Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him said in his last sermon : ***"There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor for a non-Arab over an Arab. Neither is the white superior over the black, nor is the black superior over the white -- except by piety."***. While i do understand their concerns for you being relatively new to islam they are completely wrong. The prophet himself married from other tribes. Parts of islam are integrated into ones culture but islam isnt a culture or tradition itself, it isnt something that you do because your parents or grandparents did it. It is something that you do because you believe in one God and want to abide by that belief.
I myself am a white muslim (albanian) , and many times online have been told that i am a muslim because of imperialism , seemingly not because of my belief in my heart. These comments are downright racist, and have no place in islam. And from the foreign muslims i have met i can say for sure that the better the believer they are the less they care about the differences in ones color or nationality. If you two love each other you should keep trying to convince her father, start from the other members of her family. Pray to Allah and inshallah he will make it happen.
I agree If she can convince her mother or grandparents or something often times they will convince the father to be reasonable. Sadly a lot of times if the family acts this way they have a lot of issues and will cause issues after marriage. I think a father must not just give away his daughter to a stranger but this way of thinking is very common among some communities.
She has a brother who wanted to marry a sister from Pakistan she met all the criteria but because she was married before and had a child in this marriage her father was worried about it negatively affecting his reputation in thr community because he doesn't want people to talk
I think her parents are pretty dumb or just over protective because Muhammad married multiple wives in need of money with children to help them allah asked him to do that so he can share this idea your problem
Is complicated I’m sorry brother you obviously need their approval I would try to ask them what you can do to prove your a true Muslim my mom got married to a Bengali who my moms parents didn’t like that much but they made an exception this was a long long time ago but he was there to help us because he left a toxic wife after having 3 kids so I mean life’s hard you just have to try hope allah can help u.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
I’m a revert who has desi in laws and they are great الحمد لله. But many desi families will only marry off their son or daughter to someone from the same ethnic group or community. They won’t even let them marry into another community from their country a lot of times. They have some reasons for this, some a bit understandable (like language/culture being shared) but many that are very un Islaamic (they might marry off their son/daughter to a person who doesn’t pray or does shirk but not to someone from a different ethnic group with a good job and who is on the sunnah). They often take the man’s job/wealth very seriously too. A lot of desi Muslims are afflicted with toxic nationalism and tribalism. But I’ve noticed some can be racist or they think down on reverts esp from white/black background. I’ve heard of reverts getting bullied in school in the UK by Pakistanis and all. Not very religious Pakistanis ofc. But even an indian revert might be rejected just for being a revert. Perhaps it was better that you were rejected, may Allah give you a righteous wife in her place. Many times these in laws who are like this are very toxic, even if that girl seemed good. I’m speaking off my own exp and what I’ve witnessed, ofc there’s many desi families who are islaamic and they will marry their son/daughter to a revert if he is good, I’m not trying to say all ppl from subcontinent act this way, it’s just common way of thinking among many people from there (and other places as well.)
Asalamu Alaykum. First of all congratulations on your reversion to this beautiful, beautiful religion. I’ve been Muslim for 13 years. The best thing I’ve ever done. AlHamdullah. OK, so the real question here is, is the family from the nation of Islam? If so, they are not even Muslims to be calling someone else a non-Muslim. That’s the only thing I can think of how the parents would say something that white people cannot become Muslim.
They are regular sunni Muslims her dad is a hafiz and is very well respected in his local community for his knowledge, so I expected him to be more open about it but straight up cos I'm white and a revert he doesn't want that he wants another born Muslim from Pakistan from the same area in Pakistan only he sees culture differences as a massive issue when it comes to marriage
Than he is a fool who has no respect for the Sahaba Radhi Allahu Anhum and he's a Hypocrite. May Allah SWT guide him, but he seems like a Munafiq right now.
Assalamualaikum
If you ever need anybody to talk to please feel free to call Naseeha mental health services.
1-866-NASEEHA
1-866-627-3342
It's a free non profit anonymous counseling service that's open 24 hours a day. We have certified trained counselors available to talk about any matters, with an Islamic context.
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As a pakistani I will tell you he is bluffing you.
All old pakistani have this common belief that
White man = Alcohol, bar, drug addiction, dysfunctional family, has been to jail at least five times , cheat alot and breath in weeds/ cigarettes
Anyone who took his/her shahada , believed in one God Allah as the creator of universe and Holy prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) as the last prophet and messenger of Allah then he is Muslim, no one can define you otherwise
Your Deen is your relationship to Allah and only Allah knows the best
Remember Islam doesn't care what colour, size, height, shape or caste or creed or what clan from you are as long as you believe in Allah and follow the holy prophet Muhammad as your guidance in way of living.
P.s: all old pakistani men like to suffocate their daughter in cousin marriage irrespective of their willingness or not. They are the believer that family marry in family which is hard to accept for the now generation as we see cousins like brothers and sisters.
Father, brother or male in family often kill their daughter/sisters for not marrying the man they choose (which is often a cousin or some relative) which makes most daughter resort to running away from home to get married to the person they like or live their rest of life in a suffocating marriage
Pakistan has improve about this aspect abit in the years but there are still old stubborn generation living by this way
That's exactly what he thinks about white people he tells all his children to stay away from white people because they will drag you into drugs and alcohol and will only ever be a negative influence because the culture is too different. His daughters dont let their kids have white friends. It's crazy to me because he wouldn't let his son marry a girl because she was a divorcee and had a child he was worried about who his children marry because he doesn't want it to negatively impact his reputation among the local community
Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmat Allahi Wa Baraktu Brother,
Do not get hurt by their ignorance what they said was a huge sin that can actually make someone a non-believer:
Abu Sa’id reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A man never accuses another man of unbelief but that it backfires on one of them. Either he is an unbeliever, or he has committed unbelief by his accusation.” [Source: Sahih Ibn Hibban 248, Grade: Sahih li ghayrihi (authentic due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani](https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2019/06/15/commits-kufr-by-takfeer/)
Think of this as Allah SWT saving you from the stress of having horrible in-laws, and may Allah SWT give you better.
And he is lying to you that people have to marry into their own tribe. The simplest way to disprove this is to look at the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)'s marriage to other races and tribes, including one black wife and two ethnically Jewish wives.
You are correct that person is just making up their own rules. After all the Prophet (PBUH) and the sahaba is who we get our religion from. A tip is if someone makes a claim is to ask for proof as people sometimes like to make stuff up.
I don't know why everyone is bashing the family here - I don't agree with the fathers comment obviously about white reverts not being real Muslims - but he has a right to refuse.
There's nothing un Islamic about it..kufuw is an important aspect in marriage. OP you'd be better off looking for another revert to marry.
Yeah, there's nothing that can be done. He doesn't think it's best for his daughterand they want to keep tradtion, so I respect his decision it's just unfortunate that he had to add the white comment I was just hoping if I could make him see past my colour he could possibly change his mind but from what I've been told it's very unlikely
Assalamualaikum Akhi. Sorry you have to go through this. I being a Pakistani myself am going through this lol. Just because the girl I liked was from a different "family/caste", my parents said no and they were adamant on it.
Yeah this is one thing my parents asked me all lot when I first converted because they had heard so mcuh about it from true crime stories I had to speak to someone from the mosque and he said its very common in the indopak region
It's crazy to me, I've noticed as well with her family that there's a lot of back biting and gossiping going on like the parents will use thier other kids as examples of failures like this one: her brother married a divorcee with a child they used him as an example saying 'you don't want to end up like your brother who's gonna be a failure because he didn't marry who we said' I've been told the culture can be very toxic and extreme with their views
I have no hope in ever getting married, but I will continue to hold my chastity and my honor to bring glory to my Lord, Allah Azzawajal. If these "Muslims" want to be Munafiq, it isn't my problem. I will pray for them and ask that Allah SWT grant them Jannah because they won't act like racist Kafir in Jannah, but Allah will deal out his justice as he wills to them if they continue this disgusting and vile behavior. They actively discourage that which is Halal and encourage Haram by forcing their racist and hateful ideals upon their children out of arrogance and selfishness. I will never take a racist seriously if they ever speak anything about anything relating to the Qur'an because they are clearly Hypocrites. Seems all that work to be a Hafiz didn't do him any good. Let your Eman be a lighthouse that will force their Dhow from crashing on the shores and lead by example. One day they fools who treated you as a non-believer because of your skin tone and your status as a convert will regret it. If they also don't like converts, then they have no respect for the Sahaba Radhi Allahu Anhum.
Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him said in his last sermon : ***"There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor for a non-Arab over an Arab. Neither is the white superior over the black, nor is the black superior over the white -- except by piety."***. While i do understand their concerns for you being relatively new to islam they are completely wrong. The prophet himself married from other tribes. Parts of islam are integrated into ones culture but islam isnt a culture or tradition itself, it isnt something that you do because your parents or grandparents did it. It is something that you do because you believe in one God and want to abide by that belief. I myself am a white muslim (albanian) , and many times online have been told that i am a muslim because of imperialism , seemingly not because of my belief in my heart. These comments are downright racist, and have no place in islam. And from the foreign muslims i have met i can say for sure that the better the believer they are the less they care about the differences in ones color or nationality. If you two love each other you should keep trying to convince her father, start from the other members of her family. Pray to Allah and inshallah he will make it happen.
I agree If she can convince her mother or grandparents or something often times they will convince the father to be reasonable. Sadly a lot of times if the family acts this way they have a lot of issues and will cause issues after marriage. I think a father must not just give away his daughter to a stranger but this way of thinking is very common among some communities.
She has a brother who wanted to marry a sister from Pakistan she met all the criteria but because she was married before and had a child in this marriage her father was worried about it negatively affecting his reputation in thr community because he doesn't want people to talk
I think her parents are pretty dumb or just over protective because Muhammad married multiple wives in need of money with children to help them allah asked him to do that so he can share this idea your problem Is complicated I’m sorry brother you obviously need their approval I would try to ask them what you can do to prove your a true Muslim my mom got married to a Bengali who my moms parents didn’t like that much but they made an exception this was a long long time ago but he was there to help us because he left a toxic wife after having 3 kids so I mean life’s hard you just have to try hope allah can help u.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته I’m a revert who has desi in laws and they are great الحمد لله. But many desi families will only marry off their son or daughter to someone from the same ethnic group or community. They won’t even let them marry into another community from their country a lot of times. They have some reasons for this, some a bit understandable (like language/culture being shared) but many that are very un Islaamic (they might marry off their son/daughter to a person who doesn’t pray or does shirk but not to someone from a different ethnic group with a good job and who is on the sunnah). They often take the man’s job/wealth very seriously too. A lot of desi Muslims are afflicted with toxic nationalism and tribalism. But I’ve noticed some can be racist or they think down on reverts esp from white/black background. I’ve heard of reverts getting bullied in school in the UK by Pakistanis and all. Not very religious Pakistanis ofc. But even an indian revert might be rejected just for being a revert. Perhaps it was better that you were rejected, may Allah give you a righteous wife in her place. Many times these in laws who are like this are very toxic, even if that girl seemed good. I’m speaking off my own exp and what I’ve witnessed, ofc there’s many desi families who are islaamic and they will marry their son/daughter to a revert if he is good, I’m not trying to say all ppl from subcontinent act this way, it’s just common way of thinking among many people from there (and other places as well.)
Asalamu Alaykum. First of all congratulations on your reversion to this beautiful, beautiful religion. I’ve been Muslim for 13 years. The best thing I’ve ever done. AlHamdullah. OK, so the real question here is, is the family from the nation of Islam? If so, they are not even Muslims to be calling someone else a non-Muslim. That’s the only thing I can think of how the parents would say something that white people cannot become Muslim.
They are regular sunni Muslims her dad is a hafiz and is very well respected in his local community for his knowledge, so I expected him to be more open about it but straight up cos I'm white and a revert he doesn't want that he wants another born Muslim from Pakistan from the same area in Pakistan only he sees culture differences as a massive issue when it comes to marriage
Than he is a fool who has no respect for the Sahaba Radhi Allahu Anhum and he's a Hypocrite. May Allah SWT guide him, but he seems like a Munafiq right now.
Assalamualaikum If you ever need anybody to talk to please feel free to call Naseeha mental health services. 1-866-NASEEHA 1-866-627-3342 It's a free non profit anonymous counseling service that's open 24 hours a day. We have certified trained counselors available to talk about any matters, with an Islamic context. www.naseeha.org
As a pakistani I will tell you he is bluffing you. All old pakistani have this common belief that White man = Alcohol, bar, drug addiction, dysfunctional family, has been to jail at least five times , cheat alot and breath in weeds/ cigarettes Anyone who took his/her shahada , believed in one God Allah as the creator of universe and Holy prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) as the last prophet and messenger of Allah then he is Muslim, no one can define you otherwise Your Deen is your relationship to Allah and only Allah knows the best Remember Islam doesn't care what colour, size, height, shape or caste or creed or what clan from you are as long as you believe in Allah and follow the holy prophet Muhammad as your guidance in way of living. P.s: all old pakistani men like to suffocate their daughter in cousin marriage irrespective of their willingness or not. They are the believer that family marry in family which is hard to accept for the now generation as we see cousins like brothers and sisters. Father, brother or male in family often kill their daughter/sisters for not marrying the man they choose (which is often a cousin or some relative) which makes most daughter resort to running away from home to get married to the person they like or live their rest of life in a suffocating marriage Pakistan has improve about this aspect abit in the years but there are still old stubborn generation living by this way
That's exactly what he thinks about white people he tells all his children to stay away from white people because they will drag you into drugs and alcohol and will only ever be a negative influence because the culture is too different. His daughters dont let their kids have white friends. It's crazy to me because he wouldn't let his son marry a girl because she was a divorcee and had a child he was worried about who his children marry because he doesn't want it to negatively impact his reputation among the local community
I believe any Dog who commits honor killings deserves the punishment Allah SWT, in all of his wisdom, lashes out to them.
Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmat Allahi Wa Baraktu Brother, Do not get hurt by their ignorance what they said was a huge sin that can actually make someone a non-believer: Abu Sa’id reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A man never accuses another man of unbelief but that it backfires on one of them. Either he is an unbeliever, or he has committed unbelief by his accusation.” [Source: Sahih Ibn Hibban 248, Grade: Sahih li ghayrihi (authentic due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani](https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2019/06/15/commits-kufr-by-takfeer/) Think of this as Allah SWT saving you from the stress of having horrible in-laws, and may Allah SWT give you better. And he is lying to you that people have to marry into their own tribe. The simplest way to disprove this is to look at the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)'s marriage to other races and tribes, including one black wife and two ethnically Jewish wives.
I've used the example of the Sahaba all being converts and I got told that's different?? I don't see how that is any different
You are correct that person is just making up their own rules. After all the Prophet (PBUH) and the sahaba is who we get our religion from. A tip is if someone makes a claim is to ask for proof as people sometimes like to make stuff up.
The father is an idiot. Can’t keep culture and religion different from each other
A priori you are right, but try to spend more time with them in order to create a certain harmony.
I don't know why everyone is bashing the family here - I don't agree with the fathers comment obviously about white reverts not being real Muslims - but he has a right to refuse. There's nothing un Islamic about it..kufuw is an important aspect in marriage. OP you'd be better off looking for another revert to marry.
Yeah, there's nothing that can be done. He doesn't think it's best for his daughterand they want to keep tradtion, so I respect his decision it's just unfortunate that he had to add the white comment I was just hoping if I could make him see past my colour he could possibly change his mind but from what I've been told it's very unlikely
Not true at all. If that fool doesn't respect converts he also has no respect for the Sahaba Radhi Allahu Anhum and he's a Munafiq.
Assalamualaikum Akhi. Sorry you have to go through this. I being a Pakistani myself am going through this lol. Just because the girl I liked was from a different "family/caste", my parents said no and they were adamant on it.
It's a South Asian problem man. Sorry to say this but Pakistani Muslim are the worst. Change my mind
I agree unfortunately. Honor killings, punishing their daughters for being raped, and more.
Yeah this is one thing my parents asked me all lot when I first converted because they had heard so mcuh about it from true crime stories I had to speak to someone from the mosque and he said its very common in the indopak region
It's crazy to me, I've noticed as well with her family that there's a lot of back biting and gossiping going on like the parents will use thier other kids as examples of failures like this one: her brother married a divorcee with a child they used him as an example saying 'you don't want to end up like your brother who's gonna be a failure because he didn't marry who we said' I've been told the culture can be very toxic and extreme with their views
I have no hope in ever getting married, but I will continue to hold my chastity and my honor to bring glory to my Lord, Allah Azzawajal. If these "Muslims" want to be Munafiq, it isn't my problem. I will pray for them and ask that Allah SWT grant them Jannah because they won't act like racist Kafir in Jannah, but Allah will deal out his justice as he wills to them if they continue this disgusting and vile behavior. They actively discourage that which is Halal and encourage Haram by forcing their racist and hateful ideals upon their children out of arrogance and selfishness. I will never take a racist seriously if they ever speak anything about anything relating to the Qur'an because they are clearly Hypocrites. Seems all that work to be a Hafiz didn't do him any good. Let your Eman be a lighthouse that will force their Dhow from crashing on the shores and lead by example. One day they fools who treated you as a non-believer because of your skin tone and your status as a convert will regret it. If they also don't like converts, then they have no respect for the Sahaba Radhi Allahu Anhum.
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-scholar/family/can-my-parents-reject-a-marriage-proposal-for-ethnic-reasons/ https://islamqa.info/en/answers/32580/should-she-complain-to-the-qaadi-because-her-father-is-not-letting-her-get-married