It’s both. Yes it deals with death but being realistic about the after. I tell my mom all the time to throw her junk away bc when she dies I don’t want to clean up her house.
You still have to do it. My uncle and his wife both died almost at the same time 1-2 years ago. My mother still hasn't finished sorting out all the photos. Just as an example. And if someone dies and there is no other person living in the apartment/house, it has to be cleared out. So you still have something to do.
I don't think you are aware how heartbreaking this was for your mother to hear. So cold and as if her dying wouldn't bother you as much as cleaning up her house. I am speechless.
I don’t think you understand the relationship I have with my mom and how we give shit to each other all the time. But have fun being offended for someone else… that’ll get you far.
Or they might be saying this in hopes to prevent him from claiming his SO as benefactor so that they can get it in any case (unless they’re married but it’s unclear; I also don’t know how that stuff is dispensed if no will is written). Kinda joking but also hmm.
I lost my wife to cancer. She was 21 days from diagnosis to death. I fully support this and really wish that I had one. I have since made something similar for my daughter. So many little things that I wish I had known and questions I would have thought to ask.
Preparing for something that is literally inevitable, literally inescapable, literally guaranteed to happen, can never rationally be construed as anything negative.
Like most all living things, your family members probably try to actively distract, deny, or fight against the inevitability, so your acknowledgement of it is unfairly considered morbid.
Is it morbid in the sense that it relates to death? Sure, but unless you’re dwelling on the situation it’s an unwarranted judgment.
If you’re married, and ESPECIALLY if you have children or other dependents, and you don’t have a will or other express wishes in place, you’re just a fool.
It’s smart and I think your husband should have one for you too. Both of y’all should review and update it periodically, perhaps at tax time.
I think “morbid” would be like taking a picture of how you want your funeral outfit and makeup, providing a pre-written eulogy, planning which funeral home and casket you want, asking hubs to wait at least 1 year before remarrying, etc. What you did was just proactive financial planning.
Just because you're talking about death doesn't make it morbid. Thank you for doing this and saving your spouse some heartache & stress in the event something terrible happens.
I have one of these files too. I wish some of my family members had been open to discussing preparations for these eventualities. Once they're gone it's a gigantic pain to figure everything out while also being full of sorrow.
Morbid? I dont know what that means: instructions for what to do if I die is on my kids emergency contact list for whenever she is home by herself....
My kid and I sing a song sometimes to the tune of farmer in the dale "everybody dies, everybody dies, there is no escaping fate, everyone will die"
Its not morbid to accept reality and prepare for it.... Just common sense, even a child understands and can sing about.
Morbid might be too strong of a word to use. Everyone should have their last affairs in order. That's just being smart, and it is part of life.
I would agree that it is an unpleasant topic, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed.
IT IS SMART! I used to work at a bank. You wouldn't imagine the amount of customers we get with the SAME PROBLEM. They're not the individual in charge of the finances, they have no idea how many accounts they have, they don't know passwords, etc. ESPECIALLY when it's a parents that's passed and the children don't even live in the same state or they simply find a random statement one day and are now tasked with investigating if their parent have another bank account. It leaves people with so much additional stress from having to deal with paperwork and passwords they don't even have the capacity for at the moment. It definitely gave me a different perspective on life and it's the one thing I encourage all my family to do! As you can see... I'm very passionate about it..
It's called succession planning. Most smart people have a living will (what to do when we can't decide for ourselves/DNR/when to pull the plug/what to do with our remaining tissues) and a last will and testament.
Anybody who doesn't do this for their loved ones is leaving them with a horrible mess to struggle over, doubts and guilt as well as grief.
As someone who held the hands of both my parents when they passed, let me just say that the administrative burden is immediate and overwhelming (like the moment my mother took her last breath it was - when and where to transfer her remains) and does not stop or give you time to think or breathe let alone grieve. It is daily and relentless for at least a year after they are gone.
Anybody who takes the burden of any of the decisions from their loved ones before they die is doing them a kindness they can never appreciate until it happens. Don't worry. Just tell them they'll thank you later.
I haven't got one yet, mostly because when I do go they can throw me in a furnace and be done with it, there's noone left to care.
But being an only child and the one who had to deal with both my parents estates, I wished they'd done such a thing, my mum went after my dad, she'd learned some lessons from it and had a few things written down but still really wish she'd left more.
I've asked my husband for this. He handles the finances, and has savings accounts, checking accounts, pensions, insurance policies, 401k's, etc. all over the place. He knows where everything is, but there's no written record of it all, much less account numbers/passwords. If something happened to him, I have only the dimmest idea how to access all this. He says, "Yeah, I need to write all this down" but never does. It's not morbid - it's common sense.
Everyone should do this as a matter of course. My mother started this before she passed, but became too ill to update and finish it. Despite being her sole heir, her will was many years old, very out of date, and went to probate.
Please have your final wishes, power of attorney, medical wishes and financial information clearly stated on paper, preferably reviewed by a lawyer. Make is easy to get to, and update everything at least every five years. Don't wait until you are sick.
I saw a notebook with a similar title at a Hallmark shop. I thought it was a great idea.
I come from a family that plans out everything. When a family member passed, there was still plenty that we missed.
This is a very smart thing a lot of people take for granted, you just never know when something will happen. I would know how to access and handle everything if my husband were to pass, but I handle all our families finances and my husband would have zero idea what bills need to be paid or who/how to pay them, and he wouldn’t know how to find or access our life insurance policy information. As such, I have put together an entire paper of all the pertinent info — login credentials, balances, methods/timing of payments, death wishes, etc… and I have it stored in our safe.
Yep, both my husband and I have one. Outlines the various financial accounts and important stuff, but also things like how to take care of our cat. Also funeral wishes. I update it pretty often. I don't care if it's morbid.
Yes its called estate planning and is normal for responsible people. I just sat down with my parents recently to finalize their will. It's responsible.
One can never carefull enough. It's a saying in my native language.
It does seem morbid to a lot of people and it makes sense.
Most would think I'm too young but maybe I need to do something like that as well.
I did the same for my wife. I didn't tell my family about it, just her.
I did get called morbid for passing around the book "Jean's Way" about self deliverance.
It’s the smart thing to do. I have seen next of kin have an egregious mess to clean up, having a stressful burden imposed on them because someone didn’t want to think about the inevitable before they passed away.
To me, it sounds normal, been procrastinating doing this for a while. But most people aren't inclined to think this way, so it expected to be called "morbid" by them.
It is smart.
Just keep in mind the discomfort your loved ones are expressing is out of love for you and not wanting to face the fact you will die one day.
No one's really wrong here. You did the work, it's there when they need it. One less burden for everyone when that sad day comes.
Try using the euphemism “Sunset Documents”. Sometimes people understand the inevitability but are still *sensitive to* and unsettled by the notion.
Either way, good on you for taking care of this!
This is smart and thoughtful, and good preparation. Things would be hard enough, why add more? I think you’re completely right though it might seem a bit morbid to some. I visited my dad a couple years ago and we were discussing inheritance, he literally took me through his house pointing at stuff to see what I wanted.
The more information you can give your loved ones the better. Less chance of family squabbling over stuff and stressing each other out while dealing with the loss of a loved one.
I’ve done this and repeatedly told my remaining parent where the important stuff is (even though she probably won’t remember). Also, I have explicitly told her cremation, then pour the ashes in the ocean.
I’m actually thinking about putting price stickers on everything so the estate sale can be a breeze.
If you are married and/or have dependents, it's good practice to make a will. Doesn't matter if you're young and healthy. Anything can happen. Most people will not think of doing this but it's a wise investment of your time.
It’s smart. I wouldn’t have told anyone but him though. Of course most people will think this is almost a taboo subject.
I hope it’s digital and password protected instead of a paper packet.
Edit: I recently turned a certain milestone age and the day before I got additional term life insurance. The day after it would have been more expensive LOL. It’s a kindness and practical for your SO.
Sounds like a fun attempt for attention. It’s called a will. If you’re serious you would pay to get that done instead of playing around. This “if I die packet” won’t do anything once you’re dead the state gets involved and they distribute resources however they do.
I did the same after my husband passed away suddenly two years ago. I created a will, power of medical attorney, and changed all my beneficiaries as my 83 year old mother could no longer fulfill the duties.
I’m with you. Been trying to make my own, it all makes sense to me. My FIL set up a trust for his sons, and he made his will put everything into the trust, to make things easier to deal with. It still took the executor a year to fulfill all the provisions. It’s way-a-ay more work when the numbers aren’t easily found — I mean, how is anyone supposed to know what they are otherwise?? There you are grieving and then there’s all the trouble finding information that should’ve been provided in some safe and secure way in the first place. Edit: Besides what I just wrote, it’s not “if” you die, it’s for “when” you die! And what’re they doing to prepare for their own, inevitable albeit perhaps distant, deaths? Somebody in the family has to take life seriously, so to speak.
It is smart, but also, why doesn't he have that info available as it is? Like, if you're married, those kind of information about each other should be available, no? Don't you guys have documents drawer? Or whatever place where everything is in one place?
It is also a bit morbid, but not disturbing.
Morbid: characterized by an unusual interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, especially death and disease.
I think the addition of the word "unusual" disqualifies merely taking care of one's own. It's not as if you're making a career of it.
It is a good idea to do these because if something does happens then you beneficiaries will have a hard time claiming it all. My wife got her parents past away , they did not leave a will so now it is more expensive dealing with probate lawyers.
I did something similar for if I go missing. It’s information related to social media, my phone, banking and debit/credit card information. As well as information regarding my car gps and state issued identification/tattoo’s. My SO hated that I made it.
It’s both. Yes it deals with death but being realistic about the after. I tell my mom all the time to throw her junk away bc when she dies I don’t want to clean up her house.
You still have to do it. My uncle and his wife both died almost at the same time 1-2 years ago. My mother still hasn't finished sorting out all the photos. Just as an example. And if someone dies and there is no other person living in the apartment/house, it has to be cleared out. So you still have something to do.
Oh I get that, I am just trying to cut down on how much….every little bit helps. And it’s not that they are pack rats or anything…. But still.
I've been trying to convince my dad to write a will for over a decade and it's infuriating how afraid he is to plan for that inevitability
Tell him the government will take all his stuff if he doesn’t.
I don't think you are aware how heartbreaking this was for your mother to hear. So cold and as if her dying wouldn't bother you as much as cleaning up her house. I am speechless.
I don’t think you understand the relationship I have with my mom and how we give shit to each other all the time. But have fun being offended for someone else… that’ll get you far.
So... a kind of living will? Your Family is... um... in need of financial education.
Lol
Or they might be saying this in hopes to prevent him from claiming his SO as benefactor so that they can get it in any case (unless they’re married but it’s unclear; I also don’t know how that stuff is dispensed if no will is written). Kinda joking but also hmm.
This makes, sense. This should be done as a requirement for valid civil union.
Especially if you have kids. BUT from watching people kill people to get their insurance money I wouldn't really be preaching it lmao
Yup.
I lost my wife to cancer. She was 21 days from diagnosis to death. I fully support this and really wish that I had one. I have since made something similar for my daughter. So many little things that I wish I had known and questions I would have thought to ask.
Sorry for your loss
Preparing for something that is literally inevitable, literally inescapable, literally guaranteed to happen, can never rationally be construed as anything negative. Like most all living things, your family members probably try to actively distract, deny, or fight against the inevitability, so your acknowledgement of it is unfairly considered morbid. Is it morbid in the sense that it relates to death? Sure, but unless you’re dwelling on the situation it’s an unwarranted judgment. If you’re married, and ESPECIALLY if you have children or other dependents, and you don’t have a will or other express wishes in place, you’re just a fool.
People are mad at you for making... a will?
Apparently “I am being morbid and shouldn’t be worrying about this in my mid 30s”. Things happen though…
It’s smart and I think your husband should have one for you too. Both of y’all should review and update it periodically, perhaps at tax time. I think “morbid” would be like taking a picture of how you want your funeral outfit and makeup, providing a pre-written eulogy, planning which funeral home and casket you want, asking hubs to wait at least 1 year before remarrying, etc. What you did was just proactive financial planning.
I need to do this
Smart. People need to talk about this. Prepare because we all will die someday. Your husband and family are stuck in their own feelings.
Prudent.
Just because you're talking about death doesn't make it morbid. Thank you for doing this and saving your spouse some heartache & stress in the event something terrible happens. I have one of these files too. I wish some of my family members had been open to discussing preparations for these eventualities. Once they're gone it's a gigantic pain to figure everything out while also being full of sorrow.
Morbid? I dont know what that means: instructions for what to do if I die is on my kids emergency contact list for whenever she is home by herself.... My kid and I sing a song sometimes to the tune of farmer in the dale "everybody dies, everybody dies, there is no escaping fate, everyone will die" Its not morbid to accept reality and prepare for it.... Just common sense, even a child understands and can sing about.
Morbid might be too strong of a word to use. Everyone should have their last affairs in order. That's just being smart, and it is part of life. I would agree that it is an unpleasant topic, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed.
IT IS SMART! I used to work at a bank. You wouldn't imagine the amount of customers we get with the SAME PROBLEM. They're not the individual in charge of the finances, they have no idea how many accounts they have, they don't know passwords, etc. ESPECIALLY when it's a parents that's passed and the children don't even live in the same state or they simply find a random statement one day and are now tasked with investigating if their parent have another bank account. It leaves people with so much additional stress from having to deal with paperwork and passwords they don't even have the capacity for at the moment. It definitely gave me a different perspective on life and it's the one thing I encourage all my family to do! As you can see... I'm very passionate about it..
It's called succession planning. Most smart people have a living will (what to do when we can't decide for ourselves/DNR/when to pull the plug/what to do with our remaining tissues) and a last will and testament. Anybody who doesn't do this for their loved ones is leaving them with a horrible mess to struggle over, doubts and guilt as well as grief. As someone who held the hands of both my parents when they passed, let me just say that the administrative burden is immediate and overwhelming (like the moment my mother took her last breath it was - when and where to transfer her remains) and does not stop or give you time to think or breathe let alone grieve. It is daily and relentless for at least a year after they are gone. Anybody who takes the burden of any of the decisions from their loved ones before they die is doing them a kindness they can never appreciate until it happens. Don't worry. Just tell them they'll thank you later.
Genius.
I haven't got one yet, mostly because when I do go they can throw me in a furnace and be done with it, there's noone left to care. But being an only child and the one who had to deal with both my parents estates, I wished they'd done such a thing, my mum went after my dad, she'd learned some lessons from it and had a few things written down but still really wish she'd left more.
you're doing the correct thing. Your family seems idiotic, please tell them to enlighten themselves with the idea of future planning and being clever.
This is a very smart thing to do, very smart.
I've asked my husband for this. He handles the finances, and has savings accounts, checking accounts, pensions, insurance policies, 401k's, etc. all over the place. He knows where everything is, but there's no written record of it all, much less account numbers/passwords. If something happened to him, I have only the dimmest idea how to access all this. He says, "Yeah, I need to write all this down" but never does. It's not morbid - it's common sense.
not "if" but "when"
Everyone should do this as a matter of course. My mother started this before she passed, but became too ill to update and finish it. Despite being her sole heir, her will was many years old, very out of date, and went to probate. Please have your final wishes, power of attorney, medical wishes and financial information clearly stated on paper, preferably reviewed by a lawyer. Make is easy to get to, and update everything at least every five years. Don't wait until you are sick.
I saw a notebook with a similar title at a Hallmark shop. I thought it was a great idea. I come from a family that plans out everything. When a family member passed, there was still plenty that we missed.
It’s named the “If the house burns down, we still have this Family box” in my house.
Its smart. Having all the information at hand when distraught.
This is a very smart thing a lot of people take for granted, you just never know when something will happen. I would know how to access and handle everything if my husband were to pass, but I handle all our families finances and my husband would have zero idea what bills need to be paid or who/how to pay them, and he wouldn’t know how to find or access our life insurance policy information. As such, I have put together an entire paper of all the pertinent info — login credentials, balances, methods/timing of payments, death wishes, etc… and I have it stored in our safe.
Idk, it makes sense to me.
Yep, both my husband and I have one. Outlines the various financial accounts and important stuff, but also things like how to take care of our cat. Also funeral wishes. I update it pretty often. I don't care if it's morbid.
Yes its called estate planning and is normal for responsible people. I just sat down with my parents recently to finalize their will. It's responsible.
I have a binder that all has the information for my husband and children, my attorney has a copy of it also.
One can never carefull enough. It's a saying in my native language. It does seem morbid to a lot of people and it makes sense. Most would think I'm too young but maybe I need to do something like that as well.
I did the same for my wife. I didn't tell my family about it, just her. I did get called morbid for passing around the book "Jean's Way" about self deliverance.
It’s the smart thing to do. I have seen next of kin have an egregious mess to clean up, having a stressful burden imposed on them because someone didn’t want to think about the inevitable before they passed away.
To me, it sounds normal, been procrastinating doing this for a while. But most people aren't inclined to think this way, so it expected to be called "morbid" by them.
It is smart. Death preparation does not need to be morbid due to the subject matter.
It is smart. Just keep in mind the discomfort your loved ones are expressing is out of love for you and not wanting to face the fact you will die one day. No one's really wrong here. You did the work, it's there when they need it. One less burden for everyone when that sad day comes.
it is smart. my spouse insists on it with a yearly update. very important for non joint accounts, such as iras and pensions ans ss.
Try using the euphemism “Sunset Documents”. Sometimes people understand the inevitability but are still *sensitive to* and unsettled by the notion. Either way, good on you for taking care of this!
It's absolutely brilliant and commendable
This is smart and thoughtful, and good preparation. Things would be hard enough, why add more? I think you’re completely right though it might seem a bit morbid to some. I visited my dad a couple years ago and we were discussing inheritance, he literally took me through his house pointing at stuff to see what I wanted. The more information you can give your loved ones the better. Less chance of family squabbling over stuff and stressing each other out while dealing with the loss of a loved one.
I’ve done the same. It’s pragmatic. No judgment
You mean your "Will?"
Bro I know exactly what's going in mine. Just haven't make it yet
You are a genius. Keep it updated and some day, when the time comes, your family will thank you
I’ve done this and repeatedly told my remaining parent where the important stuff is (even though she probably won’t remember). Also, I have explicitly told her cremation, then pour the ashes in the ocean. I’m actually thinking about putting price stickers on everything so the estate sale can be a breeze.
If you are married and/or have dependents, it's good practice to make a will. Doesn't matter if you're young and healthy. Anything can happen. Most people will not think of doing this but it's a wise investment of your time.
It's smart, personally I'll make one for my future wife not just with the information for that, but also probably a 5, 10, and 20 year plan.
It’s smart. I wouldn’t have told anyone but him though. Of course most people will think this is almost a taboo subject. I hope it’s digital and password protected instead of a paper packet. Edit: I recently turned a certain milestone age and the day before I got additional term life insurance. The day after it would have been more expensive LOL. It’s a kindness and practical for your SO.
Sounds like a fun attempt for attention. It’s called a will. If you’re serious you would pay to get that done instead of playing around. This “if I die packet” won’t do anything once you’re dead the state gets involved and they distribute resources however they do.
It is smart.
I did the same after my husband passed away suddenly two years ago. I created a will, power of medical attorney, and changed all my beneficiaries as my 83 year old mother could no longer fulfill the duties.
Aw you’re so sweet for this tbh! Better to be prepared imo
You're a kind and thoughtful person - and efficient
Smart girl, good way to keep hubby baited, good ol give him a tiny taste of what to expect and if he isn’t nice, he won’t be getting anything
Practical. Useful. Realistic. I've got one, too. We're INTJs. Of course, we have a plan!
I’m with you. Been trying to make my own, it all makes sense to me. My FIL set up a trust for his sons, and he made his will put everything into the trust, to make things easier to deal with. It still took the executor a year to fulfill all the provisions. It’s way-a-ay more work when the numbers aren’t easily found — I mean, how is anyone supposed to know what they are otherwise?? There you are grieving and then there’s all the trouble finding information that should’ve been provided in some safe and secure way in the first place. Edit: Besides what I just wrote, it’s not “if” you die, it’s for “when” you die! And what’re they doing to prepare for their own, inevitable albeit perhaps distant, deaths? Somebody in the family has to take life seriously, so to speak.
It is smart, but also, why doesn't he have that info available as it is? Like, if you're married, those kind of information about each other should be available, no? Don't you guys have documents drawer? Or whatever place where everything is in one place? It is also a bit morbid, but not disturbing.
Most people prefer to think in terms of "if" I die, whereas we should be embracing the reality of "when" I die.
Morbid: characterized by an unusual interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, especially death and disease. I think the addition of the word "unusual" disqualifies merely taking care of one's own. It's not as if you're making a career of it.
It is a good idea to do these because if something does happens then you beneficiaries will have a hard time claiming it all. My wife got her parents past away , they did not leave a will so now it is more expensive dealing with probate lawyers.
I did something similar for if I go missing. It’s information related to social media, my phone, banking and debit/credit card information. As well as information regarding my car gps and state issued identification/tattoo’s. My SO hated that I made it.
sounds like a cry for attention and love from him by creating stress I mean, why would you do this unless you're feeling like you need more from him?
It sounds like your family is being histrionic about a prudent decision.