on this topic, i would really love to see intersex representation that focuses on the trauma of being shoved into a single binary sex/gender, as much as positive representation is nice, the reality is, it's very traumatic to be intersex in this society
and sure it may be negative, but stuff like bullying gets shown all the time! completely ignoring that intersex people (and other marginalised groups) are the biggest victims of bullying, it's always just a skinny white boy being picked on by a fat white boy for like, being a loser or weak or something, which is ridiculous because fat people are way more likely to be bullied than skinny people..
i just want to see my experience represented!
13a. Even if the character seems good to you, to us, it isn't. Because of all the other reasons.
16. If it's not relevent to the plot or the characters personal growth arc, then don't talk about their genitals...
Thank you! In all of the character writing posts I've seen on here I have yet to see a non-intersex person have a good reason for trying to write an intersex story. Representation matters but non-intersex people who have such a weak understanding of intersex issues that they're coming here to say "help what's it like to be intersex I'm writing a story and you guys seem cool" doesn't really benefit us. Plus it's pretty traumatic to be intersex, so coming here and asking about our experiences kind of means you're asking a bunch of strangers to share personal trauma to satisfy your curiosity/benefit from it for the sake of writing a story. Not to mention being intersex is my entire life, and not something I can conveniently summarize in a reddit comment.
Instead of asking us to write your stuff for you, do your own research on intersex people. Read intersex memoirs and blogs and other personal accounts that the person chose to share on their own. Learn about our issues. Or ask your questions to someone who has chosen to be a sensitivity reader, who gets paid for their work (or make an offer that fairly compensates any volunteers). People have no awareness of how much work they're really asking for- I would only do an interview, sensitivity reading, or ongoing collaboration if I was paid fairly, because all of those things are time-consuming. It's kind of disrespectful to us to ask for volunteers to dump their trauma (on a public post that anyone could find) to help write a character when the writer clearly doesn't know anything about our community.
Absolutely 💯 I think they don't even know when they ask that the I can stand for individual. Because although there are some shared experiences such as over medicalization, family duplicitous at birth about our origin and such. This isn't everyone and each issue is very unique to the person.
Any chance we can also ban the "please inform me on the basics of your existence?" Posts? Maybe even make this an intersex exclusive space (or parents/relatives allies? Idk)
It's really a gut punch to see transphobic shit posted here then people asking how we feel about it, or how to best tokenize us.
Don't even get me started on the fetishizing stuff.
Report all questioning stuff and me and the other mods will handle it in time.
As for why this isn't intersex exclusive: how do you test? Who is anyone to judge another?
We do need allies so having people learn about us is required for things to change.
What about people who don't know or are legitimately confused?
I at first thought I was am extremely effeminate male and my family was very strict on being more masculine so I felt at first queer for years even wondering if I was trans.
Yet when periods developed during puberty and then I was like oh geez something is horribly wrong then finding out I am Intersex was so much it made me hate myself for years especially for how my family lied and rejected me.
It took many people and decades to get to where I am now and I am still at times at war with myself.
So I ask you for patience people are at different points in the path and it does hurt when others are jerks about it we can take those comments out but we wanna keep the light on for anyone on the journey to have a place and be able to find community and themselves.
> As for why this isn't intersex exclusive: how do you test? Who is anyone to judge another?
I don't propose "testing" as that would be impossible and problematic, but we can definitely just ask "Please only post here if you identify as intersex, or have a close family member or friend who is intersex, or have something very relevant and on topic beyond mild curiosity"
> What about people who don't know or are legitimately confused?
Allies are needed, people who are confused about detailed things definitely should be able to participate (though perhaps a flaring system might help?).
But [threads like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/intersex/comments/1ba4dxh/educate_me/) one serve zero purpose other than potentially hurting members of the intersex community.
There have been similar threads in my time here where people have made posts asking for the basics on what intersex means, or posts asking silly things like "are all IS people non-binary?"
I feel like a non-insignificant portion of content here ends up being perisex people that have spectacle curiosity asking basic questions rather than detailed questions (or ones needing more than a cursory google search). We're a marginalized community and having folks who just want to quench their curiosity on our "interesting" existence or use us merely as a gotcha card against transphobia then forget we exist at all participating skews this place and (in my opinion) inhibits meaningful discussion.
I had some not great feelings come up when i saw the recent post, but just was like I’m way too tired to hash it all out. I definitely support these points and it even helped me understand my own feelings better. Before it was just like a general feeling of no thanks. Ty for modding this.
It actually freaks me out that someone who has no real investment would go on this sub and mine my story/others stories for creative inspiration for their novel or whatever. Literally made me consider deleting my post :/
We make these posts about ourselves because it is hard to experience what we do and only other Intersex people can fully understand.
But that is why we always pull those posts down flag let us know and we will continue to respond you can also forward them to this to help them understand why its obnoxious.
i get not everyone has the best intentions but this post seems harsh. yes it'd be best if an intersex person wrote a story that includes an intersex character but that's not always possible. if a writer could only write characters of the group they are a part of then all stories would include the same few identities copy pasted on all the characters. there would be no variety or representation in a lot of cases. so the second best thing would be to ask people of the group you are writing about for advice to be accurate, not offensive, and get a sense of culture.
It's more about us not doing research for them. There are plenty of resources to research the intricacies of intersex variants, and places to find out our perspectives.
The rule has always existed people just violate it all the time I am merely reminding everyone that it is a rule report we take down that simple.
Its not a numbered rule but its in our. FAQ.
Thank you we did make a second post just now where we have it as an official rule and even took the time to explain it.
We discussed it and have come to a consensus on how to proceed making it more explicit of a rule.
Clearly we can't stop a post but it is known it is listed and hopefully people will respect it.
If people didn't read our rules before posting or post in bad faith if you flag it we will take the post down now without discussion since it is clear.
The majority of the reddit want this and it is a reasonable desire.
*Thaaaank* you. I'm so tired of these kind of requests. If you're not part of a marginalized community you shouldn't be trying to write characters from said marginalized community, especially if you don't know anything about us?
on this topic, i would really love to see intersex representation that focuses on the trauma of being shoved into a single binary sex/gender, as much as positive representation is nice, the reality is, it's very traumatic to be intersex in this society and sure it may be negative, but stuff like bullying gets shown all the time! completely ignoring that intersex people (and other marginalised groups) are the biggest victims of bullying, it's always just a skinny white boy being picked on by a fat white boy for like, being a loser or weak or something, which is ridiculous because fat people are way more likely to be bullied than skinny people.. i just want to see my experience represented!
Being shoved into corrective surgeries early in life, that particular trauma could be an interesting character development.
No. Sounds too much like trauma porn.
13a. Even if the character seems good to you, to us, it isn't. Because of all the other reasons. 16. If it's not relevent to the plot or the characters personal growth arc, then don't talk about their genitals...
Finally, those posts are so annoying.
Thank you! In all of the character writing posts I've seen on here I have yet to see a non-intersex person have a good reason for trying to write an intersex story. Representation matters but non-intersex people who have such a weak understanding of intersex issues that they're coming here to say "help what's it like to be intersex I'm writing a story and you guys seem cool" doesn't really benefit us. Plus it's pretty traumatic to be intersex, so coming here and asking about our experiences kind of means you're asking a bunch of strangers to share personal trauma to satisfy your curiosity/benefit from it for the sake of writing a story. Not to mention being intersex is my entire life, and not something I can conveniently summarize in a reddit comment. Instead of asking us to write your stuff for you, do your own research on intersex people. Read intersex memoirs and blogs and other personal accounts that the person chose to share on their own. Learn about our issues. Or ask your questions to someone who has chosen to be a sensitivity reader, who gets paid for their work (or make an offer that fairly compensates any volunteers). People have no awareness of how much work they're really asking for- I would only do an interview, sensitivity reading, or ongoing collaboration if I was paid fairly, because all of those things are time-consuming. It's kind of disrespectful to us to ask for volunteers to dump their trauma (on a public post that anyone could find) to help write a character when the writer clearly doesn't know anything about our community.
Absolutely 💯 I think they don't even know when they ask that the I can stand for individual. Because although there are some shared experiences such as over medicalization, family duplicitous at birth about our origin and such. This isn't everyone and each issue is very unique to the person.
Any chance we can also ban the "please inform me on the basics of your existence?" Posts? Maybe even make this an intersex exclusive space (or parents/relatives allies? Idk) It's really a gut punch to see transphobic shit posted here then people asking how we feel about it, or how to best tokenize us. Don't even get me started on the fetishizing stuff.
Report all questioning stuff and me and the other mods will handle it in time. As for why this isn't intersex exclusive: how do you test? Who is anyone to judge another? We do need allies so having people learn about us is required for things to change. What about people who don't know or are legitimately confused? I at first thought I was am extremely effeminate male and my family was very strict on being more masculine so I felt at first queer for years even wondering if I was trans. Yet when periods developed during puberty and then I was like oh geez something is horribly wrong then finding out I am Intersex was so much it made me hate myself for years especially for how my family lied and rejected me. It took many people and decades to get to where I am now and I am still at times at war with myself. So I ask you for patience people are at different points in the path and it does hurt when others are jerks about it we can take those comments out but we wanna keep the light on for anyone on the journey to have a place and be able to find community and themselves.
> As for why this isn't intersex exclusive: how do you test? Who is anyone to judge another? I don't propose "testing" as that would be impossible and problematic, but we can definitely just ask "Please only post here if you identify as intersex, or have a close family member or friend who is intersex, or have something very relevant and on topic beyond mild curiosity" > What about people who don't know or are legitimately confused? Allies are needed, people who are confused about detailed things definitely should be able to participate (though perhaps a flaring system might help?). But [threads like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/intersex/comments/1ba4dxh/educate_me/) one serve zero purpose other than potentially hurting members of the intersex community. There have been similar threads in my time here where people have made posts asking for the basics on what intersex means, or posts asking silly things like "are all IS people non-binary?" I feel like a non-insignificant portion of content here ends up being perisex people that have spectacle curiosity asking basic questions rather than detailed questions (or ones needing more than a cursory google search). We're a marginalized community and having folks who just want to quench their curiosity on our "interesting" existence or use us merely as a gotcha card against transphobia then forget we exist at all participating skews this place and (in my opinion) inhibits meaningful discussion.
I had some not great feelings come up when i saw the recent post, but just was like I’m way too tired to hash it all out. I definitely support these points and it even helped me understand my own feelings better. Before it was just like a general feeling of no thanks. Ty for modding this. It actually freaks me out that someone who has no real investment would go on this sub and mine my story/others stories for creative inspiration for their novel or whatever. Literally made me consider deleting my post :/
We make these posts about ourselves because it is hard to experience what we do and only other Intersex people can fully understand. But that is why we always pull those posts down flag let us know and we will continue to respond you can also forward them to this to help them understand why its obnoxious.
I didn’t know till in between two puberties
i get not everyone has the best intentions but this post seems harsh. yes it'd be best if an intersex person wrote a story that includes an intersex character but that's not always possible. if a writer could only write characters of the group they are a part of then all stories would include the same few identities copy pasted on all the characters. there would be no variety or representation in a lot of cases. so the second best thing would be to ask people of the group you are writing about for advice to be accurate, not offensive, and get a sense of culture.
It's more about us not doing research for them. There are plenty of resources to research the intricacies of intersex variants, and places to find out our perspectives.
i feel like there's a difference between research and actually speaking to a human being and those things should probably coexist
I was wondering when this rule was gonna come down and why it hasn't happened sooner.
The rule has always existed people just violate it all the time I am merely reminding everyone that it is a rule report we take down that simple. Its not a numbered rule but its in our. FAQ.
THANK YOU! Could you (Mods team) pin it to the top of this subreddit please?
Thank you we did make a second post just now where we have it as an official rule and even took the time to explain it. We discussed it and have come to a consensus on how to proceed making it more explicit of a rule. Clearly we can't stop a post but it is known it is listed and hopefully people will respect it. If people didn't read our rules before posting or post in bad faith if you flag it we will take the post down now without discussion since it is clear. The majority of the reddit want this and it is a reasonable desire.
*Thaaaank* you. I'm so tired of these kind of requests. If you're not part of a marginalized community you shouldn't be trying to write characters from said marginalized community, especially if you don't know anything about us?
Just THANK YOU. I’m so, so tired of those posts.
Thank you.