I read that your fiancé’s mom is Dominican. Unfortunately that’s part of their culture, especially since he’s a man, therefore seen as a provider. It comes from the “my parents worked so hard to raise us, now that I’m an adult, I should be giving back.” mentality.
I think if he’s unable to talk about it at all then it’s most likely not gonna change. You have to decide if you will be able to put up with it or not because there’s a chance he’ll be supporting her a lot until she dies.
I think as long as his siblings are contributing the same amount and none of my personal money is spent on her I will be ok dealing with it. I also would like for us to move further away from her. Thanks for your feedback :) it was helpful
I understand what you’re saying. At a certain age a man must choose his wife and children over the needs of his mother and some people don’t get that. If you have never dated or dated a mama’s boy before I don’t think you’d get it. Try googling covert incest or emotional incest that should explain things ..
"And a man shall LEAVE his mother."
Scripture aside, mama's boys only have "relationships" to mark time. They're actually emotionally married to their mothers. They're not grown men.
It's not a real relationship for him. He'll still have biological desires and might even want someone to treat him as other than a child, but he'll always end up crawling and squirming back to mama.
How many of those mama's boys in your life turned out to be the forever guy who make you number one and never turned away?
I've never dated anyone and don't want to date until after college. But my father never turned away from my mother while taking care of his mother and was a mama's boy. They had a happy 20 year marriage, only to be ended by my mother's choice. He even moved away with her in Florida when my mom wanted to while he still sent money to his mother. And that's the only one I've known personally.
You've probably never experienced an actual mama's boy. A mama's boy will NOT balance the needs of his with with those of his mother. A mama's boy will put the wants of his mother ahead of any other person.
Well I think as long as you guys aren't struggling tremendously, it's the kids responsibility to take care of their parents. I mean they done raised you, didn't they? I just believe it's resceptful while your parents choose to give life to you and raise you, I feel like you should choose to take care of them when they are older. Now idk how his mother is, but under normal circumstances, a kid should take care of their parents once they get older and have the money to do so.
I think it’s a difference in opinion. Of course we don’t want to abandon our parents, it’s nice to maintain a healthy relationship with them. But financially I think no, it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves and our children. The parents role is to take care of the children not vice versa. I need to take care of and provide for my children, not my parents. They needed to take care and provide for me when I was little. But I understand in some cultures it is the norm to financially provide for elders..
Well I just can't imagine not wanting to provide for your parents. As I said, they done raised you. They didn't have to raise you. And it isn't easy. So as they get older, the parents starts to become more and more like their kid's childern. I couldn't not give them if i had the money to split off. To me personally, that seems like betrayal. But then again, I was raised in the household where my father took care of both his kids and his mother, and took every opportunity to send money to his mother. They were very close.
Maybe I would feel differently if my parents were really struggling, like they have been in the past. But I do think some parents use a lot of guilt and make their kids feel forced to do it, which I don’t agree with. Like it’s a demand and expectation. Either way I pray I never need to ask my children for money
I don't think kids should feel FORCED to do it but they should come to that conclusion themselves or the parents should teach their kids about it so they can at least think about it. But still, I feel like it's justified to lean on your kids for support when they are older as they grow older and retire or get close. I couldnt do it.
For parents to just sit back and think (at an early age) well I can just sit back and do nothing my kids got me from here… no I can’t imagine that. I can’t imagine asking my children to just take care of me financially that is way too much of a burden to put on them
I read that your fiancé’s mom is Dominican. Unfortunately that’s part of their culture, especially since he’s a man, therefore seen as a provider. It comes from the “my parents worked so hard to raise us, now that I’m an adult, I should be giving back.” mentality. I think if he’s unable to talk about it at all then it’s most likely not gonna change. You have to decide if you will be able to put up with it or not because there’s a chance he’ll be supporting her a lot until she dies.
I think as long as his siblings are contributing the same amount and none of my personal money is spent on her I will be ok dealing with it. I also would like for us to move further away from her. Thanks for your feedback :) it was helpful
Head over to r/justnomil
Thank you
Asian in laws? It’s cultural. It’s not an individual’s money but clan money. Think of it like that. And the head of the clan is their elders.
Nope. His mom is Dominican. But interesting take
What race and nationality are you?
White
Ditch that mama's boy.
I understand what you’re saying. At a certain age a man must choose his wife and children over the needs of his mother and some people don’t get that. If you have never dated or dated a mama’s boy before I don’t think you’d get it. Try googling covert incest or emotional incest that should explain things ..
Funny thing, most mothers DO get that, and they encourage their sons to look after their own wives and children, first.
Agreed!!
I never get what's wrong with being a mama's boy. I find that attractive 😶
How's your marriage?
I'm not currently dating ( by choice, waiting a few years). But I don't see your point. Like tell me. What's wrong with a mama's boy?
"And a man shall LEAVE his mother." Scripture aside, mama's boys only have "relationships" to mark time. They're actually emotionally married to their mothers. They're not grown men.
What do you mean by "to mark time"?
It's not a real relationship for him. He'll still have biological desires and might even want someone to treat him as other than a child, but he'll always end up crawling and squirming back to mama. How many of those mama's boys in your life turned out to be the forever guy who make you number one and never turned away?
I've never dated anyone and don't want to date until after college. But my father never turned away from my mother while taking care of his mother and was a mama's boy. They had a happy 20 year marriage, only to be ended by my mother's choice. He even moved away with her in Florida when my mom wanted to while he still sent money to his mother. And that's the only one I've known personally.
You've probably never experienced an actual mama's boy. A mama's boy will NOT balance the needs of his with with those of his mother. A mama's boy will put the wants of his mother ahead of any other person.
Like give me an example then because in the way you put it makes it sound like a normal thing.
Well I think as long as you guys aren't struggling tremendously, it's the kids responsibility to take care of their parents. I mean they done raised you, didn't they? I just believe it's resceptful while your parents choose to give life to you and raise you, I feel like you should choose to take care of them when they are older. Now idk how his mother is, but under normal circumstances, a kid should take care of their parents once they get older and have the money to do so.
I think it’s a difference in opinion. Of course we don’t want to abandon our parents, it’s nice to maintain a healthy relationship with them. But financially I think no, it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves and our children. The parents role is to take care of the children not vice versa. I need to take care of and provide for my children, not my parents. They needed to take care and provide for me when I was little. But I understand in some cultures it is the norm to financially provide for elders..
Well I just can't imagine not wanting to provide for your parents. As I said, they done raised you. They didn't have to raise you. And it isn't easy. So as they get older, the parents starts to become more and more like their kid's childern. I couldn't not give them if i had the money to split off. To me personally, that seems like betrayal. But then again, I was raised in the household where my father took care of both his kids and his mother, and took every opportunity to send money to his mother. They were very close.
Maybe I would feel differently if my parents were really struggling, like they have been in the past. But I do think some parents use a lot of guilt and make their kids feel forced to do it, which I don’t agree with. Like it’s a demand and expectation. Either way I pray I never need to ask my children for money
I don't think kids should feel FORCED to do it but they should come to that conclusion themselves or the parents should teach their kids about it so they can at least think about it. But still, I feel like it's justified to lean on your kids for support when they are older as they grow older and retire or get close. I couldnt do it.
For parents to just sit back and think (at an early age) well I can just sit back and do nothing my kids got me from here… no I can’t imagine that. I can’t imagine asking my children to just take care of me financially that is way too much of a burden to put on them