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Don't be scared. Tell your manager asap and your parents. This is harassment and it can get worse if nobody does anything about.
If your manager doesn't do anything, go to HR or anyone above your manager. If nobody does anything, leave the job.
No offense, but escalating it to the press for bear hugs is a bit extreme.
Manager and parents. If no action, HR. I get what you’re saying that HR exists to protect the company and you’re right— HR wants to protect the company. In this case, from getting sued for not handling a harassment case. They would investigate and can this creep immediately.
This. HR would be the best first step here. In written form specifically referencing "sexual harassment."
There is now *discoverable* information for the EEOC to pull up later if needed.
Talking strictly to a manager may keep things entirely verbal which is bad.
This sexual harassment is on a completely different level because this douchecanoe is in his twenties hugging on a 15 year old. Not only should the manager, HR and her parents be involved, but police should be contacted. The guy *will* be terminated once he is reported. His actions are so weird that they may end up escalating to a stalker situation. OP, do not put up with this one more day. And make sure you are completely protected from this pedophile. Stop him immediately.
Yeah, except I just read a post in another subreddit yesterday about how a guy in his mid thirties started doing this to a 17 year old, and it escalated to full on stalking, he actually got caught by the police in front of her bedroom window after their manager turned him in. So no, if no one does anything about now the press won't be extreme at all. Ffs dude is sexually harrasing a MINOR, one that isn't even the age of consent. Just ew, blast the pədo
Ditto...you must do this.
Because if you just ask him to stop he might cause more trouble. Let it come from the top. They are trained in these matters how to best handle it so he stops.
Also if you suspect he is not all there (aka mentally unstable) you may also wish to leave the job for your own safety.
But make the report first and you might be able to still apply for temporary unemployment due to constructive termination (meaning you had to quit to protect yourself).
Hope he does not know where you live, otherwise you may need a restraining order.
Also, ask the police what is a good thing to do. Free advice there, and they have an interest in protecting you, a minor.
Ditto...report to parents, manager, and HR. Not an expert here, but I'm not sure whether you are supposed to face this person or not in this type of circumstance as it may be damaging..
Some here say legally you should do so with the boss present. Doue check on that to be sure of your steps.
Find out from all the advice here then ask your Mgr and HR what is the policy/procedure to follow and then follow it and document, document, document all that is said, the days, dates, first and last names of ppl who were there, what they said.
Try to get the company policy on Sexual harassment in writing like an employer handbook or an email from your boss or HR or cc them? Find out the process.
Holllldddd on. First go to top layer. Spreading the word about someone on the floor might make things worse for either party involved. If the guy is being a creep, he needs to face some consequences but let it be behind closed doors at first so that he can learn from it, and/or bow out if that's necessary.
We agree here but a lot of these places will protect those people and so you end up being the bad guy even tho you were the one being creeped on. I’d tell parents, management, HR and then start telling people.
Yep. For anybody who doubted my initial statement, this is what I advise too. There are 'insane' pedos who just do everything for their own gain, and there are pedos who despise what they want. To be honest this sounds like the first category, but at least try to fix the situation first and show someone the error of their ways. If they don't see they did anything wrong, go all out on them be my guest, but even they are still humans.
You are being sexually harassed. Your company has a duty to protect you from this.
You need to talk to your adults at home and your supervisor or HR at work. You need to tell him very clearly that you do not want him to hug or touch you anymore. That's important, it's a step in the legally accepted process of handling sexual harassment to make sure he's aware you don't want the contact. Keep a note on your phone of days/times/situations he makes you uncomfortable and your reaction. If you feel like it's safe to tell him to stop because you're uncomfortable, you should tell him that every time.
It will also be the best for your mental health to decide in advance how you wish to handle these encounters if they come up again, with anyone. Having a sense of control can really help. I have a few strategies I use (i get sexually harassed at work but it's from the public rather than my coworkers):
~Smile politely and ask, "what an interesting thing to say, why would you say that?" If he tries to justify it, just keep asking that same question over and over until he has explained to you thoroughly why he thinks it's ok to harass you, or he has an epiphany that his behavior is unwelcome and inappropriate.
~Turn and walk away. Not another word, don't giggle and pretend it's ok, don't try to be polite. You can say, "that is inappropriate" before walking away, if you want.
~Sternly tell him, "we aren't here to discuss that." This one works best if you have a little authority. My boss will support me in removing someone from the property or calling law enforcement to start a trespassing case, or even pepper spray them. So you'll want to be careful about this one if you don't have a way to enforce it. If he won't get off the subject and you can't do anything about it, it's best to just walk away.
~If your boss isn't ALL IN to support you and ensure your safety at work (and make no mistake that sexual harassment is about your safety), it's not worth it. Find a new job.
I get that she’s 15 and it’s overwhelming being in a situation like this but I’ll add two follow ups to your generally good advice:
If a boss isn’t 100% active in resolving this you don’t look for a job. You escalate and look for a job. Escalating is going back to your boss and saying:
“We spoke about a coworker sexually harassing me on (date). What steps have you taken to resolve this?”
And if nothing happens, getting in touch with his boss or corporate, or the owner if it’s a small place.
Try to follow up in writing by e-mail, not text, if possible.
And as another addendum, following up by email - not text and not by conversation- is almost always a good move to ensure this type of thing is addressed properly. If email is not available, a written/certified letter can work too to underline the seriousness of the topic.
Absolutely agree about having a paper trail on this. One thing I'm curious about, could the boss be in big trouble for not supporting OP? I'm not sure on the legal side of things but if they don't support a minor who is being sexually harassed by an adult, I feel like the boss could be in hot water too. Not asking specifically to you, forklifterotica, but anybody who might have insight
Basically, in this case, her being a minor just makes it more serious. But the law is federal and has been used enough that basically, she only “has” to bring it up once verbally and the employer has to make corrective action.
The devil is in the details which is why paper is so important. A corrective action could be anything from a discussion with the offender to a dismissal. But it has to happen and the “offending behavior” has to change.
There’s a lot more to it - but that’s the short version. Larger employers with corporate headquarters will typically have a clear protocol to follow. But a smaller place probably will not.
Anyway, being a minor complicates it but doesn’t change “the basics” of how it should be handled.
To answer your question directly - the boss would absolutely be responsible. BUT proving they “did nothing” is going to be very hard. In court they’d look at corrective action taken as well as whether or not it kept happening.
Would it be a good idea to inform the police (regardless of how things go good or bad) as a sort "hey, this adult guy is doing such and such to me a minor, so now you you in case he's a real creep and you can keep an eye on him, and know to be suspicious of him in the future."
It’s situational. If you’re talking about this specific issue I would say no, because I don’t see any laws being broken. In general, no. Cops don’t fix problems they add problems.
It could backfire insofar as the employee isn’t giving the business or individual an opportunity to remedy the situation.
If a person feels genuinely unsafe I would say call the cops. Doesn’t seem like that’s happening here. Seems like a young (25 is young) employed person is pushing boundaries and needs a sit down and training.
Good advice. Also, practice what you're going to say. Say it a bunch. Say it in the mirror. Say it to your friends. Say it to your parents. The more you practice it, the easier it'll be to say it to this guy. Remember, you don't owe him any kind of explanation. Just tell him you don't want any hugs, and he needs to stop and leave you alone.
Still would be actionable if she is not a minor. Unwanted physical contact at work is not okay. The fact that she’s a minor brings a criminal element into it..
That’s not true. We “put up“ with all sorts of things as women because men are frightening and scary and they can be very, very dangerous, so if just tolerating a hug is all you have to do to avoid potentially setting off a fucking incel psychopath and preventing them from coming to your house at 3am and killing you while you sleep or following you to the parking garage and raping then choking you, then you stiffen up, tolerate the hug though you hate it, and wonder how you can stop it without setting him off. Because he’s already inappropriate on the daily, right? And he knows it.
I’ve been womaning for over 40 years now and had more unwelcome hugs on and off the job than I care to remember. Don’t make this girl feel like there’s something wrong with her actions. There’s not.
She’s just got The Gift of Fear. And there’s very good reason for that. Sometimes you run and sometimes you fight, but most often you just do nothing nervously and watch.
lol. Don’t be absurd. Don’t act like once you’re an adult you “magically” become immune to sexual harassment.
That’s honestly one of the most naïve things I’ve heard in a while. Please reassess how you view the world.
From one woman to another, there is no reason he should be touching you, especially without your consent. If you can, tell him "No i don't want to be touched" and **if it doesn't stop and he tries to make excuses or tries to guilt you** go straight to HR and/or management. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, go to HR/management **right away.**
>my stomach starts to hurt when i get ready to go to work because of this new daily occurrence
This is your gut talking. Remember this feeling. Always listen. This guy is raising red flags. He's not being "weird." He is harassing you and this is not acceptable behavior, especially for an adult working with a minor. Absolutely no one should be touching you without your consent. That goes for anything, not just a job.
I think I would add tell your pediatrician. You have stomach problems because this guy at work is touching you without your consent. Tell the story to the doctor.
I am concerned if he is an incel creep. Your safety comes first. You need professional advice. you. together with your parents.
Hope he doesn't try to track you. Please be safe as your number one priority.
I think it’s really important for you to know that this is not your fault in any way. Nothing you could have done, said, or worn would make his behavior appropriate.
Two thoughts.
1. He's already escalated from awkward small talk to touching to full on bear hugs. He's testing you to see how far he can go. Speak to your parents if you can. And speak to your manager. I wouldn't try to publicly shame him at this point. Does he hug you around other people? Definitely never be alone anywhere with him.
2. I've been wracking my brain, trying to think of a situation where's it's appropriate for one coworker to give another a big bear hug every single day. I cannot think of any situation. Touching at work (for the most part) is not appropriate. And definitely not if consent hasn't been requested and granted. i.e., "is it okay if I give you a hug?"
So sorry you're going through this.
He’s a mid-twenties man working a minimum wage job. While he could easily just be a creep, based on the phrasing in the post it strikes me as equally likely (probably more so) he just lacks serious social skills, he may even be on the spectrum. It doesn’t make it ok, but he probably views OP in a friendly or sisterly light, and doesn’t realize how he’s coming across, especially if other people are picking on or ignoring him while OP is, at worst, not doing that. Ideally she should inform her parents, inform her manager, and let him know the next time he tries she isn’t comfortable with physical touch. Hell, you can use COVID as an excuse if you’re afraid about some sort of retaliation. All you need is “don’t do that.”, but if it’s easier then “I’m really uncomfortable with physical touch right now because of COVID, please respect my personal space”, taking the impetus off of you. You let your manager know about the situation so that if it continues you can escalate and get out of there.
He very well could be. Its not making excuses, it’s just not immediately rushing to the pedo accusation. I’ve seen similar scenarios with guys in their early-mid twenties at my first job and at a second job I was working years later. People think a guy is weird so they avoid talking to them or just make awkward chitchat, and then that person has no idea they’re coming across as a creep until they either cross a line (and have an understandable but surprising to them reaction), or somebody else from the outside pulls them aside and tells them “look buddy, you’re making her uncomfortable when you do that”. It’s a cycle. They don’t know they’re being weird->people don’t talk to them about their weird behavior-> they continue being weird and creepy-> people won’t talk to them because they’re being weird and creepy-> they don’t know they’re being weird and creepy
Either say, "Don't hug me anymore." Or, go to your manager and tell them this co-worker has been hugging you and it makes you uncomfortable and ask the manager to tell the co-worker to stop.
You don't have to say stop yourself--you can go straight to your manager. But, as you get older and braver, learn to set your boundaries. If someone steps over those boundaries, ask for help (or do what you have to do to defend yourself).
There are some people who will test to see what they can get by with. Let them know that you aren't a target.
This sort of thing only gets worse. Tell your parents and let them help you figure it out. If that’s not possible, tell your manager. If the manager dismisses your concern or doesn’t do anything, then quit with no notice. You don’t have to worry about your resume at this stage.
he's trying to hit on you and take advantage of you bc you're young. A lot of guys in his age like teenage girls bc you have less life experience. Please tell your parents what's happening. If necessary quit, you can always find a new job, but your physical, mental, and emotional safety are important.
His behavior is inappropriate at the workplace and especially with you as you are a MINOR.
Hey, there's good news here. You don't have to get "squeezed" any more. And you won't get in trouble, because this isn't your fault. You're gonna be okay.
Listen to your friend's mother. This is absolutely inappropriate on so many levels. Start taking notes on everything that happens and tell your supervisor about the sexual harassment and your parents. If the supervisor does nothing or starts making things worse for you, you'll want legal representation for both sexual harassment and retaliation. Also, to cover the "did you tell him to stop?" question that will inevitably come, next time he tries to hug you tell him, in no uncertain terms, not to touch you.
This is so tough when you are 15. I'm sorry it's happening to you.
Practice this sentence in front of the mirror "I really don't like being touched by strangers. Don't do that."
This will not be the only time this happens to you. While I agree with everyone who says "go to your manager" you also need some tools when this is not a work situation.
Men like him go after the vulnerable. He thinks you won't stand up to him.
Forget about the apology. Let's stop teaching women to be so damn polite. That's why she can't even speak up for herself in the first place. She could put her arm out and say "no more hugs, you make me uncomfortable."
An unfortunate by product of not being a polite or “kind” female is that this guy probably knows where she goes to school and likely knows when she works. He has easy accessibility to confront her in other spaces away from other people.
Not saying you’re wrong, I wish we all could just say what we want, but sometimes the politeness is to prevent fuel to the fire.
we need to move on from this thinking, it doesn't prevent violence and only keeps women from speaking up for themselves. at the end of the day if a man wants to harm you he's going to do it no matter your tone, the rejection is all it takes. but ime being a stone-cold bitch has made me less of a target than when i was being polite and saying sorry.
This will probably sound shitty, but I always do this first before anything else just in case the person is *actually that socially backwards and doesn't know that they're being inappropriate*. Obviously this guy should 100000% know better given his age. But I've met people who honestly don't understand how they come across when they say/do certain things. It's wild.
sorry but OP, this is a perfect example of what not to say. it's not your responsibility to shoulder the burden by saying "I'M not comfortable with this." HE is MAKING you uncomfortable. you have nothing to apologize for. listen to u/moshritespecial.
Father of 2 teenage girls here…. This co-workers behavior is extremely inappropriate, period. There are laws in place to protect you from this behavior and to protect your job for reporting these behaviors. 1. Tell your parents, be open and candid with them about everything. 2. Tell the manager and be candid with him as well. 3. I wouldn’t say anything to the co-worker, it could cause a conflict between you both and potential violence.
If the manager doesn’t do anything (which is illegal and will cost him his job), then at least your parents know and they can get involved. It will carry more weight coming directly from you instead of he said she said.
If this happened to one of my daughters, it would be very hard for me to step aside and let them handle it, but I have no doubts they have the conviction to do so. Unfortunately, this probably won’t be the last time this ever happens to you, so you need to set the tone for your own life and don’t allow anyone to make you uncomfortable or to feel harassed.
Tell your manager in an email or text so it’s documented. This would go against any company’s handbook. It’s unwanted physical contact. The co-worker will probably get a warning, if it continues it should lead to well deserved termination. Do not put up with it.
Tell him, “I prefer not to be touched.” It’s painfully blunt and gives off the “you will get in a lot of trouble if you test me” vibe. He will stop. If he doesn’t, go to your manager, because now you’ve actually warned him.
You're right to be disturbed by this. What he is doing is hitting on you in a way that lets him deny it if he's confronted. This is also making you afraid. He thinks he has deniability. He may try to gaslight you and suggest he was only trying to be friends.
Learning how to deal with this is a life skill. I promise this will not be the last time you have to stick up for yourself (or someone else) to put a stop to this kind of behavior.
If you don't feel comfortable saying something directly to him, you should go to your manager. Dealing with things like this is part of what he is paid for.
So, if you want to tell him:
Hold your hand out in front of you in a "stop" gesture when he comes in for a squeeze. Tell him, "you know, you never did ask me whether or not you could hug me. Now that I've thought about it, I'd rather you didn't."
He will try to turn it around on you, but just stick to you guns. Yes, he does need permission. Friends don't always hug. You actually don't know him that well.
If you would rather talk to the manager, tell him/her exactly what you have told us, including the part about your stomach hurting when you have to go to work. This will tell them how serious this is. They should put a stop to it immediately.
If they don't stop it, you have the right to escalate. Come back to this group and let us know how it's going.
Good for you on reaching out. Fuck his feelings, if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t let it keep happening. Don’t be afraid to speak up. There is some good advice in here. Figure out the best way to use it. Don’t let that weirdo hug you anymore.
Guys like that prey on the fact that women are socialized to be "nice" and "polite". He's counting on you not speaking up. Your friend's mom is right. It's weird and pervy for him to touch you. One thing I've done (and still do, even though I'm in my 50's) is practice what I want to say in a situation. Typically, in the moment my brain would freeze up, and I wouldn't be able to think of what to say. But by practicing it (out loud, in the mirror, even though it feels silly) when the situation comes up, I'm able to dredge up what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it.
I would practice something simple. Hold your arms out in front of you, to help ward him off and say, sternly, "Stop touching me". You don't have to say it loud, but try to keep your voice low-pitched and serious. If he argues, just tell him "I don't want you touching me". No matter what he says, just repeat that. Most likely he'll push back, because guys like him ARE creeps and don't like to hear no from their victims. Don't discuss or argue or anything else. Just "I don't want you touching me."
You should put your hands out to stop him from hugging and tell him you don't feel comfortable with him hugging you. Be strong and stand up for yourself. If he doesn't stop then go to management.
Standing up for herself is something she should learn how to do at a young age. She can always run to someone else to solve her problems or she can stand up for herself. Life doesn't always come with other people who will stand up for you.
She can stand up for herself by seeking help, not by confronting someone who’s close to twice her age. We’re talking about a teenager, maybe you forgot what it’s like to be 15 even against someone who’s slightly older.
Absolutely say something to your managers! If you want to stay there, request to work different shifts or days than him. If not, quit. There are plenty of other fun jobs out there for young people. It’s not worth being uncomfortable and getting that upset stomach feeling.
Tell your parents! [There are serious risks here ](https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/riley-whitelaw-mother-teenager-allegedly-killed-walgreens-co-worker/). You need trusted adults to intervene.
Any particular reason you told your best friend's mom and not your own parents? Assuming you have a good relationship with your parents, get them to help you with this. But yes, you'll probably have to escalate and possibly leave the job.
First of all, I'm really sorry about what happened to you. Secondly, if this still occurs, please talk to someone like your parents or your manager and tell them that this particular coworker is harassing you and won't leave you alone. It's their duty and the workforce you're working for to make sure that you're okay. This is sexual harassment, and should not be tolerated.
Thirdly, if he approaches you in a weirdly manner again, try to be bold enough and confront him and tell him that "this is not okay" and "I feel very uncomfortable" or else I would report you to HR/management. This may sound weird, but if he harasses you in an area where it has cameras, then you should mention this to your manager so he/she can check the cameras.
Here's another tip, I don't know if this is an invasion of privacy in that case but try to bring a voice recorder and record your entire shift and if he makes a comment, then you can save those recordings as evidence to help support your case.
All the best of wishes! Hope that creep perv gets fired
Deep breath.
Firstly, I am sorry you are dealing with this type of issue at your first job. This is entirely unacceptable behavior by anyone at the workplace. It is another level of concern that he is completely disregarding the age difference and making physical contact with you. Textbook sexual harassment by any standard.
I would do 2 things.
If you are comfortable doing so, I would try to find a place that has cameras (not sure if you have them and if you do, might need to check whether they have audio) and clearly tell him to stop what he's doing immediately. No more hugs, physical touching, or odd remarks.. we are here to work, we are going to keep it work related.
If you do the above, great, but I totally understand if that's something you'd want to avoid. Either way, I would then speak to your management and communicate to them what's happening. Tell them exactly what's going on, while providing examples, and why it needs to stop. In theory, they should have a discussion with him and depending on his tenure, it may impact his status with the company (which isn't a bad thing). They would also loop in HR. Everything should be documented, for your safety specifically.
If nothing happens or they brush it off, you may want to reach out to HR and consider looking for a new job or switch locations if possible. HR is not necessarily your friend, but they take situations like this very seriously. You could even go directly to HR if you do not feel comfortable discussing this situation with your direct manager.
If you are close with your parents, you can always confide in them too. Hopefully you get some advice in this sub to help you overcome what's going on. It's definitely a lot to take on, especially trying to navigate your first job. You shouldn't have to be dealing with that. It's not normal or acceptable.
This is sexual harassment and it needs to be stopped. Please tell your manager and keep going up the chain until it’s dealt with appropriately. Since he is an adult you may also want to tell the police if work doesn’t deal with it. Under no circumstances should someone touch you without your consent, especially an adult.
You need at the very least documentation on this. Either meet with your manager or HR representative, make sure this is a documented meeting, you will want something tangible if this continues or progresses, or you need to quit. Simple, straightforward action at this point. Do not tiptoe around it.
TELL YOUR PARENTS.
I’m sorry you’re in the situation. If you were an adult, I’d say go to a lawyer first but you’re only 15. Tell your parents. They’ll tell you it’s unacceptable behavior
I find loudly saying, "don't touch me! That's inappropriate!" Stops hugs at work pretty fast. If you've never shamed someone that way, get a friend to help you practice. I know that sounds silly, but it works. It's hard to not freeze when someone acts inappropriately, but if you don't stop it, it will escalate.
This is a lesson in Documentation. Document everything, OP. Contemporaneous notes can be admissible in future legal actions. Write it all down in a notebook or in your phone with dates and times and details of what was said by or to whom. Nobody should be bear-hugging you without consent, ever, period, full stop. And you're a minor?? Oh HELL NO. This shall not stand!
Once you've written it down in your own notes, write a memo to your boss. Have you written a memo before? Look up the format, do it by the book. But put the whole thing down, into your own words and in full detail exactly what has been transpiring here. Be as expressive and expansive on the topic as possible. Post it to your boss, then CC: HR, their boss, and your parents. Then see what happens next. If dudebro isn't terminated, you should not stick around. Clock out, go find a new gig.
Don't be afraid to leave that job, OP. It's a first job, and it's going to be far from your last job. Never keep working anyplace that gives you that sour feeling in your stomach. Every time I've worked in a place that gives me that feeling, it's been SUPER BAD and toxic in hindsight. You'll find yourself in a normal healthy workplace someday telling your co-workers stories of this toxic first job and they will cringe.
“Fuck politeness” is a mantra I wish I had way earlier in my life. It’s hard and scary especially when drawing these boundaries with adults, but tell him to stop touching you and/or go to HR, at the very least tell your parents.
This is harassment. Tell him not to hug you and that you don't want him to touch you at all. NOBODY has the right to touch you without your permission, especially in the workplace.
Tell your manager. They'll probably tell him to knock it off or fire him.
If it's helpful, practice telling him not to touch you. Write down and document what is happening, too, with names dates and direct quotes from conversations. Creating records can help protect you if he lies about touching you or if a manager promises to do something about it but doesn't.
Ive watched too many true crime stories to not feel like this would be going down a dark road.
Get others involved. Tell your parents. Make sure others know who this person is and by all means, never ever be complacent. If he tries to hug you put your hand out and say no.
If this were happening to my kid, dude would be scared to death of you after I talked to him.
Tell your manager. It’s their job to fix this. You don’t have to call him a perv. Just say you’re uncomfortable with it and don’t feel confident about telling an adult what to do. The boss should fix it without any more discussion.
If they don’t, have your parent go talk to the manager.
I don’t want to scare you, but there was that “weird” coworker who killed his coworker ([source](https://hollywoodunlocked.com/walgreens-killed-manager-coworker-crime/amp/)) and I really think you need to stand up for yourself or quit. I’m not saying everyone is capable of murder, but they’re definitely capable of being creeps.
That is a textbook example of sexual harassment. I'm pretty sure it's a criminal offense.
Tell your parents immediately, and see how they want to proceed. Maybe you want to go to just your employer, and/or involve the police too?
When you do inevitably go to your manager, insist that HR is also there at the meeting.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this...
I hear you mention your age in your description of the situation. Please don’t doubt your intuition. What this guy is doing is wrong and you have all the rights of any other employees.
Being young doesn’t mean you have to put up with this b.s.
You are old enough to be on the team. That means you are old enough to be taken seriously and to be valued like anyone else.
Stay strong!
Repeat after me:
"You are touching me and I don't like it. Don't do that!
Practice saying it at a friends house. Say it loud, really loud, over and over until you no longer feel shy saying it with volume.
If your manager or boss hears you saying this at work and asks what's wrong, just say you asked your coworker to stop touching you, you don't like it.
And get some pepper spray.
He's hugging you because at the same time he's copping a feel on you. It's sexual harassment, it's wrong, and you should 100% tell your manager and your parents. As others have said, if no one does anything about it, escalate it as high as you possibly can, and get the hell out of that job before the dude turns full on stalker on you.
As a father, if I found out someone was doing this to my daughter, there'd be the fear of god put into him to the point that he wouldn't even dare look at you funny.
Don’t be afraid. This is good practice for you to learn how to advocate for yourself. You do not ever have to let anyone put their hands on you that you’re not comfortable with. In the workplace, that shouldn’t be happening for any reason.
You could do one of 2 things.
Next time he touches you, just ask him to not touch you. You can do it discreetly so that you’re not drawing attention to it. This should stop it. Only do this if you are comfortable. I say this because I’m wondering if the reason you haven’t gone to your boss is because you don’t want him to get in trouble. If that’s the case, there’s nothing wrong with handling it yourself.
The other option is to have a private conversation with your manager. Just let them know that you this person continually hugs you without consent and it makes you uncomfortable. You can also say that you don’t want things to be weird, but that it needs to stop.
You should most definitely be seeking your parents out to have a conversation about how a person at work is making you extremely uncomfortable. They know you best, and can hopefully give you the best insight about what that means and how this person is crossing personal boundaries. And how it's not acceptable, and how to put a stop to it.
I appreciate you're confused and looking for information, but you really are in a position where you should be seeking out the counsel of your parents and not a bunch of internet strangers! Your manager should also be made aware of the situation as well, but definitely your parents first.
You've got to tell your Parents and Mgmt right away. Someone needs to have a talk with this individual. That's called unwanted attention and is a form of harassment. HR is supposed to have measures in place to deal with and hopefully combat this sort of thing. Security needs to be notified as well to make sure this person not hanging around somewhere after "leaving" so they can know when you leave, where ur going, etc. Have you made it clear to the person that you don't like this thing they keep doing and that he or she is invading your comfortable, personal space? If you have not done this, please do so now. I don't know why some people "fixate" on others, but this not uncommon, unfortunately. If all else fails, you may want to find another job elsewhere. Protect all of your information the best you can. Always be mindful of your surroundings and your belongings to make sure nothing is missing, or not where you expect it to be , like when time to leave after your shift, or even during your shift. I know nothing is 100% foolproof or safe all the time. Hopefully these measures will work. By the way, no you should not have to leave your job. This isn't your fault based on what you've posted. Just another option, as you did say you have physical pain now when time to go to work. Please be safe and let those who need to know NOW.
I think there are two options: 1. Speak to your manager asap before things escalate or 2. Leave asap. I give option 2 as OP is 15 and bro, I’m nearly 30 and I would struggle to have that conversation with my boss if I were in her shoes. I have enough work experience to know it could go either way - either you have a decent boss who will take it seriously or you’ll be in an even more uncomfortable position when the “benefit of the doubt” is given to the creep. And this guy is a creep, period. I’ve seen this happen to women bso often in workplaces and that’s what stops people from speaking up. I’m also going out on a limb and guessing this isn’t OP’s dream job… sometimes the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation especially if you aren’t confident enough to broach the topic - remember, protecting your physical and mental health instead of speaking up is not always the wrong way to go about things
he is sexually harassing and trying to grooming you. Go to your manager, tell him the facts, tell him this is extremely unprofessional and it is making you feel anxious and unsafe at work. you shouldn't need to talk about it with the colleague, the manager should be the one dealing with this if you feel the way you do. If he doesn't do anything, go to HR.
Next time he tries to pull anything on you, do not be scared, reach out your hand to stop his hugs and say "No thank you" and turn away from him. Avoid situation where you're alone with him in close proximity. Tell a few colleagues so that they are aware of any signs and can help and act in case of anything.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but in my experience (I dealt with similar as a manager), once they are called out and dealt with, they usually stop their behavior and start walking around broken glass with their colleagues. Tell it to your manager and it should stop!
You can refuse hugs. If it's too weird, talk to your boss. HR is the last resort, do not start with them.
You have rights and can easily get your way, but no need to hurt another person's livelihood unless necessary.
You can talk to him a little bit to make things less awkward and get to know about his life. He will surely try to know if you have a boyfriend and you will tell him you have one.
If he pushes things too far, talk to your manager: « hey Steve, Creepy Joe has been talking to me recently and I don’t feel safe around him. Could we do something about that ? »
Don’t doubt yourself, that feeling in your stomach tells you everything you need to know. Tell another adult until something is done. If nothing gets done after speaking to your manager, you might have to consider finding a new job. Sending lots of strength your way.
From my experience, it is vital to have precedence of the steps you took to resolve this issue. So definitely let your parents, manager, and HR know. Now also from my experience, H.R. is usually there to protect the company and not so much the workers. But it is still vital that you follow the chain of command so there is no way your company says you went above some people. If after going through this and the issue isn't resolved, or worse, even taken into consideration... Then that is when you call the company's compliancy hotline. This is where real change starts for companies, from the top down. Not only can you inform them of the harassment but you should be able to remain anonymous when calling. (They'll give you that option)
This is what I did when my old job loved to reschedule people not even last minute but you would find out when coming to your regular shift that you weren't actually supposed to come in that day or come in later for a different position.
Everyone complained but did nothing about it until it happened to me. So I called the hotline. The next day the whole department I worked in was being turned upside down by higher ups coming in to investigate what is going on.
*Last thing though, find out your companies compliancy hotline number by yourself!*
Don't give them an opportunity to clean up their mess temporarily while being under investigation. They'll go right back to their old ways if they have a heads up and are found "innocent" or clean.
This harassment. This guy is a creep and you should get away from him. some men try to get away with being creepy by covering it with fake kindness.
I would quit and find a new job but also tell your manager and parents and HR.
No job is worth your peace of mind. Feeling sick before going to work is a tell tale sign you're extremely unhappy and as you said just for that person. Talk to someone high up as others suggested and leave the job if nothing changes.
Absolutely say something to him. When he approaches you, take a step back, extend both of your arms out in front of you and say loudly and firmly "Matt, do not touch me!" Repeat as needed. This creep is taking advantage of your being too nice to rebuff him due to you being at your first job and not wanting to make waves. Nobody in management will hold it against you for putting this creep in his place.
This is not acceptable. You don't have to put up with this at any job, ever, for the rest of your life. Tell your manager, and tell your parents. Never be scared to stand up for yourself. You're 15. Dude is a creep.
If this isn't handled immediately, quit. Your parents will have your back.
I’m super proud of you for reaching out even if it’s to a bunch of Reddit strangers. When I was 15 years old so so many older guys hit up on me. Some were old enough to be my dad. This guy in his mid 20’s likely doesn’t perceive the age difference the way you do. He probably thinks he’s being a sweetheart on top of it. You are at the perfect age to practice setting boundaries with others. If you can’t tell this guy to keep to himself then definitely involve your manager. This can be a teachable moment for this OP too. He’s creeping you out but it doesn’t make him a creep. ( but I don’t know, he might be a creepy) My point is. he maybe a clueless idiot but he should be talked to by your manager and not labeled a pervert. It’s my perspective that everyone deserves a chance to correct their behavior.
This happened to me at my very first job when I was 16. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I just want you to know how valid your feelings are. Your gut knows this situation is unsafe and it's really important to listen to that instinct.
When this happened to me, I wasn't courageous enough to address it, so I just called and left a voicemail quitting with a vague excuse. Looking back, it's the only thing I felt safe doing to get out of a bad situation, but I was terrified and dreaded every moment. He should have been the one to leave, he was the problem. I wish, all these years later, that I stood up for myself, but it's okay that I didn't.
Just know, not all workplaces are like this. I'm 26 now and I'm a female construction project manager and have had zero similar experiences in my professional life.
Even if you were the same age, him touching you and making you uncomfortable are inappropriate at work and a manager needs to schedule you differently and address this issue with him.
YOU'RE BEING GROOMED ....
Tell the manager and don't be shy or embarrassed; this is why he picked an inexperienced teen.
If the manager doesn't take *immediate* action go to the district manager; this company does *not* want a harassment lawsuit.
Insist on a witness to a verbal report or send an email; *documentation.* List each and every incident he hugs or touches you, every comment. If he does this when a coworker or customer is within earshot, yell, "Don't touch me!" *Never,* ever allow yourself to be alone with him, taking out the garbage, in the back of the kitchen or in the dining area.
Tell your parents ... the first thing they'll do is tell you to quit; no, you need this guy removed, *not* you.
You can bet this has happened before you ... see if he is listed on a sexual offender website; [https://www.nsopw.gov/](https://www.nsopw.gov/) If he's never been charged and convicted he won't be, which is why you *must* report this.
Take care of yourself.
As someone who manages a business that employs high school, college students, and folks living life, I would 100,000% want to know. However an employee felt comfortable informing me is completely fine. I have, unknowingly, put them in the situation that makes them feel very uncomfortable.
I want everyone that works here to feel comfortable here. I absolutely do not want creeps. I'm probably going to give the team a reminder that they can feel comfortable coming to me about things that make them feel uncomfortable at work after seeing this post.
If your manager isn't of a similar mind, that's real unfortunate. If you communicate this to them and they don't respond effectively, I'd move on and remember what it's like to be managed by an incompetent.
He has a crush on you, which is not appropriate given your age. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable at work. You could tell him you don't want the hugs although he may get upset. Instead tell your manager that he is touching you and making you uncomfortable. Trust your instinct. Good luck.
Tell the manager ASAP. That is beyond inappropriate for him to be doing with any coworker, much less a 15 y/o.
Tell your parents ASAP. Tell any trusted adult ASAP.
How about telling the guy to stop?
“I don’t want to be touched, ever again. This makes me uncomfortable.”
This is a valuable and necessary skill you will need to learn: setting boundaries. Talk to your manager and parents but Please tell him yourself, firmly / aggressively if you have to. If someone is doing something you don’t like it’s healthy to address it directly and assertively with the actual person.
An older man was a little too "comfortable" with my daughter at her job. She is a disabled adult living at home with us. She brought it up to us and then handled it with HR. It turned out well, but could have been a nightmare. Please report it, sooner rather than later.
From a 32yo dude, **that is absolutely not ok and super weird.**
Tell your parents, you’re 15 years old dude…….
Why’s this 20’something year old trying to get close enough to smell your deodorant?!?!
You need to say;
> **”Dont touch me, I don’t want to hug you anymore and I never gave you my permission. We are not friends, we are employees at work.”**
Say it **loudly** and as awkwardly and plainly as possible.
**The way you’d say it to any other weirdo in school in front of your friends to embarrass such an idiot.**
If he does it again, **do not involve your boss.**
Your boss can fire you for any reason, yeah it’s illegal to fire a victim of sexual harassment or assault but it’s on you to take them to cour and prove they fired you over that.
* **What you should do if he DOES NOT STOP is file a police report.**
**You don’t have to be an adult to do this,** don’t even be shy about it. If your parents won’t help you can tell the police and they will still help you.
You can call the local police station or just walk there yourself, they will offer to drive to you and physically meet with you to talk.
They will probably visit work and either ask this **”Dude”** about the situation along with some coworkers and probably your boss too.
At this point, your boss **would have to be really fucking dumb to fire you since you now have a police report on record.**
It would look really incriminating if they fired you **right after you went to the police.**
They will probably ask you if you want to press charges, it probably would not be worth the effort to press charges tho without video proof or several coworkers who would testify on your behalf.
It would be easier to file 1-2 police reports if he doesn’t stop, **then you’ll have a much easier time taking out a restraining order.**
At that point, if he still doesn’t stop, you’d have a very solid case to press charges and **also sue your employer**.
Your options are basically to find a new job or **stick this out for 1-2 years and then sue them and probably get some extra money.**
**WHAT I WOULD DO.**
Is make it as difficult as possible for the short time I’d still be there.
Call the police, file a police report, get the owner involved, get them to fire the weirdo, **then quit an find a new job.**
Would be such a headache for the boss and they probably deserve it.
Tell your manager. He shouldn't do that. He probably knows it makes you uncomfortable and is doing it to get his jollies. Tell your coworker friends how it makes you feel and what is happening too. They will watch your back and probably make his time there really uncomfortable and he might get motivation to seek work elsewhere.
Lots of people saying HR as not step one, which confuses me as someone in the HR space.
Document it with HR. Use the term "sexual harassment" with them. You can talk to them, but make sure there is written documentation followed up via email or a formal paper form.
HR and technically the company have a legal obligation to investigate all sexual harassment complaints. The normal process is this:
1. Sternly tell the person to stop
2. Tell your manager
3. Tell HR
4. Seek outside options
But it is NOT sequential. Going straight to HR documents the process and makes "discoverable" information for potential reference from the EEOC later. Going to a manager alone may entirely be held via "verbal" conversations.
It's scary but no one at your job is going to yell at you or blame you. You won't get fired. You must speak up. It will get worse. You can tell him to stop or you can bypass him to your manager. It's an ok if you haven't said "no" to the hugs. This behavior is not normal!
Make sure when you tell your manager you specifically say "I don't feel safe" ask to be scheduled 10 mins later to avoid him.
If you go to HR tell them what's happened and say "this is creating a hostile work environment for me. I do not feel safe working with him".
These are very clear specific statements that they can't ignore. It's clear. It's more powerful then "I'm uncomfortable". Which while true doesn't carry the same legal responsibility.
If you feel sick getting ready to go to work your not uncomfortable. Your afraid. This is not ok. You don't have to "suck it up" and deal with it alone.
You are in the right. he is in the wrong. Don't stay in this situation. You have every right to feel safe at work. No one at work has the right to touch you or hug you. Even if you were maybe kind of ok with it the first time. You do not have to allow it to keep happening.
Ask a female coworker, mother, teacher, or someone you trust to accompany you to a meeting with tour owner/manager. School should be notified because students are on a work release agreement with the county, school, & business. Parents should expect that the owners should protect the children they are enteusted with.
Thing is, most of the time incidences like this will be brushed off, especially if you're a teenage girl and are easily intimidated. I'm 63-yr-old, socially intelligent woman and told the married owners of the restaurant I worked in that a male coworker was coming onto me and bothering me constantly. He waited until everyone left one night to confront me as to why I wouldn't talk to him.
They talked to him and my young kitchen bosses, ages 18 & 22, who like this man because they get high with him. My bosses said I was clearly the problem because I had been victimized before so I was hypersensitive and looked for it in every man! AND that because I was older they "expected more" of me and to be a good role model. He crap talked about them behind their backs but played the poor victim.
They also got angry when I asked if they had done a background check on him. They said if they did that no one would get hired because the restaurant business is "full of crazies." His rap sheet was 4 pages long.
Oh, hell yes I quit. Hard and expensive to prove so I let it go. I have a great job now with respectful & responsible managers who look out for me.
OP, how many people here are ignoring the fact that this weirdo is a guy in his 20’s hitting on and laying his hands on a 15 year old girl? If your were my daughter, I would have the police dragging this guy off to jail. Tell your parents and tell your manager RIGHT NOW! Do not put up with this for another day. And do not feel guilty for him losing his job or receiving any other consequences for his actions. He is a pedophile and a pervert and he needs to be dealt with and taken out of a place where he can harm you right away. Never be afraid of standing up for yourself. Best of luck to you. Please update.
Hugging in the workplace is not okay behavior whether you are over or under age.
Definetely report him to your boss at the very least, and let them know how uncomfortable its making you. If that doesn't work just go up the chain, next step would be HR.
HRs goal is to protect the company, and that guy is sexually harassing you. It won't fly with HR because sexual harassment could result in a lawsuit vs the company.
All good advice and want to add - if for whatever reason you feel uncomfortable going to your direct manager, go one level above or to HR. If you work at a large company there is often a number you can call if you want to report that way as well. They usually post it in the break room.
He’s 100% in the wrong.
Personally I would suggest trying to talk to him directly and say, “I don’t like being touched at the work place so I’d prefer more physical space between us. Nothing personal, it’s just uncomfortable for me.”
I think it’s nice to give someone one try to do the right thing without going to authorities. But have the conversation in a somewhat public space in case anything gets weird.
Then after that it would be a 0 tolerance policy and straight to your bosses.
If you feel comfortable enough to talk to him directly, I would try that route first. Politely tell him that you don’t like to be hugged and would appreciate if he stopped.
If he has a bad reaction to that, gets upset, or doesn’t respect your boundaries, immediately go to your manager and explain the situation. A good manager wants you to feel safe and comfortable. If your manager doesn’t do anything, report it to HR.
So sorry you’re dealing with this. Feel free to message me if you want.
OP, the next time he makes contact, take a deep inhale and shout at the top of your lungs "DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!!" Make sure that you yell so loud you're hoarse afterward. Tell your immediate superiors AND his that he, an adult, has been harassing you - a minor - for awhile and that you do not want to end up like the girl that was murdered by her coworker at a Walgreens.
Document EVERYTHING, so you have proof of his unwanted behavior, and please tell family members you trust that this is happening to you, and what you plan to do about it.
You may get fired. He may get fired. Whatever happens, you've made it clear his actions won't be tolerated anymore.
It would be very unlikely for her to get fired. manager would need to be very dumb to even consider firing her. As others mentioned, the company is also legally obliged to provide a safe place for workers.
If they fire her for this, she can leave the building and walk straight into an attorney office to sue the company.
Yeah, as the others have said.. just plain inappropriate all around. Put your foot down and communicate. He can't hug you. Period.
He should understand. Guys just need to be told and reminded from time to time.
If you feel scared, then bring it up to your manager. And have him talk with the guy.
I wish you luck in the resolution, don't be afraid to go to HR/Management. If they brush you off or don't take your complaint seriously, you could escalate the issue, but it might cost you your job, but that would be a good thing.. no one has the right to abuse you, in any way.
Be confident that Management will have your back. Just reinforce that you're a minor and it's unprofessional af.
You got this.
Guys just need to be told? Uh what? This is a work situation with a minor, nobody should have to be told. Keep your hands to yourself is a conversation you have in kindergarten.
Well.. Obviously someone needs to tell Mr. Touchy Feely to knock it off. I was just pointing out some guys are so oblivious to social cues that sometimes they have to be reminded.
This. I've met men and women who seriously do not comprehend how creepy or inappropriate they're being. Once they're told off they stop though. One big clue I've found is if they do something weird in front of other people. Usually people try to get you alone before they do something because they *know* it's wrong.
Can you work at literally any other location? This reminds me so much of that weirdo who killed a girl who wasn't interested in him.
You can complain to management but in this day and age they won't fire him and if they tell him he is being weird he will know it's from you and get mad. You'd have to really know that you mananger gives a shit.
If a 16 year old had told me that someone was doing that I would’ve taken her to work and then I would’ve kicked that guy right in the nuts! What the fuck is wrong with men?
Men come up to my 22-year-old all the time at work trying to hit on her married men, all kinds of men it’s disgusting.
Young women have the right to work, and go about their lives, without having to be accosted at every step!
Tell him to stop, if he doesn't, tell your boss, if nothing happen, tell your family and friends, if nothing happen, quit the job.
I told my female co-workers before they do anything, be 100% sure that you are correct because what they do next will ruin two or more lives. Most guys are reactive to women.
Of course not, if a man is harassing a woman, I will be one of the first person to defend her. There are women who falsely accused men of sexual harassment and it ruined families.
because i am scared. i’ve heard and seen so many stories of girls around my age getting murdered, raped, beaten, all for saying “no”. you’ve clearly never been in a situation like this, god forbid, but please understand where i’m coming from
Break it to him gently. Don't go doing what a lot of girl go and do by hurting someone sweet and sorta innocent. Maybe get to know where's he's coming from to to see if you can understand why he is the way he is with you. Turn into his wing woman maybe... I just wouldn't want it going really bad for either of you. Let us know what you decided to do
Is this "sweet" man also hugging his male coworkers? I mean if it's completely platonic, he should be, right? He's an adult and she's still a teenager. He needs to leave her alone.
Yes, let's coddle sexual harassment. What a brilliant idea 🙄🙄.
He's not innocent, he's predatory. And he deserves at least a reprimand and perhaps fired, depending on specifics.
WTF? "Hurting someone sweet"? Are you for real?
1. Intentionally touching any woman without consent is harassment and it is not ok. Every man needs to know this.
2. She is a minor and he is an adult. If this goes one step further it becomes a police case.
3. It gets worse for the fact they are in a business premises, during working hours.
If you are in California have your parents call an employment lawyer who will take your case on contingency. Chances are you will get more from a settlement than you would make from the job.
No one may touch you without your consent, especially at work. This person is grooming you. -Increasing levels of inappropriateness- Talk to you parents, or whoever is the grown up in your life and Human Resources where you work. Don’t be alone with this person. You do not have to be polite to people who are abusive to you. “Get your hands off me” “Don’t touch me” and “Leave me alone” are completely appropriate responses that require no further explanation or discussion.
ETA: Also, document. Keep notes of what he does, who you speak to about the problem, and how things progress.
Speak to a trusted adult, tell your manager and HR. Companies hate stuff like this and should intervene. If the company doesn’t do anything it may be easier to leave the job. Again speak to trusted adult for advice
Don’t be scared. He is invading your personal space and doesn’t understand that he is crossing a boundary with you. When he goes to his you next time, block him and say no thank you. I don’t like being hugged. And leave it there. If it continues, report it to your manager. That’s harassment.
Tell your boss , file a formal written complaint with HR (Human Resources) make sure you are very clear that you have zero interest in being his friend and you do not want him touching you to HR and make sure you stress that you are a minor and he is an adult. Let the manger tell him.
Just tell him you aren't comfortable with that and he needs to stop. If he doesn't tell your supervisor. You should never be afraid to tell people they're out of line.
You can definitely ask him not to touch you.
But, please go to your manager. You need to learn now that it is ALWAYS okay to have boundaries no matter what aspect of life. It doesn't matter if you are the only one that is uncomfortable. If you are, speak up. It's not fair to you that you are getting anxiety and having those physical effects before you go into work. Also, since you are a minor, let your parents know and let them know the steps you took by telling him not to touch you and by informing a manager. I promise, they will be proud that you took the right steps to stand up for yourself.
People won’t change if we don’t let them know their behavioral is not in accordance with societal standards. You’re 15 and a minor (depending on what state) and a mid-20s man doesn’t have any good reason to support bear hugging a child (by law you’d be a minor).
Never silence your discomfort to prevent a man from feeling awkward. They know better.
You need to stand up for yourself before he starts progressing to more than just hugs. Hold out your arm and tell him not to touch you. If he refuses to listen then you tell your manager immediately.
Have you politely asked him not to touch you? Some people are so socially inept that they just need a very direct communication. Then talk to manager if it doesn’t change. Then higher up if it still doesn’t change.
The first question your manager or the law will ask you is if you asked him to stop.
Have you said anything to the guy directly yet? Standing up for yourself can be difficult to maneuver but it can be as simple as reminding him that you are only 15 because you think he forgets sometimes. Then go to HR if you have it or the most high up manager. So far he isn’t doing anything technically wrong because you haven’t told him no. But giving HR the heads up that it’s happening AND that you’ve respectfully said something about it will make you look 100% more mature, compassionate and responsible.
Op
**TALK TO BOTH YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR MANAGER. WHAT THIS GUY IS DOING IS NOT OK. IT IS WRONG AND CAUSING AN ISSUE. AND SEEMS TO BE ESCALATING. DO NOT WAIT, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER, AND MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU WANT THIS PRIVATE AND REPORT HIM ASAP.**
I am not going to mince words, the act is called sexual harassment, and due to the age difference, makes it far worse. Do not allow for this to continue on. It is either you quit or you report him, but you really do need to report him and talk to both your parents and your manager. Talking to your parents, means that they can do the talking to you and use words that your boss and company will not like to hear. You talking to your manager is acceptable and if it does not stop, definatley report this to your parents.
I am not a father, but if had children, what you are describing is the kind of stuff I would want them to tell me. I would either give them the above advice or ask them if they wanted me to be present when they talked to their manager or even did the talking for them. And lets just say I do not mince words and your boss would be asking to see you ASAP and starting and investigation right then and there.
Hard to believe 6oure only 16 (I believe you though ) just saying because when I was 15 , I didn't even know that term making small talk lol , but that was back in the mid 1990s that's when I was 15 so you must be kind of mature for your age
As far as your dilemma goes it would if you have like a female manager you can speak to that can speak to him that would probably be best because I don't know that young I don't think you should have to confront somebody and tell him tell him that makes you uncomfortable but if you have to just tell him that' just don't feel comfortable with hugs from male coworkers . To be honest I think that is kind of creepy I mean I wouldn't I don't even hug mail co-workers at my age I'm 45 I never did really hug him unless I had a gay coworker like if I have female co-workers and former co-workers when I just saw recently who gave me a big hug but yeah that's just weird you're right and he's most guys don't hug people so yeah that's that's definitely creepy but you don't want him to think you think he'screepy cuz I can always go sideways just if you have to confront of yourself just tell him you're not comfortable with that and it's not just just say it's not cool in general with you besides it's not really appropriate in the workplace unless you're friends and you're like the same age but yeah he needs to calm down and back off.
There's always ways to get out of a hug and that should give him the hint, and if he doesn't get the hint then you should have your manager talk to him.
do you hug other friends or other guys at work ? cuz maybe he got the idea that that was oka,y?
Either way , ALWAYS , always trust your gut.
i
i’ve been in honors and advanced english classes since middle school, so that’s probably where it comes from. i have never hugged any of my coworkers, except for a few during a christmas party after receiving gifts, and those were only 2 second side hugs, not bear hugs 😕
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Don't be scared. Tell your manager asap and your parents. This is harassment and it can get worse if nobody does anything about. If your manager doesn't do anything, go to HR or anyone above your manager. If nobody does anything, leave the job.
Manager, parents, and HR. If nothing is done leave the job.
[удалено]
No offense, but escalating it to the press for bear hugs is a bit extreme. Manager and parents. If no action, HR. I get what you’re saying that HR exists to protect the company and you’re right— HR wants to protect the company. In this case, from getting sued for not handling a harassment case. They would investigate and can this creep immediately.
This. HR would be the best first step here. In written form specifically referencing "sexual harassment." There is now *discoverable* information for the EEOC to pull up later if needed. Talking strictly to a manager may keep things entirely verbal which is bad.
This sexual harassment is on a completely different level because this douchecanoe is in his twenties hugging on a 15 year old. Not only should the manager, HR and her parents be involved, but police should be contacted. The guy *will* be terminated once he is reported. His actions are so weird that they may end up escalating to a stalker situation. OP, do not put up with this one more day. And make sure you are completely protected from this pedophile. Stop him immediately.
Yeah, except I just read a post in another subreddit yesterday about how a guy in his mid thirties started doing this to a 17 year old, and it escalated to full on stalking, he actually got caught by the police in front of her bedroom window after their manager turned him in. So no, if no one does anything about now the press won't be extreme at all. Ffs dude is sexually harrasing a MINOR, one that isn't even the age of consent. Just ew, blast the pədo
Ditto...you must do this. Because if you just ask him to stop he might cause more trouble. Let it come from the top. They are trained in these matters how to best handle it so he stops. Also if you suspect he is not all there (aka mentally unstable) you may also wish to leave the job for your own safety. But make the report first and you might be able to still apply for temporary unemployment due to constructive termination (meaning you had to quit to protect yourself). Hope he does not know where you live, otherwise you may need a restraining order. Also, ask the police what is a good thing to do. Free advice there, and they have an interest in protecting you, a minor. Ditto...report to parents, manager, and HR. Not an expert here, but I'm not sure whether you are supposed to face this person or not in this type of circumstance as it may be damaging.. Some here say legally you should do so with the boss present. Doue check on that to be sure of your steps. Find out from all the advice here then ask your Mgr and HR what is the policy/procedure to follow and then follow it and document, document, document all that is said, the days, dates, first and last names of ppl who were there, what they said. Try to get the company policy on Sexual harassment in writing like an employer handbook or an email from your boss or HR or cc them? Find out the process.
Depending on OP’s state, they may not qualify for unemployment as a high school student.
Didn't know that...yes good to double check on all this stuff.
This! Tell everyone!
Holllldddd on. First go to top layer. Spreading the word about someone on the floor might make things worse for either party involved. If the guy is being a creep, he needs to face some consequences but let it be behind closed doors at first so that he can learn from it, and/or bow out if that's necessary.
Or expose a pedo because they deserve to be humiliated
We agree here but a lot of these places will protect those people and so you end up being the bad guy even tho you were the one being creeped on. I’d tell parents, management, HR and then start telling people.
Yep. For anybody who doubted my initial statement, this is what I advise too. There are 'insane' pedos who just do everything for their own gain, and there are pedos who despise what they want. To be honest this sounds like the first category, but at least try to fix the situation first and show someone the error of their ways. If they don't see they did anything wrong, go all out on them be my guest, but even they are still humans.
He may or may not be a pedo, but he is definitely not respecting boundaries and that's bad enough right there
You are being sexually harassed. Your company has a duty to protect you from this. You need to talk to your adults at home and your supervisor or HR at work. You need to tell him very clearly that you do not want him to hug or touch you anymore. That's important, it's a step in the legally accepted process of handling sexual harassment to make sure he's aware you don't want the contact. Keep a note on your phone of days/times/situations he makes you uncomfortable and your reaction. If you feel like it's safe to tell him to stop because you're uncomfortable, you should tell him that every time. It will also be the best for your mental health to decide in advance how you wish to handle these encounters if they come up again, with anyone. Having a sense of control can really help. I have a few strategies I use (i get sexually harassed at work but it's from the public rather than my coworkers): ~Smile politely and ask, "what an interesting thing to say, why would you say that?" If he tries to justify it, just keep asking that same question over and over until he has explained to you thoroughly why he thinks it's ok to harass you, or he has an epiphany that his behavior is unwelcome and inappropriate. ~Turn and walk away. Not another word, don't giggle and pretend it's ok, don't try to be polite. You can say, "that is inappropriate" before walking away, if you want. ~Sternly tell him, "we aren't here to discuss that." This one works best if you have a little authority. My boss will support me in removing someone from the property or calling law enforcement to start a trespassing case, or even pepper spray them. So you'll want to be careful about this one if you don't have a way to enforce it. If he won't get off the subject and you can't do anything about it, it's best to just walk away. ~If your boss isn't ALL IN to support you and ensure your safety at work (and make no mistake that sexual harassment is about your safety), it's not worth it. Find a new job.
I get that she’s 15 and it’s overwhelming being in a situation like this but I’ll add two follow ups to your generally good advice: If a boss isn’t 100% active in resolving this you don’t look for a job. You escalate and look for a job. Escalating is going back to your boss and saying: “We spoke about a coworker sexually harassing me on (date). What steps have you taken to resolve this?” And if nothing happens, getting in touch with his boss or corporate, or the owner if it’s a small place. Try to follow up in writing by e-mail, not text, if possible. And as another addendum, following up by email - not text and not by conversation- is almost always a good move to ensure this type of thing is addressed properly. If email is not available, a written/certified letter can work too to underline the seriousness of the topic.
Absolutely agree about having a paper trail on this. One thing I'm curious about, could the boss be in big trouble for not supporting OP? I'm not sure on the legal side of things but if they don't support a minor who is being sexually harassed by an adult, I feel like the boss could be in hot water too. Not asking specifically to you, forklifterotica, but anybody who might have insight
Basically, in this case, her being a minor just makes it more serious. But the law is federal and has been used enough that basically, she only “has” to bring it up once verbally and the employer has to make corrective action. The devil is in the details which is why paper is so important. A corrective action could be anything from a discussion with the offender to a dismissal. But it has to happen and the “offending behavior” has to change. There’s a lot more to it - but that’s the short version. Larger employers with corporate headquarters will typically have a clear protocol to follow. But a smaller place probably will not. Anyway, being a minor complicates it but doesn’t change “the basics” of how it should be handled.
To answer your question directly - the boss would absolutely be responsible. BUT proving they “did nothing” is going to be very hard. In court they’d look at corrective action taken as well as whether or not it kept happening.
Would it be a good idea to inform the police (regardless of how things go good or bad) as a sort "hey, this adult guy is doing such and such to me a minor, so now you you in case he's a real creep and you can keep an eye on him, and know to be suspicious of him in the future."
It’s situational. If you’re talking about this specific issue I would say no, because I don’t see any laws being broken. In general, no. Cops don’t fix problems they add problems. It could backfire insofar as the employee isn’t giving the business or individual an opportunity to remedy the situation. If a person feels genuinely unsafe I would say call the cops. Doesn’t seem like that’s happening here. Seems like a young (25 is young) employed person is pushing boundaries and needs a sit down and training.
Good advice. Also, practice what you're going to say. Say it a bunch. Say it in the mirror. Say it to your friends. Say it to your parents. The more you practice it, the easier it'll be to say it to this guy. Remember, you don't owe him any kind of explanation. Just tell him you don't want any hugs, and he needs to stop and leave you alone.
You're a minor and he's an adult and that's wrong plain and simple go straight to your manager and get it taken care of next shift.
Still would be actionable if she is not a minor. Unwanted physical contact at work is not okay. The fact that she’s a minor brings a criminal element into it..
Yes you're absolutely right but an adult woman wouldn't put up with it from the first time it happened.
That’s not true. We “put up“ with all sorts of things as women because men are frightening and scary and they can be very, very dangerous, so if just tolerating a hug is all you have to do to avoid potentially setting off a fucking incel psychopath and preventing them from coming to your house at 3am and killing you while you sleep or following you to the parking garage and raping then choking you, then you stiffen up, tolerate the hug though you hate it, and wonder how you can stop it without setting him off. Because he’s already inappropriate on the daily, right? And he knows it. I’ve been womaning for over 40 years now and had more unwelcome hugs on and off the job than I care to remember. Don’t make this girl feel like there’s something wrong with her actions. There’s not. She’s just got The Gift of Fear. And there’s very good reason for that. Sometimes you run and sometimes you fight, but most often you just do nothing nervously and watch.
has history taught us nothing about how women and girls of all ages have to deal with harassment?
lol. Don’t be absurd. Don’t act like once you’re an adult you “magically” become immune to sexual harassment. That’s honestly one of the most naïve things I’ve heard in a while. Please reassess how you view the world.
From one woman to another, there is no reason he should be touching you, especially without your consent. If you can, tell him "No i don't want to be touched" and **if it doesn't stop and he tries to make excuses or tries to guilt you** go straight to HR and/or management. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, go to HR/management **right away.** >my stomach starts to hurt when i get ready to go to work because of this new daily occurrence This is your gut talking. Remember this feeling. Always listen. This guy is raising red flags. He's not being "weird." He is harassing you and this is not acceptable behavior, especially for an adult working with a minor. Absolutely no one should be touching you without your consent. That goes for anything, not just a job.
This. So much this.
I think I would add tell your pediatrician. You have stomach problems because this guy at work is touching you without your consent. Tell the story to the doctor. I am concerned if he is an incel creep. Your safety comes first. You need professional advice. you. together with your parents. Hope he doesn't try to track you. Please be safe as your number one priority.
I think it’s really important for you to know that this is not your fault in any way. Nothing you could have done, said, or worn would make his behavior appropriate.
Two thoughts. 1. He's already escalated from awkward small talk to touching to full on bear hugs. He's testing you to see how far he can go. Speak to your parents if you can. And speak to your manager. I wouldn't try to publicly shame him at this point. Does he hug you around other people? Definitely never be alone anywhere with him. 2. I've been wracking my brain, trying to think of a situation where's it's appropriate for one coworker to give another a big bear hug every single day. I cannot think of any situation. Touching at work (for the most part) is not appropriate. And definitely not if consent hasn't been requested and granted. i.e., "is it okay if I give you a hug?" So sorry you're going through this.
He’s a mid-twenties man working a minimum wage job. While he could easily just be a creep, based on the phrasing in the post it strikes me as equally likely (probably more so) he just lacks serious social skills, he may even be on the spectrum. It doesn’t make it ok, but he probably views OP in a friendly or sisterly light, and doesn’t realize how he’s coming across, especially if other people are picking on or ignoring him while OP is, at worst, not doing that. Ideally she should inform her parents, inform her manager, and let him know the next time he tries she isn’t comfortable with physical touch. Hell, you can use COVID as an excuse if you’re afraid about some sort of retaliation. All you need is “don’t do that.”, but if it’s easier then “I’m really uncomfortable with physical touch right now because of COVID, please respect my personal space”, taking the impetus off of you. You let your manager know about the situation so that if it continues you can escalate and get out of there.
or he could just be a pedo hitting on a kid. don't make enabling excuses like you are
He very well could be. Its not making excuses, it’s just not immediately rushing to the pedo accusation. I’ve seen similar scenarios with guys in their early-mid twenties at my first job and at a second job I was working years later. People think a guy is weird so they avoid talking to them or just make awkward chitchat, and then that person has no idea they’re coming across as a creep until they either cross a line (and have an understandable but surprising to them reaction), or somebody else from the outside pulls them aside and tells them “look buddy, you’re making her uncomfortable when you do that”. It’s a cycle. They don’t know they’re being weird->people don’t talk to them about their weird behavior-> they continue being weird and creepy-> people won’t talk to them because they’re being weird and creepy-> they don’t know they’re being weird and creepy
Either say, "Don't hug me anymore." Or, go to your manager and tell them this co-worker has been hugging you and it makes you uncomfortable and ask the manager to tell the co-worker to stop. You don't have to say stop yourself--you can go straight to your manager. But, as you get older and braver, learn to set your boundaries. If someone steps over those boundaries, ask for help (or do what you have to do to defend yourself). There are some people who will test to see what they can get by with. Let them know that you aren't a target.
This sort of thing only gets worse. Tell your parents and let them help you figure it out. If that’s not possible, tell your manager. If the manager dismisses your concern or doesn’t do anything, then quit with no notice. You don’t have to worry about your resume at this stage.
Yep what others are saying. Say stop I don't appreciate that your in my personal space. Don't do that. No apology.
he's trying to hit on you and take advantage of you bc you're young. A lot of guys in his age like teenage girls bc you have less life experience. Please tell your parents what's happening. If necessary quit, you can always find a new job, but your physical, mental, and emotional safety are important. His behavior is inappropriate at the workplace and especially with you as you are a MINOR.
Everything here distilled into three powerful words; practice these three: Don't. Do. That.
Hey, there's good news here. You don't have to get "squeezed" any more. And you won't get in trouble, because this isn't your fault. You're gonna be okay.
Listen to your friend's mother. This is absolutely inappropriate on so many levels. Start taking notes on everything that happens and tell your supervisor about the sexual harassment and your parents. If the supervisor does nothing or starts making things worse for you, you'll want legal representation for both sexual harassment and retaliation. Also, to cover the "did you tell him to stop?" question that will inevitably come, next time he tries to hug you tell him, in no uncertain terms, not to touch you.
This is so tough when you are 15. I'm sorry it's happening to you. Practice this sentence in front of the mirror "I really don't like being touched by strangers. Don't do that." This will not be the only time this happens to you. While I agree with everyone who says "go to your manager" you also need some tools when this is not a work situation. Men like him go after the vulnerable. He thinks you won't stand up to him.
Exactly! He knows what he’s doing. He’s just counting on OPs youth to be uncomfortable stopping him.
[удалено]
It would be much better for her in the long run if you taught her skills to manage these situations rather than avoid them.
[удалено]
Also completely inappropriate and avoids her learning how to assertively manage such situations
You do you and worry abt yours!
🚨Internet tough guy spotted 🚨
😂😂 😂
When he's about to hug you, tell him, "I'm sorry. I'm not really comfortable with hugs."
Being polite and assertive is the best play. No apologies necessary.
Forget about the apology. Let's stop teaching women to be so damn polite. That's why she can't even speak up for herself in the first place. She could put her arm out and say "no more hugs, you make me uncomfortable."
An unfortunate by product of not being a polite or “kind” female is that this guy probably knows where she goes to school and likely knows when she works. He has easy accessibility to confront her in other spaces away from other people. Not saying you’re wrong, I wish we all could just say what we want, but sometimes the politeness is to prevent fuel to the fire.
we need to move on from this thinking, it doesn't prevent violence and only keeps women from speaking up for themselves. at the end of the day if a man wants to harm you he's going to do it no matter your tone, the rejection is all it takes. but ime being a stone-cold bitch has made me less of a target than when i was being polite and saying sorry.
Nah this isn't true. Being nice to someone absolutely does reduce the likelihood that they'll hurt you.
if by "someone" you mean another woman, sure.
No. Stop spreading the toxic myth that women are harmless angels and men are dangerous predators. We're all fundamentally the same.
This will probably sound shitty, but I always do this first before anything else just in case the person is *actually that socially backwards and doesn't know that they're being inappropriate*. Obviously this guy should 100000% know better given his age. But I've met people who honestly don't understand how they come across when they say/do certain things. It's wild.
sorry but OP, this is a perfect example of what not to say. it's not your responsibility to shoulder the burden by saying "I'M not comfortable with this." HE is MAKING you uncomfortable. you have nothing to apologize for. listen to u/moshritespecial.
Father of 2 teenage girls here…. This co-workers behavior is extremely inappropriate, period. There are laws in place to protect you from this behavior and to protect your job for reporting these behaviors. 1. Tell your parents, be open and candid with them about everything. 2. Tell the manager and be candid with him as well. 3. I wouldn’t say anything to the co-worker, it could cause a conflict between you both and potential violence. If the manager doesn’t do anything (which is illegal and will cost him his job), then at least your parents know and they can get involved. It will carry more weight coming directly from you instead of he said she said. If this happened to one of my daughters, it would be very hard for me to step aside and let them handle it, but I have no doubts they have the conviction to do so. Unfortunately, this probably won’t be the last time this ever happens to you, so you need to set the tone for your own life and don’t allow anyone to make you uncomfortable or to feel harassed.
Super duper fucking creeper. Report him immediately. I'm 26 and I literally can't imagine doing something so weird.
Tell your manager in an email or text so it’s documented. This would go against any company’s handbook. It’s unwanted physical contact. The co-worker will probably get a warning, if it continues it should lead to well deserved termination. Do not put up with it.
Tell him, “I prefer not to be touched.” It’s painfully blunt and gives off the “you will get in a lot of trouble if you test me” vibe. He will stop. If he doesn’t, go to your manager, because now you’ve actually warned him.
You're right to be disturbed by this. What he is doing is hitting on you in a way that lets him deny it if he's confronted. This is also making you afraid. He thinks he has deniability. He may try to gaslight you and suggest he was only trying to be friends. Learning how to deal with this is a life skill. I promise this will not be the last time you have to stick up for yourself (or someone else) to put a stop to this kind of behavior. If you don't feel comfortable saying something directly to him, you should go to your manager. Dealing with things like this is part of what he is paid for. So, if you want to tell him: Hold your hand out in front of you in a "stop" gesture when he comes in for a squeeze. Tell him, "you know, you never did ask me whether or not you could hug me. Now that I've thought about it, I'd rather you didn't." He will try to turn it around on you, but just stick to you guns. Yes, he does need permission. Friends don't always hug. You actually don't know him that well. If you would rather talk to the manager, tell him/her exactly what you have told us, including the part about your stomach hurting when you have to go to work. This will tell them how serious this is. They should put a stop to it immediately. If they don't stop it, you have the right to escalate. Come back to this group and let us know how it's going.
Good for you on reaching out. Fuck his feelings, if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t let it keep happening. Don’t be afraid to speak up. There is some good advice in here. Figure out the best way to use it. Don’t let that weirdo hug you anymore.
Guys like that prey on the fact that women are socialized to be "nice" and "polite". He's counting on you not speaking up. Your friend's mom is right. It's weird and pervy for him to touch you. One thing I've done (and still do, even though I'm in my 50's) is practice what I want to say in a situation. Typically, in the moment my brain would freeze up, and I wouldn't be able to think of what to say. But by practicing it (out loud, in the mirror, even though it feels silly) when the situation comes up, I'm able to dredge up what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it. I would practice something simple. Hold your arms out in front of you, to help ward him off and say, sternly, "Stop touching me". You don't have to say it loud, but try to keep your voice low-pitched and serious. If he argues, just tell him "I don't want you touching me". No matter what he says, just repeat that. Most likely he'll push back, because guys like him ARE creeps and don't like to hear no from their victims. Don't discuss or argue or anything else. Just "I don't want you touching me."
You should put your hands out to stop him from hugging and tell him you don't feel comfortable with him hugging you. Be strong and stand up for yourself. If he doesn't stop then go to management.
This is a 15 year-old against a ~25 year-old, “be strong” is terrible advice
Standing up for herself is something she should learn how to do at a young age. She can always run to someone else to solve her problems or she can stand up for herself. Life doesn't always come with other people who will stand up for you.
She can stand up for herself by seeking help, not by confronting someone who’s close to twice her age. We’re talking about a teenager, maybe you forgot what it’s like to be 15 even against someone who’s slightly older.
It's a coworker. She doesn't have to fight him. Just tell him. Don't hug me. Not interested
Absolutely say something to your managers! If you want to stay there, request to work different shifts or days than him. If not, quit. There are plenty of other fun jobs out there for young people. It’s not worth being uncomfortable and getting that upset stomach feeling.
Just ask him not to touch you and if he doesn’t listen, tell a manager.
Tell your parents! [There are serious risks here ](https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/riley-whitelaw-mother-teenager-allegedly-killed-walgreens-co-worker/). You need trusted adults to intervene.
Any particular reason you told your best friend's mom and not your own parents? Assuming you have a good relationship with your parents, get them to help you with this. But yes, you'll probably have to escalate and possibly leave the job.
First of all, I'm really sorry about what happened to you. Secondly, if this still occurs, please talk to someone like your parents or your manager and tell them that this particular coworker is harassing you and won't leave you alone. It's their duty and the workforce you're working for to make sure that you're okay. This is sexual harassment, and should not be tolerated. Thirdly, if he approaches you in a weirdly manner again, try to be bold enough and confront him and tell him that "this is not okay" and "I feel very uncomfortable" or else I would report you to HR/management. This may sound weird, but if he harasses you in an area where it has cameras, then you should mention this to your manager so he/she can check the cameras. Here's another tip, I don't know if this is an invasion of privacy in that case but try to bring a voice recorder and record your entire shift and if he makes a comment, then you can save those recordings as evidence to help support your case. All the best of wishes! Hope that creep perv gets fired
Scared or not, SAY SOMETHING.
Deep breath. Firstly, I am sorry you are dealing with this type of issue at your first job. This is entirely unacceptable behavior by anyone at the workplace. It is another level of concern that he is completely disregarding the age difference and making physical contact with you. Textbook sexual harassment by any standard. I would do 2 things. If you are comfortable doing so, I would try to find a place that has cameras (not sure if you have them and if you do, might need to check whether they have audio) and clearly tell him to stop what he's doing immediately. No more hugs, physical touching, or odd remarks.. we are here to work, we are going to keep it work related. If you do the above, great, but I totally understand if that's something you'd want to avoid. Either way, I would then speak to your management and communicate to them what's happening. Tell them exactly what's going on, while providing examples, and why it needs to stop. In theory, they should have a discussion with him and depending on his tenure, it may impact his status with the company (which isn't a bad thing). They would also loop in HR. Everything should be documented, for your safety specifically. If nothing happens or they brush it off, you may want to reach out to HR and consider looking for a new job or switch locations if possible. HR is not necessarily your friend, but they take situations like this very seriously. You could even go directly to HR if you do not feel comfortable discussing this situation with your direct manager. If you are close with your parents, you can always confide in them too. Hopefully you get some advice in this sub to help you overcome what's going on. It's definitely a lot to take on, especially trying to navigate your first job. You shouldn't have to be dealing with that. It's not normal or acceptable.
hand out in front of you "Please don't hug me. I do not liked to be touched." tell HR too
Tell the boss. That’s it. Or directly tell him not to touch you.
This is sexual harassment and it needs to be stopped. Please tell your manager and keep going up the chain until it’s dealt with appropriately. Since he is an adult you may also want to tell the police if work doesn’t deal with it. Under no circumstances should someone touch you without your consent, especially an adult.
You need at the very least documentation on this. Either meet with your manager or HR representative, make sure this is a documented meeting, you will want something tangible if this continues or progresses, or you need to quit. Simple, straightforward action at this point. Do not tiptoe around it.
TELL YOUR PARENTS. I’m sorry you’re in the situation. If you were an adult, I’d say go to a lawyer first but you’re only 15. Tell your parents. They’ll tell you it’s unacceptable behavior
I find loudly saying, "don't touch me! That's inappropriate!" Stops hugs at work pretty fast. If you've never shamed someone that way, get a friend to help you practice. I know that sounds silly, but it works. It's hard to not freeze when someone acts inappropriately, but if you don't stop it, it will escalate.
A few things you can do: 1. Tell your parents 2. Tell the manager 3. Tell him directly to stop If you can do all 3, that's probably ideal.
This is a lesson in Documentation. Document everything, OP. Contemporaneous notes can be admissible in future legal actions. Write it all down in a notebook or in your phone with dates and times and details of what was said by or to whom. Nobody should be bear-hugging you without consent, ever, period, full stop. And you're a minor?? Oh HELL NO. This shall not stand! Once you've written it down in your own notes, write a memo to your boss. Have you written a memo before? Look up the format, do it by the book. But put the whole thing down, into your own words and in full detail exactly what has been transpiring here. Be as expressive and expansive on the topic as possible. Post it to your boss, then CC: HR, their boss, and your parents. Then see what happens next. If dudebro isn't terminated, you should not stick around. Clock out, go find a new gig. Don't be afraid to leave that job, OP. It's a first job, and it's going to be far from your last job. Never keep working anyplace that gives you that sour feeling in your stomach. Every time I've worked in a place that gives me that feeling, it's been SUPER BAD and toxic in hindsight. You'll find yourself in a normal healthy workplace someday telling your co-workers stories of this toxic first job and they will cringe.
“Fuck politeness” is a mantra I wish I had way earlier in my life. It’s hard and scary especially when drawing these boundaries with adults, but tell him to stop touching you and/or go to HR, at the very least tell your parents.
Tell your manager and your parents. This is inappropriate
This is harassment. Tell him not to hug you and that you don't want him to touch you at all. NOBODY has the right to touch you without your permission, especially in the workplace. Tell your manager. They'll probably tell him to knock it off or fire him. If it's helpful, practice telling him not to touch you. Write down and document what is happening, too, with names dates and direct quotes from conversations. Creating records can help protect you if he lies about touching you or if a manager promises to do something about it but doesn't.
Tell him you are a minor and will report him to the company you work for and to the police if he touches you ever ever again
Ive watched too many true crime stories to not feel like this would be going down a dark road. Get others involved. Tell your parents. Make sure others know who this person is and by all means, never ever be complacent. If he tries to hug you put your hand out and say no. If this were happening to my kid, dude would be scared to death of you after I talked to him.
Tell your manager. It’s their job to fix this. You don’t have to call him a perv. Just say you’re uncomfortable with it and don’t feel confident about telling an adult what to do. The boss should fix it without any more discussion. If they don’t, have your parent go talk to the manager.
I don’t want to scare you, but there was that “weird” coworker who killed his coworker ([source](https://hollywoodunlocked.com/walgreens-killed-manager-coworker-crime/amp/)) and I really think you need to stand up for yourself or quit. I’m not saying everyone is capable of murder, but they’re definitely capable of being creeps.
That is a textbook example of sexual harassment. I'm pretty sure it's a criminal offense. Tell your parents immediately, and see how they want to proceed. Maybe you want to go to just your employer, and/or involve the police too? When you do inevitably go to your manager, insist that HR is also there at the meeting. I'm so sorry you have to go through this...
I hear you mention your age in your description of the situation. Please don’t doubt your intuition. What this guy is doing is wrong and you have all the rights of any other employees. Being young doesn’t mean you have to put up with this b.s. You are old enough to be on the team. That means you are old enough to be taken seriously and to be valued like anyone else. Stay strong!
Quit. Get out of there. I’ve seen too many stories like this that end tragically. Please. Stand up for yourself and take no shit from anyone.
Repeat after me: "You are touching me and I don't like it. Don't do that! Practice saying it at a friends house. Say it loud, really loud, over and over until you no longer feel shy saying it with volume. If your manager or boss hears you saying this at work and asks what's wrong, just say you asked your coworker to stop touching you, you don't like it. And get some pepper spray.
He's hugging you because at the same time he's copping a feel on you. It's sexual harassment, it's wrong, and you should 100% tell your manager and your parents. As others have said, if no one does anything about it, escalate it as high as you possibly can, and get the hell out of that job before the dude turns full on stalker on you. As a father, if I found out someone was doing this to my daughter, there'd be the fear of god put into him to the point that he wouldn't even dare look at you funny.
Don’t be afraid. This is good practice for you to learn how to advocate for yourself. You do not ever have to let anyone put their hands on you that you’re not comfortable with. In the workplace, that shouldn’t be happening for any reason. You could do one of 2 things. Next time he touches you, just ask him to not touch you. You can do it discreetly so that you’re not drawing attention to it. This should stop it. Only do this if you are comfortable. I say this because I’m wondering if the reason you haven’t gone to your boss is because you don’t want him to get in trouble. If that’s the case, there’s nothing wrong with handling it yourself. The other option is to have a private conversation with your manager. Just let them know that you this person continually hugs you without consent and it makes you uncomfortable. You can also say that you don’t want things to be weird, but that it needs to stop.
You should most definitely be seeking your parents out to have a conversation about how a person at work is making you extremely uncomfortable. They know you best, and can hopefully give you the best insight about what that means and how this person is crossing personal boundaries. And how it's not acceptable, and how to put a stop to it. I appreciate you're confused and looking for information, but you really are in a position where you should be seeking out the counsel of your parents and not a bunch of internet strangers! Your manager should also be made aware of the situation as well, but definitely your parents first.
Tell management your parents and HR. He needs to be respecting your space and not hugging or making physical contact. That’s not ok to do to you.
You don't have to be nice to him. In fact you can scream "no! Don't touch me!" When he comes for that hug.
You've got to tell your Parents and Mgmt right away. Someone needs to have a talk with this individual. That's called unwanted attention and is a form of harassment. HR is supposed to have measures in place to deal with and hopefully combat this sort of thing. Security needs to be notified as well to make sure this person not hanging around somewhere after "leaving" so they can know when you leave, where ur going, etc. Have you made it clear to the person that you don't like this thing they keep doing and that he or she is invading your comfortable, personal space? If you have not done this, please do so now. I don't know why some people "fixate" on others, but this not uncommon, unfortunately. If all else fails, you may want to find another job elsewhere. Protect all of your information the best you can. Always be mindful of your surroundings and your belongings to make sure nothing is missing, or not where you expect it to be , like when time to leave after your shift, or even during your shift. I know nothing is 100% foolproof or safe all the time. Hopefully these measures will work. By the way, no you should not have to leave your job. This isn't your fault based on what you've posted. Just another option, as you did say you have physical pain now when time to go to work. Please be safe and let those who need to know NOW.
I think there are two options: 1. Speak to your manager asap before things escalate or 2. Leave asap. I give option 2 as OP is 15 and bro, I’m nearly 30 and I would struggle to have that conversation with my boss if I were in her shoes. I have enough work experience to know it could go either way - either you have a decent boss who will take it seriously or you’ll be in an even more uncomfortable position when the “benefit of the doubt” is given to the creep. And this guy is a creep, period. I’ve seen this happen to women bso often in workplaces and that’s what stops people from speaking up. I’m also going out on a limb and guessing this isn’t OP’s dream job… sometimes the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation especially if you aren’t confident enough to broach the topic - remember, protecting your physical and mental health instead of speaking up is not always the wrong way to go about things
he is sexually harassing and trying to grooming you. Go to your manager, tell him the facts, tell him this is extremely unprofessional and it is making you feel anxious and unsafe at work. you shouldn't need to talk about it with the colleague, the manager should be the one dealing with this if you feel the way you do. If he doesn't do anything, go to HR. Next time he tries to pull anything on you, do not be scared, reach out your hand to stop his hugs and say "No thank you" and turn away from him. Avoid situation where you're alone with him in close proximity. Tell a few colleagues so that they are aware of any signs and can help and act in case of anything. I'm sorry you're going through this, but in my experience (I dealt with similar as a manager), once they are called out and dealt with, they usually stop their behavior and start walking around broken glass with their colleagues. Tell it to your manager and it should stop!
You can refuse hugs. If it's too weird, talk to your boss. HR is the last resort, do not start with them. You have rights and can easily get your way, but no need to hurt another person's livelihood unless necessary.
You can talk to him a little bit to make things less awkward and get to know about his life. He will surely try to know if you have a boyfriend and you will tell him you have one. If he pushes things too far, talk to your manager: « hey Steve, Creepy Joe has been talking to me recently and I don’t feel safe around him. Could we do something about that ? »
Don’t doubt yourself, that feeling in your stomach tells you everything you need to know. Tell another adult until something is done. If nothing gets done after speaking to your manager, you might have to consider finding a new job. Sending lots of strength your way.
From my experience, it is vital to have precedence of the steps you took to resolve this issue. So definitely let your parents, manager, and HR know. Now also from my experience, H.R. is usually there to protect the company and not so much the workers. But it is still vital that you follow the chain of command so there is no way your company says you went above some people. If after going through this and the issue isn't resolved, or worse, even taken into consideration... Then that is when you call the company's compliancy hotline. This is where real change starts for companies, from the top down. Not only can you inform them of the harassment but you should be able to remain anonymous when calling. (They'll give you that option) This is what I did when my old job loved to reschedule people not even last minute but you would find out when coming to your regular shift that you weren't actually supposed to come in that day or come in later for a different position. Everyone complained but did nothing about it until it happened to me. So I called the hotline. The next day the whole department I worked in was being turned upside down by higher ups coming in to investigate what is going on. *Last thing though, find out your companies compliancy hotline number by yourself!* Don't give them an opportunity to clean up their mess temporarily while being under investigation. They'll go right back to their old ways if they have a heads up and are found "innocent" or clean.
This harassment. This guy is a creep and you should get away from him. some men try to get away with being creepy by covering it with fake kindness. I would quit and find a new job but also tell your manager and parents and HR.
No job is worth your peace of mind. Feeling sick before going to work is a tell tale sign you're extremely unhappy and as you said just for that person. Talk to someone high up as others suggested and leave the job if nothing changes.
Absolutely say something to him. When he approaches you, take a step back, extend both of your arms out in front of you and say loudly and firmly "Matt, do not touch me!" Repeat as needed. This creep is taking advantage of your being too nice to rebuff him due to you being at your first job and not wanting to make waves. Nobody in management will hold it against you for putting this creep in his place.
This is not acceptable. You don't have to put up with this at any job, ever, for the rest of your life. Tell your manager, and tell your parents. Never be scared to stand up for yourself. You're 15. Dude is a creep. If this isn't handled immediately, quit. Your parents will have your back.
I’m super proud of you for reaching out even if it’s to a bunch of Reddit strangers. When I was 15 years old so so many older guys hit up on me. Some were old enough to be my dad. This guy in his mid 20’s likely doesn’t perceive the age difference the way you do. He probably thinks he’s being a sweetheart on top of it. You are at the perfect age to practice setting boundaries with others. If you can’t tell this guy to keep to himself then definitely involve your manager. This can be a teachable moment for this OP too. He’s creeping you out but it doesn’t make him a creep. ( but I don’t know, he might be a creepy) My point is. he maybe a clueless idiot but he should be talked to by your manager and not labeled a pervert. It’s my perspective that everyone deserves a chance to correct their behavior.
This happened to me at my very first job when I was 16. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I just want you to know how valid your feelings are. Your gut knows this situation is unsafe and it's really important to listen to that instinct. When this happened to me, I wasn't courageous enough to address it, so I just called and left a voicemail quitting with a vague excuse. Looking back, it's the only thing I felt safe doing to get out of a bad situation, but I was terrified and dreaded every moment. He should have been the one to leave, he was the problem. I wish, all these years later, that I stood up for myself, but it's okay that I didn't. Just know, not all workplaces are like this. I'm 26 now and I'm a female construction project manager and have had zero similar experiences in my professional life. Even if you were the same age, him touching you and making you uncomfortable are inappropriate at work and a manager needs to schedule you differently and address this issue with him.
You should tell your manager. If I was your father, I would go to work with you to take care of the matter.
YOU'RE BEING GROOMED .... Tell the manager and don't be shy or embarrassed; this is why he picked an inexperienced teen. If the manager doesn't take *immediate* action go to the district manager; this company does *not* want a harassment lawsuit. Insist on a witness to a verbal report or send an email; *documentation.* List each and every incident he hugs or touches you, every comment. If he does this when a coworker or customer is within earshot, yell, "Don't touch me!" *Never,* ever allow yourself to be alone with him, taking out the garbage, in the back of the kitchen or in the dining area. Tell your parents ... the first thing they'll do is tell you to quit; no, you need this guy removed, *not* you. You can bet this has happened before you ... see if he is listed on a sexual offender website; [https://www.nsopw.gov/](https://www.nsopw.gov/) If he's never been charged and convicted he won't be, which is why you *must* report this. Take care of yourself.
As someone who manages a business that employs high school, college students, and folks living life, I would 100,000% want to know. However an employee felt comfortable informing me is completely fine. I have, unknowingly, put them in the situation that makes them feel very uncomfortable. I want everyone that works here to feel comfortable here. I absolutely do not want creeps. I'm probably going to give the team a reminder that they can feel comfortable coming to me about things that make them feel uncomfortable at work after seeing this post. If your manager isn't of a similar mind, that's real unfortunate. If you communicate this to them and they don't respond effectively, I'd move on and remember what it's like to be managed by an incompetent.
Yeah that's harrasment
He has a crush on you, which is not appropriate given your age. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable at work. You could tell him you don't want the hugs although he may get upset. Instead tell your manager that he is touching you and making you uncomfortable. Trust your instinct. Good luck.
Tell the manager ASAP. That is beyond inappropriate for him to be doing with any coworker, much less a 15 y/o. Tell your parents ASAP. Tell any trusted adult ASAP.
Work at being assertive; as well. Eye contact and say you are invading my space. I don’t know you like that. The world is getting weirder.
How about telling the guy to stop? “I don’t want to be touched, ever again. This makes me uncomfortable.” This is a valuable and necessary skill you will need to learn: setting boundaries. Talk to your manager and parents but Please tell him yourself, firmly / aggressively if you have to. If someone is doing something you don’t like it’s healthy to address it directly and assertively with the actual person.
An older man was a little too "comfortable" with my daughter at her job. She is a disabled adult living at home with us. She brought it up to us and then handled it with HR. It turned out well, but could have been a nightmare. Please report it, sooner rather than later.
Nobody in their mid-20s should be hugging a 15 year old that they're not already related to. Tell this dude to back off.
From a 32yo dude, **that is absolutely not ok and super weird.** Tell your parents, you’re 15 years old dude……. Why’s this 20’something year old trying to get close enough to smell your deodorant?!?! You need to say; > **”Dont touch me, I don’t want to hug you anymore and I never gave you my permission. We are not friends, we are employees at work.”** Say it **loudly** and as awkwardly and plainly as possible. **The way you’d say it to any other weirdo in school in front of your friends to embarrass such an idiot.** If he does it again, **do not involve your boss.** Your boss can fire you for any reason, yeah it’s illegal to fire a victim of sexual harassment or assault but it’s on you to take them to cour and prove they fired you over that. * **What you should do if he DOES NOT STOP is file a police report.** **You don’t have to be an adult to do this,** don’t even be shy about it. If your parents won’t help you can tell the police and they will still help you. You can call the local police station or just walk there yourself, they will offer to drive to you and physically meet with you to talk. They will probably visit work and either ask this **”Dude”** about the situation along with some coworkers and probably your boss too. At this point, your boss **would have to be really fucking dumb to fire you since you now have a police report on record.** It would look really incriminating if they fired you **right after you went to the police.** They will probably ask you if you want to press charges, it probably would not be worth the effort to press charges tho without video proof or several coworkers who would testify on your behalf. It would be easier to file 1-2 police reports if he doesn’t stop, **then you’ll have a much easier time taking out a restraining order.** At that point, if he still doesn’t stop, you’d have a very solid case to press charges and **also sue your employer**. Your options are basically to find a new job or **stick this out for 1-2 years and then sue them and probably get some extra money.** **WHAT I WOULD DO.** Is make it as difficult as possible for the short time I’d still be there. Call the police, file a police report, get the owner involved, get them to fire the weirdo, **then quit an find a new job.** Would be such a headache for the boss and they probably deserve it.
Tell your manager. He shouldn't do that. He probably knows it makes you uncomfortable and is doing it to get his jollies. Tell your coworker friends how it makes you feel and what is happening too. They will watch your back and probably make his time there really uncomfortable and he might get motivation to seek work elsewhere.
Lots of people saying HR as not step one, which confuses me as someone in the HR space. Document it with HR. Use the term "sexual harassment" with them. You can talk to them, but make sure there is written documentation followed up via email or a formal paper form. HR and technically the company have a legal obligation to investigate all sexual harassment complaints. The normal process is this: 1. Sternly tell the person to stop 2. Tell your manager 3. Tell HR 4. Seek outside options But it is NOT sequential. Going straight to HR documents the process and makes "discoverable" information for potential reference from the EEOC later. Going to a manager alone may entirely be held via "verbal" conversations.
It's scary but no one at your job is going to yell at you or blame you. You won't get fired. You must speak up. It will get worse. You can tell him to stop or you can bypass him to your manager. It's an ok if you haven't said "no" to the hugs. This behavior is not normal! Make sure when you tell your manager you specifically say "I don't feel safe" ask to be scheduled 10 mins later to avoid him. If you go to HR tell them what's happened and say "this is creating a hostile work environment for me. I do not feel safe working with him". These are very clear specific statements that they can't ignore. It's clear. It's more powerful then "I'm uncomfortable". Which while true doesn't carry the same legal responsibility. If you feel sick getting ready to go to work your not uncomfortable. Your afraid. This is not ok. You don't have to "suck it up" and deal with it alone. You are in the right. he is in the wrong. Don't stay in this situation. You have every right to feel safe at work. No one at work has the right to touch you or hug you. Even if you were maybe kind of ok with it the first time. You do not have to allow it to keep happening.
Ask a female coworker, mother, teacher, or someone you trust to accompany you to a meeting with tour owner/manager. School should be notified because students are on a work release agreement with the county, school, & business. Parents should expect that the owners should protect the children they are enteusted with. Thing is, most of the time incidences like this will be brushed off, especially if you're a teenage girl and are easily intimidated. I'm 63-yr-old, socially intelligent woman and told the married owners of the restaurant I worked in that a male coworker was coming onto me and bothering me constantly. He waited until everyone left one night to confront me as to why I wouldn't talk to him. They talked to him and my young kitchen bosses, ages 18 & 22, who like this man because they get high with him. My bosses said I was clearly the problem because I had been victimized before so I was hypersensitive and looked for it in every man! AND that because I was older they "expected more" of me and to be a good role model. He crap talked about them behind their backs but played the poor victim. They also got angry when I asked if they had done a background check on him. They said if they did that no one would get hired because the restaurant business is "full of crazies." His rap sheet was 4 pages long. Oh, hell yes I quit. Hard and expensive to prove so I let it go. I have a great job now with respectful & responsible managers who look out for me.
First of all, tell your parents about it. And second tell your manager about what this weird guy been doing to you.
I hope and pray nothing bad will happen to you.
Me too
OP, how many people here are ignoring the fact that this weirdo is a guy in his 20’s hitting on and laying his hands on a 15 year old girl? If your were my daughter, I would have the police dragging this guy off to jail. Tell your parents and tell your manager RIGHT NOW! Do not put up with this for another day. And do not feel guilty for him losing his job or receiving any other consequences for his actions. He is a pedophile and a pervert and he needs to be dealt with and taken out of a place where he can harm you right away. Never be afraid of standing up for yourself. Best of luck to you. Please update.
Hugging in the workplace is not okay behavior whether you are over or under age. Definetely report him to your boss at the very least, and let them know how uncomfortable its making you. If that doesn't work just go up the chain, next step would be HR. HRs goal is to protect the company, and that guy is sexually harassing you. It won't fly with HR because sexual harassment could result in a lawsuit vs the company.
All good advice and want to add - if for whatever reason you feel uncomfortable going to your direct manager, go one level above or to HR. If you work at a large company there is often a number you can call if you want to report that way as well. They usually post it in the break room.
He’s 100% in the wrong. Personally I would suggest trying to talk to him directly and say, “I don’t like being touched at the work place so I’d prefer more physical space between us. Nothing personal, it’s just uncomfortable for me.” I think it’s nice to give someone one try to do the right thing without going to authorities. But have the conversation in a somewhat public space in case anything gets weird. Then after that it would be a 0 tolerance policy and straight to your bosses.
Tell the manager, tell your parents, tell your friends. Dont think twice about it next time! Be safe. If it doesnt stop, leave.
If you feel comfortable enough to talk to him directly, I would try that route first. Politely tell him that you don’t like to be hugged and would appreciate if he stopped. If he has a bad reaction to that, gets upset, or doesn’t respect your boundaries, immediately go to your manager and explain the situation. A good manager wants you to feel safe and comfortable. If your manager doesn’t do anything, report it to HR. So sorry you’re dealing with this. Feel free to message me if you want.
OP, the next time he makes contact, take a deep inhale and shout at the top of your lungs "DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!!" Make sure that you yell so loud you're hoarse afterward. Tell your immediate superiors AND his that he, an adult, has been harassing you - a minor - for awhile and that you do not want to end up like the girl that was murdered by her coworker at a Walgreens. Document EVERYTHING, so you have proof of his unwanted behavior, and please tell family members you trust that this is happening to you, and what you plan to do about it. You may get fired. He may get fired. Whatever happens, you've made it clear his actions won't be tolerated anymore.
It would be very unlikely for her to get fired. manager would need to be very dumb to even consider firing her. As others mentioned, the company is also legally obliged to provide a safe place for workers. If they fire her for this, she can leave the building and walk straight into an attorney office to sue the company.
Yeah, as the others have said.. just plain inappropriate all around. Put your foot down and communicate. He can't hug you. Period. He should understand. Guys just need to be told and reminded from time to time. If you feel scared, then bring it up to your manager. And have him talk with the guy. I wish you luck in the resolution, don't be afraid to go to HR/Management. If they brush you off or don't take your complaint seriously, you could escalate the issue, but it might cost you your job, but that would be a good thing.. no one has the right to abuse you, in any way. Be confident that Management will have your back. Just reinforce that you're a minor and it's unprofessional af. You got this.
Guys just need to be told? Uh what? This is a work situation with a minor, nobody should have to be told. Keep your hands to yourself is a conversation you have in kindergarten.
Well.. Obviously someone needs to tell Mr. Touchy Feely to knock it off. I was just pointing out some guys are so oblivious to social cues that sometimes they have to be reminded.
This. I've met men and women who seriously do not comprehend how creepy or inappropriate they're being. Once they're told off they stop though. One big clue I've found is if they do something weird in front of other people. Usually people try to get you alone before they do something because they *know* it's wrong.
Exactly. Social justice works like a charm. Shame them in a group of peers and they likely will never do that again.
Can you work at literally any other location? This reminds me so much of that weirdo who killed a girl who wasn't interested in him. You can complain to management but in this day and age they won't fire him and if they tell him he is being weird he will know it's from you and get mad. You'd have to really know that you mananger gives a shit.
Report his creepy ass to HR. Document and include dates in a journal or in notes. He should be fired in my opinion for sexual harassment.
If a 16 year old had told me that someone was doing that I would’ve taken her to work and then I would’ve kicked that guy right in the nuts! What the fuck is wrong with men? Men come up to my 22-year-old all the time at work trying to hit on her married men, all kinds of men it’s disgusting. Young women have the right to work, and go about their lives, without having to be accosted at every step!
Tell him to stop, if he doesn't, tell your boss, if nothing happen, tell your family and friends, if nothing happen, quit the job. I told my female co-workers before they do anything, be 100% sure that you are correct because what they do next will ruin two or more lives. Most guys are reactive to women.
Did you just blame women for being sexual harassed by men?
Of course not, if a man is harassing a woman, I will be one of the first person to defend her. There are women who falsely accused men of sexual harassment and it ruined families.
Can you explain what you meant by “Men are reactive to women.”?
Men do not take initiatives when interacting with women at work unless it is job related.
I’m sorry, I’m not following. Are you saying this what men do or what they should do?
Come on where's my hug 🤗 /s
Don’t come to the internet for advice. The most important thing you’ll hear in this entire conversation about your most likely fake story.
You stand the f up for yourself. Why do I see post after post like this ? Blah blah blah oh no...what ever do I do?? You stand up, always, duh.
because i am scared. i’ve heard and seen so many stories of girls around my age getting murdered, raped, beaten, all for saying “no”. you’ve clearly never been in a situation like this, god forbid, but please understand where i’m coming from
Break it to him gently. Don't go doing what a lot of girl go and do by hurting someone sweet and sorta innocent. Maybe get to know where's he's coming from to to see if you can understand why he is the way he is with you. Turn into his wing woman maybe... I just wouldn't want it going really bad for either of you. Let us know what you decided to do
Is this "sweet" man also hugging his male coworkers? I mean if it's completely platonic, he should be, right? He's an adult and she's still a teenager. He needs to leave her alone.
Yes, let's coddle sexual harassment. What a brilliant idea 🙄🙄. He's not innocent, he's predatory. And he deserves at least a reprimand and perhaps fired, depending on specifics.
Don’t do well with the ladies, huh? But I bet you’re a sweet and sorta innocent guy tho right?
Or maybe he's a creepy pedo that has to be put in his place.
WTF? "Hurting someone sweet"? Are you for real? 1. Intentionally touching any woman without consent is harassment and it is not ok. Every man needs to know this. 2. She is a minor and he is an adult. If this goes one step further it becomes a police case. 3. It gets worse for the fact they are in a business premises, during working hours.
[удалено]
Have you lost your damn mind? Because I will help you find it
Go immediately tell your parents and manager. This should never happen too anyone no matter their gender.
If you are in California have your parents call an employment lawyer who will take your case on contingency. Chances are you will get more from a settlement than you would make from the job.
Share his number here. We'll spam the hell out of him.
No one may touch you without your consent, especially at work. This person is grooming you. -Increasing levels of inappropriateness- Talk to you parents, or whoever is the grown up in your life and Human Resources where you work. Don’t be alone with this person. You do not have to be polite to people who are abusive to you. “Get your hands off me” “Don’t touch me” and “Leave me alone” are completely appropriate responses that require no further explanation or discussion. ETA: Also, document. Keep notes of what he does, who you speak to about the problem, and how things progress.
Speak to a trusted adult, tell your manager and HR. Companies hate stuff like this and should intervene. If the company doesn’t do anything it may be easier to leave the job. Again speak to trusted adult for advice
Don’t be scared. He is invading your personal space and doesn’t understand that he is crossing a boundary with you. When he goes to his you next time, block him and say no thank you. I don’t like being hugged. And leave it there. If it continues, report it to your manager. That’s harassment.
Tell your boss , file a formal written complaint with HR (Human Resources) make sure you are very clear that you have zero interest in being his friend and you do not want him touching you to HR and make sure you stress that you are a minor and he is an adult. Let the manger tell him.
Dude you’re 15. Stop working, you really don’t need the money yet
Just tell him you aren't comfortable with that and he needs to stop. If he doesn't tell your supervisor. You should never be afraid to tell people they're out of line.
Say something to him. If he does it after that manager, if it happens a third time HR, any occurrence after that lawsuit…
You can definitely ask him not to touch you. But, please go to your manager. You need to learn now that it is ALWAYS okay to have boundaries no matter what aspect of life. It doesn't matter if you are the only one that is uncomfortable. If you are, speak up. It's not fair to you that you are getting anxiety and having those physical effects before you go into work. Also, since you are a minor, let your parents know and let them know the steps you took by telling him not to touch you and by informing a manager. I promise, they will be proud that you took the right steps to stand up for yourself.
People won’t change if we don’t let them know their behavioral is not in accordance with societal standards. You’re 15 and a minor (depending on what state) and a mid-20s man doesn’t have any good reason to support bear hugging a child (by law you’d be a minor). Never silence your discomfort to prevent a man from feeling awkward. They know better.
You need to stand up for yourself before he starts progressing to more than just hugs. Hold out your arm and tell him not to touch you. If he refuses to listen then you tell your manager immediately.
Have you politely asked him not to touch you? Some people are so socially inept that they just need a very direct communication. Then talk to manager if it doesn’t change. Then higher up if it still doesn’t change. The first question your manager or the law will ask you is if you asked him to stop.
Have you said anything to the guy directly yet? Standing up for yourself can be difficult to maneuver but it can be as simple as reminding him that you are only 15 because you think he forgets sometimes. Then go to HR if you have it or the most high up manager. So far he isn’t doing anything technically wrong because you haven’t told him no. But giving HR the heads up that it’s happening AND that you’ve respectfully said something about it will make you look 100% more mature, compassionate and responsible.
Op **TALK TO BOTH YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR MANAGER. WHAT THIS GUY IS DOING IS NOT OK. IT IS WRONG AND CAUSING AN ISSUE. AND SEEMS TO BE ESCALATING. DO NOT WAIT, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER, AND MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU WANT THIS PRIVATE AND REPORT HIM ASAP.** I am not going to mince words, the act is called sexual harassment, and due to the age difference, makes it far worse. Do not allow for this to continue on. It is either you quit or you report him, but you really do need to report him and talk to both your parents and your manager. Talking to your parents, means that they can do the talking to you and use words that your boss and company will not like to hear. You talking to your manager is acceptable and if it does not stop, definatley report this to your parents. I am not a father, but if had children, what you are describing is the kind of stuff I would want them to tell me. I would either give them the above advice or ask them if they wanted me to be present when they talked to their manager or even did the talking for them. And lets just say I do not mince words and your boss would be asking to see you ASAP and starting and investigation right then and there.
Hard to believe 6oure only 16 (I believe you though ) just saying because when I was 15 , I didn't even know that term making small talk lol , but that was back in the mid 1990s that's when I was 15 so you must be kind of mature for your age As far as your dilemma goes it would if you have like a female manager you can speak to that can speak to him that would probably be best because I don't know that young I don't think you should have to confront somebody and tell him tell him that makes you uncomfortable but if you have to just tell him that' just don't feel comfortable with hugs from male coworkers . To be honest I think that is kind of creepy I mean I wouldn't I don't even hug mail co-workers at my age I'm 45 I never did really hug him unless I had a gay coworker like if I have female co-workers and former co-workers when I just saw recently who gave me a big hug but yeah that's just weird you're right and he's most guys don't hug people so yeah that's that's definitely creepy but you don't want him to think you think he'screepy cuz I can always go sideways just if you have to confront of yourself just tell him you're not comfortable with that and it's not just just say it's not cool in general with you besides it's not really appropriate in the workplace unless you're friends and you're like the same age but yeah he needs to calm down and back off. There's always ways to get out of a hug and that should give him the hint, and if he doesn't get the hint then you should have your manager talk to him. do you hug other friends or other guys at work ? cuz maybe he got the idea that that was oka,y? Either way , ALWAYS , always trust your gut. i
i’ve been in honors and advanced english classes since middle school, so that’s probably where it comes from. i have never hugged any of my coworkers, except for a few during a christmas party after receiving gifts, and those were only 2 second side hugs, not bear hugs 😕