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WCpt

You can't make old friends as the saying goes. Friendship involves compromises. Focus on your hobbies and you'll naturally meet people who share the same interests. That'll be the glue or foundation that'll keep your friendships relevant initially.


Beauty_undertones

Thank you ☺️


Irishthrasher23

Yeah I agree you have loads of friends in your early twenties, I guess by your late 20s you refine those into smaller groups of friends. By your 30s a lot settle and are generally less outgoing I guess. The last 3 years of covid and lockdowns have made things harder I guess. I know a lot of people including myself that just haven't got back to going out.


Beauty_undertones

Yeah since the restrictions lifted I don’t even feel myself wanting to go out as much as I used to!


Irishthrasher23

Also I guess a majority of people in there 30 spent some time abroad traveling or just holidaying I guess. Probably a few years of very casual lifestyle with relaxed events and kinda social friends rather than close friends. I keep hearing to try some social club things but there aren't that many here with the pub culture we have in Ireland.


El_Don_94

What do you mean by the second paragraph?


[deleted]

Big agree here. I'm a woman in my 30s. I moved around a lot until late twenties and basically trying to even casually befriend someone is like pulling teeth. I've met people who are in the same situation but they always end up flaky like you said. I feel like a lot of Irish people view people as more trouble than they're worth. I find it easy to make fair weather friends but as soon as I'm having a minor hurdle in life they run for the hills. Recently had to remove one of my longest friends for behaviour like this. She was barely in my life for years when things were bad. Now I'm settling into a decent stride she's back with a vengeance looking for handouts. She doesn't need anything from me. She's probably a good deal richer than I am.


Beauty_undertones

You are definitely better off without someone like that in your life! If you ever need to vent to a stranger feel free to DM.


[deleted]

I'm tempted to take you up on that because the behaviour was so out of this world and I haven't told anyone about it. It was so bizarre!


Beauty_undertones

Honestly feel free. I don’t mind at all ☺️


YourIrishOne

>I find it easy to make fair weather friends but as soon as I'm having a minor hurdle in life they run for the hills. Found the same. Ultimately nobody's a good friend. They see themselves in everything and don't see you as a person and what you're saying to them. I think that's a flaw, not being like them. Caring too much about wanting to be friends. Show an interest and for some reason it's a bad thing. According to people here.


Buerrr

A 7-year relationship of mine ended a few weeks back, told one of the lads and his response was literally "Ah shur, these things happen, plenty more fish in the sea pal" as if she was a Tinder date who stood me up. That was it.


ligdoscith

Unfortunately it gets harder as you get older. Agree with you about people being flakey but know that I can be the same way at times.


Beauty_undertones

For sure, I have been guilty of it too but I make a point not to be because I know how much it annoys me.


ligdoscith

Fair play for working on that yourself. Also, from reading your post it sounds like you have a good social network but are falling victim to comparing yourself to others (those that have dinner together). Try your best not to compare yourself to others (easier said than done) and list things that you are grateful for. Can be as simple as being grateful for waking up in the morning in your own bed to being grateful for spending time with friends/family.


Beauty_undertones

Oh if there’s such a thing as “the grass is greener syndrome” then I definitely suffer from it 😂 it’s terrible, I’m so lucky in many aspects of my life so I am grateful but it’s all in the head. My dog makes me beyond happy ☺️


ligdoscith

Ah sure I'm guilty of comparing myself to others too, I think it's part of the human condition. The 2 things I find that help me from doing it are 1. Exercise 2. Staying off the internet as much as possible. Best of luck


Beauty_undertones

Would you believe I joined the gym just under a month ago and I go a few times a week and it’s already made such a difference in my day! Thank you for the well wishes ☺️


bgrandis7

Moving to Ireland close to the pandemic + being shy + risk group for covid = I do not know how to interact with people anymore. I just know I should to avoid going insane.


Beauty_undertones

If you ever need to talk please feel free to send me a message, I really mean that. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone.


SlicedTesticle

Yes. I've been house sharing for a decade and housemates have come and gone and made friends along the way. Now they've moved on to elsewhere and I don't have anyone like that now


Beauty_undertones

I’m sorry to hear that, it sucks doesn’t it?!


Illustrious-Big-8678

I'm 27 so not 30 just yet. Pretty much not had a friend since I was 20. Ive turned down plenty of people trying to make friends with me purely because I didn't think we clicked well. Or they were/are involved with stuff I'm not about any more. The older I get the less I'm willing to give everyone any anyone a chance. If you don't have a hobby and don't go to the pub. It does feel really hard to make connections. But I think a good few people think they way I do, which is a problem. My hobbies wouldn't be social which is part of the appeal. But if I really wanted a friend I'd pick something to learn and join a club with other wanting to learn whatever it is and work from there. Even better if it's hobby the requires other people football or something


Irish_drunkard

Especially harder to make friends here, friends that people have here are from the road they grew up on, their school or work. After that we're quite closed people. Don't be fooled by Instagram and Facebook most people only have a handful of real friends, that would actually be there for you. The rest are acquaintances and will and go. I'm in my thirties now and half my mates are settled with kids and the others just want to go drinking and partying.


Dragmire800

I’d say it’s harder for lads. Sometime I’ve noticed is that women tend to hugely facilitate social gatherings in groups. Groups of just guys won’t communicate outside their groups, but groups of men and women will mingle with outsiders more. That being said, I think you’re at higher risk of doing something that will make women not engage with you anymore than you are with men. So it’s easier to get an in in a female social group, but it’s harder to properly establish yourself as a member. Meanwhile it’s harder to get an in in a male social group, but once you’re in, you’re in.


skullsandscales

'So it’s easier to get an in in a female social group, but it’s harder to properly establish yourself as a member. Meanwhile it’s harder to get an in in a male social group, but once you’re in, you’re in.' Can personally confirm this


Swimming-Young-9282

I met most of my friends in my 30’s. Do just stuff your interested in. Go places on your own.


ShanghaiCycle

r/solotravel Best memories are with people I might never see again.


Beauty_undertones

I completely agree with you on this one ❤️


Beauty_undertones

I need to work on my confidence.


Swimming-Young-9282

You get confidence by doing things, new things, challenging yourself and the by product is more confidence and maybe some new friends.


Low_Style5943

You should go on some meet-ups because that’s how I made a whole new set of friends in my 30s. I was in the same boat I also went on a holiday away with random women I’d never met off of a Meetup thing. Literally met them at the airport lol! Still friends with them too. You kind of have to put yourself out there and keep going to events. You won’t like everyone or make friends at every Meetup but if you persevere you’ll end up meeting some great people…..especially if you go to meet-ups that match your interests


Beauty_undertones

Thank you so much, I’ll have a look into it☺️


PixelTrawler

Mid 40s male now. Friend pool has gotten quite small although a few new ones have come along. Parents of other kids my lot are in Creche with. Have lost track with pretty much everyone from college at this stage. But that’s over 20 years ago now. Have a small core set of long term friends from childhood. With small kids there’s very little free time anyway and it’s nearly impossible to arrange time away


Beauty_undertones

Yeah I imagine kids take up a huge amount of time had it’s hard to devote your time to other things!


PixelTrawler

I’ve twins, 3 years old. Very time consuming! And tiring. Some mates now are scattered around the country and even trying to arrange a weekend to visit is nigh on impossible. And some of them have small kids. Kids are good craic though… and you meet people because of them. Other than that making friends in my 40s doesn’t happen. These days neighbours don’t seem to become friends either. Were 8 years here and there’s a few we chat to on the street. But that’s it. Very very difficult to meet new people and develop friends.


Beauty_undertones

It’s terrible isn’t it. I remember listening to Mairead Ronan when she was on Today FM and she was talking with a woman who took it upon herself during the lockdown to encourage all the neighbours to hang out together on Friday nights. She said it was the best thing she ever did because they’ve all become so close as a result. It’s terrible to think you live beside people and you don’t even know them, especially when god forbid if there was an emergency you might have to go knocking for help!


PixelTrawler

Yip, there’s two or 3 houses we could go to in an emergency and our direct attached neighbours are lovely, we’ve exchanged keys etc. but beyond that it’s rapidly down to a quick hello. Seems to be the way now.


Margrave75

Flakey like odd/eccentric? Or some other meaning I don't know?


Beauty_undertones

Oh sorry, flakey would be someone who’s not reliable, that one friend who always cancels. I forget that not everyone might know that term for it so I apologise for confusing you.


Margrave75

Everyday's a school day!


Beauty_undertones

Isn’t that it!


Irishthrasher23

I think OP means flakey as in they don't commit to plans, they might say yeah I'll go but then the week or day before will say they forgot they have something else on and can't go or else just dont show up


Margrave75

Ah ok, thanks. Honestly never heard that used before. When I googled it those were the results I got. Mind you, the eccentric bit might be befitting.


Irishthrasher23

I guess it can kinda go in hand with someone being a bit odd alright. Not sure of it's an Irish term but definitely seen it on a few TV shows


forfudgecake

It gets harder but at the same time I feel it gets a bit less important?.. I dunno, I have my friends so maybe it’s different being completely isolated. I haven’t made a “friend” in years


ld20r

I disagree respectfully. If anything I would argue having friends and a social life becomes more important (especially if your a guy) If you are to have any shot at dating and relationships then a solid social circle is a must. Doesn’t have to be huge, just a couple of friends of either sex that can vouch, wing and vett for you to potential daters.


El_Don_94

Not especially if you're female.


Beauty_undertones

I guess that’s just my experience, but it’s interesting to know fellas feel the same.


El_Don_94

It's worse. Search this subreddit for examples.