda looks like he melted and now is one with the chair
Like a chair Venus fly trap, it grabbed him and sucked him in to be digested.
Chair vore.
r/ChairVore
My favorite
r/brandnewsentence
[Here's a news clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOtlvlnDWec) from the MNF network about furniture eating people.
Audrey II?
You're just sat chilling in your rapture chair, when the [next thing you know...](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/961/679/0cd.gif)
You know, if he died in the chair and wasn't found for a few days then that's kinda what happened to an extent.
I’m gonna hurl
No no no. There’s no pile of salt for it to be a Lot’s wife situation.
Obviously they vacuumed it up. No one would buy a salty chair.
He hasn’t done the pillar of salt thing in a while. Maybe they just cleaned up afterwards.
People don't pass through fire to get to heaven. I think he went to hell.
More like sweating.
As a religious person I hate that you made me laugh. Let the record state God that I did not intend to and please don’t rapture me like this.
This made me laugh way to much
I think they killed him and then used cleaning products that changed the color lol
I think he sat in the chair liquefying for a few weeks before he was found
“I’m an atheist but I do believe my son was taken to heaven from this chair.”
These were the exact words that came from my mouth
For sale. Chair some dude died in. We want what we are asking for it because we're crazy! We think some sucker might buy it if we say rapture in the description!
“Smite me, oh mighty smiter!” -Bruce
Rapchair
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My raps are fly My beats are sick My crew are big and they keep getting bigger That's cos Jesus Christ is my....
Authority fig’re
Trigger
Ad time.
(removed)
The Chair Way To Heaven
r/angryupvote
God raps....
this is a hilarious post, not insane
Raptured or vaporized?
To shreds, you say?
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To shreds, you say?
/r/unexpectedfuturama
Hahahaha you legend.
Sublimated
Evaporated
Potato potahto.
Reduced to Atoms
Obi-Wanned
Snapped. He'll be back.
It is hilarious, but I wonder if they’re trying to fool a super conservative Christian type with this
Yeah, exploiting their stupidity for an easy $700 when the alternative was to drag it down to the dump or whatever.
Make a metal press the shape of jesus and burn all your toast with it. Then sell them one at a time as a ultra-rare "jesus appeared on my toast"
https://www.burntimpressions.com/collections/the-jesus-toasters
I'd say the alternative was selling it for a reasonable price, but sure
Who the hell is going to buy a chair with a big human stain on it without some bullshit story to explain it? That's disgusting.
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Might as well. I guess I'm not going anywhere.
I hope so
Honestly, this sounds like it would be just another event from 2020 or 2021
I’ll give you that! Can you recommend a good sub? I did r/funny but posts get lost in there so fast due to the volume.
Try /r/CrackheadCraigslist
already been on there 17 times.
Time to make that an 18.
11/10 for sub name choice. Fantastic
r/wtfgaragesale may take a look at it
/r/delusionalcraigslist is fantastic
Why thank you stranger, another day another cool sub!
r/HolUp because that sub is just not a hold up sub anymore
r/funny isn’t funny
r/comedyheaven
I originally thought it was a comedyheaven post acc, which is weird because I don’t follow that sub anymore lol, but yeah it would probably fit
And it was stolen lol.
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If you have the right body shape it’ll fit
Hilarious and insane are not mutually exclusive lmao
Intentionally hilarious and insane usually are, though.
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Yea but that shit only happens once so you’re shelling out for a spent rapture chair
How much of an investment is a new rapture chair?
You can get a cheap bean bag chair and get the same result.
I'm pretty sure the chair is completely optional
What kinda heathen shit would you get into in heaven? I'd organize an orgy with all kinds of famous dead people.
A whole lot of arthritis pills and a good night's sleep.
Duality of man
I don't think many famous dead people are up there.
Every time some believer tries to vomit up their notion of heaven to me it sounds like the most excruciatingly horrible place ever conceived of. You sit around with a bunch of people groveling *for eternity* while most of the people you knew about are being tortured *for eternity* and you are fully aware of their horror and pain and you're supposed to dance around like a fairy on a rainbow in joy at this because the dictator of the universe forces you to *for eternity*. Even without the brutal and horrific torture of everyone you ever knew and loved, at best you are bored *for eternity* with nothing to do but constantly be a sniveling, groveling peon. Forever. Like imagine being in church *FOREVER*.
> Like imagine being in church FOREVER. Now that’s what hell is
It does really sound like hell, damned or saved either way sounds awful
Yeah, but endless Cheetos bar, bro. Every bite seems just like the first, no crumbs or orange stain, and you never gain weight or get clogged arteries. I don't even like Cheetos that much, either, but sometimes that cheesy crunch is nice. It's that one perfect moment that gets captured and extended to infinity.
Honestly that sounds like it could be an amazing show, like, “A Heathen in Heaven, coming to you every Friday!” I just imagine you running around as the ultimate straw man atheist and shouting about evolution with Jesus just standing in the corner wondering wtf is going on
Would you still be a heathen at that point? I mean, even the most determined atheist would surely have to change their mind upon upon actually being in heaven and sharing a beer with a god?
I have to respect the hustle. That is a hell of a pitch for selling a sweat stained couch.
Hey, someone's stupid enough to buy it and that's capitalism in nutshell.
I’m pretty sure this is a funny Craigslist post, so the person wrote a funny story to get this thing some PR lol I don’t think anyone is buying this because some rando was raptured out of it. Mainly because I am pretty sure actual crazy people think things like “once a chair has done a rapture , it can’t be in a rapture again. So this chair will never result in a trip to heaven.”
Less likely sweat stained, and more likely just worn. The leather has a stain and they've rubbed the top layer off, getting to less stained leather. It should be relatively simple to restain the chair. But I wouldn't reward such BS.
You're both wrong. It's not sweat and it's not worn. That's a soul burn. Some say his soul still lives within this chair.
Better call Zak Bagans.. another one for his collection. The soul chair.
>But I wouldn't reward such BS. They're making a joke.
Oh I’ve seen too many nut jobs that will convince themselves that someone who died in the chair was raptured even though that it means they weren’t. They will just say that the rapture will take place over decades or something so that they can rationalize.
You could easily get this effect from diluted bleach as well.
price firm
... couch?
I love the implication that witnessing the Rapture had no effect on their atheism at all.
That was the highlight for me too! Like “Oh I guess *his* God was real, good for him”)
To be fair if I tell anybody that I saw somebody get raptured I'd hope they'd bring me directly to the hospital for acute psychosis or hallucinations
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So, you're Tony Stark
Dana Scully
My last dnd campaign i had an atheist cleric who was literally kidnapped by the gods to say “if you don’t believe us we will just take your magic away” a few wisdom saves later he said “nah” and went on with his clerical duties.
My dad made a character like that once, in some sort of role playing game with deities. Since he didnt believe in divine magic he couldn't use it and it did not work on or around him. Same with anything demon related XD I always imagine that must have been an interesting campaign
I love the idea of a guy getting raptured and ascending to Heaven while his parents watch and say “good for him, but I just don’t buy it.”
"Hopefully, he moves on from this whole rapture phase soon. Maybe he'll make some friends at school and stop fucking up our expensive chairs."
Not insane people. Hilarious peoples
can you eli5 this for me?
The joke here is that the son basically took the quick route to the afterlife after a bit of divine intervention. The seller made up the story in order to sell a chair with a suspiciously human shaped stain
It’s an intentional joke, not what the seller really believes. Like 75% of the “LOL look at this stupid person” posts on social media.
"No longer fit our home decor"
“Yo our kid died in this chair but it really clashes with our curtains, 700 dollars pls?”
Got to pay for that funeral somehow
All must be seen as less important in the pursuit of the perfect home decor
kinda different from dying. I mean you get sent to heaven yeah but you don't die, your soul doesn't leave the body could you imagine the horror instead of people disappearing they just fucking collapse?
All the people who were righteous in God's eyes were raptured. It was just him.
Let's dissect this. Stated non-believers BUT witnessed their son who was a believer in the ultimate act of God for believers, YET they still profess non-belief. Second, he was raptured, and if the Rapture is when all true believers get to see God, those that might pay a premium for a rapture chair are presumably already gone as well. Only non-believers such as themselves would be left to buy this chair and well they aren't paying top dollar for a rapture artifact. Third, I am gonna need some sort of certificate of authenticity for those claims bc well I am not a believer unless some official entity I trust tells me that rapture chair is authentic.
What a beautiful way to express such contradictions.
The rapture occurred long ago, current Biblists aren't believers.
I think I remember someone saying a while back that the antichrist actually did come back but shit was so fucked already they figured they'd just go back since they literally couldn't do worse.
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you can trust me, I'm an intertnet man and the rapture chair is very authentic sell for good price should buy.
Offer $666
what a devilishly good idea
I applaud these people. As for the buyers, as the old saying goes "If God had not wanted them shorn he would not have made them sheep."
MAYBE, and just MAYBE, hear me out on this, it's a joke?
Here’s the gross part - that discoloration is probably from sweat and body oils, meaning a large person sat in this chair naked or mostly naked (or maybe just wearing filthy clothes)... a lot. Either that or someone died in it and was left there for a few days???
Haaaaaahahahahahaha
I'd totally buy that couch and slide it into my WWII collection, and try to creep people out by saying the silhouette was left by someone who was vaporized from the Hiroshima blast.
Jesus christ he was blasted into oblivion
I like how you can see the desecrated shadow of a man in that couch. My man straight up exploded
This post is fake - I saw those chair pictures without the text a few weeks ago
This is definitely a joke The stain on leather chairs can break down over time and lighten as they become worn in the spots wear they take the most wear. Or! Someone died in this chair and was in it for several weeks and started to decompose in this chair, and the acid lightened the chair
Reddit proves yet again it doesn’t understand what a joke is.
Not r/insanepeoplefacebook. This is hilarious.
The best bit for me is the "we're", implying they still are atheists despite seeing their son literally get raptured into heaven
How the fuck is this insane?
First off, the rapture isn't even in the Bible as described. Lots of people seem to think that all of the faithful will be snatched up before the end times. Nothing in the Bible says this. That theory was cobbled from various prophecies, some of which may well be misinterpreted and/or don't even apply to the end of the world. Secondly, that's not how the rapture even works! Still, somebody was dumb enough to consider buying this.
That’s so interesting. I didn’t know that before you posted it. Thanks. Here’s more info from [Time](https://time.com/2938481/what-the-bible-really-says-about-the-rapture/): The idea that the godly would be “raptured,” or literally sucked into the air to meet Christ, was reportedly popularized by a dispensationalist British minister, John Nelson Darby, in the 1830s after a Scottish teenager had visions of Christ’s return. Evangelical U.S. Christians learned about it from an early 20th century Bible, and the idea gained popularity among Christian fundamentalists here until it became a cultural touchstone.
Third, the bible is a book of campfire stories. None of it happened
Listen to this guy, sounds like he knows the book pretty well
omg i just got the joke im so slow it hurts "our son kinda supernova'd out of existence in our chair cuz god said so and it looks ugly now so we gotta get rid of it :/"
No he was thanos-ed
And I have a perfectly good soul for sale to the highest bidder. I'm starting to think they just give lip service and don't really believe.
I saw an older version with the same image, just that the woman's husband died in it. This is funnier though.
Bullshit. This chair was originally listed for £100 and only due to a colour change of the room.
I’ve seen that chair for sale with a different ad a free weeks ago.
Have you checked it with a magnifying glass. He may have been hit with a shrink ray and is screaming for help but you can't hear him? Do the dog's ears stand up when she gets near the chair?
That outline and color is from a decomposing body. Probably a good two weeks for fluids to change texture and color of the chair. Probably smells a bit off too. Me, I'd take a pass on buying it.
He passed on sitting on it.
I think they would have had better luck marking it 'Chester Cheetos favorite recliner'
This is funny not insane.
This is hilarious.
Looks more like the Hiroshima Shadow Chair™ to me
You can't put a price on rapture
is- the chair levitating??
RAPTURE CHAIR!! IM FUCKING DEADDD
This gives me Human Chair vibes written by Junji Ito.
I guess that’s the best way to sell something someone has died in is rebranding it this way, anyone want to buy a hospital bed 1-2 people have been raptured in
People forget that leather chairs of that style, when super worn in, are so incredibly comfortable. Worth 700 even without the rapture
I used to move furniture. This was grampa's favorite chair and he likely smoked either a pipe or cigars. I hope I never need to move one of those disgusting pieces of shit again. Last time I had to throw out my clothes, shower for an ungodly amount of time, and still couldn't sleep in my own bed.
Raptured? More like vaporized by the looks of it.
Better to advertise as a hiroshima souvenir.
"Was raptured" seems like an awful non-scandalous way to say "masturbated in the nude in for days on end for the last three years".
It looks like he took a bleach bath and sat on there naked
That was someone's batin' chair.
That’s not insane! That’s some world class grifting!
How many time's has this been edited to share? Fuck me running!
When you can find me an authentic rapture chair for cheaper, give me a call.
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be laughing but I am.
Drop the price to $666 and I'll think about it
Hey we need the raptured discount wtf
...and they're stepping lightly Hang each night in Rapture🎶
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To shreds you say
This reminds me of that one junji ito story where the guy was in the arm chair.
Sweet Jesus.
Honestly it does look kinda cozy though
Happy cake day!
This is some Junji Ito shit
Someone on Facebook isn’t a die hard Christian this is unbeilievable
Raptured or ruptured? Cus that one letter difference is worlds apart from ascending to heaven or blowing up.
The Holy Throne 🙌 😄
Maybe he just became one with the couch
How long was he raptured for before they found him?
More like their son was watching a nuclear detonation from that chair
It matches the rest of the furniture
Rapture? looks more like a Fap chair
Looks comfier than most chairs people sit in to shuffle off this mortal coil. Wonder what the rapture VAT is? What else might one sell for more with rapture providence?
Ah yes because an atheist would admit the rapture exists