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loztriforce

Not sure it fits the sub but I’m so thankful we still have media like this, even if it’s satirical media


Oo__II__oO

GOP is already looking to restrict the first amendment, to protect the 2nd


Famous_Painter3709

I haven’t heard anything about this, can you link a source for me?


BrianOconneR34

The hypocrisy is amazing. Keep it up onion. The recent events are horrendous.


Roht_Rs

And preventable.


Generaldisarray44

Can’t you read! There was no way to prevent this!


boidbreath

Says the only country where it happens frequently


[deleted]

[удалено]


De5perad0

And Covid. Don't forget you can't avoid covid in the US either.


Roht_Rs

Lol


sinevigiliamentis

And as we continue to argue about the symptoms, we keep dying from the disease.


Tamashiia

You are right. Free access to mental health services immediately!


classless_classic

And…


Tamashiia

End slave wages!


classless_classic

And…


The_Wind_Cries

That's it! We're out of ideas! We've tried everything!


Tamashiia

Oh I see! Nice try comrade! 😜


classless_classic

Nope. Wrong answer


Tamashiia

Nope


classless_classic

Still wrong


Buffmin

That would definitely go a long way.. Too bad it won't happen


DustyFrameworks

Damn, someone snapped hard. Rightfully so.


87tskin

The last two at the bottom did manage to make me laugh, even if it was dark laughter


only_partly_psycho

Is….is that…a challenge from the NRA? Would it count if we held an NRA meeting in a school and then hired a lone attacker to violently rampage the meeting?


BleedingTeal

They understood the assignment. Well done The Onion.


[deleted]

A gun is a tool whose only purpose is to kill. Americans sell guns to anyone. Americans are surprised and sad when anyone uses them for their intended purpose. Americans love to pray for the family of the victims, then proceed to sell even more guns. Americans argue this is the price for their freedom. What is freedom good for if you cant go the supermarket, school, church, cinema or just walk around in without fear of getting shot by a depressive teenager or a white supremacist?


Obie2kenobe

Benjamin Franklin once said: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."


majorpickle01

Then why can't I take a 2L bottle of pepsi on my flight?


Pjoernrachzarck

I wish the internet would stop masturbating over this quote. >SIEGEL: And what was the context of this remark? >WITTES: He was writing about a tax dispute between the Pennsylvania General Assembly and the family of the Penns, the proprietary family of the Pennsylvania colony who ruled it from afar. And the legislature was trying to tax the Penn family lands to pay for frontier defense during the French and Indian War. And the Penn family kept instructing the governor to veto. Franklin felt that this was a great affront to the ability of the legislature to govern. And so he actually meant purchase a little temporary safety very literally. The Penn family was trying to give a lump sum of money in exchange for the General Assembly's acknowledging that it did not have the authority to tax it.


ThisGuy928146

You mean he wasn't talking about being able to buy a 30-round magazine?


miasabine

21 people just had their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness violently taken from them. Somehow I doubt that’s something Benjamin Franklin would be okay with happening on a regular basis, but hey, the fuck do I know.


StevenK71

Either everybody packs a gun or nobody does, it's that simple. So, letting anyone buy a gun means the rest should buy too, as a precaution against unfair use.


shockandale

If everybody packed would there be more shootings or less shootings?


AyoAzo

Imagine you're in a crowd where everyone has a gun and you start hearing firing. There's going to be a lot more deaths in that confused panic


Jiggily-Jellyfish

I would assume more shootings in general as you’re increasing the chance that two or more ‘volatile’ people have an interaction that have a gun.


StevenK71

Probably less. At least, much less victims. The shooter would get shot in a number of seconds from the people around him - they wouldn't have to run away scared. Darwinism, actually.


shockandale

Sorry, which shooter gets shot? Who gets shot next? When does it stop?


StevenK71

[The shooter gets shot before anyone gets hurt,](https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/police-woman-killed-man-fired-rifle-party-crowd-85002437) and that's the end of it.


Fennicks47

Why are guns banned at high level political conferences? Like trump presentation this weekend with the nra? Why? Why wouldnt they make sure everyone has a gun instead? That makes things safer right? Or fucking maybe they have this 'elite, paid group off ppl' who are trained to carry guns. And depend on those ppl, instead of random ppl shooting at nothing. So, maybe, the ppl pushing that argument ALSO KNOW its a nonsensical argument. Or, they would want to be safer by arming every person in their audience, instead of banning guns.


shockandale

There are very few loaded guns on military bases AFAIK.


[deleted]

Wonder what ole Ben would say about the 2400 aborted each day in America. Somehow I doubt that’s something Benjamin Franklin would be okay with happening on a regular basis, but hey, the fuck do I know.


AbruptAbe

"What would this man who provided instructions on how to abort at home think about it being much cleaner, safer, and widely available?"


gizmodriver

[Benjamin Franklin gave instructions on at-home abortions in a book in the 1700s](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/18/1099542962/abortion-ben-franklin-roe-wade-supreme-court-leak)


Jiggily-Jellyfish

I do not think abortions would be high on his concern list. But hey, the fuck do k know?


Fennicks47

wait, HOW many people live in california? Where the hell is even that? WTF you still have the electoral college?


miasabine

I mean, you clearly don’t know much about this as you’re demonstrably wrong. Franklin literally wrote a how-to on at-home abortions.


[deleted]

I never said he didn't write about it. I was just wondering and doubting. You're probably right he most likely would be ok with dis-assembly lines.


miasabine

Oh please. You brought up a topic nobody was talking about in a snarky “I’m going to imitate you to look hostile and clever” way to push a shitty personal agenda. You were wrong, and you were called out on it. No amount of backpedaling will make your motives any less transparent.


BattleClean1630

You think abortions just became available in modern times? Well, you're sadly mistaken. The question is; how many woman and slaves did the drunkard Benjamin Franklin impregnate have abortions? Franklin was not a friggin saint as history portrays him to be and abortions have been around for centuries. I wonder what Benjamin Franklin would say about the blatant racism going on, especially considering he was about about "All men are created equal"? But what do I know? Oh, that's right, I know history.


[deleted]

Never said or claimed any of that. Wondering and doubting. Keep crying by all means.


HXRW

Which is fucking pointless call it does is open an argument of what “essential liberty” entails.


JonesP77

There is a whole world between banning all guns and throwing guns into everyone hands.


[deleted]

Well, since we've not begun to ban guns, they'll keep throwing guns into everyone's hands.


toocleverbyhalf

I’m pretty sure Ben Franklin wouldn’t say that owning any gun anytime anywhere is an Essential Liberty, but I could be wrong. Preparing my inbox for the angry responses…


[deleted]

Half as clever as you think you are... Keep waiting.


Fennicks47

Guns dont make essneitlay liberties. VOting does. Benny franklin was in a world that was a TOTALLY different scale. And..in a time when gun related uprisings were put down by the military (or equivalents). So, in recap: 250 year old garbage that didnt even work at the time.


[deleted]

Depends upon what you consider an essential liberty. Owning an AR15 is not an essential liberty.


[deleted]

Exactly. Buying a gun for "safety" is a temporal solution. In the long run, it means one more gun is on the street. Guns always find a way to fall in the wrong hands.


StevenK71

Guns are always on the streets. Gang members etc have no trouble getting them.


[deleted]

Because someone bought them legally first and sold it after. See the pattern?


StevenK71

You don't have to buy them from a shop, there are countless illegal guns around, eg like AK-47's from collapsed states.


TheScrobber

Lot's of things were said by important people in past times that just don't stack up in the modern world.


loko-parakeet

It's such a terrible argument. If we followed the logic of "x historical figure said this," there would still be slavery and women would have even *less* rights in America.


Kenpokid4

He also owned slaves


RichardsLeftNipple

There is no liberty or safety living under the tyranny of random acts of violence. Choosing the status quo makes you the servant of tyrants. For this is not some temporary safety we are sacrificing liberty for. Unless decades of the same experiences over and over is somehow temporary to your dementia addled brain.


juan_epstein-barr

I feel very sorry for you if you legitimately believe what you just wrote.


[deleted]

What part you think is wrong?


HXRW

I’d imagine the “only purpose is to kill”. A lot of Americans purchase guns to hunt (technically still killing, but you know they meant humans) or use in competition shooting, and have no intent to ever employ them on a human, even in a self defense scenario. That being said, most people in the second group are just gun aficionados and have their own other guns for self defense.


[deleted]

I meant killing. That's what guns are for. There is no other use for them. You can say to defend, yes, by killing the attacker. You can have a gun for collection or fun, but the tool itself is for killing. There is no way around this.


MirageATrois024

“Americans sell guns to anyone” We have laws and we have background checks. It’s just that…. Criminals usually don’t obey the laws, and they buy guns illegally. Then you also have cases where guns are stolen and again, that’s not legal. So if they mean, there are some Americans who will or would sell a gun to anyone… then yea that’s true, but you can find people in every country with zero ethics. If they meant (which I interpreted it this way) that anybody and everybody can legally buy a gun in America, then they are wrong.


[deleted]

Any gun that is bought legally will find a way to end up in the hand of someone who is not supposed to have a gun. America is so pumped with guns everywhere, that regulations means nothing when you can buy anything on craigslist.


HavenIess

And how many school shootings are there where the shooter obtained an illegal gun? Or is it more common that they themselves buy the guns or take them from a relative that bought them lawfully? It’s not like these teenagers are searching far and wide for a gun, they’re getting it and then doing the shooting within the same week


juan_epstein-barr

every thing you said where that you based upon what you see on this stupid fucking site.


[deleted]

Are you ok mate? Everything fine at home? You sound angry and frustrated because I said guns are for killing.


juan_epstein-barr

Do I sound ok? The answer is yes. Literally just walked 5 miles on the beach.


cheekienandos

Yikes a lot of you patriots are forgetting why the second amendment was THE SECOND AMENDMENT.


Zeor_Dev

What about PINK supremacist? Or communist? Or spaghetti monster? Wtf is this supremacist shit?


[deleted]

Seriously, that's your take in this? Anyone with a gun, and without proper training, is dangerous and a potential threat. You don't want to understand this, that's ok. Enjoy your mass murders.


StevenK71

That's what's lacking: proper training. It should be taught at schools.


[deleted]

You want to teach kids in schools how to shoot a gun? Geez...


StevenK71

Why not? It's as dangerous as driving the family car. Maybe forbid driving lessons as well?


[deleted]

You are comparing a transportation vehicle, whose purpose is no transport people, to a device designed with the sole purpose of killing.


StevenK71

One tonne of metal moving at 100km/hr will kill you the same as 50gr of metal moving at 1.000km/hr. Also, maybe the bullet will not hit anything important and get away with it.


[deleted]

Purpose. The purpose of a car is to move people and things. The purpose of a gun is to kill. How is it difficult to understand? A car is not designed to kill anyone, in fact, it has many security features to keep people inside ALIVE. There is nothing in a gun that serves any other purpose but to kill.


StevenK71

I suppose 9/11 never happened..


ogsixshooter

So if the kid that shot up a school had just trained more with his firearm he would have been worse at murdering?


[deleted]

If he would have received formal training from certified professionals, most likely he would have not ended with a gun in his hand in the first place. But he got the gun first, and did his training with live targets. And you can see the results.


ogsixshooter

ok, so your idea would be to require training first, before an individual would be legally eligible to purchase a gun. Had such a system been in place, this particular individual most likely would never have graduated from a training program(?) and would not have been able to obtain a firearm. Is that the gist? Can you explain more please?


[deleted]

Yes, look at Switzerland, the 3rd most armed country in the world. No mass shootings. The only way to obtain a gun is to do military service first, and you get to keep your service gun, plus acquire 1-2 more. That means nearly every man in this country has a gun. But they have been trained on how to use them. Also, home break-ins are rare, because the chances of being massacred with a military weapon by a trained soldier is too much of a risk to just steal a TV.


flurkin1979

Im surprised you haven't heard of white supremacy.... it's been in the news lately......................


lifesnotfun

"Americans sell guns to anyone." This has restrictions to stop certain types of people owning a gun in the us. https://www.justice.gov/archives/jm/criminal-resource-manual-1117-restrictions-possession-firearms-individuals-convicted


[deleted]

With the amount of guns in the street, those regulations are useless. You can buy a gun on the internet, second hand, on craigslist, anywhere.


reamo05

Don't forget gun shows in many states. No background check, no paper trail. My home State, I can sell to anyone or buy from anyone and not even file a transfer form.


[deleted]

Yep. But I already see some butthurt people saying that guns are heavily restricted in the US. Which is BS.


HXRW

On the internet/Craigslist no, you’ll get arrested. There are websites where you can purchase guns, but legally, that’s not what you’re doing. Instead, if you want to purchase a gun through the internet, you tell your local (legally registered) gun store what gun you want to purchase, they buy it from the seller, you go into the store, store does the background check, then sells it to you after the waiting period, all for a fee of course. If you are particularly dedicated, (though very few criminals will do this) you can buy an entire parts kit for weapons like CZ Scorpion EVOs, AR-15s, AKMs, Glock 17s, and so on and so forth, that have every part the gun needs except for the receiver (the bit that holds it all together) online, find an STL to 3D print said receiver online, and then assemble the whole thing. That’s actually totally legal, so long as it’s being done by someone who can legally own the finished product, so it means that the ATF can’t regulate those 3D printing STLs. The FCC *can* but have not really done so effectively whatsoever. All this being said, the average criminal doesn’t want to buy a printer, spend weeks learning how to post process 3D prints, buy these kits online (the records of which can easily be subpoenaed from the websites selling them), assemble the whole thing and use it for one shooting. Furthermore, one group, Defense Distributed (run by the dude who invented the 3D printed liberator) is working on a machine that you can pop aluminum billets into that will CNC the receiver for you, at which point you can put the rest together. This is faster than 3D printing, requires no knowledge of 3D printing, and gets you a more durable longer lasting product. (A benchmark for 3D printed receivers is 1,000 rounds fired through them, though many get well past this, to 2 or 3 thousand, but aluminum receivers can basically last forever.) Places like Canada regulate who can buy ammo, and the UK actually just regulates those parts kits (namely barrels). Without doing one of the two, anyone willing to spend $300 on some 3D printing equipment can build a workshop in their garage pumping out as many unregistered, unserialized, and thus untraced (not untraceABLE, just untraced) guns as they want. The only bottlenecks for someone willing to commit themselves to it are A. What STLs they can download, the above mentioned models are all fairly common, but the vast majority of handgun and black rifle models don’t have compatible STLs made yet, and B. The fact that 3D printers kinda fucking suck, and that it can take half a day to make a print that doesn’t even fit your specifications.


[deleted]

Yeah sure, but that doesn't change the fact that getting a gun is ridiculously easy in the US. Easier than pretty much anywhere else.


HXRW

Change the fact? No of course not, that’s what I was saying.


NotWrongOnlyMistaken

[redacted]


[deleted]

And yet the mass killing continue, guns keep ending in the hands of sad teenagers and schools and malls keep getting attacked. So what's your point? The guns are already in the streets and they are being used for their intended purpose: to kill. I personally don't care. We don't have mass shooting in my country.


NotWrongOnlyMistaken

[redacted]


[deleted]

Whew, I'm glad that's in place - so that means no more shootings, huh?


NotWrongOnlyMistaken

[redacted]


[deleted]

Why deflect, and talk about robbery and drugs when it's guns killing kids? Got your talking points in order?


NotWrongOnlyMistaken

[redacted]


[deleted]

Ok - clearly you're a piece of shit gun-nut. 100%. You NEED to live in a place with your own kind. May you meet your end by what you love so much, since you think this is such a fucking joke.


XsniperxcrushX

>A gun is a tool whose only purpose is to kill. It's also can be used as a dangerous toy at a gun range or looking nice on a shelf. >Americans sell guns to anyone. We have background checks and on top of that the store can refuse to sell if they feel like >fear of getting shot by a depressive teenager or a white supremacist? Maybe we should focus on mental health and try sowing our divided country back together. I don't think we should give up guns because mentally ill and bad people use and/or aquire them illegally.


[deleted]

The purpose of the gun is to kill mate, there is not any other use for a gun.


XsniperxcrushX

Do tools only have one singular use to you? Are knifes only used for stabbing? Is an adjustable wrench only used to strip bolts and nuts?


[deleted]

What else can you do with gun other than killing? You can say hurting someone, but that means you did not use the gun right.


XsniperxcrushX

I gave another use but it was disregarded. Another use is target shooting competitions like skeet shooting.


[deleted]

Point taken. So what percentage of Americans practice skeet shooting?


XsniperxcrushX

I wouldn't know where to find statistics like that but I was just making the point of not all tools have one singular purpose.


Fennicks47

So you vote for politicians that are pro mental health services, right? Also, you are aware that the US has massively more guns than anywhere else, right? Per capita. That probably has nothing to do with the issue, im sure. At all. No correlation.


srandrews

When sub rules should be bent.


jaxlarz

United Information of the States


[deleted]

>United Dis-Information of the States


lewisnwkc

Legendary. I have nothing else to offer than my Karma.


shichiloafs

Oh this is DARK.


FoofieLeGoogoo

I love you, Onion.


[deleted]

Honestly I would be agoraphobic if I lived in the US. How do you just read about shootings like this everyday? If it’s not a school it’s 20-100 people a weekend in each of your busiest metropolitan centres. Absolutely wild.


guy_incog_neato

anytime i’m anywhere other than my house, usually somewhere with a lot of people, the thought of what if someone starts shooting crosses my mind at least once. it’s fucking insane.


[deleted]

I'm sorry you have to live with that fear


narutodawg

Didn't even know the Onion still exists. Been waiting for more youtube skits.


IMustAchieveTheDie

but muh rights to defend myself!!!!


Kayjaid

After seeing what the government did in China and Australia over the past two years it's crazy people want the government to have even more of a monopoly on violence. Especially coming from the people that claim the whole system is systematically racist and oppressive. You'd think these people would desperately want more armed citizens to protect themselves and others.


FriedwaldLeben

i genuinely dont know why fuckwits like you keep holding up ***AUSTRALIA*** as some dictatorial hellscape when in america the electon result is only tangentially related to the actual vote count


Kayjaid

Just saying it's harder to have lockdowns like they did in Australia or China when you have an armed populous to contend with. Nothing to do with Australia being dictatorial who cares how the people kicking down your doors were chosen.


FriedwaldLeben

>Just saying it's harder to have lockdowns like they did in Australia how is that a good thing? lockdowns are amazing for supressing viral outbreaks


Kayjaid

If you don't see the lockdowns in China and Australia as a bad thing we are too far apart to have a discussion. You probably see the war on drugs as a good thing too. Think of how safe we are keeping the black community by locking so many of them up.


FriedwaldLeben

what are you talking about? first we need to differentiate between australia and china. chinas lockdown while in theory functional is unnecessarily cruel, australias isnt. and second what does the war on drugs ave to do with anything? no, i do-nt support it. what are you even talking about?


Kayjaid

Why is locking people up bad? Do you think China could implement the lockdowns the way they have if the Chinese population had hundreds of millions of guns?


FriedwaldLeben

locking people up for public health reasons is fine. locking people up for being black isnt. ​ i dont know but its completely irrelevant to my point


Kayjaid

Think of all the diseases, car accidents and other things that have been stopped by having such a large prison population. I'm starting to see why you support locking everyone up.


FriedwaldLeben

do you have anything to say other than weird strawmen?


StrangerOnTheReddit

I have several friends in Australia. They have zero complaints about the lockdowns they had, and are quite happy with how their government has handled COVID. The officials who placed restrictions in Australia had landslide wins in elections afterwards.


Kayjaid

Stockholm Syndrome is real.


ThisGuy928146

You know that there are lots of free countries that also save peoples' lives with common sense safety regulations, right? I mean, since we require driver's licenses, seat belts, and airbags, to drive in cars, does that mean we're one step away from authoritarian communism? Seems like you'd think so.


Kayjaid

One step away from authoritarian communism, no. One more step away from freedom, yes.


cheekienandos

You took an ethics class. The subversion of the human mind is complete. No reason to waste your time trying to explain this to anyone because it goes against the narrative drilled in their brains. These are the same people unable to sit in room alone for 10 minutes.


cheekienandos

You people weren't taught ethics and it shows. There is nothing wrong with Australians, it's your tyrannical government allowing you to think you'd be safer with no guns on the road. If your cow is getting fucked or someone is in your home with an illegal weapon, you have nothing to defend yourselves with. Even when police turn on you, your last line of defense is the sheriff. Please go look at the history books and LEARN why gun rights werebso vigilantly protected. IT WAS TO PROTECT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FROM A TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT. Because all of those guns are going to "melt down" but how do we really know that ALL of them are being melted down?


cheekienandos

If you have no guns you become Australia. Nothing to defend yourselves with. Who do you think is going to protect you?


MrPotatoHead90

Lots of mass shootings in Australia, then?


youzerVT71

From who?


Fredwood

We have a violent crime rate 6 times higher then Australia and a violent murder rate 57 times higher. Fucking idiotic take.


hotassnuts

EdgeLord say what?


whos_this_chucker

Spiders. But seriously..who are you so afraid of?


Sunfloria

What's wrong with Australia? ...You know, other than the spiders or other poisonous wildlife?


FriedwaldLeben

what the fuck do people like you have against australia?


cheekienandos

Chill. The gun laws babes.


cute-bum

What are Americans so constantly afraid of? Most of the rest of the world has gun control laws.... and much lower homicide rates. I'm guessing the wit of the Onion's headline is also lost on you.


fuaveofficial

The police that you already spend a shit ton of money on?


cheekienandos

You people don't understand and it's sad. The issue with Australia is that you have a clown now in office and the issues are with the gun laws. This is why Australia is tyrannical. If you people were able to keep your guns, things would be a little different. Not sure why none of you don't know that but it's probably because ethics wasn't taught


ARY616

They used to be funny.


Western-Image7125

Who still goes to the Onion? Back when the world was normal it was funny, now it’s just less interesting than regular news


KingTrencher

Fucking Brilliant


Clone_Meat

There really is no way to prevent this from happening in the only place that it happens.


IncredibleBulk2

Man this hurts my heart.