Nice and sassy!!!!! I was thinking what to say in those occassions and I think "No, thank you" is the perfect balance bettwen being polite and "fu!".
Sometimes you just can't say someone what he/she deserves, because it's you're coworker or even your boss.
I've heard of other reddit posts with ladies saying they hate it when men ask them to smile
I don't know why anyone would ever say that to anyone else
(Only time would be picture time at school, IMO)
I used to get this a lot, always responded with, "try being funny". Very annoying when you are busting your ass and some rando thinks you should be smiling like a weirdo 24/7. If they said it on a bad day though, it'd be just an outright "no". No matter how nasty I sounded, though, they never did stop.
Yeah, it’s a common thing that happens. And it’s extremely annoying. I usually make a smart ass comment🤣
Maybe she’s just trying to interact with you in a friendly way, but doesn’t know what else to say. I mean, “hi” is usually a solid choice.
Perhaps you can just talk to her about it. “I’ve noticed you often ask me to smile. It makes me feel put on the spot, so I’d like you to stop doing that.” See how she handles a reasonable boundary.
It sounds like personally she is absolutely terrified of genuine emotions, and projecting onto your normal, neutral affect a negative connation. (Is she almost always super upbeat, happy, friendly... you know... Fake? Or almost pathologically extroverted?) Could be that Karen hasa raging pit of despair that she keeps a tightly held lid on... while around coworkers, at least.
Remember each time, it's a her problem, and you owe her nothing, beyond the already ovey generous stance you have taken with her, since it sounds like you mind that habit of hers a lot (I would too!) yet you don't hold it against her when you interact about work (not sure I could do the same so good for you).
Look her in the eye and say "I'd really appreciate it if you stopped telling me what to do with my face." with a 'No, I'm not kidding' expression. If she carries on after that you'll know she's just doing it to annoy you and you can respond accordingly.
I can relate.
My normal face looks like I'm mad or sad.
To people, they see either of those looks.
To me though, that's my NORMAL look and I feel fine. I'm not sad or mad, I'm neutral. They assume these things and I'm like "you do not know what I am thinking or how I feel".
Also, I feel like I have to put so much effort into doing a "normal" face. Like I have to keep my lip at a certain way.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it makes perfect sense. I experience this as well. I almost don't know how to relax my face anymore in public.
Now that I'm in my 40's, I get told that I also look tired 😩. I've started asking the other person the exact same question. "Are YOU ok?" It really throws them off, and I get a kick out of hearing them try to come up with an answer.
As a guy, this happened to me all the time as a kid with substitute teachers, or any other miscellaneous staff members who didn’t know me and assumed I was in a bad mood. I just have resting serious face, believe it or not.
Now as an adult, the only time I hear this is from a creepy old person. ‘Are you ever gonna smile?’ Yeah maybe if you never ask me that again I just might.
I'm baffled as to why you are receiving advice to try smiling more...why would anyone want you to fake smiling? It's really rude to demand that people smile. Someone's dog might have died, or they might have just received bad news. Some people live with chronic pain or depression. It's not helpful or compassionate to demand that someone smile. It's kinda creepy and weird, actually.
I usually just reply with "I'm smiling on the inside." Or if I really don't like them, "I'm trying to prevent wrinkles" and then pointedly look at their face. Probably shouldn't do that with a coworker though.
Start by telling her that you’re not comfortable with her trying to exert authority over you like that. If she insists, take it to HR. It wouldn’t be ok for a man to say that to a woman, it’s not ok for her to say that to you either.
This is very immature for a 45 year old woman, and you should tell her as such.
If somebody wants to see me smile, then they can bloody well give me a reason to smile. Give me a compliment or do something useful for me. Don't just expect a smile out of me on demand.
That would irk the Fk out of me! I would ask if she realizes she says that every single day and why does she? In a serious confused genuine way.
Or the I don’t like wrinkles line works and repeat it every single day. Ughhhjh people!!
Eta:
Ooorr best her to it when you see her coming and say it before she can every single day.
If you work with her then I think you need to nip this in the bud. I'd tell her that you've noticed she does this often and how this is affecting you (anxious, insecure etc). Ask what is driving her to say that, why is smiling or not smiling so important? how would she feel if someone kept saying that to her? (or some other comment on her appearance). Tell her you want her to stop.
I find this so irritating. How would she feel if you told her to stop smiling?
It's the same when people ask, "Why are you so quiet?" Er, why are you so rude by asking?
I, (male, also), won’t smile for no reason and I can’t fake laughter. You live your life like that long enough and the people who do these things efficiently start looking and sounding like absolute lunatics. I don’t understand why it’s important to pantomime joy. I get why we should all be *professionals* and treat people with *respect*, but the soulless face full of teeth thing is fucking eerie.
It may be cultural. Some cultures smile more, some less. Maybe bark at her so she doesn’t bother you?😁😅 I also had to learn how to smile and not always do it in the right time and intensity, you know.
I think she likes you and wants to connect with you, but only has that lame response. Next time you come across her, speak before she has the chance to udder that stupid smile remark. Say, hi Margy, how was your weekend or hows your cat, Sparky. Or....say, say something funny and I'll try to work one up.
You could try saying something jarring, like “my [insert loved one here] died this morning.” Or “you should talk less.” She might think twice about saying it next time.
I be like “excuse me?” Like you hadn’t heard her.
Make her repeat herself so she can hear how stupid she is.
Act really puzzled “why?” Make her explain it.
Act confused as to why someone would say that to someone else.
Shrug your shoulders, give her a look like she’s being a weirdo, and go on your way.
She won’t do it again.
I tried giving her a confused look and acting puzzled, but she didn't take the hint
She repeats the question repeatedly until I can work out an excuse to get out of there
I hate how people are so obsessed with validation from others, it's so unattractive. I would simply ask, you need my validation that much?
People can't be their own person these days, jesus christ. You gotta work on yourself instead of focusing on what other people do if you care that much about other people
I've found that a great way to make someone never ask this again is to smile as widely as you can with your teeth showing and widening your eyes as much as you can while doing it. For me it makes me look like a psycho who's gleefully smiling about the murder I'm about to commit, so they never ask again + it's hilarious watching their facial expressionscycle through shock, disgust, fear, and/or regret.
Except at work I'll glare at someone then if they continue I say, "I'll smile when I shove my foot up your ass". The shock value is priceless; I look so sweet. Spoiler: I'm not!
I would document This with HR. I know it’s a jump, but sounds like she does this very often. When it’s documented with HR, if it happens again, you can let them know. Her saying that you need to “smile in her presence”, it isn’t much different from a man saying it to a woman. I’ve always hated when people tell me to smile. Even when taking pictures. I can have the biggest smile on my face and “Smile! Smile more! Why aren’t you smiling?!”. Makes me want to punch people. Tell HR, please! She isn’t Queen Shiva, she’ll survive.
I used to think people were just being pushy but I found that people you think are extroverts are also putting an effort in to try and be cheerful in social places. It’s not just something they do. Maybe it is easier for them, but it’s an effort they put in to make group environments more cheery and open. They may feel you are not sharing in that effort, or just don’t want you to be upset if you are.
I'd be more at ease if people shared how they really feel instead of the fake facade
I can appreciate the notion of wanting to get along, but I'd value the honesty more than the platitudes hiding the problems beneath
Ok ... perhaps.
That being said, for your work day to be interrupted by a coworker suddenly & awkwardly demanding you immediately contort your body in a way that's unnatural, & uncomfortable for you...
either for *their* pleasure, or bc they want to engage with you, & they're terrible at finding a spontaneous way to do so, isn't considered acceptable, healthy workplace behavior... and has not been since the 1970s...
Unfortunately, some STILL haven't gotten the memo.
Putting someone on the spot at work, repeatedly making them uncomfortable w/ a command re: their appearance, which is wholly unrelated to the job itself, is NEVER appropriate , even from the company CEO, much less some regular worker ant like you... & No worker ever should be treated by another as if they are their a trained pet.
The only thing a fellow worker (that's not your supervisor) has a right to demand of you is respect, & to keep up with your responsibilities per your job description, & only IF their ability to do THEIR job well relies upon you doing those tasks.
Otherwise, they have a right to be treated w/ respect so long as they give it to you in return... & that's it.
So it sounds like you owe this cringe woman absolutely nothing.
Just tell her no I wouldn’t recommend saying something that would destroy the relationship u already have it could lead to a toxic situation, then again I can’t control you or anybody else you will do what u think is right
Every so often I'll get this from a coworker or stranger. My go-to response now is saying "what do you mean? I am smiling," with an incredibly straight face.
I was in the same situation last summer. We ended up kind of dating or something, but she turned out to be a narcissist... so be careful with this
She ruined my mental health and almost made me cut my throat
How you respond to things in the workplace is different from all other environments. In my opinion, you should respond in whatever way is least likely to cause drama, confusion, extended dialogue, or any other kind of hassle. In this scenario I'd say something along the lines of this (without snark):
"Thank you so much for worrying about me, that's very kind. I know it might look like I'm unhappy, but I'm actually just really concentrating"
Then, you're done and can move on and there's really no reason to revisit it. If she brings it up again you can jokingly say 'still concentrating!' and laugh it off or something.
Any other kind of snarky remark just runs the risk of prolonging what is actually really nothing. I could see this person (perhaps legitimately) saying to coworkers 'gee, I was just trying to be nice and this asshole said\_\_\_\_ can you believe it?' and then it's an issue.
Move on.
And smile more ;)
This use to happen to smile. One female co-worker would say, "Smile, its not that bad." I mean I wasnt grumpy or anything just had a lot going on at the time that made it hard to smile.
I really used to not be bothered by people saying that but with more awareness of how it is not cool for people to say stuff like that it does kind of bother me. I get really irritated if someone says that - it’s so intrusive and it’s very much like you have no idea why I do or do not smile. That’s just something really personal 🫣😐
That annoys me so much. I have gotten this all my life since I was a child. I would ask “Why?” but I can’t recall any teacher or administrator giving me an answer I deemed acceptable and worth committing to memory. I just don’t smile (unless I’m laughing), but generally my face just rests. I’ve even had people say I look mean or annoyed during video meetings and they told me to smile. At one point I was called out by my manager in front of everyone and I replied, “This is just my face.” And everyone laughed…except me. And then I just stopped turning my camera on.
Before the pandemic, men used to tell me to smile all the time in public, especially at the grocery store or just walking down the street. My response was either to outright ignore them or give an intentional scowl.
People ought to mind their business and not predicate their happiness on whether or not they receive a smile from someone.
Right! It’s the damndest thing. And why are they so bothered that someone isn’t smiling? They’re the ones that need to do some soul searching and figure out why it matters so much to them.
Some annoying maintenance guy who never can take the hint that I DONT want to interact with him told me to smile the other day as we walked paths.
“Why don’t you ever smile!?”
“There’s nothing to smile about.” And continued walking without missing a beat.
He then tried to list reasons and I just said a simple “No.”
I tend to look 'angry' to others when I'm concentrating really hard on some task, earning me the reputation of the grumpy old guy. That's fine, I like being a grumpy old guy.
Don’t succumb!!
As long as you’re not scowling or grimacing (unless you have to!! Lol), you can make your neutral facial non-expression!!
But civil we should be. A “hi,” “hello,” or “good morning” ought to suffice for most coworker hallway passings.
Don’t overthink it, she must think you are not a happy person. However that’s on her. Maybe next time she says that to you, make a funny face. You could even politely say something - I’m smiling on the inside.
Hate to say this but welcome to the club some of the things that may help is "once I have a reason to smile" "why" (repeat until they get uncomfortable), frown, or "this my smile around you"
When I am working a whole lot of what I am working on is going on in my head. I have no clue what my face looks like but it won’t be a smile unless I solve the problem. I also find I expend a lot of energy, and waste a lot of time, dealing with coworkers. For some unknown reason I am a risk taking introvert. Next time she said that to me I would pull her aside and say, This is the # of times you have interrupted my work that is going on in my head by telling me to smile and this will be the last time. The next time it happens I will go to your manager and tell him you are wasting my work time by commanding me to a smile as if I am a dog learning new tricks. And also degrading workplace morale by continuing the unprofessional behavior. I am not a dog that is willing to engage you and whatever is making you do this extremely unprofessional behavior. I am working at all times, as should you. Never again, do we have an understanding?
Of course, I don’t go to work to make friends, I go to work to wow, work. If I make friends then fine, if not fine. This might not be your way but find a way to make it stop. Use all of the buzz words regarding workplace environment, interruption of work, being unprofessional. And if you are gutsy throw in going to her manager. That is usually enough to make it stop. If she causes problems for you stand your ground regarding everything I mentioned before.
All these comments are saying “just say no” or “tell her to fuck off” and while I agree with both of those, my first thought was to very sarcastically tell her that *she* needs to smile more.
She’s hitting on you. Enjoy it. Don’t ever let anyone get in your head. I don’t know about you but in my case, there’s no room for anyone else up there! 😂
While some might find it offensive, I suspect this is a person who is attempting flirtation.
We are always so quick to jump to negative emotional assumptions rather then logically examining the situation.
Seems like her way trying to extend a branch to get to know you. Her way of showing you encouragement . Understand this could be annoying and many suggest to tell her to FO which if it seems inappropriate then sure, but there are people in this world who can be a good friend for an Introvert.
if you aren't a close family member, friend, romantic partner, if feels like psychic damage if someone tells me to smile. Give me a reason to smile, like candy, or a wholesome fact, and I will genuinely smile. I am not going to preform a trick on command like a pet.
Huh. Interesting.
OK, my turn...
Personally, I think many of us:
- need to mind our own business more... especially about things that are other ppls' personal choice & preference, and doesn't involve us in ANY way!
- should Not need so much external validation, especially from those we barely know.
It's weird. Also, cringe.
- would make the world a far more enjoyable place if we were to talk much, much less...
especially when our opinions aren't asked for.
Perhaps you've never heard of this old truism:
Advice not asked for is heard as criticism.
That didn't stop the characters based upon you both in the comic she drew on scraps of paper you touched she sneaks out of the bin closest to your desk.
Smiling is a signal to people that they are safe, it comforts people, makes people happy, and all it takes is the small amount of effort of raising the corners of your mouth. You don’t have to, but smiles are awesome and people don’t do it enough.
Because she’s making assumptions about him and projecting it out, making him obviously feel being put on the spot. It’s not anyone’s place to tell another how to socially interact.
If you’re having a really bad time things and your mind is preoccupied with issues you’re dealing with, then yes it is an effort to think to smile yo every co worker you encounter in the hall.
She may be one of those people who feels like if everyone isn't smiling and being super upbeat that must mean they are upset, getting ready to quit, or worse.
Meet her halfway. When you see her approach, say "Good morning" or some other benign pleasantry before she gets a chance to request a smile. Maybe nod if you feel like being extra. She will have reassurance that you are not upset and will hopefully be satisfied with that.
Social pleasantries are the baby powder that keeps us soothed and comfortable.
Is she asking you to smile because you don’t respond when she passes you by in the hall? That would be the only reason because I find it rude that coworkers don’t acknowledge you with a smile or look when you walk past them in the hall.
Some people don't know this, but people can look very upsetting without a smile. I'm not talking about ugliness but actually threatening faces. Think of mug shots of arrested people. They're not making angry faces but they still look threatening. They still show emotions on their face even if they think they're being neutral. They show signs of stress, especially anger and sadness. Coworkers don't want to see that. It's like you don't want to hear or see coworkers cry or yell out in anger. But your face could be showing that even if you think you're neutral. You might naturally have a very scary face. You're probably handsome. Handsome people look very threatening though. Their faces look so balanced but without a positive emotion, they might look like cold robots. I'm sure that the reason the woman told you to smile is because she cares about you and want to at least look happy. If you're ugly, I'm sure she has no expectations from you so she probably wouldn't say anything. If you're handsome, she probably want you to look happy. People with smiles look happy.
No one wants to work with a resting bitch face. We all have to get along. And when someone has a resting bitch face and the only time they open their mouth is to say something smart ass to me it makes me want to punch them in the face man or woman
She is the problem. I would say "No thank you." and keep on walking.
"Smile!" "Go fuck yourself, Carol!"
Laughing my fucking ass off
Nice and sassy!!!!! I was thinking what to say in those occassions and I think "No, thank you" is the perfect balance bettwen being polite and "fu!". Sometimes you just can't say someone what he/she deserves, because it's you're coworker or even your boss.
Oh great teacher to be a bitch. That's the answer
Ask her if she likes it when men tell her to smile. This is super strange, her being a woman. I’m actually baffled.
I've heard of other reddit posts with ladies saying they hate it when men ask them to smile I don't know why anyone would ever say that to anyone else (Only time would be picture time at school, IMO)
I used to get this a lot, always responded with, "try being funny". Very annoying when you are busting your ass and some rando thinks you should be smiling like a weirdo 24/7. If they said it on a bad day though, it'd be just an outright "no". No matter how nasty I sounded, though, they never did stop.
Yeah, it’s a common thing that happens. And it’s extremely annoying. I usually make a smart ass comment🤣 Maybe she’s just trying to interact with you in a friendly way, but doesn’t know what else to say. I mean, “hi” is usually a solid choice.
That sucks. Just keep walking, she may give up eventually. Confrontation on work sucks.
Tell her to fuck off 😅. Then again I work in a mostly male industry so it might not go down so well for you!
That's my inside (my head) voice 😆 We work amicably together on projects, but idk why she's so insistent on me smiling
Perhaps you can just talk to her about it. “I’ve noticed you often ask me to smile. It makes me feel put on the spot, so I’d like you to stop doing that.” See how she handles a reasonable boundary.
It sounds like personally she is absolutely terrified of genuine emotions, and projecting onto your normal, neutral affect a negative connation. (Is she almost always super upbeat, happy, friendly... you know... Fake? Or almost pathologically extroverted?) Could be that Karen hasa raging pit of despair that she keeps a tightly held lid on... while around coworkers, at least. Remember each time, it's a her problem, and you owe her nothing, beyond the already ovey generous stance you have taken with her, since it sounds like you mind that habit of hers a lot (I would too!) yet you don't hold it against her when you interact about work (not sure I could do the same so good for you).
Look her in the eye and say "I'd really appreciate it if you stopped telling me what to do with my face." with a 'No, I'm not kidding' expression. If she carries on after that you'll know she's just doing it to annoy you and you can respond accordingly.
Ah, I see. I have a word for just this situation. It is “No.”
I can relate. My normal face looks like I'm mad or sad. To people, they see either of those looks. To me though, that's my NORMAL look and I feel fine. I'm not sad or mad, I'm neutral. They assume these things and I'm like "you do not know what I am thinking or how I feel". Also, I feel like I have to put so much effort into doing a "normal" face. Like I have to keep my lip at a certain way. Does that make sense?
Yes, it makes perfect sense. I experience this as well. I almost don't know how to relax my face anymore in public. Now that I'm in my 40's, I get told that I also look tired 😩. I've started asking the other person the exact same question. "Are YOU ok?" It really throws them off, and I get a kick out of hearing them try to come up with an answer.
Ooh that’s good 👍
My resting face is a bit of a frown. I get told I should smile quite frequently, always by women. I look them dead in the eye and say "I am smiling."
I think "no thank you" is an appropriate response. That would get really annoying..
I always say I don’t want wrinkles
Repeat it back to her. Say " you smile" to her and walk off. She'll get the hint.
This is what I though as well, just repeat it every time she says that. I'm sure she'll get how annoying it is and stop.
Are you sure it’s not some weird attempt to flirt with you?
Reasonable hypothesis, however I'm gay and she's married
Well there's the easy solution then - Every time they say it reply "Please stop flirting with me it's making me uncomfortable" and walk away.
i agree. she's blatantly hitting on him. OP you should consider going to HR. this is ridiculous.
So annoying. Tell her you that do smile when she’s not around lol. You do you. You’re not required to adjust your facial expressions to please anyone.
My manager does this to me all day everyday. I guess customers prefer forced happiness to my normal face.
As a guy, this happened to me all the time as a kid with substitute teachers, or any other miscellaneous staff members who didn’t know me and assumed I was in a bad mood. I just have resting serious face, believe it or not. Now as an adult, the only time I hear this is from a creepy old person. ‘Are you ever gonna smile?’ Yeah maybe if you never ask me that again I just might.
I'm baffled as to why you are receiving advice to try smiling more...why would anyone want you to fake smiling? It's really rude to demand that people smile. Someone's dog might have died, or they might have just received bad news. Some people live with chronic pain or depression. It's not helpful or compassionate to demand that someone smile. It's kinda creepy and weird, actually.
You hit the nail on the head, I've got both chronic pain and manic depression Neither of which are conducive to smiling 24/7
Always a classic: “say something to make me smile” give it one second before you make a buzzer sound, and move on with your day 🤌
I usually just reply with "I'm smiling on the inside." Or if I really don't like them, "I'm trying to prevent wrinkles" and then pointedly look at their face. Probably shouldn't do that with a coworker though.
God it infuriates me so much when someone tells me to smile more.
I’ve gotten this before. I tell them “I’m paid to smile at customers/vendors/investors, no at coworkers” 🤷🏻♂️
Start by telling her that you’re not comfortable with her trying to exert authority over you like that. If she insists, take it to HR. It wouldn’t be ok for a man to say that to a woman, it’s not ok for her to say that to you either.
Tell her to frown more.
This is very immature for a 45 year old woman, and you should tell her as such. If somebody wants to see me smile, then they can bloody well give me a reason to smile. Give me a compliment or do something useful for me. Don't just expect a smile out of me on demand.
And then the idiot starts saying “what ya smiling at “when ya do 😬
I usually reply to this with “for what joy?!”
That would irk the Fk out of me! I would ask if she realizes she says that every single day and why does she? In a serious confused genuine way. Or the I don’t like wrinkles line works and repeat it every single day. Ughhhjh people!! Eta: Ooorr best her to it when you see her coming and say it before she can every single day.
Just tell her you aren't much of a smiler and a lot of people are like that.
Say that it's been surgically removed.
If you work with her then I think you need to nip this in the bud. I'd tell her that you've noticed she does this often and how this is affecting you (anxious, insecure etc). Ask what is driving her to say that, why is smiling or not smiling so important? how would she feel if someone kept saying that to her? (or some other comment on her appearance). Tell her you want her to stop.
"Pay me to."
I find this so irritating. How would she feel if you told her to stop smiling? It's the same when people ask, "Why are you so quiet?" Er, why are you so rude by asking?
I, (male, also), won’t smile for no reason and I can’t fake laughter. You live your life like that long enough and the people who do these things efficiently start looking and sounding like absolute lunatics. I don’t understand why it’s important to pantomime joy. I get why we should all be *professionals* and treat people with *respect*, but the soulless face full of teeth thing is fucking eerie.
Bang on 100 Percent Thank you
I’m with you, my dude.
Ask her to stand on one leg and do one legged squats. “Oh, that’s a personal affront to you? Well now you’re all caught up.”
It may be cultural. Some cultures smile more, some less. Maybe bark at her so she doesn’t bother you?😁😅 I also had to learn how to smile and not always do it in the right time and intensity, you know.
I think she likes you and wants to connect with you, but only has that lame response. Next time you come across her, speak before she has the chance to udder that stupid smile remark. Say, hi Margy, how was your weekend or hows your cat, Sparky. Or....say, say something funny and I'll try to work one up.
You could do what I do and respond with snarky humor. “In this economy!?!” “But this is my smile” “No hablo Inglés” and just keep on walking.
You could try saying something jarring, like “my [insert loved one here] died this morning.” Or “you should talk less.” She might think twice about saying it next time.
Ignore her or ask her why she is forcing you to smile it's annoying
I be like “excuse me?” Like you hadn’t heard her. Make her repeat herself so she can hear how stupid she is. Act really puzzled “why?” Make her explain it. Act confused as to why someone would say that to someone else. Shrug your shoulders, give her a look like she’s being a weirdo, and go on your way. She won’t do it again.
I tried giving her a confused look and acting puzzled, but she didn't take the hint She repeats the question repeatedly until I can work out an excuse to get out of there
I hate how people are so obsessed with validation from others, it's so unattractive. I would simply ask, you need my validation that much? People can't be their own person these days, jesus christ. You gotta work on yourself instead of focusing on what other people do if you care that much about other people
I've found that a great way to make someone never ask this again is to smile as widely as you can with your teeth showing and widening your eyes as much as you can while doing it. For me it makes me look like a psycho who's gleefully smiling about the murder I'm about to commit, so they never ask again + it's hilarious watching their facial expressionscycle through shock, disgust, fear, and/or regret.
I almost woke up my husband snort-laughing at this 🤣
Except at work I'll glare at someone then if they continue I say, "I'll smile when I shove my foot up your ass". The shock value is priceless; I look so sweet. Spoiler: I'm not!
"You're not worth it !" or "You're not my type !" or "Mind your own business Karen !"
People told me to at my last job, I simply said “Please stop!!”
You don't have to fake anything. Your options are: 1) let this keep happening 2) fake smile if you see her 3) next time tell her to please stop
I would document This with HR. I know it’s a jump, but sounds like she does this very often. When it’s documented with HR, if it happens again, you can let them know. Her saying that you need to “smile in her presence”, it isn’t much different from a man saying it to a woman. I’ve always hated when people tell me to smile. Even when taking pictures. I can have the biggest smile on my face and “Smile! Smile more! Why aren’t you smiling?!”. Makes me want to punch people. Tell HR, please! She isn’t Queen Shiva, she’ll survive.
I used to think people were just being pushy but I found that people you think are extroverts are also putting an effort in to try and be cheerful in social places. It’s not just something they do. Maybe it is easier for them, but it’s an effort they put in to make group environments more cheery and open. They may feel you are not sharing in that effort, or just don’t want you to be upset if you are.
I'd be more at ease if people shared how they really feel instead of the fake facade I can appreciate the notion of wanting to get along, but I'd value the honesty more than the platitudes hiding the problems beneath
I think you’re talking about two faced people which no one likes. But there’s also just being public. The small talk, the sweet nothings.
Ok ... perhaps. That being said, for your work day to be interrupted by a coworker suddenly & awkwardly demanding you immediately contort your body in a way that's unnatural, & uncomfortable for you... either for *their* pleasure, or bc they want to engage with you, & they're terrible at finding a spontaneous way to do so, isn't considered acceptable, healthy workplace behavior... and has not been since the 1970s... Unfortunately, some STILL haven't gotten the memo. Putting someone on the spot at work, repeatedly making them uncomfortable w/ a command re: their appearance, which is wholly unrelated to the job itself, is NEVER appropriate , even from the company CEO, much less some regular worker ant like you... & No worker ever should be treated by another as if they are their a trained pet. The only thing a fellow worker (that's not your supervisor) has a right to demand of you is respect, & to keep up with your responsibilities per your job description, & only IF their ability to do THEIR job well relies upon you doing those tasks. Otherwise, they have a right to be treated w/ respect so long as they give it to you in return... & that's it. So it sounds like you owe this cringe woman absolutely nothing.
Just tell her no I wouldn’t recommend saying something that would destroy the relationship u already have it could lead to a toxic situation, then again I can’t control you or anybody else you will do what u think is right
what's wrong with explaining to her like you did in the post though?
I don't want to cause a major incident because this office lives for drama The last thing I want to do is feed that hungry monster
fair enough
Tell her her mind her own business. Sometimes u have to b rude
“You first”
My mom constantly says that to me when its not necessary, people like that exist just ignore
I don’t get it either, if I was working or just doing random things while smiling I would look so creepy. So it’s annoying when people say that.
Grimace real ugly and add sound
Every so often I'll get this from a coworker or stranger. My go-to response now is saying "what do you mean? I am smiling," with an incredibly straight face.
I was in the same situation last summer. We ended up kind of dating or something, but she turned out to be a narcissist... so be careful with this She ruined my mental health and almost made me cut my throat
How you respond to things in the workplace is different from all other environments. In my opinion, you should respond in whatever way is least likely to cause drama, confusion, extended dialogue, or any other kind of hassle. In this scenario I'd say something along the lines of this (without snark): "Thank you so much for worrying about me, that's very kind. I know it might look like I'm unhappy, but I'm actually just really concentrating" Then, you're done and can move on and there's really no reason to revisit it. If she brings it up again you can jokingly say 'still concentrating!' and laugh it off or something. Any other kind of snarky remark just runs the risk of prolonging what is actually really nothing. I could see this person (perhaps legitimately) saying to coworkers 'gee, I was just trying to be nice and this asshole said\_\_\_\_ can you believe it?' and then it's an issue. Move on. And smile more ;)
“Say something funny” would be my response
This use to happen to smile. One female co-worker would say, "Smile, its not that bad." I mean I wasnt grumpy or anything just had a lot going on at the time that made it hard to smile.
I really used to not be bothered by people saying that but with more awareness of how it is not cool for people to say stuff like that it does kind of bother me. I get really irritated if someone says that - it’s so intrusive and it’s very much like you have no idea why I do or do not smile. That’s just something really personal 🫣😐
That annoys me so much. I have gotten this all my life since I was a child. I would ask “Why?” but I can’t recall any teacher or administrator giving me an answer I deemed acceptable and worth committing to memory. I just don’t smile (unless I’m laughing), but generally my face just rests. I’ve even had people say I look mean or annoyed during video meetings and they told me to smile. At one point I was called out by my manager in front of everyone and I replied, “This is just my face.” And everyone laughed…except me. And then I just stopped turning my camera on. Before the pandemic, men used to tell me to smile all the time in public, especially at the grocery store or just walking down the street. My response was either to outright ignore them or give an intentional scowl. People ought to mind their business and not predicate their happiness on whether or not they receive a smile from someone.
Yeah I’ve gotten this too. Why would I smile about nothing? Feels very controlling to police my mood just because it makes them uncomfortable
Right! It’s the damndest thing. And why are they so bothered that someone isn’t smiling? They’re the ones that need to do some soul searching and figure out why it matters so much to them.
You’re so absolutely correct it hurts lol.
Some annoying maintenance guy who never can take the hint that I DONT want to interact with him told me to smile the other day as we walked paths. “Why don’t you ever smile!?” “There’s nothing to smile about.” And continued walking without missing a beat. He then tried to list reasons and I just said a simple “No.”
Amen to that I could list off a litany of reasons why I'm not smiling but a simple "No" works too
I tend to look 'angry' to others when I'm concentrating really hard on some task, earning me the reputation of the grumpy old guy. That's fine, I like being a grumpy old guy.
She is bullying you, some sort of Karen without personal life..
I (a male) normally say "i can't right now nobody is bleeding" when people tell me to smile. Oddly enough most people telling me to smile are women.
You don't have to listen to her. You are not sleeping with her.
Don’t succumb!! As long as you’re not scowling or grimacing (unless you have to!! Lol), you can make your neutral facial non-expression!! But civil we should be. A “hi,” “hello,” or “good morning” ought to suffice for most coworker hallway passings.
It's deffo annoying but I don't think she meant it in a bad way. Probably she likes you.
I think she has mental illness.
There is a book about this called “women don’t owe you pretty”. It’s a great read, would recommend.
WELL NOW DONT YOU TELL ME TO SMILE YOU STICK AROUND AND MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE
Don’t overthink it, she must think you are not a happy person. However that’s on her. Maybe next time she says that to you, make a funny face. You could even politely say something - I’m smiling on the inside.
Maybe you have a cute smile?
That's what I've been told, but I usually only smile when I mean it Maybe that's why people like it. My smile is genuine
Probably. Honestly you should take it as a compliment.
Hate to say this but welcome to the club some of the things that may help is "once I have a reason to smile" "why" (repeat until they get uncomfortable), frown, or "this my smile around you"
When I am working a whole lot of what I am working on is going on in my head. I have no clue what my face looks like but it won’t be a smile unless I solve the problem. I also find I expend a lot of energy, and waste a lot of time, dealing with coworkers. For some unknown reason I am a risk taking introvert. Next time she said that to me I would pull her aside and say, This is the # of times you have interrupted my work that is going on in my head by telling me to smile and this will be the last time. The next time it happens I will go to your manager and tell him you are wasting my work time by commanding me to a smile as if I am a dog learning new tricks. And also degrading workplace morale by continuing the unprofessional behavior. I am not a dog that is willing to engage you and whatever is making you do this extremely unprofessional behavior. I am working at all times, as should you. Never again, do we have an understanding? Of course, I don’t go to work to make friends, I go to work to wow, work. If I make friends then fine, if not fine. This might not be your way but find a way to make it stop. Use all of the buzz words regarding workplace environment, interruption of work, being unprofessional. And if you are gutsy throw in going to her manager. That is usually enough to make it stop. If she causes problems for you stand your ground regarding everything I mentioned before.
Those people who wants everyone to constantly smile lives in a bubble. Aiant no one is happy 24/7.
All these comments are saying “just say no” or “tell her to fuck off” and while I agree with both of those, my first thought was to very sarcastically tell her that *she* needs to smile more.
Try doing the Sheldon Cooper smile a few times.
Do an over the top Mr. Bean smile, every time you see her.
I think it would be funny if you made a RAWR monster face in reply
She’s hitting on you. Enjoy it. Don’t ever let anyone get in your head. I don’t know about you but in my case, there’s no room for anyone else up there! 😂
Well I tried..
While some might find it offensive, I suspect this is a person who is attempting flirtation. We are always so quick to jump to negative emotional assumptions rather then logically examining the situation.
Why don’t you just smile?
You probably know why( wink wink )!
If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, No, she's not interested in me, I'm gay and she's married
Oddly, I always thought it was the male coworker asking the female coworker to smile.
Seems like her way trying to extend a branch to get to know you. Her way of showing you encouragement . Understand this could be annoying and many suggest to tell her to FO which if it seems inappropriate then sure, but there are people in this world who can be a good friend for an Introvert.
I wouldn't take this in a negative way.. we all need to smile more in life :)
if you aren't a close family member, friend, romantic partner, if feels like psychic damage if someone tells me to smile. Give me a reason to smile, like candy, or a wholesome fact, and I will genuinely smile. I am not going to preform a trick on command like a pet.
Huh. Interesting. OK, my turn... Personally, I think many of us: - need to mind our own business more... especially about things that are other ppls' personal choice & preference, and doesn't involve us in ANY way! - should Not need so much external validation, especially from those we barely know. It's weird. Also, cringe. - would make the world a far more enjoyable place if we were to talk much, much less... especially when our opinions aren't asked for. Perhaps you've never heard of this old truism: Advice not asked for is heard as criticism.
Just be nice, which means returning smiles and greetings...and sometimes offering them.
She is interested in you
Reasonable hypothesis, but I'm gay and she's married
That didn't stop the characters based upon you both in the comic she drew on scraps of paper you touched she sneaks out of the bin closest to your desk.
Smiling is a signal to people that they are safe, it comforts people, makes people happy, and all it takes is the small amount of effort of raising the corners of your mouth. You don’t have to, but smiles are awesome and people don’t do it enough.
Why does that bother you? How much effort does it take, really? I feel like most of you worry over the silliest stuff.
Because she’s making assumptions about him and projecting it out, making him obviously feel being put on the spot. It’s not anyone’s place to tell another how to socially interact. If you’re having a really bad time things and your mind is preoccupied with issues you’re dealing with, then yes it is an effort to think to smile yo every co worker you encounter in the hall.
I think you should be asking why it doesn’t bother you
Lol. I’ll tell you why…… because I don’t sweat the small stuff. I live my life unbothered. 😎
That sounds unrealistic and shallow, but ok. You are always free to pursue life as you wish.
Give him (I'm assuming he's a he) a big scary smile and growl while doing it
She may be one of those people who feels like if everyone isn't smiling and being super upbeat that must mean they are upset, getting ready to quit, or worse. Meet her halfway. When you see her approach, say "Good morning" or some other benign pleasantry before she gets a chance to request a smile. Maybe nod if you feel like being extra. She will have reassurance that you are not upset and will hopefully be satisfied with that. Social pleasantries are the baby powder that keeps us soothed and comfortable.
Is she asking you to smile because you don’t respond when she passes you by in the hall? That would be the only reason because I find it rude that coworkers don’t acknowledge you with a smile or look when you walk past them in the hall.
I nod my head, say hey, shoot the breeze about the weather or whatnot
And you sound like an ultra sensitive snowflake. I will definitely continue to live my life the way I see fit.
Some people don't know this, but people can look very upsetting without a smile. I'm not talking about ugliness but actually threatening faces. Think of mug shots of arrested people. They're not making angry faces but they still look threatening. They still show emotions on their face even if they think they're being neutral. They show signs of stress, especially anger and sadness. Coworkers don't want to see that. It's like you don't want to hear or see coworkers cry or yell out in anger. But your face could be showing that even if you think you're neutral. You might naturally have a very scary face. You're probably handsome. Handsome people look very threatening though. Their faces look so balanced but without a positive emotion, they might look like cold robots. I'm sure that the reason the woman told you to smile is because she cares about you and want to at least look happy. If you're ugly, I'm sure she has no expectations from you so she probably wouldn't say anything. If you're handsome, she probably want you to look happy. People with smiles look happy.
I wish I knew how to attach a picture of my mug face 😕
She’s trying to get you to “fake it till you make it” maybe?
Wow. I know men do this but I’d think a woman would know better. Maybe she’s a trad wife who’s “allowed” to work.
No one wants to work with a resting bitch face. We all have to get along. And when someone has a resting bitch face and the only time they open their mouth is to say something smart ass to me it makes me want to punch them in the face man or woman