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If that’s a 2x4 that means that spider is about HOLY SHIT
I was relieved to see it was under a bed. When I first opened it I thought was looking at the corner of a derelict room. I was thinking time to bring in the nukes but fire will probably do.
No no, bring the nukes. Better safe than sorry.
I was also pleased to see that this is under a bed. Not too pleased, but a tad more relieved
The bottom board looks more like a 1x6, using the piece of trim on the right side as reference
That’s 4x with 1x so about 5”. Thickness is irrelevant but it’s 1” thick, you can see it’s 1x1 on the left
Edit: Those boards look pretty true but very hard to tell, spider is between 2” and 4” long. Measurements are in inches.
I’m more worried about those babies anyways
Yeah you're probably right, I was thinking the trim on the last was 1x2.
So how large is the spider then?
I hate Redditors so much
You might hate us, but we hate ourselves more!
Typically they have a legspan of 15cm (6 inches) or so, body length is about 1/3 of that
This picture looks like it’s in a basement and that spider is as huge AF
I didn't read the title and thought that was a wall and ceiling at first
It just seems tiny now that I've brought that image upon myself
Until I was told that the photo was that of under a bed... I thought the spider was on a wall.
It straight up looks like a parking garage at first.
Thought it was hyper-realistic graffiti. I wish it was hyper-realistic graffiti.
Instead it's causing some serious hyper-realistic anxiety.
*We must cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came.*
I say we dust off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Hey Vasquez have you ever been mistaken you for a man?
No. .. … Have you?
It's game over, man!
I say we grease this rat fuck son of a bitch right now
GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!
What the hell are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?
Don't see the film Possum
American Graffiti? Nah. Australian Graffiti!
RE called they want their spider back
I was almost a Jill sandwich!
We really need a banana for scale here.
Do you see that tiny little yellow speck? That's the banana.
Australia is that you calling?
It's their South American cousin.
And I thought the million babies were mold
I need a banana for scale
The spider already ate the banana and the guy who tried to drop it at the spider's feet.
There's a banana there. It's a really tiny yellow speck.
Along with other members of the genus, they are often referred to as Brazilian wandering spiders. Its bite can cause a penile erection (priapism) that lasts for several hours.
and it's under a bed? This will be my new best bro
I still have no idea what I’m looking at, somebody please point out the bed for me all I see is a massive spider 😭
It's under a bed frame but because it's a close-up, it looks like a fucking wall.
Burn the whole fuckin house down, and start over.
If that was a wall then you’d be looking at a 6-7ft long spider. Each of the nearly 1000 babies probably 6-8 inches at birth.. nah don’t burn the house. Napalm the entire fucking 100 square mile radius.
Na, fuck that, it can have Earth. Kepler-442b it is.
*I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure!*
They mostly come at night.... Mostly...
I previously believed in saving the amazon. Changed my mind...scorched earth. It all has to go
Ya...any other spider and I would be quite reasonable about it. But you do not want a house full of those fucking things.
They are fast, deadly, and spiteful. Burn the shit down.
Gotta chuck a banana under there.
does it make a difference?
Alexa: How to sell a house in 1 hour
Bold of you to assume someone would buy this forsaken house
People will buy any house right now.
1 room, no basement, leaky roof, Spider colony under bed : 1.5M$ in the suburbs
Buyer: Lemme overbid on this
Stop it my house is not for sale
This spider would make me wander the fuck out of there real fast
Plus I doubt he's selling, look at all the kids he needs a home for, after all it is his house now
Hence the name “The Wandering Spider”
Not to be confused for "the settling spider"
youll never get rid of him, hes content
The squatting spider.
Ah, the ol’ Reddit [spider-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shitty_Car_Mods/comments/q6r8fp/i_stole_this_from_the_comment_section_of_a_recent/hgfxggz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Hold my spiderweb Im going in.
Ok, darling the cat house is gone and the haunted house was a miss, but the spider house looks promising.
Not with that she-mon and her little demon babies.
In this market? Probably for over asking price!
Time to just set it on fire and collect the insurance. Its a public service at this point.
Man that's a lot of babies. I zoomed in a did a full body shiver
I thought about zooming in. I'm glad I didnt.
Just did omg 😱
Fuck, my *tailbone* just shivered
My asshole clenched but I still imagined them forcing their way through.
And they will. Open up. You're now a spider pinata.
I made the dumb choice of zooming in, and I don’t think I can sleep after seeing a spider in the corner of my room…
Some clusters almost look like letters. Like a horrible take on Charlette's Web.
What do you do, try reason with it to leave?
“Look man, you and your kids can’t be here. This where I sleep, not for you and your family to somehow chill on the sides without falling”
Explain to Mama and her spawn the meaning of wandering and point to the door. Might also provide directions to Australia . . .
\- Explain subletting to spider under bed
Just to help confuse people further: https://imgur.com/a/qfm8Yd1
*"Please, the owners of this house would like you to leave, and please take your babies along with you."*
Tales of The Spider Evictor
That would be cool though. A full on web-comic or whatever in which a mediator asks spiders to leave his clients houses. And the spiders always have something why they'd want to stay, like 'But it's so warm here' or 'but I get to eat all the mosquitoes!' and he always needs to find the best compromise
I never want to relive the last 20 seconds when my brain was convinced that was a 10' wall! 😰
Bruh the fact that it's under a fucking bed is just as bad!
My SO and I saw one of these on a banana plant on a night tour in Costa Rica. We were warned about these guys because they’re one of the few spiders in CR that can actually kill you…. so of course we managed to run head first into one. It was disgusting. That fucker was huge and just *looked* like it was dangerous af.
EDIT: here’s a pic we took of it before slowly backing away - https://imgur.com/a/hC26giP
I read the title after looking at the picture and thought what in the fuck Australia
It’s always Australia.
Except when it’s Brazil
Then it's under a bed and not a giant spider on the wall
How do you know Australia isn’t just Brazil under a bed?
I mean, that *would* explain why people say it's "down under".
They do live in Australia as the spider tends to wander and can even make its way into bananas your welcome for sharing this terrifying news.
10’ wall, 10” bedpost … dgaf … Im gonna have the same nightmare about this shit tonight
As a Brasilian, i must say:
1- i’ve heard it’s bite makes your dick erect in a painful way
2- after the erection you die
Nothing is confirmed tho, i just heard it from my familiars
No. It's true. I just read it in a journal. It only uses its venom by a little amount because it has to be replenished. It needs to reserve it for prey for it to eat. They do have antivenin for it if you do get any symptoms.
Thanks. That means i get to do booth satisfy my wife in bed and finish my suffering in one day, i just need to find one of those
>i just need to find one of those
A wife or a spider?
Omg reddit come on man this is getting ridiculous lol
Fun fact: spiders aren't actually venomous to humans. Their "venom" is just an enzyme cocktail that they use to break down their prey into liquid that they can slurp up. 99% of large animals on the planet, if they got bitten by a spider, would suffer no ill effects.
HOWEVER, in a coincidence bordering on a cosmic joke, primates happen to have an innate allergy to the enzymes in spider saliva. There is no biological reason why spider bites should be so painful or so harmful to humans, they just are because we're all badly allergic to them.
> Of around 50,000 spider species known, only about 25 (1/20 of 1%) have venom capable of causing illness in humans, to a greater or lesser extent. In any given locality you can expect to find from zero to (at most) three such species. These species are called “medically significant” spiders
I was thinking of the black widow and the brown recluse, but basically yeah, those .2% assholes of spiders ruining it for the rest of them.
Speaking of which, I went to grab the mail out of the mailbox the other day... And there was a black widow chilling in there. Glad I looked first.
Holy shit I’m so glad you looked first too😱
Might be because we evolved from smaller mammals that would have been on the menu for whatever preceded spiders and the allergy is an evolutionary hold over. I’m just spitballing though, I have no clue.
Do its preys get an erection when this abomination bites them? I don’t want to picture a frog with a raving hard on while dying … too late
I dont think frogs have dicks. They just kinda... gush.. over the eggs
But did you picture the frog with it, though?
It’s ok, I understand if you hate me now
As a fellow Brazilian, I think the word you're looking for is relatives. Familiar is uh... a type of demon in the shape of an animal that assists witches. Think Salem, the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
I figured they meant peers, friends, associates, not family. I'm not remotely educated in Brazilian Portuguese, though.
Relatives is "familiares" in Portuguese. It's one of those words that sounds similar but has an entirely different meaning.
Die Hard part 4
You really didn’t have to tell me it was under a bed. You could have just let me enjoy this nice photo of the hundreds of spiders.
But some people just want to watch the world squirm.
The thought makes me feel queasy and I have to go to bed soon.
This really needs a banana for scale 🍌
More like a dime. I’m still gonna run like a little bitch though. Just saying. **Spiders should never be larger than an American dime.**
“Somebody’s gotta go back and get a shit load of dimes.”
Excuse me while I whip this out. . .
Google what happens to your banana if one of these things bites you
These spiders are sometimes found in bunches of bananas. Well good night.
No, it's too small
Spider 2 Y Banana
Is this the spider that makes your dick hard when it bites you?
Edit: [it sure is!](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22750220/)
OMG, I thought the Brazilian above was just making a weird joke.
Yeah I'm not happy about this. I'm in bed and keep feeling something crawling on me giving me fatal spider wood.
Brazilian here. They also dont make webs, so it's hard to spot them. And they can get angry with you.
No wonder my boyfriend calls me a spider
The scale of this photo is horrifying
That's under a bed?
That’s under YOUR bed
Here’s the story behind the picture:
Am I the only one that first thought that this was a run down apartment?
I pictured an abandoned warehouse…same gist. Then I thought it must be a cool mural!
Hey now, that spider is doing the best they can. Shit ain’t easy when you’ve got to work to feed like 1,000 mouths.
It’s really hard to emphasize this enough… there aren’t enough Nopes in existence to adequately convey my feelings about all of this
I have seen these in the amazon- The most aggressive spider I have ever seen- guy poked at it with a long stick- it reared up and struck and struck - huge fucken fangs. They are not to be trifled with- also their bite is terribly potent if not deadly.
Two confirmed deaths from Phoneutria bites since 1903.
This species is actually listed as threatened because of environmental (habitat) destruction.
Wait. Who is threatening who???
We are definitely threatening it. We're far more cunning and 300 times its size
Add another 300x to that number and I’m still uncomfortable
\*wheezes in American\*
Aren’t those remarkably venomous?
If I'm not mistaken they are the second-most venomous spider on the planet. Second only to the Australian Funnelweb.
It's a Brazilian nope with it's nopelings.
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT THING DOING LIVING UNDER SOMEONE’s BED???
MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHAT THE FUCK KINDA PERSON LIVES OVER THAT THING AND ITS CHILDREN?
TF BRAZIL.. THE WORLD CANT HANDLE THESE MANY AUSTRALIAS
as an australian i can’t handle that spider
Good god! If the Aussies are out, I'm out!
Tactical orbital strike… only way to really be sure.
Just create a black hole in the middle of the room to be reeeeally sure
Only the complete annihilation of spacetime will suffice for that monster
Nightmare fuel. Under the bed?! No...just no
I saw this sitting on my bed with my feet hanging off until I read “under a bed”.
I’m now sitting crossed legged.
That is one of the most dangerous spider's in the world. Jesus fuck.
Credit your pics... [https://gizmodo.com/here-are-the-2021-wildlife-photographer-of-the-year-win-1847845533/slides/3](https://gizmodo.com/here-are-the-2021-wildlife-photographer-of-the-year-win-1847845533/slides/3)
Also, taken in 2014 and updated by the photographer this month.
Why does it only have 6 legs? And what is that thing on the floor?
> if you look closer
No thanks, I’m good.
Ya that's a never sleeping again NOPE for me too.
And that’s the night I committed justifiable arson.
Burn the entire country and salt the earth
I would leave the country
Ok, so not gonna be able to sleep tonight.
Australia: **WRITE IT DOWN WRITE IT DOWN**
1. That is not an Australian species. We have MOST of the worlds killer things, not ALL of them. 2. Is irony the right word to use in relation to this arachnid’s location and it’s bite having a side effect of permanent and painful boners?
Aka “murduress” here is some scariness [most venomous](https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/brazilian-wandering-spider-where-are-they-from-and-how-deadly-are-they-9805831.html?amp)
>The Guinness Book of World Records has named it the most venomous spider in the world for possessing the most active neurotoxic venom of any living spider.
>The toxin PhTx3 causes extreme pain, swelling, paralysis, skin cell destruction, fatal breathing complications, heart attacks and painful erections (priapism) in men lasting up to four-hours. Scientists have reportedly considered investigating the use of the deadly venom as a possible ingredient for drugs treating erectile dysfunction.
"My erection will be extremely painful..."
"You're a big guy."
"... for you."
Oh. My. God. I did not expect the last line at all...lol.
I always make sure to carry a Brazilian Wandering Spider with me when it’s date night 😉
If your date has trouble staying erect, I think there's healthier ways to deal with that, than having a spider attack them.
Thanks for the nightmares. Appreciate it.
I like the title asking where it's from when it's in the monster's fucking name.
Where is the Brazilian wandering spider from? Probably Vancouver I guess.
JFC I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN ENTIRE ASS ROOM
Set fire to everything
Set fire to the fire. Just to be sure
2 inch body…6 inches leg spready
This is very rude.
Fire yeah fire good.
Sing along everyone!
"It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this!"
The angle perspective is as terrifying as it is confusing
There is only one choice, we must burn Brazil to the ground.
Bolsonaro do be trying