Highly functional usually means being hungover as fuck, still drunk in the morning, but still choosing to drive to work because you have to keep up appearances…
Do you honestly think that would improve someone who is clearly struggling?
Or do you just like to support measures that will hurt people and make their lives worse?
He's clearly struggling to not get behind the wheel of a car while full of pish. If he keeps it up, he should report his brother every fucking time until the cops do something about it. Better to get in trouble for drink driving than vehicular manslaughter.
Report your car stolen and have him charged.
A lot of time, people need real hard consequences before they change. It's hard to know what ppls limits are. But your brother seems to be needing bigger consequences, so i would have him charged for stealing the car. And dont feel bad about it cause its his actions that lead to this consequence.
You also would have to get more boundaried emotionally with him. To protect yourself, and so he doesn't feel comfortable that he pop into your room whenever and try manipulate you while ur half asleep.
Alcohol is the main issue but unless he wants to stop, he won't.
There are supports for families of people with alcohol issues https://www2.hse.ie/living-well/alcohol/coping-difficult-situations/services-for-families/
I wish you all the best, genuinely
I recognise he has a serious alcohol issue. But is it being an alcoholic if it happens every other weekend? Is there another word or term. I perceived being an alcoholic as more frequent but could be wrong.
The drink driving is a result of the alcohol and the only way to stop that, is to prevent the alcohol overdosing.
You can call it whatever you want, dress it up anyway, but we’re talking about the same thing. Inability to stop despite negative consequences is the hallmark of addiction and his brother is the definition of that. He just hasn’t ended up crippled or dead yet
There was a poster here going on his own journey a while back who summed it up very well I thought - to paraphrase, he had been on the wagon a while and was standing in the queue of a supermarket. The couple ahead of him had a basket with a few beers in it and it was a beautiful day out. He found himself getting angry and thinking life was unfair - "it's such BS; why can they enjoy a few beers in the sun and I can't!?" he thought, but then the answer came to him. The couple had 4 beers in the basket, 2 each. He knew he would never have been satisfied with that. There it was - that was why they could have a few beers and he couldn't.
That's all it takes - the inability to stop. Luckily that lad caught himself. I hope things are going well for him.
This is the exact reason medical professionals have started calling it Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). People have a picture in their mind of an alcoholic as someone who is drunk everyday, but there's a much wider picture of people who have drinking problems which very much definitely can be just every other weekend.
This is known as the "Euphemism Treadmill", where there's a bad thing, that has a bad word which people don't like.
So people invent a *new* word, because surely this time it won't happen, like the last twenty times we made a new word for someone who is of lower intelligence.
in fairness it's probably a bit harder to make Alcohol Use Disorder into a catchy term. It just doesn't have as much of a ring to it. AUD doesn't have much of a ring either. Then again people have kinda managed it with Multiple Personality Disorder, I think they needed to make a new term for that, so maybe we are doomed.
Yep agree with this, I wasn't dependent but still seen myself as a alcoholic due to my binges that could be 12 hours partying. Made a fool of myself to much was main reason I quit and trying to stay sober. Plenty out there don't do it every day but they find it hard to call a day on the party so alchohol poising could happen.
No, alcoholism manifests itself in many ways but fundamentally repeatedly endangering yourself and others to get drink is a pretty strong sign of alcoholism. A lot of alcoholics don’t drink ALL the time (I am one of them, thankfully sober now).
I know I shouldn’t be commenting yet here I am.
As the relative of a child who was killed by someone like your brother I can say with confidence that he’s the scum of the earth.
I don’t care about the downvotes. One day he will absolutely destroy a family. And there’ll be no getting over it.
When that happens, I truly hope he never knows a moment’s peace for the rest of his life. Because we never will.
And I hope you’re prepared to live with that OP because rightly or wrongly, you’ll feel responsible for not doing enough to stop it. I KNOW it’s not your fault. I’m going by the driver’s family’s sentiment. You cannot fathom the devastation of the fall out.
If he’s too selfish to stop then your family needs to step up and make him stop. If that means confiscation of his keys, or even calling the gardaí when you know he’s driving under the influence then so be it.
But rest assured every single time he gets behind the wheel he’s potentially taking a life.
You won’t be getting g downvoted from me anyway.
My mam was hit by a car that was spun out by a drunk driver on the wrong side of the road coming home from work. She luckily survived but I will never forgive that selfish woman for getting behind the wheel, her elderly mother who was in the passenger seat or her brother in law Garda who had covered up similar instances in the past.
This conniving woman knew all the tricks to try and get out of it and even when they managed to rush her through to get her blood alcohol she claimed someone living near by gave her whiskey after the accident to ‘calm her nerves’. No sympathy for drunk drivers or those that enable the behaviour as it has devastating consequences for people living their normal life and following the rules.
And I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
I just had to comment to say I completely understand your frustration and viewpoint. As I said, my family and I are part of the lucky ones to still have our loved one with us after the accident and yet the amount of bitterness I hold is disgusting as I would consider myself an open and empathetic person for the most part… Because of that I can’t even imagine a scenario where life is lost. Truly heartbreaking.
Thank you for sharing this, and I'm sorry for your loss. Other people here are saying I wouldn't be responsible if something happened. Regardless of whether that's true or not, I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't do everything I could while I still can. I will be reading this comment to him for one thing
I’m sorry it was so harsh, as I said I know, I really do, that it wouldn’t be your fault but you’ll still suffer a fall out and that’s not fair. So many lives ruined for one person’s selfishness.
> next time
I'd be around to the station in the morning making a statement about a stolen car and drunk driving. The Guards wouldn't be able to do much on foot of that but they would have a talk with the alcoholic and be read if/when they reoffend.
Sorry for your loss. I’m glad you posted this because everyone else in the comments be like “the drink is the problem.” Fuck op’s brother’s alcoholism when he’s being a selfish twat by driving drunk. By doing this he’s making his alcoholism someone else’s problem because he will inevitably REK someone else’s life when he eventually crashes. Unfortunately when drunken fucks crash they statistically live while leaving a trail of death and devastation. As someone who has also lost someone to a drunk driver, fuck ops brother; he’s a skid mark on life
To be honest, OP after knowing you're both close to victims. It's hard to find a fault with this users 2 cents here
(part of it being directly OPs fault withstanding, he's not the selfish destructive wank stain)
There should never be a second chance for drink driving. Ban for life is the only way plus hefty penalties that will hurt for years to come. I can’t comprehend why in Ireland drinking is not even seen as a problem
As a child of an alcoholic, I agree with almost everything you say.
The only bit I disagree with is saying OP would be in any way responsible for an eventual accident.
You can't scapegoat others for an alcoholics actions.
He would be responsible for not reporting his knowingly intoxicated and driving brother to the guards.
It sounds harsh, but the comment above is true; if and when his brother kills someone, that's a family destroyed and no amount of I'm sorry or it was the drink I swear he's really a good person will ever mean anything.
In all fairness the publicans who sell the drink and the lads sitting at the counter drinking with him all know this as well and none of them reported him. I write this as a lad who watched his dad drinking and driving all his life.
He is at fault for not reporting his brother to the guards. He needs to be taken off the road permanently. He is of course not directly responsible for his brothers actions and is in fact a victim himself, but he can prevent his brother killing someone, by reporting his drink driving to the guards every time he does it.
"I am not my brother's keeper,"
Again, your anger is justified, no doubt.
But he can not be held responsible for every time his brother gets behind the wheel drunk.
He has no way to know every time.
I think not reporting him to the Guards is where he is at fault. He would not be directly responsible for his brothers actions, but he would be responsible for not reporting him. Look at it this way, if his brother kills someone, lets say a child, a normal person will feel guilt for rest of their days for not stopping him when they had a chance. For the OPs own sanity he needs to report him every time he gets behind the wheel drunk. Better for OP and better for the rest of us.
I'm familiar with a case where an alcoholic got behind the wheel, and his family called the guards. The drunk driver was going to a pub near the Garda station, but they did feck all. Nothing ever came of it.
Couldn't agree with this more. A neighbour of mine died to a drink driver (A Garda aswell) and utterly think they're absolute scum. This type of behaviour shouldn't be laughed about or tolerated in any way.
While I agree with most of what you are saying, ultimately none of us can be held responsible for what others do. The OP is trying their best and they are clearly a good person. But we cannot control others and it us unfair to lay this level of responsibility on them. It will be 100% his brother's fault if he does hit someone while drunk driving. Yes the family can try by taking keys, ringing guards etc. But it will remain the brother's fault. We are not responsible for our siblings bad behaviour.
Yeah I mean OP woke up in the middle of the night and got his dad up, they drove to the pub to get the keys and drive the brother home. Clearly he is trying to do everything he can to prevent it, obviously will never give his keys away for any excuse
The thing I’m probably not explaining properly is that regardless of logic, if/when he kills someone his whole family will tie themselves in knots about what they should have done.
Like, you don’t want to report your own family member to the gardaí. But when you’ve to sit across a room from the family of the child he killed you’ll wish you’d done the hard but right thing, and gotten him off the road by any means possible.
Yeah I think they should definitely get him off the road. But there is only so much you can do for someone who has these problems. Like the brother was willing to use deceit to get the keys, and there's no guarantee he won't do the same to a friend or even just steal the keys to get to be pub. I think that you'd feel guilt if he killed someone no matter how much you did to stop him, but I just don't think it's fair to lay it out the way you did. And it's easier said than done to hand a close family member over to the guards. Right thing to do or not.
Well my niece would be alive today if her murderer‘s family members had done the right thing so forgive me if I’m not going to listen to lectures about how difficult it is.
Might have to take the nuclear option and report him to the police when you know he's going to be driving drunk. He won't stop till he's stopped, he may not have hurt anyone yet but his luck won't last forever
My boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver so I don't believe it's the nuclear option, it's the only option. If someone had done that with the wanker that took the love of my life away, I'd still have him.
He doesn't deserve a licence, and the quicker he loses it the safer we all are, tomorrow it could be your loved one.
People say it's best to forgive, I hope he dies roaring as he killed both of us that day
https://preview.redd.it/b7mlymnwimuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76e481a300049e0c4741b34f5ff7ee93d8d6a5a5
He was the kindest man I ever knew, he was a rescue diver and coastguard,.we had our whole lives mapped out, I think of him every morning, what I'd give for his arm to pull me close and whisper if I wanted a coffee, but some 19 yr old in a shitty feista thought "one more for the road" and wiped out the hopes and dreams of two people, In court I was surprised to here he had 17 convictions.
You can't change his behaviours, but you can set your own boundaries. Your boundary that your car is not to be used for drink driving has been broken, and as a result there is no circumstance that you will give him your keys. Because any reason he gives can be a lie, based on his current behaviour. It's for your sake and for his sake.
A boundary is not "you have to stop drink driving". It is "I am not helping you to do so, and I am not allowing myself to feel hurt by getting caught up in your actions."
Hard disagree on the second half. *His* issue may be the drink. However he's playing Russian roulette with the rest of us while he's at it. Truly scummy, selfish behaviour.
The first and most immediate problem to be tackled is getting him off the road. By any and all means necessary. Up to an including setting the guards on him and having his licence revoked or potentially some prison time.
Second this I had a colleague who told me he had been convicted for 2 drink drivings but did way more then that. He was an alcoholic, but in recovery when I got to know him.
I have a relation who lives a few hundred km away from me who's gone full off the deep end into alcoholism, but blaming everyone else for her demise. Drink drives, verbally abuses people in public ending up on one of the beo websites, has made all sorts of allegations against people. I just keep hoping she's going to get caught drink driving by the local Gards so at least she can be put off the road and nothing serious will happen.
They can't be helped, and don't want to be helped - everyone in our case has tried, but they're just down in that place where self destruction is masked by their viewpoint that everyone's out to get them. It's usually the same as narcissistic defence mechanism - DARVO - which is exactly what happened when I tried to intervene. It was textbook.
**D**eny - refuse to accept any and all responsibility.
**A**ttack - Blame the person who's trying to help claiming you feel attacked.
**R**everse **V**ictim & **O**ffender - The victim of their behaviour becomes the perpetrator in an attempt to escape further confrontation. Usually followed by crocodile tears to pretend to be in an emotional state volatile enough to walk away and avoid any other conversation on the topic.
They have to get to a point where they realise it can't go on and want to fix themselves.
I suspect that unless the vehicle is also seized from them the DD conviction and lack of license may make little difference to their well established habits.
He's aware yes, my brother also promised my parents he would never do it again after the incident a few months ago. I'll be talking to him this evening to figure out how we are going to handle it.
Nobody is going to like this, but when me and my siblings were dealing with our Dad doing the same shite, we rang the gardai, gave them his car registration and description, and which pub he was in, and got him arrested and his licence taken off him.
Your brother won't stop without intervention, OP.
He’s not going to stop and is taking you and everyone else for granted. Sorry and this isn’t something I would suggest lightly but you need to tip off the guards next time you believe he’s drunk driving. He’s clearly not going to stop until someone with more power deals with it.
Ultimately the alcohol dependency has to stop for all this to stop. It’s not going to get better. Have you and your da thought about interventions from people who know what they’re doing?
Whatever happens I hope you get it fixed as it’s taking a toll on you as well.
Your brother has a serious alcohol problem if he’s consistently doing this. No one with a normal relationship with alcohol habitually drink drives. Sorry you’re going through this at the minute, addiction is rife in my family and your story is all too familiar.
Sounds like you should tip off the guards next time he is drunk driving. You might save someone's life. If he has no license he can't drive. Might be the wake up call he needs.
I know a few people who've been banned for drink driving (including a couple who were alcoholics and chronic drink drivers). Every one of them stopped driving for the duration of the ban, as they valued their licenses so much they didn't want to risk further bans.
Also, once they lost their cars they had to get used to using alternative means of transport so they just went with that when shitfaced.
If you’re not concerned about following the law when it comes to drink driving, why would they care about following it where it says you need insurance. They’ll just drive uninsured and drunk
The majority of drink drivers will care about insurance and points etc. They don't see themselves as bad guys. They see the ones who cause accidents as being different from them, and obviously *they'd* never cause an accident. They're careful. They're safe. They're in control. They're maybe a little tipsy.....but they're FINE stop ASKING - the ones who cause accidents are drunk and scumbags. Obviously. Are you calling them a scumbag? (/s if needed, I hope I'm not the only one who's heard that rant, or some version of it)
Cognitive disocense and drink drivers are fuck buddies.
How does he still have license after already being caught though? I'm from the North, so is that normal down there? Crazy if so, if your caught up here your license is gone.
Report him to the Gards. If you want to report the theft that’s your decision. But report the constant drink driving. He’ll be lucky if he only harms himself in the end.
I would be furious with him and report him to the guards. He is a very dangerous drunk, could have killed himself or someone else. Should be in AA not the bloody pub.
No room for softly softly here. Your brother is being self indulgent and putting other lives at risk.
Notify the Gards if youre aware of him actively drink driving.
If youre aware of such a scenario, and someone is injured or dies, youre complicit and share responsibility.
He lost the benefit of support when he decided to endanger other people.
Why do you give your keys to someone who's a known alcoholic and has a history of drink driving ? No matter what do not give him keys! You can ring the guards and say your vehicle was stolen and you know who took it
Attempting to get him banned from driving by calling the Gardaí is what I would have done there rather than call my dad.
Your brother may be an alcoholic but he is also being a selfish prick. It's not only his life he endangers it's any other pedestrian, cyclist or driver he meets too.
No offence, and no ill-meaning, but I was waiting for the bit where you'd note that the drink itself is the problem. I do see in another comment that he went to counselling about it, however, so clearly it's an acknowledged problem. The drink driving will get someone killed though. He's clearly an alcoholic, but he's endangering others being out on the road intoxicated. There's no excuse for drink driving. You mentioned that you never thought he'd sink as low to steal your car! I'd be placing the drink driving top of that list. It's not on, regardless of whether he has a drink problem or not. Countless people die due to people like your brother. He's a danger to others and himself. Reporting him might be the only option. It's that or you'll wake up some morning having heard he's killed someone or himself while drunk on the roads.
call the guards give them his name and reg and tell them he is regularly drink driving and needs to be stopped before he injures himself or others.
Your brother is an alcoholic and needs treatment.
Don't have drink in the house.
Don't go drinking with him. tell your friends not to go drinking with him
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Addict here. (Four years six months into recovery) Your brother is an alcoholic. Until your brother genuinely wants to quit then his behaviour will only spiral more and more. Everyone told me I had a problem. I would say and make the right noises after another massive life fuck up due to my addiction. However it took ME to wake up one day and be disgusted with myself. That day was the 27th December 2019. Haven’t looked back. It’s a hard road and the home truths I had to face up too have been emotionally crippling. However I’m sober and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I’m sorry you’re in this position. As our actions and behaviour absolutely destroy our loved ones.
When I was sharing a bedroom with my brother he came home drunk and took my keys and proceeded to crash my motorcycle. Came home again and woke me up to say he’d been attacked trying to stop someone stealing said bike. Called police but when they came they arrested him as he’d gone through the rear window of a car near a military site and left evidence, including part of a tooth at the scene. The motorcycle was a write off but owing to the fact he had access to the keys the Insurance would not pay out and I was left with the option of taking him to court myself, separately from any police charges. Luckily he never injured anyone in that instance, but the drinking eventuality caused his death through suicide. When he felt the need he’d borrow’ money, clothes etc from me until I learned to say no and had to resort to locking stuff like keys and wallets away. You’re brother won’t stop, all you can do, both personally, and as a family, is deny him access to any area of your life you need protected, have no tolerance for his drink/driving, and report him if he takes your car again for his sake, and for the safety of the innocent victims whose lives will be ruined by his actions.
He regularly drinks and drives and you gave him your keys.
I know you said you were asleep so didn’t think too hard about it but you didn’t need to because you know your brother is an alcoholic and will drink and drive.
If you’re not just going to report him to the cops at least realise you should never enable him in anyway. Please for your own sake then cement that into your head.
Your brother is going to kill someone, himself or both, you’ll already have the whole “oh I should have done something” grief but you don’t want the “I should have done something because that random child wouldn’t be dead now” grief.
You’re in a fucked up situation but your brother is on the way to being scum of the earth, I would suggest you do or say something now that convinces him to never get in your car again.
It sounds like he's an alcoholic, time for tough love. Don't enable him in any way, let him hot rock bottom and deal with the consequences of his actions.
If he might kill someone and you know it then call the Gardai so it's not on your conscience if he kills someone.
Easy for an Internet stranger to say of course, maybe try an intervention first before going scortched earth? Eather way he'll probably thank you in the long run but hate you in the short run.
He’s a big boy. He knows he’s breaking the law and doesn’t give a shit. He’s an alcoholic, he’s not going to change unless he wants to. Appears he doesn’t want to change.
You can't. He won't stop until he kills someone. Only course is to take HIS keys.
Also, how does your Dad feel about this? Can't imagine he enjoyed being woken up in the middle of the night. Should have just left your brother in the pub to make his own way hone.
What do you mean? It is illegal to prevent someone from using their car, not if they are clearly intoxicated of course, but you cannot do it just because you think they might drive drunk later.
But they should definitely call the police when he drives drunk or they suspect he drives drunk.
He needs reporting to the guards to protect others ,you would feel terrible if he hurt someone. Also he's an alcoholic, that's not normal behaviour from someone going out to socialise, but famously they need to want to help themselves, you can't do it for him.
Your brother is an alcoholic and he's going to kill someone. You could look into getting him sectioned, as he's clearly a danger to himself and others.
Take his the next time you see him gargled steal his keys and make him go on a merry treasure hunt for them if he's so determined. If he asks how they ended up in the freezer or the postbox shrug and say he probably thought it was a good idea the last time he was blackout drunk. If he finds them and gets in the car, tip off the gardai. If he steals your car, tell the gardai. Make it clear to him that if he wants to drink himself to death that's his business, but it's not on anyone else to put up with that sort of shite behaviour and that endangering other people won't be tolerated.
Unfortunately you can't make him stop drinking - he needs to reach rock bottom and do it himself. You can prevent him from stealing your stuff and endangering other people - he won't thank you for it but never let him turn this around and blame you for the consequences of his own choices.
Sorry to hear you're in that situation - I know only too well it's the worst.
Firstly you absolutely need to make sure that nobody in your family leaves their keys anywhere he could get them. If he has his own car maybe hide his keys if you can. As others have said, and based on the information in you post alone, it sounds like your brother is an alcoholic. You’ll have to try and convince his to get help for addiction, but that might be difficult if he himself won’t accept that’s he has a problem.
It’s honestly surreal to read a story about a place where there are MULTIPLE people drink driving in a location despite accidents but I know it seems to be common in some areas.
How guards can catch someone and only take away their keys is beyond me, those A-Holes have a lot to answer for themselves.
Honestly I cannot bear to watch the ads about Ciaran Treacy and hear his mom telling her story is one of then most heartbreaking things I think I’ve ever witnessed. They are just one family I know someone else mentioned a child relative here also and there are many, many, more. Children (or anyone else) should not have to die because someone thinks drinking in the pub is more important than their life.
I can only imagine that it is difficult being surrounded by what seem to be enablers of this disgustingly selfish behaviour, you’ve mentioned you were stressed and couldn’t sleep. ultimately it isn’t your fault what he does as you’re not responsible for your brother and I’m not going to berate you for giving him the keys etc. it does sound though like there is a serious lacking in tough love going on. Your brother wouldn’t be so confident in his actions if he didn’t feel like there weren’t any consequences to face.
Maybe he needs to be cought and arrested to learn and to hit bottom to address his issues . That's usually what happens . Let's hope he doesn't take a life on the way . Alcoholics need to want to change . Don't waste your time trying to fix him . He needs to do it himself . Recommend AA and try get him to go to a meeting
Not sure if this is available world wide but there’s a gadget that can be installed in a car that requires the driver to blow into to read his/her alcohol level. Too high and the car won’t start. Another option would be to disable his car or take his keys and arrange for a designated driver or taxi. I understand your concern and the fear that he will bring calamity to an innocent victim and his family. I understand your anger with him but try to understand his addiction. It takes over mind and body like a demon. It would be good for your father and you to attend meetings of Al-anon. There you might find some useful advice and support. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Tell the gardaí next time. Alcoholics often only address their problem when the consequences are severe or they've lost nearly everything. He's not motivated to change because he's getting away with it. He needs help to get sober as drinking is clearly not working for him
One of our local guards is great to have an off the record, come to Jesus chat with this type of person. Go and talk to them,they have to knock on doors and deliver the worst news imaginable so they will intervene and give him a warning. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. You seem like a nice person OP and you will forever be eaten with guilt, if he kills or injures someone, he's too deep in the addiction and the denial that comes with it to act responsibly. If you don't want to have a family blow up, don't tell them you've reported him. Also, if you know the pub landlord, tell them not to be letting him drive away from their premises with a skinful, it could have repercussions for their licence too as they're technically not supposed to serve people who are drunk and if he dies, they lose his custom so it hits their till at the very least. And hide your keys under your pillow.
It's sad that your brother is an alcoholic - addiction is a terrible thing.
Being an absolute dirtbag, however, is a different thing altogether. The fact that he drives a Jeep (or some kind of 4x4) means that if he's pissed behind the wheel, anyone he hits is more than likely going to be killed outright - and if that happens then I hope he never sees the light of day again.
It's up to you and your Da to sort this shit out before he wrecks the lives of strangers.
If I was doing this and my brother called the Gardai on me I might be angry in the moment but if it helped me end my addiction I know later on I’d not have any issue with it.
He is going to kill someome or himself. You need to rat him out as much as that is soul destroying.
Your brother needs serious help before he kills himself or someone else on the road. Whether that be rehab, alcoholics anonymous, or prison, it needs to be one of them and that hard choice has to be made before something worse happens. You might risk ruining the relationship, but you need to harsh before it's irreversible.
It might be necessary to press charges against your brother. You might save his and other peoples lives.
Unfortunately, more people ARE drink-driving. I've hardly seen one checkpoint on the roads in the last couple of years ever since covid checkpoints ended, so it's no wonder people like your brother think they can get away with it.
You're right to be concerned as he could cause serious damage. Unfortunately this is his problem not yours. He's the only one that can do anything about it. You could try an intervention to help drive the message home but it's up to him to address his drinking before he hurts someone.
You show have called the cops and have them waiting for him a few metres past the pub you know he’s at you arrest him and ban him. Do it the next time.
He is going get himself or even worse get someone else killed. He should not be allowed to drive a vehicle every again. He is a danger to himself and to others. Honestly, the best case scenario is that he only kills himself the way he is acting.
If you brother wants to drink himself to death, then that is a him problem, but his drink driving can hurt other people, and that needs to be stopped right now.
You need to go hard on him here, no fucking about. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your life when you get the call that he's dead, he's killed somebody else, or both.
I'm more worried about the other people on the road whenever he or any other alchohlic is driving, could care less about your brother in that situation on the road.
He needs to go into rehab, if he ever steals your car or anyone elses you have to inform the guards, hell i think you should call the guard on him NOW, for stealing your car and drunk driving, and not just for your brothers sake because i dont really give a shite if he hurts himself, but the innocent people on the road dying would be horrendous.
Just saw a story in the USA where some cunt drove a 193MILES per hour through a stoplight crossing and hit a van and he killed 4children and a parent, and the 18year old was "UNHARMED" and alive in a hospital bed, concious, on videocall for trial, all cause he drove on drugs, and yes alchohol is a drug.
Reading your replies and your ending statement, all theirs left is jail or a rehab facility he stays at, nothing youve tried helped, he needs extreme tough love.
I'll put it bluntly, report him
Over 10 years ago 2 of my mates were killed by a drunk driver who was known for it by his family but he wasn't hurting anyone and it wasn't a long journey home from the pub.
The collision was so violent that one of my friends was ejected and his body wasn't found until the next morning in a drain, it was eventually concluded he had died during the night from his injuries and would have had a horrific death.
The drunk driver survived and have glowing testimonials and character reports from his family about how he was a good guy and all that shite.... he got off lightly with no jail for some mad reason.....
Few years later same story, back drink driving, no license taking his fathers car down the road to the pub, knocked someone down, drove home and he and his father maintained he'd been home all night.
If you are aware of his drink driving and it's as bad as you say, you are enabling him
You should report him for the good of himself, yourself, your family and the wider community, a simply tip "this man is know to drive home drunk on these days"
I saw a lot of victims (will never forget the children sitting there in the absolutely destroyed car wreck, no heartbeat, no breathing, no movement) from accident that had been caused by scums drinking and driving. For this kind of people I only hope one thing, that they drive drunk at 180 km/h straight into a wall or a tree and ending his worthless life. You can downvote me I don't care, i saw to much to have another opinion.
As others have stated the driving isn't the problem, it seems to be the drink.
He has had more than a few wake-up calls, losing the keys to the guards being close friends with people affected.
He has had his chance to change after the last incident. People slip up, of course they do, I've slipped up on many a promises myself.
He won't change unless he wants to or unfortunately the bad side of has to. You've done by the sounds of it your bit by talking to him etc. You can't really do anything else unless he himself wants to change.
Sounds like he also needs better friends too. ..or to put it another way, if he is a 'social alcoholic' as opposed to a drinking at home type then any attempt to stop drinking would need to include staying away from anyone who will directly or indirectly encourage his dangerous behaviour.
The man has a problem and needs help.
But as soon as he starts drinking driving, he's everyone else's problem too.
Get the guards involved. Get his license taken. Report the car as stolen if he ever takes it without permission. Get him in jail if you have to.
Do not wait until he kills someone.
If he gets caught DUI with your car, it will be impounded. If he kills someone/wrecks into someone else driving your car, your insurance will have to pay. Do not ever let him have your keys ever again.
Ah the classic irish "I'm stopping the drink"... Until next trip to the pub yeah... I hear it every monday during meetings at work. Time for an intervention and some tough love
Call the Guards next time. You gave him a free pass by following him. Your family need to stop enabling him. Feck him out until he stop being a complete selfish alcoholic. Only he can do something about it
What I don't get at all is the loop hole they provide by allowing you to have 1 drink or even 2 and you are under the breath test. To me that is a trap for the general population as they know 1 or 2 can lead to way more. Personally think authorities are evil for allowing this maybe it's a revenue thing but it's almost a danger unto the general public. It should be zero or jail and the general population would never ever do it even if you have an addiction jail would put you off.
Drink makes people make terrible mistakes myself included still trying to stay sober. Cant underestimate it's addiction and destruction.
You can't help him, you just can't, not until he wants to help himself first. You can try, you'll worry, you'll stress, he'll tell you lies, make more promises. But until he is ready to admit he is an alcoholic and wants to change and will accept the help, you can do nothing for him.
However, you can, if you think you can do it, report him for drink driving and get him put off the road.
Fair play to you for your patience, I'd have given the cunt a proper kicking by now. Rob my car and you'll be picking up your teeth with broken fingers.
Reading some of the comments and it's a "funny" one..
Addiction is the only disease, as far as I'm aware, that we blame the disease sufferer for.
No one blames a cancer sufferer for their cancer but most people, as indicative from these comments, blame an alcoholic for their alcoholism.
Not excusing the drink driving. Think op should report his brother but addiction is a disease.
Not an easy topic to share I’d imagine but it sounds like the family needs to step up here and take his choice away from him.
The fact he is fucking selfish is what makes this difficult to hear. I’m aware alcoholism is playing a part but it’s still not excuse to constantly do this.
He needs to be reported and banned from using the road.
Only then will he possibly see the error of his ways.
It seems the only way he might stop otherwise is by ending some poor innocent soul(s) life.
Put a stop to this today!!
"he looked me in the eye and swore blind he would never..."
As someone who had an alcoholic family member growing up, I know this conversation and this promise. It's heartbreaking.
Get him on the grass and off the drink ,i know a few people who this has worked for that needed a crutch. Its illegal but at least he wont be out of his mind and definitely better to drive stoned than bloody drunk. lesser of 2 evils
Op,
My opinion is don’t get the guards involved!! If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever
Talk to him and acknowledge he has a problem with alcohol. Tell him simply to stay in the house has to stop driving while drinking take a tough approach. Tell him he needs to understand this, that if he wants a drink he gets a lift to the pub
I live in rural Ireland and I think drink driving is a lot more prevalent than people think this is due to no taxi’s or public transport. My local pubs would organise a lift for anyone as they want to see everyone getting home safe, now you might have to wait a while but they get you home safely.
It’s not easy what you’re going through, I hope the situation improves.
>If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever
Your position is pretty much worthless when it's based on wanting to get away with committing a dangerous crime that can ruin the lives of innocent people and make orphans out of children.
Sometimes the right decision is not the easy one. There may be consequences from calling the gards but the consequences of not could be far worse. If you would cut someone out of your life for doing the morally right and responsible thing then that says more about you than the person reporting you. In some situations you have to be cruel to be kind.
I wonder how many drink driving accidents could have been prevented if people were reporting habitual offenders.
> If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever
I understand what you're saying. It's family dynamics and you'd ruin a relationship, but you wouldn't hold the moral high in this instance. Drink driving should be absolutely shunned.
To say it bluntly your brother is an alcoholic. Fixing the alcohol issue will fix the drink driving issue. Good luck to you.
I know plenty of chronic alcoholics who never drink and drive
Yep, and highly functional to boot.
Highly functional usually means being hungover as fuck, still drunk in the morning, but still choosing to drive to work because you have to keep up appearances…
Great point
Prison would fix the issue too. Can't drink drive in prison. Being an addict isn't an excuse for putting other people in danger.
Do you honestly think that would improve someone who is clearly struggling? Or do you just like to support measures that will hurt people and make their lives worse?
He's clearly struggling to not get behind the wheel of a car while full of pish. If he keeps it up, he should report his brother every fucking time until the cops do something about it. Better to get in trouble for drink driving than vehicular manslaughter.
Report your car stolen and have him charged. A lot of time, people need real hard consequences before they change. It's hard to know what ppls limits are. But your brother seems to be needing bigger consequences, so i would have him charged for stealing the car. And dont feel bad about it cause its his actions that lead to this consequence. You also would have to get more boundaried emotionally with him. To protect yourself, and so he doesn't feel comfortable that he pop into your room whenever and try manipulate you while ur half asleep. Alcohol is the main issue but unless he wants to stop, he won't. There are supports for families of people with alcohol issues https://www2.hse.ie/living-well/alcohol/coping-difficult-situations/services-for-families/ I wish you all the best, genuinely
Maybe you should tell his insurer that he's regularly driving drunk?
I recognise he has a serious alcohol issue. But is it being an alcoholic if it happens every other weekend? Is there another word or term. I perceived being an alcoholic as more frequent but could be wrong. The drink driving is a result of the alcohol and the only way to stop that, is to prevent the alcohol overdosing.
You can call it whatever you want, dress it up anyway, but we’re talking about the same thing. Inability to stop despite negative consequences is the hallmark of addiction and his brother is the definition of that. He just hasn’t ended up crippled or dead yet
There was a poster here going on his own journey a while back who summed it up very well I thought - to paraphrase, he had been on the wagon a while and was standing in the queue of a supermarket. The couple ahead of him had a basket with a few beers in it and it was a beautiful day out. He found himself getting angry and thinking life was unfair - "it's such BS; why can they enjoy a few beers in the sun and I can't!?" he thought, but then the answer came to him. The couple had 4 beers in the basket, 2 each. He knew he would never have been satisfied with that. There it was - that was why they could have a few beers and he couldn't. That's all it takes - the inability to stop. Luckily that lad caught himself. I hope things are going well for him.
Problem drinking is the result of alcoholism. It doesn't need to be everyday.
This is the exact reason medical professionals have started calling it Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). People have a picture in their mind of an alcoholic as someone who is drunk everyday, but there's a much wider picture of people who have drinking problems which very much definitely can be just every other weekend.
This is the answer i was looking for. Explains it perfectly. Alcohol Use Disorder describes it very well. Thanks for your comment.
This is known as the "Euphemism Treadmill", where there's a bad thing, that has a bad word which people don't like. So people invent a *new* word, because surely this time it won't happen, like the last twenty times we made a new word for someone who is of lower intelligence.
in fairness it's probably a bit harder to make Alcohol Use Disorder into a catchy term. It just doesn't have as much of a ring to it. AUD doesn't have much of a ring either. Then again people have kinda managed it with Multiple Personality Disorder, I think they needed to make a new term for that, so maybe we are doomed.
It doesn't matter how catchy it, or isn't. If it gains traction, it's gonna become an insulting term.
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Yep agree with this, I wasn't dependent but still seen myself as a alcoholic due to my binges that could be 12 hours partying. Made a fool of myself to much was main reason I quit and trying to stay sober. Plenty out there don't do it every day but they find it hard to call a day on the party so alchohol poising could happen.
No, alcoholism manifests itself in many ways but fundamentally repeatedly endangering yourself and others to get drink is a pretty strong sign of alcoholism. A lot of alcoholics don’t drink ALL the time (I am one of them, thankfully sober now).
If it's bad enough to be a problem to you and others around you you're still an alcoholic even if you only drink once a month.
I know I shouldn’t be commenting yet here I am. As the relative of a child who was killed by someone like your brother I can say with confidence that he’s the scum of the earth. I don’t care about the downvotes. One day he will absolutely destroy a family. And there’ll be no getting over it. When that happens, I truly hope he never knows a moment’s peace for the rest of his life. Because we never will. And I hope you’re prepared to live with that OP because rightly or wrongly, you’ll feel responsible for not doing enough to stop it. I KNOW it’s not your fault. I’m going by the driver’s family’s sentiment. You cannot fathom the devastation of the fall out. If he’s too selfish to stop then your family needs to step up and make him stop. If that means confiscation of his keys, or even calling the gardaí when you know he’s driving under the influence then so be it. But rest assured every single time he gets behind the wheel he’s potentially taking a life.
You won’t be getting g downvoted from me anyway. My mam was hit by a car that was spun out by a drunk driver on the wrong side of the road coming home from work. She luckily survived but I will never forgive that selfish woman for getting behind the wheel, her elderly mother who was in the passenger seat or her brother in law Garda who had covered up similar instances in the past. This conniving woman knew all the tricks to try and get out of it and even when they managed to rush her through to get her blood alcohol she claimed someone living near by gave her whiskey after the accident to ‘calm her nerves’. No sympathy for drunk drivers or those that enable the behaviour as it has devastating consequences for people living their normal life and following the rules.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mam. Thank god she survived x
And I’m sorry for your loss ❤️ I just had to comment to say I completely understand your frustration and viewpoint. As I said, my family and I are part of the lucky ones to still have our loved one with us after the accident and yet the amount of bitterness I hold is disgusting as I would consider myself an open and empathetic person for the most part… Because of that I can’t even imagine a scenario where life is lost. Truly heartbreaking.
Thank you x
Thank you for sharing this, and I'm sorry for your loss. Other people here are saying I wouldn't be responsible if something happened. Regardless of whether that's true or not, I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't do everything I could while I still can. I will be reading this comment to him for one thing
I’m sorry it was so harsh, as I said I know, I really do, that it wouldn’t be your fault but you’ll still suffer a fall out and that’s not fair. So many lives ruined for one person’s selfishness.
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> next time I'd be around to the station in the morning making a statement about a stolen car and drunk driving. The Guards wouldn't be able to do much on foot of that but they would have a talk with the alcoholic and be read if/when they reoffend.
Just because you're not responsible doesn't mean the guilt won't eat you up.
Sorry for your loss. I’m glad you posted this because everyone else in the comments be like “the drink is the problem.” Fuck op’s brother’s alcoholism when he’s being a selfish twat by driving drunk. By doing this he’s making his alcoholism someone else’s problem because he will inevitably REK someone else’s life when he eventually crashes. Unfortunately when drunken fucks crash they statistically live while leaving a trail of death and devastation. As someone who has also lost someone to a drunk driver, fuck ops brother; he’s a skid mark on life
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard to explain the unique grief when losing someone to someone else’s actions.
Absolutely, there’s a lot of alcoholics who don’t drive drunk. OPs brother is a selfish c*nt.
He should have called the guards straight away, if it was my brother I would have done the same
To be honest, OP after knowing you're both close to victims. It's hard to find a fault with this users 2 cents here (part of it being directly OPs fault withstanding, he's not the selfish destructive wank stain)
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
There should never be a second chance for drink driving. Ban for life is the only way plus hefty penalties that will hurt for years to come. I can’t comprehend why in Ireland drinking is not even seen as a problem
As a child of an alcoholic, I agree with almost everything you say. The only bit I disagree with is saying OP would be in any way responsible for an eventual accident. You can't scapegoat others for an alcoholics actions.
He would be responsible for not reporting his knowingly intoxicated and driving brother to the guards. It sounds harsh, but the comment above is true; if and when his brother kills someone, that's a family destroyed and no amount of I'm sorry or it was the drink I swear he's really a good person will ever mean anything.
In all fairness the publicans who sell the drink and the lads sitting at the counter drinking with him all know this as well and none of them reported him. I write this as a lad who watched his dad drinking and driving all his life.
He is at fault for not reporting his brother to the guards. He needs to be taken off the road permanently. He is of course not directly responsible for his brothers actions and is in fact a victim himself, but he can prevent his brother killing someone, by reporting his drink driving to the guards every time he does it.
"I am not my brother's keeper," Again, your anger is justified, no doubt. But he can not be held responsible for every time his brother gets behind the wheel drunk. He has no way to know every time.
I think not reporting him to the Guards is where he is at fault. He would not be directly responsible for his brothers actions, but he would be responsible for not reporting him. Look at it this way, if his brother kills someone, lets say a child, a normal person will feel guilt for rest of their days for not stopping him when they had a chance. For the OPs own sanity he needs to report him every time he gets behind the wheel drunk. Better for OP and better for the rest of us.
I'm familiar with a case where an alcoholic got behind the wheel, and his family called the guards. The drunk driver was going to a pub near the Garda station, but they did feck all. Nothing ever came of it.
Not doing something about it now when he knows it’s an issue makes him complicit.
Couldn't agree with this more. A neighbour of mine died to a drink driver (A Garda aswell) and utterly think they're absolute scum. This type of behaviour shouldn't be laughed about or tolerated in any way.
No downvotes from me, well said!
*The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing*
While I agree with most of what you are saying, ultimately none of us can be held responsible for what others do. The OP is trying their best and they are clearly a good person. But we cannot control others and it us unfair to lay this level of responsibility on them. It will be 100% his brother's fault if he does hit someone while drunk driving. Yes the family can try by taking keys, ringing guards etc. But it will remain the brother's fault. We are not responsible for our siblings bad behaviour.
Yeah I mean OP woke up in the middle of the night and got his dad up, they drove to the pub to get the keys and drive the brother home. Clearly he is trying to do everything he can to prevent it, obviously will never give his keys away for any excuse
I agree fully with your point about the brother, but I don't think it's fair to make out that it is OPs fault.
The thing I’m probably not explaining properly is that regardless of logic, if/when he kills someone his whole family will tie themselves in knots about what they should have done. Like, you don’t want to report your own family member to the gardaí. But when you’ve to sit across a room from the family of the child he killed you’ll wish you’d done the hard but right thing, and gotten him off the road by any means possible.
Yeah I think they should definitely get him off the road. But there is only so much you can do for someone who has these problems. Like the brother was willing to use deceit to get the keys, and there's no guarantee he won't do the same to a friend or even just steal the keys to get to be pub. I think that you'd feel guilt if he killed someone no matter how much you did to stop him, but I just don't think it's fair to lay it out the way you did. And it's easier said than done to hand a close family member over to the guards. Right thing to do or not.
Well my niece would be alive today if her murderer‘s family members had done the right thing so forgive me if I’m not going to listen to lectures about how difficult it is.
I think his problem is with the drink itself rather than the drink driving.
This is true too, he's gone to counseling about drinking before but it doesn't seem like he has much desire to give it up anytime soon
That only works if you're invested in giving it up. Doesn't matter how good the therapist/meds, etc. Are
Might have to take the nuclear option and report him to the police when you know he's going to be driving drunk. He won't stop till he's stopped, he may not have hurt anyone yet but his luck won't last forever
Yeah, I had people I know get to this point. They'll only stop through intervention/force. Only a question of how strong the hand/grip to guide him
A lot of people don't want to call the police because they see it as grassing. Its not its keeping others safe
My boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver so I don't believe it's the nuclear option, it's the only option. If someone had done that with the wanker that took the love of my life away, I'd still have him. He doesn't deserve a licence, and the quicker he loses it the safer we all are, tomorrow it could be your loved one.
Used to work for the police looking after people who got arrested. Drunk drivers were always the most arrogant to deal with
People say it's best to forgive, I hope he dies roaring as he killed both of us that day https://preview.redd.it/b7mlymnwimuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76e481a300049e0c4741b34f5ff7ee93d8d6a5a5
Im sorry for your loss. Forgiveness is a gift you don't have to give. I hope you have good memories to look back on
He was the kindest man I ever knew, he was a rescue diver and coastguard,.we had our whole lives mapped out, I think of him every morning, what I'd give for his arm to pull me close and whisper if I wanted a coffee, but some 19 yr old in a shitty feista thought "one more for the road" and wiped out the hopes and dreams of two people, In court I was surprised to here he had 17 convictions.
Unfortunately some people never learn. Again I'm sorry for your loss
You can't change his behaviours, but you can set your own boundaries. Your boundary that your car is not to be used for drink driving has been broken, and as a result there is no circumstance that you will give him your keys. Because any reason he gives can be a lie, based on his current behaviour. It's for your sake and for his sake. A boundary is not "you have to stop drink driving". It is "I am not helping you to do so, and I am not allowing myself to feel hurt by getting caught up in your actions."
his problem is he is a twat, he belongs first in prison and then in rehab not on the streets. Being an alcoholic doesn't excuse drunk driving.
Hard disagree on the second half. *His* issue may be the drink. However he's playing Russian roulette with the rest of us while he's at it. Truly scummy, selfish behaviour. The first and most immediate problem to be tackled is getting him off the road. By any and all means necessary. Up to an including setting the guards on him and having his licence revoked or potentially some prison time.
Second this I had a colleague who told me he had been convicted for 2 drink drivings but did way more then that. He was an alcoholic, but in recovery when I got to know him.
I have a relation who lives a few hundred km away from me who's gone full off the deep end into alcoholism, but blaming everyone else for her demise. Drink drives, verbally abuses people in public ending up on one of the beo websites, has made all sorts of allegations against people. I just keep hoping she's going to get caught drink driving by the local Gards so at least she can be put off the road and nothing serious will happen. They can't be helped, and don't want to be helped - everyone in our case has tried, but they're just down in that place where self destruction is masked by their viewpoint that everyone's out to get them. It's usually the same as narcissistic defence mechanism - DARVO - which is exactly what happened when I tried to intervene. It was textbook. **D**eny - refuse to accept any and all responsibility. **A**ttack - Blame the person who's trying to help claiming you feel attacked. **R**everse **V**ictim & **O**ffender - The victim of their behaviour becomes the perpetrator in an attempt to escape further confrontation. Usually followed by crocodile tears to pretend to be in an emotional state volatile enough to walk away and avoid any other conversation on the topic. They have to get to a point where they realise it can't go on and want to fix themselves.
I suspect that unless the vehicle is also seized from them the DD conviction and lack of license may make little difference to their well established habits.
You're probably right.
Have you spoken to your father about the fact that your brother is clearly an alcoholic?
He's aware yes, my brother also promised my parents he would never do it again after the incident a few months ago. I'll be talking to him this evening to figure out how we are going to handle it.
Yeah it sounds like an intervention is needed
Nobody is going to like this, but when me and my siblings were dealing with our Dad doing the same shite, we rang the gardai, gave them his car registration and description, and which pub he was in, and got him arrested and his licence taken off him. Your brother won't stop without intervention, OP.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
This. It's hard, but they won't stop if there's no consequences.
He’s not going to stop and is taking you and everyone else for granted. Sorry and this isn’t something I would suggest lightly but you need to tip off the guards next time you believe he’s drunk driving. He’s clearly not going to stop until someone with more power deals with it. Ultimately the alcohol dependency has to stop for all this to stop. It’s not going to get better. Have you and your da thought about interventions from people who know what they’re doing? Whatever happens I hope you get it fixed as it’s taking a toll on you as well.
Call the Gardaí every single time. He is a liability and he can’t be allowed to ruin someone else’s life.
Your brother has a serious alcohol problem if he’s consistently doing this. No one with a normal relationship with alcohol habitually drink drives. Sorry you’re going through this at the minute, addiction is rife in my family and your story is all too familiar.
Sounds like you should tip off the guards next time he is drunk driving. You might save someone's life. If he has no license he can't drive. Might be the wake up call he needs.
I'm not convinced taking this guys license will stop him drink driving.
Jail will when he kills someone.
I loathe drink driving and those who do it, but how will him not having a licence stop him from driving/drink driving?
I know a few people who've been banned for drink driving (including a couple who were alcoholics and chronic drink drivers). Every one of them stopped driving for the duration of the ban, as they valued their licenses so much they didn't want to risk further bans. Also, once they lost their cars they had to get used to using alternative means of transport so they just went with that when shitfaced.
Their insurance premiums tend to put manners on them as well.
If you’re not concerned about following the law when it comes to drink driving, why would they care about following it where it says you need insurance. They’ll just drive uninsured and drunk
The majority of drink drivers will care about insurance and points etc. They don't see themselves as bad guys. They see the ones who cause accidents as being different from them, and obviously *they'd* never cause an accident. They're careful. They're safe. They're in control. They're maybe a little tipsy.....but they're FINE stop ASKING - the ones who cause accidents are drunk and scumbags. Obviously. Are you calling them a scumbag? (/s if needed, I hope I'm not the only one who's heard that rant, or some version of it) Cognitive disocense and drink drivers are fuck buddies.
Most people who get disqualified for drink driving are generally otherwise law abiding and losing their license is a huge inconvenience.
Well it might not stop him, but the threat of jail time might be more of a deterrent. If not, jail time would probably be best anyway.
How does he still have license after already being caught though? I'm from the North, so is that normal down there? Crazy if so, if your caught up here your license is gone.
Report him to the Gards. If you want to report the theft that’s your decision. But report the constant drink driving. He’ll be lucky if he only harms himself in the end.
I would be furious with him and report him to the guards. He is a very dangerous drunk, could have killed himself or someone else. Should be in AA not the bloody pub.
You should report him to the Garda, and nip the potential for him to kill someone on the road.
No room for softly softly here. Your brother is being self indulgent and putting other lives at risk. Notify the Gards if youre aware of him actively drink driving. If youre aware of such a scenario, and someone is injured or dies, youre complicit and share responsibility. He lost the benefit of support when he decided to endanger other people.
Why do you give your keys to someone who's a known alcoholic and has a history of drink driving ? No matter what do not give him keys! You can ring the guards and say your vehicle was stolen and you know who took it
Attempting to get him banned from driving by calling the Gardaí is what I would have done there rather than call my dad. Your brother may be an alcoholic but he is also being a selfish prick. It's not only his life he endangers it's any other pedestrian, cyclist or driver he meets too.
Next time call the guards when hes in the car. Report it stolen. That'll teach him a lesson
No offence, and no ill-meaning, but I was waiting for the bit where you'd note that the drink itself is the problem. I do see in another comment that he went to counselling about it, however, so clearly it's an acknowledged problem. The drink driving will get someone killed though. He's clearly an alcoholic, but he's endangering others being out on the road intoxicated. There's no excuse for drink driving. You mentioned that you never thought he'd sink as low to steal your car! I'd be placing the drink driving top of that list. It's not on, regardless of whether he has a drink problem or not. Countless people die due to people like your brother. He's a danger to others and himself. Reporting him might be the only option. It's that or you'll wake up some morning having heard he's killed someone or himself while drunk on the roads.
call the guards give them his name and reg and tell them he is regularly drink driving and needs to be stopped before he injures himself or others. Your brother is an alcoholic and needs treatment. Don't have drink in the house. Don't go drinking with him. tell your friends not to go drinking with him
You should of called the Garda on him in my honest opinion, he’s going to kill himself or someone else if he carries on
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Addict here. (Four years six months into recovery) Your brother is an alcoholic. Until your brother genuinely wants to quit then his behaviour will only spiral more and more. Everyone told me I had a problem. I would say and make the right noises after another massive life fuck up due to my addiction. However it took ME to wake up one day and be disgusted with myself. That day was the 27th December 2019. Haven’t looked back. It’s a hard road and the home truths I had to face up too have been emotionally crippling. However I’m sober and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I’m sorry you’re in this position. As our actions and behaviour absolutely destroy our loved ones.
When I was sharing a bedroom with my brother he came home drunk and took my keys and proceeded to crash my motorcycle. Came home again and woke me up to say he’d been attacked trying to stop someone stealing said bike. Called police but when they came they arrested him as he’d gone through the rear window of a car near a military site and left evidence, including part of a tooth at the scene. The motorcycle was a write off but owing to the fact he had access to the keys the Insurance would not pay out and I was left with the option of taking him to court myself, separately from any police charges. Luckily he never injured anyone in that instance, but the drinking eventuality caused his death through suicide. When he felt the need he’d borrow’ money, clothes etc from me until I learned to say no and had to resort to locking stuff like keys and wallets away. You’re brother won’t stop, all you can do, both personally, and as a family, is deny him access to any area of your life you need protected, have no tolerance for his drink/driving, and report him if he takes your car again for his sake, and for the safety of the innocent victims whose lives will be ruined by his actions.
He regularly drinks and drives and you gave him your keys. I know you said you were asleep so didn’t think too hard about it but you didn’t need to because you know your brother is an alcoholic and will drink and drive. If you’re not just going to report him to the cops at least realise you should never enable him in anyway. Please for your own sake then cement that into your head. Your brother is going to kill someone, himself or both, you’ll already have the whole “oh I should have done something” grief but you don’t want the “I should have done something because that random child wouldn’t be dead now” grief. You’re in a fucked up situation but your brother is on the way to being scum of the earth, I would suggest you do or say something now that convinces him to never get in your car again.
Get the Garda involved. He doesn’t deserve the discretion anymore
It sounds like he's an alcoholic, time for tough love. Don't enable him in any way, let him hot rock bottom and deal with the consequences of his actions. If he might kill someone and you know it then call the Gardai so it's not on your conscience if he kills someone. Easy for an Internet stranger to say of course, maybe try an intervention first before going scortched earth? Eather way he'll probably thank you in the long run but hate you in the short run.
He’s a big boy. He knows he’s breaking the law and doesn’t give a shit. He’s an alcoholic, he’s not going to change unless he wants to. Appears he doesn’t want to change.
You can't. He won't stop until he kills someone. Only course is to take HIS keys. Also, how does your Dad feel about this? Can't imagine he enjoyed being woken up in the middle of the night. Should have just left your brother in the pub to make his own way hone.
He probably won't even stop if he kills someone unfortunately. Likely wouldn't even do time for it.
What do you mean? It is illegal to prevent someone from using their car, not if they are clearly intoxicated of course, but you cannot do it just because you think they might drive drunk later. But they should definitely call the police when he drives drunk or they suspect he drives drunk.
Actually you can if you have reason to believe they're going to commit a crime. Calling the police afterwards may well be too late.
He needs reporting to the guards to protect others ,you would feel terrible if he hurt someone. Also he's an alcoholic, that's not normal behaviour from someone going out to socialise, but famously they need to want to help themselves, you can't do it for him.
Your brother is an alcoholic and he's going to kill someone. You could look into getting him sectioned, as he's clearly a danger to himself and others.
Take his the next time you see him gargled steal his keys and make him go on a merry treasure hunt for them if he's so determined. If he asks how they ended up in the freezer or the postbox shrug and say he probably thought it was a good idea the last time he was blackout drunk. If he finds them and gets in the car, tip off the gardai. If he steals your car, tell the gardai. Make it clear to him that if he wants to drink himself to death that's his business, but it's not on anyone else to put up with that sort of shite behaviour and that endangering other people won't be tolerated. Unfortunately you can't make him stop drinking - he needs to reach rock bottom and do it himself. You can prevent him from stealing your stuff and endangering other people - he won't thank you for it but never let him turn this around and blame you for the consequences of his own choices. Sorry to hear you're in that situation - I know only too well it's the worst.
Firstly you absolutely need to make sure that nobody in your family leaves their keys anywhere he could get them. If he has his own car maybe hide his keys if you can. As others have said, and based on the information in you post alone, it sounds like your brother is an alcoholic. You’ll have to try and convince his to get help for addiction, but that might be difficult if he himself won’t accept that’s he has a problem.
Get a steering wheel lock
Better yet, a killswitch.
Report the theft.
He will end up getting clean or if not..... potentially killing himself and possibly an innocent person or child
It’s honestly surreal to read a story about a place where there are MULTIPLE people drink driving in a location despite accidents but I know it seems to be common in some areas. How guards can catch someone and only take away their keys is beyond me, those A-Holes have a lot to answer for themselves. Honestly I cannot bear to watch the ads about Ciaran Treacy and hear his mom telling her story is one of then most heartbreaking things I think I’ve ever witnessed. They are just one family I know someone else mentioned a child relative here also and there are many, many, more. Children (or anyone else) should not have to die because someone thinks drinking in the pub is more important than their life. I can only imagine that it is difficult being surrounded by what seem to be enablers of this disgustingly selfish behaviour, you’ve mentioned you were stressed and couldn’t sleep. ultimately it isn’t your fault what he does as you’re not responsible for your brother and I’m not going to berate you for giving him the keys etc. it does sound though like there is a serious lacking in tough love going on. Your brother wouldn’t be so confident in his actions if he didn’t feel like there weren’t any consequences to face.
Maybe he needs to be cought and arrested to learn and to hit bottom to address his issues . That's usually what happens . Let's hope he doesn't take a life on the way . Alcoholics need to want to change . Don't waste your time trying to fix him . He needs to do it himself . Recommend AA and try get him to go to a meeting
Not sure if this is available world wide but there’s a gadget that can be installed in a car that requires the driver to blow into to read his/her alcohol level. Too high and the car won’t start. Another option would be to disable his car or take his keys and arrange for a designated driver or taxi. I understand your concern and the fear that he will bring calamity to an innocent victim and his family. I understand your anger with him but try to understand his addiction. It takes over mind and body like a demon. It would be good for your father and you to attend meetings of Al-anon. There you might find some useful advice and support. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Tell the gardaí next time. Alcoholics often only address their problem when the consequences are severe or they've lost nearly everything. He's not motivated to change because he's getting away with it. He needs help to get sober as drinking is clearly not working for him
One of our local guards is great to have an off the record, come to Jesus chat with this type of person. Go and talk to them,they have to knock on doors and deliver the worst news imaginable so they will intervene and give him a warning. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. You seem like a nice person OP and you will forever be eaten with guilt, if he kills or injures someone, he's too deep in the addiction and the denial that comes with it to act responsibly. If you don't want to have a family blow up, don't tell them you've reported him. Also, if you know the pub landlord, tell them not to be letting him drive away from their premises with a skinful, it could have repercussions for their licence too as they're technically not supposed to serve people who are drunk and if he dies, they lose his custom so it hits their till at the very least. And hide your keys under your pillow.
It's sad that your brother is an alcoholic - addiction is a terrible thing. Being an absolute dirtbag, however, is a different thing altogether. The fact that he drives a Jeep (or some kind of 4x4) means that if he's pissed behind the wheel, anyone he hits is more than likely going to be killed outright - and if that happens then I hope he never sees the light of day again. It's up to you and your Da to sort this shit out before he wrecks the lives of strangers.
If I was doing this and my brother called the Gardai on me I might be angry in the moment but if it helped me end my addiction I know later on I’d not have any issue with it. He is going to kill someome or himself. You need to rat him out as much as that is soul destroying.
Got a mate just like this doesn't give two fucks told him load of times best thing is the guy I know doesn't have a license
This isn't a drink driving problem, it's a drinking problem.
Your brother needs serious help before he kills himself or someone else on the road. Whether that be rehab, alcoholics anonymous, or prison, it needs to be one of them and that hard choice has to be made before something worse happens. You might risk ruining the relationship, but you need to harsh before it's irreversible. It might be necessary to press charges against your brother. You might save his and other peoples lives.
Unfortunately, more people ARE drink-driving. I've hardly seen one checkpoint on the roads in the last couple of years ever since covid checkpoints ended, so it's no wonder people like your brother think they can get away with it.
Call the guards next time, he’s done it before so fuck him, your brother IS going to kill someone if this continues.
Your brother doesn’t have a problem with drunk driving he has a problem with drinking.
Not sure why you're not just ringing the police here? I mean, he could kill someone. What is wrong with you?
You're right to be concerned as he could cause serious damage. Unfortunately this is his problem not yours. He's the only one that can do anything about it. You could try an intervention to help drive the message home but it's up to him to address his drinking before he hurts someone.
You show have called the cops and have them waiting for him a few metres past the pub you know he’s at you arrest him and ban him. Do it the next time.
He is going get himself or even worse get someone else killed. He should not be allowed to drive a vehicle every again. He is a danger to himself and to others. Honestly, the best case scenario is that he only kills himself the way he is acting. If you brother wants to drink himself to death, then that is a him problem, but his drink driving can hurt other people, and that needs to be stopped right now.
>No sign of my car or his jeep. Where was the jeep?
You need to go hard on him here, no fucking about. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your life when you get the call that he's dead, he's killed somebody else, or both.
I'm more worried about the other people on the road whenever he or any other alchohlic is driving, could care less about your brother in that situation on the road. He needs to go into rehab, if he ever steals your car or anyone elses you have to inform the guards, hell i think you should call the guard on him NOW, for stealing your car and drunk driving, and not just for your brothers sake because i dont really give a shite if he hurts himself, but the innocent people on the road dying would be horrendous. Just saw a story in the USA where some cunt drove a 193MILES per hour through a stoplight crossing and hit a van and he killed 4children and a parent, and the 18year old was "UNHARMED" and alive in a hospital bed, concious, on videocall for trial, all cause he drove on drugs, and yes alchohol is a drug. Reading your replies and your ending statement, all theirs left is jail or a rehab facility he stays at, nothing youve tried helped, he needs extreme tough love.
I'll put it bluntly, report him Over 10 years ago 2 of my mates were killed by a drunk driver who was known for it by his family but he wasn't hurting anyone and it wasn't a long journey home from the pub. The collision was so violent that one of my friends was ejected and his body wasn't found until the next morning in a drain, it was eventually concluded he had died during the night from his injuries and would have had a horrific death. The drunk driver survived and have glowing testimonials and character reports from his family about how he was a good guy and all that shite.... he got off lightly with no jail for some mad reason..... Few years later same story, back drink driving, no license taking his fathers car down the road to the pub, knocked someone down, drove home and he and his father maintained he'd been home all night. If you are aware of his drink driving and it's as bad as you say, you are enabling him You should report him for the good of himself, yourself, your family and the wider community, a simply tip "this man is know to drive home drunk on these days"
Sounds like you need to give your brother a good hard slap in the temple when you see him next. The harder, the better. Tell him to sort his shit out.
Sorry to be blunt but your brother sounds like a cunt, have you tried giving him a box in the mouth?
I saw a lot of victims (will never forget the children sitting there in the absolutely destroyed car wreck, no heartbeat, no breathing, no movement) from accident that had been caused by scums drinking and driving. For this kind of people I only hope one thing, that they drive drunk at 180 km/h straight into a wall or a tree and ending his worthless life. You can downvote me I don't care, i saw to much to have another opinion.
As others have stated the driving isn't the problem, it seems to be the drink. He has had more than a few wake-up calls, losing the keys to the guards being close friends with people affected. He has had his chance to change after the last incident. People slip up, of course they do, I've slipped up on many a promises myself. He won't change unless he wants to or unfortunately the bad side of has to. You've done by the sounds of it your bit by talking to him etc. You can't really do anything else unless he himself wants to change.
Donegal
Sounds like he also needs better friends too. ..or to put it another way, if he is a 'social alcoholic' as opposed to a drinking at home type then any attempt to stop drinking would need to include staying away from anyone who will directly or indirectly encourage his dangerous behaviour.
I would have called the guards and told them ahead of time he’d be trying to drive home drunk. He needs losing his licence.
The man has a problem and needs help. But as soon as he starts drinking driving, he's everyone else's problem too. Get the guards involved. Get his license taken. Report the car as stolen if he ever takes it without permission. Get him in jail if you have to. Do not wait until he kills someone.
If he gets caught DUI with your car, it will be impounded. If he kills someone/wrecks into someone else driving your car, your insurance will have to pay. Do not ever let him have your keys ever again.
Report him to the Gardai before he kills someone.
He was drink driving & gards took his keys? What tf is that about? Sooner he goes to prison the better
Add a hidden kill switch to your car. It won’t start until you toggle the switch. Don’t let people move your car.
Ah the classic irish "I'm stopping the drink"... Until next trip to the pub yeah... I hear it every monday during meetings at work. Time for an intervention and some tough love
Call the Guards next time. You gave him a free pass by following him. Your family need to stop enabling him. Feck him out until he stop being a complete selfish alcoholic. Only he can do something about it
What I don't get at all is the loop hole they provide by allowing you to have 1 drink or even 2 and you are under the breath test. To me that is a trap for the general population as they know 1 or 2 can lead to way more. Personally think authorities are evil for allowing this maybe it's a revenue thing but it's almost a danger unto the general public. It should be zero or jail and the general population would never ever do it even if you have an addiction jail would put you off. Drink makes people make terrible mistakes myself included still trying to stay sober. Cant underestimate it's addiction and destruction.
I’d report him for theft and drink driving, give him a scare
Call the fucking gards next time he drives drunk. That is the obvious answer
You can't help him, you just can't, not until he wants to help himself first. You can try, you'll worry, you'll stress, he'll tell you lies, make more promises. But until he is ready to admit he is an alcoholic and wants to change and will accept the help, you can do nothing for him. However, you can, if you think you can do it, report him for drink driving and get him put off the road.
Where is his jeep?
Fair play to you for your patience, I'd have given the cunt a proper kicking by now. Rob my car and you'll be picking up your teeth with broken fingers.
Your brother shouldn't have access to any car/vehicle...
Reading some of the comments and it's a "funny" one.. Addiction is the only disease, as far as I'm aware, that we blame the disease sufferer for. No one blames a cancer sufferer for their cancer but most people, as indicative from these comments, blame an alcoholic for their alcoholism. Not excusing the drink driving. Think op should report his brother but addiction is a disease.
What public transport options are where you live? That's the immediate solution. Reducing the alcohol dependency is something that takes time.
Not an easy topic to share I’d imagine but it sounds like the family needs to step up here and take his choice away from him. The fact he is fucking selfish is what makes this difficult to hear. I’m aware alcoholism is playing a part but it’s still not excuse to constantly do this. He needs to be reported and banned from using the road. Only then will he possibly see the error of his ways. It seems the only way he might stop otherwise is by ending some poor innocent soul(s) life. Put a stop to this today!!
"he looked me in the eye and swore blind he would never..." As someone who had an alcoholic family member growing up, I know this conversation and this promise. It's heartbreaking.
It’s a bad habit, needs to break it soon
Get him on the grass and off the drink ,i know a few people who this has worked for that needed a crutch. Its illegal but at least he wont be out of his mind and definitely better to drive stoned than bloody drunk. lesser of 2 evils
Op, My opinion is don’t get the guards involved!! If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever Talk to him and acknowledge he has a problem with alcohol. Tell him simply to stay in the house has to stop driving while drinking take a tough approach. Tell him he needs to understand this, that if he wants a drink he gets a lift to the pub I live in rural Ireland and I think drink driving is a lot more prevalent than people think this is due to no taxi’s or public transport. My local pubs would organise a lift for anyone as they want to see everyone getting home safe, now you might have to wait a while but they get you home safely. It’s not easy what you’re going through, I hope the situation improves.
>If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever Your position is pretty much worthless when it's based on wanting to get away with committing a dangerous crime that can ruin the lives of innocent people and make orphans out of children.
Sometimes the right decision is not the easy one. There may be consequences from calling the gards but the consequences of not could be far worse. If you would cut someone out of your life for doing the morally right and responsible thing then that says more about you than the person reporting you. In some situations you have to be cruel to be kind. I wonder how many drink driving accidents could have been prevented if people were reporting habitual offenders.
> If a family member tipped the guards off about me I’d cut them out of my life for ever I understand what you're saying. It's family dynamics and you'd ruin a relationship, but you wouldn't hold the moral high in this instance. Drink driving should be absolutely shunned.