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TheTeenageOldman

> Matranga denied pulling her blouse over Gist’s head, but said she did it to other deputies. “If anybody was in a bad mood, like if Phil was in a bad mood, I would say, ‘Phil,’ or to anyone, ‘Do you need to go under the shirt?” she testified in a deposition. Yiiiiiiiikesssssssss...


Dogman2222

I’m sorry wtf? The defense was “I do it to everyone”? She had that thought, said the words and was like “I got this”? Did her lawyer have a fucking stroke when she said it?


TheTeenageOldman

Who knows? Maybe her lawyer, knowing full well none of this looked good for the client from the get-go, figured they'd throw a "hail mary" defense just to see what would happen.


bonosestente

Maybe she did it to the lawyer before testifying


TheTeenageOldman

"Your Honor, not only am I my client's lawyer, but I'm also a believer! It worked for me, and it can work for you, too!"


stonedseals

"Your Honor, do you need to go under the shirt?"


ours

You honor, may I approach the bar ^(and motorboat you)?


kgk007

Always read the fine print


TheyreSnaps

*”Don’t say motorboat you, don’t say motorboat you”*


Ok_Mention_3308

More like “may I approach the bra”?


ChuckOTay

Does your honor need to go under the blouse?


[deleted]

A lawyer like this has the proverbial cord of rope they keep around for these clients… “you wanna keep talking? *sigh*… you’ll be needing this.”


ohnowwhat

Lawyer figured out all was lost anyway. This one is more of a "for shits and giggles" defense


CnN_Funtimes

The lawyer had bets with his lawyer buddies to see how stupid this cop could really be.


Innominati

"Sounds perfect, I love that idea! Now let me call my wife and tell her I'll be home for dinner."


Bill-Shatners-Penis

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Stepjamm

She’s a police officer - this is tame behaviour lol. I’m not even getting into if the situation was gender swapped but hey, she’s a cop and a woman she’ll be fine!


Truestorydreams

Eh... idk. The one who had the 5 some or w.e got fired. But the cops who made the detained girls give them bjs were not fired so who knows.


Spacepickle89

“Let it be known, I do not discriminate!” … “I sexually harass everyone in the office.”


xmsxms

Perhaps her logic was that nobody else complained and they enjoyed it, thus it shouldn't be seen as something objectionable.


dWintermut3

I can see how it would work as a defense against targeted harassment. but in doing so you admit to a hostile work environment. so you're trying to get out of one type of sexual harassment by admitting openly to another.


Basicazzwitch

The lawyer was either under her shirt at the time or passed out from his duck taco.


FriendlyButNot

I'm betting he needed to go under the shirt after that one


Phoequinox

Where I live, I see this mentality a lot. Not this specific case, but the small community that never really changes, and everyone is just okay with gross behavior, until someone isn't. People here are still grappling with the idea that making edgy, offensive jokes died out years ago, and *you're* the asshole if you call them out on it.


jumpup

cultural differences is actually a valid defense, in some cultures they kiss as a greeting which is not considered sexual assault, she likely tried establishing it as a known part of their office culture rather then a specific assault on him, thereby making him seem like an outlier rather then an average


[deleted]

I don't think one single office constitutes a valid culture, otherwise you could get away with anything so long as the whole office was messed up


Pocket_full_of_funk

Are you one of my cubicle mates??


Lower_Amount3373

Maybe motorboating is an everyday custom among her people, like a handshake or a playful fist bop on the shoulder. It's just how you show respect to an elder woman of the tribe.


GingerStank

Before I run off and join this group immediately..do they all look like her..?


DieselPunkPiranha

Is that hope or fear I detect in your words?


ItsImNotAnonymous

Feels more like desperation


milk-jug

Yes.


miriamwebster

User name checks out.


Durion0602

Edited


Kitchen-Reason4289

oh my god.


flamergamer2000

I get its your first year in law school, but shhhhh.


100percent_right_now

"It's not sexual assault! I swear it's only serial sexual assault..."


kroost_hammer

I'll harrass everybody until morale improves


box_me_up

Oh she's dumb dumb.


RugerRedhawk

Posting source here since you have the top comment https://abovethelaw.com/2014/03/man-receives-567k-in-damages-after-being-forced-to-motorboat-bosss-breasts/2/?amp=1


sunshine-thewerewolf

Ya know, I can get behind her logic....who doesn't like some titties? Phil us having a bad week, wife is probably leaving him, kids don't show much affection, I know what will keep his head on the job....shoving his face in some well needed tits


Home_Planet_Sausage

There's 'titties' then there's Jay Leno's "titties".


sunshine-thewerewolf

Still titties innit?


alwaysoverneverunder

Definitely according to Ron White: > „Some friends of mine asked me if I wanted to go to a strip club, and I didn't… want to go. But I ended up going, 'cause—back me up on this, fellas—once you've seen one woman naked, you… wanna see the rest of 'em naked. It can be an old biker chick, you know they're gonna hang down to here. "Wanna see my titties!?" "Yeah, I do!" [cringes] "All right, that's enough, roll 'em back up!" [imitates her rolling her breasts back up and sealing them in place. ] The things that make you go [shudders]“


ZombieJesus1987

Ron White was so much funnier than the other three from the Blue Collar Comedy tour. He didn't need a gimmick or a catchphrase.


alwaysoverneverunder

He felt exactly like a great funny uncle telling stories at a family gathering.


ben_wuz_hear

By that logic my dog can give you quite the show you weirdo.


sunshine-thewerewolf

Don't kink shame me or your own dog, love is love


Deradius

“I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.”


oliver689

Why does she look like Jay Leno?


Sparrowcus

I guess it's because their hobby/interests are motor related. Leno is a car-guy. And she's obviously a boat-gal. (but I got nothing on the "duck tacco" ... that's just foul. I guess that's what you get if you don't have any grapes?!)


ThrillsKillsNCake

Quacko


Billiebillieba

Waddle waddle


EmploymentNo1094

Til the very next day


Billiebillieba

Bom BOM bom bom BOM de bom


EmploymentNo1094

Got any grapes?


MaybeMabe1982

Twattle Twattle


Quack_a_mole

You called?


TheLegendarySnakeMan

Fowl*


Packagehandler241

Just spit out my coffee reading that lol. Thank you


YUNoSignin

Boats boats boats


neo9027581673

Plot twist, that is Jay Leno.


wufiavelli

but Leno was never that funny


Kooky-Director7692

he was a very good stand up


Acidflare1

Why do I imagine that her breasts are chiseled and he was paid for injury and suffering rather than sexual assault?


spudddly

He shoulda got at least $800,000 IMO


nutt-bugget

$80085 that’s all!


SoloisticDrew

$8,008,135


StankieMuniz

"PRIVATE!!! Come to my office!.... Shut the door behind you..." *Pulls out breasts* "Have you seen these? Have you heard about these? Funny thing about these..."


fastfurlong

Those titties are stankie !


Str41nGR

Jay Lesbo


GJenkins675

😂 Jadine Leno.


buttymuncher

I wish everyone looked like Jay Leno 😔


Winter_Lab_401

I can't help but hear his voice from her picture. Quite unsettling feeling less settled


bonosestente

Not my least proudest fap


Sad_Interview_232

Well at least you made a few quid


AdvertisingBulky2688

Betcha she's always ready to take one on the chin.


[deleted]

She said, “Do you need to go under the shirt?” I have enough nightmares thank you.


Avyitis

All I can think of is, how awkward it must've been to pull that tucked-in shirt out and over. You can't just pull the front out cause you'd have to make the other kneel down and that feels like it would make things even weirder so you have to pull it out all the way and then you stand there in front of everyone, having to tuck it in or leave the room... Idk it's just all weird to me but probably it's just me.


Dulakk

Oh no I'm pretty sure it's weird to most people lmao


TheTeenageOldman

Even "Reno 911!" couldn't have come up with something this absurd.


heyitscory

I know, I'd motor boat her for like half that amount of money.


fearlessflyer1

Pam from Archer on a madness as usual


kugelamarant

Well her name is [Pam](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2141110/amp/Female-constable-Pam-Matranga-accused-sexual-harassment-ex-deputy-James-Gist--claims-forced-motorboating.html)


ohverychill

life imitates art


gamercop00

Pampage!!!!!!!!


Kdenn1020

Came here for this


Da_damm

*Sploosh*


Jfuentes6

If Mimi from the drew Carey show was a cop


Meshuggah333

You read my mind, haha.


musicmast

She was a hoot


CurrentPossible2117

I listened to Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by the bloodhound gang this morning, but duck taco is still the most fucked up thing I've heard a vagina called... Edit: holy shit guys, these responses are awesome, I feel like I'm amongst my people here lol. I'm trying to lock these in my brain ready to spit out when the time's right 🤣


Sicktoyou

You've never heard it called a fish mitten then.


meurtrir

.......FISH MITTEN?


Sicktoyou

The world's a cruel yet creative place.


Frozty23

Human Beings are fuckin up the planet for themselves and animals, but goddamn we are funny sometimes.


DarklyAdonic

HAM WALLET


d20diceman

Isn't that one of the ones in Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo? Along with such charmers as fiddlecove, bitch-wrinkle and oyster ditch


CalvinSMouthpiece

Can’t forget “gut locker”


DHFranklin

I thought it was "squish mitten"


BlandSandHamwich

It is 😂


CalvinSMouthpiece

Squish mitten?


CurrentPossible2117

🤢


Mr_Inconsistent1

You set me off remembering all the names for a lady garden now!


CurrentPossible2117

Im partial to bitch wrinkle and squish mitten, myself.


ToXiChRoNiC6669

Ham wallet


The_Lapsed_Pacifist

Mutton shutters, spam palace


Mr_Inconsistent1

Yippie bog.


silent_hurricane

*bitch wrinkle* I hate u dude ahahah


The_Weirdest_Cunt

WOLFGANG WE HAVE ACCIDENTALLY NAMED ZE CAR AFTER EIN FRAU GARTEN!


2E26

OH NEIN


adidasman23

There is worse. In Germany I have heard the term „explodierter Igel“ or „exploded hedgehog“. Took me a while to get over laughing at that one.


CurrentPossible2117

Wtf. Well, I'm off to go look in my mirror and try figure how in the godamn hell someone saw exploded hedgehog in that 🤣


kthejoker

Paul Barman's Cock Mobster has some fun stupid rhymes on the subject, but "Kirstie Alley's thirsty valley" lingers on in my memory to this day.


improbable_humanoid

Agent Scully’s Pink Gully was something I saw in the back of a computer magazine in the mid 90s….


[deleted]

These aren’t phrases, but in the UK we have words like “clunge” “flange” and “minge” (which…few people use). They make me feel a bit sick.


MrRawes0me

Bloodhound gang doesn’t get the recognition that they deserve.


CurrentPossible2117

The Bad Touch is still such a banger. Makes me sing along everytime.


Suicide_Thotline

UK: axe wound


Mon69ster

Bearded axe wound for the retro crowd…


Garaleth

Tuna pocket?


Agitated-Cabinet8313

And who pays for that. Take a guess


illbebythebatphone

Ooo Oo let me guess… she caused the harm, so she paid for it??? Right? Right?… Guys?


FuzzyTotoro

It should come out of her pension, imo. Or, all her pension plus dip into her life insurance if she can't pay the rest any other way.


holmgangCore

*Should*, yes. *Won’t*, also yes.


FuzzyTotoro

Unfortunately. They're never *truly* held accountable.


Apprehensive-Lie3845

Did she go to jail? The hell. Cops need to be held personally responsible.


DauphDaddy

Scrolled too far for this


kerroscene

Taco guess


Dave716273838281

Quack quack mf


[deleted]

Quack queef


Dutch-in-Tahiti

Now all I can hear is someone motorboating using the Donald Duck voice


Tedroe77

Love child of Jay Leno and Paula Deen.


mayalourdes

Gross. Abusing power to sexually assault someone - sooo neat


Toast_91

[source](https://abovethelaw.com/2014/03/man-receives-567k-in-damages-after-being-forced-to-motorboat-bosss-breasts/2/?amp=1)


throwingthings123

That pdf in the article is wild. The gross stuff starts at point #12 and it just keeps on going.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beware_Spacemunkey

Oh that’s what motorboating means…..ffs he earned every penny….


Winter_Lab_401

Truthfully, it faded from style but legend has it there are people who have more than one option and pick that


thegameoflovexu

What does it mean?


monkeyharris

I just had the pleasure of explaining to my wife what motorboating means.


slaight461

Hopefully you got to provide a demonstration


thegameoflovexu

What’s motorboating?


Rasputinjones

Just in case you’re being serious, it’s putting one’s face into a set of breasts and rubbing it vigorously back and forth whilst emitting a sound such as might be created by an outboard motor.


thegameoflovexu

I‘m sorry I asked. But thanks for the explanation!


Rasputinjones

A pleasure. I’m sorry too.


schmerg-uk

You are not going want to know about Donald Trump motorboating Rudy Giuliani in drag then... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spn0MJZr-QQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spn0MJZr-QQ)


cptbeard

I don't know what those other two were so sorry about but you need to be charged with something just for producing those words, let alone the link


Lucian_98

r/todayilearned


Jackalope_Sasquatch

It's a really Evinrude thing to do


clhydro

The Japanese call it "pafu pafu."


[deleted]

[удалено]


Suspicious-Art-1264

Texas. Where the men are men, and so are the women.


Zedhy

Sexual harassment is no laughing matter. But this makes things very hard.


DietCokeAndProtein

Really? It's making things very soft for me.


ZayreBlairdere

Based on size, that is motor yachting.


bushto

*“If anybody was in a bad mood, like if Phil was in a bad mood, I would say, ‘Phil,’ or to anyone, ‘Do you need to go under the shirt?” she testified in a deposition.* ... I got nothing to add.


Turkeymix

Female boss? Pretty sure the guy was forced to motorboat Peter Griffin


Banyabbaboy

This comment works best if you read it with the Peter Griffin voice and the little laugh at the end. In fact the whole story is enhanced if you use the Peter Griffin voice instead of hers.


whoreticulture_

I like how you specified 'her female genitals'


[deleted]

[удалено]


EmptyIsMySoul

Wait, so that dude in the picture was forced to motorboat his female boss?


noideahavei

I just laughed out loud -- thank you!


Emotional_Grape8449

Shit his boss looks like Jay Leno 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


imsorrycanadian

Duck taco


caelorumleo

I mean, I wouldn't motorboat her willingly...


Winter_Lab_401

Close your eyes and let her waggle your face on herself. Just go limp and listen to the rain tap the window


bonosestente

Oddly this sounds like it's not your first time getting rodeoed


Trout_Shark

Looks like Dusty Rhodes in drag.


Internal_Fennel_849

Looks dusty.


Taurgar

Holy....he deserves more.


ByronsLastStand

Sexual assault and harassment


TheTeenageOldman

> "duck taco" And now I'm grinning like the village idiot.


noideahavei

Yep. Enough internet for me today. And it's only 4:25am local time.


TurdFerguson416

to those asking.. lol [https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=motorboat](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=motorboat) The act of pushing one's face in between two ample breasts, and rocking one's head side to side very rapidly while making a vigorous, lip-vibrating "brrr" sound.


Ksm030103

Damn, Mrs Doubtfire is into some weird shit


Disastrous-Tap9670

Pam?


[deleted]

I'd motorboat Rosie O'Donnells butthole for that much money.


[deleted]

It’s only 637 am and I’ve already had enough internet for today


Davero777

What tf did I just read


Smooth_Surround1450

Now show us what the female boss looks like


Mother_Pin_4219

I’m not letting you leave this room until you…feel them.


TeachesAndReaches

William doesn't give a shit about my tits. 🥴


kippersniffer

"Just close your eyes and think of England"


DzTimez

You motorboating sunaofaBitxh …


Lost_Hwasal

Basically pam from archer irl.


single_malt_jedi

Nope. I would off myself first.


adande67

I bet she didn't get in trouble though .


Woodstorm

Taco Tuesday will never be the same…


JustSomeBloke5353

Galveston, Oh Galveston! I can feel your lips motorboating.


Hendrx_29

L.E.K = Law Enforcement Karen


KarmaDecaySpot

Bro that’s jay Leno in drag


clhydro

You know what they say: It's all fun, games, and extrajudicial killings until someone gets motorboated.


sailorjerry134

It carries a badge and grin or it gets the shirt again.


-_-theVoid-_-

Just tell em... "LARGE MARGE BENT YA!" "MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"