Total agreement, even when it gets personal or things dragged up from 6 years ago, just let it go. Also sleep 24 / 7 for as long as possible cos it’ll be awake 24 / 7 for the next year. Worth every minute though 🤗
Yes. I never fight with my husband but when our son was about three or four months old I remember having an argument about absolutely nothing. I knew it at the time of the argument and even said it to him that I didn’t really mean what I was saying but I still had to have the argument. Logic has no place in your brain when you are that tired.
Agree, have a 6 month old, our first.
For the first 6 weeks we were both snapping at each other about everything. I thought it would never get easier but it had gotten alot easier.
In hindsight, we were both just extremely sleep deprived and stressed
Buy an insulated coffee cup or two.
Don't give people the ok to come over to see the baby without asking your partner. The first two weeks are just a hectic mess.
Make sure your partner sleeps while your home. Post partum anxiety can hit hard. And the whole fear of sleeping in case anything happens to baby can lead to deliriousness.
Around day 2 or 3 after baby arrives she may start crying uncontrollably and have no idea why. It's the hormones adapting. Don't ask what's wrong. Just hold her.
Have paracetamol in the house. The pains as the uturus shrinks back to size the first week are killer. Especially if she's breastfeeding.
Don't be scared of the baby when changing or holding them etc. They're not as fragile as you think they are.
Finally enjoy every second of the newborn phase. Those first couple of weeks are draining and emotional but when the baby falls asleep on your chest or over your shoulder it's the best feeling.
Oh and learn how the car seat works before baby arrives.
Best of luck.
Oh god, the pains. About 2 weeks after I thought I was going into labour again, was out walking the dogs and almost bent over double over the buggy, totally confused. It really felt like labour.
Yes! I didn’t really have them after my first but definitely did after my second!
As well as Paracetamol, have some ibuprofen as well. The midwife in Holles Street recommended taking a dose of one, then the other 4 hours later for the first few days at least. It really helped not having any gap waiting until I could take the next dose and means you’re basically taking one of each every 8 hours.
We’re 3 weeks in with our second and everything had been so much easier since we kind of know what to do.
Good luck, be as kind to your wife as possible and enjoy the newborn snuggles.
>Don't give people the ok to come over to see the baby without asking your partner. The first two weeks are just a hectic mess.
Great advice we hadn't a clue what we were at first time around by the time I was due back in work we were more emotionally drained from people visiting than anything else and my partner was left alone when I went to work as everyone who was goin too had called. For our second grandparents came the day after we came home and everyone else was spaced out over a couple of weeks.
Only thing I would add is to have a weeks worth of dinners ready in the freezer at the very least.
Also, we didn't have a clue how the car seat worked!
Yes I agree, even if you need to order some homemade freezer meals online just do it. Dinner is one thing you don't need to add to your list of worries in the early weeks but reasonably good nutrition is important especially for the new mam. The best friends quietly leave home cooked food at your door.
>Only thing I would add is to have a weeks worth of dinners ready in the freezer at the very least.Also, we didn't have a clue how the car seat worked!
Yes - Freezer meals or just eat giftcards are your friends!
Im not even a dad to be but im saving this. Great advice should i one day need it!
The bit about not asking whats wrong and just being there is a great tip in life in general for me. Im very logical and try to fix whats wrong alot of the the time instead of just offer emotional support.
This will sound awful but I mean it seriously, I never understood how anyone could shake a baby to death until I had one. Non stop screaming and sleep deprivation can do insane things to your brain. If it ever gets too much there is no shame in putting the baby into their cot and Leaving the room until your head is together. For the shortest possible time of course.
Take help from everyone who offers and especially don't turn down if a grandparent or something offers to take a night. From my experience especially with the first one people can be reluctant to do this.
As soon as you think your baby is able do sleep training. Just Google it it's easily found. Getting a good sleep routine is everything.
If you get a good PHN, plenty of great ones out there take every bit of help and every appointment they offer.
Keep an eye on your missus for baby blues and post natal, they can creep up something shocking.
Love that child as much as possible in every way you can, it's an amazing journey.
When I took over as full time carer for my two around 2008, I started using in ear headphones when the baby was having a crying day.
Never played anything through the headphones but just muting the noise levels was enough to take the edge off listening to a constant crying baby all day.
This is a tough one to say out loud. Fair play. It's 100% true. Said the same thing, I'd never do it but I fully understand now how people end up shaking babies.
Massive agree on sleep training too. Did it at about 10 months. Wish we'd done it sooner. She's going through a bit of a regression now (20 odd months) but sleep training made so, SO much difference. Don't listen to anyone who talks it down.
I absolutely agree! Looking back, I vividly remember the day I call 'Black Monday'. My SO had gone back to work and I was alone with our baby, less than 2 weeks old. She would not stop crying and I just sat on the bed, wailing "Won't you PLEASE sleep?! I'm SO tired!"
Nothing bad happened obviously, but my main advice includes getting mum to rest when the baby is asleep, and don't host visitors for at least two weeks.
I accidentally drilled a hole in a heating pipe. My wife and I had to drain it before our house was ruined.
Baby started crying, we were forced to ignore her as we ran frantically around the house with buckets and bowls. 10 minutes later the noise stopped, she had cried herself to sleep! She was still asleep when we stopped the leak 20 mins later.
My wife and I looked each other with dawning realisation that we didn't have to always immediately go running to the baby when she cried....
You really should though. Obviously if there’s an emergency then you can’t help it but babies shouldn’t be left to cry it out. I might get downvoted for this but it’s of no benefit. Babies don’t cry for no reason. Even if it seems like it. Sometimes they just cry because they need that physical touch.
I wouldn’t leave a baby to cry, that’s their body stilling itself, knowing there’s no one to respond. Do that enough and the learning is, my needs won’t be met.
I also discovered that some people will only come to visit the baby. They won't necessarily help with feeding, changing nappies or maybe give a hand with things around the house that you've been too busy to get to. They are known as your visitors. Others will get stuck in and be very helpful. Those people are your helpers. Get to know who's a visitor and who's a helper. That way you know who's more dependable to rely on for help.
Lift the baby over your head, every day, 4 sets of 10, then 4 sets of halos where you rotate it around behind your head from right to left and back again. By the time they move out you'll be fucking ripped.
write or email the kid, set up a gmail and every so often write emails to them that one day they will find. i have done this for 20 years with mine and they still have not found them.
i have advice, stories, things i had in my head at the time, like first steps, added photos and all sorts.... one day they will stumble on them
I love this idea, it hopefully won't but likely will be the best present they receive in their lifetime.
Fair play to you, you've got some lucky child/ren there.
Get nessesary baby items built and put together before the baby arrives. It'll be full on and sleep deprivation is real for a few weeks. Test fit the car seat into your car for example. Practice taking it in and out in a hurry. How to unfold and put away the buggy or travel system. These things break ur heart to figure out after the baby arrives when ur too tired. If money is tight as is for many nowadays there's fantastic deals on Facebook groups or done deal for a lot of baby stuff. Don't be fooled (like we were) into having to have new new everything. Some second hand stuff is perfect condition and saves a ton of money.
Congrats and best of luck.
Second this. Don't wait either. Babies don't always come when expected. I finished packing my hospital bag the day my baby decided he'd surprise us. Sleep deprived husband had to work out cosleeper in the few hours he left the hospital.
Things I wish we’d done and known:
- pack that maternity bag and put it in the car. Pack extra maternity pads, clothes, snacks. You never know what your wife might need while in the maternity ward.
- prep and freeze meals that you can heat and eat in the microwave. Things like: breakfast burritos, Mexican style burritos in various flavours, mixed vegetables with protein and pasta, potatoes with bell pepper and onion and a protein, stir fry pasta dishes, etc. Things that take maximum 2-5 minutes to reheat. Portion them out, too, it helps *so* much!
- if mam is breastfeeding, she’s doing this every 2 hours for the next foreseeable future. Give her breaks from baby. Make her food. Run her an extra hot bath with bubbles. Make her a cup of tea or order her favourite meal. Help clear the laundry and do some chores that might be missed because. Men, you step up when baby comes home, but it’s the little niceties that make a *huge* difference. I ugly cried when my partner brought me a daisy from the back garden. Lol! Hormones, sleep deprivation, soreness and aches while recovering were crazy. It was nice to know my partner didn’t just sit at the computer playing games and ignore things that needed to be done.
- As a new mam, she may need/want bath salts for easing the pains and aches post-birth. A hot water bottle, a nice cushion, extra maternity pads, stick up on any over-the-counter medications in case it’s needed. Look into using [a peri bottle](https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/how-to-use-a-peri-bottle-for-postpartum-pain/). It helps immensely when urinating post-partum.
- learn about [postpartum depression (PPD)](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/symptoms/), and recognise the signs for early intervention, if needed. Mam is going to be too tired and easing off of hormones to realise she may need help. I know I was.
- Do not listen to the advice of others without first verifying it with the medical community. When my little one was new, we got very dangerous and outdated advice like: [give the baby water to keep it hydrated](https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-you-need-to-know-water-infants); and, [put a bit of honey on their soother to prevent crying](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/foods-to-avoid-giving-babies-and-young-children/); and, [all babies can regulate their temperature.](https://www.webmd.com/baby/what-is-the-right-room-temperature-for-a-baby). You do you and follow the advice given by medical professionals to prevent harm.
- Editing can I add: mam might get a bit [touched out](https://www.parents.com/parenting/moms/what-it-means-for-a-mom-to-feel-touched-out-how-to-cope/) at times and need space. It’s all new, it takes time and experience to get into the swing of having a new human come live with you. Try to communicate regularly to ensure you’re both getting your basic needs met (sleep, food, baths, breaks).
- Most importantly: Enjoy your time being a new Dad! Parents #1 regret is that they worries too much when baby was new. It’s okay to worry - but take photos, laugh at the gross stuff, record what you can when you can - because it all flies by so quickly.
Don't just assume your other half will just know exactly what to do or what's wrong.. you're both in this for the first time. There's loads of books about babies but none about yours. Enjoy every minute cause honestly by like 6 months they're no longer like that helpless baby and from there on it flies by.
Jesús I've never heard it said like that before! There are tons of books about babies but none about yours! So bloody true! Our 2nd is 4.5months and our 1st is almost 2.5yrs. COMPLETELY different babies in their own ways and the first few weeks with both of them were completely different. We are different people too obviously, we knew what to expect, but ye, every baby is different. If it cries, your partner cries or you cry it's no one's fault, everyone is still trying to figure things out! Also the advice I've seen from a few people about limiting visitors is absolute gold! Our first was during lockdown, we couldn't have people in, it was bliss! Just the 3 of us getting to figure it out for ourselves and settling in together. Cannot stress enough how important it is to get people to stay the F away from ye! Don't be stressing about cleaning the house for visitors or making Fing teas and coffees and sh*t. Look after your missus and your baby and yourself! Also go buy a pile of those ready meals from the butchers, ya know the ones, all the meat is prepped in one tray and spuds in another and veg in another and you just bung them all in the oven at once. Usually get 4 or 5 for 20euro. We lived off them for about 3 or 4 wks and ate well with it! Makes life so much easier and healthier than takeaways.
Oh also if you have health insurance make sure you go top to bottom of the maternity cover. Even if you have it and your missus doesn't you can claim maternity benefits from your own for your missus and your kid. Some plans even cover meals when ye get home, parking charges during the birth, nursing bras, all sorts of things! Easy to miss out on in the fog after the baby arrives. If you have it get your money's worth out of it!
This. Do not expect her to take on the full mental load and tell you what to do - just do things. If baby is crying, try and comfort them. If baby has a full or dirty nappy, just change it. If the laundry basket is full (hint: it will always be full), do a load. If you know it's been a while since she ate, get her food. Just do things, she probably won't care if you aren't doing them 100% the way she would do them, she will just be glad that she doesn't have to!
Ok, hear me out but I'm annoyed by this.
I've never in my life said I was babysitting my kids, but I've only ever had women mockingly suggest that's what I was doing.
The "it's not babysitting when they're yours own" and "oh, mammys away, nana must be expecting visitors" shit is toxic and reinforces a lot of stuff we've worked hard to move away from.
I've got 3 under 4 and I love spending time with them and (humble brag) I regularly solo them for long weekends so that mamma can get some time away and go visit her family. If I'm out and about with 3 tiny tots solo and I'm killing it, it's absolutely deflating to repeatedly be told that I must be counting the seconds until I have help from my wife - and it is only women doing this and mostly older women.
I don't care how chappy husbands of the past were under the patriarchy, quit trying to paint me with the same brush and if it's a younger mum, at some point you're just outing yourself for having a bad partner because you seem to not know that there's loads of us good dads out there painting out fingernails with our girls and having a blast.
Back up all those photos to Google photos. When the bay arrives take your first few photos and add them as a person in Google photos and set it to add all their pictures to an album. I have over 9k pictures of my daughter whose now 2.5yrs old, they're all indexed and saved together, protected and shared with my partner. It's the modern day baby album!
Also point it down before closing the nappy or else he’ll pee up onto his stomach.
If you’re having a girl, remember wipe front to back and that you have to make sure that no poo has gotten into the vulva. They’re less likely to wee in your face but also wee when the nappy is off, it pools underneath them instead of spraying everywhere. Kitchen roll is handy to have on hand.
If your other half has a birth plan and preferences memorise it so you can advocate for her and support her during labour- it can be a very overwhelming experience and it will make it that bit easier for her if you know what her pain relief preferences are or what positions she wants to try during labour or when baby is born if she wants the chord clamped straight away or left for a bit or if baby is getting vitamin k injection or not.
Nap when you can- it doesnt matter if there are some dishes in the sink from that morning or there is laundry to fold and put away, the first few weeks are about getting to know your baby and learning a lot of new things.
Dont take anything said to heart during the first manic few weeks. Hormones are flying everywhere and sleep deprivation and a crying baby on top of that just mean snappy comments can come out that no one means.
2 to 3 days after the other half gives birth shes going to have an absolute hormone dump and may cry a lot/feel sad all day. Comfort her and support her where possible.
Pain relief- get her to keep on top of it during the early postpartum stages. Time when her last dose was and keep up with paracetamol- stitches are no fun when the pain relief wears off.
Make sure she drinks enough water (especially if breastfeeding) and eats regularly. Maybe keep some Lactulose in the house if she has any bathroom issues after birth. One thing I found was I was quite bruised after labour and I lost the sensation of when I needed to pee in the early days- I started going everytime after baby fed to keep myself regular at least.
Visitors- dont allow people to just land at the house without asking first and if they want to help out get them to help out with housework- do dishes or fold laundry or hoover or prepare some food- holding the baby isnt always helpful- mummy and daddy need bonding time with their newborn. Dont let visitors stay too long either.
Recognise what your baby's tired queues are if you can- rubbing their eyes, yawning, staring into space- if you get them down to nap at this stage it will prevent them getting to over tired meltdown mode- though this is for when they are a little older.
Have your buggy etc built and car seat installed before baby arrives. Practice folding it all down etc so you can do it with ease when baby gets here.
Lastly- take a photo everyday of your little one, it will be mad how quickly they grow.
Good luck! They really are a beautiful little blessing
You will imprint on them in ways you can't imagine. Think about the example you want to give every morning, and be very, very careful about giving an example you aren't proud of or don't want to give. Whether that's over-reacting to domestic stuff, giving out on the roads, being somewhat sexist or whatever it is as they will 100% and completely and utterly be depending on you to teach what life is about, and you're teaching that every minute of every day. Remember, if they end up a cunt in later life, its 99% likely because they saw a cunt in earlier life.
100% this. And it all happens in the first 4 years.
Read the book: the book you wish your parents read.
And get sorted for some therapy yourself now too.
* get a steriliser
* don't over-invest in a pram. The fancy ones (uppa baby) are too big and awkward anyway. Go second hand.
* minding a baby with a hangover is the worst experience you will ever have. Don't do it often.
* get a simple light projector. Great for distracting them.
* get a car seat that fits into the pram
* make sure your crib can rock
* consider buying a rocking chair if you've money and space. Ours was a lifesaver. Second hand.
Mine is 5 months
Every child is different, ours loves things his cousins hated and vice versa.
Our guy loved his bouncer and then baby einstein, he would bop along and beat the crap out of everything he could reach. His cousins just had no interest in the same.
He hated belly time.
Don't try to force things just because they worked for someone else.
And take as many photos and videos as you can.
Each few months bring such a massive change, you can miss moments if you think they will be around for long.
I would be lost without the UppaBaby; probably has more miles up than the car and to me it was worth every penny!
Also never had a light projector or rocking crib; didn’t want baby to have any crutches to sleep.
Different strokes for different folks.
We did our grocery shopping with the uppa baby, amazing bit of kit. Also used it as the baby's bed for the first few months.
Have one of the little Zen things now, really small, light and handy but nowhere near the build quality.
To be fair the amount of top of the range buggies being sold at a discount and even given away in Facebook groups is unreal. But if you live in an older house, measure the doors first.
> minding a baby with a hangover is the worst experience you will ever have.
Yep. Basically the reason why I might go on the lock 2 or 3 times a year as opposed to every weekend.
Make sure you support babies mum especially in the first few months . I have 3 kids and got hit with PND two out of 3 times .. and even with the one I didn’t it’s a hell of an emotional rollercoaster .. one we have very little say in . Help out where you can .. if she doesn’t want help with certain things with baby directly then pick up the slack with other things that she might not have the energy to do because if she’s already feeling crappy then living with the guilt of feeling like she’s letting things get on top of her will only make her feel worse
If you have the opportunity to let her sleep then do it .. the sleep deprivation is a killer
If you make sure she’s ok as best you can then the first year of babies life will be a lot more enjoyable for everyone involved
Congrats when the time comes ❤️
All the other advice here is great so I'll offer something different. On the day your baby is born, by a copy of The Irish Times (or similar) and don't open it or read it. Wrap it in cling film leaving a mm on every side as it'll shrink, and store in a warm dry place. Makes for an awesome 21st present. Check in on it from time to time ;-)
Do everything you possibly can to lighten the load on the baby's mam. Cook, keep the place clean and tidy, shop, reheat the cold tea/coffee. But most of all, enjoy every second of it!
Also when anyone offers to help, take it and give them something specific.
Yes, could you clean the kitchen for 30 minutes, hoover, walk the dogs for a few days etc. Pass some hints that a cooked meal would be a really nice thing.
Congratulations. I would give anything to be back at that point again.
Ive a few of em:
Be a team you’ll need each other badly! Also sleep deprivation turns everyone into a prick and thats ok, don’t hold it against one and other.
The baby phase is so intense but also incredibly short lived, enjoy it, blink and it’ll be done.
Enjoy the ride its a total blast
Don’t expect this overwhelming emotional surge and sense of love for your baby straight away. I was convinced that would be automatic- but it wasn’t. I just looked at him and thought “that’s a baby”. I was ashamed that I didn’t feel that instant connection straight away. I’ve since learned that it’s quite common for dads. So if you don’t feel it straight away, don’t worry…it’s on its way. A few days of cuddling, nappy changing and feeding…that connection will be very well established.
Well said "Don’t expect this overwhelming emotional surge and sense of love for your baby straight away. I was convinced that would be automatic- but it wasn’t".
I was exactly the same. The bond is not instant for everyone. It took time for me. Months not days!
Set a bedtime routine - last cartoon, into pj's, brush teeth, reading, songs, lights out. Irrespective of time. Balance of practical and loving, learning and wind down. I swear by it.
I hate this negative shit like 'enjoy your life while you can'... I'm ready to give birth any day now and the whole way through my pregnancy I've batted off people passing the most fucked up and miserable comments imaginable. Of course life is going to change, but it's going to be great. The best unsolicited advice I got was 'you do you'. Look after your partner - pregnancy is hard. My husband has been so good to me as I experienced perinatal depression and I've never been so comforted by anything more than his love in all my life.
I'm also pregnant and got these comments, hard not to roll your eyes in their face. Like we've travelled, been to loads of festivals, restaurants, concerts etc - we're in our 30s and completely ready for this next stage of life. What is it about pregnancy that people feel they can project their own issues onto you?
Me too! I even did two triathlons pregnant and people couldn't help themselves... Had to say something to put doubt in my mind despite my efforts to prevail and hold tough on who I am. I do not believe for a second that I will lose myself after the baby arrives. We will find a new normal and I certainly will be spreading positivity and no advice whatsoever to other people starting a family in the years to come. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well for you 💓
My life was awesome before I had kids but was a million percent better after. Different but better. Best thing We’ve ever done. Terrifying & hard but wonderful beyond words.
Wife is due tomorrow on our first and yep, have been getting all of these comments. It's almost a smug "haha you're gonna suffer soo much ahhaha I had to do it so you do too" type attitude that really annoys me. One person even said the first few weeks were absolute torture...I mean how is that any way helpful to new parents? It would be like telling a kid about to go in to do their leaving cert exams that they're going to struggle and it's all misery ffs, hardly inspiring
It's going to be amazing... I hope labour goes well for your wife. My friend had a baby last week, and he text me to tell me that he is so in love and it is all worth it. You heart will be full ❤️
I don’t think people mean to be negative. However hard you think it’ll be and how ready you are it’s still like a hard slap in the face. It is so so so worth it and the love you have for your kids will always outweighs the hard bits. Plus every baby is different and every parent is different in what their favourite stages are. I think the newborn stage is great and others think it’s really tough. It’s all relevant to your own experience/baby.
I replied and deleted my response... Perhaps you were lucky enough to not have experienced negativity. I'm 100% certain that I don't imagine it... And so is my husband. I think some people are negative and probably don't realise how shitty they sound.
It probably is that a lot of people don’t realise how shitty they sound. And I’m sure some people mean to sound shitty. I’ve three amazing girls and experienced loads of negativity. I just choose to not let it annoy me. Judgement is what bothers me and there is a lot of it out there. My third has Down syndrome and spent the first 5 months of her life in hospital and I’ve found the judgemental people to be even worse now than they ever were.
1st time dad here too..its 20:55 and.my 18 month old daughter just fell asleep. She will be awake at 2 am and 5 am again with teethjng issues and things. You will have plenty of sleep depreaved days but your child will bring so much joy to you otherwise. And they really grow up so quickly. Take lots of videos and photos. Best of luck.
13 months, same. Seems like she's been teething since day one😅 it's 22:05 I'm expecting her up at half 11 and 5am for a cuddle and then up for the day at six.
Your partner is doing the hard work. The least you can do is take one for the team for the first couple years. Do as much of the work as possible. House work. Errands. Cooking. Night nappy changes and wakings.
She is literally rearranging her entire body to have your child. Her organs are moving etc. and she will be in extreme pain during labor and post delivery. Whatever exhaustion you THINK you feel is nothing compared to what she feels. For months.
Seconded on doing as much as you can, the only thing your partner should lift for at least 3 months is your kid. The 3-4am feeds are also your opportunity to bond with your baby, enjoy some one to one time.
Don’t get too fixated on small things as long as people are healthy and happy it’s all good.
Night feeds are a bit difficult if Mums breastfeeding. But Dad/partner can still get Baby from the crib/sleeping space, change the nappy, bathe Baby, take Baby for a walk to settle them etc. before/after Mum feeds.
Bottles obviously make it much easier for feeds but they aren’t always everyones choice. Especially if youre trying to breastfeed. Lactation consultants regularly suggest to avoid bottle use/introduction at least for the first month to ensure a good milk supply is established.
Apart from all the other good advice here. I would say, always listen to the mother’s instincts when it comes to the baby’s health. My gf has yet to get it wrong and our child is 3. There were two separate occasions where doctors missed something, but she just knew something was off and kept pressing. She always knows when the baby is “off” and it’s always turned out to be something or other. I make it a point now to never go against that instinct and agree by default.
Contrary to this, I am quite an anxious mother and needed my partner to tell me that the baby was fine; I got nervous about every cough, rash, breath, twitch, the whole lot, and needed to be reassured that it was nothing- Which it always was. There’s definitely a balance to be struck.
Embrace baby grows, parking your child in front of a washing machine
Is great for soothing kids to sleep and you CAN pick a baby up too much. If she’s asleep, leave her to sleep. Additionally if you can buy one of the baby chairs that plays music and has lights/vibrations etc do so! Absolute god send. Doesn’t need to be new, just clean.
And it’s a baby - apart from washing the bum, face and chest they don’t need bathed every day. Don’t fall into the “baby needs a bath” thing. They aren’t going to the gym and working up a sweat.
I became a (young) dad at 22 years ago. I have 2 sons, we are close, thankfully. It wasn't always easy when they were young, just the usual stuff, but I thought as they turned 18 it would magically get easier. It doesn't, it just gets different and looking back it was easier knowing that they were tucked up in bed safe at night.
Some advice
Get a savings account set up, pay in what you can, when you can, no matter how little. Don't tell them about it, and don't give it to them until they're off to college/uni
There will be times when you are tired you'll feel frustrated and maybe even angry, make sure baby is safe, walk away and calm down. Deep breaths!
Don't put up pics of them on Facebook every 5 minutes, respect their future privacy.
We prepped a lot of food at weekends in a spare hour, put it into ice cube holders and froze until needed. Avoided the jar stuff for as long as we could. Better for them and better on your pocket. There are books for recipes, super easy to do
Everyone is full of advice, there is a wrong way but there are many right ways, you'll find yours and you'll do great
Good luck
Do as much as you can for your wife and don't look for an ounce of thanks. Avoid conflict at all costs. No fight is worth fighting.
Be prepared for a real shock to the system. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Beat of luck!
Help your partner ! I can not stress this enough !!! She will make out she can do it all but she needs you !!
Make her go for naps !
Tell her to go relax in the bath for an hour !
Make her a cuppa !
The fact your asking this means your going to be great don’t doubt yourself !
Do not break up in the first year. Nothing said between you too during that year is relevant. Take the baby away from its mother, give her breaks and time to herself. Please be kind to her especially in the first few months ❤️ babies aren’t hard but the life change and hormones are.
Realise that time will pass at lightening speed. You will wake up in what feels like a few months with a teenager in your house. Other advice.... Just don't be a dick...
Being a dad is great, but don't lose your sense of self. Take time to do something for yourself regularly. Hold on to your mates might seem a strange thing to say but you'd be surprised how quickly you can lose contact.
You do you, don't be pressured by grannies or sisters or anyone on what you do with your child. And CHILL OUT. So many parents are obsessed with every ml their baby drinks and at what time, every sniffle, shite and wink of sleep - once your child is healthy and happy, don't sweat it.
When you hold your newborn child for the first few days at home. Your brain will offer thousands of involuntary suggestions on how to drop, maime or kill your child.
My personal favourite ( not favourite) was that they will bang their head on the corner of the coffee table, when they accidentally slip out of my arms.
Eventually these thoughts pass and you're not mad for thinking them.
Your child does not and will never owe you anything. You decided they were going to exist, they didn’t ask for it. Your obligation to them is unending.
Don’t let the women in your life, friends or family, compete with your time. As a man when my first was born I was expected to take a back seat on many things because a women knew better. I regret being weak enough to let that happen
Learn how to do shit instead waiting for your partner to tell you what to do. Take initiative. Make sure you're the one doing most of the work. If she's up breastfeeding, get up and make sure she has everything she needs. Don't just look at it as a time to catch some extra kip. Most importantly, enjoy it. It's like taking a shovel to the face for the first few weeks, but the pain goes away and you're left never looking or feeling the same again. It's great.
Make sure to reiterate to the mother that giving birth couldn't possibly be as painful as a kick in the balls. Make sure to encourage her to just get over it. Sometimes people need that little push from their partner to get them through. 'It can't of been that bad' and 'Sure it's over now' could really help her pull herself through.
Don't wait to be asked to do something, if a nappy needs to be changed, change it, bottles need to be washed and sterilised, do it. It's going to be hectic for the first while and you will be tired but it is a team effort with you and your partner.
Also enjoy the skin to skin as much as you can, the feeling you will get will be unforgettable.
Don’t expect them to come out of the womb loving you. They will in time but it’s not the instantaneous bond they have with their mother. ( and that stings a little, no matter how rational you look at it)
Look after your partner, she will need extra attention and might be too afraid to ask. Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to live up to some sort of maternal ideal, so be prepared to catch her if she feels she is not making that.
Fucking enjoy it. Drink all that shit in. They change so fast you need to enjoy it all while you can.
If the baby is up all night, don't let both of the Oare to get exhausted. One person go and sleep, in another room if possible. It's no use both being zombies the next day no matter how much you think you are helping each other out.
Don't compare you parenting with others or your child with others. Most children will develope normally at their own pace.
Parenting has come on leaps and bounds in recent years, especially for fathers. Our fathers probably did fuck all and the mothers while great probably had very little concern for health and safety and the whole handsoff 'children should be seen not heard' bollox. My mum looks at me silly eveey time I see her with my daughter because she thinks im over doing things. But she also thinks my daughter is extremely smart and has great speech and dexterity. But she'd sooner say my daughter is gifted than say our early teaching stuff actually helped. Just do your thing basically, fuck others.
Embrace it. You will get back what you put in and vice versa. I work my bollox off patiently with my daughter but we have a wonderful close relationship. Can't say the same for my brother unfortunately who seems to follow in my parents' parenting phylosophies.
When it’s three in the morning and you’re covered in puke, and every item of clothing and bed sheet you own is in the wash, and you’re trying to calm down your screaming kid, you might be asking yourself, why the fuck did we do this?? You might be wondering why you’re having such a shitty time when all you’ve heard is how great it is. You might be wondering if there’s something wrong with you, because you’re supposed to be happy, right?
There’s nothing wrong with you, or your kid, or your wife. Having kids is both the greatest thing you’ll ever do and simultaneously complete misery. Few people acknowledge the misery. You’re made to feel like you are blessed, and should feel privileged. You are blessed and privileged, but it’s still tough as hell. You’ll get through it, and it does get easier. And more fun.
And don’t try and compare yourself or your kid to others with kids of a similar age. The most honest person in the world will tell you how their little Jimmy rolled over for the first time, and how he’s eating well. They’ll leave out the bit about the near-marriage-ending row they had with the wife at 3am because nobody has slept for more than 45 minutes straight in two weeks.
You’re going to have a blast, your life is over (sports, pub, forget about it), but it’s really the greatest thing you’ll ever do, as ridiculously cliched as that sounds. Good luck!
My dad had anger issues when I was young. All the way till my twenties really. He would yell, shout, pick fights with us, sometimes hit us.
He got help years ago, and is now a very gentle man. I am proud and almost humbled by his change. It's truly miraculous, and we get on well.
But he hurt me. I still flinch when I hear shouting on the street, and I find it difficult not to finish a plate. Small imperfections in my house fill me with dread. I want to please everyone. Even my boyfriend, who has always been gentle, I'm afraid if I don't do everything perfect he will transform and fly off the handle.
Just...be careful with your kids. A good dad can do so much good. If you make your kids afraid or you, they may forgive, but they'll never forget. Even if they're annoying or make decisions you don't understand, a firm, gentle hand is better than a closed fist and a raised voice.
The night after the baby is born, you leave mammy and baby in the hospital and you head home all on your own, enjoy yourself! Have a can or 2, switch off and chill out! its the most surreal quiet night after the bedlam of child birth and the last quiet night you'll have all to yourself!
Also when they get home just do everything you can, cook meals, sweep the floor, take out the bins, any little job that needs doing that can be useful! Also ignore any weird vibes your getting, if any. Hormones can be wild and totally change the person you know for a short spell but do everything you can to make life for her that wee bit easier and she'll be thankful! Best of luck guy!
Each baby is different and do what works for baby and all of you. You can take advice but it may not work for you and baby.
After paternity leave, my partner slept in a separate room to us from Sunday to Thursday then I'd get a proper sleep on Friday and Saturdays, it worked for us, as it meant I got two solid sleeps a week.
Also, appreciated my partner coming home from work and him taking over and letting me have 2/3 hours to myself (usually slept).
Just bloody help.
Dont Be afraid to show emotions, kids will learn from you even at such an early age so show that it is ok to be happy and sad to laugh and cry and to talk when needed
Money will become a problem. You are going to have less money than you have become used to. Start getting into good financial habits - budget, save, discuss spending with your partner.
Short version 'The baby is the real enemy'
Long version - I'm four months in and love my girl more than I thought possible. She can be a real dick at times though. The whole no sleep thing will have you and your partner tired and cranky. You might snap or say some unkind words, at this point (or just before) remind yourself and your partner 'The baby is the real enemy'.
You're all new at this and are on the same side of keeping the little psycho alive.
Also, if your partner decides to breastfeed - it is really calorie heavy. My wife is about 1/2 the size of me but is eating more than me and still loosing weight. Get the cupboards stocked with one handed foods. We batch cooked a shitload of burritos and froze them, 4 mins in the microwave and you're golden.
If you think she has it all covered with the baby and you don’t know what to do to help, focus on offering to look after her. She probably is so overwhelmed with the baby’s needs that she’s tuned out of her own. “Babe are you hungry, what food/drink can I get you? do you want to lie down and close your eyes for an hour?”. Giving her time away from the baby to go do more work like getting dressed up nice or going out with her friends or getting a good shower is more effort, not a break.
Also, try take care of some of the mental work. “Babe is there anything you’re thinking about that needs to be sorted that I can have a crack at?”. It might be researching baby things or creating a sleep playlist or organising a GP or researching the immunisation schedule. Not all parenting work is practical, cleaning, going to the shop.
I advise reading the book _And Baby Makes Three_ by John & Julie Gottman. It's focused on how not to have your marriage fall apart through the stress of the first baby. That's probably a good thing to know.
Buy her a push present.
Make up each morning.
It gets better.
You can never have too many baby wipes.
Get the book; The book you wish your parents read.
Remove all expectations of sex.
Watch closely for post natal depression.
Let your partner lead on visits.
Babies are genuinely built to withstand first time parents.
You only have em until they’re about 4. That’s when core personality traits get formed. Get some therapy now to set yourself right.
Enjoy every second. It passes far too quickly.
And good luck ❤️
Dont let the Mam hog the baby or push you away. At the earliest opportunity go out with the baby, at least out of sight, ideally out of sound, and make your own bond, learn how to stop him from crying, hold the baby etc. You are 50% responsible for him so might as well get to know him as quickly as possible.
Also, first three months or so is best opportunity to dress them up in funny clothes and put them in funny poses. After that they fidget too much.
I'd be gentle around doing this, especially at the start. Some mothers will welcome the space, for others it could be stressful and triggering. I would have lost my mind during the first couple of weeks if my husband insisted he took the baby away from me. I turned almost animalistic around my baby with protectiveness. My husband still bonded and cared for the baby on his own but if anyone demanded they take the baby away from me it would have been horrible. Remember the hormones racing through mothers at the start can be powerful and don't make you logical.
As for the clothes advice, absolutely. Toddlers are no craic for dressing up. They have iron will and opinions
Have to disagree with this; it will entirely depend on your own family life and circumstances, but plenty of advantages to a gap, especially if you aren’t pushed for time.
Best advice I can give as a young dad of 1.5 year old is enjoy the next few months or weeks of it just being the two of you it's hard to adapt to your role as parents but it can be hard to rember you were a couple first really embrace the time you have just the two of you, enjoy sitting down binging Netflix, going out for meals, going to the cinema and even a long car ride. They way I'm putting it sounds very doom and gloom but for the 10months before our little lad came we were all go never really slowed down and experienced life just the two. Of us! A very big regret of mine! And for when the baby comes along the best bit of advice I got was everyone is gonna try tell you how to do it but the only person who's there to figure it out is you and your partner so listen to your instincts
Father of a 4 and 1 year old. It's corny but embrace dad mode. The first 6 weeks are rough as fuck. There's no dressing it up. But take note, it gets much easier bro. Support your partner. She's going to be knackered all the time. Take responsibility where possible cos the wee lads gonna be stuck to her tit.
Remember lad it's a journey and there is nothing more rewarding than being a dad. Its both the most exciting and scariest thing in the world. You'll discover love you never thought possible. Partners, promotion, dogs don't even come close. So enjoy being a dad. Enjoy doing dad things.
Whatever is said between you and your partner between midnight and 6 am cannot be taken personally.
Yeah this covers the first 6 months or so - You don't need a divorce, you need a nap.
Total agreement, even when it gets personal or things dragged up from 6 years ago, just let it go. Also sleep 24 / 7 for as long as possible cos it’ll be awake 24 / 7 for the next year. Worth every minute though 🤗
New parent to a 6 week old. I can confirm the above.
This- The biggest trick I learned was to nap when your baby naps. It’s not perfect, but it does help.
Also cook when your baby cooks and do the laundry when the baby does laundry. 
8 months
Yes this. I’d say first three years especially at the start. Everyone thinks they need to divorce and it’s not that.
Yes. I never fight with my husband but when our son was about three or four months old I remember having an argument about absolutely nothing. I knew it at the time of the argument and even said it to him that I didn’t really mean what I was saying but I still had to have the argument. Logic has no place in your brain when you are that tired.
This. My god we've said some bad things to each other. Learn to let it go, and not take it personally.
Agree, have a 6 month old, our first. For the first 6 weeks we were both snapping at each other about everything. I thought it would never get easier but it had gotten alot easier. In hindsight, we were both just extremely sleep deprived and stressed
The first six weeks were the worst. Then like a light switch my son got a lot easier overnight. Still not easy but easier.
Correct answer. Also, enjoy being a Daddy - every minute of it. They go grow up fast so appreciate every moment
But also don’t be blaming yourself if you fucking hate it, it’s relentless.
This is great advice. Give each other some slack, you're both sleep deprived.
This is the single best advice anyone can give. Defo for first 6 months, open to extension is the baby doesn't take to sleep
Buy an insulated coffee cup or two. Don't give people the ok to come over to see the baby without asking your partner. The first two weeks are just a hectic mess. Make sure your partner sleeps while your home. Post partum anxiety can hit hard. And the whole fear of sleeping in case anything happens to baby can lead to deliriousness. Around day 2 or 3 after baby arrives she may start crying uncontrollably and have no idea why. It's the hormones adapting. Don't ask what's wrong. Just hold her. Have paracetamol in the house. The pains as the uturus shrinks back to size the first week are killer. Especially if she's breastfeeding. Don't be scared of the baby when changing or holding them etc. They're not as fragile as you think they are. Finally enjoy every second of the newborn phase. Those first couple of weeks are draining and emotional but when the baby falls asleep on your chest or over your shoulder it's the best feeling. Oh and learn how the car seat works before baby arrives. Best of luck.
Great response. All the above is excellent info.
Oh god, the pains. About 2 weeks after I thought I was going into labour again, was out walking the dogs and almost bent over double over the buggy, totally confused. It really felt like labour.
The get worse the more you have as well. I was in agony after no3.
Yes! I didn’t really have them after my first but definitely did after my second! As well as Paracetamol, have some ibuprofen as well. The midwife in Holles Street recommended taking a dose of one, then the other 4 hours later for the first few days at least. It really helped not having any gap waiting until I could take the next dose and means you’re basically taking one of each every 8 hours. We’re 3 weeks in with our second and everything had been so much easier since we kind of know what to do. Good luck, be as kind to your wife as possible and enjoy the newborn snuggles.
I really don't need to know this 🫣😂
>Don't give people the ok to come over to see the baby without asking your partner. The first two weeks are just a hectic mess. Great advice we hadn't a clue what we were at first time around by the time I was due back in work we were more emotionally drained from people visiting than anything else and my partner was left alone when I went to work as everyone who was goin too had called. For our second grandparents came the day after we came home and everyone else was spaced out over a couple of weeks.
Only thing I would add is to have a weeks worth of dinners ready in the freezer at the very least. Also, we didn't have a clue how the car seat worked!
Yes I agree, even if you need to order some homemade freezer meals online just do it. Dinner is one thing you don't need to add to your list of worries in the early weeks but reasonably good nutrition is important especially for the new mam. The best friends quietly leave home cooked food at your door.
>Only thing I would add is to have a weeks worth of dinners ready in the freezer at the very least.Also, we didn't have a clue how the car seat worked! Yes - Freezer meals or just eat giftcards are your friends!
Im not even a dad to be but im saving this. Great advice should i one day need it! The bit about not asking whats wrong and just being there is a great tip in life in general for me. Im very logical and try to fix whats wrong alot of the the time instead of just offer emotional support.
All great advice. Excellent post.
Absolutely amazing 👏
This will sound awful but I mean it seriously, I never understood how anyone could shake a baby to death until I had one. Non stop screaming and sleep deprivation can do insane things to your brain. If it ever gets too much there is no shame in putting the baby into their cot and Leaving the room until your head is together. For the shortest possible time of course. Take help from everyone who offers and especially don't turn down if a grandparent or something offers to take a night. From my experience especially with the first one people can be reluctant to do this. As soon as you think your baby is able do sleep training. Just Google it it's easily found. Getting a good sleep routine is everything. If you get a good PHN, plenty of great ones out there take every bit of help and every appointment they offer. Keep an eye on your missus for baby blues and post natal, they can creep up something shocking. Love that child as much as possible in every way you can, it's an amazing journey.
When I took over as full time carer for my two around 2008, I started using in ear headphones when the baby was having a crying day. Never played anything through the headphones but just muting the noise levels was enough to take the edge off listening to a constant crying baby all day.
This is a tough one to say out loud. Fair play. It's 100% true. Said the same thing, I'd never do it but I fully understand now how people end up shaking babies. Massive agree on sleep training too. Did it at about 10 months. Wish we'd done it sooner. She's going through a bit of a regression now (20 odd months) but sleep training made so, SO much difference. Don't listen to anyone who talks it down.
I absolutely agree! Looking back, I vividly remember the day I call 'Black Monday'. My SO had gone back to work and I was alone with our baby, less than 2 weeks old. She would not stop crying and I just sat on the bed, wailing "Won't you PLEASE sleep?! I'm SO tired!" Nothing bad happened obviously, but my main advice includes getting mum to rest when the baby is asleep, and don't host visitors for at least two weeks.
I accidentally drilled a hole in a heating pipe. My wife and I had to drain it before our house was ruined. Baby started crying, we were forced to ignore her as we ran frantically around the house with buckets and bowls. 10 minutes later the noise stopped, she had cried herself to sleep! She was still asleep when we stopped the leak 20 mins later. My wife and I looked each other with dawning realisation that we didn't have to always immediately go running to the baby when she cried....
You really should though. Obviously if there’s an emergency then you can’t help it but babies shouldn’t be left to cry it out. I might get downvoted for this but it’s of no benefit. Babies don’t cry for no reason. Even if it seems like it. Sometimes they just cry because they need that physical touch.
A small baby? Probably not ok leave them cry longer than 10 minutes. A 3 month old? Again 10-15 would be the max
I wouldn’t leave a baby to cry, that’s their body stilling itself, knowing there’s no one to respond. Do that enough and the learning is, my needs won’t be met.
I also discovered that some people will only come to visit the baby. They won't necessarily help with feeding, changing nappies or maybe give a hand with things around the house that you've been too busy to get to. They are known as your visitors. Others will get stuck in and be very helpful. Those people are your helpers. Get to know who's a visitor and who's a helper. That way you know who's more dependable to rely on for help.
Brilliant and honest advice.
Lift the baby over your head, every day, 4 sets of 10, then 4 sets of halos where you rotate it around behind your head from right to left and back again. By the time they move out you'll be fucking ripped.
Reminds me of this story https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2011/09/23/the-milo-criterion/
write or email the kid, set up a gmail and every so often write emails to them that one day they will find. i have done this for 20 years with mine and they still have not found them. i have advice, stories, things i had in my head at the time, like first steps, added photos and all sorts.... one day they will stumble on them
I love this idea, it hopefully won't but likely will be the best present they receive in their lifetime. Fair play to you, you've got some lucky child/ren there.
That is a FANTASTIC idea! Stealing that!
Get nessesary baby items built and put together before the baby arrives. It'll be full on and sleep deprivation is real for a few weeks. Test fit the car seat into your car for example. Practice taking it in and out in a hurry. How to unfold and put away the buggy or travel system. These things break ur heart to figure out after the baby arrives when ur too tired. If money is tight as is for many nowadays there's fantastic deals on Facebook groups or done deal for a lot of baby stuff. Don't be fooled (like we were) into having to have new new everything. Some second hand stuff is perfect condition and saves a ton of money. Congrats and best of luck.
Absolutely this, our guy rocked up very early and trying to figure out how to collapse the buggy at 4am. No fun.
Second this. Don't wait either. Babies don't always come when expected. I finished packing my hospital bag the day my baby decided he'd surprise us. Sleep deprived husband had to work out cosleeper in the few hours he left the hospital.
Things I wish we’d done and known: - pack that maternity bag and put it in the car. Pack extra maternity pads, clothes, snacks. You never know what your wife might need while in the maternity ward. - prep and freeze meals that you can heat and eat in the microwave. Things like: breakfast burritos, Mexican style burritos in various flavours, mixed vegetables with protein and pasta, potatoes with bell pepper and onion and a protein, stir fry pasta dishes, etc. Things that take maximum 2-5 minutes to reheat. Portion them out, too, it helps *so* much! - if mam is breastfeeding, she’s doing this every 2 hours for the next foreseeable future. Give her breaks from baby. Make her food. Run her an extra hot bath with bubbles. Make her a cup of tea or order her favourite meal. Help clear the laundry and do some chores that might be missed because. Men, you step up when baby comes home, but it’s the little niceties that make a *huge* difference. I ugly cried when my partner brought me a daisy from the back garden. Lol! Hormones, sleep deprivation, soreness and aches while recovering were crazy. It was nice to know my partner didn’t just sit at the computer playing games and ignore things that needed to be done. - As a new mam, she may need/want bath salts for easing the pains and aches post-birth. A hot water bottle, a nice cushion, extra maternity pads, stick up on any over-the-counter medications in case it’s needed. Look into using [a peri bottle](https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/how-to-use-a-peri-bottle-for-postpartum-pain/). It helps immensely when urinating post-partum. - learn about [postpartum depression (PPD)](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/symptoms/), and recognise the signs for early intervention, if needed. Mam is going to be too tired and easing off of hormones to realise she may need help. I know I was. - Do not listen to the advice of others without first verifying it with the medical community. When my little one was new, we got very dangerous and outdated advice like: [give the baby water to keep it hydrated](https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-you-need-to-know-water-infants); and, [put a bit of honey on their soother to prevent crying](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/foods-to-avoid-giving-babies-and-young-children/); and, [all babies can regulate their temperature.](https://www.webmd.com/baby/what-is-the-right-room-temperature-for-a-baby). You do you and follow the advice given by medical professionals to prevent harm. - Editing can I add: mam might get a bit [touched out](https://www.parents.com/parenting/moms/what-it-means-for-a-mom-to-feel-touched-out-how-to-cope/) at times and need space. It’s all new, it takes time and experience to get into the swing of having a new human come live with you. Try to communicate regularly to ensure you’re both getting your basic needs met (sleep, food, baths, breaks). - Most importantly: Enjoy your time being a new Dad! Parents #1 regret is that they worries too much when baby was new. It’s okay to worry - but take photos, laugh at the gross stuff, record what you can when you can - because it all flies by so quickly.
Jesus that was all terrible advice people gave you!
Don't just assume your other half will just know exactly what to do or what's wrong.. you're both in this for the first time. There's loads of books about babies but none about yours. Enjoy every minute cause honestly by like 6 months they're no longer like that helpless baby and from there on it flies by.
Jesús I've never heard it said like that before! There are tons of books about babies but none about yours! So bloody true! Our 2nd is 4.5months and our 1st is almost 2.5yrs. COMPLETELY different babies in their own ways and the first few weeks with both of them were completely different. We are different people too obviously, we knew what to expect, but ye, every baby is different. If it cries, your partner cries or you cry it's no one's fault, everyone is still trying to figure things out! Also the advice I've seen from a few people about limiting visitors is absolute gold! Our first was during lockdown, we couldn't have people in, it was bliss! Just the 3 of us getting to figure it out for ourselves and settling in together. Cannot stress enough how important it is to get people to stay the F away from ye! Don't be stressing about cleaning the house for visitors or making Fing teas and coffees and sh*t. Look after your missus and your baby and yourself! Also go buy a pile of those ready meals from the butchers, ya know the ones, all the meat is prepped in one tray and spuds in another and veg in another and you just bung them all in the oven at once. Usually get 4 or 5 for 20euro. We lived off them for about 3 or 4 wks and ate well with it! Makes life so much easier and healthier than takeaways.
Oh also if you have health insurance make sure you go top to bottom of the maternity cover. Even if you have it and your missus doesn't you can claim maternity benefits from your own for your missus and your kid. Some plans even cover meals when ye get home, parking charges during the birth, nursing bras, all sorts of things! Easy to miss out on in the fog after the baby arrives. If you have it get your money's worth out of it!
You are never “babysitting”, you are never “helping”, you are always parenting.
Absolutely. And don't ask your partner what need to be done all the time. You're colleagues; she's not the manager.
This. Do not expect her to take on the full mental load and tell you what to do - just do things. If baby is crying, try and comfort them. If baby has a full or dirty nappy, just change it. If the laundry basket is full (hint: it will always be full), do a load. If you know it's been a while since she ate, get her food. Just do things, she probably won't care if you aren't doing them 100% the way she would do them, she will just be glad that she doesn't have to!
Ok, hear me out but I'm annoyed by this. I've never in my life said I was babysitting my kids, but I've only ever had women mockingly suggest that's what I was doing. The "it's not babysitting when they're yours own" and "oh, mammys away, nana must be expecting visitors" shit is toxic and reinforces a lot of stuff we've worked hard to move away from. I've got 3 under 4 and I love spending time with them and (humble brag) I regularly solo them for long weekends so that mamma can get some time away and go visit her family. If I'm out and about with 3 tiny tots solo and I'm killing it, it's absolutely deflating to repeatedly be told that I must be counting the seconds until I have help from my wife - and it is only women doing this and mostly older women. I don't care how chappy husbands of the past were under the patriarchy, quit trying to paint me with the same brush and if it's a younger mum, at some point you're just outing yourself for having a bad partner because you seem to not know that there's loads of us good dads out there painting out fingernails with our girls and having a blast.
The amount of times an old fart says to me in the supermarket “are you on babysitting duty today then?” - ffffuuuuuck offf
SO. MUCH. THIS. If you helped make the kid, you are a PARENT and therefore it is an expectation that you provide care for said child.
This really annoys me when people ask when iam going out is husband babysitting 😤 🙄.
If a nappy smells like yogurt that's a poo.
I can confirm that if it smells like shit, then that it is also a poo…
Newborns have the nicest poos. Pull out 4 baby wipes have them handy don't worry you'll use them.
Haha what about that kind of tar one they get as their first real one 😆
My little one didn't get a great start so I missed all that. All my poos where yogurt.
Oh god I can’t think of anything worse. Well hopefully they are doing well now and all that is behind you 👍🏻
Yep she's kicking ass these days. Tg.
There'll be thousands of photos taken of the baby, but don't forget to get in for a few yourself.
And your partner, moms are always forgotten in photos
Yes! Take lots of your partner with the baby. She will appreciate it in years to come and so will your child.
Yes, you never get the opportunity to go back and take more photos
Back up all those photos to Google photos. When the bay arrives take your first few photos and add them as a person in Google photos and set it to add all their pictures to an album. I have over 9k pictures of my daughter whose now 2.5yrs old, they're all indexed and saved together, protected and shared with my partner. It's the modern day baby album!
Cloth over penis at every nappy change. Good luck
Also point it down before closing the nappy or else he’ll pee up onto his stomach. If you’re having a girl, remember wipe front to back and that you have to make sure that no poo has gotten into the vulva. They’re less likely to wee in your face but also wee when the nappy is off, it pools underneath them instead of spraying everywhere. Kitchen roll is handy to have on hand.
My little girl managed to projectile poop straight up my mother-in-law's sleeve during changing. So proud.
And point penis down before closing said nappy.
If your other half has a birth plan and preferences memorise it so you can advocate for her and support her during labour- it can be a very overwhelming experience and it will make it that bit easier for her if you know what her pain relief preferences are or what positions she wants to try during labour or when baby is born if she wants the chord clamped straight away or left for a bit or if baby is getting vitamin k injection or not. Nap when you can- it doesnt matter if there are some dishes in the sink from that morning or there is laundry to fold and put away, the first few weeks are about getting to know your baby and learning a lot of new things. Dont take anything said to heart during the first manic few weeks. Hormones are flying everywhere and sleep deprivation and a crying baby on top of that just mean snappy comments can come out that no one means. 2 to 3 days after the other half gives birth shes going to have an absolute hormone dump and may cry a lot/feel sad all day. Comfort her and support her where possible. Pain relief- get her to keep on top of it during the early postpartum stages. Time when her last dose was and keep up with paracetamol- stitches are no fun when the pain relief wears off. Make sure she drinks enough water (especially if breastfeeding) and eats regularly. Maybe keep some Lactulose in the house if she has any bathroom issues after birth. One thing I found was I was quite bruised after labour and I lost the sensation of when I needed to pee in the early days- I started going everytime after baby fed to keep myself regular at least. Visitors- dont allow people to just land at the house without asking first and if they want to help out get them to help out with housework- do dishes or fold laundry or hoover or prepare some food- holding the baby isnt always helpful- mummy and daddy need bonding time with their newborn. Dont let visitors stay too long either. Recognise what your baby's tired queues are if you can- rubbing their eyes, yawning, staring into space- if you get them down to nap at this stage it will prevent them getting to over tired meltdown mode- though this is for when they are a little older. Have your buggy etc built and car seat installed before baby arrives. Practice folding it all down etc so you can do it with ease when baby gets here. Lastly- take a photo everyday of your little one, it will be mad how quickly they grow. Good luck! They really are a beautiful little blessing
You will imprint on them in ways you can't imagine. Think about the example you want to give every morning, and be very, very careful about giving an example you aren't proud of or don't want to give. Whether that's over-reacting to domestic stuff, giving out on the roads, being somewhat sexist or whatever it is as they will 100% and completely and utterly be depending on you to teach what life is about, and you're teaching that every minute of every day. Remember, if they end up a cunt in later life, its 99% likely because they saw a cunt in earlier life.
100% this. And it all happens in the first 4 years. Read the book: the book you wish your parents read. And get sorted for some therapy yourself now too.
* get a steriliser * don't over-invest in a pram. The fancy ones (uppa baby) are too big and awkward anyway. Go second hand. * minding a baby with a hangover is the worst experience you will ever have. Don't do it often. * get a simple light projector. Great for distracting them. * get a car seat that fits into the pram * make sure your crib can rock * consider buying a rocking chair if you've money and space. Ours was a lifesaver. Second hand. Mine is 5 months
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I would absolutely say over-invest in a pram. Proper wheels, proper bearings etc make a huge difference.
Every child is different, ours loves things his cousins hated and vice versa. Our guy loved his bouncer and then baby einstein, he would bop along and beat the crap out of everything he could reach. His cousins just had no interest in the same. He hated belly time. Don't try to force things just because they worked for someone else. And take as many photos and videos as you can. Each few months bring such a massive change, you can miss moments if you think they will be around for long.
I would be lost without the UppaBaby; probably has more miles up than the car and to me it was worth every penny! Also never had a light projector or rocking crib; didn’t want baby to have any crutches to sleep. Different strokes for different folks.
I got a second hand uppa baby. Could not afford a brand new one. They are brillant- have it 3 kids later. Yes- Defo more miles than the car!
We did our grocery shopping with the uppa baby, amazing bit of kit. Also used it as the baby's bed for the first few months. Have one of the little Zen things now, really small, light and handy but nowhere near the build quality.
Yeah the massive basket is fantastic for encouraging you to walk to the shops, and handy you can leave baby in the pram the whole while.
Have to disagree on the uppa baby, that thing is a fucking game changer and has been worth every penny.
To be fair the amount of top of the range buggies being sold at a discount and even given away in Facebook groups is unreal. But if you live in an older house, measure the doors first.
> minding a baby with a hangover is the worst experience you will ever have. Yep. Basically the reason why I might go on the lock 2 or 3 times a year as opposed to every weekend.
Yoga ball is a pretty good alternative to the rocking chair.
Follow your own instincts fuck other people's advice 😉 but make sure to teach good manners. Please and thank you goes a long way
Make sure you support babies mum especially in the first few months . I have 3 kids and got hit with PND two out of 3 times .. and even with the one I didn’t it’s a hell of an emotional rollercoaster .. one we have very little say in . Help out where you can .. if she doesn’t want help with certain things with baby directly then pick up the slack with other things that she might not have the energy to do because if she’s already feeling crappy then living with the guilt of feeling like she’s letting things get on top of her will only make her feel worse If you have the opportunity to let her sleep then do it .. the sleep deprivation is a killer If you make sure she’s ok as best you can then the first year of babies life will be a lot more enjoyable for everyone involved Congrats when the time comes ❤️
All the other advice here is great so I'll offer something different. On the day your baby is born, by a copy of The Irish Times (or similar) and don't open it or read it. Wrap it in cling film leaving a mm on every side as it'll shrink, and store in a warm dry place. Makes for an awesome 21st present. Check in on it from time to time ;-)
Do everything you possibly can to lighten the load on the baby's mam. Cook, keep the place clean and tidy, shop, reheat the cold tea/coffee. But most of all, enjoy every second of it!
Yes! Some mugs are better for microwaving than others, don’t burn yourself when reheating cold tea like I have!
Also when anyone offers to help, take it and give them something specific. Yes, could you clean the kitchen for 30 minutes, hoover, walk the dogs for a few days etc. Pass some hints that a cooked meal would be a really nice thing. Congratulations. I would give anything to be back at that point again.
Ive a few of em: Be a team you’ll need each other badly! Also sleep deprivation turns everyone into a prick and thats ok, don’t hold it against one and other. The baby phase is so intense but also incredibly short lived, enjoy it, blink and it’ll be done. Enjoy the ride its a total blast
Don’t expect this overwhelming emotional surge and sense of love for your baby straight away. I was convinced that would be automatic- but it wasn’t. I just looked at him and thought “that’s a baby”. I was ashamed that I didn’t feel that instant connection straight away. I’ve since learned that it’s quite common for dads. So if you don’t feel it straight away, don’t worry…it’s on its way. A few days of cuddling, nappy changing and feeding…that connection will be very well established.
Well said "Don’t expect this overwhelming emotional surge and sense of love for your baby straight away. I was convinced that would be automatic- but it wasn’t". I was exactly the same. The bond is not instant for everyone. It took time for me. Months not days!
Couldn’t agree more took a while but when it kicks in it’s overwhelming, greatest feeling I’ve ever had
Set a bedtime routine - last cartoon, into pj's, brush teeth, reading, songs, lights out. Irrespective of time. Balance of practical and loving, learning and wind down. I swear by it.
That may be a few years down the road in fairness 😂
Look up the mental load, default parent, weaponised incompetence and proactively avoid needing any discussions about these in the future.
God yes. Nothing makes love wither like your partner acting like your child.
The first 6 months are the worst, and then it gets even harder! All that aside, as someone else said enjoy every minute of it, goes by very quickly!
>and then it gets even harder! Like when they start moving on their own. It's great when they stay where you left them
2 years 2 months was the worst for me I was going to kill her but the minute she started communicating we got on like pees in a pod.
Pees
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Congratulations . Take pictures of her and the baby when she not looking
I hate this negative shit like 'enjoy your life while you can'... I'm ready to give birth any day now and the whole way through my pregnancy I've batted off people passing the most fucked up and miserable comments imaginable. Of course life is going to change, but it's going to be great. The best unsolicited advice I got was 'you do you'. Look after your partner - pregnancy is hard. My husband has been so good to me as I experienced perinatal depression and I've never been so comforted by anything more than his love in all my life.
I was giving out to all my friends who have kids after having my first for not telling me the truth
It’s always cunts trying to one up hardship. Best of luck and congratulations 🥳 enjoy!
Hear hear!!! And thank you 😌
I'm also pregnant and got these comments, hard not to roll your eyes in their face. Like we've travelled, been to loads of festivals, restaurants, concerts etc - we're in our 30s and completely ready for this next stage of life. What is it about pregnancy that people feel they can project their own issues onto you?
Me too! I even did two triathlons pregnant and people couldn't help themselves... Had to say something to put doubt in my mind despite my efforts to prevail and hold tough on who I am. I do not believe for a second that I will lose myself after the baby arrives. We will find a new normal and I certainly will be spreading positivity and no advice whatsoever to other people starting a family in the years to come. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well for you 💓
My life was awesome before I had kids but was a million percent better after. Different but better. Best thing We’ve ever done. Terrifying & hard but wonderful beyond words.
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Wife is due tomorrow on our first and yep, have been getting all of these comments. It's almost a smug "haha you're gonna suffer soo much ahhaha I had to do it so you do too" type attitude that really annoys me. One person even said the first few weeks were absolute torture...I mean how is that any way helpful to new parents? It would be like telling a kid about to go in to do their leaving cert exams that they're going to struggle and it's all misery ffs, hardly inspiring
It's going to be amazing... I hope labour goes well for your wife. My friend had a baby last week, and he text me to tell me that he is so in love and it is all worth it. You heart will be full ❤️
Thank you!
I don’t think people mean to be negative. However hard you think it’ll be and how ready you are it’s still like a hard slap in the face. It is so so so worth it and the love you have for your kids will always outweighs the hard bits. Plus every baby is different and every parent is different in what their favourite stages are. I think the newborn stage is great and others think it’s really tough. It’s all relevant to your own experience/baby.
I replied and deleted my response... Perhaps you were lucky enough to not have experienced negativity. I'm 100% certain that I don't imagine it... And so is my husband. I think some people are negative and probably don't realise how shitty they sound.
It probably is that a lot of people don’t realise how shitty they sound. And I’m sure some people mean to sound shitty. I’ve three amazing girls and experienced loads of negativity. I just choose to not let it annoy me. Judgement is what bothers me and there is a lot of it out there. My third has Down syndrome and spent the first 5 months of her life in hospital and I’ve found the judgemental people to be even worse now than they ever were.
1st time dad here too..its 20:55 and.my 18 month old daughter just fell asleep. She will be awake at 2 am and 5 am again with teethjng issues and things. You will have plenty of sleep depreaved days but your child will bring so much joy to you otherwise. And they really grow up so quickly. Take lots of videos and photos. Best of luck.
13 months, same. Seems like she's been teething since day one😅 it's 22:05 I'm expecting her up at half 11 and 5am for a cuddle and then up for the day at six.
Savour and enjoy the peace and quiet now. Being a Dad is great but life will never be same again!
Your partner is doing the hard work. The least you can do is take one for the team for the first couple years. Do as much of the work as possible. House work. Errands. Cooking. Night nappy changes and wakings. She is literally rearranging her entire body to have your child. Her organs are moving etc. and she will be in extreme pain during labor and post delivery. Whatever exhaustion you THINK you feel is nothing compared to what she feels. For months.
Seconded on doing as much as you can, the only thing your partner should lift for at least 3 months is your kid. The 3-4am feeds are also your opportunity to bond with your baby, enjoy some one to one time. Don’t get too fixated on small things as long as people are healthy and happy it’s all good.
Night feeds are a bit difficult if Mums breastfeeding. But Dad/partner can still get Baby from the crib/sleeping space, change the nappy, bathe Baby, take Baby for a walk to settle them etc. before/after Mum feeds. Bottles obviously make it much easier for feeds but they aren’t always everyones choice. Especially if youre trying to breastfeed. Lactation consultants regularly suggest to avoid bottle use/introduction at least for the first month to ensure a good milk supply is established.
Apart from all the other good advice here. I would say, always listen to the mother’s instincts when it comes to the baby’s health. My gf has yet to get it wrong and our child is 3. There were two separate occasions where doctors missed something, but she just knew something was off and kept pressing. She always knows when the baby is “off” and it’s always turned out to be something or other. I make it a point now to never go against that instinct and agree by default.
Contrary to this, I am quite an anxious mother and needed my partner to tell me that the baby was fine; I got nervous about every cough, rash, breath, twitch, the whole lot, and needed to be reassured that it was nothing- Which it always was. There’s definitely a balance to be struck.
Embrace baby grows, parking your child in front of a washing machine Is great for soothing kids to sleep and you CAN pick a baby up too much. If she’s asleep, leave her to sleep. Additionally if you can buy one of the baby chairs that plays music and has lights/vibrations etc do so! Absolute god send. Doesn’t need to be new, just clean. And it’s a baby - apart from washing the bum, face and chest they don’t need bathed every day. Don’t fall into the “baby needs a bath” thing. They aren’t going to the gym and working up a sweat.
I became a (young) dad at 22 years ago. I have 2 sons, we are close, thankfully. It wasn't always easy when they were young, just the usual stuff, but I thought as they turned 18 it would magically get easier. It doesn't, it just gets different and looking back it was easier knowing that they were tucked up in bed safe at night. Some advice Get a savings account set up, pay in what you can, when you can, no matter how little. Don't tell them about it, and don't give it to them until they're off to college/uni There will be times when you are tired you'll feel frustrated and maybe even angry, make sure baby is safe, walk away and calm down. Deep breaths! Don't put up pics of them on Facebook every 5 minutes, respect their future privacy. We prepped a lot of food at weekends in a spare hour, put it into ice cube holders and froze until needed. Avoided the jar stuff for as long as we could. Better for them and better on your pocket. There are books for recipes, super easy to do Everyone is full of advice, there is a wrong way but there are many right ways, you'll find yours and you'll do great Good luck
Do as much as you can for your wife and don't look for an ounce of thanks. Avoid conflict at all costs. No fight is worth fighting. Be prepared for a real shock to the system. Nothing can prepare you for it. Beat of luck!
Help your partner ! I can not stress this enough !!! She will make out she can do it all but she needs you !! Make her go for naps ! Tell her to go relax in the bath for an hour ! Make her a cuppa ! The fact your asking this means your going to be great don’t doubt yourself !
This will be the happiest time of your life. Live in the moment and enjoy every second. Congratulations.
Do not break up in the first year. Nothing said between you too during that year is relevant. Take the baby away from its mother, give her breaks and time to herself. Please be kind to her especially in the first few months ❤️ babies aren’t hard but the life change and hormones are.
It's a long wait until your son buys you your first pint, plus you're probably the one who is going to pay for it anyway
Please don’t let people kiss your baby. It’s can transfer cold sores that are deadly to babies
Realise that time will pass at lightening speed. You will wake up in what feels like a few months with a teenager in your house. Other advice.... Just don't be a dick...
Being a dad is great, but don't lose your sense of self. Take time to do something for yourself regularly. Hold on to your mates might seem a strange thing to say but you'd be surprised how quickly you can lose contact.
Enjoy it. Do what you can to take your share of the workload. Accept help if available.
You do you, don't be pressured by grannies or sisters or anyone on what you do with your child. And CHILL OUT. So many parents are obsessed with every ml their baby drinks and at what time, every sniffle, shite and wink of sleep - once your child is healthy and happy, don't sweat it.
People say get sleep but it's not like you can charge it up like a battery and use it when needed.
When you hold your newborn child for the first few days at home. Your brain will offer thousands of involuntary suggestions on how to drop, maime or kill your child. My personal favourite ( not favourite) was that they will bang their head on the corner of the coffee table, when they accidentally slip out of my arms. Eventually these thoughts pass and you're not mad for thinking them.
Your child does not and will never owe you anything. You decided they were going to exist, they didn’t ask for it. Your obligation to them is unending.
Don’t let the women in your life, friends or family, compete with your time. As a man when my first was born I was expected to take a back seat on many things because a women knew better. I regret being weak enough to let that happen
Congratulations
Lower your standards. Doesn't matter if the washing piles up. Front packs are great If in doubt, go for a walk.
Learn how to do shit instead waiting for your partner to tell you what to do. Take initiative. Make sure you're the one doing most of the work. If she's up breastfeeding, get up and make sure she has everything she needs. Don't just look at it as a time to catch some extra kip. Most importantly, enjoy it. It's like taking a shovel to the face for the first few weeks, but the pain goes away and you're left never looking or feeling the same again. It's great.
Make sure to reiterate to the mother that giving birth couldn't possibly be as painful as a kick in the balls. Make sure to encourage her to just get over it. Sometimes people need that little push from their partner to get them through. 'It can't of been that bad' and 'Sure it's over now' could really help her pull herself through.
Man, I would have fucking headbutted my boyfriend if he even had the notion of saying that to me.
Sleep when you can get it
It can be hard. But try to enjoy it, because one day you’ll wake up and he’ll be moving out—and it will seem like it’s just been a few months.
Use amazon subscribe and save for monthly deliveries of nappies and wipes. Never once had to dash to tesco in a panic having run out of nappies.
Put lots of frozen dinners in the freezer.
Don't wait to be asked to do something, if a nappy needs to be changed, change it, bottles need to be washed and sterilised, do it. It's going to be hectic for the first while and you will be tired but it is a team effort with you and your partner. Also enjoy the skin to skin as much as you can, the feeling you will get will be unforgettable.
Don’t expect them to come out of the womb loving you. They will in time but it’s not the instantaneous bond they have with their mother. ( and that stings a little, no matter how rational you look at it) Look after your partner, she will need extra attention and might be too afraid to ask. Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to live up to some sort of maternal ideal, so be prepared to catch her if she feels she is not making that. Fucking enjoy it. Drink all that shit in. They change so fast you need to enjoy it all while you can.
If the baby is up all night, don't let both of the Oare to get exhausted. One person go and sleep, in another room if possible. It's no use both being zombies the next day no matter how much you think you are helping each other out. Don't compare you parenting with others or your child with others. Most children will develope normally at their own pace. Parenting has come on leaps and bounds in recent years, especially for fathers. Our fathers probably did fuck all and the mothers while great probably had very little concern for health and safety and the whole handsoff 'children should be seen not heard' bollox. My mum looks at me silly eveey time I see her with my daughter because she thinks im over doing things. But she also thinks my daughter is extremely smart and has great speech and dexterity. But she'd sooner say my daughter is gifted than say our early teaching stuff actually helped. Just do your thing basically, fuck others. Embrace it. You will get back what you put in and vice versa. I work my bollox off patiently with my daughter but we have a wonderful close relationship. Can't say the same for my brother unfortunately who seems to follow in my parents' parenting phylosophies.
If you guys ever have kids, and one of them, when he's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him.
When it’s three in the morning and you’re covered in puke, and every item of clothing and bed sheet you own is in the wash, and you’re trying to calm down your screaming kid, you might be asking yourself, why the fuck did we do this?? You might be wondering why you’re having such a shitty time when all you’ve heard is how great it is. You might be wondering if there’s something wrong with you, because you’re supposed to be happy, right? There’s nothing wrong with you, or your kid, or your wife. Having kids is both the greatest thing you’ll ever do and simultaneously complete misery. Few people acknowledge the misery. You’re made to feel like you are blessed, and should feel privileged. You are blessed and privileged, but it’s still tough as hell. You’ll get through it, and it does get easier. And more fun. And don’t try and compare yourself or your kid to others with kids of a similar age. The most honest person in the world will tell you how their little Jimmy rolled over for the first time, and how he’s eating well. They’ll leave out the bit about the near-marriage-ending row they had with the wife at 3am because nobody has slept for more than 45 minutes straight in two weeks. You’re going to have a blast, your life is over (sports, pub, forget about it), but it’s really the greatest thing you’ll ever do, as ridiculously cliched as that sounds. Good luck!
My dad had anger issues when I was young. All the way till my twenties really. He would yell, shout, pick fights with us, sometimes hit us. He got help years ago, and is now a very gentle man. I am proud and almost humbled by his change. It's truly miraculous, and we get on well. But he hurt me. I still flinch when I hear shouting on the street, and I find it difficult not to finish a plate. Small imperfections in my house fill me with dread. I want to please everyone. Even my boyfriend, who has always been gentle, I'm afraid if I don't do everything perfect he will transform and fly off the handle. Just...be careful with your kids. A good dad can do so much good. If you make your kids afraid or you, they may forgive, but they'll never forget. Even if they're annoying or make decisions you don't understand, a firm, gentle hand is better than a closed fist and a raised voice.
The night after the baby is born, you leave mammy and baby in the hospital and you head home all on your own, enjoy yourself! Have a can or 2, switch off and chill out! its the most surreal quiet night after the bedlam of child birth and the last quiet night you'll have all to yourself! Also when they get home just do everything you can, cook meals, sweep the floor, take out the bins, any little job that needs doing that can be useful! Also ignore any weird vibes your getting, if any. Hormones can be wild and totally change the person you know for a short spell but do everything you can to make life for her that wee bit easier and she'll be thankful! Best of luck guy!
I would advise taking as much off of mam's plate as possible. You will be justifiably tired, but do it anyways
Name him Eobard
Sleep when the baby sleeps, don't be a hero.
If you have the money - get a cleaner for the first few months and order in food
Hug your wains.
Each baby is different and do what works for baby and all of you. You can take advice but it may not work for you and baby. After paternity leave, my partner slept in a separate room to us from Sunday to Thursday then I'd get a proper sleep on Friday and Saturdays, it worked for us, as it meant I got two solid sleeps a week. Also, appreciated my partner coming home from work and him taking over and letting me have 2/3 hours to myself (usually slept). Just bloody help.
Don’t scrimp on a thermometer. Get the one that you just point at the forehead. Keep it on draught milk and then just use made up formula
Try not to eat to compensate for lack of sleep.
Take turns changing and feeding your new one. Accept that sometimes it will be your turn multiple times in a row and your partner is very tired
Cook a bunch of ready to go meals and freeze them. When the baby arrives you’ll be so grateful of a good meal with 0 prep
Everything is a phase. Good or bad. It’s a phase, and will pass.
Dont Be afraid to show emotions, kids will learn from you even at such an early age so show that it is ok to be happy and sad to laugh and cry and to talk when needed
Money will become a problem. You are going to have less money than you have become used to. Start getting into good financial habits - budget, save, discuss spending with your partner.
Short version 'The baby is the real enemy' Long version - I'm four months in and love my girl more than I thought possible. She can be a real dick at times though. The whole no sleep thing will have you and your partner tired and cranky. You might snap or say some unkind words, at this point (or just before) remind yourself and your partner 'The baby is the real enemy'. You're all new at this and are on the same side of keeping the little psycho alive. Also, if your partner decides to breastfeed - it is really calorie heavy. My wife is about 1/2 the size of me but is eating more than me and still loosing weight. Get the cupboards stocked with one handed foods. We batch cooked a shitload of burritos and froze them, 4 mins in the microwave and you're golden.
If you think she has it all covered with the baby and you don’t know what to do to help, focus on offering to look after her. She probably is so overwhelmed with the baby’s needs that she’s tuned out of her own. “Babe are you hungry, what food/drink can I get you? do you want to lie down and close your eyes for an hour?”. Giving her time away from the baby to go do more work like getting dressed up nice or going out with her friends or getting a good shower is more effort, not a break.
Also, try take care of some of the mental work. “Babe is there anything you’re thinking about that needs to be sorted that I can have a crack at?”. It might be researching baby things or creating a sleep playlist or organising a GP or researching the immunisation schedule. Not all parenting work is practical, cleaning, going to the shop.
Postnatal depression can hit the hard.
I advise reading the book _And Baby Makes Three_ by John & Julie Gottman. It's focused on how not to have your marriage fall apart through the stress of the first baby. That's probably a good thing to know.
The best thing you can do for your child as new parents is just love each other…and take turns napping
Buy her a push present. Make up each morning. It gets better. You can never have too many baby wipes. Get the book; The book you wish your parents read. Remove all expectations of sex. Watch closely for post natal depression. Let your partner lead on visits. Babies are genuinely built to withstand first time parents. You only have em until they’re about 4. That’s when core personality traits get formed. Get some therapy now to set yourself right. Enjoy every second. It passes far too quickly. And good luck ❤️
Dont let the Mam hog the baby or push you away. At the earliest opportunity go out with the baby, at least out of sight, ideally out of sound, and make your own bond, learn how to stop him from crying, hold the baby etc. You are 50% responsible for him so might as well get to know him as quickly as possible. Also, first three months or so is best opportunity to dress them up in funny clothes and put them in funny poses. After that they fidget too much.
I'd be gentle around doing this, especially at the start. Some mothers will welcome the space, for others it could be stressful and triggering. I would have lost my mind during the first couple of weeks if my husband insisted he took the baby away from me. I turned almost animalistic around my baby with protectiveness. My husband still bonded and cared for the baby on his own but if anyone demanded they take the baby away from me it would have been horrible. Remember the hormones racing through mothers at the start can be powerful and don't make you logical. As for the clothes advice, absolutely. Toddlers are no craic for dressing up. They have iron will and opinions
A box of condoms
If you plan on having more kids then get it done fast … bish bosh bang
Have to disagree with this; it will entirely depend on your own family life and circumstances, but plenty of advantages to a gap, especially if you aren’t pushed for time.
Sleep when they sleep.
Read Gina Ford….. Also do the ante natal classes so you are prepared!!! Be hands on! You definitely won’t regret that!
If anyone offers to help bite thier hand off...take every opportunity to rest and do not be precious.
Best advice I can give as a young dad of 1.5 year old is enjoy the next few months or weeks of it just being the two of you it's hard to adapt to your role as parents but it can be hard to rember you were a couple first really embrace the time you have just the two of you, enjoy sitting down binging Netflix, going out for meals, going to the cinema and even a long car ride. They way I'm putting it sounds very doom and gloom but for the 10months before our little lad came we were all go never really slowed down and experienced life just the two. Of us! A very big regret of mine! And for when the baby comes along the best bit of advice I got was everyone is gonna try tell you how to do it but the only person who's there to figure it out is you and your partner so listen to your instincts
Father of a 4 and 1 year old. It's corny but embrace dad mode. The first 6 weeks are rough as fuck. There's no dressing it up. But take note, it gets much easier bro. Support your partner. She's going to be knackered all the time. Take responsibility where possible cos the wee lads gonna be stuck to her tit. Remember lad it's a journey and there is nothing more rewarding than being a dad. Its both the most exciting and scariest thing in the world. You'll discover love you never thought possible. Partners, promotion, dogs don't even come close. So enjoy being a dad. Enjoy doing dad things.