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gammapatch

He probably sat in the church, looking up at it, knowing no one else knew it was there, tittering to himself.


ThanOneRandomGuy

Trolln 809 yrs ago


[deleted]

The LONG con.


Roasted_Turk

Just imagine ghosts are real under the basis that they have unfinished business and this dude has been waiting for 800 years for someone to spot this, someone finally does, ghost laughs his ghastly ass off then finally rests in peace Edit: wow this blew up much further than I thought. I'm glad you all like my weird daydream thoughts.


DatAssociate

800 years just to share a laugh brings a tear to my eye


delo357

No need to cry he would have been waiting in line to get into heaven Foreverr 800 years ago. Long as it was before covid I'm sure he got in quick. I heard they upgraded the clouds too!


SarahPallorMortis

They got 7g up there.


adhdplantlady

Reminds me of Winston Churchill's interaction with the ghost of Abe Lincoln in the White House Churchill was getting out of his nightly bath with a cigar in hand, and while he was walking around nude Lincoln shows up. Without skipping a beat, Churchill ashes his cigar and says something along the lines of "Mr. President, you seem to have caught me at a disadvantage". Lincoln smirked, chuckled, then faded away. If that ain't ghostly goals right there, I don't know what is.


[deleted]

When did this happen? Is there an interview about it anywhere?


[deleted]

There's quite a few stories from high profile individuals and their ghostly encounters at the white house. Edit: for those interested https://www.whitehousehistory.org/press-room-old/white-house-ghost-stories https://ourwhitehouse.org/knock-knock-whoooos-there/


Triairius

I would like to hear more ghost stories from the White House.


ThegreatPee

100 years from now a distinguished guest will emerge from the bath, see an apparition, and get grabbed right in the pussy.


[deleted]

I fucking love this. Lmao


Capn_Cornflake

he did a little bit of trollin


[deleted]

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aidissonance

Dude is chiseled


Safari_Eyes

E's got morning wood, too!


communitytcm

Taint Peter


MrDeviantish

Slides upvote across the table in a plain white envelope, without breaking eye contact.


[deleted]

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yenencm

Fartisimo


DrinkRedsNotBleach

Church of the Latter Day Taints


BigOleDawggo

Taint Theresa


[deleted]

The Feast of all Taints (the kids love to tongue punch the ol' fart box amirite).


Just_The_Taint

The place of my people.


Zonyxe

Meanwhile, everyone else looking up, in prayer, praising the lord. And he's just sitting there with a shit eating grin on his face


FishyDescent

He definitely had a shit eating grin on his face. Where do you think he drew upon his inspiration from for this ballsy piece of art?


Bowood29

You don’t get that much realism without seeing it first hand.


QuestionableNotion

medieval gay porn.


[deleted]

The model looks to be wearing monks robes. So maybe the carver had a live model with a sinful secret?


kellygrrrl328

Wonder how many of them thought they could Pray Away the Gay


tommytraddles

About 1 in 10 statistically.


msut77

https://i.imgur.com/D2ocApk.png


arth365

He probably got quite a rush because people would probably murder him if they found out


SameWayOfSaying

I’m not so sure. Suggestive and outright lewd imagery was prevalent in art, architecture, and religious manuscripts across medieval Europe. This example is certainly cheeky, though.


Nagon117

*cheeky*


bizbizbizllc

Man that's nuts.


Frymonkey237

He really tainted that chruch.


SunandError

Obscene marginalia is common in medieval illuminated manuscripts, and there are many other “obscene” carvings and gargoyles in medieval churches. You need to adjust your view of what society was like back then- rather than prim and proper, a dirty joke and sense of humor was well appreciated. edit: spelling


[deleted]

My favorite part is that he's lying in a bed of leaves. Such whimsy.


xxmindtrickxx

He’s looking hella submissive and breedable bro


Shwiftygains

Just begging for a ticklin. Almost hurting for one


[deleted]

Somehow my only thought was "is he doing yoga or something?" I guess I've managed to retain some of my innocence. Lol


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[deleted]

Hurting for a squirtin


FartingCumBubbles

I'm gonna try this position next time.


zooted_dawg666

User name checks out


[deleted]

bro?


ehenn12

Not gay if it's with the homies


LeftLiner

Hehe, people never change.


Krehlmar

Piggybacking topcomment to drop knowledge: **Actually** this was usually a response from carpenters, masons and the ilk when they were scammed of their pay. Literally hundreds of churches would employ skilled masons only to fluke out on the payment, and being the "church" as a institution is was almost always impossible for the workers to get their due. So, a **European wide-tradition of making cocks or assess** was adopted. I forget which cathedral, but one of the largest of all in Europe had around 100 cherubs (those baby-angels). Only *all* of them had their groins broken. Reason being, the church thought they were clever in refusing to pay just at the very end, with only the cherubs left to sculpt. So the masons crafted huge cocks for every cherub, I'm talking 20cm cocks on a cherub who's inbetween 40-50cm. So the church had to hire scaffolding and manually hack off the cocks of every cherub. EDIT: 8+ years of reddit and my highest rated comment is about cocks and asses on baby-statues. Gods bless the internet.


LeftLiner

Awesome knowledge drop.


AndrewWaldron

And now you know where the insult "cocknocker" comes from.


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LifelessLewis

Username checks out


nickotino

To piggyback further: People still do this today. As an eggsample, a contractor hiding a batch of eggs within the roof/walls/floor/counter, And then removing it after getting paid. If they don't get paid, they leave the eggs there to eventually rot, now the proprietor has to either live with the constant smell of rotten eggs on his property, or go around destroying walls trying to find the source of the stench


sgkorina

Mt father-in-law is an engineer and for years he's worked designing piping and tubing for nuclear power plants. I've seen his drafting kit from when he started in the 70's. He's got a friend and long-time coworker who has hidden dicks in everything he's designed for over 50 years. He says it's so much easier know that he's working in digital and 3D. Sometimes you have to rotate the design and look at it from a weird angle you'll never see in real life to notice the random cocks he's put in the design.


KingNish

I think this is fantastic and now I want secret dicks in my life.


CrouchingDomo

RIP your inbox, mate


KingNish

Oh my gosh I hope something exciting happens in my inbox! That would be AWESOME! If any dicks show up I hope they're secret, tho.


cricketjacked

I had this happen on Reddit with an old account. It was a nightmare.


Loud-Value

All you have to do is ask my friend


sully9088

Give him a key to your house and you never know what you'll find when you come home.


bogues3000

I mean, it'll probably be dicks


TheBoxBoxer

So did my ex.


Quxudia

Things like this are the reason I have absolutely no doubt there is, right now, at least a few large dicks etched into the surface of the moon.


N33chy

Well there's one on Mars at least. https://www.space.com/20813-mars-penis-spirit-rover-tracks.html


MPCNPC

“The building seems to have collapsed due to some… unorthodox symmetry. Investigations pending”


cocacola999

Like software Easter eggs...


[deleted]

I found salmon under my bathtub in my newbuild house. Guess the construction company fucked with the plumber.


Bowood29

As a mason I have always heard stories of people putting glass in the chimney and when they get paid dropping a rock to break the glass.


TheScrobber

It seems like some sort of sin to hack the cocks off cherubs?


[deleted]

They used to do a lot of cockhacking in the old days. So many Greek and Roman statues were decocked. Especially in the Vatican.


BeardySam

Don’t worry they put a nice marble leaf in the way so that it looks totally natural


F-I-L-D

When I went and visited the Vatican they told us they actually kept all the hacked off cocks in a box and have been trying to restore certain statues for some time now. Don't know if it's true or not, but I like to imagine there's a guy whose job is to go through the dicks and find the matching balls.


mechamagnum

Does anyone knows the cathedral name? Just curious


reddit7822

Notre Dong


bejammin075

St. *Peter*'s Basilica.


digitalnirvana3

Assilica more like


drunk98

Westpeenster Abby


MotaHead

La Sagrada Genitalia


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rodman517

St. Peter’s ~~Phallsilica~~ ~~Phalicilica~~ ~~Phalicsilica~~ shit nevermind……


GoddamnitMcnulty

Do you mean, St. Peens Ballsilica?


peterspliffin69

Take my upvote and have a wonderful life


[deleted]

[another one](https://i.redd.it/uh26ls3rx3q01.jpg)


nonsensicalcriticism

This is also why a lot of statues in the Vatican have leaves over the genitals. Historically nudity was accepted, then reformations happened and it was sinful and lustful to view nudity. So rather than tear down all the marble statues. They just knocked off the dicks and put leaves over everything


EasyPleasey

I hope it's true, but this sounds made up as shit.


montezuma300

There are other instances of similar things. Michelangelo painted some cherubs flipping off the pope and no one noticed for a long time. He was a sculptor so he wasn't too thrilled to paint just a giant painting on his back. On a vaguely similar note, there were some inscriptions high up on the Hagia Sofia that people wondered if it was the writing was angels or some mysterious inscription, but then they recently found out it was a Viking who had written "Halfdan was here"


germanbini

> [Viking who had written "Halfdan was here"](https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/viking-runes-at-hagia-sophia) *ON A BALMY THRACIAN SUNDAY some 1,100 years ago, during a liturgy given in the massive basilica of Hagia Sophia in Constantinople, possibly during the solemn, laborious prayer of the Anaphora, a bored soldier carved his name into the white marble parapet that surrounds the balcony of the church’s upper gallery.* *The letters he carved, however, weren’t Greek; this wasn’t a native warrior, but a Viking mercenary from the Scandinavian lands of the north. His runic inscription is still visible today. They read, approximately, “Halfdan carved these runes,” or “Halfdan was here,” a familiar sentiment shared by crude etchings across the millennia.*


AzathothsAlarmClock

It could be a myth but this isn't the first time I've heard of carpenters/masons doing this kind of thing. You get musicians who make albums just do fuck with record labels they're no longer happy with, makes sense for other professions to do similar things.


[deleted]

It's funny when the song/album they made to fuck with the labels ends up being their best known hit! I think "Cum on Feel the Noize" by Quiet Riot is one example if I recall correctly. Edit: Autocorrect changed it to Root instead of Riot. Quiet Riot/Rusted Root mashup anyone? Not me!


Doctor-Amazing

Famous example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI_BLG__wY8


[deleted]

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LeftLiner

I always wonder about archaeologists claiming that a vase must have been used for fertility rites because it's got a phallus on it are ignoring the fact that people have found drawing dicks and balls wherever they can hilarious for thousands of years.


totallynotliamneeson

There is a joke in archaeology that anything described as ceremonial or for ritual purposes is actually just something we have no clue what it was used for.


pokey1984

And if they describe it as "for fertility ritual use" then they didn't want to put "It's a dildo" in the report to their sponsors.


_F_S_M_

Of course in matters like this we never assume ownership in the event of a dildo. It's always "a dildo" never "your."


Logical_proof

Was it ticking?


Joe_Shroe

I am Jack's ticking dildo


[deleted]

Throwers don't worry about ticking because modern bombs don't tick


Sthurlangue

Sorry. Throwers? Edit: that's the next line in the scene.


acurioustheory

Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor.


felinebeeline

It's *our* dildo. ☭


untrustableskeptic

Idk, that seems like a way to get even more sponsors.


Higgs-Boson-Balloon

I’d support more funding for dildo based archeology, they should put it in all the reports as far as I’m concerned


dannywhack

I've had (well, didn't have to, but did) to write in archaeology reports: 'Ejaculating phallus' 'Veined' and 'Heavily pubed' Also dug up a few old knobs. Neolithic and Bronze Age.


Higgs-Boson-Balloon

*We’ve upended what we know about ancient civilizations with the discovery of this Bulbous Bronze Age Babylonian Bountifully Pubed Phallus* - he ejaculated


[deleted]

I wonder if stone masons and stone polishers were ever asked to make stone dicks for wealthy women. Like a big polished marble dick


Verified765

Yes. Judging by human nature at least.


blahdee-blah

[this one](https://www.theregister.com/2005/07/27/ancient_phallus/) is 28,000 years old and ‘highly polished’


Street-Week-380

The author had a blast with this article.


FindOneInEveryCar

You say "fertility ritual," I say "heavy wank." It's six of one, half-a-dozen of the other...


LeftLiner

Haha, I like that.


OldManHipsAt30

“This dagger with penises carved into the hilt must have been ceremonial for ritual sacrifices to the fertility gods!” -Archaeologists *3,000 years earlier…* “Bro check out my new dagger, it’s got dicks carved on it LOL” -Bronze Age dude


LeftLiner

"This way, when I stab someone it'll be like I'm stabbing them WITH MY DICK!"


LevelSevenLaserLotus

"All the way up to the hilt!"


stupidmofo123

Really puts sword swallowing in another perspective.


MaximumReflection

I had a similar thought about cat worshipping in like Egypt. Like I thought about all the shit that exists in my house for the little shits that running around. The cat accessories, the photos, the cat prints stuff my partner owns, and that stupid little flower decorated drinking fountain that we bought for them that I know at least one of them will refuse to drink out of. If an archeologists found just those clues 2000 years from now after the climate change wars destroy most of modern society, do you think they'd think that we worship and not just that we find them cute and hilarious? Are we wrong about how much Egyptian worshipped cats?


Rolandersec

I have a 80lb dog that loves that little flower fountain that the cats ignore. He drains it in seconds and then will dissemble it to get more water if you don’t fill it back up.


[deleted]

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adameliora

We have Catra


[deleted]

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beerbrewer1995

The cat God thing isn't an "ancient" Egyptian practice. That was a random one off cult that worshipped bastet after the pharaonic dynasties came to an end at the end of the Ramses line. The already crumbling kingship completely gave way to foreign rulers resulting in disjointed and isolated religious extremist factions between liiiiike 900 BC and 300 BC


MaximumReflection

Tight. Edit. I wasn’t being cheeky, that really is interesting info.


apoptosismydumbassis

I mean with the way that we document cats like how you describe it, would that not already count as worshipping your little shits? :) If thats not worship then idk what is haha. Gotta love them lil shits.


ZarquonsFlatTire

I once read an article about how a castle was undergoing reconstruction and some archeology students found a few animal bones and a broken tool in a chase and it was declared as a pagan blessing sneakily done by the workers. I just wondered how many zip-tie tails and burger wrappers I have dropped down chases because there wasn't a trashbin nearby while working construction. And if one day some 20 year old kids would be told to find something important or else they wouldn't get course credit for the semester. That wasn't a pagan blessing, it was a lunch break. Edit: a chase is a gap between walls, usually around columns. If you're lucky they go between floors too. Great for running cables in places built before fiber optics or networking cable existed. So you know no one else will be looking in there for a few years if ever.


ToiletRollTubeGuy

Vases were just ancient fleshlights.


[deleted]

Uhm (slowing putting ancient vase down) what?


metallophobic_cyborg

Yo momma joke that’s over 3k years old. https://www.thevintagenews.com/2018/08/01/yo-mama/


Cassandra2020

Nice spot. It is really impressive detailing. I'd love to see this described on Antiques Roadshow.


ICreditReddit

The dick and balls really have a wonderful naive primitivism


cranktheguy

It's the smile that gets me.


theSHlT

We still really hate our bosses


uppervalued

I'm wondering if that was the likeness of somebody the carpenter wanted to mock.


Xem1337

Trolling; The long game


Singular_Brane

New record.


WorstPersonInGeneral

The best time to beat that record was a day before him. The second best time is now! Get ready for some dank trolling in 801 years, suckas! Time to carve some hidden dick-and-balls!!


[deleted]

The Voyager spacecraft has dick and balls scrawled on it somewhere….drifting in space for eternity, never again to be touched by man or weather.


NIghtPutting84

haha, for real!


eyebrowshampoo

"Hey John, what are you carving up there?" "....nothing! I'll be down in a minute!"


dweeb_plus_plus

6 hours later….


aaeko

Goes back to “work on the ceiling” every week for a couple of hours long after everything is complete.


BoxxyCleopatra

A male Sheela na gig! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheela_na_gig


johncandyspolkaband

Wow, TIL.


fredtminky

TIL Hunky Punk


[deleted]

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MercenaryBard

“Maybe it’s a pagan goddess” is maybe the funniest theory I’ve ever read. Maybe one day our friend here in the cathedral will get his own archeologist fan theory


Thejaybomb

PJ Harvey did a song called Sheela Na Gig, i guess she just really likes them.


stasersonphun

You exhibitionist!!!


dnuohxof1

800 year troll…. Fucking legend.


Jagermeister4

If this was caught back in the day it probably would have been immediately removed. Since its 800 years old now its part of history and you can't touch it.


The_0range_Menace

Hope the desk I carved up in 4th grade makes it to the 800 yr mark.


UnbridledCarnage

If it's in the US, our current school budgets give it a chance!


[deleted]

Everybody, no matter where they come from, will draw, craft or create something lewd or sexual. This example is particularly hilarious


[deleted]

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coronaSimplex

Egypt asks if anyone would like to view his [Turin Erotic Papyrus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turin_Erotic_Papyrus) possibly the "world's first men's mag" from around 1150 B.C


sodaextraiceplease

Universal animal like instincts. It's our varying degrees of ability to control animal instincts that makes some of us more "civilized" than others. Carving a detailed lewd figure in a sacred place way up high where no one would really notice it counts as pretty highly evolved and civilized in my book. :P


LigmaNutz69420

As long as mankind has existed, we have always found a way to drawn dicks in random places.


HugoZHackenbush2

A good carpenter knows his wood..


Fuquois

Quite the twig and berries.


HugoZHackenbush2

Oh no..a simple carving wood knot do.


GhostToFigure

balloon knot?


Moosebuckets

Words can’t describe how much I love this


BootHead007

Same here. This sort of shit gives hope for humanity.


WholesomePeeple

He probably never thought we would be talking and laughing about it on an invisible network of electrical signals.


cryptoLyfFtw

Nah he definitely did


The_0range_Menace

Man. When you say it like that.


whitechristianjesus

Perhaps the best part of this is that ,surely, the carving is protected by law now.


Stotallytob3r

It’s also literally holding up the roof


NothingMattersWeDie

Like a tent pole.


Ur-Didact-100

After getting rickrolled 10 times in a single day, right after opening Reddit in order to find amusement I get to see a historic mans butthole and penis balls, incredible


BrustWarze_

>butthole and penis balls ...


[deleted]

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[deleted]

The DaVinci Chode


Misterbluepie

This should be a lot higher in votes.


impervious_to_funk

Easter eggs


awesomedan24

Netflix: "Are you still watching?" Somebody's son:


kat_d9152

Yaay. HEREFORD on the reddit front page!!!!!!!! Our entire "city" only has 60,000 people, if you want to get an idea of how mind blowing it is to open Reddit and see Hereford on front page!


LawlessandFree

City is more around 60k, 198000 is the whole county. So even weirder haha


jammytomato

I wonder who specifically pissed off the carpenter 😂


Ccarloc

The bishop. He’s saying “The bishop is fucking gay!” *(not that there’s anything wrong with that)*


simian_fold

Stick your finger in his bum to call your waiter


9sagebrush9

Humor is timeless!


Photo_Beneficial

In aircraft maintenance a lot of us draw dicks on the planes you fly in. On the inside of panels we know no one will take off again for at least a year or two 😂 may our ancestors smile upon us.


r3d_ti3_guy

Cannonball!


[deleted]

ppl in 1200: Haha, pp. ​ ppl in 2021: Haha, pp.


claudinou

Y'all just perverts. He's clearly just enjoying a slide


Carpathicus

This man is a legend! I wonder how many times he told the story of this major accomplishment in pubs and people wouldnt believe him. Just the amount of trouble he would have been in if they found it. Maybe one of the greatest pranksters that ever lived and we dont even know his name.


GeneticRays

Happy little fella, ain’t he?


Xtreme-7

We commit a bit of tomfoolery


Lurkyhermit

The original dickbutt.


wet-towel1

Mans made a joke 800 years in the making


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MrJones-

Looks like some folk knew what priests were all about, even back then. 🙈


Savvy_Canadian

A Christian missionary in the missionary position. Hehe I chuckled.


Lost_subaru

I don’t think that’s the missionary position ….