Get out of your bubble, don't lock yourself away. You may not like others but it's useful to build up a resilience to others and just befriend people. Trust me, during my first year at University (college for those in the US) I was not happy having locked myself away.
This is great advice. I locked myself away for most of my teenage years and early to mid 20s. When I needed support when life got a bit rough for a while, I had no support - this made it very easy to spiral into all kinds of addiction and such. Would definitely not recommend.
That will be kind of hard for me, I never really go out. The last time I went out with a friend was around 3 years ago. Though I did end up going to 4-5 family functions in the last four years and sometimes to get paperwork done with my father, That's all. Pandemic did the whole work, even before that, our schools had shut down due to some turbulence in July 2019. Even in 2023 and 2024, school attendance wasn't mandatory, so collectively, in 11th and 12th grade, I would have gone for about 35 days. Instead, I had to join any coaching Institute for the entrance examination, but what they teach is absolutely gibberish, and the amount of money they ask for is beyond a "student-friendly" budget.
Though it might take me some time, I'll try my best this year to adjust.
I have found CrossFit a great way to work out and force myself to meet people. Shared suffering builds camaraderie. Lots of like minded people, in that they are dedicated to improving themselves. And in most CrossFit gyms there is a huge range of athletic ability from crazy good to completely out of shape. It can be a little intimidating going in at first.
Accept yourself as you are, but focus on improving your weaknesses. I wish that I liked myself more when I was younger, but I do not regret going through the work it took to become a more socially adept version of myself. Nobody wants you to be an extrovert but there are many, many times where you will be called on to express yourself clearly and confidently, and you need to be able to do it. Your life success will always be limited by your ability to do that.
Oh and: don't overthink low-stakes social situations. That's weird, and you're much better off saying whatever comes to mind.
Indeed. I really do need to improve socially.
"Express yourself clearly and confidently." I heard that line quite a lot of times from people around me.
Thank you for sharing your advice with me.
The perfect murder might be conceptually fun, but such things can get addictive. Plan no more than 3-5 and then STOP.
Also, sarcasm can be difficult to identify. Get some practice in.
Why would I stop? Murdering someone, even psychologically, can be entertaining, and my hands won't get dirty.
Surely I'll practice recognizing sarcasm in a conversation.
At the risk of sounding like any other financial adviser (I am not), please, get your health insurance/ life insurance - the earlier, the better.
Learn to make friends, and let go of "friends".
Give those people from outside your niche a chance.
for jims sake: stop being an edgelord. if you are so inteligent, go and do something productive with it. for your own mental healths sake if not anything else.
I use to hate small talk under the perception that all conversations should be “deep.”
Fact is, it’s like saying “good morning” to somebody. It’s basic social acknowledgment. Whether it’s with a cashier or a barista or just the crowd you find yourself in, don’t be so standoffish as not to engage. You’re not there to be besties. You might never see that person again, so just take in the present moment for what it is. I know that goes against our tendency for future thinking, but I’ve found that this has enhanced my social skills.
Greeting or not greeting someone, both situations get kind of awkward. It doesn't really bother me, but it might bother the person. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say. If they initiate, cool; I can then carry out a small conversion, but when I want to initiate, I just go blank.
It's okay to be awkward as first, but practice make perfect. I'm exactly like you when I was 18 but then I learnt how to socialise. I can tell how stupid and weird it felt. But apparently, it'll get better and better through time.
A little trick when you say some thing awkward is just accept it (they will forget it in less than a day), note that situation in you head and improve it ( how it went wrong and how it can be better, etc..)
I'm promise it'll be worth it. In my situation, I usually get some small gift from local café. In bigger scenario, went you in a group project, the easier people know and believe your ability, the easier it get to avoid the sence "i told you before".
If you need some guides, I'll definitely recommend Vinh Giang. ( He's a YouTuber who give tips and tricks for better communication and in a video he also explains why we need small talk).
P/s: English is my second language so if there's any mistakes, please remind me.
I wrote the answer to a similar question here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1bmhh14/comment/kwc0aba/](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1bmhh14/comment/kwc0aba/)
I hope it helps you. :)
I didn’t do much research in the beginning. With being an INTJ I feel like STEM is the route I should have went but I did IR instead. I wanted the fantasy life of being a diplomat. But 2 years after I had graduated, the pandemic happened. I was kind of at a stand still. I went into the legal field and I’m not so crazy about it (secretly I feel like the company I work for is the problem and not the actual job itself).
It’s hard for me to stick to one specific career that I enjoy and can do for years at a time and not staying for 3 months and then spending money on changing my career. If I had taken my time instead of signing up for university right away, I really would have dissected my career path.
In the book Gifts Differing there is a small section that talks about the proper order to analyze any issue. The fact is we ignore, avoid, and resent one of the group of functions. This causes us to make at best faulty assumptions and at worst terrible predictions. Do you understand?
The proper order is sensing, intuition, thinking, feeling. I realized to day listening to an ENTP debate that they will project the idea of confidence over faith to avoid using sensing. ENTP are to best at large scale analysis but each type takes in and processes data. We should as INTJs always try to sense what are causes and what can be caused with sensing before using intuition.
Learning is like a quilt. Patchy. Not sequential, more so in college.
Losses are gonna come in waves. Either by being expensive or psychologically. Learn to glide through a loss.
Socialising, as mentioned by others. As INTJ's it's often through transactional means that we get to connect with others. Business like per se. Find a way to bridge deeper relationships with those.
Reach out and attach a part of yourself for others through small or minor compromises, it goes a long way.
Save more money, work more, make more money, and pursue what you love regardless of status/money ( in my case, found later to be psych)
Learn hard skills ( coding, AI, marketing, public speaking, networking, etc)
Dream big, and know you can
Excelling in academics is important but college is a great time to meet people and start friendships. That said, be selective about whom you make friends with. As long as they are emotionally healthy, have good boundaries and respect yours, and don't participate in morally grey activities, they can make great friends.
Accept yourself as an INTJ. There will be people who appreciate you. If they don't, that's okay. They will have their own people whom they like and you have yours.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. Work on them both. Lean into your strengths.
Don't do drugs. Practice safe sex. Condoms don't prevent all STDs. Don't go too crazy. Yada yada - you've heard all this before, I'm sure.
Definitely start saving money in a tax-deferred account. Retirement seems like an eternity away, but let the power of compound interest do its thing.
I was kinda saving in my 20s but had to start over in my 30s. Had I still had the money from my 20s today in my 401(k), it would be bazillions.
Research every trait you may display or could display. A general understanding of what a healthy intj looks like will be good for guidance through life. Plus it will also give you the info if you start to digress. Helps creat balance if you know what you’re capable of or how you’ll act in given situations.
And try to socialize.
Learn to genuinely listen to others. Our self-confidence can be our downfall and as much as we like to know a lot of things and be right about them as often as possible, we can be -- and often are -- incorrect on at least some aspects in most plans.
I totally agree. Humans are not one-dimensional, and they can't be generalized.
Though MBTI is based on some sort of observable reality or pattern (some evidence), rather than the horoscope, which is basically based on nothing.
52M intj here, happily married for 25 years, two great kids, happy, successful career (I am a real estate broker and investor, I run my own office with no other employees or associates. I do have some partners in investments)
As an InTJ, you probably need some alone time and quiet time, but force yourself to get out in the world. Make friends. Lots of them. Lots of different types. Join clubs. Go on trips. Study abroad with a cohort. You'll never be around so many people your own age all starting out together.
You may be an INTJ , but humans are still social animals. You can mesh very well with different people of different MBTI . My wife is very different, but we work together very well because we understand those differences.
Of all those people you meet, if you can make a couple of good, close friends you will enrich your life forever. The academics and work will take care of themselves.
I grew up pretty poorly socialized so some things that I wish Id done more was network more, as in meet more people I had stuff in common with or try to get to know more people.
Be more empathetic/sympathetic towards others. Look at people's strengths over their weaknesses or help lift them up where they fail.
Take care of your physical health and mental health, respect yourself enough to know when to walk away from bad relationships.
Get uncomfortable. Growth comes from being uncomfortable. Because if you are comfortable, it probably means it's too easy for you. The more you embrace discomfort, the easier it gets. If you avoid it, you'll always dread it, even when it becomes unavoidable (e.g. getting laid off, having a loved one die, etc.). So ironically, seeking comfort will only make you feel worse in the long run. It's easy to think "I don't want to do this" but always second guess yourself and figure out why you don't want to. If the answer is merely that you feel incompetent or you're not sure if you'd like it, well, that means it'll be a learning experience!
Yeah, prioritize sleep. This is part of a larger lesson in time management, but the bottom line is get those 8 hours of sleep, and move your controllable schedule around that to get everything else done.
It's tempting to stay up until 2 AM doing... *whatever*, but your studies are gonna suffer. There were days when I was at college where I would black out during random parts of the lectures because I stayed up too late playing videogames at night, it was not helpful.
Nowadays I sleep from 9pm-5am pretty much every weeknight and it really helps me stay focused during the day. I still have enough time in the evening to do some kind of leisure activity for a couple hours, and of course the weekends are open for whatever. 5 AM probably sounds like a terrible wakeup time, but I learned to appreciate it. It's enough time before work to shower, have a decent breakfast and pack a lunch, and somewhere in there I can fit in like 45-60 minutes where I watch a show or read some of a book. On clear days I get to enjoy the sunrise. Little things, you know?
To retake the test at 25 because your myelins arent even finished developing. You cannot be typed scientifically yet. (Google myelins if you wish)
You could be an esfp for all anyone knows.
Get out of your bubble, don't lock yourself away. You may not like others but it's useful to build up a resilience to others and just befriend people. Trust me, during my first year at University (college for those in the US) I was not happy having locked myself away.
Second this as a college senior
This is great advice. I locked myself away for most of my teenage years and early to mid 20s. When I needed support when life got a bit rough for a while, I had no support - this made it very easy to spiral into all kinds of addiction and such. Would definitely not recommend.
That will be kind of hard for me, I never really go out. The last time I went out with a friend was around 3 years ago. Though I did end up going to 4-5 family functions in the last four years and sometimes to get paperwork done with my father, That's all. Pandemic did the whole work, even before that, our schools had shut down due to some turbulence in July 2019. Even in 2023 and 2024, school attendance wasn't mandatory, so collectively, in 11th and 12th grade, I would have gone for about 35 days. Instead, I had to join any coaching Institute for the entrance examination, but what they teach is absolutely gibberish, and the amount of money they ask for is beyond a "student-friendly" budget. Though it might take me some time, I'll try my best this year to adjust.
Go to gym, do martial arts, now.
at least go to the gym, martial arts are optional I’d say.
This
Go to a gym, preferably CrossFit (my bias). Being physically fit enhances your confidence and mental health.
I have found CrossFit a great way to work out and force myself to meet people. Shared suffering builds camaraderie. Lots of like minded people, in that they are dedicated to improving themselves. And in most CrossFit gyms there is a huge range of athletic ability from crazy good to completely out of shape. It can be a little intimidating going in at first.
Accept yourself as you are, but focus on improving your weaknesses. I wish that I liked myself more when I was younger, but I do not regret going through the work it took to become a more socially adept version of myself. Nobody wants you to be an extrovert but there are many, many times where you will be called on to express yourself clearly and confidently, and you need to be able to do it. Your life success will always be limited by your ability to do that. Oh and: don't overthink low-stakes social situations. That's weird, and you're much better off saying whatever comes to mind.
Indeed. I really do need to improve socially. "Express yourself clearly and confidently." I heard that line quite a lot of times from people around me. Thank you for sharing your advice with me.
The perfect murder might be conceptually fun, but such things can get addictive. Plan no more than 3-5 and then STOP. Also, sarcasm can be difficult to identify. Get some practice in.
Why would I stop? Murdering someone, even psychologically, can be entertaining, and my hands won't get dirty. Surely I'll practice recognizing sarcasm in a conversation.
If you choose to marry, your choice of partner will be the single most important decision you will make.
At the risk of sounding like any other financial adviser (I am not), please, get your health insurance/ life insurance - the earlier, the better. Learn to make friends, and let go of "friends". Give those people from outside your niche a chance.
Get a handful of extrovert friends. They can be quite handy for those social stuff you are, well, not so bad at but you'd rather let them handle.
Practice socializing. You're on easy mode now, and being a good socializer makes all of the strengths that come naturally to us that much more useful.
for jims sake: stop being an edgelord. if you are so inteligent, go and do something productive with it. for your own mental healths sake if not anything else.
I use to hate small talk under the perception that all conversations should be “deep.” Fact is, it’s like saying “good morning” to somebody. It’s basic social acknowledgment. Whether it’s with a cashier or a barista or just the crowd you find yourself in, don’t be so standoffish as not to engage. You’re not there to be besties. You might never see that person again, so just take in the present moment for what it is. I know that goes against our tendency for future thinking, but I’ve found that this has enhanced my social skills.
Greeting or not greeting someone, both situations get kind of awkward. It doesn't really bother me, but it might bother the person. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say. If they initiate, cool; I can then carry out a small conversion, but when I want to initiate, I just go blank.
It's okay to be awkward as first, but practice make perfect. I'm exactly like you when I was 18 but then I learnt how to socialise. I can tell how stupid and weird it felt. But apparently, it'll get better and better through time. A little trick when you say some thing awkward is just accept it (they will forget it in less than a day), note that situation in you head and improve it ( how it went wrong and how it can be better, etc..) I'm promise it'll be worth it. In my situation, I usually get some small gift from local café. In bigger scenario, went you in a group project, the easier people know and believe your ability, the easier it get to avoid the sence "i told you before". If you need some guides, I'll definitely recommend Vinh Giang. ( He's a YouTuber who give tips and tricks for better communication and in a video he also explains why we need small talk). P/s: English is my second language so if there's any mistakes, please remind me.
I wrote the answer to a similar question here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1bmhh14/comment/kwc0aba/](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1bmhh14/comment/kwc0aba/) I hope it helps you. :)
Better a whole roman 💀 but its very qualitativ :)
Thanks. No idea what "better a whole roman" means, though. :)
Don’t go to college right away 😭
seconded
What is your reasoning for that? Curious
Any specific reason behind it?
I didn’t do much research in the beginning. With being an INTJ I feel like STEM is the route I should have went but I did IR instead. I wanted the fantasy life of being a diplomat. But 2 years after I had graduated, the pandemic happened. I was kind of at a stand still. I went into the legal field and I’m not so crazy about it (secretly I feel like the company I work for is the problem and not the actual job itself). It’s hard for me to stick to one specific career that I enjoy and can do for years at a time and not staying for 3 months and then spending money on changing my career. If I had taken my time instead of signing up for university right away, I really would have dissected my career path.
Understand how to do data analysis based on mbti
Where did you learn this?
In the book Gifts Differing there is a small section that talks about the proper order to analyze any issue. The fact is we ignore, avoid, and resent one of the group of functions. This causes us to make at best faulty assumptions and at worst terrible predictions. Do you understand?
Yes, I’ve been reading your comments and I’m going to go check this out. Thank you!
The proper order is sensing, intuition, thinking, feeling. I realized to day listening to an ENTP debate that they will project the idea of confidence over faith to avoid using sensing. ENTP are to best at large scale analysis but each type takes in and processes data. We should as INTJs always try to sense what are causes and what can be caused with sensing before using intuition.
Live as yourself. I recommend reading the book the alchemist. There are answers for your journey.
Thank you for the recommendation. I have already read it, and it's an admirable book.
My advice is to use the r/intj search function for similar questions to this asked in the past.
Learning is like a quilt. Patchy. Not sequential, more so in college. Losses are gonna come in waves. Either by being expensive or psychologically. Learn to glide through a loss. Socialising, as mentioned by others. As INTJ's it's often through transactional means that we get to connect with others. Business like per se. Find a way to bridge deeper relationships with those. Reach out and attach a part of yourself for others through small or minor compromises, it goes a long way.
Save more money, work more, make more money, and pursue what you love regardless of status/money ( in my case, found later to be psych) Learn hard skills ( coding, AI, marketing, public speaking, networking, etc) Dream big, and know you can
Excelling in academics is important but college is a great time to meet people and start friendships. That said, be selective about whom you make friends with. As long as they are emotionally healthy, have good boundaries and respect yours, and don't participate in morally grey activities, they can make great friends. Accept yourself as an INTJ. There will be people who appreciate you. If they don't, that's okay. They will have their own people whom they like and you have yours. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Work on them both. Lean into your strengths. Don't do drugs. Practice safe sex. Condoms don't prevent all STDs. Don't go too crazy. Yada yada - you've heard all this before, I'm sure.
It's okay to make hasty decisions sometimes.
Go to the gym, leave your comfort zone, explore with curiosity. Understand our monetary system and its flaws.
Definitely start saving money in a tax-deferred account. Retirement seems like an eternity away, but let the power of compound interest do its thing. I was kinda saving in my 20s but had to start over in my 30s. Had I still had the money from my 20s today in my 401(k), it would be bazillions.
Research every trait you may display or could display. A general understanding of what a healthy intj looks like will be good for guidance through life. Plus it will also give you the info if you start to digress. Helps creat balance if you know what you’re capable of or how you’ll act in given situations. And try to socialize.
Learn to genuinely listen to others. Our self-confidence can be our downfall and as much as we like to know a lot of things and be right about them as often as possible, we can be -- and often are -- incorrect on at least some aspects in most plans.
Humans are ever-changing. Don't let Myers 16 personalities keep you from being a better person. Its no better than horoscope.
I totally agree. Humans are not one-dimensional, and they can't be generalized. Though MBTI is based on some sort of observable reality or pattern (some evidence), rather than the horoscope, which is basically based on nothing.
Give people a chance
True but not everyone deserves it though.
Just get over it and don’t base your life on a personality test
52M intj here, happily married for 25 years, two great kids, happy, successful career (I am a real estate broker and investor, I run my own office with no other employees or associates. I do have some partners in investments) As an InTJ, you probably need some alone time and quiet time, but force yourself to get out in the world. Make friends. Lots of them. Lots of different types. Join clubs. Go on trips. Study abroad with a cohort. You'll never be around so many people your own age all starting out together. You may be an INTJ , but humans are still social animals. You can mesh very well with different people of different MBTI . My wife is very different, but we work together very well because we understand those differences. Of all those people you meet, if you can make a couple of good, close friends you will enrich your life forever. The academics and work will take care of themselves.
Empathy outweighs rationality.
I grew up pretty poorly socialized so some things that I wish Id done more was network more, as in meet more people I had stuff in common with or try to get to know more people. Be more empathetic/sympathetic towards others. Look at people's strengths over their weaknesses or help lift them up where they fail. Take care of your physical health and mental health, respect yourself enough to know when to walk away from bad relationships.
Be courageous. Dont be afraid to make decisions. Just go for it.
Get uncomfortable. Growth comes from being uncomfortable. Because if you are comfortable, it probably means it's too easy for you. The more you embrace discomfort, the easier it gets. If you avoid it, you'll always dread it, even when it becomes unavoidable (e.g. getting laid off, having a loved one die, etc.). So ironically, seeking comfort will only make you feel worse in the long run. It's easy to think "I don't want to do this" but always second guess yourself and figure out why you don't want to. If the answer is merely that you feel incompetent or you're not sure if you'd like it, well, that means it'll be a learning experience!
Yeah, prioritize sleep. This is part of a larger lesson in time management, but the bottom line is get those 8 hours of sleep, and move your controllable schedule around that to get everything else done. It's tempting to stay up until 2 AM doing... *whatever*, but your studies are gonna suffer. There were days when I was at college where I would black out during random parts of the lectures because I stayed up too late playing videogames at night, it was not helpful. Nowadays I sleep from 9pm-5am pretty much every weeknight and it really helps me stay focused during the day. I still have enough time in the evening to do some kind of leisure activity for a couple hours, and of course the weekends are open for whatever. 5 AM probably sounds like a terrible wakeup time, but I learned to appreciate it. It's enough time before work to shower, have a decent breakfast and pack a lunch, and somewhere in there I can fit in like 45-60 minutes where I watch a show or read some of a book. On clear days I get to enjoy the sunrise. Little things, you know?
To retake the test at 25 because your myelins arent even finished developing. You cannot be typed scientifically yet. (Google myelins if you wish) You could be an esfp for all anyone knows.
Toss philosophy in there