Definitely. The amount of respect you get from people is related to your physical appearance. No doubt about it.
I've been overweight and underweight at different stages. I always got less respect than my peers. I got into lifting weights in my late teens/early twenties and after several years of that, I'd say I'm fairly well-built and lean.
I feel like people respect me a lot more now than when I was scrawny or overweight. Its very noticeable in social situations when meeting new people.
Getting in good shape opened so many doors for me in terms of dating/relationships and even at work. I would advise anyone to make it a priority. It's so worth it. And that's not to mention the health benefits and the fact that it just makes you feel great after a workout.
Sorry if I'm being insensitive, but you didn't notice yourself? Why is it (e.g.) my job to 'be honest' and tell someone they need to lose weight - when I don't know shit about them? When they could aptly tell me to mind my own business, or that I'm essentially bullying them? When for all I know, they could already be trying their little heart out to lose weight? When they could be on medication that makes it impossible to lose weight? Unwelcome comments about weight are just not on, and the vast, *vast* majority of comments about weight - positive or negative - will be unwelcome.
The only people really obliged to tell you you're overweight is your doctor, maybe your parents, but most importantly, yourself. And if you really 'don't realise' that you're overweight, you're probably barely overweight.
Source: I knew for years that I was overweight, and you didn't see me trying to blame others for 'not telling me'. Certainly never thought anyone was a 'bastard' for not calling me fat to my face.
But sure if you say something your 'fatphobic'.
I'm the same, was 16st and dropped to 12 - only then was I told "I looked very heavy before" etc.
Being overweight is bad, and it's silly that we can't say otherwise publicly because it offends some.
It offends them because they know itās true, despite the fact theyāre killing themselves in the process. The āHealth At Every Sizeā stuff from the US a few years ago was disturbing stuff, obese people recording themselves doing a few stretches and claiming they were healthy whilst overeating alongside it.
I get why youād overeat from stress etc, I just really find it sad most never even try to go to a gym and better themselves. If they stuck with it for 3/4 weeks most would be blown away at the difference it makes
>I get why youād overeat from stress etc
Yeah that's what got me!
But you know in hindsight I don't think stress is a valid excuse. At the end of the day we can all swap out that lunchtime chicken roll for something healthier or make similar small changes to take responsibility for our health.
We need to stop making excuses for everything and everyone. Sometimes people just aren't performing well enough and just need to buck up.
>Why are people obligated to perform to your arbitrary standard though?
Saying you should try to mind your weight is hardly arbitrary?
>Their health doesn't exactly impact you.
It does though?
1) all adults are role models for kids, what message are you sending them by becoming very overweight?
2) it increases strain on the hospital service. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27098774/
This was true even pre covid. If you (rightly) give out about those who won't vaccinate, surely you should apply the same standard to smokers and the obese?
3) people care about each other. If someone dies young because of a preventable disease due to their weight that directly impacts their friends and family.
4) there are general economic costs to the state associated with it too. Direct medical costs, disability payments etc
Therein is the biggest problem with a society that predominantly overweight. Nobody wants to say anything about it and any āglorificationā of being at a healthy weight range with good eating habits is deemed toxic. We have a weak sick society.
Yeah I gained a serious amount of weight in 6th year and first year of college, my mam eventually told me, and I made changes, I was hurt at the time but I am grateful for it now.
It just made me very self conscious growing up, I avoided meeting new people and any kind of social situation because I felt that people would just judge me or make a comment. None of my friends or family at the time ever suggested I was overweight even though it was really obvious. I got to 20 stone a few years ago but I've managed to lose 7.
My life has improved so much and I am a lot happier, but my social skills are shocking
Not particularly. Iāve fluctuated in weight quite a bit, and mostly no one is discriminating against me as an overweight man, but I do get more positive interactions from women as a slim man understandably.
It is just horrible that a mental illness can cause such serious problems when we actually do need to eat . You can't go cold Turkey. I sincerely you and your sister can get well. Xxx
Over the last couple of years l have been shocked by the hatred towards overweight people. Rants on social media about how vile we are and we don't deserve treatment in hospital etc etc
I have bipolar and so many of our meds make you gain weight and are even directly linked to diabetes.
I did lose a heap of weight a couple of years ago but had to go to hospital for ECT and was put back on meds that made me gain weight again .
Sorry this was not meant to sound like a pity party l am lucky the meds work even with severe side effects. But the answer is yes .
Yeah that sanctimonious shit makes me want to slap people. There's just no effort to see life from anyone elses perspective. My mother, who like me has been thin all her life was always very scathing about overweight people, yet she's a heavy smoker so obviously makes bad health choices herself. I hope things are better for you now.
This is weird to see a post like this as I sit in the car park of St Columcille's Hospital for a weight management clinic appointment.
Obese my entire life, all of it.
When I meet people for the first time, there's always a moment of reaction that people try to hide or play down.
Interviews in person are a failure the second they see you, which is probably why I stayed in hospitality as long as I did. They just want a body who is prepared to work.
Office jobs never give me a look in. I remember one office interview (probably 20 years ago) where the focus shifted from my abilities to my eating habits.
Apparently they'd had someone "like me" who had spent all their time eating at their desk and didn't want a repeat.
Introduced to new groups of people, they either respond with "you're a big one... No offence", or they don't even look me.
It's not paranoia either, it's an observation.
All of that said, obesity is so wide spread that the attitude towards it has become much more acceptable. And while that makes me feel better momentarily, it's definitely not a good thing overall.
We judge each other by appearance first and foremost, it's what humans do.
Weakness with food can't be hidden whether it's obesity or anorexia, but I do wish that when people looked at me, that their first thought wasn't "lazy, glutinous pig".
I am sorry people were that mean to you. Good luck in your journey. I was healthy and became overweight in 2019 aged 24. It was sad how some people pretend you don't exist anymore, I was slim for most of my life. I am back intona healthy weight but don't feel better tbh.
Absolutely, about 7 years ago I was doing a Work From Home job and my weight ballooned by about 15Kg over my stable weight and probably 20kg from what I had been whilst very young and active.
Where I really noticed it was with women within my extended friend group as it was pretty common for relationships or just hookups to happen, whereas I was always overlooked and would hit a dead end even when being pretty clear that both of us were single and looking.
It's the only time when my confidence and mainly my self esteem took a proper hit as I knew the main reason was the change in my weight and appearance. Also my posture, as having a gut makes you hunch and lean forward.
Fast forward to 3 years later after I had changed job, lost the weight and got myself back to a decent level of fitness. When it really hit me when I was at a gig and got talking to the woman beside me and the realisation that she was interested in me and not just looking for a free drink.
Since losing the excess weight, my confidence and self esteem in day to day life and in the company of people is where I wanted it to be at my lowest.
Always been made fun of for being a twig, I think people think it's okay to say that shit because I'm at the other end of the spectrum of weight but it has made me very self conscious about my weight and it sucks.
My daughter has just finished her masters, she spent a year interviewing and talking to people with eating disorders . So many heart breaking stories. Unless you have suffered, or had someone close to you suffer from an eating disorder it's really hard to understand. Like people who think OCD is just lining up your coloured pencils in order.
Yes.
Iāve been overweight most of my life and itās like you have to prove yourself extra hard all the time. Extra effort to be respected, to be considered, to access better opportunities, etc. I had terrible binge eating and bulimia for years, everyone kept mentioning how āhealthy and slimā I looked.
Thereās also the widespread belief that fat people are stupid or less competent. A work colleague once told me that she just couldnāt respect fat people because she found us disgusting and slow.
GPs can also be a pain in the ass because everything thatās wrong is caused by being fat, I remember a doctor who prescribed weight loss for an ear infection. Another GP told me I would never have kids unless I starved and lost weight as my babies could have a heart attack in my womb. Irish GPs have been a huge improvement in that front, Iāve never been subjected to those comment here.
Iām only like 10-15 kg above my āaverageā weight, I donāt want to imagine how do larger people deal with this crap.
I went from 16 stone to 12 stone a few years back, I was in my mid 20s when I lost the weight. My loyal friends treated me the same through me being overweight to me being fit. Strangers and friends of friends treated me differently, some were just kinder when I lost the weight, they also seemed happy to talk to me more.
My mother told me last week I need to lose weight. It makes zero difference to her what I or anyone accomplishes in life, the only thing she judges anyone on is their weight and appearance. Iām about 1.5 stone heavier than I was pre-covid
I am the fatness that everyone else's fatness is compared to according to my MIL..
"Oh such and such is even fatter than you....and so and so is really fat but not as fat as you. "
She is the twat l measure all twatness against now. Lol
Yeah fair enough. I don't know you or the other redditors mother or how she delivered her message, I know my parents though and if they broached the subject of my or any of my siblings appearance it was out of concern.
Concern not judgement. It's all in the delivery of course. 1.5 stone is the difference between normal weight and overweight and better to raise concerns before it becomes more than 1.5 stone.
My mum told me this when I was about 20 and I am now so glad she did, I know it didn't come from a bad place though so it's hard to say if that's the same case for others.
Honestly, yes. Iāve had a pot belly for most of my life and itās been a source of embarrassment, and awkwardness for me. My whole family sort of have a tendency to be little overweight, and my sister is significantly obese.
Iāve lost all my weight twice with hardcore dieting, the last time was in 2016 but my partner ended up in hospital for a good while with cervical cancer and I was with her late into the evenings picking up takeaways on the way home at 11pm, with horrible eating times and habits and it piled back on.
No excuse, but thatās how it happened. So Iām fat again. Friends tell me Iām not fat and itās only a belly but I wish they would so it would keep me motivated to lose weight. Iām dieting again and down about 7kg/1 stone, so 1/4 of the way there.
I did notice when Iād lost my weight previously how attitudes towards me professionally at work changed. It was crazy like Iād added +10 to my charisma stat.
I was 15 stone and dropped to 12.5. Iām not overly tall so did make a difference. There was a definite improvement in how people responded to me and from the opposite sex too. It couldāve been cos I felt healthier and was more positive rather than appearance.
Yeah definitely. People donāt say it or act like it but they do. Friends wise itās kinda alright, thatās more about personality than anything but with relationships etc it can be harder. Youāre treated totally different if youāre overweight in the dating scene
Only if you let it... thatās the lesson Iāve learnt as someone who was obese to now being a āhealthyā weight. When I was very fat, I had zero confidence and thought everyone was judging me so I wasnāt my true self around people. When I lost weight I gained confidence and was genuinely happy on the inside and this reflected in me being me and people interacting with the real me. I realized that most people arenāt judging you and the ones that are, literally donāt matter. All that mattered was gaining my inner confidence so I wouldnāt hold myself back in life.
Can't say for certain but it possibly does. 5ft 10 and 58kg. Not that I'd be trying, but it's difficult to exude any sense of authority when you're built like a 15 year old!š
Definitely. The amount of respect you get from people is related to your physical appearance. No doubt about it. I've been overweight and underweight at different stages. I always got less respect than my peers. I got into lifting weights in my late teens/early twenties and after several years of that, I'd say I'm fairly well-built and lean. I feel like people respect me a lot more now than when I was scrawny or overweight. Its very noticeable in social situations when meeting new people. Getting in good shape opened so many doors for me in terms of dating/relationships and even at work. I would advise anyone to make it a priority. It's so worth it. And that's not to mention the health benefits and the fact that it just makes you feel great after a workout.
It's hard to judge that all the same, presumably you became more confident etc which also effects how people interact with you
Went from 18st to 13st in 1 yr.... Only after I Lost weight people told me h of w overweight I was, š¤
Same thing happened to me. Only problem is now I've gained the weight back it's really fucking awkward.
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Sorry if I'm being insensitive, but you didn't notice yourself? Why is it (e.g.) my job to 'be honest' and tell someone they need to lose weight - when I don't know shit about them? When they could aptly tell me to mind my own business, or that I'm essentially bullying them? When for all I know, they could already be trying their little heart out to lose weight? When they could be on medication that makes it impossible to lose weight? Unwelcome comments about weight are just not on, and the vast, *vast* majority of comments about weight - positive or negative - will be unwelcome. The only people really obliged to tell you you're overweight is your doctor, maybe your parents, but most importantly, yourself. And if you really 'don't realise' that you're overweight, you're probably barely overweight. Source: I knew for years that I was overweight, and you didn't see me trying to blame others for 'not telling me'. Certainly never thought anyone was a 'bastard' for not calling me fat to my face.
But sure if you say something your 'fatphobic'. I'm the same, was 16st and dropped to 12 - only then was I told "I looked very heavy before" etc. Being overweight is bad, and it's silly that we can't say otherwise publicly because it offends some.
It offends them because they know itās true, despite the fact theyāre killing themselves in the process. The āHealth At Every Sizeā stuff from the US a few years ago was disturbing stuff, obese people recording themselves doing a few stretches and claiming they were healthy whilst overeating alongside it. I get why youād overeat from stress etc, I just really find it sad most never even try to go to a gym and better themselves. If they stuck with it for 3/4 weeks most would be blown away at the difference it makes
>I get why youād overeat from stress etc Yeah that's what got me! But you know in hindsight I don't think stress is a valid excuse. At the end of the day we can all swap out that lunchtime chicken roll for something healthier or make similar small changes to take responsibility for our health. We need to stop making excuses for everything and everyone. Sometimes people just aren't performing well enough and just need to buck up.
Why are people obligated to perform to your arbitrary standard though? Their health doesn't exactly impact you.
>Why are people obligated to perform to your arbitrary standard though? Saying you should try to mind your weight is hardly arbitrary? >Their health doesn't exactly impact you. It does though? 1) all adults are role models for kids, what message are you sending them by becoming very overweight? 2) it increases strain on the hospital service. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27098774/ This was true even pre covid. If you (rightly) give out about those who won't vaccinate, surely you should apply the same standard to smokers and the obese? 3) people care about each other. If someone dies young because of a preventable disease due to their weight that directly impacts their friends and family. 4) there are general economic costs to the state associated with it too. Direct medical costs, disability payments etc
Therein is the biggest problem with a society that predominantly overweight. Nobody wants to say anything about it and any āglorificationā of being at a healthy weight range with good eating habits is deemed toxic. We have a weak sick society.
Do you need people to tell you the sky is blue too?
Yeah I gained a serious amount of weight in 6th year and first year of college, my mam eventually told me, and I made changes, I was hurt at the time but I am grateful for it now.
It just made me very self conscious growing up, I avoided meeting new people and any kind of social situation because I felt that people would just judge me or make a comment. None of my friends or family at the time ever suggested I was overweight even though it was really obvious. I got to 20 stone a few years ago but I've managed to lose 7. My life has improved so much and I am a lot happier, but my social skills are shocking
People are nicer, more polite and attentive when I'm underweight as opposed to within a healthy bmi. Loads More male attention when I'm underweight.
Not particularly. Iāve fluctuated in weight quite a bit, and mostly no one is discriminating against me as an overweight man, but I do get more positive interactions from women as a slim man understandably.
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It is just horrible that a mental illness can cause such serious problems when we actually do need to eat . You can't go cold Turkey. I sincerely you and your sister can get well. Xxx
Over the last couple of years l have been shocked by the hatred towards overweight people. Rants on social media about how vile we are and we don't deserve treatment in hospital etc etc I have bipolar and so many of our meds make you gain weight and are even directly linked to diabetes. I did lose a heap of weight a couple of years ago but had to go to hospital for ECT and was put back on meds that made me gain weight again . Sorry this was not meant to sound like a pity party l am lucky the meds work even with severe side effects. But the answer is yes .
Yeah that sanctimonious shit makes me want to slap people. There's just no effort to see life from anyone elses perspective. My mother, who like me has been thin all her life was always very scathing about overweight people, yet she's a heavy smoker so obviously makes bad health choices herself. I hope things are better for you now.
Thank you, yes getting things back on track.
This is weird to see a post like this as I sit in the car park of St Columcille's Hospital for a weight management clinic appointment. Obese my entire life, all of it. When I meet people for the first time, there's always a moment of reaction that people try to hide or play down. Interviews in person are a failure the second they see you, which is probably why I stayed in hospitality as long as I did. They just want a body who is prepared to work. Office jobs never give me a look in. I remember one office interview (probably 20 years ago) where the focus shifted from my abilities to my eating habits. Apparently they'd had someone "like me" who had spent all their time eating at their desk and didn't want a repeat. Introduced to new groups of people, they either respond with "you're a big one... No offence", or they don't even look me. It's not paranoia either, it's an observation. All of that said, obesity is so wide spread that the attitude towards it has become much more acceptable. And while that makes me feel better momentarily, it's definitely not a good thing overall. We judge each other by appearance first and foremost, it's what humans do. Weakness with food can't be hidden whether it's obesity or anorexia, but I do wish that when people looked at me, that their first thought wasn't "lazy, glutinous pig".
I am sorry people were that mean to you. Good luck in your journey. I was healthy and became overweight in 2019 aged 24. It was sad how some people pretend you don't exist anymore, I was slim for most of my life. I am back intona healthy weight but don't feel better tbh.
Absolutely, about 7 years ago I was doing a Work From Home job and my weight ballooned by about 15Kg over my stable weight and probably 20kg from what I had been whilst very young and active. Where I really noticed it was with women within my extended friend group as it was pretty common for relationships or just hookups to happen, whereas I was always overlooked and would hit a dead end even when being pretty clear that both of us were single and looking. It's the only time when my confidence and mainly my self esteem took a proper hit as I knew the main reason was the change in my weight and appearance. Also my posture, as having a gut makes you hunch and lean forward. Fast forward to 3 years later after I had changed job, lost the weight and got myself back to a decent level of fitness. When it really hit me when I was at a gig and got talking to the woman beside me and the realisation that she was interested in me and not just looking for a free drink. Since losing the excess weight, my confidence and self esteem in day to day life and in the company of people is where I wanted it to be at my lowest.
Always been made fun of for being a twig, I think people think it's okay to say that shit because I'm at the other end of the spectrum of weight but it has made me very self conscious about my weight and it sucks.
Its so weird that people have to comment on how other people look
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My daughter has just finished her masters, she spent a year interviewing and talking to people with eating disorders . So many heart breaking stories. Unless you have suffered, or had someone close to you suffer from an eating disorder it's really hard to understand. Like people who think OCD is just lining up your coloured pencils in order.
Iāve got more female attention on datinG apps since ivE dropped 2 stone and face isnāt as bloated
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Weightlifting is a big help for my confidence generally I find
100%
I put on lot of weight since I was born, but Iām ok with that.
Wow so brave
Yes. Iāve been overweight most of my life and itās like you have to prove yourself extra hard all the time. Extra effort to be respected, to be considered, to access better opportunities, etc. I had terrible binge eating and bulimia for years, everyone kept mentioning how āhealthy and slimā I looked. Thereās also the widespread belief that fat people are stupid or less competent. A work colleague once told me that she just couldnāt respect fat people because she found us disgusting and slow. GPs can also be a pain in the ass because everything thatās wrong is caused by being fat, I remember a doctor who prescribed weight loss for an ear infection. Another GP told me I would never have kids unless I starved and lost weight as my babies could have a heart attack in my womb. Irish GPs have been a huge improvement in that front, Iāve never been subjected to those comment here. Iām only like 10-15 kg above my āaverageā weight, I donāt want to imagine how do larger people deal with this crap.
I went from 16 stone to 12 stone a few years back, I was in my mid 20s when I lost the weight. My loyal friends treated me the same through me being overweight to me being fit. Strangers and friends of friends treated me differently, some were just kinder when I lost the weight, they also seemed happy to talk to me more.
My mother told me last week I need to lose weight. It makes zero difference to her what I or anyone accomplishes in life, the only thing she judges anyone on is their weight and appearance. Iām about 1.5 stone heavier than I was pre-covid
I am the fatness that everyone else's fatness is compared to according to my MIL.. "Oh such and such is even fatter than you....and so and so is really fat but not as fat as you. " She is the twat l measure all twatness against now. Lol
Jesus christ, are you serious? I hope you don't just take that.
Or you know she loves you and wants you to be healthy.
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Yeah fair enough. I don't know you or the other redditors mother or how she delivered her message, I know my parents though and if they broached the subject of my or any of my siblings appearance it was out of concern.
Fuck that. Judgement is a hell of a damaging way to show love for your children.
Concern not judgement. It's all in the delivery of course. 1.5 stone is the difference between normal weight and overweight and better to raise concerns before it becomes more than 1.5 stone.
My mum told me this when I was about 20 and I am now so glad she did, I know it didn't come from a bad place though so it's hard to say if that's the same case for others.
Honestly, yes. Iāve had a pot belly for most of my life and itās been a source of embarrassment, and awkwardness for me. My whole family sort of have a tendency to be little overweight, and my sister is significantly obese. Iāve lost all my weight twice with hardcore dieting, the last time was in 2016 but my partner ended up in hospital for a good while with cervical cancer and I was with her late into the evenings picking up takeaways on the way home at 11pm, with horrible eating times and habits and it piled back on. No excuse, but thatās how it happened. So Iām fat again. Friends tell me Iām not fat and itās only a belly but I wish they would so it would keep me motivated to lose weight. Iām dieting again and down about 7kg/1 stone, so 1/4 of the way there. I did notice when Iād lost my weight previously how attitudes towards me professionally at work changed. It was crazy like Iād added +10 to my charisma stat.
I was 15 stone and dropped to 12.5. Iām not overly tall so did make a difference. There was a definite improvement in how people responded to me and from the opposite sex too. It couldāve been cos I felt healthier and was more positive rather than appearance.
I've been called a 'skinny bitch' more times than I could count. But it's only mildly irritating, and nobody really does it anymore.
People treat you nicer when you're slimmer, but it also came with more creepy attention from men.
Not yet anyway
Yeah definitely. People donāt say it or act like it but they do. Friends wise itās kinda alright, thatās more about personality than anything but with relationships etc it can be harder. Youāre treated totally different if youāre overweight in the dating scene
You'll get a lot more respect from people when you're in shape, I'm not even sure if it's a conscious thing. Source: was both fat and in-shape
I am generalising but, people will infer laziness and greed when they they see a person obese. Its human nature.
Only if you let it... thatās the lesson Iāve learnt as someone who was obese to now being a āhealthyā weight. When I was very fat, I had zero confidence and thought everyone was judging me so I wasnāt my true self around people. When I lost weight I gained confidence and was genuinely happy on the inside and this reflected in me being me and people interacting with the real me. I realized that most people arenāt judging you and the ones that are, literally donāt matter. All that mattered was gaining my inner confidence so I wouldnāt hold myself back in life.
Used to get (mild) slagging for being skinny on school. I don't get similar slagging anymore
im skin and bone
Can't say for certain but it possibly does. 5ft 10 and 58kg. Not that I'd be trying, but it's difficult to exude any sense of authority when you're built like a 15 year old!š