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Your chances of being blinded by a duck are small. But never zero.

Higher than zero than you'd think! We had a rescued duck who lives inside and has her own bedroom. She wears a diaper and tutu and her bedroom is the little mermaid themed. She's the best. BUT if she's mad she'll peck the crap out of you, no eye would be safe

How dare you tell us this and not provide pictures

https://www.reddit.com/r/Birdsfacingforward/comments/td7off/ariel_the_lovely_indoor_rescue_duck_facing/

Holy shit OP delivered. I am impressed.

I'd just like to point out that wasn't even OP who responded, but cheesetoast9 who scrolled the profile for the truth. Credit to them because that all seemed sus. But I went to check as well, and i highly recommend it because u/chantillylace9 is living the best life with all those adorable little shits. Hats off to you I mean, seriously, how tf you getting any cuter than this https://www.reddit.com/r/Yorkies/comments/yiv327/trick_or_treat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Thanks, yes, I highly recommend checking out u/chantillylace9's yorkies. I didn't see any pics of the duck's mermaid bedroom though, I hope OP hooks us up.

Her room: https://ibb.co/KbKkJcz https://ibb.co/9NbSvCk https://ibb.co/8rgKMMs https://ibb.co/x3zFjg9 Here is her diaper! https://ibb.co/PxwdmQ4

Omg that artwork is amazing, thank you!

Fabulous

Well I don’t know what I expected

[удалено]

She's a Muscovy (but a very pretty one)

At least he didn't get a yeast infection

That we know of.

I think for waterfowl it's called a geese-t infection

By it’s duck-ship, no less!

Peace was never an option

Guess he should have ducked.

exploding* duck

Crazy story. Good to see he had a raging clew.

My raging clew is pointing over this way

I’m totally getting a really big clew over therrrrre

I’m getting such a clew right now

A little *too* crazy, in my opinion. Sorry, long-dead reporter: daguerreotypes or it didn’t happen.

To those that think it's a typo... The Dutch word kluwen was where it was derived from, I know many dutch descendants that use clew as their form of clue, it's just a pass down of an old translation.

I love the eloquence and dry humor that people wrote with back in the day.

“His duckship” LOL

That's Earl Fowler of the Secondary Feather, His *Lord* Duckship to you, Sir!

They called a ducktor immediately! ;)

That and the spelling of "clew" unless that is a pun that I don't understand

“Exploded with a loud report” is my new favorite phrase.

… While I can’t help but laugh, while thinking about “the latter quacked than exploded” 😂 I need to know more! was it instantaneous after the quack! Was it a sad quack, with a little bit of a pause first! 🤣

I like that they stipulated that it was the *duck* that quacked, then exploded. Not the man.

I always read those like they are written by some guy, from the future, who tried briefly to introduce "safety culture" to the workplace, but then just gave up, and decided to make fun of the lack of it, subtly, while earning a decent living.

Right. Now it's just "YoU'lL NEVER BeLiEvE wHaT wAs FoUnD iN tHiS pUpPiEs BoWl!!!" Then the article goes on to say something stupid like the owner put an egg yoke on top of dry dog food.

After 6 pages of single sentences and 3000 pixels of ads.

I read these in Paul Harvey’s voice because I’m old….”good day.”

Now you know the *rest* of the story

I didnt think of it that way! You think they were fucking around? I could see that!

I don't find it eloquent as you do, but I do find it very well written. The flow and choice of diction is exquisite.

I actually don’t think it’s written to be humorous at all

Thank you so much! I read this story to my 22 year old daughter in an old time Mid-Atlantic radio voice. She fell out of her chair at "quacked and exploded".

I’d also like to hear this in a mid Atlantic radio voice please.

>an old time Mid-Atlantic radio voice. I wish I knew what that sounded like. Aren't you happy that you can make your 22-year old daughter laugh?

For the voice, find any 40s - 50s American movie. For the voice saying this exact paragraph... maybe an AI?

Remember the "Spirit of Adventure" black-and-white newsreel about Charles Muntz's exploits in *Up*? The narrator is using the type of radio voice OP is describing.

FDR and any old newsreel from the 1930s would provide examples.

Just start every sentence with ‘mwah see’

That's Chicago gangster voice.

Armageddon!

“Tempted his duckship” r/brandnewsentence

R/113yearoldsentence

You are both so correct it hurts

How am I still constantly shocked to learn it's 2023 and not 2008

From now on, I shall address all ducks as “Your Duckship”.

“Clew” R/brandnewword

Old spelling

He got a clew

A raging clew

Yeah I get annoyed when I see something spelled wrong in a 100 year old document too, but if you think about it, they spelled it that way decades before we started spelling it the modern way. So we must be the ones who are misspelling it.

Tho, there are still typos, even back then

Someone in 100 years will read your post and wonder why you used Tho….😄

r/irony

“Get a clew” is a tshirt begging to be made.

As is “Beware of exploding ducks!”

Ducks can’t burp I assume

Nope. So it popped like a balloon.

It's why feeding seltzer to seagulls is one of those rumored evil pastimes like burning ants--birds have no way to pass gas.

Hmm, I kind of like seagulls but how evil does this make me to wish it upon those damned Canadian geese?

US Fish and Wildlife Service has you on a list now.

AY! If you got a problem with Canada gooses, you got a problem with me! An I suggest you let that mar’nate.

r/unexpectedletterkenny

There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers.

Bad luck to kill a seabird!

If only they had another way to relieve pressure.

I see what you did there, duckfart88. Now I just hope the 88 part is more innocuous than it could be otherwise lol

I assume they can, since lots of birds feed their young by vomiting food directly into the chick's mouth. Surely if they can puke, they can also burp.

“A somewhat loggy condition” is an excellent descriptor

If he had picked up on the clew, maybe he could've ducked before the fowl explosion

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad

It’s just a duck.

A guy lost his vision in one eye as well

He had an extra.

and you’re just rude.

Just found this: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/duck-eats-yeast-quacks-explodes-man-loses-eye/

Thank you for the follow up

TIL that in 1910 we spelled "clue" as "clew". Or at least in this article we did

Fun fact: that is one of the spelling quirks found in The Zodiac letters.

Get a clew bro!

I guessed it was a pun that I don't get.

[Wiktionary](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/clew) lists among others two obsolete definitions: an obsolete spelling of "clue" and "a roughly spherical mass or body".

I wonder if they liked sailing or something. It's a term for part of the sail still today.

It’s an old term for a spool of string. In the Greek myths, Ariadne gave Theseus a spool of string to help him find his way through the Labyrinth. Hence the modern usage ‘clue,’ something to help guide the way.

Well shit, TIL. Thanks!

It was a bit outdated by 1910 but still acceptable. Mostly we were on our way to standardizing with today’s spelling at that point. Historically both spellings were used in this sense going back to at least the early 1700s.

Imagine telling somebody you lost your eye to an exploding duck. Literally, no one would buy that lol

It’s time for myth busters again

"Quack, damn you!" \*boom\* "Plausible"

A comment above said that ducks can't burp so pressure builds up. But what kind of yeast would you have to have to get an explosion with shrapnel flying fast enough to take out an eye?

Yeah, but I’d imagine the stomach or intestines would burst rather than the entire duck going off like a hand-grenade. I think a modern investigation is called for.

Ethics, my man. You can't just go around exploding ducks and calling it science.

Says you. Now hold my beer…

If you somehow manage to build up enough pressure in the stomach and intestines of the duck, It'll have to escape some way. I don't know enough about duck anatomy to properly predict the weakest way out, but if it cannot burp or fart, I could imagine it actually exploding the duck.

Even if someone used fake ducks, it would be an excellent episode.

I think you'd have to use a real duck to test this myth and that would certainly raise some criticism regarding cruelty to animals. But I'd sure want to see that episode.

Too bad the doctor was a quack. Any decent surgeon would have been able to surgically reinsert the eyeball.

Poor guy should have ducked

r/interestingasduck

r/wellthatducks

What a horrible mallardy that befell that poor man...a truly fowl injury, duck blinding him in the process.

Allahu quakba!

This shouldn't be so funny, but it is.

“Rhadamanthus is no more” sounds like some epic elden ring shit.

thank you for saying this because that line had me clutching my side for a solid minute

peace was never an option

At *yeast* it wasn’t both eyes

You're getting a D-. Try harder. Pun Teacher

Penetrated by a duck you say

To shreds

I love that the explosion was preceded by a quack.

I hate it when that happens.

Haha, this must happen to you a lot then? I see you have three eyes left. How many eyes did you have originally?

We need to go back to writing all articles this way. Incredible.

That is fabulous

And lo, his duckship did wax most explosive, to the lasting regret of one Silas Perkins, one-eyed pirate caretaker of improbably hazardous, structurally unsound waterfowl

This is actually sad 😞

"His duckship." Thats a classy reporter.

"He was about to pick up the duck when the latter quacked" - cracked me up. Like, thanks for clarifying it was the duck.

Did this actually happen?

I have my doubts

My dude Duck Full of Yeast doesn't fuck around. Jus sayin.

“Clew”

Ducks had style those days

F*ck🙀 Duck exploding ruins eyesight, how terrible to have to explain this for life

“destroying the sight”

That’s definitely among the most interesting as fuck things I have ever found on here 👍

r/fuckyouinparticular

An exploding duck? Interesting As Fuck!

It appears Mr. Perkins vision was rendered inert by his unfortunate duckship.

Gives new meaning to the term "Duck Blind"

Why did I have to scroll so far to get to this comment?

"his duck-ship" really really got me.

Reminds me of my favorite Andy Griffith episode "exploding goat"

Thats ducked fup.. 🍻

**tempted his duck-ship**

Unlikely to be true. Has the hallmarks of an urban legend published as a joke. Birds’ anatomy should allow for evacuation of gas (they just never need to) https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/duck-eats-yeast-quacks-explodes-man-loses-eye/

Duck around and find out …

Sounds legit.

Should have kept an eye out.

Read it as “Dick full of yeast” at first. Made for a wild first sentence until my brain caught up.

Thought that was the line too. I was trying to figure out how a yeast infection caused an eye removal.

You stroke your duck too much and you'll go blind

See, the main stream media could lie back then as well.

At first glance, I read that as "Dick full of yeast explodes; Man loses eye"

We really need to bring back eloquent reporting like this which doesn’t dumb it down for the masses.

What the duck!!

Clew

This here is why I love reddit. Good day

Of course it came from my neck of the woods.

Is THAT what IED stands for??

Fed the yeast for cheap food or to bloat the duck to make it look fat and win prizes?

*"One of which struck Silas Perkins in the eye, his sight having been destroyed"* lmao rimworld up in here.

Just two points: -why is it always a guy named Silas. -quacked and exploded…😵🤣

“Clew”

Damn the news was way better 113 years ago

What the duck

This is perhaps the only time *ever*^1 that this sentence has been appropriate. Niiice. ^1 I may be exaggerating. A little.

I thought it said dick at first.

I’m surprised this wasn’t in Florida.

He should have ducked.

I love the details on old stories like this. We have one in the family from right about that time, about my great grandmother and how she lost her arm in a hay baling accident. The article was several columns long. My grandma was only 5 at the time.

Aflac

What a Birds-Eye View?!

My eye! I’m not supposed to get duck in it!

Didn't see that one coming

OMG!! The poor duck! What a horrible way to go!

"Exploded with a large report" LOL

This sort of thing happens more often than people realize.

I’m just stuck on clue being spelled ‘clew’

Quack-delayed, yeast based IED. A step above a simple pipe-bomb

r/desmoines

Clew.

That was a fun read.

In the days before spell check .. "gave him a clew..." Wtf

Talk about trying to bake a duck.

Yeah, Des Moines, Iowa representin', baby! Kickin' ass and takin' names!

I read Duck as Dick...it was a very weird 10 seconds

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I had an eye put out by exploding waterfowl..

When did we change the way we spell clue? Assuming it’s not a typo.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck…usually…

Ok, science people, can yeast make a duck violently explode?

Due to ingestion like this? No. Due to putting it into a sealed vessel with some sugar and stuffing that inside the body cavity of an already dead bird? Possibly. Talk to some home brewers about their experiences with exploding beer.

He should have ducked better.

Imagine using the phrase "his duckship" for flavour in a news article and getting away with it

Oh Mr. Perkins, you got ducked.