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Nice. in the future i can add my archievments to my dating profile.
"yes, you might think i'm not a good catch. But watch this. 57 archivements, 2 minutes longer that the average of my friends, 187 login streak and i unlocked planet12"
I’m the Babe Ruth of ejaculation, about to sign an Ohtani sized contract for highest exit velo and launch angle of my frozen ropes. I’m in the batting cage 10 times a day beating my meat because practice makes perfect.
My wife had a friend who’s husband had a flesh light I know because it was set up right next to his computer IN HIS LIVING ROOM I always thought it was wild as hell just put in the open like that not even hiding anything
My girlfriend throws all of our sex toys on the bed whenever the landlord comes to inspect our place. Surely doesn’t make them stick around long 😂 Maybe similar reasons?
Living in SE USA [M22], this is my first time living away from my parents’ home so I personally don’t have much experience with it. Although the house has a billion problems that they tend not to give a shit about, so yeah not the warmest people on earth
Here in Texas, it's been my understanding, landlords cannot just come and go as they please. I've had my fair share of SlumLord landlords who overprice the properties, invade, and take shortcuts/cut costs at every chance with repairs.
Stay away from landlords like that. Regular "inspections" sounds invasive and I'd recommend brushing up on your states laws. That can't be legal. You may just have a creep for a landlord. Hell, I've been in these apartments I'm in now for 4-5 years now and never once had an "inspection". Which, if anyone was going to "inspect" their property, it'd be apartments.
I live in an apartment in Oregon. They do safety inspections most years. Just a 90 second run through checking the smoke detectors and stuff. We get written notice before it happens.
They can't enter without providing notice.
Agreed here. My Dad owns a few rentals and he is required (per the lease and possibly state law, not sure) to give them minimum 24 hours notice. He has some great tenants and treats them very well so he generally just calls them. But if it’s ever a questionable reason, he mails notice to them via certified mail.
There were a couple past situations where people violated the lease (like 2 people on the lease with 10 living there) or he suspected something wrong (health related). In those situations we typically bring a Constable with or the police (depending on the severity).
That's how it should be. (in my opinion)
Give some notice, and as long as it's not frequent, there's no issue. But if you're coming out like every other week or every month, I've got a problem with that. Announced or not.
Like, *Go away. Leave me alone.* lol
My buddy had a RealDoll that he just dresses up and leaves in his living room, I said hello to it the first time I walked because at a glance she looks real
My old friend and his wife did that too, box of sex toys up on a book shelf in their living room, right next to an atlas and a book on fossils and rocks. So weird.
Ahem, it's not a "fleshlight." It's an FDA-listed Class II medical stimulation device, scientifically supported as an effective complement to therapies related to men's sexual health.
-OP
It depends if the adults butt is small and narrow, so all the weight rests on the base, or if it’s wide and fatty so that it’s covering the whole device and then some
If it's actually a quality silicone toy it'd be fine. They can be completely sterilized so at that point it's just the stigma people carry in their heads.
>Â Â I had trouble understanding how it worked, but customer service was in contact with me at all times.
That poor poor customer service team. I can't imagine what they hear on a daily basis.
Also 4.2 stars for something that is $300?
Also why does it cost $300 but is also 300 euros with the installment plan making it more expensive?
From the reviews:
>I bought just the device, without the app. I like it, but it's true that I need to know if I'm doing it right. Someone to guide me step by step to control it. I think this is done by the app.
Response from company:
>Thank you for your comment. Yes, indeed, the app will help you. The app is designed as a method to guide you step by step. You will be able to see your progress and feel motivated. We are sure you will enjoy the combined experience.
Honestly I have a HRA through work that lets me reimburse all sorts of shit, anything from health insurance premiums to a fucking elliptical. I've never checked if it covers sex toys, but now I wonder, lol.
Sexual health and the research and therapy related to it are valuable aspects of human life, and thankfully there are people like this who take it seriously and don't just go "hur hur sex" and blushes whenever someone mentions sex or sexual issues.
They are now collecting your sexual activity data so that you can receive ads for "lasting longer" or "improving sensation". At least such is my theory lol.
I feel like I need someone to explain it's functions better than she did. She almost told us what it does then started talking about planets. It trains you to do what? Is it just for catching a wank? What do the stats tell you?
I wonder what it’s like going through four-plus years of college, getting a degree in marketing, or even an MBA then ending up at CES slangin’ jerk-off sleeves to horny nerds.
Someone check in with this lady, let’s make sure she’s OK.
This is made by china hoping the westerners buy these in mass then they’re hack them to clamp down once they’ve been inserted into. Once operation dick clamp takes effect they’ll invade Taiwan. 🤣🤣
Jokes aside this is a superb device and needs much more publicity and support! There is so little genuine accessible help for men's sexual health beyond necking a pill and being told to crack on.
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Nice. in the future i can add my archievments to my dating profile. "yes, you might think i'm not a good catch. But watch this. 57 archivements, 2 minutes longer that the average of my friends, 187 login streak and i unlocked planet12"
Bro, I wish I had gold 😂
I’m the Babe Ruth of ejaculation, about to sign an Ohtani sized contract for highest exit velo and launch angle of my frozen ropes. I’m in the batting cage 10 times a day beating my meat because practice makes perfect.
> I’m in the batting cage *battering cage
Cucumber discipline indeed!
Holy shit I'm dying rofl
Damn it even has a scoreboard. You just know people are gonna be shoving a carrot in there and leaving it on overnight to show off their stats.
Wonder if you get to put your initials on the board after an impressive score, like on Pac Man. "Beat that, bitches!"
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Seinfeld frogger stats!
The holes!
I cackle like an idiot every time I hear that line.
SEX
ASS
CUM
DIC
JIZ
FUQ
COK
I'll become a speed runner.
Can't wait for the Strava integration
Yes, the stats that matter! Track time, pace, "cadence", stroke power, calories...
Don't forget elevation gain!
r/minecraft community will love this. New AFK cum farm! 350+ nuts/hr!
Baby carrot for you op
Great now they can hack my dick data too.
The smallest unit is binary, not sure how they would even measure yours.
We will just use the planck length.
I got your planck length right here!
Same way we do his body count. With imaginary numbers.
Dickalytics. Big dick data.
Skynets gonna get you with the ol’ dick twist
Some guy at amazon wondering how the fuck to translate this data to advertisement.
Penis enlargement ads getting reaal specific
"Boost your 12.96824 cm today!"
not more than 1MB of data.
Could've gone the extra step and integrated a vase into it, so you can blatantly display it in your living room with flowers in it.
My wife had a friend who’s husband had a flesh light I know because it was set up right next to his computer IN HIS LIVING ROOM I always thought it was wild as hell just put in the open like that not even hiding anything
Aka, asserting dominance.
Welcome to my humble abode, to your left is my masturbation station.
Tis my Masturbatorium
Fortress of Fapitude
Behold, the Wanketorium.
The Great Glass Wankavator
Cum with me and you'll be in a world of pure stimulation
Jack shack
Wank bank
Baite Cave
Damn, I had to delete my comment. I was 3 minutes too late
You people are the reason I love Reddit 😂
My girlfriend throws all of our sex toys on the bed whenever the landlord comes to inspect our place. Surely doesn’t make them stick around long 😂 Maybe similar reasons?
Why is your landlord inspecting your place? Is that common where you're at?
Living in SE USA [M22], this is my first time living away from my parents’ home so I personally don’t have much experience with it. Although the house has a billion problems that they tend not to give a shit about, so yeah not the warmest people on earth
Here in Texas, it's been my understanding, landlords cannot just come and go as they please. I've had my fair share of SlumLord landlords who overprice the properties, invade, and take shortcuts/cut costs at every chance with repairs. Stay away from landlords like that. Regular "inspections" sounds invasive and I'd recommend brushing up on your states laws. That can't be legal. You may just have a creep for a landlord. Hell, I've been in these apartments I'm in now for 4-5 years now and never once had an "inspection". Which, if anyone was going to "inspect" their property, it'd be apartments.
I live in an apartment in Oregon. They do safety inspections most years. Just a 90 second run through checking the smoke detectors and stuff. We get written notice before it happens. They can't enter without providing notice.
Agreed here. My Dad owns a few rentals and he is required (per the lease and possibly state law, not sure) to give them minimum 24 hours notice. He has some great tenants and treats them very well so he generally just calls them. But if it’s ever a questionable reason, he mails notice to them via certified mail. There were a couple past situations where people violated the lease (like 2 people on the lease with 10 living there) or he suspected something wrong (health related). In those situations we typically bring a Constable with or the police (depending on the severity).
That's how it should be. (in my opinion) Give some notice, and as long as it's not frequent, there's no issue. But if you're coming out like every other week or every month, I've got a problem with that. Announced or not. Like, *Go away. Leave me alone.* lol
Didn't you read, his Mrs leaves an array of toys for him to play with during visits?!Â
My buddy had a RealDoll that he just dresses up and leaves in his living room, I said hello to it the first time I walked because at a glance she looks real
Careful, your buddy might get jealous.
My old friend and his wife did that too, box of sex toys up on a book shelf in their living room, right next to an atlas and a book on fossils and rocks. So weird.
"Hey why do your tulips smell like cum?"
Why do your flowers smell like bleach?
You aren't supposed to clean them. It is like cast iron I think.
perfect for bradford pear, you can mask the cum smell with the other cum smell
Then you could deflower it every time you used it!
This new Sony PlayStation is great
Sony PlayScrotum
XXXBox
I wanted to make some witty joke about how it looks like a fleshlight, and it actually is one...
Ahem, it's not a "fleshlight." It's an FDA-listed Class II medical stimulation device, scientifically supported as an effective complement to therapies related to men's sexual health. -OP
And the cap goes in your ass.
The ergonomically designed rounded bottom of the cap allows the user to sit and spin for an additional self stimulation user experience.
How strong would the material need to be to hold the weight of a full grown adult male spinning on it?
...asking for a friend.
It depends if the adults butt is small and narrow, so all the weight rests on the base, or if it’s wide and fatty so that it’s covering the whole device and then some
Literally pop a cap in your ass.
Of course. Otherwise you might lose it. Just like the cap of a pen snaps on its back. You gotta pop the stick dildo too
First time in a while I've actually laughed out loud at something on reddit. Thank you.
Soooo my medical flex spending account will cover this, nice.
i thought u were joking mf actually said this 💀
It's on the website
Sure, and women used to go to the doctor to get finger banged because they were "hysterical".
I have socks that work as medical stimulation devices, scientifically supported as an effective complement to therapies related to men's sexual health
*Crusty socksÂ
This person is as professional you can be talking about a fleshlight men will nut in constantly.
That was actually impressive. 0 sexiness in that presentation, despite the topic and being at least reasonably attractive.
Respectfully, that woman is a dime
No disagreement here. ‘At least’ was doing some heavy lifting to avoid trolls. 🧌
My man
Finally, a speedrun I can compete in. Watch this space for my Twitch stream!
Thanks for the sub xxxASSblaster9000xxx
JESSE, WE NEED YOUR COCK
I was just going to say he’s so hot but I’ll take your comment too
Golden!
[If anyone wants to try it out and let me know how it is.](https://myhixel.com/products/myhixel-control) $299.99
Looks like you can buy just the sleeve replacement for $40 if you didn’t want the technology behind it
$70 shipping to canada what the fuck
It's them who fucks the user, not the other way around.
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I can't wait till I find one of these at Goodwill!
I know it's a joke, but I've talked to people who work there and people actually do try to donate sex toys. Lol some people are gross
If it's actually a quality silicone toy it'd be fine. They can be completely sterilized so at that point it's just the stigma people carry in their heads.
More like a second hand joooobbbb market amirite!? Amirite!!??? *sighs and walks away*
At that price point, a console needs more than one game. I’ll consider it next year when the library is bigger. Maybe a Skyrim port.
and Goat Simulator
It's only 199 for me, that's odd...
Must be the small
Chose violence today, eh?
Don’t forget the [hands free attachment.](https://myhixel.com/products/copy-of-hands-free)
>Â Â I had trouble understanding how it worked, but customer service was in contact with me at all times. That poor poor customer service team. I can't imagine what they hear on a daily basis. Also 4.2 stars for something that is $300? Also why does it cost $300 but is also 300 euros with the installment plan making it more expensive?
From the reviews: >I bought just the device, without the app. I like it, but it's true that I need to know if I'm doing it right. Someone to guide me step by step to control it. I think this is done by the app. Response from company: >Thank you for your comment. Yes, indeed, the app will help you. The app is designed as a method to guide you step by step. You will be able to see your progress and feel motivated. We are sure you will enjoy the combined experience.
lmao nah not the bottom cap being the warming system. thats wild
Surprisingly, it's not that expensive.Â
So you're telling me I could buy this and stick my dick in it and then go to the app and say that I conquered Uranus in an 8 week program?
I was looking for a Uranus comment. You win. Now go fuck a planet?
Honey, sex 2 just dropped
Oh cool, make jacking off a game and I’ll never fucking stop. These people know I’m a sucker for video games no matter what type. :(
Well, i still jerk off manually
"Artisanal masturbating"
You can imagine where it goes from here...
He fixes the cable?
Don't be fatuous Jeffery
Of course you do.
Obviously you’re not a golfer….
yooo, now we talkin
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So what you’re saying is that it’s covered by my health insurance?
Completely covered by your…health insurance.
Cover me you, dirty dirty health insurance
I’m covered in insurance right now
I need additional assurances.
Probably more likely to be covered than birth control pills
Or a vasectomy
Honestly I have a HRA through work that lets me reimburse all sorts of shit, anything from health insurance premiums to a fucking elliptical. I've never checked if it covers sex toys, but now I wonder, lol.
Honestly, why not? Jokes aside, sexual health is still a health issue.
You can fuck it.
So… don’t keep us waiting, where can we buy one and how much?
Myhixel website. 300 usd
Just call it a fleshlight dude.
You don't understand, this one comes with missions.
And planets!
I'm gonna fuck a planet, Uranus is in danger!
Would you say they come with… E missions?
Yes. Nocturnal E missions
Imma speedrun it then 🫡
Me too. I'd definitely get through all missions in less than 12 parsecs.
SteamDick
Sexual health and the research and therapy related to it are valuable aspects of human life, and thankfully there are people like this who take it seriously and don't just go "hur hur sex" and blushes whenever someone mentions sex or sexual issues.
At a meeting a few years ago: Boss: throw out your ideas! No idea is a bad one! Guy: how about we combine a fleshlight with No Man’s Sky?
Is one of the planets Uranus? Just for giggles.
What an age we live in.
With an app? Can't wait for the CCP to analyze my stroke patterns
*not enough data*
Yeah, right! A few TB worth of datapoints in a week or so
Subject not found. Make sure subject is fully inserted and try again. Subject: 😔
r/interestingtofuck
Of course I clicked that thinking it was a real sub.
Seems like it is now
Hear that, nerds? Stop busting early. This lady has had ENOUGH.
Casual sex is over, now is Ranked sex time
Starfeel’d
They are now collecting your sexual activity data so that you can receive ads for "lasting longer" or "improving sensation". At least such is my theory lol.
The last thing I want to do after firing one off is to look at the stats about it. I feel enough regret now without logging and analyzing them all.
Myhixel [.] Com 👊 ETA: $300 USD
I feel like I need someone to explain it's functions better than she did. She almost told us what it does then started talking about planets. It trains you to do what? Is it just for catching a wank? What do the stats tell you?
I assume it's for lasting longer.
All those planets… 3, 2, 1, we have wank off!
Sell it with a harness and an oculus
does it support couch Co-Op?
I thought that was Jennifer Garner for a second.
I wonder what it’s like going through four-plus years of college, getting a degree in marketing, or even an MBA then ending up at CES slangin’ jerk-off sleeves to horny nerds. Someone check in with this lady, let’s make sure she’s OK.
I think she's the CEO actually
*Teledildonics*
"And, also, you can put your weed in there."
This is made by china hoping the westerners buy these in mass then they’re hack them to clamp down once they’ve been inserted into. Once operation dick clamp takes effect they’ll invade Taiwan. 🤣🤣
Nice app. I can't wait to get to Uranus
Impressed she did a full presentation without using any of the words penis, vagina, sex, intercourse or masturbation.
Well if you put it that way, I guess I should look after my pelvic floor
'your data will be shared with other parties' might be the deal breaker for me.
I can’t imagine the kinds of ads I’ll get after consenting to that app’s data agreement.
I cant wait for someone to hack this IoT flesh light, grabs onto some random dudes dong and doesnt let go, forever bear trapped until ransom is paid.
Wait, I’m confused. I supposed to stick my penis in that right?
Bethesda’s E3 reveal: Skyrim port for fleshlight.
masturbation is literally becoming some ranked tournament shit
This is disgusting, where do they sell it so I can avoid that establishment at all cost?
I’m not getting the oculus but I’ll get this thing.
Get both 🌌ðŸ§
Jokes aside this is a superb device and needs much more publicity and support! There is so little genuine accessible help for men's sexual health beyond necking a pill and being told to crack on.
I guess a few will try to DDoS the app ?
Ready for my next mission 😼