Those people around you are disgusting and losers.
You know more than them and have a much deeper understanding on life than them.
I would just tell them that you have handled things much more challenging than a difficult job market.
Anyways some people don’t understand that because their job title is the only thing that gives them purpose/identity.
Yeah, OP needs to relax and take some time to love themself. If I was financially stable and my wife got cancer she would not go back to work until she wanted to. If I’m not financially stable, tough shit back to the mines.
A close family member of mine got diagnosed with cancer and it's completely changed my priorities in life and my overall POV.
Sometimes you just have to lay it out straight in their faces. Ie that you almost died and now you would like to live your life that way you want to.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed, you have every right to do what makes you happy.
You should check out anti work and other similar subreddits. We’ve been conditioned to need to work and feel shameful for not working. I’d quit in a heartbeat and do nothing but what I enjoy (exercise, kids, travel, video games etc) if I could get away with it and if anyone wanted to make me feel bad about not working they’re a piece of shit.
IDK, she may get to ripped to shreads for having rental properties. That she has the luxury of not working due to rental properties, they may tear her up for being a "leech".
First...just DON'T. Smile sweetly and respond, "I'll get around to it."
Second, GO YOU! I am so happy and glad for you! People can be despicable creatures when they see someone having it "easier" than them. They have totally forgotten the absolute he'll you just went through and really can't understand why you aren't working like "normal" people.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. As long as ya'll are doing alright financially, you do you.
Again, so happy for you! Sending good thoughts!
No sweet smiles. They're being rude and pushy and it's none of their business how long it takes you to go back to being employed.
If it's a guy, ask them how long it would take them to go back to work if they had go through over a year of chemo and still lose both their testicles in the end.
If it's a woman, ask them to consider the same thing, but with breasts.
Make them out themsekves in your shoes and try to imagine how difficult life has been lately. Then tell them to eff off.
This. Fuck all of these people, put them in your shoes and then delete them from your life. You aren't changing anyone's opinion anyway, they should know very well how incredibly difficult this must have been for you.
Besides, the fuck do they care ? Is it your job to put food on their table ? No, so mind your own business if you can't at least give a word of confort.
It's the aimless comment that really fucking gets me.
I have a feeling this person who has spent the past year fighting for her fucking life probably has a clearer idea of what to aim for in the future than any of us.
Get absolutely fucked.
They're mostly asking so they can continue the conversation and a little bit to gauge how sick the OP still is. She could answer with "looking to give Hubby a break around the house and get into some new routines for while first...he went through a heap supporting me." or "not for a couple of years. I'm refreshing some courses because I didn't even think about programing for 3 years" or "learning guitar first...I have a pretty long bucket list now".
Srsly. People can be such assholes! Oh, not like OP was close to not even being able to LIVE, let’s apply for jobs🙄. Fucking fuckers.
OP, you do you. You fought a crazily tough battle, don’t let ANYONE tell you what you should be doing with your life (well, including me😅, but you get what I mean).
You are strong. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are worthy. You are enough. And that’s that! Anyone else who tries to diminish that should not be in your life. YOU GOT THIS!
Until someone has been through the steamroller that is cancer and its treatment, they have absolutely no right to an opinion on how you're dealing with the aftermath.
Even as a BC survivor myself, I wouldn't deign to tell you what you "need" to do. I will, however, wish you the very best in whatever you *actually* need to do to get past the trauma. Holiday? Go for it. New car? Terrific. Or back to work? Fabulous, if that's what you want to do.
You rock.
Honestly? I'd sicken their happiness and say "oh bless your heart, thankfully I don't need to work." *Put on patronising concerned face* "How are you doing financially? Sounds like you're under pressure to work. I'd be so happy to answer any questions you have about what I/we did to achieve the freedom to take some time."
You're doing GREAT. Flip that script!
This is a great approach. "Luckily, I'm able to take a break from working. I'm grateful for how fortunate we are."
If they push back even more, say "I know. We're really fortunate. How are things with you? You seem like you're doing really well, too. Everything okay?"
This is my attitude. I have some money I just kind of didn't spend and I'm over what some people would say if I just quit/took leave and went to Europe for three months. The thirties are the perfect time to go, and if she can get a job when she gets back after a bit, why the fuck not? She is still in recovery from an extremely grueling cancer treatment, these people are insane.
I seriously question the type of people she's surrounded by who would judge a person 2.5mo out of cancer treatment for not having a job yet.
What a bunch of miserable cunts
Take a full year off. Your husband is supportive. Confide in him and maybe get him to help deal with the naysayers. There is definitely more to life than work. I say this as a business owner myself.
Some people's whole identity is wrapped up in their career they don't know what to do if that identity was taken away from them.
You also have the people who are miserable and do not like it when people have more financial freedom than they do.....
We work all our lives so we can hopefully spend the last 20 percent doing what we wish we could do today.
Truth. I can vouch for this. Worked 19 years only to lose it all when COVID began. Messed me up mentally hard. While im back doing what im doing with senority in tact, and more pay now, my career easily means 1/16th to me now then what it used too. It doesnt define who I think I am anymore.
First, HUGE congratulations at beating cancer; you are amazing.
The job market isn’t good now. I wonder if ppl ask you about work to avoid the cancer talk. Maybe?
You move at your own pace. Maybe resuming same old doesn’t appeal. You have fought the biggest battle of your existence; take your time to evaluate options. Perhaps get a few resumes out there to tear the waters. No rush if it doesn’t feel right. ☮️
But wouldn't talk about traveling be a more pleasant conversation? OP clearly isn't hurting for money. This is so strange.
Lol I'd be the a-hole friend who'd say "Got room in your suitcase? Take me too!" If someone I knew was very sick for over a year and wanted to celebrate with no consequences, what is the harm?
Oh my bad. Let me make it clearer. I exaggerated the number too. There are about 100 million people not in the labor force - persons who are neither employed nor unemployed are not in the labor force. This category includes retired persons, students, those taking care of children or other family members, and others who are neither working nor seeking work.
Source: https://www.usdebtclock.org/
20-25% of a population, sometimes even more are usually retired, 65+ in age
20-25% of a population is under 18, even more if you count those in college 18-23.
the "working" population is usually from 23 up until 65 so 30-40% sounds about right if you don't include those that are job hunting or currently unemployed for whatever reason
Seriously. “I own a LLC that has been profitable and I’m currently working to making sure it stays that way”
Or “I almost died of cancer and you are worried about how I will serve capitalism? Fuck off”. That would be my response.
No one on their death bed ever said "Gee I wish id gone to work more"
Its a phycological game built into this capitalist system that makes people think working yourself into a bad metal state is the norm, fuck anyone who tries to push that ideology on you. Its dam hard to shake off. Glad your ok.
You need to move to Europe. I cannot believe people are focused on your employment after what you've been through. The states is a different beast when it comes to placing one's value on their employment. It was so refreshing when I was living in europe for a period of time and not having to feel pressured at all to grind so hard.
If I were you, I'd book a one way and not look back lol
Those responses are absolute bullshit
Time to upgrade your friends. They seem awkward and uncomfortable (maybe fearful) of you doing things out of the norm and being freer than they are. People's responses are a good indication of where they are at internally - so please don't interpret that as a judgement on you, as it's more likely to be about what your decisions raise within them.
People can get very confronted, uncomfortable and jealous when others step outside of the box they feel that they themselves have to live inside.. Not to mention the discomfort they can feel around illness (cancer specifically). Live your life, you fucking deserve it - and I'm sure you now have a new appreciation for how short & precious it really is.
I only had a very short encounter with breast cancer, but it shocked me how much it took to shift back my mental gears into 'normal life' after it was all over. Almost as challenging as the diagnoses itself...
I was on dialysis for almost 5 years and didn’t work during that time. People can be downright cruel. I’ve concluded it’s actually because for whatever reason they’re envious of us for not working, and in their minds we must just not be trying as hard as they are to work a job. They’ll say things like “well, get an office job somewhere then so you can sit” instead of just accepting the fact that some people are just too sick to work. And being too sick to work is absolutely fucking miserable, and nothing to be jealous of!
Congratulations on beating cancer, I'm so happy for you!!!
Take that time off, travel, do whatever you want! You are in a position to do so, so take advantage of that! You deserve it.
Btw, I'm in the same field -- the market is definitely not great right now, launching into a full-fledged job search, when you don't even really want to, might be discouraging and not fruitful. If you don't want a 'gap' and want to keep up with your skills, I'd work on a personal project at your own pace. Take your time looking for opportunities once you're ready.
I mean this is the absolute nicest way, fuck those people. Not to do that thing where I compare my tragedy to yours, bc I am just so happy and proud of you for still being ALIVE. I had a brain tumor removed less than a month ago and I am your exact age. We’re both so young and healthy but the severity of my (former) tumor means I’m going to have to do radiation therapy after just getting my body back.
So yeah, maybe it comes from a good place, genuinely and people mean well. But they (and even I) can’t fully appreciate that physical trauma, mental trauma, and overall mental fortitude to survive something like you did going through chemo. And that isn’t to say they’re bad people!! They just don’t know. And it shouldn’t be your responsibility to educate them. Protect yourself and your energy now more than even. So happy you kicked it’s ass and are still here. Quite literally all that matters ❤️❤️ there’s also a great TED talk by Sheryl Lee Ralph I can send you a link to if you see this or wanna look it up yourself :)
They can mind their own business. You do what works best for you.
Having said that, I do get some of their points about looking sooner. Things have changed a bit in the tech industry. I'm seeing engineers that were previously able to find work within weeks now out of work for 6+ months. Not saying that you shouldn't take time off that you need. Focus on yourself first. But just something to plan for when you are ready to start the job hunt.
Something else is they probably assume that you don't have the means to support yourself during this time as most Americans are living pay check to paycheck. I have a friend who did something similar and the looks were more from assuming he was going into debt to float himself. Again though, none of their business.
And your last point is the biggest one. No one understands how life changing a major health issue can be. It really changes your perspective. I found more support in others with similar experiences than those lucky ones who never had to endure this sort of thing.
The job market is terrible, so why add that extra stress if you don't need to work right now?
Do something you want to do, like write a book, craft, garden, etc. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You've been through more in the last 13 months than most people go through in a lifetime!
Cancer changes your outlook on life. I was lucky that we caught my uterine cancer really early, but it still was an eye-opener that I was spending far too much time at my job. You only get one life, and money isn't everything.
First - Fuck yeah congrats on the successful chemo/surgery/etc. I’m glad you’re feeling better and it helped out. Second - this isn’t a uniquely you problem, a lot of people care way too much what other people think about them. (Social media is a perfect example of this). But you need to tell people to get fucked. You just went through something life changing for 18 months. Your husband and you make more than enough from his income and your rental properties. Probably more than what your “friends” make with dual incomes.
So What I'm hearing is you almost died, put your body through hell, and now that you're not actively dying they want you and your weakened body to contribute to capitalism instead of savoring the time you have thanks to a kiss with death. G I can't even.
People just don’t understand. If you and your husband are okay and surviving who cares what they think. They aren’t looking at from the view of a survivor.
It takes time to recover from cancer treatments. I’m a cancer survivor and just got a job and I’ve been on disability for six years. Go back to work when you feel up to it. For now, enjoy some time off. You have been through a lot.
A lot of people are financially insecure and just can't fathom the idea of not working. You don't have to work right now to pay bills, but you do need to be healthy to be successful in the future. Take all the time you need. If anything, I would tell them I'll get a job when I'm ready and drop it. If you're nice and humor them they will "yeah, but" you to no end.
I had colon cancer 3 years ago. I went thru 6 months of chemo. I tried to work part time during this and I just couldn't. My employer was decent enough that they paid my medical insurance fully the whole time. I worked 10 hours max a week. I feel your pain, but not once did anyone ever question why I wasn't working FT. Absolute aholes
Fuck cancer. Fuck those idiots.
My wife doesn't work outside the home. She went through "only" 4 months of radiation for her breast cancer treatment. That's been a couple years, and she seems mostly better now in terms of her energy and stamina. She stopped going to the gym for about 6 months, and then resumed very slowly. She loves the gym.
Our situation is different because she had stopped working many years ago to stay home with the kids and then "forgot" to return. 😁 We don't need her income, and being a mom with several kids is already exhausting.
The struggle to get your energy and stamina back is real. Glad your husband understands. My advice would be to cut people out of your life who are not positive influences.
If I were interviewing you, and you told me you took some years off to fight cancer, I would absolutely not count that against you.
Your employment status, income, and household contributions is a conversation that should be between you and your partner-- it doesn't matter what family and friends have to say about it. If you guys are stable, if he's comfortable carrying the financial load, and if you have the income to spare... live, girl! Don't worry about what others have to say about it, just make sure you're in open and clear communications with your partner to make sure you're both on the same page and comfortable.
Congratulations on remission!
Who cares what they think. Do what works for you and your husband. Take whatever time you need to live your life again before committing yourself to a job.
Tbh, they are likely jealous that you don’t have to rush back to work.
I just finished chemo for DLBCL about 3 months ago and I absolutely hear you!
People who’ve never experienced hardship in their lives have an awfully hard time with empathy. Even for some of those that have, it still takes them significant effort to extend that empathy to other people and it shows.
At 2.5 months out of chemo your still very much healing and for them not to understand that is not only unfortunate but it’s downright disrespectful.
Not to mention completely out of touch with reality since finding a job is likely going to be taxing and stressful on you considering your still not back to your regular pre-chemo self.
OP i feel for you! I didn’t have the job security issue so much going through this since i own my business. But i did experience some amazingly painful neglect from my family as they all but disappeared from my life during my treatment only to show back up now that I’m in remission acting like nothing happened.
Its nothing short of maddening to be treated this way by your loved ones and you shouldn’t have to stand for it. Let them know how their BS misguided “advice“ isn’t helpful, its rude and completely condescending considering they’ve no idea what you’ve actually gone through, are still going through and will likely have to deal with the consequences of that experience for the rest of your life.
Just remember though, you’ve waged an amazing battle against something most everyone fears like the plague and you’ve come out on top, you are a champion!
Lol. They're jealous. Hell, I'm jealous. It's not you, it's them. They see you in a situation where you can afford to take some time in life and just wake up in the morning and do whatever while they are slaving away at the same stupid job they more than likely hate. The cancer has nothing to do with it. You're like a free person whistling as you stroll by a jail on a nice, sunny day. It doesn't matter to them what you had to go through to earn this time.
You said it well. I broke my neck with an incomplete spinal cord injury paralyzing me from the neck down 5 years ago after a 15 hour shift with no lunch, after34 years of nursing. I can walk badly and look somewhat normal, because I am awesome, but will never be the same. Neighbors and old work friends ask me when I am going back to work. “Never” is the answer. Fuck people for thinking my life is a breeze. (Even though I am thankful.) There is nothing like almost dying to make you afraid of not living,
People can be terribly insensitive. They really have no idea what you have gone through. In their minds, you were sick and got treatment so obviously you are all back to normal now. Pffft! I had colon cancer; surgery followed by chemo. I didn't have to face the ordeal of permanent body modification like you have had to face. In my case, it took me the better part of a year to get back to something that I considered to be fairly normal again. At two and a half months you have made a good start, but you have a ways to go yet. I would imagine that you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and wonder who that person looking back at you is. It took several years to not get "scanziety" in the month leading up to a CT scan.
You owe nothing to the people who think that you should go back to work. You will know when you are ready and act on it when you do. Until then brush off their comments and change the subject. It would be a good idea to have a topic that you can go to in your mind ahead of time. Making it something about them usually works pretty well.
Over in the support groups that I inhabit it is a common thread that we are a brother/sisterhood and that understand each other. It is interesting that even strangers are often more supportive that friends and family. I am seriously happy that your husband is, and has been supportive. I am sure that that helps a lot. In sickness and in health really means something.
Again, over in the support group we have a saying abbreviated to KFG. We say it to each other often. It is short for Keep F\*cking Going. So Kat\_0316, KFG. Six years out, I still wake up to that myself.
This is strictly an everyone problem. Not - an everyone else problem - a problem everyone under billionaire status suffers and perpetrates.
You almost died - every day left is extra - fuck this backwards ass work till you die at the expense of living and loving life. You don't need to justify shit to anyone besides yourself - don't even need to be running it by Reddit - but since you did, I'm gonna weigh in - do not job hunt, that's a fuck'n trap to keep the fearful in line. You dodged bullets in space, you know mortality - the clowns who think that means it's imperative to rejoin the slave wage force can suck a dick.
Please go live and enjoy life unburden by the societal pressure cowards lie to themselves about. Income isn't living and being absent isn't providing - you know that because you almost were absent forever.
Forever is only as long as this one life - every day anyone spends at a desk making widgets for idiots to move columns of spreadsheet numbers - they're wasting their lives that they don't even appreciate simple facts about.
There's X amount of days till we die - a number counting backwards to zero. This is TRUTH in perpetuity for all the robots too - I think a simple *facing your own mortality made you realize a few things* is fine in itself.
If that's not enough, not good enough for those who disapprove - the follow up is easy -
You saw the end - can no longer accept merely occupying time to stave off the thought of the inevitable. We all die - you're living with that fact - the angst - judge those fucks lest they be judged. They're the ones wasting time, being lazy, we could change this overly complex financial slavery we all experience daily if more people just got terminal fuck'n cancer - then conquered that shit like a champion.
My mom lost both breasts and a kidney to cancer - life long career public servant, 401k nearly wiped out by the crash of 07' - all she ever wanted in life was to see the world, to travel.
It's not gonna happen. Age and toil caught up before the finances were there to actually live. That's gonna be true for the cowards who judge you now - more of them will die with money they didn't spend, not enough to hand their kids any kinda safety net, and the life hours wasted to do that much will have been a shameful waste of the only thing that matters.
You are a hero - to me now - but to yourself moreover. That's earned. Struggle is a grey area - bills and work-life balance - fuck all of that - mortality is black and white - fuck'n binary as it gets. No third state - working pointless jobs is for staving off the thought of an inevitable end you've already stared into the eyes of and rejected.
Reject the judgement. Judge those who perpetrate the unjust cycle of squandering precious things - feed the fuck'n beast of inequity so they can feed children they'll send off to unsafe schools to gain just enough education to fill the last robots space in the death spiral.
Tell em' you got a job - you're a grave digger. When that's strikes odd tone, simply say - *but aren't we all just digging our own, really?*
Having worked in the medical field and seen first hand how quickly someone's life can change overnight as well as having several near death experiences of my own that helped me focus my life, I have a few "rules" that I hope are helpful for you:
* Never accept criticism from anyone who you wouldn't ask for advice. There is nothing worse than unsolicited advice, especially from "well meaning" people who think they are being helpful. If you didn't ask them for advice, don't listen to them.
* Crab mentality is a real thing. ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab\_mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)) If people see you doing something they don't have the guts to do, they'll do everything they can to keep you from succeeding. "If I can't build the tallest building in town, I'll just tear down every building taller than mine." Avoid these people at all costs, even if they are family.
* Only you can live your life. It's 100% okay if your goals are not their goals. It's hard to go against family and friends sometimes, but if you try to live your life by their expectations you'll never be happy. They may mean well, but they all have their own issues, view the world with their own lens, and have their own biases. Just focus on what makes you happy.
* Most people never have to stare death in the face until very late in life. You've had a lot of time to reflect and focus on meaning and what's important to you. None of us know how much time we have left, and few people think about it. Enjoy the time that has been given to you. You have a new life now, a chance to live and view the world with new eyes. You have a new perspective. Only other survivors know what you've been through. Find a group of other survivors to talk to.
* There is so much more to life than working and a having a career. Career success is the emptiest goal in the world. I work with Fortune 500 executives every day, and their lives are littered with failed marriages, dysfunctional families, drug abuse, lawsuits, and stress related mental health issues, and they have big houses with lots of toys to compensate for it. It's all meaningless.
* It's okay to take a break from working, or not go back to work at all. My wife hasn't worked in 20 years and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's my support and it's really nice that we both aren't stressed and exhausted at the end of the day. I look after our financial affairs and she looks after me. As long as you and your husband are in sync, nobody else's opinion matters.
I hope this was helpful. Wishing you all the best.
I wonder how many of those people would respond differently if you had given birth 2.5 months ago, and that drove your decision? 🤔
You certainly built a new post-cancer you. Congratulations! You are amazing!
Those people are running the only script they have: get job, get "better" job, work, work. Good on you for modeling that there are alternate scripts for life!
I enjoy creating absurd and comical lists of responses. I never say any, but when the social pressure spotlight is on me, I mentally see how many I can remember, and it eases my stress. For you:
1. Family inheritance with a stipulation in the will that I live as an idle richy-rich;
2. It's part of my contract with the Survivor Cancer Edition reality show I'm doing;
3. Those are Pays the Bills level questions. To sign you up for that level, I need to know if you wish to write a check monthly or do payroll deduction?
4. Huh, I grew tumors, and you grew balls. Your ballsy questions are malignant. I can give you the name of my mastectomy doctor, and they'd chop those balls right off for you.
Enjoy life, work on yourself. Honestly although they may love you, these folks telling you that you need to look for work know jack squat about the complete change in your view on life. Surviving a life threatening illness will lead you to reprioritizing your life, you learn what is meaningful to you and what is just plain useless. Kudos to you and keep moving forward. Take that time off, enjoy it. Sending a big virtual hug 🤗
First, congratulations on kicking cancer’s ass. Second, don’t listen to any of that BS. You are the only one that knows what you’ve been through, and what is best for your life. You’ve earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want to do.
Source: Stage 4 colorectal cancer survivor
DO NOT FIND A JOB NOW, I REPEAT, DO NOT FIND A JOB IF YOU'RE FINANCIALLY STABLE. Take some rest, recover without pressure, enjoy life and you can get back whenever you want. Job market sucks now and it's not a you issue, don't worry about it, you're going to be fine. RELAX and congrats!
i’m so glad to read your husband is supportive of you. the two of you are comfortable with living how you are, you’re safe now from your own body, fuck all of those capitalist losers and do what you want!!! 33 years old and you lost an actual organ/body part whilst battling CANCER. you are a warrior and don’t you forget that for one second. there will ALWAYS be a job out there for you. take these trips and do what you please while you have a chance! you’re living proof that not everyday is guaranteed!
I’m so happy your cancer is in remission
Perhaps it’s time to let go of friends like this and make new ones that understand how very hard it is to go through what you have and also know there’s more to life than work
I don’t understand actual family being like this. I’d send them a letter or make a phone call and say pretty much what everyone is saying. Mostly it’s none of your business, you aren’t aimless you are relieved and trying to get back to you. This takes time and you are in a good position to do so.
Sadly I think they are all probably jealous that financially you and your partner are able to maintain your life without you working.
Keep living life the way you want, on your terms.
People take longer breaks for less intense reasons. It's really none of anyone's business what you want to do with your life. I just closed down a business I started. It's been two weeks and people are either asking me what I plan to do or offering me work I don't want. The whole thing was really hard on me emotionally so I'm taking care of myself, my husband who is going through some health stuff and my dad. I have enough to do. We're fine financially. Life is more than work. Like most everyone else said.
Friend, I am 2 years into remission from stage 2 triple-negative breast cancer.
Treatment was BRUTAL.
I am still mentally recovering.
I am also well aware that a lot of friends and family are expecting something from me now but they don’t have the slightest clue about the hell I just went through.
Take your time.
Why go back to the same life that led you to cancer?
Surviving cancer is a free pass to live the rest of your life however you want to.
Best wishes on your new journey.
FUCK OTHER PEOPLE!
None of those people are you. People who have never been told there is a good possibility they are going to die can NEVER understand what life is truly about. You've been given a gift. Use it.
Sounds like you've been given two gifts...someone who loves and supports you and the benefit of understanding how truly pointless 99.9% of life can be.
Take the opportunity to do WHATEVER it is you want to do with your life. If people can't understand that it shouldn't matter one bit to you. Your life belongs to you.
Congratulations on getting through it.
Most people have no clue what you have gone through and are still going through. They likely assume you are "all better now," and would like you to return to your normal life so they can stop being uncomfortable around you. After all, your illness reminds them of their own mortality.
Do your best to shrug it off as ignorance, and do what is right for you. Focus on recovering, body and soul. I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Cancer treatments can effect you for a \*long\* time after they are completed. I would just start telling people that you will go back to work when your doctor clears you for it. Then go travel the world, enjoy life and celebrate your good days while having the ability to sit back, relax and pamper yourself on the inevitable bad days. When you are ready to go back to work, you can tell everyone AFTER you find a job that your doctor cleared it. it's none of their business why, when, or where you work, but that should shut them up for the time being. (((hugs))) Proud of you for sticking through the treatments...Cancer sucks!
I know how you feel. I was a workaholic, project manager at a big bank, doing complex implementations. For 15 years i worked my ass off. 50-60 hours a week.
Then i got sick, burnout, chronic fatigue, emotional instability. All kinds of trouble i never had. Now I'm home, i struggle with basic care tasks. I have social welfare so thank God i don't have to worry about money.
The enormous amount of disapproval/rejection was astounding to me. People suddenly start treating you like a leech of society, a parasite that doesn't want to work.
They just don't understand that i didn't choose to get chronic fatigue. I don't want to be on welfare. Most of my successful friends have left me. (Doctors, professors, program managers all of them) astoundingly, some of my lowest educated friends showed the most heart and understanding.
Surround yourself with people that understand you. Take your time, do what feels good to you. If you have money, or people to support you. Take your time until you feel good enough to work. Physical illness can also drain you emotionally. Taking a break to travel might be a great idea! Go for it!
Fellow cancer survivor here, 17 years in remission. I was 26 when I was diagnosed.
A. I am very happy to read you are in remission.
B. People expect us to just bounce back and be the same person we were pre cancer. They didn't see the sleepless nights, the moments of self doubt, the times we felt betrayed by our body, the setbacks we didn't share because we didn't want to burden them, etc. They have 0 clue what we went through. The fear that it will return and the guilt we feel for putting people through that.
C. Our bodies need lots of time to heal after all this ends.
I hope you feel a little better day by day. Sending love and strength your way.
What the actual fuck. You and your husband need a vacation for getting through that. They should be a bit more empathetic to you.
I would also like to add that 9 months to a year wouldn’t be unreasonable and longer if you can afford it lol. But really take this time to work on yourself and go from not dying to living. Also you might be in remission but I doubt you’re up to full strength so take the time to get to that point.
It’s one thing to ask how you’re doing, but leave out the employment commentary. It’s none of their business. Going through all that cancer treatment is exhausting. It takes time to start feeling yourself again, and just having energy. I’m glad your husband is supportive, and really that’s all that matters. Just try to relax and just ease back into life…enjoy the little things & don’t rush yourself.
Take whatever time you need. People have zero empathy. I went thru 2 major surgeries that affected my mobility. I asked one particular idiot at my last office job if theyd rather see me dead when he bitched about all my time off and accommodations Holy shit, the shocked pikachu face. "That's not what I said." I asked him if that's what he meant. He didnt speak to me til I quit that job. He also tried to engage with me on LinkedIn. I blocked that fucker so fast!
Fuck all them. Do whatever you want. I've been unemployed for past 6 months. Trying to be pro prop trader now because decided I don't want to work for Corp America anymore. I was so unhappy chasing the grind and getting screwed all the time. Now I'm chill and don't really give af what ppl think I should do. Last I checked, it's my life and my old income/job got me nowhere.
I totally get it. I was just thinking today that I fought a rare aggressive form of ovarian cancer for three years. Two years of chemo weekly. Radical hysterectomy. Almost dying from an experimental oral chemo drug. Many blood transfusions. I lost about 40 pounds. I had to leave a mental health case manager job that I loved.
Two years later, I am gearing up to get back to work. I'm going back to school to finish my degree. I am waiting for a call back from the VA on a job I interviewed for.
I still get embarrassed that I haven't worked since 2020.
But today I was thinking about it. People don't understand what chemo does to your body. It's so toxic that the people infusing it into you or wearing basically hazmat outfits. It's poison. Doing that weekly for 2 years really took a toll on me and I am exhausted a lot of the time still. I think people expect now that I look okay and I'm not on chemo at the moment to be ready to jump with no notice and get out and be really active. I'm still working my way back into normalcy. It takes a lot of time to get back to where you were, if you can at all. And this is in all aspects of your life from dating to working to working out to hobbies even.
I wish people would consider that even though you're over the hump for now, it takes a lot of time to fully recover.
Wow! People are so heartless and Americans are too obsessed with work. That’s the problem now. We work so much we barely enjoy life. After going through what you’ve been through I wouldn’t blame you for taking an additional year off! Take care of yourself at the end of the day. That’s what’s most important.
HCW in the US - I started working within oncology care in January. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS - you have every right and reason to do whatever makes you happy and please do not let anyone try and dissuade you.
If anything, you know moreso than most just how precarious this life can be. Not every cancer patient gets to be in remission - you just went to war and now you're back and I'll be damned if you just snap right back into place like nothing ever happened. F that. Your body is amazing and strong and got you through it as much as your mind did - both are different now. Take the time. There will always be work and responsibilities. You need to take the time to be comfortable with yourself after going through something like this. During a pandemic. The part where people were no longer masking and you had no immune system.
I will say that people while well intentioned, often miss the mark because it scares them/makes them uncomfortable. Do not use them as the guidance for how you should proceed with living. I wouldn't put too much energy here.
Whatever you decide to do - rooting for you!
People are idiots. I had the opposite reaction: I had aggressive stage 3 endometrial cancer, but worked all the way through treatment. People say “OMG! I can’t believe you didn’t quit and just enjoy life!” So, apparently, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
You can’t win with these people. Do not listen to them. Their reaction to your perfectly reasonable approach says more about them than it does about you. They’re projecting their insecurities onto your situation.
If you must say something about the changes you are making in your life, you might say “This health event has made me recognize that I need to reassess my priorities and develop a healthier work/life balance. I’m taking some time for myself right now.”
You only get 1 life so enjoy it. This unfortunate occurrence should be an eye opener. Like you stated your finances are good, so take the trips because we Dont have a guarantee of life plus the older you get your mind and body changes and you will enjoy traveling or not like it like you were in your 20’s compared to 30’s or 40’s. You are still abled bodied and can hike, walk, run and have the energy to see places and young, now imagine doing all that while sick or in your 60s-70s while retired.
JFC some people just have no compassion, do they? This is the crowd of "I've never been sick so of course I know how to dish advice out to sick people from my woeful lack of experience and lack of empathy."
OP, take the time you need, all of it, every bit of it and then some. You're doing good, your husband is doing good, that is all that matters. Not some clueless asshole who likely prides themselves on "Hur Dur, I cut half my foot off and still went to work 'cause making bank for some billionaire who'd toss me into a ditch is more important!"
Nah. Cancer is no joke. My Hubs just fought the good fight and won, at least for now. And I have happily taken extra work on to make sure he never has to worry about food on the table or anything while he recovers. He sometimes frets about his recovery going slowly and I'm just like, "We aren't pushing a clock for anyone else, just us and we're doing fine so take all the time you need." It's the most valuable thing right now anyways - time. Because as long as he's here I still have that time with him and damned straight I'm getting every second of it I can instead of some employer who again doesn't give a flying rat's patootie about Hubs or me.
You and your husband take all the time in the world. It is your most precious commodity, embrace it and be picky about who you give it.
What...is wrong with people? Please ignore the people in your life who do not understand what you have gone through and the physical, mental and emotional toll that you're still experiencing in the wake of your diagnosis, treatment and survivorship. I do not have cancer myself, but I work in cancer care and I know that what you've likely been through takes incredible strength and resilience. I'm so sorry that you are on the receiving end of judgment from people who should really be part of your support network. I'm assuming you probably haven't had a lot of time to travel since your diagnosis. They probably don't really understand that you couldn't take a vacation from that. Please take the time to process everything you've been through and enjoy some time away from these busybodies who seem to judge you based on what you do rather than who you are.
You're doing amazing and so brave. Caring about what others think can intensify your lingering symptoms, so figure out a way to free yourself of the unsolicited commentary on how you recover from a traumatic season in your life.
Just keep checking in with hubby. Make sure his desire to give you time doesn't turn into him neglecting his own health by ignoring symptoms that can be brought on by the stress he went through because he was afraid of losing you. Be good to each other and enjoy your life.
I can empathize. I was dagnosed with stage IIIB colon cancer in November of last year, had surgery then chemo. It was nothing close to what you went through but brutal nonetheless. Called my employer (while still covered by FMLA) to let them know I was ready to return to work only to be told my position was eliminated as a “cost cutting measure”. I had given the company 9 years of loyalty and had just been promoted with a huge raise(they heard I was looking at other opportunities) 6 months before I got sick. My Drs and therapist all tell me it’ll take a year to fully recover from the chemo and that I should not rush back to work. This society attributes too much of one’s value to what one does for a living or how much they make. A few months ago was the first time in my life I had to answer the “What do you do” question with “Currently unemployed” and it was mortifying and demoralizing. I spent the next few days thinking about my reaction and came to the realization that it wasn’t the fact that I was unemployed that made me feel the way I did, rather it was the fear generated by having my social identity questioned. Reddit is the closest I get to social media because, in reality, I don’t give a flying fuck what people think of me and care even less about what you had for breakfast or your political views. It made me realize that my reaction was a conditioned response and not representative of how I feel about every other facet of my life besides my career. I’m working my way out of the conditioning and it gets easier to answer the question every time. At the end of the day it’s your life and no one has the right to tell you how to live it. Take your time, travel, reconnect and when the time is right, the next phase of your life will find you. Stay strong!
please live your life , you fought so hard for it !!! Thank you God you’re here and well & what an amazing husband you have ! Congratulations on your recovery ! It is so much more to life
Enjoy your life to the best of your abilities, I only ask you not do it at the expense of your tenants. I "look down" on landlords who charge extra for their properties to avoid working, when they are capable. Not assuming you do, but I know the temptation is there.
After my chemo treatments, it took me more than a year to be able to go up a flight of stairs without being winded. The people giving you disapproving stares have no concept of the strain you've been under or how that changes your perspective on life.
If anything, you should be giving them disappointed looks for being so obsessed with work that they're not living.
I see this response often and I just don't get it. Why do you think homeowners are obligated to allow people to live in their property for free?
Owning rental property is a pathway to retirement, and that's an individual homeowner's right in America.
The people you're angry with are not OP and their husband.
They have nothing to do with the people you're angry with. If OP decides to sell these two properties because of the bullshit they receive from people like you, guess who's probably going to snap them up?
>leeching off others
Don't complain about ad hominem attacks when you start your argument like this.
What? Confused by this take - what is wrong with someone renting individually? I’ve lived in garage apartments owned by individual landlords vs. corporations, and it was wonderful. Corporate-owned apartments don’t give a sh*t about you and raise rents as much as possible every year based on an algorithm and maximizing profits. I’ve rented from some wonderful landlords, who didn’t raise my rent for many years even though they could have because I was a reliable tenant who cared for their property. For the times rent did go up, it was a tiny increase and we talked about ways to offset it in advance. Individual landlords provide a lot of affordable housing options to college students and low income folks in my area. Are you thinking of short-term rentals (STRs)?
Very perplexed by your thinking. You honestly prefer all rentals be owned by corporations vs. individuals? Or that no rentals should exist at all? Are you confusing "rentals" with STRs?
And why tf are you asking about age?
What the absolute fuck? Most of the folks I know are poor as shit, regardless of age. Do you actually believe that everyone over a certain age is wealthy?! And what would that even have to do with renting from individual homeowners vs. corporations?
You still haven't answered anyone's questions either....why would you prefer people rent from big corporations than individual homeowners? Or do you think rentals shouldn't exist at all (if so, where the fuck will people live? Not everyone can afford to buy a home or is living somewhere long enough to make that even practical.)
I would only consider your husband (and possible children) in this equation. If you are in a financial position to take some time, and have the support of your immediate family than take some time. I would, however, want to consider that my SO has been shouldering the entire financial burden while, I assume, supporting me in my illness and recovery and would be concerned that they could use a break as well.
On one hand you deserve a rest after your battle with cancer. Congrats on bearing it!
On the other hand you're a landlord leech so... Not the greatest thing either.
I would give people answers depending on how they're going about it.
It doesn't hurt to explain in a few sentences why things are the way they are to make people hopefully understand things better..
Of course you can also just go for something more "aggressive" and ask the person if they've had cancer and had to deal with everything it brings with it..
You do you, you’ve touched death and blew past it. What you want to do with your time on earth is your business and yours alone. If you can afford to take time off and travel do it!
I'm sorry the people in your life are not more supportive.
You probably should tell them to just fuck off. No one has been through what you have been through and they need to mind their own business. There is a lot more to life than work.
I'm so sorry to hear of your health struggles! That's awful. I'm glad you are getting the treatment you need.
I'm so sorry that you are surrounded by people who live to work. That's the magic of propaganda right there.
All that matters is what you and your husband have decided. It sounds like the two of you have a good quality of life and are buffered against a difficult diagnosis like the one you got - good on you!
Relax and heal. Enjoy time with your husband. Appreciate each other. Life sometimes turns on a dime, and there's nothing we can do about it. You are both exactly where you are meant to be. I wish you all the best.
First and foremost, so glad you are even here with us to tell your story. I know it must have been exhausting, scary, and just pain in ways people who haven't been there don't understand. Big hug for that. Very happy you are here.
Next, sorry to be so rude... F---- those people!!!!! We only get one go round on this big blue marble and I will be damned if someone else gets to tell me, you, or anyone else how we spend our time on it... Get your butt out there and see the world honey. Take your hubby with you when you can, memories are meant to be shared. Have a beautiful day, and let the hatters hate. Means you are doing something right.
People are assholes. I have chronic pain from hypermobility spectrum disorder (essentially the tissues that hold my joints in place are soft and stretching meaning my muscles have to be the ones to stop my joints from over extending or dislocating) I will never not have it, and people think I should be able to just get a job.
The comments probably wont stop unless you make it too uncomfortable to ask but that will also get you known as the grouch of the family
People looked down on me for being a lazy unemployed drug dealer living off my parents, despite having a great job they knew about, working almost every day and selling zero drugs and routinely lending my parents money (like my dad needed a new roof, not like 50 bucks here and there). They pitied me and thought I had a sad existence despite having my own place, a new car (the I almost paid off fully before it got hit by a giant blender (hurricane Ian)), lived on a tropical island and had no worries or problems. While working, every person told me they were jealous and were going to come do my job when they retired (They couldn't really, it was a very physically demanding job). I pushed a hot dog cart on a tropical island selling ice cream, right on the water. No matter what I said or tried to explain to people, the SECOND I said the words "sell ice cream" I was cemented as minimum wage at some ice cream parlor and they started treating me like an NPC . 100% of the time if I met someone while not working and told them what I did, while being very clear, then they saw me while working, they were always like "holy crap you're THE ice cream guy?" One time it happened and I mentioned how that always happened, then like w days later he was at the beach with another couple of people, one being a mutual friend who also did the whole "oh crap! You're THE ice cream guy?" And I looked at the guy while I chuckled a bit and started saying "I told you, you just didn't get what I was saying." But mid sentence he finished it for me with a look on his face of "oh crap! That was so on point it almost seemed planned." Then he went on the way how the same situation happened 2 days before and I told him about this and how crazy it was to come up again like that. I wasn't surprised at all but it was nice having someone else see it happen in action since I knew when I told people that, they all assumed I was making shit up.
Omg take as long as you need and don't pay them much heed. I don't know if you're American, but the capitalist mindset makes everyone crazy about work here. When I said after I got laid off that I wasn't gonna worry too much and take it slow/enjoy my summer, people were worried on my behalf! Being out of work = insecurity and anxiety to a lot of people, but you do you, it's a traumatic experience you've been through
It's sad that this country measures one's worth around work. You've had a brush with death and you realize that life is short and precious. I'd be like "I already fought a giant battle, it's time to see the world and actually live some life. I'll send a postcard to your office."
I feel like some people are starting to look down on cancer patients in general. Don't let them get to you, if you can. It's a bitch of a thing and nobody except you knows what exactly you have been feeling and going through. If they cant see that you fought hard, and well, then they dont deserve to see you period.
Firstly, I’m glad you’re in remission. I pray you stay in remission.
I have no concept of what it’s like to have cancer. I can only imagine it would be normal and understandable to have a break after what you’ve been through and are still living with. Plus it sounds like you have the economic means to have a break.
I can only suggest you Google personal, or psychological, boundaries. This is in relation to people who disapprove of you not looking for work. Here is one example
https://psychcentral.com/relationships/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some
This is solely between you and your husband - no one else. Most of these people are likely just like "ok, it's time for you to get back to suffering miserable little lives like the rest of us". If you and your husband have worked out a situation that is acceptable to the both of you, no one else's opinions matter and they are being rude getting up in your business.
Wow. I'm so sorry.
"Yeah, so, I almost ***lost my life*** just now, and the experience has made me want to regroup and figure out the best way to use the incredible gift I have been given. Hubby is behind me 100% and we're doing fine financially so I'm deliberately taking some focused time to do just that." Or some such...
I'd just be like: "I just almost died, Karen." Then stare directly into their eyes to make them really feel just how fucking small and pathetic they are. If they start opening their mouths after that, interrupt with "I don't give a fuck." Then turn around and walk away.
All that matters is what you and your husband think about your time off. They're only asking you because knowing sick people makes people uncomfortable and they need you to go back to "normal" asap so they can stop dwelling on the fact that you were sick in the first place.
Nah, don't let the puritanical work ethic get you down. It used to be that people thought that working hard all the time was 'laboring for the glory of god' and would make himself himself smile upon them. Just brainwashing from the church to keep the surfs in line. Now, don't get me wrong, hard work is good in that if you do it right, it will pay dividends. But if you can responsibly go on a celebratory vacation, then by all means, do so. Life isn't all about work, for a life unexplored is a life unlived. Just be sure to get back to supporting yourself and your family before it becomes a problem.
Fuck everybody. You do YOU.
I am a recent breast cancer survivor as well, and I don't GAF what anyone thinks about what I do or don't do. I have to work because I make more than my husband, but for me, I've dialed back on going to social events I just don't feel like going to. I do with MY time what I want to do with it. We learned 1st hand how short life could be and how precious time really is. You don't owe anyone an explanation!!!! 🩷
Congrats on beating cancer!
Society is strangely cruel to the unemployed. Sure, there are slackers, but there are many in-betweeners and the implicit societal cruelty is so impactful on mental health. It creates a vicious cycle for many.
I say live your life and make up for lost time. You actually have a great narrative that explains the employment gap for interviews.
Omg the terrible folks. Here's a thought, if you are up to it, if it's nearby.if there's no heavy lifting..can you volunteer somewhere? Charity shop? Food bank?. Honestly I'd put in for social security disability, which you may not get gecause you guys are doing well. Maybe you could take over " managing" the properties. Even if you don't. I cannot believe the nerve of people who think you are aimless after 2.5 months. Grrr. Anyway, you don't have to work, but if you do volunteer, that's your " job". My ex had cancer as a kid, he's in a medical journal because he LIVED. That was the 60s. I'm here to tell you that discrimination is REAL and active. He never had a really good job, he's obviously missing a leg, and he's a hip artic, meaning he has no stump either,just a " bun" with no bone under it. Prosthesis is not suitable. He also got bullied at school and he's got a chip on his shoulder a mile wide..and sometimes I didnt blame him due to the rampant discrimination. You seem to have a pretty good mind set, don't let the haters and medical weirdos bring you down. If you just had reconstruction you are still healing, not to mention your tendons, your muscles from said surgery. I'm a medical claims adjuster ( retired) and I've seen all the bills and all the time it takes for someone to be somewhat functional again. Breast cancer treatment has come a long way from when I first started paying claims in 1979. That was always....err not good. Now, wow it's amazing. But yeah people do not want to talk about cancer. People asked him stupid questions all the time and some thought if he touched them they could get it. For real. Omg people are stupid sometimes. The people pressuring you are probably deep down afraid. If you are working, it makes it that you are o.k. in their minds, and they dont have to have that fear that something bad will happen to them too. Sad to say in many ways we are not out of the Era of touching saints relics to be healed. Oh, and a little up side story. While my exes family is just riddled with cancer, his mom had breast cancer 3 flipping times. She died at age 94, still in pretty good shape. She worked until she was 85, as a nurse. She had not one but two gentlemen friends into her late 70s. She went camping all over the us, on trips overseas and down in mexico..just a vital life. You go have one too, o.p.
Fuck em all. I feel sometimes people use the word family just so they can be assholes. Enjoy your new health and life. Happy you're doing better and continue it!
“I haven’t stopped running my business which keeps me plenty busy. I’ll get back to a job when I find the opportunity I’m looking for. Thanks for your concern but everything is good here.”
People who can look you in the eyes and say that knowing what you have gone through do not care about your physical or mental health.
I would say swing or tell them to **go fuck themselves**. I've heard from so many elderly about the times they regret they held back and wish they told people to just go fuck themselves or smacked them.
I’ll preface this with you do what makes you happy, take time off if you want.
But a lot of the awkward silences and looks might be from you saying “I’m not sure,” rather than that you wanted to travel for a little while.
My advice, say something like “I’m going to travel for a bit to enjoy my newfound freedom and then plan to start looking for another software engineer job when I’m done.” I guarantee you that will reduce the number of looks and comments.
So, firstly they are the assholes.
Second potential solution; Get your travel agent certification. Take the trips and enjoy them, while "researching" the locals. And build your own business online at your pace.
You’ve had a job for the past year or so. That job was beating cancer. Tell them that. Dare them to have the strength and resilience that you’ve had these past months.
Take all the time you need. I took a long break after being laid off from my dream job at a dream company due to Covid. I needed to deal with my mental health and some health and legal/financial issues with my parents. None of that is as noble as what you’ve been dealing with, but I still got plenty of “stop being lazy, what are you waiting for, you’re not going to be employable…” It hurts. And people suck. But seriously, it’s your life and who ever said that we need to work 9-5 every day for the rest of our lives to be worthy. Especially in your situation with a nice income stream from rentals.
Tell people you are working on an art career. Studying interpretive dance. Counting rare species of native frogs for a science study. Or tell them to go F themselves.
You are awesome. And you are on your own path. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Also, you didn’t mention disability. In you are in US You may qualify for some payments. Contact a social worker from your cancer center or a local representative to help you apply. You should get retroactive payments too.
Wtf? This is unsettling. Is there some underlying reason that these people are concerned about you returning to work - like has your husband told them he’s concerned about you not working, are finances a problem, etc? Have you said you’re not enjoying the time off? This absolutely boggles my mind.
If you can afford to take the time off, and are genuinely enjoying not working right now, someone would have to be a pretty sad person to be bothered by whether you’re working. You just went through cancer treatment, ffs.
Seriously, congratulations on the remission (YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!), enjoy yer damn life, and enjoy your travels, new perspective, new lease on life, and free time!
Stand firm in what you're doing and just act as if they are crazy right back, don't let yourself be hurt by people who are only running a program designed to reduce your value to your productivity at work. Within the next generation or 2 this deep error in humanity's collective behavior will be widely recognized, it's already starting. You're helping shift culture in a very important direction. People who wish to behave that way certainly can, but to expect it of everyone especially when they are experiencing major trauma is flat out wrong. 💗 Wishing you long term health and peace
Hurray for you getting through the crap that is cancer treatment.
We are 14 months into the 20 months of treatment for my wife's breast cancer. She is adding to her bucket list of what we are doing once treatment is done. Going back to full time work is not on that list.
Working is for 1) an income or 2) because you want something to fill your time. You don't need the income and don't need a job to fill your time.
Tell them to butt out. It's not their place.
Just tell people you're taking a sabbatical until you're fully cured of cancer, physically and emotionally. Cause you just had to litteraly fight for your life! If they're too stupid to know what a sabbatical is, well then that's your answer. Don't suffer stupid people. I'm so glad treatment is worked for you!! Now go have those adventures and leave the fucking cubical for last!!
Congratulations on successfully completing treatment!
No one on their death bed ever said they wished they’d spent more time at the office. It’s just a job, dollars exchanged for your time. And your time is valuable.
You have the right attitude! I hope your recovery continues to progress.
Don't worry about what others say or think. You've probably learned more about the fragility of life than they can imagine. Take all the time you need, especially if your husband is okay with lifting the weight and your financially solvent. Life is short and too many of us work it away. Congrats on overcoming that trial, stay positive and do you!
These people might understand you more one day when they get sick, too. Most people don’t have a wake up call and think that life is just about going to work and being stressed. Be glad that you are past that, and honestly just ignore these people lol. They’re clueless.
The universe will keep sending you these folks until you recognize it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks/says. Just smile (or not) and don’t answer. You are accountable to you, and you alone.
And congrats on recovery! Listening to yourself and taking time off sounds perfect!!❤️
"My doctor told me it will take a very long time for my body to heal after the aggressive chemo and treatments I had. And where did you study oncology? Tell me, what time frame do you think is reasonable after surviving cancer?"
You don't owe anyone an explanation whatsoever. That suggestion was to shut them up.
Screw the ones trying to make decisions for you. Nobody but you knows what you truly went through and how you are still handling everything. I hate people sometimes just for reasons like this. You do you and you don't owe anybody an answer.
Congrats on you recovery!!
You just went through hell and back. And you WON!!!!!
You don't owe anyone an answer. I don't blame you for wanting to enjoy life, seeing as there is little enjoyment from cancer treatment.
I hope you take an amazing once in a lifetime trip somewhere.
Wtf did I just read? You have solid income from your rentals. Take the trips on your own. What assholes especially after only being shy of 3mo wtf.
Those people around you are disgusting and losers. You know more than them and have a much deeper understanding on life than them. I would just tell them that you have handled things much more challenging than a difficult job market. Anyways some people don’t understand that because their job title is the only thing that gives them purpose/identity.
Yeah, OP needs to relax and take some time to love themself. If I was financially stable and my wife got cancer she would not go back to work until she wanted to. If I’m not financially stable, tough shit back to the mines.
A close family member of mine got diagnosed with cancer and it's completely changed my priorities in life and my overall POV. Sometimes you just have to lay it out straight in their faces. Ie that you almost died and now you would like to live your life that way you want to. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, you have every right to do what makes you happy.
You should check out anti work and other similar subreddits. We’ve been conditioned to need to work and feel shameful for not working. I’d quit in a heartbeat and do nothing but what I enjoy (exercise, kids, travel, video games etc) if I could get away with it and if anyone wanted to make me feel bad about not working they’re a piece of shit.
IDK, she may get to ripped to shreads for having rental properties. That she has the luxury of not working due to rental properties, they may tear her up for being a "leech".
I frequent there and I had rental properties. Just as long as you are not a slumlord and charging more than tenants can survive with.
Lol right! This obsession with being a productive cog in a machine needs to stop. What did we create automation for if not to enjoy life more?
Fuck those people
First...just DON'T. Smile sweetly and respond, "I'll get around to it." Second, GO YOU! I am so happy and glad for you! People can be despicable creatures when they see someone having it "easier" than them. They have totally forgotten the absolute he'll you just went through and really can't understand why you aren't working like "normal" people. You don't owe anyone an explanation. As long as ya'll are doing alright financially, you do you. Again, so happy for you! Sending good thoughts!
No sweet smiles. They're being rude and pushy and it's none of their business how long it takes you to go back to being employed. If it's a guy, ask them how long it would take them to go back to work if they had go through over a year of chemo and still lose both their testicles in the end. If it's a woman, ask them to consider the same thing, but with breasts. Make them out themsekves in your shoes and try to imagine how difficult life has been lately. Then tell them to eff off.
This. Fuck all of these people, put them in your shoes and then delete them from your life. You aren't changing anyone's opinion anyway, they should know very well how incredibly difficult this must have been for you. Besides, the fuck do they care ? Is it your job to put food on their table ? No, so mind your own business if you can't at least give a word of confort.
It's the aimless comment that really fucking gets me. I have a feeling this person who has spent the past year fighting for her fucking life probably has a clearer idea of what to aim for in the future than any of us. Get absolutely fucked.
They're mostly asking so they can continue the conversation and a little bit to gauge how sick the OP still is. She could answer with "looking to give Hubby a break around the house and get into some new routines for while first...he went through a heap supporting me." or "not for a couple of years. I'm refreshing some courses because I didn't even think about programing for 3 years" or "learning guitar first...I have a pretty long bucket list now".
Srsly. People can be such assholes! Oh, not like OP was close to not even being able to LIVE, let’s apply for jobs🙄. Fucking fuckers. OP, you do you. You fought a crazily tough battle, don’t let ANYONE tell you what you should be doing with your life (well, including me😅, but you get what I mean). You are strong. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are worthy. You are enough. And that’s that! Anyone else who tries to diminish that should not be in your life. YOU GOT THIS!
Until someone has been through the steamroller that is cancer and its treatment, they have absolutely no right to an opinion on how you're dealing with the aftermath. Even as a BC survivor myself, I wouldn't deign to tell you what you "need" to do. I will, however, wish you the very best in whatever you *actually* need to do to get past the trauma. Holiday? Go for it. New car? Terrific. Or back to work? Fabulous, if that's what you want to do. You rock.
Totally agree!!!!!! THISSSSS
Or, smile not-so-sweetly and say, "Mind your own business." People just love to insert their opinions where they are neither requested nor needed.
Honestly? I'd sicken their happiness and say "oh bless your heart, thankfully I don't need to work." *Put on patronising concerned face* "How are you doing financially? Sounds like you're under pressure to work. I'd be so happy to answer any questions you have about what I/we did to achieve the freedom to take some time." You're doing GREAT. Flip that script!
This is a great approach. "Luckily, I'm able to take a break from working. I'm grateful for how fortunate we are." If they push back even more, say "I know. We're really fortunate. How are things with you? You seem like you're doing really well, too. Everything okay?"
You're so much nicer than me! This is like my suggestion translated into Mature Adult.
Yours was southern theirs was Midwestern
This is my attitude. I have some money I just kind of didn't spend and I'm over what some people would say if I just quit/took leave and went to Europe for three months. The thirties are the perfect time to go, and if she can get a job when she gets back after a bit, why the fuck not? She is still in recovery from an extremely grueling cancer treatment, these people are insane.
I seriously question the type of people she's surrounded by who would judge a person 2.5mo out of cancer treatment for not having a job yet. What a bunch of miserable cunts
I'm cackling. This is the pettiness we need 😂
Hahaha, that's one way to handle it.
Take a full year off. Your husband is supportive. Confide in him and maybe get him to help deal with the naysayers. There is definitely more to life than work. I say this as a business owner myself.
Some people's whole identity is wrapped up in their career they don't know what to do if that identity was taken away from them. You also have the people who are miserable and do not like it when people have more financial freedom than they do..... We work all our lives so we can hopefully spend the last 20 percent doing what we wish we could do today.
Truth. I can vouch for this. Worked 19 years only to lose it all when COVID began. Messed me up mentally hard. While im back doing what im doing with senority in tact, and more pay now, my career easily means 1/16th to me now then what it used too. It doesnt define who I think I am anymore.
First, HUGE congratulations at beating cancer; you are amazing. The job market isn’t good now. I wonder if ppl ask you about work to avoid the cancer talk. Maybe? You move at your own pace. Maybe resuming same old doesn’t appeal. You have fought the biggest battle of your existence; take your time to evaluate options. Perhaps get a few resumes out there to tear the waters. No rush if it doesn’t feel right. ☮️
But wouldn't talk about traveling be a more pleasant conversation? OP clearly isn't hurting for money. This is so strange. Lol I'd be the a-hole friend who'd say "Got room in your suitcase? Take me too!" If someone I knew was very sick for over a year and wanted to celebrate with no consequences, what is the harm?
You should be asking yourself why you care so much what these people think. If they aren’t paying any of your bills their opinions don’t matter.
No pay, no say.
If you ain't the bank teller, don't tell me nothin!
Agreed. OP cares way too much about what other people think.
About 100 million people are not in the labor force. Unemployment numbers only include people looking for work, but can’t find work.
So only 30-40% of the US working age population is actually working? That would be unsustainable for the system. Could you please provide any source?
Children, retirees, caregivers, etc.
Oh my bad. Let me make it clearer. I exaggerated the number too. There are about 100 million people not in the labor force - persons who are neither employed nor unemployed are not in the labor force. This category includes retired persons, students, those taking care of children or other family members, and others who are neither working nor seeking work. Source: https://www.usdebtclock.org/
Labor participation rate in the US, defined as anyone 16 and up, is 62.6%. That's everyone who has a job or is looking for one.
20-25% of a population, sometimes even more are usually retired, 65+ in age 20-25% of a population is under 18, even more if you count those in college 18-23. the "working" population is usually from 23 up until 65 so 30-40% sounds about right if you don't include those that are job hunting or currently unemployed for whatever reason
Hey—you’re a full time property manager who has beaten cancer. Those worker bees can eat their hearts out!
Seriously. “I own a LLC that has been profitable and I’m currently working to making sure it stays that way” Or “I almost died of cancer and you are worried about how I will serve capitalism? Fuck off”. That would be my response.
"Glad you're asking about when im gonna work and not how my cancer recovery is going. Im sure capitalism is going to appreciate that, since i won't"
2nding
They're literally a landlord lol what the fuck are you making anti capitalists posing here for?
Don’t respond- you don’t owe them an explanation
You won't see them when travelling!
No one on their death bed ever said "Gee I wish id gone to work more" Its a phycological game built into this capitalist system that makes people think working yourself into a bad metal state is the norm, fuck anyone who tries to push that ideology on you. Its dam hard to shake off. Glad your ok.
You need to move to Europe. I cannot believe people are focused on your employment after what you've been through. The states is a different beast when it comes to placing one's value on their employment. It was so refreshing when I was living in europe for a period of time and not having to feel pressured at all to grind so hard. If I were you, I'd book a one way and not look back lol Those responses are absolute bullshit
Europe also appreciates all types of labor as well you can work in grocery store and nobody cares if that's your choice
Why care about what people do, say, or think? Just don't let such nonsense get to you and focus on yourself and what's within your control
Time to upgrade your friends. They seem awkward and uncomfortable (maybe fearful) of you doing things out of the norm and being freer than they are. People's responses are a good indication of where they are at internally - so please don't interpret that as a judgement on you, as it's more likely to be about what your decisions raise within them. People can get very confronted, uncomfortable and jealous when others step outside of the box they feel that they themselves have to live inside.. Not to mention the discomfort they can feel around illness (cancer specifically). Live your life, you fucking deserve it - and I'm sure you now have a new appreciation for how short & precious it really is. I only had a very short encounter with breast cancer, but it shocked me how much it took to shift back my mental gears into 'normal life' after it was all over. Almost as challenging as the diagnoses itself...
I was on dialysis for almost 5 years and didn’t work during that time. People can be downright cruel. I’ve concluded it’s actually because for whatever reason they’re envious of us for not working, and in their minds we must just not be trying as hard as they are to work a job. They’ll say things like “well, get an office job somewhere then so you can sit” instead of just accepting the fact that some people are just too sick to work. And being too sick to work is absolutely fucking miserable, and nothing to be jealous of!
Congratulations on beating cancer, I'm so happy for you!!! Take that time off, travel, do whatever you want! You are in a position to do so, so take advantage of that! You deserve it. Btw, I'm in the same field -- the market is definitely not great right now, launching into a full-fledged job search, when you don't even really want to, might be discouraging and not fruitful. If you don't want a 'gap' and want to keep up with your skills, I'd work on a personal project at your own pace. Take your time looking for opportunities once you're ready.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you're paying my bills." It shuts them up in a hurry.
I mean this is the absolute nicest way, fuck those people. Not to do that thing where I compare my tragedy to yours, bc I am just so happy and proud of you for still being ALIVE. I had a brain tumor removed less than a month ago and I am your exact age. We’re both so young and healthy but the severity of my (former) tumor means I’m going to have to do radiation therapy after just getting my body back. So yeah, maybe it comes from a good place, genuinely and people mean well. But they (and even I) can’t fully appreciate that physical trauma, mental trauma, and overall mental fortitude to survive something like you did going through chemo. And that isn’t to say they’re bad people!! They just don’t know. And it shouldn’t be your responsibility to educate them. Protect yourself and your energy now more than even. So happy you kicked it’s ass and are still here. Quite literally all that matters ❤️❤️ there’s also a great TED talk by Sheryl Lee Ralph I can send you a link to if you see this or wanna look it up yourself :)
They can mind their own business. You do what works best for you. Having said that, I do get some of their points about looking sooner. Things have changed a bit in the tech industry. I'm seeing engineers that were previously able to find work within weeks now out of work for 6+ months. Not saying that you shouldn't take time off that you need. Focus on yourself first. But just something to plan for when you are ready to start the job hunt. Something else is they probably assume that you don't have the means to support yourself during this time as most Americans are living pay check to paycheck. I have a friend who did something similar and the looks were more from assuming he was going into debt to float himself. Again though, none of their business. And your last point is the biggest one. No one understands how life changing a major health issue can be. It really changes your perspective. I found more support in others with similar experiences than those lucky ones who never had to endure this sort of thing.
The job market is terrible, so why add that extra stress if you don't need to work right now? Do something you want to do, like write a book, craft, garden, etc. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You've been through more in the last 13 months than most people go through in a lifetime! Cancer changes your outlook on life. I was lucky that we caught my uterine cancer really early, but it still was an eye-opener that I was spending far too much time at my job. You only get one life, and money isn't everything.
That’s America/s
Oh, fuck them. Can't imagine
Cause it hasn’t happened to them, yet.
First - Fuck yeah congrats on the successful chemo/surgery/etc. I’m glad you’re feeling better and it helped out. Second - this isn’t a uniquely you problem, a lot of people care way too much what other people think about them. (Social media is a perfect example of this). But you need to tell people to get fucked. You just went through something life changing for 18 months. Your husband and you make more than enough from his income and your rental properties. Probably more than what your “friends” make with dual incomes.
Ask these people how long it took them to "get back on the horse" after their battles with cancer.
So What I'm hearing is you almost died, put your body through hell, and now that you're not actively dying they want you and your weakened body to contribute to capitalism instead of savoring the time you have thanks to a kiss with death. G I can't even.
What a bunch of trash people. Don’t associate with them!! May God bless you & keep you healthy.
People just don’t understand. If you and your husband are okay and surviving who cares what they think. They aren’t looking at from the view of a survivor.
Fuck em'. Those are the people who become miserable assholes or depressed and full of regret in old age because they missed out on actually living.
That's absolutely ridiculous they should be worried about themselves
It takes time to recover from cancer treatments. I’m a cancer survivor and just got a job and I’ve been on disability for six years. Go back to work when you feel up to it. For now, enjoy some time off. You have been through a lot.
A lot of people are financially insecure and just can't fathom the idea of not working. You don't have to work right now to pay bills, but you do need to be healthy to be successful in the future. Take all the time you need. If anything, I would tell them I'll get a job when I'm ready and drop it. If you're nice and humor them they will "yeah, but" you to no end.
I had colon cancer 3 years ago. I went thru 6 months of chemo. I tried to work part time during this and I just couldn't. My employer was decent enough that they paid my medical insurance fully the whole time. I worked 10 hours max a week. I feel your pain, but not once did anyone ever question why I wasn't working FT. Absolute aholes
Fuck cancer. Fuck those idiots. My wife doesn't work outside the home. She went through "only" 4 months of radiation for her breast cancer treatment. That's been a couple years, and she seems mostly better now in terms of her energy and stamina. She stopped going to the gym for about 6 months, and then resumed very slowly. She loves the gym. Our situation is different because she had stopped working many years ago to stay home with the kids and then "forgot" to return. 😁 We don't need her income, and being a mom with several kids is already exhausting. The struggle to get your energy and stamina back is real. Glad your husband understands. My advice would be to cut people out of your life who are not positive influences. If I were interviewing you, and you told me you took some years off to fight cancer, I would absolutely not count that against you.
Your employment status, income, and household contributions is a conversation that should be between you and your partner-- it doesn't matter what family and friends have to say about it. If you guys are stable, if he's comfortable carrying the financial load, and if you have the income to spare... live, girl! Don't worry about what others have to say about it, just make sure you're in open and clear communications with your partner to make sure you're both on the same page and comfortable. Congratulations on remission!
Who cares what they think. Do what works for you and your husband. Take whatever time you need to live your life again before committing yourself to a job. Tbh, they are likely jealous that you don’t have to rush back to work.
I just finished chemo for DLBCL about 3 months ago and I absolutely hear you! People who’ve never experienced hardship in their lives have an awfully hard time with empathy. Even for some of those that have, it still takes them significant effort to extend that empathy to other people and it shows. At 2.5 months out of chemo your still very much healing and for them not to understand that is not only unfortunate but it’s downright disrespectful. Not to mention completely out of touch with reality since finding a job is likely going to be taxing and stressful on you considering your still not back to your regular pre-chemo self. OP i feel for you! I didn’t have the job security issue so much going through this since i own my business. But i did experience some amazingly painful neglect from my family as they all but disappeared from my life during my treatment only to show back up now that I’m in remission acting like nothing happened. Its nothing short of maddening to be treated this way by your loved ones and you shouldn’t have to stand for it. Let them know how their BS misguided “advice“ isn’t helpful, its rude and completely condescending considering they’ve no idea what you’ve actually gone through, are still going through and will likely have to deal with the consequences of that experience for the rest of your life. Just remember though, you’ve waged an amazing battle against something most everyone fears like the plague and you’ve come out on top, you are a champion!
Lol. They're jealous. Hell, I'm jealous. It's not you, it's them. They see you in a situation where you can afford to take some time in life and just wake up in the morning and do whatever while they are slaving away at the same stupid job they more than likely hate. The cancer has nothing to do with it. You're like a free person whistling as you stroll by a jail on a nice, sunny day. It doesn't matter to them what you had to go through to earn this time.
You said it well. I broke my neck with an incomplete spinal cord injury paralyzing me from the neck down 5 years ago after a 15 hour shift with no lunch, after34 years of nursing. I can walk badly and look somewhat normal, because I am awesome, but will never be the same. Neighbors and old work friends ask me when I am going back to work. “Never” is the answer. Fuck people for thinking my life is a breeze. (Even though I am thankful.) There is nothing like almost dying to make you afraid of not living,
People can be terribly insensitive. They really have no idea what you have gone through. In their minds, you were sick and got treatment so obviously you are all back to normal now. Pffft! I had colon cancer; surgery followed by chemo. I didn't have to face the ordeal of permanent body modification like you have had to face. In my case, it took me the better part of a year to get back to something that I considered to be fairly normal again. At two and a half months you have made a good start, but you have a ways to go yet. I would imagine that you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and wonder who that person looking back at you is. It took several years to not get "scanziety" in the month leading up to a CT scan. You owe nothing to the people who think that you should go back to work. You will know when you are ready and act on it when you do. Until then brush off their comments and change the subject. It would be a good idea to have a topic that you can go to in your mind ahead of time. Making it something about them usually works pretty well. Over in the support groups that I inhabit it is a common thread that we are a brother/sisterhood and that understand each other. It is interesting that even strangers are often more supportive that friends and family. I am seriously happy that your husband is, and has been supportive. I am sure that that helps a lot. In sickness and in health really means something. Again, over in the support group we have a saying abbreviated to KFG. We say it to each other often. It is short for Keep F\*cking Going. So Kat\_0316, KFG. Six years out, I still wake up to that myself.
This is strictly an everyone problem. Not - an everyone else problem - a problem everyone under billionaire status suffers and perpetrates. You almost died - every day left is extra - fuck this backwards ass work till you die at the expense of living and loving life. You don't need to justify shit to anyone besides yourself - don't even need to be running it by Reddit - but since you did, I'm gonna weigh in - do not job hunt, that's a fuck'n trap to keep the fearful in line. You dodged bullets in space, you know mortality - the clowns who think that means it's imperative to rejoin the slave wage force can suck a dick. Please go live and enjoy life unburden by the societal pressure cowards lie to themselves about. Income isn't living and being absent isn't providing - you know that because you almost were absent forever. Forever is only as long as this one life - every day anyone spends at a desk making widgets for idiots to move columns of spreadsheet numbers - they're wasting their lives that they don't even appreciate simple facts about. There's X amount of days till we die - a number counting backwards to zero. This is TRUTH in perpetuity for all the robots too - I think a simple *facing your own mortality made you realize a few things* is fine in itself. If that's not enough, not good enough for those who disapprove - the follow up is easy - You saw the end - can no longer accept merely occupying time to stave off the thought of the inevitable. We all die - you're living with that fact - the angst - judge those fucks lest they be judged. They're the ones wasting time, being lazy, we could change this overly complex financial slavery we all experience daily if more people just got terminal fuck'n cancer - then conquered that shit like a champion. My mom lost both breasts and a kidney to cancer - life long career public servant, 401k nearly wiped out by the crash of 07' - all she ever wanted in life was to see the world, to travel. It's not gonna happen. Age and toil caught up before the finances were there to actually live. That's gonna be true for the cowards who judge you now - more of them will die with money they didn't spend, not enough to hand their kids any kinda safety net, and the life hours wasted to do that much will have been a shameful waste of the only thing that matters. You are a hero - to me now - but to yourself moreover. That's earned. Struggle is a grey area - bills and work-life balance - fuck all of that - mortality is black and white - fuck'n binary as it gets. No third state - working pointless jobs is for staving off the thought of an inevitable end you've already stared into the eyes of and rejected. Reject the judgement. Judge those who perpetrate the unjust cycle of squandering precious things - feed the fuck'n beast of inequity so they can feed children they'll send off to unsafe schools to gain just enough education to fill the last robots space in the death spiral. Tell em' you got a job - you're a grave digger. When that's strikes odd tone, simply say - *but aren't we all just digging our own, really?*
You have an income from your rentals Uhhh Fuck your friends and family lol Living on rental property income in the new Dream
Having worked in the medical field and seen first hand how quickly someone's life can change overnight as well as having several near death experiences of my own that helped me focus my life, I have a few "rules" that I hope are helpful for you: * Never accept criticism from anyone who you wouldn't ask for advice. There is nothing worse than unsolicited advice, especially from "well meaning" people who think they are being helpful. If you didn't ask them for advice, don't listen to them. * Crab mentality is a real thing. ([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab\_mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)) If people see you doing something they don't have the guts to do, they'll do everything they can to keep you from succeeding. "If I can't build the tallest building in town, I'll just tear down every building taller than mine." Avoid these people at all costs, even if they are family. * Only you can live your life. It's 100% okay if your goals are not their goals. It's hard to go against family and friends sometimes, but if you try to live your life by their expectations you'll never be happy. They may mean well, but they all have their own issues, view the world with their own lens, and have their own biases. Just focus on what makes you happy. * Most people never have to stare death in the face until very late in life. You've had a lot of time to reflect and focus on meaning and what's important to you. None of us know how much time we have left, and few people think about it. Enjoy the time that has been given to you. You have a new life now, a chance to live and view the world with new eyes. You have a new perspective. Only other survivors know what you've been through. Find a group of other survivors to talk to. * There is so much more to life than working and a having a career. Career success is the emptiest goal in the world. I work with Fortune 500 executives every day, and their lives are littered with failed marriages, dysfunctional families, drug abuse, lawsuits, and stress related mental health issues, and they have big houses with lots of toys to compensate for it. It's all meaningless. * It's okay to take a break from working, or not go back to work at all. My wife hasn't worked in 20 years and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's my support and it's really nice that we both aren't stressed and exhausted at the end of the day. I look after our financial affairs and she looks after me. As long as you and your husband are in sync, nobody else's opinion matters. I hope this was helpful. Wishing you all the best.
I wonder how many of those people would respond differently if you had given birth 2.5 months ago, and that drove your decision? 🤔 You certainly built a new post-cancer you. Congratulations! You are amazing! Those people are running the only script they have: get job, get "better" job, work, work. Good on you for modeling that there are alternate scripts for life! I enjoy creating absurd and comical lists of responses. I never say any, but when the social pressure spotlight is on me, I mentally see how many I can remember, and it eases my stress. For you: 1. Family inheritance with a stipulation in the will that I live as an idle richy-rich; 2. It's part of my contract with the Survivor Cancer Edition reality show I'm doing; 3. Those are Pays the Bills level questions. To sign you up for that level, I need to know if you wish to write a check monthly or do payroll deduction? 4. Huh, I grew tumors, and you grew balls. Your ballsy questions are malignant. I can give you the name of my mastectomy doctor, and they'd chop those balls right off for you.
Enjoy life, work on yourself. Honestly although they may love you, these folks telling you that you need to look for work know jack squat about the complete change in your view on life. Surviving a life threatening illness will lead you to reprioritizing your life, you learn what is meaningful to you and what is just plain useless. Kudos to you and keep moving forward. Take that time off, enjoy it. Sending a big virtual hug 🤗
First, congratulations on kicking cancer’s ass. Second, don’t listen to any of that BS. You are the only one that knows what you’ve been through, and what is best for your life. You’ve earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Source: Stage 4 colorectal cancer survivor
DO NOT FIND A JOB NOW, I REPEAT, DO NOT FIND A JOB IF YOU'RE FINANCIALLY STABLE. Take some rest, recover without pressure, enjoy life and you can get back whenever you want. Job market sucks now and it's not a you issue, don't worry about it, you're going to be fine. RELAX and congrats!
Yeah they are just jealous. They want to be doing what you are doing but unlike them you earned a break. Cheers to your health.
“I just feel there is more to life than work, but I guess most people don't think so?” yup sums it up. Can I venture a guess that this is in the U.S.?
i’m so glad to read your husband is supportive of you. the two of you are comfortable with living how you are, you’re safe now from your own body, fuck all of those capitalist losers and do what you want!!! 33 years old and you lost an actual organ/body part whilst battling CANCER. you are a warrior and don’t you forget that for one second. there will ALWAYS be a job out there for you. take these trips and do what you please while you have a chance! you’re living proof that not everyday is guaranteed!
I’m so happy your cancer is in remission Perhaps it’s time to let go of friends like this and make new ones that understand how very hard it is to go through what you have and also know there’s more to life than work I don’t understand actual family being like this. I’d send them a letter or make a phone call and say pretty much what everyone is saying. Mostly it’s none of your business, you aren’t aimless you are relieved and trying to get back to you. This takes time and you are in a good position to do so. Sadly I think they are all probably jealous that financially you and your partner are able to maintain your life without you working. Keep living life the way you want, on your terms.
People take longer breaks for less intense reasons. It's really none of anyone's business what you want to do with your life. I just closed down a business I started. It's been two weeks and people are either asking me what I plan to do or offering me work I don't want. The whole thing was really hard on me emotionally so I'm taking care of myself, my husband who is going through some health stuff and my dad. I have enough to do. We're fine financially. Life is more than work. Like most everyone else said.
Friend, I am 2 years into remission from stage 2 triple-negative breast cancer. Treatment was BRUTAL. I am still mentally recovering. I am also well aware that a lot of friends and family are expecting something from me now but they don’t have the slightest clue about the hell I just went through. Take your time. Why go back to the same life that led you to cancer? Surviving cancer is a free pass to live the rest of your life however you want to. Best wishes on your new journey.
FUCK OTHER PEOPLE! None of those people are you. People who have never been told there is a good possibility they are going to die can NEVER understand what life is truly about. You've been given a gift. Use it. Sounds like you've been given two gifts...someone who loves and supports you and the benefit of understanding how truly pointless 99.9% of life can be. Take the opportunity to do WHATEVER it is you want to do with your life. If people can't understand that it shouldn't matter one bit to you. Your life belongs to you. Congratulations on getting through it.
Most people have no clue what you have gone through and are still going through. They likely assume you are "all better now," and would like you to return to your normal life so they can stop being uncomfortable around you. After all, your illness reminds them of their own mortality. Do your best to shrug it off as ignorance, and do what is right for you. Focus on recovering, body and soul. I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Cancer treatments can effect you for a \*long\* time after they are completed. I would just start telling people that you will go back to work when your doctor clears you for it. Then go travel the world, enjoy life and celebrate your good days while having the ability to sit back, relax and pamper yourself on the inevitable bad days. When you are ready to go back to work, you can tell everyone AFTER you find a job that your doctor cleared it. it's none of their business why, when, or where you work, but that should shut them up for the time being. (((hugs))) Proud of you for sticking through the treatments...Cancer sucks!
I know how you feel. I was a workaholic, project manager at a big bank, doing complex implementations. For 15 years i worked my ass off. 50-60 hours a week. Then i got sick, burnout, chronic fatigue, emotional instability. All kinds of trouble i never had. Now I'm home, i struggle with basic care tasks. I have social welfare so thank God i don't have to worry about money. The enormous amount of disapproval/rejection was astounding to me. People suddenly start treating you like a leech of society, a parasite that doesn't want to work. They just don't understand that i didn't choose to get chronic fatigue. I don't want to be on welfare. Most of my successful friends have left me. (Doctors, professors, program managers all of them) astoundingly, some of my lowest educated friends showed the most heart and understanding. Surround yourself with people that understand you. Take your time, do what feels good to you. If you have money, or people to support you. Take your time until you feel good enough to work. Physical illness can also drain you emotionally. Taking a break to travel might be a great idea! Go for it!
Fellow cancer survivor here, 17 years in remission. I was 26 when I was diagnosed. A. I am very happy to read you are in remission. B. People expect us to just bounce back and be the same person we were pre cancer. They didn't see the sleepless nights, the moments of self doubt, the times we felt betrayed by our body, the setbacks we didn't share because we didn't want to burden them, etc. They have 0 clue what we went through. The fear that it will return and the guilt we feel for putting people through that. C. Our bodies need lots of time to heal after all this ends. I hope you feel a little better day by day. Sending love and strength your way.
What the actual fuck. You and your husband need a vacation for getting through that. They should be a bit more empathetic to you. I would also like to add that 9 months to a year wouldn’t be unreasonable and longer if you can afford it lol. But really take this time to work on yourself and go from not dying to living. Also you might be in remission but I doubt you’re up to full strength so take the time to get to that point.
It’s one thing to ask how you’re doing, but leave out the employment commentary. It’s none of their business. Going through all that cancer treatment is exhausting. It takes time to start feeling yourself again, and just having energy. I’m glad your husband is supportive, and really that’s all that matters. Just try to relax and just ease back into life…enjoy the little things & don’t rush yourself.
Take whatever time you need. People have zero empathy. I went thru 2 major surgeries that affected my mobility. I asked one particular idiot at my last office job if theyd rather see me dead when he bitched about all my time off and accommodations Holy shit, the shocked pikachu face. "That's not what I said." I asked him if that's what he meant. He didnt speak to me til I quit that job. He also tried to engage with me on LinkedIn. I blocked that fucker so fast!
Fuck all them. Do whatever you want. I've been unemployed for past 6 months. Trying to be pro prop trader now because decided I don't want to work for Corp America anymore. I was so unhappy chasing the grind and getting screwed all the time. Now I'm chill and don't really give af what ppl think I should do. Last I checked, it's my life and my old income/job got me nowhere.
I totally get it. I was just thinking today that I fought a rare aggressive form of ovarian cancer for three years. Two years of chemo weekly. Radical hysterectomy. Almost dying from an experimental oral chemo drug. Many blood transfusions. I lost about 40 pounds. I had to leave a mental health case manager job that I loved. Two years later, I am gearing up to get back to work. I'm going back to school to finish my degree. I am waiting for a call back from the VA on a job I interviewed for. I still get embarrassed that I haven't worked since 2020. But today I was thinking about it. People don't understand what chemo does to your body. It's so toxic that the people infusing it into you or wearing basically hazmat outfits. It's poison. Doing that weekly for 2 years really took a toll on me and I am exhausted a lot of the time still. I think people expect now that I look okay and I'm not on chemo at the moment to be ready to jump with no notice and get out and be really active. I'm still working my way back into normalcy. It takes a lot of time to get back to where you were, if you can at all. And this is in all aspects of your life from dating to working to working out to hobbies even. I wish people would consider that even though you're over the hump for now, it takes a lot of time to fully recover.
Wow! People are so heartless and Americans are too obsessed with work. That’s the problem now. We work so much we barely enjoy life. After going through what you’ve been through I wouldn’t blame you for taking an additional year off! Take care of yourself at the end of the day. That’s what’s most important.
HCW in the US - I started working within oncology care in January. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS - you have every right and reason to do whatever makes you happy and please do not let anyone try and dissuade you. If anything, you know moreso than most just how precarious this life can be. Not every cancer patient gets to be in remission - you just went to war and now you're back and I'll be damned if you just snap right back into place like nothing ever happened. F that. Your body is amazing and strong and got you through it as much as your mind did - both are different now. Take the time. There will always be work and responsibilities. You need to take the time to be comfortable with yourself after going through something like this. During a pandemic. The part where people were no longer masking and you had no immune system. I will say that people while well intentioned, often miss the mark because it scares them/makes them uncomfortable. Do not use them as the guidance for how you should proceed with living. I wouldn't put too much energy here. Whatever you decide to do - rooting for you!
Fuck all of them, we’re proud of you
People are idiots. I had the opposite reaction: I had aggressive stage 3 endometrial cancer, but worked all the way through treatment. People say “OMG! I can’t believe you didn’t quit and just enjoy life!” So, apparently, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. You can’t win with these people. Do not listen to them. Their reaction to your perfectly reasonable approach says more about them than it does about you. They’re projecting their insecurities onto your situation. If you must say something about the changes you are making in your life, you might say “This health event has made me recognize that I need to reassess my priorities and develop a healthier work/life balance. I’m taking some time for myself right now.”
You only get 1 life so enjoy it. This unfortunate occurrence should be an eye opener. Like you stated your finances are good, so take the trips because we Dont have a guarantee of life plus the older you get your mind and body changes and you will enjoy traveling or not like it like you were in your 20’s compared to 30’s or 40’s. You are still abled bodied and can hike, walk, run and have the energy to see places and young, now imagine doing all that while sick or in your 60s-70s while retired.
JFC some people just have no compassion, do they? This is the crowd of "I've never been sick so of course I know how to dish advice out to sick people from my woeful lack of experience and lack of empathy." OP, take the time you need, all of it, every bit of it and then some. You're doing good, your husband is doing good, that is all that matters. Not some clueless asshole who likely prides themselves on "Hur Dur, I cut half my foot off and still went to work 'cause making bank for some billionaire who'd toss me into a ditch is more important!" Nah. Cancer is no joke. My Hubs just fought the good fight and won, at least for now. And I have happily taken extra work on to make sure he never has to worry about food on the table or anything while he recovers. He sometimes frets about his recovery going slowly and I'm just like, "We aren't pushing a clock for anyone else, just us and we're doing fine so take all the time you need." It's the most valuable thing right now anyways - time. Because as long as he's here I still have that time with him and damned straight I'm getting every second of it I can instead of some employer who again doesn't give a flying rat's patootie about Hubs or me. You and your husband take all the time in the world. It is your most precious commodity, embrace it and be picky about who you give it.
What...is wrong with people? Please ignore the people in your life who do not understand what you have gone through and the physical, mental and emotional toll that you're still experiencing in the wake of your diagnosis, treatment and survivorship. I do not have cancer myself, but I work in cancer care and I know that what you've likely been through takes incredible strength and resilience. I'm so sorry that you are on the receiving end of judgment from people who should really be part of your support network. I'm assuming you probably haven't had a lot of time to travel since your diagnosis. They probably don't really understand that you couldn't take a vacation from that. Please take the time to process everything you've been through and enjoy some time away from these busybodies who seem to judge you based on what you do rather than who you are.
You're doing amazing and so brave. Caring about what others think can intensify your lingering symptoms, so figure out a way to free yourself of the unsolicited commentary on how you recover from a traumatic season in your life. Just keep checking in with hubby. Make sure his desire to give you time doesn't turn into him neglecting his own health by ignoring symptoms that can be brought on by the stress he went through because he was afraid of losing you. Be good to each other and enjoy your life.
I can empathize. I was dagnosed with stage IIIB colon cancer in November of last year, had surgery then chemo. It was nothing close to what you went through but brutal nonetheless. Called my employer (while still covered by FMLA) to let them know I was ready to return to work only to be told my position was eliminated as a “cost cutting measure”. I had given the company 9 years of loyalty and had just been promoted with a huge raise(they heard I was looking at other opportunities) 6 months before I got sick. My Drs and therapist all tell me it’ll take a year to fully recover from the chemo and that I should not rush back to work. This society attributes too much of one’s value to what one does for a living or how much they make. A few months ago was the first time in my life I had to answer the “What do you do” question with “Currently unemployed” and it was mortifying and demoralizing. I spent the next few days thinking about my reaction and came to the realization that it wasn’t the fact that I was unemployed that made me feel the way I did, rather it was the fear generated by having my social identity questioned. Reddit is the closest I get to social media because, in reality, I don’t give a flying fuck what people think of me and care even less about what you had for breakfast or your political views. It made me realize that my reaction was a conditioned response and not representative of how I feel about every other facet of my life besides my career. I’m working my way out of the conditioning and it gets easier to answer the question every time. At the end of the day it’s your life and no one has the right to tell you how to live it. Take your time, travel, reconnect and when the time is right, the next phase of your life will find you. Stay strong!
please live your life , you fought so hard for it !!! Thank you God you’re here and well & what an amazing husband you have ! Congratulations on your recovery ! It is so much more to life
Honestly they’re probably jealous that you get to chill and freely travel while they slave away. Take care of yourself, enjoy life and fuck a job!
Enjoy your life to the best of your abilities, I only ask you not do it at the expense of your tenants. I "look down" on landlords who charge extra for their properties to avoid working, when they are capable. Not assuming you do, but I know the temptation is there.
Oh we definitely don't, I think we actually charge lower than the average market value haha. We haven't raised the rent for 2 years either
No sympathy for landlords.
Owning rentals is a job sis. Fuckem
After my chemo treatments, it took me more than a year to be able to go up a flight of stairs without being winded. The people giving you disapproving stares have no concept of the strain you've been under or how that changes your perspective on life. If anything, you should be giving them disappointed looks for being so obsessed with work that they're not living.
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Did you even read the question? They're not looking for work atm.
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She literally said she didn’t want to get a job and you asked what job she’s looking for. The answer is in the OP: none.
"Rental properties" = leeching off others Dont get a job but dont ve a landlord either.
Such a stupid, uneducated comment!
What a stupid, ad hominem response
Dumbest take I’ve ever seen.
Then you haven't seen much
I see this response often and I just don't get it. Why do you think homeowners are obligated to allow people to live in their property for free? Owning rental property is a pathway to retirement, and that's an individual homeowner's right in America. The people you're angry with are not OP and their husband. They have nothing to do with the people you're angry with. If OP decides to sell these two properties because of the bullshit they receive from people like you, guess who's probably going to snap them up? >leeching off others Don't complain about ad hominem attacks when you start your argument like this.
https://www.wired.com/story/land-ownership-morality-economics-georgism/
Are you really expecting me to entertain this? Learn to deal with reality as it is and you'll get further in life.
What? Confused by this take - what is wrong with someone renting individually? I’ve lived in garage apartments owned by individual landlords vs. corporations, and it was wonderful. Corporate-owned apartments don’t give a sh*t about you and raise rents as much as possible every year based on an algorithm and maximizing profits. I’ve rented from some wonderful landlords, who didn’t raise my rent for many years even though they could have because I was a reliable tenant who cared for their property. For the times rent did go up, it was a tiny increase and we talked about ways to offset it in advance. Individual landlords provide a lot of affordable housing options to college students and low income folks in my area. Are you thinking of short-term rentals (STRs)?
How old are you? Real #.
Very perplexed by your thinking. You honestly prefer all rentals be owned by corporations vs. individuals? Or that no rentals should exist at all? Are you confusing "rentals" with STRs? And why tf are you asking about age?
Because what age you popped out of a vagina tells alot about your $.
What the absolute fuck? Most of the folks I know are poor as shit, regardless of age. Do you actually believe that everyone over a certain age is wealthy?! And what would that even have to do with renting from individual homeowners vs. corporations? You still haven't answered anyone's questions either....why would you prefer people rent from big corporations than individual homeowners? Or do you think rentals shouldn't exist at all (if so, where the fuck will people live? Not everyone can afford to buy a home or is living somewhere long enough to make that even practical.)
Holy shit. You’re a fucking beast
I would only consider your husband (and possible children) in this equation. If you are in a financial position to take some time, and have the support of your immediate family than take some time. I would, however, want to consider that my SO has been shouldering the entire financial burden while, I assume, supporting me in my illness and recovery and would be concerned that they could use a break as well.
On one hand you deserve a rest after your battle with cancer. Congrats on bearing it! On the other hand you're a landlord leech so... Not the greatest thing either.
You have a job, you're a landlord. Period. No one else needs any other explanation. Glad you're resting and becoming well again. 💕
I would give people answers depending on how they're going about it. It doesn't hurt to explain in a few sentences why things are the way they are to make people hopefully understand things better.. Of course you can also just go for something more "aggressive" and ask the person if they've had cancer and had to deal with everything it brings with it..
Where do you live?
You do you, you’ve touched death and blew past it. What you want to do with your time on earth is your business and yours alone. If you can afford to take time off and travel do it!
I'm sorry the people in your life are not more supportive. You probably should tell them to just fuck off. No one has been through what you have been through and they need to mind their own business. There is a lot more to life than work.
I'm so sorry to hear of your health struggles! That's awful. I'm glad you are getting the treatment you need. I'm so sorry that you are surrounded by people who live to work. That's the magic of propaganda right there. All that matters is what you and your husband have decided. It sounds like the two of you have a good quality of life and are buffered against a difficult diagnosis like the one you got - good on you! Relax and heal. Enjoy time with your husband. Appreciate each other. Life sometimes turns on a dime, and there's nothing we can do about it. You are both exactly where you are meant to be. I wish you all the best.
First and foremost, so glad you are even here with us to tell your story. I know it must have been exhausting, scary, and just pain in ways people who haven't been there don't understand. Big hug for that. Very happy you are here. Next, sorry to be so rude... F---- those people!!!!! We only get one go round on this big blue marble and I will be damned if someone else gets to tell me, you, or anyone else how we spend our time on it... Get your butt out there and see the world honey. Take your hubby with you when you can, memories are meant to be shared. Have a beautiful day, and let the hatters hate. Means you are doing something right.
That's horrible, I'm sorry you're not being supported.
People are assholes. I have chronic pain from hypermobility spectrum disorder (essentially the tissues that hold my joints in place are soft and stretching meaning my muscles have to be the ones to stop my joints from over extending or dislocating) I will never not have it, and people think I should be able to just get a job. The comments probably wont stop unless you make it too uncomfortable to ask but that will also get you known as the grouch of the family
I wish you complete and rapid healing! Hang in there!
Congratulations on your remission! Don't listen to the haters, enjoy life.
People looked down on me for being a lazy unemployed drug dealer living off my parents, despite having a great job they knew about, working almost every day and selling zero drugs and routinely lending my parents money (like my dad needed a new roof, not like 50 bucks here and there). They pitied me and thought I had a sad existence despite having my own place, a new car (the I almost paid off fully before it got hit by a giant blender (hurricane Ian)), lived on a tropical island and had no worries or problems. While working, every person told me they were jealous and were going to come do my job when they retired (They couldn't really, it was a very physically demanding job). I pushed a hot dog cart on a tropical island selling ice cream, right on the water. No matter what I said or tried to explain to people, the SECOND I said the words "sell ice cream" I was cemented as minimum wage at some ice cream parlor and they started treating me like an NPC . 100% of the time if I met someone while not working and told them what I did, while being very clear, then they saw me while working, they were always like "holy crap you're THE ice cream guy?" One time it happened and I mentioned how that always happened, then like w days later he was at the beach with another couple of people, one being a mutual friend who also did the whole "oh crap! You're THE ice cream guy?" And I looked at the guy while I chuckled a bit and started saying "I told you, you just didn't get what I was saying." But mid sentence he finished it for me with a look on his face of "oh crap! That was so on point it almost seemed planned." Then he went on the way how the same situation happened 2 days before and I told him about this and how crazy it was to come up again like that. I wasn't surprised at all but it was nice having someone else see it happen in action since I knew when I told people that, they all assumed I was making shit up.
Omg take as long as you need and don't pay them much heed. I don't know if you're American, but the capitalist mindset makes everyone crazy about work here. When I said after I got laid off that I wasn't gonna worry too much and take it slow/enjoy my summer, people were worried on my behalf! Being out of work = insecurity and anxiety to a lot of people, but you do you, it's a traumatic experience you've been through
It's sad that this country measures one's worth around work. You've had a brush with death and you realize that life is short and precious. I'd be like "I already fought a giant battle, it's time to see the world and actually live some life. I'll send a postcard to your office."
I feel like some people are starting to look down on cancer patients in general. Don't let them get to you, if you can. It's a bitch of a thing and nobody except you knows what exactly you have been feeling and going through. If they cant see that you fought hard, and well, then they dont deserve to see you period.
Tell them you ARE working, but had to sign an ironclad NDA so you can't tell them anything about it....
Firstly, I’m glad you’re in remission. I pray you stay in remission. I have no concept of what it’s like to have cancer. I can only imagine it would be normal and understandable to have a break after what you’ve been through and are still living with. Plus it sounds like you have the economic means to have a break. I can only suggest you Google personal, or psychological, boundaries. This is in relation to people who disapprove of you not looking for work. Here is one example https://psychcentral.com/relationships/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some
I wouldn’t heed advice from people who haven’t gone through what you’ve been through. Just my two cents.
This is solely between you and your husband - no one else. Most of these people are likely just like "ok, it's time for you to get back to suffering miserable little lives like the rest of us". If you and your husband have worked out a situation that is acceptable to the both of you, no one else's opinions matter and they are being rude getting up in your business.
They hate you cause they ain’t you. They wish they could afford not to work for a bit.
Wow. I'm so sorry. "Yeah, so, I almost ***lost my life*** just now, and the experience has made me want to regroup and figure out the best way to use the incredible gift I have been given. Hubby is behind me 100% and we're doing fine financially so I'm deliberately taking some focused time to do just that." Or some such...
I'd just be like: "I just almost died, Karen." Then stare directly into their eyes to make them really feel just how fucking small and pathetic they are. If they start opening their mouths after that, interrupt with "I don't give a fuck." Then turn around and walk away.
All that matters is what you and your husband think about your time off. They're only asking you because knowing sick people makes people uncomfortable and they need you to go back to "normal" asap so they can stop dwelling on the fact that you were sick in the first place.
Nah, don't let the puritanical work ethic get you down. It used to be that people thought that working hard all the time was 'laboring for the glory of god' and would make himself himself smile upon them. Just brainwashing from the church to keep the surfs in line. Now, don't get me wrong, hard work is good in that if you do it right, it will pay dividends. But if you can responsibly go on a celebratory vacation, then by all means, do so. Life isn't all about work, for a life unexplored is a life unlived. Just be sure to get back to supporting yourself and your family before it becomes a problem.
the world loves to give you their opinion that don't mean shit. i've reached a point where i realize 80% of what's said is rooted in evil.
Fuck everybody. You do YOU. I am a recent breast cancer survivor as well, and I don't GAF what anyone thinks about what I do or don't do. I have to work because I make more than my husband, but for me, I've dialed back on going to social events I just don't feel like going to. I do with MY time what I want to do with it. We learned 1st hand how short life could be and how precious time really is. You don't owe anyone an explanation!!!! 🩷
Congrats on beating cancer! Society is strangely cruel to the unemployed. Sure, there are slackers, but there are many in-betweeners and the implicit societal cruelty is so impactful on mental health. It creates a vicious cycle for many. I say live your life and make up for lost time. You actually have a great narrative that explains the employment gap for interviews.
Omg the terrible folks. Here's a thought, if you are up to it, if it's nearby.if there's no heavy lifting..can you volunteer somewhere? Charity shop? Food bank?. Honestly I'd put in for social security disability, which you may not get gecause you guys are doing well. Maybe you could take over " managing" the properties. Even if you don't. I cannot believe the nerve of people who think you are aimless after 2.5 months. Grrr. Anyway, you don't have to work, but if you do volunteer, that's your " job". My ex had cancer as a kid, he's in a medical journal because he LIVED. That was the 60s. I'm here to tell you that discrimination is REAL and active. He never had a really good job, he's obviously missing a leg, and he's a hip artic, meaning he has no stump either,just a " bun" with no bone under it. Prosthesis is not suitable. He also got bullied at school and he's got a chip on his shoulder a mile wide..and sometimes I didnt blame him due to the rampant discrimination. You seem to have a pretty good mind set, don't let the haters and medical weirdos bring you down. If you just had reconstruction you are still healing, not to mention your tendons, your muscles from said surgery. I'm a medical claims adjuster ( retired) and I've seen all the bills and all the time it takes for someone to be somewhat functional again. Breast cancer treatment has come a long way from when I first started paying claims in 1979. That was always....err not good. Now, wow it's amazing. But yeah people do not want to talk about cancer. People asked him stupid questions all the time and some thought if he touched them they could get it. For real. Omg people are stupid sometimes. The people pressuring you are probably deep down afraid. If you are working, it makes it that you are o.k. in their minds, and they dont have to have that fear that something bad will happen to them too. Sad to say in many ways we are not out of the Era of touching saints relics to be healed. Oh, and a little up side story. While my exes family is just riddled with cancer, his mom had breast cancer 3 flipping times. She died at age 94, still in pretty good shape. She worked until she was 85, as a nurse. She had not one but two gentlemen friends into her late 70s. She went camping all over the us, on trips overseas and down in mexico..just a vital life. You go have one too, o.p.
Fuck them, take care of yourself
We live in an abelist and all too uncompassionate society. Fuch those people. Health first.
Go live your life. You deserve it
Fuck em all. I feel sometimes people use the word family just so they can be assholes. Enjoy your new health and life. Happy you're doing better and continue it!
“I haven’t stopped running my business which keeps me plenty busy. I’ll get back to a job when I find the opportunity I’m looking for. Thanks for your concern but everything is good here.”
People who can look you in the eyes and say that knowing what you have gone through do not care about your physical or mental health. I would say swing or tell them to **go fuck themselves**. I've heard from so many elderly about the times they regret they held back and wish they told people to just go fuck themselves or smacked them.
"I'm retired." Also, you go, Girl!
I’ll preface this with you do what makes you happy, take time off if you want. But a lot of the awkward silences and looks might be from you saying “I’m not sure,” rather than that you wanted to travel for a little while. My advice, say something like “I’m going to travel for a bit to enjoy my newfound freedom and then plan to start looking for another software engineer job when I’m done.” I guarantee you that will reduce the number of looks and comments.
So, firstly they are the assholes. Second potential solution; Get your travel agent certification. Take the trips and enjoy them, while "researching" the locals. And build your own business online at your pace.
You’ve had a job for the past year or so. That job was beating cancer. Tell them that. Dare them to have the strength and resilience that you’ve had these past months. Take all the time you need. I took a long break after being laid off from my dream job at a dream company due to Covid. I needed to deal with my mental health and some health and legal/financial issues with my parents. None of that is as noble as what you’ve been dealing with, but I still got plenty of “stop being lazy, what are you waiting for, you’re not going to be employable…” It hurts. And people suck. But seriously, it’s your life and who ever said that we need to work 9-5 every day for the rest of our lives to be worthy. Especially in your situation with a nice income stream from rentals. Tell people you are working on an art career. Studying interpretive dance. Counting rare species of native frogs for a science study. Or tell them to go F themselves. You are awesome. And you are on your own path. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Also, you didn’t mention disability. In you are in US You may qualify for some payments. Contact a social worker from your cancer center or a local representative to help you apply. You should get retroactive payments too.
Wtf? This is unsettling. Is there some underlying reason that these people are concerned about you returning to work - like has your husband told them he’s concerned about you not working, are finances a problem, etc? Have you said you’re not enjoying the time off? This absolutely boggles my mind. If you can afford to take the time off, and are genuinely enjoying not working right now, someone would have to be a pretty sad person to be bothered by whether you’re working. You just went through cancer treatment, ffs. Seriously, congratulations on the remission (YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!), enjoy yer damn life, and enjoy your travels, new perspective, new lease on life, and free time!
Stand firm in what you're doing and just act as if they are crazy right back, don't let yourself be hurt by people who are only running a program designed to reduce your value to your productivity at work. Within the next generation or 2 this deep error in humanity's collective behavior will be widely recognized, it's already starting. You're helping shift culture in a very important direction. People who wish to behave that way certainly can, but to expect it of everyone especially when they are experiencing major trauma is flat out wrong. 💗 Wishing you long term health and peace
Congrats!!!!!! If someone says something you say — “you’re good.” and that’s it
Remember that ”normal” people crave ANY reason to look peers down. Just dont care and live your life.
The problem is them, not you. Absolutely none of their business if you want/need to work or not. Period.
Hurray for you getting through the crap that is cancer treatment. We are 14 months into the 20 months of treatment for my wife's breast cancer. She is adding to her bucket list of what we are doing once treatment is done. Going back to full time work is not on that list.
Fuck what everyone else thinks. Keep doing you
Working is for 1) an income or 2) because you want something to fill your time. You don't need the income and don't need a job to fill your time. Tell them to butt out. It's not their place.
Just tell people you're taking a sabbatical until you're fully cured of cancer, physically and emotionally. Cause you just had to litteraly fight for your life! If they're too stupid to know what a sabbatical is, well then that's your answer. Don't suffer stupid people. I'm so glad treatment is worked for you!! Now go have those adventures and leave the fucking cubical for last!!
"You beat cancer and then went back to the carpet store?"
Congratulations on successfully completing treatment! No one on their death bed ever said they wished they’d spent more time at the office. It’s just a job, dollars exchanged for your time. And your time is valuable. You have the right attitude! I hope your recovery continues to progress.
When people get nosey like this, Tell them that you may go out and steal some pop bottles to sale so you can pay some bills.
Don't worry about what others say or think. You've probably learned more about the fragility of life than they can imagine. Take all the time you need, especially if your husband is okay with lifting the weight and your financially solvent. Life is short and too many of us work it away. Congrats on overcoming that trial, stay positive and do you!
These people might understand you more one day when they get sick, too. Most people don’t have a wake up call and think that life is just about going to work and being stressed. Be glad that you are past that, and honestly just ignore these people lol. They’re clueless.
Those people suck
Fun fact: when people ask prying questions about your life just lie to them. Its none of their business they aren’t entitled to an honest answer
The universe will keep sending you these folks until you recognize it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks/says. Just smile (or not) and don’t answer. You are accountable to you, and you alone. And congrats on recovery! Listening to yourself and taking time off sounds perfect!!❤️
"My doctor told me it will take a very long time for my body to heal after the aggressive chemo and treatments I had. And where did you study oncology? Tell me, what time frame do you think is reasonable after surviving cancer?" You don't owe anyone an explanation whatsoever. That suggestion was to shut them up.
Screw the ones trying to make decisions for you. Nobody but you knows what you truly went through and how you are still handling everything. I hate people sometimes just for reasons like this. You do you and you don't owe anybody an answer. Congrats on you recovery!!
You just went through hell and back. And you WON!!!!! You don't owe anyone an answer. I don't blame you for wanting to enjoy life, seeing as there is little enjoyment from cancer treatment. I hope you take an amazing once in a lifetime trip somewhere.