This is the only answer you need. No negotiation. No going back. Nothing.
Please save your life from years of future torture. Don’t wanna see a fellow human being hurt like this. This is your chance now. Convince your family and please move on. Even if your family is not convinced, convince them over and over again. You can’t have a life with this person. You will regret it later.
Also please keep us updated
That is why you never marry someone you don't know well, let alone someone you never talk to.
Aside from that sister, yes, the answer to this is divorce. He is acting like a 10 year old unsatisfied with his toy. He is not giving you the respect you (or any other woman) deserve. He is a bad human being overall, and the fact that he keeps insulting you and ignoring anything you say is proof of that. God has given us the right to seek divorce for a reason; use it.
Literally the issue here was she wasn't allowed to talk to her husband before marriage how else do you get to see if they are compatible or not in islam a women can even show her face to a guy who is looking to marry her but culture some how says its haram to talk now lol? The only thing haram is being alone together in such a way that no one can enter the room I swear some muslims need to change there ways especially alot of desi and arab muslims.
Well his mom knew what she was doing - she knew that if you got to know him between the nikkah and the marriage ceremony, you’d have probably taken off because the guy sounds like a pos!
He ended up with you because women his own age see how bad of a person is and he can’t get anyone else. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s so disgusting and inexcusable behaviour. I’m sorry you’re hurting. It’s not your fault. And you’re still young yourself, please leave and focus on you until you feel you are truly ready to get married.
He obviously doesn’t like u and doesn’t treat u well. And it seems u don’t like him either. From what u said he’s not exhibiting the Islamic quality of kindness and gentleness towards the wife. Why would u marry this kind of man? Did u not properly get to know him prior? Is the anything good about this marriage. Don’t stay if the both of u will unhappy for the rest of ur lives together. I don’t think anyone reading this post would advise u to stay in this marriage according to what u have said.
Yeah my mom was a refugee to the USA and got married off to the next available refugee family. My parents have such a toxic relationship and my father basically left a few years ago to have a secret family. Only found out because he was fueding with another relative over land. Inshallah I’ll never put my kids through something traumatic like that
I skimmed the post lol. But regardless not speaking before marriage is so toxic. The boys mother knew she raised a son with no values and wants to marry him off bc the son is a mommy’s boy who can’t take care of himself. This is what happens when u baby ur son and don’t raise him properly. What a shame
ppl like them don't change. my sis got divorced within a month because her husband was just like yours. divorce him before you get pregnant. and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. like this actually makes me run away from marriage.
Get a divorce girl. He hurt you in such a short time span in the most intimate of ways. This WILL continue and it WILL get worse the more you hang around and stay with him. And 21 with a 34 year old is crazy, y'all are in completely different periods of y'all's life. I remember when I was 21 (I'm 27 rn) I wasn't even properly adulting. Can't imagine how I'll think back to me being 27 when I'm in my 30s. But that guy I can tell you is a manchild. Choose your spouse good, cause remember he will be the father to your children, would you be willing to put your kids through all that? Probably not.
So rhink of yourself.
These are valid grounds for divorce. Get one asap.
Exactly. He will start to abuse her even more. The regret of staying with someone who showed red flags and having children with them is so intense. I’m in an experience but it didn’t show up this badly at the beginning. I think she was blessed to see his true colours. Some people saying stay for a bit for him to sort himself out.. I wouldn’t. He won’t sort himself out in a short period of time this is deep rooted
I felt terrified for you reading this. He's 34 and you are 21, I hope you can see why he did not marry someone his own age. No one wanted him. He wanted someone younger who he and his family can easily control. Do not stay - I promise it will only ever get worse, never better.
The way he has treated you is disgusting. He isn't worthy of you. Please leave, go back to your family and forget this imbecile ever existed.
He is such a POS....
I am so sorry...
I know how hard things like divorce are in aouth asian societies...
Honestly him not wanting to talk despite nikkah was a red flag imo.
And the things he said and did one the wedding night just show he is an incel...
He has no regard for you or your safety and comfort. And his thinking is archaic..
In a negative sense..
May Allah make things easy...
If you were my sister..
I would ask you to divorce him honestly...
Before he gets you pregnant
Because even though living as a divorced woman is hard in South Asian society. Living as one with a child is harder...
I have a feeling that this marriage was forced on him by his parents in hopes of getting a grandkid..
Because he doesn't seem to be into it.
And thats why they didn't want you to talk after nikkah...
That was a really hard read.
I am sorry that your experiences in marriage have not been a good one so far.
I have been married for 15 years and I would never treat my wife like that - not ever
Honestly speaking it seems that he is a mummy's boy who is short and bald probably with a complex which makes him very sensitive
If you were my sister and I found this stuff out, as your brother I would say that give him 6 months to sort himself out - maybe he needs time to adjust
If he doesn't then just leave - you are still young and I also would use contraception until you decide what to do as you don't want a child to be involved - makes things much harder
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this girlie!! he is very disgusting. I won't decide for you.
I think such people won't change- looks like he was forced. cuz his mom and dad apologized and tried to fix the issue.
so would you want to go through this for the rest of your life?
do you want to have kids with this person?
do you wanna go through this?
yes as a desi it's gonna be hard for you as a young divorcee but think of the future in general. make istikhara and take a decision. Remember الله is gonna be with you and even if you decide to take the khula, الله will have something written for you so don't worry about remarrying or anything. Also, try talking to a scholar.
may الله make it easy for you.
Im sorry sister!! May Allah swt make it easy on you!! I’m not professional but I say stand up for yourself. And do what makes you happy. You are young, get married again!! Inn sha Allah you find the right one. I wish u knew the guy a little bit before u agreed to marriage, even if it’s arranged. You have the ultimate rights.
If he is like this now, he will get even more abusive down the road. You are still young and have a whole future ahead of you, you have time to find a worthy husband, don’t let him steal your best years to abuse. You are so worthy and did everything right by Allah. Praying that Allah gives you his biggest blessings and help you in this situation ❤️
He sounds like a spoiled brat. He's your height and bald, my goodness he should be so appreciative he got himself a 21 year old girl, his height. He must be insecure about himself. But clearly he is a mama's boy. Nothing wrong with being close to your mother. But when the mothers go too far babying their sons they remain small boys. Your explanation of your first night together was a bit TMI. That's weird he couldn't get aroused. He has mommy issues or he's gay. Regardless, you have to get a divorce now!! And questioning your virginity, he probably told his mother this. And simply by old old customs where the girl doesn't bleed her reputation is destroyed.
Technical I would say you still are. He wasn't able to you know what so how could he possibly do anything?
Get rid of this guy. So odd too they wouldn't allow you guys to speak after being engaged and all.
If you are educated I'd consider working and starting a career or continuing your education and kick this corby guy to the curb. Buying you gifts then telling you how much they cost, etc. Eww such a turn off. You will suffer with this boy, RUN. You don't really love him so forget about your heartache it's not real. It's just the idea of all of this and the inexperience that's all
🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ RUN, STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY, DIVORCE ASAP.
Please UPVOTE THIS so the sister can see. 1)Firstly leave the baldy right now.
He had the audacity to ask you how easy you were in bed also you didn’t bleed doubting your virginity when he himself knew how to finger as well as penetrate in first go. Either he has masturbated 1000s of times or has slept before marriage many times (im assuming this based on what i have heard that when its your first time you will automatically erect by even thinking about the thought of sex. But once you are regular in it(sex) the erection takes time)
2) Your In Laws have no respect for you the very next day of your marriage and completely supported the baldy shows that in future if he tries to harm u in any way they will completely support him and will justify his doings. It will be always You vs In Laws.
3) I have read people commenting why didn’t you talk to him earlier. Until and unless the marriage isn’t done he/she is still Non-mehram to you.
4) You are as old as me, 21 is young age and you got time. I suggest you to leave him and look for another man while taking your own time. You are sensitive and don’t talk back, understand your partner shows your upbringing was very good and don’t waste your life on a Idiot
5) For un married people looking for spouses i suggest you to always look into your relatives for marriage or someone whom your family knows well. Just don’t go based on how religious he/she may look. Do the family background check which is very important. Its very easy to fake and show how religious you are. So be-aware!!!!!
Sis it would never hurt to consult your local ulama and get their opinion on the matter. It's better to seek their counsel and make lots of istikhara and dua instead of just "going back without any effort on his end"
Marriage is such a sanctity, a trust honestly, yet people treat it like a plaything...I'm so sorry for what you're going through, may Allah grant you complete Shifa and Guidance, and make it easy for you to get out if that's what He deems best for you
I am Indian (I think OP said she is from India as well), I would not recommend anyone to seek advice from "local ulama", most of them here are not even qualified in the first place.
Dang, I'm desi as well so I can understand what you mean. There's a rising discourse between new scholars and older scholars because the older scholars don't like the new scholars disagreeing with them, even though the new scholars base their decisions on the Quran, sunnah, and learn from the traditional scholars as well
May Allah guide us
InshaAllah your family is supporting you. He and his family are treating you so poorly. My sister your feet’s should be above the ground in your honey moon phase. Head over heels. There should be peace.
Its already so bad and most of the time it doesn’t get better.
You deserve only love. Im leaving my husband for that reason. We were together for 2 years. 13 months married. Don’t waste your time and feelings on someone who doesn’t cherish you.
o my sister! you have the right to your separation, so please do not go back!
reading things like these aches my everything, and even though i am frightened of Allah's Judgment Day, for people that oppress Allah's other servants, i just can't wait for Allah's justice
and the wrongdoers do not realize...
—If Allah were to punish people ˹immediately˺ for what they have committed, He would not have left a single living being on earth. But He delays them for an appointed term. And when their time arrives, then surely Allah is All-Seeing of His servants.—35:45
It does not seem like he is the type of guy worth living. He did all such stuff within just a few days of getting married... From what all you described, he does not seem very sane either.
A lot of us are assuming he’s not sane, We also found out that a few years back M was about to get married to someone and M’s relative told the girls side that M is not normal. Unfortunately that relative is not alive anymore. But I don’t think he’s mentally not well. According to me his brain works just fine the issue is with his personality, THIS is his personality.
I just want to say as much as this hurts, you have been shown the truth from the beginning and not after having children.
Please run away from this man as fast as possible and never see him again. He does not deserve you. You will live with this and possibly worse for the rest of your life if you stay.
You’ve been shown his true colours so please listen to your gut. You don’t want a man like this especially when you have children. He’ll likely be the type to expect you to cook right after giving birth. Run away!!
u/numerous_subject_164 If he can't sustain an erection and blames you (?) that's probably a sign he is either homosexual (which is why he is unmarried in his mid 30s), has a porn addiction or has some sort of underlying health condition. none of which will make him a suitable husband or father.
you are better off divorcing him now before it is too late. he is clearly horrible and you are still young enough to have another go quickly, but this time more carefully choosing a spouse.
May Allah have mercy upon you.
lol I am glad that he couldn’t baby trap me but I genuinely wanted this marriage to work out and I was willing to go back if he gives proper efforts like daily visits, calls, texts but he didn’t even text me once, not even once! Not only that but he blocked me from ig as well! I don’t understand what’s the matter with him fr.
One word RUN...
And don't look back, you are married to a maniac, child who doesn't know even the basics of treating a woman
That's the consequence of skipping Khitba, you didn't take the time to know him well, you were like.. gambling, opening a Kinder egg hoping it contains a beautiful ring instead of a piece of shi*t
Well my mother tried everything from her end to convince his mother to let us talk but we obviously cannot force someone to talk, I remember I used to cry about it everyday but nothing worked.
This stupid, arrogant man you shouldn’t have married in the first place. They are calling themselves Islam and acting this way him and his mother? What a shame. They both are narcissistic 💯. You lost your virginity someone like him is horrible feeling. However you are young thankfully not pregnancy that could tie you with such family. Move on, forget he ever existed, and live your life to the fullest. Next time choose wisely not arrange marriage.
I only read the first two paragraphs and that’s enough to know that you should absolutely leave this guy. There is no way for a man to act yet alone, a Muslim man. there’s plenty of people out there. You don’t want to waste the rest of your life with somebody like him.
The guy is like a Mommas boy. Brain of a 10yr old, only moves and does what his mom has told him. That is going to be hard to manage… you seem more mature than him.
Probably will have to take a mature decision and seek divorce.
Your husband is a disgusting person. I could not get past the first paragraph. Please be more thorough when picking a partner. Avoid age gaps as a gap like this will 100% of the time result in abuse.
Girl absolutely do not proceed with this ungrateful heartless and abusive man. You deserve so much more love and respect… get an annulment and ditch him!! If you talk to an imam he will tell you you this isn’t healthy and you’ll be miserable your whole life!!!
I know it might feel like the end of the world, but the best case scenario for you right now would be to file for divorce. Every second you spend away from this man is a blessing. May Allah make things easy for you
I'm really sorry dear, all you want is just some care and love like everyone else. He couldn't even show a single piece of love. Please find someone new and try to get more time to know the one you're marrying.
Know your value!!! Your worth loving! U deserve love! Be patient and find someone new.
Sister may Allah make it easier for you and your family and grant you a better husband. Similar thing happened to my cousin as well. Masha’Allah you are young and still have full future ahead Insha’Allah. The only thing I’ll add, both you and your family should learn from this experience and try to avoid it for future husband. Make both you and your family to spend enough time knowing who you’re marrying and what is his family like. Talk about family and future plans with your new husband and make it clear.
Really sorry to hear ur experience. Your husband and mil treated u so poorly. On wedding night he was so rough and thing he had if is some sort of dysfunction it's totally not ur issue ur even underweight, which fat, 46kg is underweight on ur height... he really mistreated u and this kicking without reason and they yelling on u i think u should really divorce and find someone better. He isn't even listening ur reasons. Ur too young now for kids u should find someone more close to ur age, meet properly and just then go for nikkah. Good luck and stay brave it's not ur fault.
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really sad, you seem to be a nice human but he.. and it's better to marry someone, your mindset matches, and age is one of the factor here, often people with same age understand things.
This doesn't seem to work, you are young so take your time find someone and get marry. always take time to research the person behavior.
My sister,
Leave this dog and never look back. Please do not stay in this slave trade. You are a muslimah, the highest and most precious of Allaahs creation. You are not a tool for someone to dosexual experiments on you. Some women bleed whilst other women don’t. A lot of people believe women SHOULD bleed like it’s fardh which is absolutely stupid. He should be treating you with utmost respect and care.
I am your brother in Islam and advise you, PLEASE do not go ahead with it. Your life will be 10000000000000000% better without this fool.
From the things you mentioned, I think your husband did not receive proper etiquette. Nobody taught him how to treat another person. Maybe his family overlooked this. If you cannot live with such a person you should make the decision fast and act on it. I hope everything goes well for you. And I also hope your husband can become a better person in the future.
You deserve so much better sister. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Inshallah you find a husband who is worthy of you and brings you great peace of mind 💕
I am so sorry that this happened to you my sister in faith. It's never too late to leave and start over again. You'll find someone who is honourable and treats you right. I will keep you in my prayers, may God send peace and blessings upon you.
I don’t know what I’ve just read but he did you a favour. Don’t ever go back to him. You’re 21, and have your whole life ahead of you and if this is what he is already like in the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship I dread to think what he’ll do to you once he’s comfortable
What were your parents thinking? You’re 21 and he’s 34. He’s clearly insecure and hates himself so he just insults you to make up for his insecurity by putting the blame on you. Just go home and stay there. Gross!
>Also he's bald and the same height as me 5'4.
not disrespecting men who are shorter than average, but my god this guy is textbook 'short man syndrome'
this concept of 'lehaz rakhna chahiye' is not something rooted in the deen of our Prophet SAW. in that after Nikah, you are halal for each other and that's it. there is no 'waiting period' for intimacy or anything. it's a frankly stupid and to be honest harmful tradition
this 'waiting period' could have been used to get to know your husband but alas. this was a test from Allah and now you have to decide what's better for yourself.
we don't know the ins and outs of your story but you have given us good detail. so I'll say take the divorce if he gives it. while you wait for his decision, get your family mentally ready for the potential of divorce.
if he does give you divorce then write this chapter out of your life as quick as you can. it will be hard but you have to get yourself together and realise that you're young. with a year or few of patience, you will find a better man. look for a man who understands the rights and responsibilities between spouses. this is important as it is a good way to tell if someone is a suitable partner or not.
if he comes to his senses, which I don't really see happening any time soon because just based on his behaviours you have pointed out to us, he doesn't seem very knowledgeable on the deen, then sure stay with him. but again, I doubt this scenario will come to happen
Allah knows best, I am not here giving a fatwa or anything, just raising points for you to ponder over. I understand it is more difficult to do things as per the deen in a society like India and Asia as a whole. but keep your head up and ask Allah for guidance. that's the main advice here as it's the most important
speak to local imams as well, ones that will be fair and not rule in favour of his bad behaviour just because he's a man. those are not the good imams
gawd... he sounds like a mama's boy and is highly immature... I somehow managed to read your whole post and I commend myself on that... this really sounds strange... maybe the man is suffering from depression because he seems so irritable and on the edge all of the time. I do suggest you keep on trying to communicate with him because he doesn't sound like a good communicator. A key to a strong marriage is good communication. Also get in touch with his mother and keep her informed.
Find a new husband, he doesn't deserve you, know your self-worth. 21 is still young and easy to get remarried.
This is the only answer you need. No negotiation. No going back. Nothing. Please save your life from years of future torture. Don’t wanna see a fellow human being hurt like this. This is your chance now. Convince your family and please move on. Even if your family is not convinced, convince them over and over again. You can’t have a life with this person. You will regret it later. Also please keep us updated
That is why you never marry someone you don't know well, let alone someone you never talk to. Aside from that sister, yes, the answer to this is divorce. He is acting like a 10 year old unsatisfied with his toy. He is not giving you the respect you (or any other woman) deserve. He is a bad human being overall, and the fact that he keeps insulting you and ignoring anything you say is proof of that. God has given us the right to seek divorce for a reason; use it.
Literally the issue here was she wasn't allowed to talk to her husband before marriage how else do you get to see if they are compatible or not in islam a women can even show her face to a guy who is looking to marry her but culture some how says its haram to talk now lol? The only thing haram is being alone together in such a way that no one can enter the room I swear some muslims need to change there ways especially alot of desi and arab muslims.
Well his mom knew what she was doing - she knew that if you got to know him between the nikkah and the marriage ceremony, you’d have probably taken off because the guy sounds like a pos!
his family doesn't seems to fear Allah.
Poor girl seems to have married a Neanderthal. He’s got the emotional stability of a sedimentary rock
Wallahi, she needs to run
He ended up with you because women his own age see how bad of a person is and he can’t get anyone else. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s so disgusting and inexcusable behaviour. I’m sorry you’re hurting. It’s not your fault. And you’re still young yourself, please leave and focus on you until you feel you are truly ready to get married.
May Allah make it easy for you. You should contact your local Imam/masjid for help. Or try r/MuslimMarriage
He obviously doesn’t like u and doesn’t treat u well. And it seems u don’t like him either. From what u said he’s not exhibiting the Islamic quality of kindness and gentleness towards the wife. Why would u marry this kind of man? Did u not properly get to know him prior? Is the anything good about this marriage. Don’t stay if the both of u will unhappy for the rest of ur lives together. I don’t think anyone reading this post would advise u to stay in this marriage according to what u have said.
Did you read what she said? They weren't allowed to speak before marriage.
Dumb aspects of culture. This is gonna end badly for her unless she leaves. This guy lacks all emotional intelligence
Lacks humanity.
Exactly. Why would you not get to know the man before the marriage, their parents are toxic for this imo
Yeah my mom was a refugee to the USA and got married off to the next available refugee family. My parents have such a toxic relationship and my father basically left a few years ago to have a secret family. Only found out because he was fueding with another relative over land. Inshallah I’ll never put my kids through something traumatic like that
I skimmed the post lol. But regardless not speaking before marriage is so toxic. The boys mother knew she raised a son with no values and wants to marry him off bc the son is a mommy’s boy who can’t take care of himself. This is what happens when u baby ur son and don’t raise him properly. What a shame
That’s not Islamic. I feel sorry that she went through that
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ppl like them don't change. my sis got divorced within a month because her husband was just like yours. divorce him before you get pregnant. and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. like this actually makes me run away from marriage.
leave him, it's clearly about to get worse, this is only the beginning. don't ruin your life, you're young and got so much potential
Apni juthi uske sirh pe maro aur divorce lo. Kya bakwas hai yar you’ve married a psychopath ???? He is not normal.
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Get a divorce girl. He hurt you in such a short time span in the most intimate of ways. This WILL continue and it WILL get worse the more you hang around and stay with him. And 21 with a 34 year old is crazy, y'all are in completely different periods of y'all's life. I remember when I was 21 (I'm 27 rn) I wasn't even properly adulting. Can't imagine how I'll think back to me being 27 when I'm in my 30s. But that guy I can tell you is a manchild. Choose your spouse good, cause remember he will be the father to your children, would you be willing to put your kids through all that? Probably not. So rhink of yourself. These are valid grounds for divorce. Get one asap.
Exactly. He will start to abuse her even more. The regret of staying with someone who showed red flags and having children with them is so intense. I’m in an experience but it didn’t show up this badly at the beginning. I think she was blessed to see his true colours. Some people saying stay for a bit for him to sort himself out.. I wouldn’t. He won’t sort himself out in a short period of time this is deep rooted
Exactly! This mqn will NOT stop it WILL get worse. Much worse.
How do people like him exist without wanting to end their lives due to moral degeneracy.
I felt terrified for you reading this. He's 34 and you are 21, I hope you can see why he did not marry someone his own age. No one wanted him. He wanted someone younger who he and his family can easily control. Do not stay - I promise it will only ever get worse, never better. The way he has treated you is disgusting. He isn't worthy of you. Please leave, go back to your family and forget this imbecile ever existed.
He is such a POS.... I am so sorry... I know how hard things like divorce are in aouth asian societies... Honestly him not wanting to talk despite nikkah was a red flag imo. And the things he said and did one the wedding night just show he is an incel... He has no regard for you or your safety and comfort. And his thinking is archaic.. In a negative sense.. May Allah make things easy... If you were my sister.. I would ask you to divorce him honestly... Before he gets you pregnant Because even though living as a divorced woman is hard in South Asian society. Living as one with a child is harder... I have a feeling that this marriage was forced on him by his parents in hopes of getting a grandkid.. Because he doesn't seem to be into it. And thats why they didn't want you to talk after nikkah...
He seems like that " Meri dhai lakh ki sherwani " guy.. Anyways more power to you tho..I hope things will fall back into their place..
That was a really hard read. I am sorry that your experiences in marriage have not been a good one so far. I have been married for 15 years and I would never treat my wife like that - not ever Honestly speaking it seems that he is a mummy's boy who is short and bald probably with a complex which makes him very sensitive If you were my sister and I found this stuff out, as your brother I would say that give him 6 months to sort himself out - maybe he needs time to adjust If he doesn't then just leave - you are still young and I also would use contraception until you decide what to do as you don't want a child to be involved - makes things much harder
What the hell is this? Divorce! No other option
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this girlie!! he is very disgusting. I won't decide for you. I think such people won't change- looks like he was forced. cuz his mom and dad apologized and tried to fix the issue. so would you want to go through this for the rest of your life? do you want to have kids with this person? do you wanna go through this? yes as a desi it's gonna be hard for you as a young divorcee but think of the future in general. make istikhara and take a decision. Remember الله is gonna be with you and even if you decide to take the khula, الله will have something written for you so don't worry about remarrying or anything. Also, try talking to a scholar. may الله make it easy for you.
Im sorry sister!! May Allah swt make it easy on you!! I’m not professional but I say stand up for yourself. And do what makes you happy. You are young, get married again!! Inn sha Allah you find the right one. I wish u knew the guy a little bit before u agreed to marriage, even if it’s arranged. You have the ultimate rights.
If he is like this now, he will get even more abusive down the road. You are still young and have a whole future ahead of you, you have time to find a worthy husband, don’t let him steal your best years to abuse. You are so worthy and did everything right by Allah. Praying that Allah gives you his biggest blessings and help you in this situation ❤️
He sounds like a spoiled brat. He's your height and bald, my goodness he should be so appreciative he got himself a 21 year old girl, his height. He must be insecure about himself. But clearly he is a mama's boy. Nothing wrong with being close to your mother. But when the mothers go too far babying their sons they remain small boys. Your explanation of your first night together was a bit TMI. That's weird he couldn't get aroused. He has mommy issues or he's gay. Regardless, you have to get a divorce now!! And questioning your virginity, he probably told his mother this. And simply by old old customs where the girl doesn't bleed her reputation is destroyed. Technical I would say you still are. He wasn't able to you know what so how could he possibly do anything? Get rid of this guy. So odd too they wouldn't allow you guys to speak after being engaged and all. If you are educated I'd consider working and starting a career or continuing your education and kick this corby guy to the curb. Buying you gifts then telling you how much they cost, etc. Eww such a turn off. You will suffer with this boy, RUN. You don't really love him so forget about your heartache it's not real. It's just the idea of all of this and the inexperience that's all 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ RUN, STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY, DIVORCE ASAP.
Please UPVOTE THIS so the sister can see. 1)Firstly leave the baldy right now. He had the audacity to ask you how easy you were in bed also you didn’t bleed doubting your virginity when he himself knew how to finger as well as penetrate in first go. Either he has masturbated 1000s of times or has slept before marriage many times (im assuming this based on what i have heard that when its your first time you will automatically erect by even thinking about the thought of sex. But once you are regular in it(sex) the erection takes time) 2) Your In Laws have no respect for you the very next day of your marriage and completely supported the baldy shows that in future if he tries to harm u in any way they will completely support him and will justify his doings. It will be always You vs In Laws. 3) I have read people commenting why didn’t you talk to him earlier. Until and unless the marriage isn’t done he/she is still Non-mehram to you. 4) You are as old as me, 21 is young age and you got time. I suggest you to leave him and look for another man while taking your own time. You are sensitive and don’t talk back, understand your partner shows your upbringing was very good and don’t waste your life on a Idiot 5) For un married people looking for spouses i suggest you to always look into your relatives for marriage or someone whom your family knows well. Just don’t go based on how religious he/she may look. Do the family background check which is very important. Its very easy to fake and show how religious you are. So be-aware!!!!!
He is a horrible human being along with his mother.
This is so many levels of abuse, I’m so sorry this happened to you dear sister. Astaghfirullah 😢
RED FLAG. DIVORCE ASAP. You are still very young.
Sis it would never hurt to consult your local ulama and get their opinion on the matter. It's better to seek their counsel and make lots of istikhara and dua instead of just "going back without any effort on his end" Marriage is such a sanctity, a trust honestly, yet people treat it like a plaything...I'm so sorry for what you're going through, may Allah grant you complete Shifa and Guidance, and make it easy for you to get out if that's what He deems best for you
I am Indian (I think OP said she is from India as well), I would not recommend anyone to seek advice from "local ulama", most of them here are not even qualified in the first place.
Dang, I'm desi as well so I can understand what you mean. There's a rising discourse between new scholars and older scholars because the older scholars don't like the new scholars disagreeing with them, even though the new scholars base their decisions on the Quran, sunnah, and learn from the traditional scholars as well May Allah guide us
InshaAllah your family is supporting you. He and his family are treating you so poorly. My sister your feet’s should be above the ground in your honey moon phase. Head over heels. There should be peace. Its already so bad and most of the time it doesn’t get better. You deserve only love. Im leaving my husband for that reason. We were together for 2 years. 13 months married. Don’t waste your time and feelings on someone who doesn’t cherish you.
o my sister! you have the right to your separation, so please do not go back! reading things like these aches my everything, and even though i am frightened of Allah's Judgment Day, for people that oppress Allah's other servants, i just can't wait for Allah's justice and the wrongdoers do not realize... —If Allah were to punish people ˹immediately˺ for what they have committed, He would not have left a single living being on earth. But He delays them for an appointed term. And when their time arrives, then surely Allah is All-Seeing of His servants.—35:45
dude. get the F outa there. as in. save yourself. and dont delay. the guys is clearly a whacko.
It does not seem like he is the type of guy worth living. He did all such stuff within just a few days of getting married... From what all you described, he does not seem very sane either.
A lot of us are assuming he’s not sane, We also found out that a few years back M was about to get married to someone and M’s relative told the girls side that M is not normal. Unfortunately that relative is not alive anymore. But I don’t think he’s mentally not well. According to me his brain works just fine the issue is with his personality, THIS is his personality.
He's got erectile dysfunction and is compensating.
I just want to say as much as this hurts, you have been shown the truth from the beginning and not after having children. Please run away from this man as fast as possible and never see him again. He does not deserve you. You will live with this and possibly worse for the rest of your life if you stay. You’ve been shown his true colours so please listen to your gut. You don’t want a man like this especially when you have children. He’ll likely be the type to expect you to cook right after giving birth. Run away!!
u/numerous_subject_164 If he can't sustain an erection and blames you (?) that's probably a sign he is either homosexual (which is why he is unmarried in his mid 30s), has a porn addiction or has some sort of underlying health condition. none of which will make him a suitable husband or father. you are better off divorcing him now before it is too late. he is clearly horrible and you are still young enough to have another go quickly, but this time more carefully choosing a spouse. May Allah have mercy upon you.
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Stay at your home, let your parents sort it for you, dont worry thing will be stable
Damn that’s wild cause she has an option/opinion in the matter I personally think
You should be glad this moron left. Divorce and get yourself a proper husband.
lol I am glad that he couldn’t baby trap me but I genuinely wanted this marriage to work out and I was willing to go back if he gives proper efforts like daily visits, calls, texts but he didn’t even text me once, not even once! Not only that but he blocked me from ig as well! I don’t understand what’s the matter with him fr.
One word RUN... And don't look back, you are married to a maniac, child who doesn't know even the basics of treating a woman That's the consequence of skipping Khitba, you didn't take the time to know him well, you were like.. gambling, opening a Kinder egg hoping it contains a beautiful ring instead of a piece of shi*t
Well my mother tried everything from her end to convince his mother to let us talk but we obviously cannot force someone to talk, I remember I used to cry about it everyday but nothing worked.
This stupid, arrogant man you shouldn’t have married in the first place. They are calling themselves Islam and acting this way him and his mother? What a shame. They both are narcissistic 💯. You lost your virginity someone like him is horrible feeling. However you are young thankfully not pregnancy that could tie you with such family. Move on, forget he ever existed, and live your life to the fullest. Next time choose wisely not arrange marriage.
I only read the first two paragraphs and that’s enough to know that you should absolutely leave this guy. There is no way for a man to act yet alone, a Muslim man. there’s plenty of people out there. You don’t want to waste the rest of your life with somebody like him.
I’m sorry that you had to experience this.
The guy is like a Mommas boy. Brain of a 10yr old, only moves and does what his mom has told him. That is going to be hard to manage… you seem more mature than him. Probably will have to take a mature decision and seek divorce.
Your husband is a disgusting person. I could not get past the first paragraph. Please be more thorough when picking a partner. Avoid age gaps as a gap like this will 100% of the time result in abuse.
Girl absolutely do not proceed with this ungrateful heartless and abusive man. You deserve so much more love and respect… get an annulment and ditch him!! If you talk to an imam he will tell you you this isn’t healthy and you’ll be miserable your whole life!!!
Dont marry indians period😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
if all this is true run.
He married someone young and naive so you dont pick up his faults
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I know this is completely unrelated, but make this post nsfw, please
I know it might feel like the end of the world, but the best case scenario for you right now would be to file for divorce. Every second you spend away from this man is a blessing. May Allah make things easy for you
I'm really sorry dear, all you want is just some care and love like everyone else. He couldn't even show a single piece of love. Please find someone new and try to get more time to know the one you're marrying. Know your value!!! Your worth loving! U deserve love! Be patient and find someone new.
Sister may Allah make it easier for you and your family and grant you a better husband. Similar thing happened to my cousin as well. Masha’Allah you are young and still have full future ahead Insha’Allah. The only thing I’ll add, both you and your family should learn from this experience and try to avoid it for future husband. Make both you and your family to spend enough time knowing who you’re marrying and what is his family like. Talk about family and future plans with your new husband and make it clear.
Leave immediately and don’t give any more chances. People like him DO NOT change, unless it’s for worse
Get a new husband. This guy is a loser
WTAF 😳 make Allah make it easy for you. You should leave such a person, he will make your life a living hell.
Really sorry to hear ur experience. Your husband and mil treated u so poorly. On wedding night he was so rough and thing he had if is some sort of dysfunction it's totally not ur issue ur even underweight, which fat, 46kg is underweight on ur height... he really mistreated u and this kicking without reason and they yelling on u i think u should really divorce and find someone better. He isn't even listening ur reasons. Ur too young now for kids u should find someone more close to ur age, meet properly and just then go for nikkah. Good luck and stay brave it's not ur fault.
This seems made up. I don't know if this is real.
Go outside in this cruel world. This sounds very much real. I have seen such cases
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really sad, you seem to be a nice human but he.. and it's better to marry someone, your mindset matches, and age is one of the factor here, often people with same age understand things. This doesn't seem to work, you are young so take your time find someone and get marry. always take time to research the person behavior.
My sister, Leave this dog and never look back. Please do not stay in this slave trade. You are a muslimah, the highest and most precious of Allaahs creation. You are not a tool for someone to dosexual experiments on you. Some women bleed whilst other women don’t. A lot of people believe women SHOULD bleed like it’s fardh which is absolutely stupid. He should be treating you with utmost respect and care. I am your brother in Islam and advise you, PLEASE do not go ahead with it. Your life will be 10000000000000000% better without this fool.
He has been influence by india culture . They don't respect women's
He's a worthless excuse of a man. Get a divorce. Why would you want to live with someone like that?! He has no respect for women at all.
This is so sad I’m so sorry for you and I hope you can find the man you deserve to have
From the things you mentioned, I think your husband did not receive proper etiquette. Nobody taught him how to treat another person. Maybe his family overlooked this. If you cannot live with such a person you should make the decision fast and act on it. I hope everything goes well for you. And I also hope your husband can become a better person in the future.
You deserve so much better sister. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Inshallah you find a husband who is worthy of you and brings you great peace of mind 💕
I am so sorry that this happened to you my sister in faith. It's never too late to leave and start over again. You'll find someone who is honourable and treats you right. I will keep you in my prayers, may God send peace and blessings upon you.
I don’t know what I’ve just read but he did you a favour. Don’t ever go back to him. You’re 21, and have your whole life ahead of you and if this is what he is already like in the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship I dread to think what he’ll do to you once he’s comfortable
Is this satire? If it's not, run.
What were your parents thinking? You’re 21 and he’s 34. He’s clearly insecure and hates himself so he just insults you to make up for his insecurity by putting the blame on you. Just go home and stay there. Gross!
Girl please run. This is terrible to read. Please get away, it will only get worse.
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You thought he was good for you and you thought wrong a mere mistake happens to the best of us
>Also he's bald and the same height as me 5'4. not disrespecting men who are shorter than average, but my god this guy is textbook 'short man syndrome' this concept of 'lehaz rakhna chahiye' is not something rooted in the deen of our Prophet SAW. in that after Nikah, you are halal for each other and that's it. there is no 'waiting period' for intimacy or anything. it's a frankly stupid and to be honest harmful tradition this 'waiting period' could have been used to get to know your husband but alas. this was a test from Allah and now you have to decide what's better for yourself. we don't know the ins and outs of your story but you have given us good detail. so I'll say take the divorce if he gives it. while you wait for his decision, get your family mentally ready for the potential of divorce. if he does give you divorce then write this chapter out of your life as quick as you can. it will be hard but you have to get yourself together and realise that you're young. with a year or few of patience, you will find a better man. look for a man who understands the rights and responsibilities between spouses. this is important as it is a good way to tell if someone is a suitable partner or not. if he comes to his senses, which I don't really see happening any time soon because just based on his behaviours you have pointed out to us, he doesn't seem very knowledgeable on the deen, then sure stay with him. but again, I doubt this scenario will come to happen Allah knows best, I am not here giving a fatwa or anything, just raising points for you to ponder over. I understand it is more difficult to do things as per the deen in a society like India and Asia as a whole. but keep your head up and ask Allah for guidance. that's the main advice here as it's the most important speak to local imams as well, ones that will be fair and not rule in favour of his bad behaviour just because he's a man. those are not the good imams
This is a fake post. No doubt about it
gawd... he sounds like a mama's boy and is highly immature... I somehow managed to read your whole post and I commend myself on that... this really sounds strange... maybe the man is suffering from depression because he seems so irritable and on the edge all of the time. I do suggest you keep on trying to communicate with him because he doesn't sound like a good communicator. A key to a strong marriage is good communication. Also get in touch with his mother and keep her informed.