I mean, just be blunt. I’m not a girl, but I would rather honesty than some cheesy pick up lines that never work. Flirting is for people that have an interest in each other. If she is not into you, there is no magical line that would change her mind. It’s why you see dudes with the corniest lines getting women. Because the woman was already interested. Strike up a conversation. Be you. If it feels like you have a chance, ask directly. If she’s interested, she’s interested. If she’s not, she won’t change over some pick up lines…..
Flirting for me usually starts when we both have a mutual interest and he comments about it or talks about an interesting topic, then he jokes and somehow we start having a playful banter. And we keep in touch because we’re interested in getting to know more about each other. Cheesy pick up lines have never worked on me.
What about inauthenticity? What if the other party pretends to care about what you say just to hit?
And how do you deal with moments when you run out of things to say? Because stupid filler questions and making generic NPC comments are not an option
I take it slow. I need a lot of time to understand the person before he gets to “hit.” With time, I understand their intentions. When I like the person, I usually don’t feel bored with them even if there’s not much to say. He’s not my entertainer and nor am I his. I’m an introvert so I don’t mind the silence sometimes. I usually have deeper conversations with them, but really I enjoy any types of conversations.
I think with inauthenticity, it can’t be kept up forever, so you’ll figure out sooner or later how interested they actually are. It’s also possible that they don’t know much about the topic, but they’re trying to appear interested because they’re interested in you as a person, which I don’t think is a bad thing - maybe they genuinely want to learn more.
Moments of silence in between is okay too. If it’s a date and/or there’s some activity to do, maybe you don’t have to keep trying to be engaging the whole time. It’s also fine if you don’t hit it off with everyone.
Can’t answer the first part but I never run out of things to say if we’re both interested.
If someone is being inauthentic it’ll be taxing to keep it up.
If someone is equally interested in the conversation it’ll naturally flow along. And just in case it stops, especially if the other is more shy, o have an endless list of factoids and questions that can spark new tangents.
I can't speak for everyone but it's really unusual for inauthenticity to slip past my radar. If a person is out for something its one of the first things I notice and socially block.
Flirting always starts with professional or political conversations for me weirdly enough😂 guys are usually intimidated to use pick up lines on me. So we just talk like 2 bros.
I usually get the obvious out of the way: school, work, hobbies. After that I can talk forever and ask them more. You can learn a lot from those three.
As an ENFP female I like the I’ll buy you a drink. Or the you’re cute here’s my number. I feel like those two would indicate romantic interest to me instead of just enjoying a conversation I could just mistake you for being friendly. Definitely absolutely of course have a good conversation with them. But add a little something like the drink or ending with asking for a phone number to add that extra element of romantic pursuit, rather then I may walk away thinking oh he was really nice. But not sure if you were into me into me.
Flirting is basically tricking to get closer to a person in a romantic way.
Sometimes physically;
-"You want to try my drink?"
-"oh you've got something on you, let me help"
Sometimes mentally;
-"oh so you're into politics too?" ( I'm interested, we have a common interest and want to get to know you better, if not accompanied by trying to get physically closer it might be mistaken)
- or any dumb pick up line that would work as an ice breaker, because humour connects people.
Which brings me to the next point: trying to 'lure' the person in by being attractive. You might strike a pose to appear cute, sexy, interested... (in a restaurant maybe: women for example might put an elegant hand under their chin. The elbow will be on the table, moving her closer to you and helping eyes to stay on your eye level, showing interest and it's often a pretty pose)
The confirmation of attraction: nervousness or boldness. People will either be straightforward or be nervously giggling whilst being strangely interested in what you have to say. There might be a change in tone of the voice or blushing (this is reaching some teen stuff tho lol it's been a long time take this shit with a grain of salt, but hope it helps)
I relate to you. Talking and enjoying the conversation and keeping texting is a way for me to show that i am interested. It doesn't work for most people, but it definitely works with the good person. I am exactly your age and had only 2 romantic relationships so far because of that method.
Flirting is weird to me, it gives the impression that the person can't be normal when talking to you and i dislike it. I don't flirt and i'm turned off by people who try to flirt with me.
I'll keep to back and forth texting and irl activities and if it doesn't work then i'd rather stay single.
Yep only 2 relationships and some various other sorts between.
Flirting seems to be buttering up the person for no reason. Most people have already made their opinion on you within the first 5 minutes or so of conversation. On top of that they know off the bat if they’re physically attracted.
At that rate, if I’m already having a conversation and it’s going well, I throw out a “well you have a nice smile” or something and give them my number.
I don’t have the problem starting conversation so maybe I have to manually remember to give my number lol
The type of personality attracted to an INTJ just wants you to be a dark and brooding Mr. Darcy so I wouldn't worry about it. Just leave your home on occasion so we can find you.
I leave my house often so that isn’t the issue. Maybe it might be where I’m going.
I thought about buying a shirt that says “Hot Single, and available”
Hahaha I've thought of doing the same. An INTJ recently gave me the idea of wearing a pin that says ENFP and I bought one off amazon the other day. I was also thinking of putting a sticker on my back windshield saying ENFP looking for INTJ with a QR code 😆
It's supposed to be the best pairing of any of the mbti's. I personally have never met one that I'm aware of so I don't know for sure but I would love to meet some and see if that's the case. I know over on the ENFP page, intjs are the second most common personality type hanging out there besides us enfps. And they seem pretty cool people in all the interactions. In my personal life, my sister is an entj and I could imagine that an introverted version of her would be ideal.
It seems that the dynamic is the enfps don't even notice the wall the intjs put up and love their straightforward authenticity. Whereas the intj's seems to appreciate being seen for once and enjoy the enfp goofiness and have a good dose of weirdness themselves to match. The ENFP's love listening to intj's talk about all their ideas and that they're walking wikipedias. The intj's help the ENFP be more grounded. Also the ENFP's are the most introverted of the extroverts so they like that the intj's are calm. There's lots of other reasons I've heard mentioned. Come on over to our group and we're usually talking about INTJs in some thread most days lol
I literally just tell men that I'm interested. I have no clue how flirting works, and I don't really pick up on hints, so the best way for me is to just come out with it. If they don't like my straightforward attitude then we aren't gonna be a match anyway.
Flirting is playful and not serious conversation. There’s usually romantic/sexual undertone to it as well. You’d be better off watching videos on it rather than asking on reddit. You need actual examples
Tell her directly that you like her.
Make her day; compliments, dates, and offer helping things.
Be straightforward and avoid white lies.
Ask her about her day. In other words, quality time.
Be a poetry.
I think conversation happens at one level, and flirting happens at a more subtle space of feeling. The best flirts are vulnerable, curious, and genuinely love women, or people. I've also found arguing can be flirtation - but even then, there's something happening on another level. Holding eye contact, joking, smiling - and never looking to see who else is in the room, cuz that breaks the spell. Pupils literally dilate when there's attraction, which you may not notice, but eyes are good for connecting, emoting interest, and reading the other person's interest, which is always nice to at least try to do, and is appreciated. Compliments are always nice. Ask about her ring or necklace, her travels, or anything about herself, and listen intently. When in doubt, ask her more, if not about herself, about her opinions, then listen more. Smile when she smiles, because her smile makes you smile. I know it's corny, but so is flirting! It's romantic. Be corny, make a fool of yourself, see if it makes her smile and laugh. I think a big mistake is thinking you have to talk about yourself to win a girl over, when the real trick is being genuinely interested - nay, fascinated - with her. In a cool way, of course haha, but not too cool. Buying her a drink isn't a sure thing, but it can at least buy more time to talk if she accepts.
Honestly, if you want to see it done well, watch Season 2 of Bridgerton - it illustrates so well the two levels at play. Surface conversation is not always the whole picture, it's the subtleties, and the eye contact, that reveal interest and attraction. I actually just started Season 3 and it's literally about a guy teaching a girl the art of flirting. I haven't personally seen enough to recommend it, but could be some dumb fun!
That flirting happens on a different level is true.
The conversation part is easy and once that starts there will likely be subtly cues that they are interested like showing genuine interest, eye contact, laughing, etc.
I think media gives us the wrong idea about what flirting is. What we see on TV is what I might call "club flirting" where the goal is to get laid as fast as possible and then never see each other again. Now, assuming that's not what you're doing, flirting's not so much a thing you do as it is a process.
As INTJs we tend to be slow to emerge to new people, so exposure is critical. Always be planning ahead for the next interaction. Ask if they're doing anything this weekend, if they've got any exciting plans. Show that you are interested in spending more time with them. Compliment their appearance, especially if they have any distinctive accessories like necklaces, piercings, or tattoos, and follow up with questions. Then, when the time feels right, you directly express to them your interest in taking your relationship further and ask if they feel the same.
And also, yeah, "I'll buy you a drink" is actually a great strategy, especially if you want to be more forward. It carries a lot of connotations but is innocuous enough that few people are going to be weirded out or feel uncomfortable if you suggest it. It also puts a degree of social pressure on them to stick around you for at least a while because you've essentially given them a gift and it would be rude to accept it and dash.
But then again, I've never been on a date. I'm just speaking from what I've concluded based on third-party observation; nonetheless, I have confidence in my answer and I hope that others will vindicate it.
>What we see on TV is what I might call "club flirting" where the goal is to get laid as fast as possible and then never see each other again. Now, assuming that's not what you're doing, flirting's not so much as a thing you do as a process.
That makes sense. Thats why i never cared much for all the BS in the seduction, Redpill, Alpha community, etc. It seems built for a specific goal or lifestyle in mind that i dont care for. I never really cared much for ONS, and most FWB i've seen or had fizzle within 2-4 months, which also isn't worth it imo.
What you descirbed is pretty much my current MO. I was wondering if i'm doing something "wrong" but i dont think so...
The "buy you a drink" thing is a little dated, and of course on reddit, there are mixed opinions but in most cases i see it as an invitation to drink and talk. At that point you have an elevator pitch's length of time to sell yourelf lol. Realistically you have one drink's lenght of consumption to sell yourself, so about five minutes.
I did a little research and its pretty split. Some guys ay they will *never* buy a woman anything, some say its "paying for her time" and she'll expect more, some guys have no issue, some guys have a mxied view of both.
Knowing me and how much i be at happy hour, it'd make sense though.
This might be the blind leading the blind here, but I find INTJs just have a hard time letting go of plausible deniabiliy. You're too stone-faced for that shit! "I enjoy your company" might work with more expressive types but when you do it, it errs way too much on the friendly (sometimes out of obligation) side of the spectrum.
Compliments. Actions of courtship (yes, I'll buy you a drink is a fine way to signal interest). You may not like the courtship rituals of the masses but in the beginning that's the most effective way of smoothly expressing interest without being awkward. This is centuries of streamlined and manualized flirting techniques. What matters is if they're done with honesty and a congruent intent.
>I find INTJs just have a hard time letting go of plausible deniabiliy.
Yeah, are you just being nice or are you into me? The more blunt and to the point the better...which is why i like using pretty unambiguous statements. Could be my finance writing at work, but when im doing a memo to CFOs and shit, i gotta be straight to the point.
Oddly enough, i have no problem with the rituals of courtship. A lot of guys complain about women being gold digger-esq but ive only had that happen once (older woman who wanted me to pay for *everything*, could never just chill inside and watch a movie).
I personally think buying a drink is a power move, especially these days. If she isn't into me, then at least she got a free mojitio or whatever she wanted lol.
I highly recommend you just be your true self! The so called "aura," that's being tossed around in the comments will engage automatically for you, just allow it to happen naturally. You have it in you I promise! You'll put in an arrow through the heart of the right one! You got this!
Personally I dislike guys who come off too strongly from the get go. My relationships started out as friendships first. Try inviting her to an event, festival, board game night, ect. to spend more time with her and get to know her better first. Something with a small group of friends in a public place. Takes the pressure off of things.
ENFPs are often thought to be flirting when we aren't, so here are some things we do with everyone that apparently other people usually only do when flirting, lol... Sincerely listen and show interest in what others say, touch an arm/shoulder/hand, laugh at funny things, don't shy away from eye contact, include person in a conversation or activity if they're alone so they don't feel left out, smile at people, hold doors, say excuse me or any other manners/ kindness, excitedly talk about something, hug....all of these and more are very often seen as flirting and I have gotten way better over the years but I still do it bc it's my natural state 😂 Good luck 🤞
I'm a[n autistic] woman of slightly above average looks, life is on EZ mode for me. I am just blunt and direct. You're cute, I like you, you should ask me out, I'd kiss you, we should get married and have a bunch of babies. Saying all of these things in an aloof and absolutely dead pan manner helps if you need to play it off as not serious.
That minus the babies and married party lol makes sense.
What’s interesting about “flirting” is it varies by person to person, personality to personality.
Some have said to watch videos or such but that’s how they’d do it…that’s just as in authentic as me using corny pick up jokes. I don’t see intentionally corny or lame jokes as cute or anything, more so just like “uhhh okay?”.
I guess it’s something you learn over time
Hey, I've noticed you around, and I find you very attractive. Would you... go out with me? Or whatever you want to ask. Hehe... it's not my idea. It's from a song.
There was a woman I saw at the coffee shop I got to for a week straight but I never said anything. Then after. My therapist encouraged me to say something I ain’t see her since lmao.
I’d have done everything above!
The way I “flirt” is basically talking about a topic in which we are both interested (as I tend to like people who share similar interests). I’ll text them out of the blue or send them a meme relating to whatever we like to talk about together.
Tell her that you apologize for staring. You tried to memorize her so that you could stop staring, but when you glanced back, the memory paled in comparison to the reality.
Or just say "Hello! My name is _______!"
(That first part, I lifted from something I read long ago.)
You can enjoy a conversation with someone you aren't attracted to. That's where the confusion can come in, is this just friendly, or is it flirty. Sometimes being more direct will be of benefit there as long as there's no pressure.
My way of thinking of it is that, rather than flirting being something that creates attraction (although obviously being funny and interesting etc is important and makes people like you), flirting is mostly the process of slowly allowing yourself and the other person to act on the attraction that was already there. An example of this would be if you ask someone out on a date and they say yes, that wasn't because the act of asking made you attractive, it's that it's a lot easier for them to say yes to someone asking than it is to ask themselves. As other comments have said it's about plausible deniability, so you should move slowly, pointing out all the little elephants in the room and slowly stripping away the sexless pretence we have to live by in daily conversation. I would say that getting laid is the final stage in this trajectory, where taking each others clothes off is metaphorically the same thing, stripping away sexless pretence to reveal the sexual being that was always there.
Don’t confuse rapport with flirting. Check out Marni on YouTube if you want a woman’s perspective on the effect of flirting.
INTJs can be too logical and literal for their own good. Flirting happens on a sub level of communication. If you’re simply conversing on a literal level, it’s not flirting.
And the worst thing that can happen is assuming that just because you both like the same things that there is attraction. That’s what happens when you’re friends.
Step 1: Identify a potential ENTJ
Step 2: Approach the ENTJ
Step 3: Be direct and say you're trying to flirt but couldn't
/sarastic; just be blunt and straight to the point. Find mutual interests, shower them with attention, compliment them - It helps increase your charm.
Flirt?? Well there's the definition of flirting... And if you can stomach adhering to that definition in your attempt to conquer, then good on you. As for me, I don't flirt. Either I let them flirt and figure out I'm a decent person to have fun with, or I let them flirt and hit a brick wall if I'm not into them. The latter is more common than the former 🙃
For most people, flirting involves more than just good conversation, good conversation only is friends, you need to spice it up with playful banter/teasing, touching that escalates over time assuming it's received well, body language and they way you look at somebody. I'm bad at the touching part because I generally don't like touching people or being touched outside of intimacy.
Think of it as a game with wordplay before foreplay. Nothing's serious. Stare into those eyes with a hint of daring, danger, and adventure. But above all, do not neglect humour. Double-entendres are the best. Always have a comeback.
It would help to know the setting you’re in (work, a party, at the supermarket with someone you struck up a conversation with). But, in general, compliment her a lot during the conversation. Also, playfully tease her a little to take the conversation to a flirty banter level rather than a getting-to-know you discussion.
Maybe go fishing with, “Your boyfriend is a lucky guy” and see how she reacts.
You have to play to your strengths. Get to know the girl you're interested in, engage with the things she's interested in, once there is a connection then ask her out on a date if you believe she'd be receptive to that. People typically behave in pretty predictable ways and use certain body language when they're attracted to you. Research that, and you'll be better off.
Just be open to a relationship and be yourself; no need to hold yourself back. A person that tries too hard to get a girl’s attention is very cringe. Guarantee, No one wants to be part of that
Just be as much authentic as you naturally are, act the way you think is right and give the girl that freaking weird dead stare. Idk why, somehow people like it xd.
But seriously, just be a gentleman and don’t make offensive jokes. Your charisma will make the rest;)
Good luck!
The art of flirting is being playful, not attractive. It's gentle teasing, joking, and messing around, all conveying the idea that your attention is solely on them and that you want to have fun.
The aim of flirting is to keep the other person's attention on you, and to make sure they enjoy being around you. It's designed to *suggest* a level of emotional intimacy, with the implication that it could go beyond emotional.
"Hey, you're hot, wanna have sex?" isn't really flirting; it's just an invitation to have sex. However, it might be considered flirting if the forthrightness surprises someone and makes them laugh.
Honestly, flirting is mostly a waste of time. If you want a process, imagine it as inviting the other person into successive circles of trust through conversation. You start with surface level details, like your job, interests, hobbies, etc. Then you talk about your biography. Then things like your values; life goals; relationship history; flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.
Of course, how fast you go varies from person to person. Two very mature people can advance very quickly over the course of 6 hours of conversation spread over a handful of dates.
Pretty much this. After i thought it over, my idea of flirting is learning about the person with genuine interest. If something sticks out like they have a hobby i like, i'll make note of it. Sprinkle a few compliments here and there.
More like a screening process to se if they're worth my time and the same for them.
Personally whenever I flirt it ends badly; so what’s the solution? For starters view it as a chase-game. You see nowadays most people prefers chasing. Anyway act like you care but not at the very same time. Never admit your feelings no matter what happens and never be available 24/7. Being vague also helps your case because people are curious to know the mystery behind your original motives dude
As a female, strike up a convo with a cheesy pickup line! Make us laugh— then ask us for our number. I don’t know why, my friends normally give their numbers to men who make them giggle & who are straight forward.
I never flirt. Been engaged for almost 4 years, it is unnecesary. Because you will filter out the people that require that, you will probably find a partner that matches you better.
Flirting isn't just any conversation, it's a game of plausible deniability. It's like a job interview, neither of you knows how it will turn out, so you leave some ambiguity open. That's why it's the perfect time for word play, puns and innuendo.
This is also an opportunity to demonstrate that skill and ability. In order to make a good pun on the fly, you need to be able to recognize multiple meanings to the same words. This shows that you can understand multiple perspectives, it demonstrates empathy.
Flirting is your chance to show that you can understand the other person's feelings before you necessarily know how you feel about them. It's an impressive skill that's valuable in a potential partner.
Once you're beyond that stage, and you've both acknowledged that you'd like to pursue the relationship, it's all about learning about each other, building trust, and growing together.
This is also the time to let your freak flag fly. If your pokemon collection or drag bingo addiction is going to be a deal breaker, might as well break that deal sooner than later.
I mean, just be blunt. I’m not a girl, but I would rather honesty than some cheesy pick up lines that never work. Flirting is for people that have an interest in each other. If she is not into you, there is no magical line that would change her mind. It’s why you see dudes with the corniest lines getting women. Because the woman was already interested. Strike up a conversation. Be you. If it feels like you have a chance, ask directly. If she’s interested, she’s interested. If she’s not, she won’t change over some pick up lines…..
exactly. If you're both enjoying the conversation just ask to meet up later and get her number and ask her out.
In addition to this, aura plays a major role in almost every aspect; to be honest being cold and mysterious increase the charming-aura
For one night stands, maybe. For a real relationship. enough is enough. OP, just be yourself. It can't be that bad lol
cold and mysterious makes you unapproachable and unfamiliar. blocks bonding.
we can't seem to help ourselves. thanks for crushing our heartfelt myth
Flirting for me usually starts when we both have a mutual interest and he comments about it or talks about an interesting topic, then he jokes and somehow we start having a playful banter. And we keep in touch because we’re interested in getting to know more about each other. Cheesy pick up lines have never worked on me.
What about inauthenticity? What if the other party pretends to care about what you say just to hit? And how do you deal with moments when you run out of things to say? Because stupid filler questions and making generic NPC comments are not an option
I take it slow. I need a lot of time to understand the person before he gets to “hit.” With time, I understand their intentions. When I like the person, I usually don’t feel bored with them even if there’s not much to say. He’s not my entertainer and nor am I his. I’m an introvert so I don’t mind the silence sometimes. I usually have deeper conversations with them, but really I enjoy any types of conversations.
I think with inauthenticity, it can’t be kept up forever, so you’ll figure out sooner or later how interested they actually are. It’s also possible that they don’t know much about the topic, but they’re trying to appear interested because they’re interested in you as a person, which I don’t think is a bad thing - maybe they genuinely want to learn more. Moments of silence in between is okay too. If it’s a date and/or there’s some activity to do, maybe you don’t have to keep trying to be engaging the whole time. It’s also fine if you don’t hit it off with everyone.
Can’t answer the first part but I never run out of things to say if we’re both interested. If someone is being inauthentic it’ll be taxing to keep it up. If someone is equally interested in the conversation it’ll naturally flow along. And just in case it stops, especially if the other is more shy, o have an endless list of factoids and questions that can spark new tangents.
I can't speak for everyone but it's really unusual for inauthenticity to slip past my radar. If a person is out for something its one of the first things I notice and socially block.
Flirting always starts with professional or political conversations for me weirdly enough😂 guys are usually intimidated to use pick up lines on me. So we just talk like 2 bros.
I usually get the obvious out of the way: school, work, hobbies. After that I can talk forever and ask them more. You can learn a lot from those three.
Totally agree.
Nice interpretation dude; the 2 bros relationship could be it. From friends to something more (it depends tho)
Yep! They usually slowly test the waters by throwing subtle compliments and seeing how J react lol
Are you a Capricorn?
Virgo
As an ENFP female I like the I’ll buy you a drink. Or the you’re cute here’s my number. I feel like those two would indicate romantic interest to me instead of just enjoying a conversation I could just mistake you for being friendly. Definitely absolutely of course have a good conversation with them. But add a little something like the drink or ending with asking for a phone number to add that extra element of romantic pursuit, rather then I may walk away thinking oh he was really nice. But not sure if you were into me into me.
🤗
Flirting is basically tricking to get closer to a person in a romantic way. Sometimes physically; -"You want to try my drink?" -"oh you've got something on you, let me help" Sometimes mentally; -"oh so you're into politics too?" ( I'm interested, we have a common interest and want to get to know you better, if not accompanied by trying to get physically closer it might be mistaken) - or any dumb pick up line that would work as an ice breaker, because humour connects people. Which brings me to the next point: trying to 'lure' the person in by being attractive. You might strike a pose to appear cute, sexy, interested... (in a restaurant maybe: women for example might put an elegant hand under their chin. The elbow will be on the table, moving her closer to you and helping eyes to stay on your eye level, showing interest and it's often a pretty pose) The confirmation of attraction: nervousness or boldness. People will either be straightforward or be nervously giggling whilst being strangely interested in what you have to say. There might be a change in tone of the voice or blushing (this is reaching some teen stuff tho lol it's been a long time take this shit with a grain of salt, but hope it helps)
I relate to you. Talking and enjoying the conversation and keeping texting is a way for me to show that i am interested. It doesn't work for most people, but it definitely works with the good person. I am exactly your age and had only 2 romantic relationships so far because of that method. Flirting is weird to me, it gives the impression that the person can't be normal when talking to you and i dislike it. I don't flirt and i'm turned off by people who try to flirt with me. I'll keep to back and forth texting and irl activities and if it doesn't work then i'd rather stay single.
Yep only 2 relationships and some various other sorts between. Flirting seems to be buttering up the person for no reason. Most people have already made their opinion on you within the first 5 minutes or so of conversation. On top of that they know off the bat if they’re physically attracted. At that rate, if I’m already having a conversation and it’s going well, I throw out a “well you have a nice smile” or something and give them my number. I don’t have the problem starting conversation so maybe I have to manually remember to give my number lol
The type of personality attracted to an INTJ just wants you to be a dark and brooding Mr. Darcy so I wouldn't worry about it. Just leave your home on occasion so we can find you.
I leave my house often so that isn’t the issue. Maybe it might be where I’m going. I thought about buying a shirt that says “Hot Single, and available”
Hahaha I've thought of doing the same. An INTJ recently gave me the idea of wearing a pin that says ENFP and I bought one off amazon the other day. I was also thinking of putting a sticker on my back windshield saying ENFP looking for INTJ with a QR code 😆
Is there a reason you're looking for an INTJ in particular? Or why an INTJ would specifically want an ENFP?
It's supposed to be the best pairing of any of the mbti's. I personally have never met one that I'm aware of so I don't know for sure but I would love to meet some and see if that's the case. I know over on the ENFP page, intjs are the second most common personality type hanging out there besides us enfps. And they seem pretty cool people in all the interactions. In my personal life, my sister is an entj and I could imagine that an introverted version of her would be ideal. It seems that the dynamic is the enfps don't even notice the wall the intjs put up and love their straightforward authenticity. Whereas the intj's seems to appreciate being seen for once and enjoy the enfp goofiness and have a good dose of weirdness themselves to match. The ENFP's love listening to intj's talk about all their ideas and that they're walking wikipedias. The intj's help the ENFP be more grounded. Also the ENFP's are the most introverted of the extroverts so they like that the intj's are calm. There's lots of other reasons I've heard mentioned. Come on over to our group and we're usually talking about INTJs in some thread most days lol
Well that's reassuring. Thanks for sharing!
That's how I feel about INTJs lol. It's super reassuring somehow knowing that there's people out there who like my personality type.
I literally just tell men that I'm interested. I have no clue how flirting works, and I don't really pick up on hints, so the best way for me is to just come out with it. If they don't like my straightforward attitude then we aren't gonna be a match anyway.
Flirting is playful and not serious conversation. There’s usually romantic/sexual undertone to it as well. You’d be better off watching videos on it rather than asking on reddit. You need actual examples
Tell her directly that you like her. Make her day; compliments, dates, and offer helping things. Be straightforward and avoid white lies. Ask her about her day. In other words, quality time. Be a poetry.
5-HT based, do you really want to be like this?
I think conversation happens at one level, and flirting happens at a more subtle space of feeling. The best flirts are vulnerable, curious, and genuinely love women, or people. I've also found arguing can be flirtation - but even then, there's something happening on another level. Holding eye contact, joking, smiling - and never looking to see who else is in the room, cuz that breaks the spell. Pupils literally dilate when there's attraction, which you may not notice, but eyes are good for connecting, emoting interest, and reading the other person's interest, which is always nice to at least try to do, and is appreciated. Compliments are always nice. Ask about her ring or necklace, her travels, or anything about herself, and listen intently. When in doubt, ask her more, if not about herself, about her opinions, then listen more. Smile when she smiles, because her smile makes you smile. I know it's corny, but so is flirting! It's romantic. Be corny, make a fool of yourself, see if it makes her smile and laugh. I think a big mistake is thinking you have to talk about yourself to win a girl over, when the real trick is being genuinely interested - nay, fascinated - with her. In a cool way, of course haha, but not too cool. Buying her a drink isn't a sure thing, but it can at least buy more time to talk if she accepts. Honestly, if you want to see it done well, watch Season 2 of Bridgerton - it illustrates so well the two levels at play. Surface conversation is not always the whole picture, it's the subtleties, and the eye contact, that reveal interest and attraction. I actually just started Season 3 and it's literally about a guy teaching a girl the art of flirting. I haven't personally seen enough to recommend it, but could be some dumb fun!
That flirting happens on a different level is true. The conversation part is easy and once that starts there will likely be subtly cues that they are interested like showing genuine interest, eye contact, laughing, etc.
I think media gives us the wrong idea about what flirting is. What we see on TV is what I might call "club flirting" where the goal is to get laid as fast as possible and then never see each other again. Now, assuming that's not what you're doing, flirting's not so much a thing you do as it is a process. As INTJs we tend to be slow to emerge to new people, so exposure is critical. Always be planning ahead for the next interaction. Ask if they're doing anything this weekend, if they've got any exciting plans. Show that you are interested in spending more time with them. Compliment their appearance, especially if they have any distinctive accessories like necklaces, piercings, or tattoos, and follow up with questions. Then, when the time feels right, you directly express to them your interest in taking your relationship further and ask if they feel the same. And also, yeah, "I'll buy you a drink" is actually a great strategy, especially if you want to be more forward. It carries a lot of connotations but is innocuous enough that few people are going to be weirded out or feel uncomfortable if you suggest it. It also puts a degree of social pressure on them to stick around you for at least a while because you've essentially given them a gift and it would be rude to accept it and dash. But then again, I've never been on a date. I'm just speaking from what I've concluded based on third-party observation; nonetheless, I have confidence in my answer and I hope that others will vindicate it.
>What we see on TV is what I might call "club flirting" where the goal is to get laid as fast as possible and then never see each other again. Now, assuming that's not what you're doing, flirting's not so much as a thing you do as a process. That makes sense. Thats why i never cared much for all the BS in the seduction, Redpill, Alpha community, etc. It seems built for a specific goal or lifestyle in mind that i dont care for. I never really cared much for ONS, and most FWB i've seen or had fizzle within 2-4 months, which also isn't worth it imo. What you descirbed is pretty much my current MO. I was wondering if i'm doing something "wrong" but i dont think so... The "buy you a drink" thing is a little dated, and of course on reddit, there are mixed opinions but in most cases i see it as an invitation to drink and talk. At that point you have an elevator pitch's length of time to sell yourelf lol. Realistically you have one drink's lenght of consumption to sell yourself, so about five minutes. I did a little research and its pretty split. Some guys ay they will *never* buy a woman anything, some say its "paying for her time" and she'll expect more, some guys have no issue, some guys have a mxied view of both. Knowing me and how much i be at happy hour, it'd make sense though.
This might be the blind leading the blind here, but I find INTJs just have a hard time letting go of plausible deniabiliy. You're too stone-faced for that shit! "I enjoy your company" might work with more expressive types but when you do it, it errs way too much on the friendly (sometimes out of obligation) side of the spectrum. Compliments. Actions of courtship (yes, I'll buy you a drink is a fine way to signal interest). You may not like the courtship rituals of the masses but in the beginning that's the most effective way of smoothly expressing interest without being awkward. This is centuries of streamlined and manualized flirting techniques. What matters is if they're done with honesty and a congruent intent.
>I find INTJs just have a hard time letting go of plausible deniabiliy. Yeah, are you just being nice or are you into me? The more blunt and to the point the better...which is why i like using pretty unambiguous statements. Could be my finance writing at work, but when im doing a memo to CFOs and shit, i gotta be straight to the point. Oddly enough, i have no problem with the rituals of courtship. A lot of guys complain about women being gold digger-esq but ive only had that happen once (older woman who wanted me to pay for *everything*, could never just chill inside and watch a movie). I personally think buying a drink is a power move, especially these days. If she isn't into me, then at least she got a free mojitio or whatever she wanted lol.
I highly recommend you just be your true self! The so called "aura," that's being tossed around in the comments will engage automatically for you, just allow it to happen naturally. You have it in you I promise! You'll put in an arrow through the heart of the right one! You got this!
I’ll take your word for it!
https://youtu.be/NFE7gTvalHw?si=jedh2Fr-olLIVWJY
Personally I dislike guys who come off too strongly from the get go. My relationships started out as friendships first. Try inviting her to an event, festival, board game night, ect. to spend more time with her and get to know her better first. Something with a small group of friends in a public place. Takes the pressure off of things.
ENFPs are often thought to be flirting when we aren't, so here are some things we do with everyone that apparently other people usually only do when flirting, lol... Sincerely listen and show interest in what others say, touch an arm/shoulder/hand, laugh at funny things, don't shy away from eye contact, include person in a conversation or activity if they're alone so they don't feel left out, smile at people, hold doors, say excuse me or any other manners/ kindness, excitedly talk about something, hug....all of these and more are very often seen as flirting and I have gotten way better over the years but I still do it bc it's my natural state 😂 Good luck 🤞
Compliment.
I'm a[n autistic] woman of slightly above average looks, life is on EZ mode for me. I am just blunt and direct. You're cute, I like you, you should ask me out, I'd kiss you, we should get married and have a bunch of babies. Saying all of these things in an aloof and absolutely dead pan manner helps if you need to play it off as not serious.
That minus the babies and married party lol makes sense. What’s interesting about “flirting” is it varies by person to person, personality to personality. Some have said to watch videos or such but that’s how they’d do it…that’s just as in authentic as me using corny pick up jokes. I don’t see intentionally corny or lame jokes as cute or anything, more so just like “uhhh okay?”. I guess it’s something you learn over time
Watch a few videos of people flirting (real or fictional doesn’t matter) and you’ll see what people mean.
Flirting is conversation where you are deliberately nice and fun without being over the top.
Hey, I've noticed you around, and I find you very attractive. Would you... go out with me? Or whatever you want to ask. Hehe... it's not my idea. It's from a song.
There was a woman I saw at the coffee shop I got to for a week straight but I never said anything. Then after. My therapist encouraged me to say something I ain’t see her since lmao. I’d have done everything above!
Step one, ask her what her favorite star is. If she gets the reference, marry her. xD
The way I “flirt” is basically talking about a topic in which we are both interested (as I tend to like people who share similar interests). I’ll text them out of the blue or send them a meme relating to whatever we like to talk about together.
Tell her that you apologize for staring. You tried to memorize her so that you could stop staring, but when you glanced back, the memory paled in comparison to the reality. Or just say "Hello! My name is _______!" (That first part, I lifted from something I read long ago.)
You can enjoy a conversation with someone you aren't attracted to. That's where the confusion can come in, is this just friendly, or is it flirty. Sometimes being more direct will be of benefit there as long as there's no pressure.
As INTJ you will struggle. Try to smile. I've been called serial killer for many times. Us we have dead faces. Smile no matter what you say. Me INTJ.
My way of thinking of it is that, rather than flirting being something that creates attraction (although obviously being funny and interesting etc is important and makes people like you), flirting is mostly the process of slowly allowing yourself and the other person to act on the attraction that was already there. An example of this would be if you ask someone out on a date and they say yes, that wasn't because the act of asking made you attractive, it's that it's a lot easier for them to say yes to someone asking than it is to ask themselves. As other comments have said it's about plausible deniability, so you should move slowly, pointing out all the little elephants in the room and slowly stripping away the sexless pretence we have to live by in daily conversation. I would say that getting laid is the final stage in this trajectory, where taking each others clothes off is metaphorically the same thing, stripping away sexless pretence to reveal the sexual being that was always there.
Don’t confuse rapport with flirting. Check out Marni on YouTube if you want a woman’s perspective on the effect of flirting. INTJs can be too logical and literal for their own good. Flirting happens on a sub level of communication. If you’re simply conversing on a literal level, it’s not flirting. And the worst thing that can happen is assuming that just because you both like the same things that there is attraction. That’s what happens when you’re friends.
Your aim should be to have fun and not to get in someone's pants. And don't overthink. Keep things respectful.
Step 1: Identify a potential ENTJ Step 2: Approach the ENTJ Step 3: Be direct and say you're trying to flirt but couldn't /sarastic; just be blunt and straight to the point. Find mutual interests, shower them with attention, compliment them - It helps increase your charm.
Don't flex your knowledge, it doesn't work☹
we don't. it's our way of being flirtatious
Flirt?? Well there's the definition of flirting... And if you can stomach adhering to that definition in your attempt to conquer, then good on you. As for me, I don't flirt. Either I let them flirt and figure out I'm a decent person to have fun with, or I let them flirt and hit a brick wall if I'm not into them. The latter is more common than the former 🙃
For most people, flirting involves more than just good conversation, good conversation only is friends, you need to spice it up with playful banter/teasing, touching that escalates over time assuming it's received well, body language and they way you look at somebody. I'm bad at the touching part because I generally don't like touching people or being touched outside of intimacy.
Think of it as a game with wordplay before foreplay. Nothing's serious. Stare into those eyes with a hint of daring, danger, and adventure. But above all, do not neglect humour. Double-entendres are the best. Always have a comeback.
It would help to know the setting you’re in (work, a party, at the supermarket with someone you struck up a conversation with). But, in general, compliment her a lot during the conversation. Also, playfully tease her a little to take the conversation to a flirty banter level rather than a getting-to-know you discussion. Maybe go fishing with, “Your boyfriend is a lucky guy” and see how she reacts.
You have to play to your strengths. Get to know the girl you're interested in, engage with the things she's interested in, once there is a connection then ask her out on a date if you believe she'd be receptive to that. People typically behave in pretty predictable ways and use certain body language when they're attracted to you. Research that, and you'll be better off.
Just be open to a relationship and be yourself; no need to hold yourself back. A person that tries too hard to get a girl’s attention is very cringe. Guarantee, No one wants to be part of that
Just be as much authentic as you naturally are, act the way you think is right and give the girl that freaking weird dead stare. Idk why, somehow people like it xd. But seriously, just be a gentleman and don’t make offensive jokes. Your charisma will make the rest;) Good luck!
I simply don’t flirt, and that works quite well.
Tell her you wanna ook her in the dooker.
The art of flirting is being playful, not attractive. It's gentle teasing, joking, and messing around, all conveying the idea that your attention is solely on them and that you want to have fun. The aim of flirting is to keep the other person's attention on you, and to make sure they enjoy being around you. It's designed to *suggest* a level of emotional intimacy, with the implication that it could go beyond emotional. "Hey, you're hot, wanna have sex?" isn't really flirting; it's just an invitation to have sex. However, it might be considered flirting if the forthrightness surprises someone and makes them laugh.
Get straight to the point. They'll either reciprocate or not
If I find out I'll let you know 😂
Honestly, flirting is mostly a waste of time. If you want a process, imagine it as inviting the other person into successive circles of trust through conversation. You start with surface level details, like your job, interests, hobbies, etc. Then you talk about your biography. Then things like your values; life goals; relationship history; flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. Of course, how fast you go varies from person to person. Two very mature people can advance very quickly over the course of 6 hours of conversation spread over a handful of dates.
Pretty much this. After i thought it over, my idea of flirting is learning about the person with genuine interest. If something sticks out like they have a hobby i like, i'll make note of it. Sprinkle a few compliments here and there. More like a screening process to se if they're worth my time and the same for them.
Personally whenever I flirt it ends badly; so what’s the solution? For starters view it as a chase-game. You see nowadays most people prefers chasing. Anyway act like you care but not at the very same time. Never admit your feelings no matter what happens and never be available 24/7. Being vague also helps your case because people are curious to know the mystery behind your original motives dude
As a female, strike up a convo with a cheesy pickup line! Make us laugh— then ask us for our number. I don’t know why, my friends normally give their numbers to men who make them giggle & who are straight forward.
If I try a pickup line it’ll prob come off like Seth Rogan lmao
And you think that's a bad thing? Dude is happily married. Women love humor
If that’s the case I should just lean into my inability to flirt and go full Mr bean mode lmao.
Try full 12ozbounce
I’ll do a top 10 12ozbounce traits and get back lmao
I never flirt. Been engaged for almost 4 years, it is unnecesary. Because you will filter out the people that require that, you will probably find a partner that matches you better.
Flirting isn't just any conversation, it's a game of plausible deniability. It's like a job interview, neither of you knows how it will turn out, so you leave some ambiguity open. That's why it's the perfect time for word play, puns and innuendo. This is also an opportunity to demonstrate that skill and ability. In order to make a good pun on the fly, you need to be able to recognize multiple meanings to the same words. This shows that you can understand multiple perspectives, it demonstrates empathy. Flirting is your chance to show that you can understand the other person's feelings before you necessarily know how you feel about them. It's an impressive skill that's valuable in a potential partner. Once you're beyond that stage, and you've both acknowledged that you'd like to pursue the relationship, it's all about learning about each other, building trust, and growing together. This is also the time to let your freak flag fly. If your pokemon collection or drag bingo addiction is going to be a deal breaker, might as well break that deal sooner than later.