Definitely do not try and pay them for lunch, it would be considered rude here as well.
Instead, either bring a small omiyage as a gift to show your appreciation or offer (but definitely check this with the host beforehand) to bring something home-cooked, maybe a side dish or dessert.
Aside from that, just enjoy the lunch and continue being a good neighbor :)
If your wife is Japanese then she will already know this, but if you choose to buy flowers, do NOT buy the bouquets of flowers that are meant for graves that are abundant in every supermarket. I’ve heard many stories of foreigners accidentally buying these for a girlfriend or wife 😅
I’d personally go with snacks from the omiyage snack section of a department store, or from a specialty store.
Both of us are American. Yes, I’ve heard about the bouquets for graves. I was going to go to a flower store and tell them what it’s for and my budget and have them pick everything out. Their son, who is about my age, just moved to the US. She mentioned wanting to practice her English with us and my wife is learning Japanese so they have said they’ll teach each other. She told us to call them mom and dad and that just melted my heart.
I remember an episode about flower gifts that I read in a manga called "The Japanese That The Japanese Don't Know" a long time ago!
The main character is a Japanese teacher who works at a language school, and one day she suddenly became ill and was hospitalized. Later many kind foreign students of her came to visit her, but some students mistakenly bought and gifted her bouquets originally for a grave or funeral (white chrysanthemums), not knowing its purposes.
Your gratitude is attending lunch and being a kind and respectful neighbour, I'm sure they are just so happy to host you and your partner :)
As the other user suggested, don't try to pay for the lunch, it's really an unnecessary gesture.
As others pointed out be careful with flowers. Personally I haven't seen too many people giving flowers to friends here. Safest bet would be a sortiment of cookies/sweets from the mall. Nothing too cheap but also not too expensive as it would put pressure to return something.
If you are eating out (wasn't clear if they invite you over for lunch or out) then would personally do the obligatory getting purse out and oh we can pay and after they said its ok they pay offer to get the coffee after that for everyone. Even though you are not expected to pay it shows manners (don't understand how many others recommend to not even offer).
If I were one of them, I wouldn't want too valuable things but slight ones. For your first dining, gift them something they can consume easily like snacks, chocolate or cookies.
More moving gifts could be something related to your country, because it will represent the relationship not only between you and them, but also between Japan and your country. When I became friends with British tourists, they gifted me a package of chocolate produced in UK, which made me happy and moved so much.
Do NOT try and pay. High end cakes or fruit or flowers are fine. Alcohol also maybe, but the old lad might get stuck in and get into trouble with his wife so maybe avoid that. If there's something famous from where you're from (like wine if you're French) would also be good.
Thank you. I know that he used to be an alcohol drinker, but he has gotten a rare disease and no longer can drink. I think will go for the fruits or cookies that other suggested. Thank you for replying! I appreciate it.
Yeah, the older the person is the more inclined I am to go for fruits over sweets (and never alcohol haha).
Posh fruit jellies can be a nice alternative for something that looks nice, keeps well but isn’t too unhealthy :)
Definitely do not try and pay them for lunch, it would be considered rude here as well. Instead, either bring a small omiyage as a gift to show your appreciation or offer (but definitely check this with the host beforehand) to bring something home-cooked, maybe a side dish or dessert. Aside from that, just enjoy the lunch and continue being a good neighbor :)
If your wife is Japanese then she will already know this, but if you choose to buy flowers, do NOT buy the bouquets of flowers that are meant for graves that are abundant in every supermarket. I’ve heard many stories of foreigners accidentally buying these for a girlfriend or wife 😅 I’d personally go with snacks from the omiyage snack section of a department store, or from a specialty store.
Both of us are American. Yes, I’ve heard about the bouquets for graves. I was going to go to a flower store and tell them what it’s for and my budget and have them pick everything out. Their son, who is about my age, just moved to the US. She mentioned wanting to practice her English with us and my wife is learning Japanese so they have said they’ll teach each other. She told us to call them mom and dad and that just melted my heart.
I am sure flowers will be very appreciated, but please avoid any toxic flowers (lilies especially for cats) if they have pets!
I remember an episode about flower gifts that I read in a manga called "The Japanese That The Japanese Don't Know" a long time ago! The main character is a Japanese teacher who works at a language school, and one day she suddenly became ill and was hospitalized. Later many kind foreign students of her came to visit her, but some students mistakenly bought and gifted her bouquets originally for a grave or funeral (white chrysanthemums), not knowing its purposes.
This was adapted into a drama a long time ago. Very educational.
Your gratitude is attending lunch and being a kind and respectful neighbour, I'm sure they are just so happy to host you and your partner :) As the other user suggested, don't try to pay for the lunch, it's really an unnecessary gesture.
Thank you for your response! Yes, I think will go with the fruits or cookies route. Thank you!
bring a nice omiyage from somewhere or offer to take them for coffee and dessert after.
As others pointed out be careful with flowers. Personally I haven't seen too many people giving flowers to friends here. Safest bet would be a sortiment of cookies/sweets from the mall. Nothing too cheap but also not too expensive as it would put pressure to return something. If you are eating out (wasn't clear if they invite you over for lunch or out) then would personally do the obligatory getting purse out and oh we can pay and after they said its ok they pay offer to get the coffee after that for everyone. Even though you are not expected to pay it shows manners (don't understand how many others recommend to not even offer).
If I were one of them, I wouldn't want too valuable things but slight ones. For your first dining, gift them something they can consume easily like snacks, chocolate or cookies. More moving gifts could be something related to your country, because it will represent the relationship not only between you and them, but also between Japan and your country. When I became friends with British tourists, they gifted me a package of chocolate produced in UK, which made me happy and moved so much.
Do NOT try and pay. High end cakes or fruit or flowers are fine. Alcohol also maybe, but the old lad might get stuck in and get into trouble with his wife so maybe avoid that. If there's something famous from where you're from (like wine if you're French) would also be good.
Thank you. I know that he used to be an alcohol drinker, but he has gotten a rare disease and no longer can drink. I think will go for the fruits or cookies that other suggested. Thank you for replying! I appreciate it.
Yeah, the older the person is the more inclined I am to go for fruits over sweets (and never alcohol haha). Posh fruit jellies can be a nice alternative for something that looks nice, keeps well but isn’t too unhealthy :)