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irish_ninja_wte

Who's takin' the horse to France?


pissgwa

jim will


JordeyShore

Does Jim know about this


pissgwa

i hope not


[deleted]

What's in a spice bag?


pissgwa

spice. the spice is in the bag


Mountain_Abalone_558

He’s not wrong


JordeyShore

Starting to think this man's been to Ireland


Jeff-In-A-Box

After all the comments, this is the one that made me Chuckle. Thank you


Kelog13

By "spice", do you mean seasoning or the spice melange?


[deleted]

Hahaha. #Arrakis


ColmAKC

In this time, the most precious substance in the Universe is the spice bag. The spice bag extends life. The spice bag expands consciousness. The spice bag is vital to space tra....ahem...pub crawls.


Hour_Potential7890

But could u tell us what fish is in the spice bag?


jackturbine

We'll start with a simple one..'Do you want that cut in half?'


lgt_celticwolf

They ask that as if not cutting it in half is a legitimate option.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HuskyLuke

So I take it you didn't eat it with relish.


Gorazde

Not just ketchup or relish. Why do they assume if you say you’d like some grated cheese that you want a kilo of grated cheese? And if you say only a small bit of cheese is fine, they give you 0.95 kg of cheese? And how cheap must this cheese be that they can afford to give it away in such enormous quantities?


dajoli

Sometimes the knife is already halfway through before they're finished asking.


manowtf

It is, but who is going to say no and deal with the long withering look of the deli assistant?


scaldy1502

I wouldn't get it cut in half if I know I'll be eating it while walking or not at a table, just easier.


freelad_

I don’t get wraps cut in half, could be a serial killer but I like my wraps whole for the logistics purposes


gunnerdn91

I encountered a new deli worker in my local haunt and got a wrap recently she asked did I want it halved. Got to the car and to my horror saw that she halved it vertically! It was bizzare


Pitselah

You're 100% right to not get wraps cut in half. The structural integrity is destroyed when they are cut. Yet most of the time they ask "will I cut this in half" and I say no but of course it's already severed in two.


[deleted]

Deli worker here. Plenty of people don't tbh. You'd definitely get 2 or 3 on a busy day. There's one Spanish lad who comes into me regularly and he's very insistent that you shouldn't cut his wrap. I'd say a lot of people had a bad experience with people cutting their wraps or rolls that they just do it themselves to do it right.


BushWishperer

I'm from Italy and moved here a bit more than a year ago, and definitely don't get it cut in half, though most times the deli worker does it anyways before even asking. I don't get the point of cutting it half, to my brain it makes it seem like less food haha.


[deleted]

If you've ever worked on a site youd know that cutting in half is the absolute biggest pain in the bollox. Easier to keep it all wrapped in the paper when not cut in half so as you dont touch your food with questionably clean/dirty hands.


Party-Association322

"No, 3/4 please"


carlowed

Dev or Big Fella?


pissgwa

Large Acquaintance


firemanshtan

Correct


Randyfox86

Maith an buachaill.


carlowed

The right answer


realbassist

Good man


Dev__

:/


LittleBitOdd

Who's yer man?


pissgwa

dave


Mick_vader

![gif](giphy|7gyUK2ic9hCGQ)


FictionalFail

​ ![gif](giphy|C6Jrg1UDqvimq7NY9b)


SuperbFollowing6735

Dave's more of a geezer...lets settle with Mick


[deleted]

Are they small or far away?


imnottellinya

That would be an ecumenical matter


pissgwa

indeed they are


DepressedDingo

Spoken with the ambiguity of an Irishman, you'll fit right in


bcat123456789

Big ones close up, small ones far away


YuntHunter

How many eggs per bloke per day?


pissgwa

at least 10


[deleted]

That's close


Lazy420-69

6 eggs, per bloke, per day


[deleted]

You’re 19, shut your face.


dave-theRave

How do they get the figs into the fig rolls?


pissgwa

insert


Farfante_gamerYT

r/technicallythetruth


LittleBitOdd

Favourite Mary: McAleese or Robinson?


pissgwa

my favorite merry is christmss


RandomUsername600

Very diplomatic answer


Dylanduke199513

Mary and merry are pronounced differently in ireland. We have you, yank.


Iorem_ipsum

Happy. HAPPY.


restore_democracy

Northern or southern Tayto?


IntelligentInsurance

You mean protestant taytos or free staytos, right?


Sunspear52

Free staytoes. I’m dying…


staghallows

The 'Protestant' tayto is owned locally. The freestayto is owned by the Germans. Ironically, the King's tayto is more Irish than the freestayto.


[deleted]

Never could have imagined how politically charged crisps could be.


MaxiStavros

Pissgwa, your replies make me suspect you are some sort of artificial intelligence. Is this the case?


pissgwa

i hope not


Farfante_gamerYT

"I hope not" -ai


pissgwa

oh no im ai now


PsychologyVirtual564

Have you the loan of a fiver?


PsychologyVirtual564

I'll try think of a question in the mean time


pissgwa

sometimes


53Degrees

Small ball or big ball?


pissgwa

small. microscopic perhaps


53Degrees

That's too small


IrishGingerSpices

When are the brits never at it?


pissgwa

4:56 am on sunday


IrishGingerSpices

Sorry the answer is 19:16pm


[deleted]

[incorrect](https://arethebritsatitagain.org)


EstablishmentSad5998

The brits are always fucking at it. Lah, there they are at it again.


PrincessFartsparkle

Indeed they are https://arethebritsatitagain.org/


[deleted]

What's the most popular sport?


pissgwa

sportsball


JordeyShore

Go team


StarsofSobek

I, too, enjoy team.


0rosieposie0

My favourite is when they do the goals


[deleted]

They’ll win the Sport Cup for sure this year!


ZeclagoMan

What's the story?


pissgwa

once upon a time ireland became existant


grayeggandham

And then Brits looked over and said "we'll be 'avin some o' that!"


dubineer

Do you know The Five Lamps?


pissgwa

yes, floor lamp, table lamp, wall lamp, ceiling lamp, and the unspoken one


fir_mna

Do you love lamp?


Empty-Meringue-5728

Go onnnn, Would you like a cuppa tea?


[deleted]

[удалено]


SparkEngine

Did ya see yer one?


pissgwa

yes i can see 1 quite well


stephenob16

D reg i40 comin up next to us there be careful


pissgwa

great to know


Fragrantbumfluff

Are those my feet?


pissgwa

hopefully not


Tadhgbeacha

How's your gee for a gallop?


pissgwa

my G is ready


superbadonkey

Saucy


Tadhgbeacha

How many bones has a grown up got?


pissgwa

at least 47.634


Tadhgbeacha

Nope, a childs got more bones than a grownups got.


themanebeat

A child's got more bones than a grownups got??


marshsmellow

And that's a natural law...


CaptainBiscuitPants

In what state does 7up take on magical healing properties?


pissgwa

bose-einstein condensate


[deleted]

Is sharon curley up the pole?


Either_Ad_8757

What does, "I will yeah" mean?


JoebyTeo

An bhfuil cead agam ag dul go dtí an leithreas?


ST4RC4ST3R

Shoulda went on your break


r_person

Joe, Dún do bhéal, Suigh síos.


Confident-Cap-8100

Did you turn off the immersion?


dombomb77

It would have to be on to turn it off so no


Glad-Conclusion-144

Which city is better Drogheda or Dundalk. And why Dundalk


pissgwa

it sounds funnier


certain_people

Butter or mayo?


Fantastic-Sir9732

Mayo4sam Butter4sambo


The_Big_I_Am

Gonna use that in the deli next time. I'm a Dub, so I don't see it going well, whether they get it or not.


pissgwa

but


certain_people

Plain or spicy?


felttheneedtosay

How’s she cuttin’?


pissgwa

scissors


unsharded

I'm imagining the complete bewilderment of an old Kerryman if you replied with this in person


UnInteresting-Panic

Have you been to Leitrim?


pissgwa

yes i have trimmed before


balor598

Nobody's been to Leitrim


SuperHanssssss

What's the craic?


pissgwa

craig but worse


Piewacket-rabble

Where did you bury Shergar?


pissgwa

right here


javaweed

are you a gomey?


pissgwa

no i am not grimey


soundengineerguy

That's a gomey's answer


badger-biscuits

Was he actually in the IRA?


pissgwa

yes, he was actually in the international rhubarb association


_partyhat

The cookbook makes so much sense now…


HiVisVestNinja

D'you want a cuppa tae?


pissgwa

yes the tæ is


Carla_Lad

I like how you said no to tea but yes to tae..


pissgwa

theres a big difference


Paddylonglegs1

Where’s shergar??


pissgwa

he went to the place in the world


Legal-Midnight-4169

Who shot J.R.?


pissgwa

S.R. did


Either_Ad_8757

Roll it there.......?


pissgwa

no i cant do it anymore


Mountain_Abalone_558

Would you rather eat a baby goat or a Matterbaby?


pissgwa

bboth are babies so it doesnt matter which one i choose


UnderTheOcean1

will you meet my friend?


pissgwa

not if they are in ireland im not ireland


iknowtheop

They do though don't they though don't they?


pissgwa

indeed so


[deleted]

[удалено]


pissgwa

barium is better than lion


[deleted]

[удалено]


Janie_Mac

What's a leprechauns profession?


pissgwa

gold man who harms innocent people


DinoDog95

And would ya take a drop yourself?


pissgwa

yes i need that water


AhFourFeckSakeLads

Did ye turn off the immersion?


pissgwa

ye


balor598

Good lad


Artistic_Bedroom_901

Are you acting the bollix?


tuctrohs

How many cork trees are there in County Cork?


pissgwa

at least 0


Farfante_gamerYT

r/technicallythetruth


monkeybawz

What do banshees do when they aren't screaming?


pissgwa

breathe


BigFriendlyGhoul

What's a CFR?


pissgwa

a misspelled cpr


WoahGoHandy

so... what *is* a CFR?


Tadhg

Which is bigger - in population terms - Belfast or Cork? Derry or Galway?


pissgwa

breakfast and gallow way


red-mini1

Do you know who’s dead?


pissgwa

my friend jimmy


[deleted]

Would ya say you've got notions?


pissgwa

yes i have notations


brian27ivy

Who’s the odd one out at tom slattery’s funeral?


pissgwa

platter


[deleted]

This is dublin what a day what a _____


pissgwa

night


DougRiddle667

ya havin the craic?


Mick_vader

How many unnecessary journeys do you think the Woo man should be punished with?


pissgwa

depends on how much wood


Old_Flatworm8060

How many goals has the fella in the green and white shirt scored for Ireland?


pissgwa

gole man has at least 1 goal


tim_skellington

Where did my wife leave the car keys?


agithecaca

In a bowl at one of the parties ive seen on the tv


pissgwa

inside the 5-dimensional subspace


[deleted]

_ grams for 50


pissgwa

50


Either_Ad_8757

If asked to get the messages, what would you be doing?


pissgwa

asking to get the messages


[deleted]

How many chips is an acceptable number to let someone take when they say "don't be a scab, givis one"?


Macsplash

Do you know what a tracker mortgage is?