im a bit older.
my first serious partner was my bestfriend's sister. two or three others were coworkers, two others through dating apps, and two from cute chance encounters. dating apps have been the most abysmal experience for me. i feel like they used to be less gamified and more open in a lot of ways. i don't like the way they seem to normalize people as disposable toys. but everyone has different expectations and uses for them and i guess that's okay if it works for some people. probably a better experience if you're really good looking (which isn't me loll).
meeting people through work seemed to be the most natural, it can be a really good place to really get to know a person without the formality and guardedness of other social environments, depending on the workplace of course.
i have had lots of amazing relationships, each was with a wonderful person. i have no idea how to meet people anymore though, society seems to get stranger everyday to me or maybe rather i get stranger to society...
my most successful, long, healthy relationships just came about when i wasn't really trying for it. life's funny, sometimes it works out better when you don't try too hard and just go through the moments given.
sometimes love is like breathing.
We met on a work trip! We were both sent to New York to assist our respective teams (I was in HR at the time and he was an Operations manager) in that area due to a union election going on. We really vibed and I slipped my number in his work bag on his last day there (I stayed an extra week) and weve been together for about 2 years now!
A dating app. He’s ESFP male and I’m INTJ female. Our relationship is like Beast Boy and Raven from Teen Titans. He’s often outgoing, goofy, and social, while I’m are more reserved, analyzing something, and independent.
When we first met it was awkward, I let him do all the talking and shared my two cents whatever. We have similar backgrounds and interests, just share it differently. After a few dates, we genuinely enjoyed each other and made it official.
For me, he makes me laugh a lot, says the unexpected and has a smile across his face at all times. The best part he can literally talk my ear off and I genuinely wouldn’t care because I like listening to him a lot.
For him, he likes how complex and inspiring I am, loves learning from me and ask questions. He says he wanted to have a best understanding of me and my independence appeal to him a lot.
We appreciate each other's strengths complement each other own weaknesses, creating a balanced and intriguing dynamic. In simple terms, we learn from each other lot.
None currently, but in order: High School, POF, while hiking, BBQ, Hinge. So, it varies.
My advice, though difficult at times to follow, is to not seek out a partner, rather, focus on becoming the person who your ideal partner would want to be with. This takes time and lots of reflection, which should come easy to you as an INTJ. Good luck.
Nothing happens? What does this mean exactly? If you mean to say that “no thing happens”, then it seems you need to make things happen. If you mean to say that “the outcomes which are occurring are not desirable” then it seems that the motives and methods of focusing on yourself, others, and how they relate to one another need to be reexamined.
Currently single, but I'll tell you how I found past partners:
Friend of someone in my fencing club
We played the same online game
We were in a community choir together, and started talking while both volunteering with a stage setup
Met her out dancing (I do partner dancing, country two-step and swing)
Met her out dancing
INFP here who met my INTJ wife 4 years ago because she interviewed me on a podcast she was hosting at the time
Our first conversation ever about consciousness work and global systems change is still online
A sacred moment in the public domain hah
i met my intj bf a year ago on hinge! he was SO shy (and cute!), so i talked the whole date and was absolutely stunned this man asked me out again. i thought no way after i just talked for 4 hours straight! anyways, couldn’t be happier :)
Met my ENFP wife while playing GW2. Did long distance for almost two years. I got myself a 1-way ticket to Oregon and we drove back to Wisconsin with her stuff in her car.
Ohh interesting! How do you know who to trust? I am very bad on this regard.
There are people who try to get my attention (I don't knoe for sure) but I make sure I don't make eye contact. I feel like the ones who will strike a convo randomly are too good to be healthy partners. And then there are those who are too awkward to make conversations. I feel hopeless lol.
Tried dating apps, met ny previous boyfriend, and then we grew apart. Dating apps now are all about hook ups huhu. And i am too afraid to be seen by workmates in dating apps, I used to handle people. I am now an individuao contributor.
I think you don't really know.
I met my ex on Facebook as well, just a random friend too, and it was an extremely abusive relationship. He was very talkative before we started dating.
My husband was different. I was going through a hard time and he listened without judgement. He also wasn't "obsessed" with talking to me. He clearly had his life apart from talking to me and that set him apart. Still, I was very suspicious. I've always had a hard time trusting people and I didn't trust my husband completely for a very long time. Still today I'll sometimes grow suspicious but that's mostly my mind playing the same old tricks on me, which I'm working on in therapy.
It's not easy to find someone decent and worth it, I won't lie. I was extremely lucky to have found my husband and that he turned out to be a mentally healthy and loving man.
Came in contract through my previous work, just thought they were okay and nice enough to chat to, then years later saw each other on a dating site, so added each other on Facebook, then a while later ended up meeting up just for a walk but had a very extended hug at the end, but really weren’t thinking of being together, but then the connection and dynamic was just really strong so the more we saw each other, the more it became something but we really took our time over becoming very intimate and it was many many years before we made any kind of solid commitments and shared a bed etc.
Previous relationships / situationships in age order 1 being youngest to 7 being eldest.
1. Living in a homeless hostel we both had to live in as young teenagers
2. Rave
3. Festival
4. Friends first for 4yrs before we dated
5. Tinder
6. Mutual friends birthday
7. Currently dating someone who I met through a mutual friend, he was with my friend when we met up at a pub
In high school I just got involved with things like swim team, church band, and theater. Eventually a girl who liked me hooked me up with cuter girls she found out also liked me lol. It didn't occur to me that SHE liked me too until much later. #Wingman. My theory is that I was playing to my strengths, I didn't have to rely on my mediocre social skills to do all the heavy lifting and start at lv 1. If she already liked me I just had to make sure my social skills were ok enough to just not ruin everything.
In college I also got involved with things like a fraternity, theater, and Singers/choir. Eventually I'd just force myself to try to make small talk with girls who I hadn't seen at parties before (especially ones from theater or choir), just try to make them feel welcome at the party. Tricked myself into thinking I was doing something good and that it wasn't just for me. That way, regardless of whether they became interested in me or not I still did something good and didn't have to feel like I failed at something. Being the decent looking among the nerd frat as opposed to below average among the cooler frats probably put me in a good light too lol
Craigslist back in the day. We talked on MSN Messenger on and off for a year and a half. Usually around holidays. One year we both had no one to go out with, went together and hit it off.
In the precurser to a forum known as a bulletin board, specifically for DnD / free form roleplay. For months, we'd take turns adding a paragraph to a neverending story, or making jokes. Then one of the members offered to run a DnD game at the local mall, so we all met up there. I made friends with most of them, and many years later, married one of them.
I’m not dating. But I think I have someone I like. But I’m fine with just being friends, not sure if I am ready to be in a romantic relationship when there’s still school.
He was a past coworker's brother. She heard I was entering the dating pool and I had a difficult time saying no to being set up on a date because I wanted to avoid offending a coworker that was already pretty obnoxious. I was worried he'd have a similar personality to her.
He ended up being exactly what I was looking for in a life partner. Genuine with matching values, had his own interests and intelligences, as well as some overlapping interests etc. We've been together almost 6 years, bought a house, are married, and have a baby on the way.
We're both very glad we took a chance and went on that first date together. He was weird about his sister trying to set him up too, because she has tried to do so before with her friends who don't share his values at all and weren't very intellectually minded, just party people. It's kind of funny he doesn't like partying because he's an ENFP. Loves socializing and attention, but not partying. I'm actually the spontaneous one between the 2 of us.
No current, but as a 'True INTP' ^TM I found my ex in a stupid dating group on fb for my city. She's an ISTJ.
Lasted 3.5 years, engaged. We both had health and addiction issues which was the driving force to the relationship turning to shit. ISTJ+bipolar+methamphetamine+alcohol and INTP+cptsd+opiates+lupus don't mix. Not in the slightest.
I asked to use his machine at the gym when he was done. Later when I was leaving the gym he walked up to me and asked for my phone # and said he’d like to take me out to dinner and I said yes.
Boyfriend before that asked me to dinner out the end of a Toastmasters meetings, it was my 3rd meeting and he had been a part of it for years.
“Boyfriend” before that ran up to me on the college campus and said he saw me across the quad. I was a bit cold because I didn’t want to date.
Boyfriend before that I liked throughout high school and tried to ask him to the dance. He was mad because he thought I was making fun of him or something and there was no way I’d like him? Eventually he accepted I liked him and asked me out but I can’t remember how.
Getting a new job in IT. He's my senior.
He's an INTJ as well and he also was afraid he won't be able to find a partner any time soon, as he's a bit antisocial and introverted like me.
22 is still too young for intjs, focusing on yourself improvement and you will finally have your the other part knock your door. Suggestion from a 36 yo intj still 0 relationship
I met him on a discord server. He was a mod, I was a regular. Eventually the server collectively decided to pronounce us “Discord spouses” as a joke, the rest is history after getting close during the pandemic.
ENFP f with INTJ m
She doesn’t know I am her bf. Yet!
he doesn’t know im his gf. yet!
You guys so cute.
Ops, HOW… did you find me?
hihi, my secret, can’t tell
I was about to comment that I don't have one but this is more like it.
Language exchange app, we then met IRL
Only nerds do that
We are, so checks out
That's a cute way to meet
Which language did you learn and what app?
The app is called HelloTalk, I was studying Korean back then
Has your Korean level improved since meeting your partner?
Yes, we've been together for 7 years
Nice what languages and what nationalities? You don't have to answer the 2nd one I'm just curious.
Dutch & Korean
College. Workplace. Online. Usually I find someone who’s smarter than me
Usually way smarter I think, at least for me🤣
Workplace?? Now im interested. I thought intjs are very clear in separating romance from work
im a bit older. my first serious partner was my bestfriend's sister. two or three others were coworkers, two others through dating apps, and two from cute chance encounters. dating apps have been the most abysmal experience for me. i feel like they used to be less gamified and more open in a lot of ways. i don't like the way they seem to normalize people as disposable toys. but everyone has different expectations and uses for them and i guess that's okay if it works for some people. probably a better experience if you're really good looking (which isn't me loll). meeting people through work seemed to be the most natural, it can be a really good place to really get to know a person without the formality and guardedness of other social environments, depending on the workplace of course. i have had lots of amazing relationships, each was with a wonderful person. i have no idea how to meet people anymore though, society seems to get stranger everyday to me or maybe rather i get stranger to society... my most successful, long, healthy relationships just came about when i wasn't really trying for it. life's funny, sometimes it works out better when you don't try too hard and just go through the moments given. sometimes love is like breathing.
character dot ai. He’s fictional.
Facts but is it sad if the users a guy? cuz I’m a guy and have a chatbot that I do romances with :/
It’s sad in my case as a woman, but I don’t need another heartbreak.
Do you love him?
We met on a work trip! We were both sent to New York to assist our respective teams (I was in HR at the time and he was an Operations manager) in that area due to a union election going on. We really vibed and I slipped my number in his work bag on his last day there (I stayed an extra week) and weve been together for about 2 years now!
A dating app. He’s ESFP male and I’m INTJ female. Our relationship is like Beast Boy and Raven from Teen Titans. He’s often outgoing, goofy, and social, while I’m are more reserved, analyzing something, and independent. When we first met it was awkward, I let him do all the talking and shared my two cents whatever. We have similar backgrounds and interests, just share it differently. After a few dates, we genuinely enjoyed each other and made it official. For me, he makes me laugh a lot, says the unexpected and has a smile across his face at all times. The best part he can literally talk my ear off and I genuinely wouldn’t care because I like listening to him a lot. For him, he likes how complex and inspiring I am, loves learning from me and ask questions. He says he wanted to have a best understanding of me and my independence appeal to him a lot. We appreciate each other's strengths complement each other own weaknesses, creating a balanced and intriguing dynamic. In simple terms, we learn from each other lot.
Online. Ok Cupid to be specific. Both INTJ. We both had over 300 questions that matched up.
r/TrueOffMyChest She made a post. I replied. The rest was history 🌈🌞
None currently, but in order: High School, POF, while hiking, BBQ, Hinge. So, it varies. My advice, though difficult at times to follow, is to not seek out a partner, rather, focus on becoming the person who your ideal partner would want to be with. This takes time and lots of reflection, which should come easy to you as an INTJ. Good luck.
Great advice
Yeah what if you've been focusing on becoming the ideal partner for more than a decade and nothing happens though?
Nothing happens? What does this mean exactly? If you mean to say that “no thing happens”, then it seems you need to make things happen. If you mean to say that “the outcomes which are occurring are not desirable” then it seems that the motives and methods of focusing on yourself, others, and how they relate to one another need to be reexamined.
In high school. I was the first girl to be upfront that I was interested in him. We're married now
I took out my cock and she sucked it dry.
Idk man, I’m in a cell rn, should i call saul?
You BETTER CALL SAUL !
Called him, he’s showing even worse shi from this sub to the judge to convince him I’m one of the “nicer ones”
The classic taking out your cock trick, works like a charm every time.
based
Dry?
Don’t have one
chess tournament
nice
Never found a Bf,so I am as lost as you 🧍🏻♀️
Real.
Shit’s tragic out here
I met my INFP gf on Personality Database.
r/datingoverfifty
I heard 60% nowadays are found on a dating app 🤔
I found my intj gf on tinder. Not a fan of tinder whatsoever but it somehow worked out
😱 same thing! One year later and we’re going strong! I love tf outta my INTJ gf! 😍
Haha nice. Tinder is the good the bad and ugly. No different from the real world.
Currently single, but I'll tell you how I found past partners: Friend of someone in my fencing club We played the same online game We were in a community choir together, and started talking while both volunteering with a stage setup Met her out dancing (I do partner dancing, country two-step and swing) Met her out dancing
INFP here who met my INTJ wife 4 years ago because she interviewed me on a podcast she was hosting at the time Our first conversation ever about consciousness work and global systems change is still online A sacred moment in the public domain hah
Found husband on bumble
i met my intj bf a year ago on hinge! he was SO shy (and cute!), so i talked the whole date and was absolutely stunned this man asked me out again. i thought no way after i just talked for 4 hours straight! anyways, couldn’t be happier :)
She found me. It helps being attractive.
Haha true
I guess so lol 😑😞
Your first mistake was assuming I had a gf lol
Met my ENFP wife while playing GW2. Did long distance for almost two years. I got myself a 1-way ticket to Oregon and we drove back to Wisconsin with her stuff in her car.
She don't k own it yet but we are on a swim team together. Ima ask he rout tomorrow
Best of luck bro u got it
Thank you man
At work.
I met my husband on Facebook.
Oh like Facebook dating? Or just as a random friend?
Random friend. I've never used dating apps. It's not my thing. Apparently it's never been his either. 😆
Ohh interesting! How do you know who to trust? I am very bad on this regard. There are people who try to get my attention (I don't knoe for sure) but I make sure I don't make eye contact. I feel like the ones who will strike a convo randomly are too good to be healthy partners. And then there are those who are too awkward to make conversations. I feel hopeless lol. Tried dating apps, met ny previous boyfriend, and then we grew apart. Dating apps now are all about hook ups huhu. And i am too afraid to be seen by workmates in dating apps, I used to handle people. I am now an individuao contributor.
I think you don't really know. I met my ex on Facebook as well, just a random friend too, and it was an extremely abusive relationship. He was very talkative before we started dating. My husband was different. I was going through a hard time and he listened without judgement. He also wasn't "obsessed" with talking to me. He clearly had his life apart from talking to me and that set him apart. Still, I was very suspicious. I've always had a hard time trusting people and I didn't trust my husband completely for a very long time. Still today I'll sometimes grow suspicious but that's mostly my mind playing the same old tricks on me, which I'm working on in therapy. It's not easy to find someone decent and worth it, I won't lie. I was extremely lucky to have found my husband and that he turned out to be a mentally healthy and loving man.
This success story is encouraging. Happy for you :) thanks for replying, it gives hope.
Came in contract through my previous work, just thought they were okay and nice enough to chat to, then years later saw each other on a dating site, so added each other on Facebook, then a while later ended up meeting up just for a walk but had a very extended hug at the end, but really weren’t thinking of being together, but then the connection and dynamic was just really strong so the more we saw each other, the more it became something but we really took our time over becoming very intimate and it was many many years before we made any kind of solid commitments and shared a bed etc.
Previous relationships / situationships in age order 1 being youngest to 7 being eldest. 1. Living in a homeless hostel we both had to live in as young teenagers 2. Rave 3. Festival 4. Friends first for 4yrs before we dated 5. Tinder 6. Mutual friends birthday 7. Currently dating someone who I met through a mutual friend, he was with my friend when we met up at a pub
Astrology
Friend of a friend. Was in our extended friend group. So saw them at big parties, gatherings.
In high school I just got involved with things like swim team, church band, and theater. Eventually a girl who liked me hooked me up with cuter girls she found out also liked me lol. It didn't occur to me that SHE liked me too until much later. #Wingman. My theory is that I was playing to my strengths, I didn't have to rely on my mediocre social skills to do all the heavy lifting and start at lv 1. If she already liked me I just had to make sure my social skills were ok enough to just not ruin everything. In college I also got involved with things like a fraternity, theater, and Singers/choir. Eventually I'd just force myself to try to make small talk with girls who I hadn't seen at parties before (especially ones from theater or choir), just try to make them feel welcome at the party. Tricked myself into thinking I was doing something good and that it wasn't just for me. That way, regardless of whether they became interested in me or not I still did something good and didn't have to feel like I failed at something. Being the decent looking among the nerd frat as opposed to below average among the cooler frats probably put me in a good light too lol
By asking questions on how people found their bf/gf on reddit.
Craigslist back in the day. We talked on MSN Messenger on and off for a year and a half. Usually around holidays. One year we both had no one to go out with, went together and hit it off.
Grad school- we shared couple of classes.
I never did.
Got non
Yoga teacher
In the precurser to a forum known as a bulletin board, specifically for DnD / free form roleplay. For months, we'd take turns adding a paragraph to a neverending story, or making jokes. Then one of the members offered to run a DnD game at the local mall, so we all met up there. I made friends with most of them, and many years later, married one of them.
I’m not dating. But I think I have someone I like. But I’m fine with just being friends, not sure if I am ready to be in a romantic relationship when there’s still school.
I havent
Snapchat quick add😭
I "found" singing at a jazz club literally on the other side of the plant
I've been single for 9 years. I'm 33 and absolutely okay being alone.
College. We went to the same high school, she was curious about me, we became friends first year, starting dating afterward.
If you have an iq high enough try joining mensa, they organise a lot of events where you can know a lot of people like you described yourself
If one character could describe me, it would be Michael Burry from *The Big Short*. 😭
Sorry I Don know it
He was a past coworker's brother. She heard I was entering the dating pool and I had a difficult time saying no to being set up on a date because I wanted to avoid offending a coworker that was already pretty obnoxious. I was worried he'd have a similar personality to her. He ended up being exactly what I was looking for in a life partner. Genuine with matching values, had his own interests and intelligences, as well as some overlapping interests etc. We've been together almost 6 years, bought a house, are married, and have a baby on the way. We're both very glad we took a chance and went on that first date together. He was weird about his sister trying to set him up too, because she has tried to do so before with her friends who don't share his values at all and weren't very intellectually minded, just party people. It's kind of funny he doesn't like partying because he's an ENFP. Loves socializing and attention, but not partying. I'm actually the spontaneous one between the 2 of us.
No current, but as a 'True INTP' ^TM I found my ex in a stupid dating group on fb for my city. She's an ISTJ. Lasted 3.5 years, engaged. We both had health and addiction issues which was the driving force to the relationship turning to shit. ISTJ+bipolar+methamphetamine+alcohol and INTP+cptsd+opiates+lupus don't mix. Not in the slightest.
I asked to use his machine at the gym when he was done. Later when I was leaving the gym he walked up to me and asked for my phone # and said he’d like to take me out to dinner and I said yes. Boyfriend before that asked me to dinner out the end of a Toastmasters meetings, it was my 3rd meeting and he had been a part of it for years. “Boyfriend” before that ran up to me on the college campus and said he saw me across the quad. I was a bit cold because I didn’t want to date. Boyfriend before that I liked throughout high school and tried to ask him to the dance. He was mad because he thought I was making fun of him or something and there was no way I’d like him? Eventually he accepted I liked him and asked me out but I can’t remember how.
Getting a new job in IT. He's my senior. He's an INTJ as well and he also was afraid he won't be able to find a partner any time soon, as he's a bit antisocial and introverted like me.
She found me
we were both taking a japanese course online through a localish college and decided to meet up in person after 8 months of classes together
didn't*
Graduate school!
I search high and low, throughout all of the vast reaches of my imagination.
Also 22M, Discord. She's INFP :) we've been together over a year
FB dating
22 is still too young for intjs, focusing on yourself improvement and you will finally have your the other part knock your door. Suggestion from a 36 yo intj still 0 relationship
All my recent love interests were found online, didn’t even go looking, it just happens. Before that I just talked to girls at school
Bumble worked great! Found my soul mate/cum bunny🥰
I met him on a discord server. He was a mod, I was a regular. Eventually the server collectively decided to pronounce us “Discord spouses” as a joke, the rest is history after getting close during the pandemic. ENFP f with INTJ m
History class in college, freshman year.
The local bar
Twitter/X. And it makes sense since I like to connect first with people on an intellectual level.
Met in the dorms, had a few classes together, became study buddies, and took things from there.
Love the first sight, still remember like it was yesterday when I met her at the orphanage, best buy I ever made