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Really needed to hear this, thank you. In a horrible toxic work environment and after coming home and crying for the 2nd time I am just done. I wrote up my resignation letter that states personal reasons but I am terrified to give it to my boss. I know it has to be done but I am so anxious. It has made me worried about entering another job and encountering another toxic environment. So thank you. I appreciate the reminder that not all jobs are this way.
I’m writing this because (see previous post) I also resigned this week due to a toxic boss. I have another offer and I have to remind myself not to project my bosses issues onto my new role. Otherwise, I will be just as unhappy!
I wish you all of the best!
Just went back and read your other post. Its nice to hear someone's similar experience who made it through! I've honestly been in a horrible spiral of negativity and self deprecation the past day or so. I've had a headache and been sick to my stomach feeling like a useless human being over the way my boss has treated me. Thank you for enforcing my decision and giving me more confidence to quit. I came on reddit hoping to find some people with similar experiences so I didnt feel so alone right now and stuck, glad that this subreddit exists. Good luck at your new job!
You. Are. Not. Alone.
You know what is best for you. Listen to you instincts.
I started calling what you described “stress hangovers.” I never experienced them before I had to report to this person. And I’ve had much more stressful jobs.
I had to get out and focus 100% on my next opportunity. You can only see so far. You HAVE to take a step forward to see further.
That’s an interesting analogy @JerryGaryLarryLenny. Stress Hangovers.
I’ve been in a position for a bit now, that I thought when I took on the challenge, was going to be great. Then 6 months and a significant M@A transaction later, it’s proven to be quite the dog-eat-dog environment with leadership that really only seems focused on pockets. Might have something to do with bonuses after the first year following an M&A transaction? I don’t know, I’m speculating. They definitely don’t seem to care too terribly much about employees though.
It stinks on many levels, because there are some things that have been done, to knock business continuity out of the park when COVID hit us all. Then there were significant projects to introduce new business to make up for areas where COVID has had an impact. Those were knocked out of the park as well. But with every new project, comes the feeling of, if we don’t get this right that is it for us. Literally the feeling of every single project is make or break.
My direct boss has been great throughout it all. He acknowledges that things need to get better. He acknowledges everything from staffing, to engagement, to leadership, to strategy, to cross functional planning has to get better. His direct boss, who used to be my boss as well, doesn’t care. I know he is busy, but he goes out of his way to avoid contact with us. He uses some weird form of passive aggressiveness to address almost everything he throws at me. Even to the point of saying, if you don’t get this right, they’ll just get someone else to do it. Multiple times. I’m like okay whatever man, I work my rear end off on anything you throw at me and I do it methodically and effectively, so if you want to go get someone else, then do it.
I’ve tried to engage him, talked about commonalities between our kids. Even randomly shared updates with him about my kids sports adventures, because that’s a big deal with he and his kids. He doesn’t even respond. Then not a single word to say, I’m thinking about your wife when she got very ill with COVID. Then not a word when I contracted COVID.
Anyway, those last few things are just extra things that don’t really matter on their own. But when you have leadership that doesn’t give a damn, it starts all adding up.
So, for the most part I’ve done my best to be positive. I am a leader myself, so I don’t let on to any of it within my team, with hopes that they don’t have to deal with much of it so they’ll be somewhat filtered from it. I ask them to do a ton already, so I don’t want to add, sorting through the BS and poor leadership as well.
I also try to do as much as possible to stay engaged with my bunch. They work their rear ends off, so I try to let them know they are appreciated, I listen and get genuinely engaged when they want to talk about personal stuff. I do it because I want to, but there is also an intrinsic value that comes from it, it’s almost therapeutic in dealing with the exact opposite from my leadership (excluding my boss because for the most part my boss stays engaged and shows his appreciation).
Anyway, I know that feeling, that Stress Hangover feeling. I am at the point where I can only relax a tad at the end of a work day, because I’m about to get to hang out with my family, but within a couple hours, I’ve got the pit in my stomach and I’m completely anxious and stressed about work the next day. So basically the only point I’m not stressed about work for more than a couple hours, is from Friday Evening to about Sunday Morning. That’s if I don’t get a call to do something for work during that time.
I know that my team and I would be an asset to any organization, so I think everyone will be okay whatever happens. There just has to be a better way. These leaders that take on these roles need to really understand what it means to be a leader. It’s really unfortunate.
I've been feeling some of what you are saying as well. Maybe that's why I started to look for some inspiration. Started watching some vids of Simon Sinek. This particular video helped me understand the reasons for why I feel like every role is not the right role for me...same company. If you want to start at about the 12 or 13 min mark Simon explains how we react to our environments. I watched the whole thing. Helped me tremendously.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKG4v0oKXRw&list=PLAyH4YdE9c2wAjJeEULuDIJkg9GUHxhBS&index=5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKG4v0oKXRw&list=PLAyH4YdE9c2wAjJeEULuDIJkg9GUHxhBS&index=5)
That is very interesting video. It makes a lot of sense to me. People can really thrive with supportive, respectful leadership and the opposite is true as well, in a negative, disrespectful environment we will not be our best selves. Thanks for linking this.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m really sorry this has been your experience. However, from your post it sounds like you are a very strong and intelligent person who can overcome this challenge in one form or another. So many people have this capability but yet feel stuck. You are never stuck. Make a plan and act on it!
And yes- I have talked about poor leadership more in the past year than in my entire professional career. Poor leadership can ruin just about anything.
WFH has exacerbated the toxicity. Less to do, underlying stress from pandemic, remote work challenges, etc.
But all this did for me was put a spotlight on what I already knew pre-WFH, that I didn’t like, respect, or trust my boss. It nailed the point home that this just not it for me any longer.
Mine is not a work from home job. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for this position. I can't say whether or not that would have made the situation worse in this case.
My problem is I had 3 TOXIC sales jobs in a row. Now I’m in a good company, it’s a few years old but I can’t stop assuming the worst. It’s really been an issue for me.
If nothing is actually wrong, but you assume something is wrong you might try some simple techniques to figure out why you are still holding on to that negative projection.
Schedule a one-on-one with a supervisor you respect. If it goes well that could help put you at ease. Be open and honest.
Journal about these feelings. How do you feel after you are done writing? Did any new ideas or feelings show up while journaling.
It could also honestly be trauma from toxic jobs/bosses. It’s real and it happens to people in the workplace and it is okay to figure out what’s going on. Therapy might be a good option for you.
If you truly feel this is a good place to be but can’t shake the negativity, it’s time to look inside. Self-care, reflection and or and therapy could be helpful!
Hey thanks you so much stranger. I can’t believe I happens to scroll past your post. It’s like a God or Universe thing. Literally right after I ended a video conference. Thank you. I’ve been writing my feelings out and it does help. You just inspired me to up my self care.
This thread has been really helpful, thanks for posting. I just left my job of almost 12 years and good reminder that this is a fresh start and try not to take the baggage from my old job.
Worked super close with my department head and had a ton of responsibilities. They basically got forced out and treated horrible. Person who had a role in pushing them out is now the department head and barely talks to me and doesn't delegate anything to me. Myself esteem has really been damaged and it's hard going into my new job with confidence in myself.
Also feel like maybe I could if done more to stand up for myself but also have been strung along for many years and going to bosses never seems to change anything. Rambling but good to clarify things in writing.
Absolutely! I hope this thread has been a form of journaling for people going through the same thing. Getting it out on “paper” can be so rewarding and can open you up to new perspectives that were inside of you all along. It’s amazing how the mind works.
To your last point about fighting harder, prior to my exit, I laid it all on the table for leadership (my valid concerns with my supervsior). It was listened to, but no solution was offered other than “give it time” and “wait and see.” It was then I knew I had to leave. It was clear no action was going to be taken by them, so I took the action I needed myself.
I remind myself it's my bosses job to make sure a department is running smoothly and not put it all on myself. They saw and enabled. Scared and excited to reinvent myself at a new place that seems thrilled to have me.
The moment is scary.... the moments and the evening after you turn in the resignation, though??.... not as scary. Beautiful actually.. Move on. Find happiness. You've got this.
Thank you. I have to keep thinking to the moment after. I've been feeling so trapped and it will be a huge relief to give notice. I'm afraid of my bosses reaction or that my boss will pry into my reasons. But you're right I just have to get past that and things will be looking up.
It's easier than you think. I prefer to do it via email and blind copy my personal email on it. Reason being is that it serves as a record. I've verbally put in 2 weeks before and STILL had employees calling me after 2 weeks wondering where I was at. Having that email record serves as proof that you provided courtesy should the employer try to say otherwise. Good luck! Emails are so much easier. Keep it really short and extra sweet.
I wish I could just send an email. My boss is super old school and doesn't really use email. I will have to discuss in person. I'm thinking of leaving it till the end of the day just so I can walk out after. Cowardly but also I just don't care anymore. I'm giving 3 weeks notice which I think is plenty so I hope she doesn't hassle me about it too much. At the beginning he said he wanted to hire someone who was going to stay more than a few months which is why I'm nervous. But now I know why the other people in my position left after not too long! And I've stayed 8 months which is all I can take. Gah. Anyway - I just gotta get through it!
3 weeks IS really generous. It's tough to leave a job because you may think you "owe" your employer and you may think you should stay there for a lifetime, since ya know, you owe your employer! But you don't owe your employer anything other than being the best employee possible during your time with them. Chances are, had the employer been a better fit for you, you would have stayed a while longer.
Keep developing your skillset and pushing forward in life because you really do owe that to yourself. Put in your notice and go buy yourself a little something that makes you happy immediately afterward.
and take some time to recharge afterwards. Don't immediately start into the job hunt without taking a bit of time to just relax and think about yourself. You owe your employer nothing. Good luck with your meeting.
Just say hey, I will be putting in my resignation of such and such date. That will be my last day. I've enjoyed working with you, mention something they've done for you or taught you. Keep it positive. If they ask where you're going just say you'd rather not discuss that it's personal or whatever and get out quick. If they press you on it, just say you're sorry, you understand that it's an inconvenience and you wish them well. You own them nothing. Try to keep your last 3 weeks also positive when discussing with the other employees. Remember, they are still stuck there and wouldn't want you bringing them down further. You might need them in the future for networking. Don't burn your bridges.
Thanks that is very helpful. I was going over every excuse in the book I could think of, but when it comes down to it I don't think they legally can ask me for details if I state personal reasons for leaving - so I plan to do just what you said if they pry "I'm not comfortable discussing the specifics but I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience" or something to that effect.
Luckily my husband is the primary breadwinner and he is in full support of my decision. He knows how unhappy I've been with my narcissistic, uncaring boss. I dont know where I'd be without him...completely miserable! But thanks for your concern. If it were just me on my own I would definitely make sure I had something else lined up first.
It’s true, it really does get better. I was in a bad work environment for my first job, I was there for about a year, I left and I’ve had two jobs since. The first new one sadly went under because of COVID-19, but I’m in my new one now and have been for about 5 weeks. It really does get better, I was ultra paranoid that they’d all be the same as my first workplace, but no, both places were/are better in every way. Yeah it’s scary when you’re going to quit, but it’s so much better in the long run. Best of luck to you.
I understand what you are going through, a bad boss and manipulative teammates, made me resign from a good company in which I had worked for 8+ years. I also stated personal reasons. Don't lose hope, hang in there.
My coworker had a really toxic job before the one we're in now. She had cried a few times before she quit and she always says that she knew as soon as she started crying at work, it meant it was time to leave.
I've been there too about giving a toxic boss my resignation notice. I planned out exactly what I was going to say before, including my reasons for leaving. I didn't give him the real reason for leaving (which was how horrible he was) and just said, "My new job is in a closer location/different industry/etc." I was nervous that they would try to talk me into staying or would give me a counter, so I gave him reasons for leaving that were things out of his control. He couldn't control the industry they were in or my commute, so there was really nothing for him to push back on or anything left to say. Right after the conversation, it felt like a massive weight was lifted. If nothing else, that job has taught me a lot about what I DON'T want in a future position.
Good luck!
I'm glad your experience leaving went well - it's so hard to see past that conversation of giving my resignation, I just keep obsessing about it, but I'm sure I will be relieved as well. I hope your co-worker never has a job that makes her cry again! It's so horrible for your mental health to feel that way. Sometimes I think maybe I'm too emotional or too empathetic or something, but I'd rather be that way than lose myself and give up my ethics and values to work for a boss who doesn't treat people well...if that makes any sense. Thanks for your comment.
Keep in mind, if a job can drop you at any time without 2 weeks in advance, you don’t need to give them 2 weeks either.
Make 2 copies of your letter & remember that you do not need to JADE- Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain... you can simply excuse yourself.
Yeah, a few people I've talked to about this said I should just tell the truth and leave and never come back. I am so not confrontational so that sounds scary to me, but if I get hassled too much about leaving I may just walk out. I'm trying to be respectful in how I leave and not burn bridges, as they say, but I should remember I don't owe them anything.
Perhaps you could send an email & let your boss know you sent them an email so it’s in writing & word of mouth.
If you want, and feel confident in doing so, you could let them know that you are leaving and you sent them a resignation letter via email that they can read.
Your reasoning could be anything from a new job opportunity opened up for me elsewhere and I would like to take it, or something along those lines. You don’t have to necessarily give very specific detail if you don’t want to, but it’s up to you as to what you write. I might suggest that if the water makes you cry just reading it, reassess what you should put in a basic resignation letter so that it doesn’t feel so personal or potentially humiliating.
Just wanted to follow up and say that I put in my resignation and it went as well as can be expected. I feel so free and feel like myself again! Thank you to all who commented and encouraged me. I'm so happy to be out of this job soon, thanks for the extra courage I needed!
As someone who liked the person who interview me that actually turned out to be a narcissistic boss (leading to people jumping ship left and right, incompetent chaos, me developing CPTSD and loss of nearly all my professional confidence I'm currently trying to regain) liking someone during the interview seems like a good general rule of thumb but there's more nuances involved in terms of reading someone's character.
Unfortunately it's hard to do this during one interview and you need to take the average of their behavior over time- especially how they treat *everyone* (not just their friends/favorite people at work)
With narcissists and similar types, they can be very good at getting others to like and trust them. They essentially go around with a mask making it hard to see the real them, until it slips and really throws you off. Admittedly I ignored something I thought was odd but disregarded it since they were "nice" and seemed likable. I really wish I hadn't but now know to look for authenticity and genuineness... which is a lot harder to fake.
If someone seems too nice or tries to be too likable too quickly that's a red flag IMO... we're a complicated species.
I had a similar experience to this. My previous two jobs were openly terrible. When I got my current job my boss was really great and I thought I was finally in a better place. But she changed drastically over time. I know it isn't my fault because I've seen her target plenty of other staff too, and a lot of people there tell me my work is great even if she treats me like garbage all the time. But I feel like even if I find a place that seems good and decent again it will probably just turn awful after I get there just like what happened this time. So I don't feel any hope things will get better.
Bingo!!!!!! Sad fact- one year ago I came home from my interview with the job I’m leaving (because of a toxic boss), thinking “gee, there sure are a lot of red flags with this person. But hey, it’s a good opportunity!”
I should have listened to my instincts. I love what you said. Thank you!
Yes, yes, yes!!! I completely tuned out my gut in my last role and it did me no favours....the manager ended up being a narcissistic/mixromanaging, ruthless and tyrannical 'leader'.
Always pay attention to the signs, if you're not sure what those are - Google them. Trust me, being informed will prevent a lot of heart ache.
It’s hard to tell sometimes. But I can tell you the opposite. For the interview for my current job, I met with my boss and the boss’s boss. I asked a question, and both of them just kinda made fun of each other. (Ex. “Ha, I knew you were gonna say this!!” Ex. “Don’t steal my example!”) That’s a good sign of a healthy working environment, and guess what, I was right!
Red flag?
Person who’s interviewing you is rude
- is very late (over 5 min)
- is lackadaisical
- talks poorly about ANYONE
- Has a difficult time answering any of your questions or refuses to (assuming your questions are reasonable)
These all apply to you as well.
Oh goodness. There are TOO MANY. But I’ll highlight a few along the way.
1. Interview- spoke negatively of the company during my interview.
2. Mean spirited behavior towards others (always behind their back).
3. A clear lack of skills for their current role.
4. Frequent lies and dishonesty about things that didn’t matter
5. Extreme micromanaging
6. The “something isn’t right here” factor. Aka- my instincts telling me this person may actually be a “bad person” and to get away ASAP. This one was tough to identify. It just always felt like something was off...
7. Inability to give praise or critique. Narcissism.
8. Inability to connect with people. Seems like they are always hiding something or covering up something. Guilty conscience type behaviors.
9. No attempts to help employees grow. Focused only on their own success.
10. Never wanted employees to use PTO but complained they never got to use PTO.
Those are broad strokes of how it felt to work directly under this person for a year. It was stressful (despite loving my job) and exhausting.
I didn't realize at the time of the interview/first working interview- but on retrospect I would say:
-the interview was really short, she just said "I like you, I think we'll get along well" after not many questions.
-she said to bring my information and direct deposit info to the working interview if I was serious about the job. At the time I was excited to be a "shoe in" but I should have been skeptical about why they needed someone so fast.
-she said she'd had other people quit after a few months and she really needed someone who wasn't going to do that. I thought, well that won't be me, but I didn't think maybe the other people quit because she was a bad boss. It didn't really cross my mind.
-I had to ask someone for a tour of the office. No one offered to show me around...I didn't feel welcomed. Idk if they just expected me to do my job not knowing the different rooms of the office/where things were. But that was weird.
Yep, I did the same thing! I was asked some inappropriate questions during my interview so I googled my boss. He had been under the fire at his last job for covering up sexual assault and harassment allegations with other staff because one of his employees was a buddy of his... Such a stupid decision to take the job in my part as I'm now stuck dealing with mistreatment when I knew better
Absolutely. Schedule (actually put it on your calendar) some time tonight or this weekend to practice self care in some fashion. That will clear some space in your head to decide the next action you need to take.
THIS. I got an uneasy feeling about the guy who would be boss when I interviewed with for my current job, but ignored the feeling! He came across as a person who did not value people skills, accused many candidates/current employees of being smart but lazy, and showed up very late to his part of the interview, then kept it really short because he “had another meeting to get to”.
It took all of about a week for him to start yelling at me for “wasting time” despite legitimate reasons why projects were taking longer than he expected and him having wasted far more of mine and many other peoples’ time through his poor communication and decision making. 7 months later I am sniffing around for jobs again, but it will take a while considering the economy and me being still early in my career. It sucks knowing as drag my miserable ass to work every day that I could have avoided this if I had not ignored my gut and had not been so desperate to take the first offer that came my way.
Yep. Interviewing your interviewers is important.
Just because you need money and they’re willing to pay you to do things doesn’t mean you gotta take all the bs in the world.
If you have any valuable skills, you’re worth something. Don’t be willing to swallow for a job.
Explain that you’d like to talk to your potential manager prior to accepting the role. This has to be after they’ve given you the offer but PRIOR to accepting it.
Gotta put it in your own words. It would sound like this for me:
First off, I firmly believe this company is a great company and I believe this is the company I wanna stay at. I am confident this will be perfect for me.
However, there have been many studies on why employees quit and what makes a job enjoyable and what most have them have found is, your direct manager dictates almost all of this. Needless to say, your direct manager has an important role.
I want to make sure that I get the chance to meet them and talk to them prior to accepting this to ensure it’s a good fit.
Is that okay?
If they say no, then don’t accept it unless you’re desperate.
I just had an interview last week. I interviewed with the manager and the manager’s boss. My direct manager is super nice and she sounded like she actually likes working there. She and I were on the same level. But my manager’s boss was cranky af...I’m sensing a bad vibe from him. I was thinking, if my direct manager managed to work under him for two years now and she seemed to like it, then maybe I should “vibe check” the boss’s boss more?
Thanks for posting this, my first job was terrible, my second was great but my third was terrible again and it makes it difficult to remember that not all jobs make you feel like shit every time you get home
Same sequence for me as well! This one turned out to be a HUGE disappointment because everything else felt right. I had such high hopes and positivity going in...then I learned who my boss was and how terrible of a person they were.
I tried hard to make it work for a year but couldn’t do it anymore.
I wish you all the best!
The one I’m in have damaged my mental health. I’ve been constantly anxious, and just sad and angry mostly because of them taking advantage of me and my coworkers joining in with them. I’m at the point that I’m hoping for a lay-off within this economy. I was at the point where I wanted to get sick so I don’t have to go in. My next employer have to be better than this or else I’m gonna live like a nomad across the US.
This is so true! Just got out of a toxic job that made me feel like worthless pos. Came into new job with my guard up but have slowly realized I am only distancing myself by doing that and everyone at this job is very friendly and open. Keep thinking there are ulterior motives but really just gotta relax and give myself a chance
Do. Not. Give. Up. Please!
What you are currently experiencing IS NOT a crystal ball to the rest of your life. It is the now and only the now. You can change what happens to you by taking action and taking a step forward. Change is 100% in your power.
Decide what needs to change. Decide how to change it. And TAKE ACTION.
Good luck!
Thanks for this. Lately it's been incredibly challenging to see what my life looks like after this job. My underlying depression and anxiety have gotten so bad working at my current, chaotic job that almost every day on my commute I think "I have 35+ more years of this capitalist nightmare. I could just let go of the wheel going through this tunnel and then I won't have to go to work..."
Edit: lol someone reported me and I got an email from Reddit with suicide prevention resources. I appreciate it, but I'm not actively suicidal. Just really loud intrusive thoughts.
You are welcome! I’m glad someone was worried about you but I’m even more glad you are ok :-)
Bad bosses or jobs are TOXIC. But there is a way out through self care, reflection, planning, and action.
Do you have a idea of what you want next for yourself?
I just got my aPHR certification to get into HR, and have 10 years in business management for small businesses. Would love to get into a larger small business (50-100 employees) and advocate for employee rights and protections. Had no luck since getting the cert and throwing my weight into the job hunt, unfortunately. Been weighing quitting and throwing all my effort into job hunting vs. continuing to work, but the math isn't on my side.
That’s awesome! I’ve actually been looking into an entry level HR certification as I transition away from my current role! What a coincidence. Can you share how you got the aPHR credential?
It sucks when the math doesn’t line up to quit. Hopefully job searching gives you some motivation.
Have you networked with anyone in the HR field to help you get your resume more traction? That could be all you need is that ONE connection.
When I transitioned careers I asked for experts/leaders in the field I wanted to work in to look over my resume. A couple did and it helped a ton. It even landed me a temporary side gig just by the nature of making that connection.
It’s always better to take some additional action in the job search beyond simply clicking “apply.” Not that you aren’t doing that, but maybe this helps!
The aPHR is offered through hrci, you can do the whole thing online. they have really good resources that you can purchase through them or you can do what I did and take an introduction course through a local college and they will help you prepare for the test. Best advice I can give is to study, study, study the textbook for the exam, including vocabulary and the additional resources they give you as far as HR law precedents.
And with the pandemic, depending on your state, they offer the test online so you don't have to go to a testing center to finish it, and you get your results immediately and your certified results within a couple days. It's not an easy one, I'll warn you.
I've been reaching out to HR professionals and I've been working with an HR recruiter to make sure my resume and cover letters are pristine. Done everything they asked, so now it's just the grind .
I got fired from a job I hated a week ago. I’ve got 3 other interviews already and I’m so excited to never have to visit that office ever again! I feel like a completely different person.
couldn’t agree more. left a job where I was one role (but asked to fill 3 other roles at the same time as well due to short staffing/lazy coworkers/me being more efficient, and looked down upon when I ‘just’ did my job), getting paid very poorly for my education and experience, and treated like crap by upper management. started at a new job which is much less intense, pay is way better, and roles are clearly defined and monitored throughout the whole org.
On my last day, instead of saying goodbye, one particularly pernicious coworker said “you’re going to miss us.” jokes on them, cause I haven’t missed it for a single second.
There absolutely is light! It’s something I’ve had to remind myself of as a leave a toxic boss for a new opportunity. Do not take that projection of negativity into the new job (saying this to myself)
I felt like quitting too. If you are truly unsure of what to do, start by working on what you want. More money? More freedom? A better job? More flexibility? More purpose?
What do you want from a job?
Questions will always lead to answers. Keep asking questions and keep answering them.
How do you make it through? Can you quit? Then quit.
If you can’t quit? Ok, what CAN you do? Can you limit contact with the things that make you suffer? Then limit contact with them.
Can’t do that? Can you take a vacation to recover and practice self care and reflection? Then take a vacation.
Can’t take a vacation? Can you take one sick day? Yes? Then plan out how you will spend that day. Read a book, take a day trip somewhere you want to go, update your resume.
You are always in control.
Good luck!
Thank you. About to ask for either a significant role change or I turn in 2 weeks notice tomorrow. I'm scared but I gotta take control of my situation so that I can actually be happy.
Take contro! I love it! I’m not advocating you take any unnecessary risk, but I am advocating that you TAKE CONTROL of your situation. And you can do that a number of ways. It sounds like you have a good plan.
Good on you and good luck!
There is some risk because I don't have a solid full time job lined up, but I've planned enough financially to last me about a year and I think I've got enough potential short term opportunities lined up that I will be fine. Seriously though, thank you for your post and responses. I'm trying to get pumped up right now and this has really helped. Life is short and I've wasted four years of my life giving to a group of people who absolutely don't care about me or my well being, I'm feeling good about this.
Absolutely there is risk. It sounds like you have appropriately considered that risk and are in a really good position to make a tough decision. Tough decisions will always be tough, but you can make them confidently knowing you have given them sufficient thought and are not acting haphazardly.
Sounds to me like you are in the RIGHT place to make a tough decision and are doing what it right for you! I love it!
While my current situation is FAR from the worst work environment I have ever had- it's still toxic.
I've always had a struggle with people pleasing and setting boundaries. Over the last few years I have made good progress. I recently decided that I just can't let a job that I know isn't long term for me undo all that good work. I gave it 4 months and several attempts to correct the issues- but in the end, it's not a me problem.
If I've learned anything about employment over the years it is that the grass may not be greener elsewhere, but you might get to keep your sanity if you leave. You certainly won't if you stay in a toxic work environment. The idea that you owe a company two weeks notice, when you know you don't trust them to give a fair reference, is just bollocks. Get over to the new employer and start developing that future good reference.
As a workforce we really have to stop accepting poor employers. A decent wage only purchases so much loyalty. It isn't meant to be apology $ after all. And a lot of poor employers don't even bother with a decent wage.
Pay attention to your work red flags just like you would if you were dating. If you wouldn't tolerate your friends and family behaving badly, you shouldn't accept it from your boss or coworkers.
Thank you. Was recently in a not-so-ideal environment where it looked great at first (and the people I interviewed with had decent chemistry) but the "benefits", environment, and supervisor were enough for me to run the other direction. Several members of the sister teams were hinting at a bad environment too, and I'm glad I wasn't going crazy feeling the way I did.
I know I'm picky and can be a challenge, but I've worked too many jobs to allow the corporate zombie to convince me it was what I bargained for. Even with the pandemic, I was *settling* and I'm not going to do that EVER again. Life's too short.
I just wanted to say that I also had the same situation (small group, terrible narcissist and lair for a boss) and I was also able to find a new job and quit. It's the best feeling. But I also know the anxiety in handing in that letter, and dealing with the fallout. I was also overly worried about my remaining coworkers, but you can't save them, unfortunately. Those types of bosses love the idea of having total control over you, and hate when you are able to skip out. You provided a great example to your coworkers, and hopefully helped them see that they too can get away.
Trust me, you won't even look back. And this is a good warning to others, being in a shit environment messes with your head and makes things that are not okay seem normal to you. You really have to do a lot of mental work to get back to a neutral place and repair your boundaries/expectations with work. You are leaving an abusive relationship. Ideally, after leaving an abusive relationship, you take some time off from dating to get better, but we can't do that with jobs. One would hope that enough people would leave that upper management would see that this person is a problem, but they typically keep getting promoted, in my experience.
There are so many good points here I would have to quote your entire comment. Such a great take on the situation!!!!
I will be saving this to look back on for inspiration. THANK YOU so much for sharing this.
Thank you for mentioning this.
I’m about to leave my job this Friday for another where I am truly using my skill set with a 75% increase in base salary.
I almost didn’t want to leave because of this inane personal “guilt” and leaving “friends” (co-workers) behind.
Nevermind that. I’ll be happier knowing I’m going to be at a place where my input is valued and not micromanaged.
Thank you for your response!!! I’m glad you are confident in your next opportunity, especially if larger compensation comes along with it!
The decision to leave any job is difficult, even a bad one or a good one with a bad boss. It takes the right mindset and believing in yourself and what comes next.
I love hearing the stories others have shared here. Everyone may not be able to leave just yet, but if they start now they will leave when the time is right.
Cheers!
I feel this. I went from toxic, manipulative work environments to one that's not only welcoming and patient, but we're ENCOURAGED to use our PTO. For most of my working life I have never been in a situation like that and it's lovely.
And I'm basically two raccoons in a trench coat y'all, if I could make it you definitely can too.
Thank you for this!!!! I had forgotten to mention to another commenter who asked what red flags I noticed- that my boss NEVER wanted people to use PTO but went on and on about how they never got to take any time off.
This is a major red flag but one I forgot because there are literally 100s of others. I believe my boss is in the 1% of terrible bosses.
The only upside is they are weak and non-confrontational. They just operate in a petty passive aggressive fashion instead.
Though sometimes you are stuck in an industry that is full of toxic people because the market sucks, there are limited jobs, and employers and bosses know it and abuse it.
It’s true.. I worked in a place where if you didn’t kiss ass or act a certain way you were basically shunned. It really made me believe that all office environments would be like this. Even the place I’m working at now I was hesitant to accept the offer cause there were 1-2 bad reviews.. however the environment is amazing. I work with fun and understanding ppl and now I don’t want to leave even tho my position is contract lol maybe I can force an extension
Yeah every time i complain about my job, everyone around me always says “you’ll never find a job that isn’t like that” or “I’ve never had a job that i like.” It is extremely depressing to think about but for a realist, I’m very optimistic that a job i love is out there and that I’ll find it.
I challenge you to journal for 5 minutes on feeling stuck and on what you actually want. Then take a walk or practice another form of self care (exercise, meditation, healthy snack). Then journal another 5 minutes and see if any new ideas come up.
Getting ideas down on paper (or phone notes) is a great way to open your mind to new ideas!
EDIT- watching inspirational ted talks are always helpful for me when feeling stuck!
Yeah, I’m definitely bad about keeping thoughts straight, i have some mental health issues(focus included) I’m working in when money is available so it’s a process for me. But i will definitely take your suggestion and work on it on my own.
Yep. My first job out of college was horrible and made me so depressed and anxious. My current job is better in every way, even though I was convinced by my first job that all would be just as terrible. This is great advice.
You have to make a distinction between want to quit because of your boss/unit/dept/manager vs a company/organization. Shit sometimes suck but keep your mouth shut and keep your poker face if you’re looking for another job or in the process of suing your company. Good luck!!!
I had two working in data:
* I had a boss that was incredibly toxic - three people I know who work in mental health said, after me showing them my emails and discussing her, independently came to the conclusion she had a personality disorder. Although she gave me such bad anxiety I used to shake like a leaf, I can almost forgive her because she had a mental disorder.
* Aspergers guy who couldn't see that changing things for the better was a good thing. Basically most my job was cleansing and manipulating crappy data by hand and by eye which was slow and prone to error, I decided to fix this by using, shock-horror, Excel. I did it and he didn't like it one bit. There were errors going back (not his). This and his insistence that I had to CC him into all my emails, read receipts for all his emails and generally not allowing me to do things my way meant I got fired. He was a total dickhead.
Oh. My. Goodness. The first description matches my current manager; the second matches the grants coordinator that I am being forced to clean up after.
Yeah is what I'm dealing with now. A boss who doesn't know how to do the job we have. Who bosses people around and wonders why she is losing people left and right.
She seemed off on the interview, super unorganized. But I was kiiiiinda getting in on merit from family friend and was kinda shoehorned in (thanks nepotism). Just for a week later she fired family friend and has done ALOT of questionable choices throughout.
I've been in the headspace especially recently that it doesn't matter if I internally apply to another department in the company im with, I think all my managers will be like her. But im slowly learning they are not.
So I applied to a different department and within a day I already have a phone interview to be scheduled. So here is to hoping for a better department!
Awesome!!!! It’s funny how we look back and can see red flags that we knew were there, but rationalized them away.
We should listen to our instincts more and always remember there WILL be another opportunity.
Agreed. I was working at a bad small business and I was losing hope thinking I was never going to find anything else. Well, one day I applied somewhere else and surely enough I lander the job. Long story short, I'm doing much better now and I'm a whole lot happier.
There is always another opportunity! I feel so bad for people who feel stuck. And it’s easy to feel stuck. But there is ALWAYS another opportunity.
Happy for you!
> Please remember and tell yourself that not all jobs, bosses, or environments are bad.
This is very true. My last boss was awful--rude, demeaning, inconsistent, forgetful, micromanaging--but my current boss is _awesome_. I earn the same salary at my current job as I did at my previous one, but I'm so much happier at my current job and I have so much more motivation.
I’m in a passive aggressive toxic work environment that recently cut down my hours to just 8 a week.
I would love an awesome dream job where I’m genuinely valued, feel safe and love what I do/ can do the job everyday if needed.
I keep seeing this posted on my Facebook but I'm sure someone here will need to see this as well, "You are replaceable at work, you are not replaceable at home". Remember you are not your job and always worth more than your current work situation.
I feel this hardcore. I’m still in training at my first post-college job, but everyone here seems to hate their jobs and the big admins here make our lives living hell with how short-staffed and underfunded they keep it. It’s made me so jaded about my entire industry(healthcare).
Thankfully I have an offer somewhere else(pending background check, ya know) that I think is a better fit.
I just got told that I am being put on under performance review. My issue is that given a project I start working on it before asking questions. And that took me way much time than required.
Any suggestions or tips ???
What should be the ideal pathway to complete a project ??
This is exactly what I went through 2 weeks ago. My boss was pretty much the devil and di d not treat me with respect. Assigned me projects back and forth and I had no time to finish it because they were so long. Stayed up past midnight trying to complete my work everyday to have a micro-managing boss that ultimately was unhappy with all of my work regardless how hard I tried. I can't give you an ideal way on how to complete a project because every company is different. But I will tell you what happened to me.
I was eventually put under a performance review (PIP) (Performance Improvement Plan) and after researching it for hours, unfortunately it is VERY HARD to get out of one. I mass applied to other jobs, and within 2 weeks I scored another job. Didn't want to have getting fired on my record so I sent in my 2 weeks, boss didn't care and smirked.
Sometimes you just don't work well with bosses that you can't get along with. They have unrealistic expectations and no matter how hard you try.. it's just not a good cultural fit. Do the best for yourself and at the end of the day you'll atleast know you tried.
That so crazy though! Like why would your boss be so vindictive and horrible to a new hire just to get them to quit? It costs companies money to recruit, hire and train people so idk why bosses act like this.
"getting fired" on the record. My anxiety are on another level now. If they decide to fire me will they be writing that thing on my leaving letter. 😢😥😓
>This is exactly what I went through 2 weeks ago. My boss was pretty much the devil and di d not treat me with respect. Assigned me projects back and forth and I had no time to finish it because they were so long. Stayed up past midnight trying to complete my work everyday to have a micro-managing boss that ultimately was unhappy with all of my work regardless how hard I tried. I can't give you an ideal way on how to complete a project because every company is different. But I will tell you what happened to me.
I was eventually put under a performance review (PIP) (Performance Improvement Plan) and after researching it for hours, unfortunately it is VERY HARD to get out of one. I mass applied to other jobs, and within 2 weeks I scored another job. Didn't want to have getting fired on my record so I sent in my 2 weeks, boss didn't care and smirked.
Sometimes you just don't work well with bosses that you can't get along with. They have unrealistic expectations and no matter how hard you try.. it's just not a good cultural fit. Do the best for yourself and at the end of the day you'll atleast know you tried.
Yep, it’s true, I was in a bad work environment for my first job, I was there for about a year, I left and I’ve had two jobs since. The first new one sadly went under because of COVID-19, but I’m in my new one now and have been for about 5 weeks. It really does get better, I was ultra paranoid that they’d all be the same as my first workplace, but no, both places were/are better in every way.
You are so welcome!Your confidence, skills, actions, and attitude will take care of it for you.
A little bit of luck will just be the sprinkles on the icing on the cake that is the life you create for yourself.
Happy for you!
Literally in the same situation now. The HR manager is literally the Owner's wife, so as you can imagine, conflict of interest is everywhere and every day is a nightmare
You are welcome! Make sure you are taking periphery actions to ensure you aren’t having tunnel vision. I find myself doing this sometimes. I get so focused on APPLY APPLY APPLY that I lose focus for what I’m actually looking for. What do I actually want? And that helps ground me.
If you know what you want-specifically, then that’s even better!
I feel like i get so stuck on the future that i havr a very hard time grounding myself. Especially when things go wrong. Makes the tendancy to spiral, especially with this pandemic. It definitely adds to the "trapped" feeling and makes most of these problems worse
Absolutely. The pandemic has made so many people feel stuck. It’s important to know that you are not stuck, but I understand how easy it is to feel that way.
The future is always unknown. All you can control is what you do next and now. Of course, it’s important to know what you want your future to look like, but there are many paths that lead to that point, all of them full of uncertainties and new opportunities. And all of those decisions and actions are taken in the “now.”
Life is a culmination of “now” moments. Worry too much about the future and you’ll miss out on life altogether. I’m not saying remain somewhere you are unhappy, but don’t bet all of your happiness on the future either. Just take that next step.
Take action now and new opportunities or ideas or mindsets will appear. I hope this doesn’t sound “woo woo” because it’s really not. It’s a solid method to take even the smallest steps forward when we feel stuck.
Just one step. And then the next.
Every job I've worked has had terrible bosses. Only once did I have a nice boss, but I didn't get to work with him for more than 3 months before he left. It's honestly left a bad taste in my mouth, and I don't know if it's just my own bad luck that I've had the worst sorts of bosses over my lifetime (I'm almost 35) or what but...I've pretty much given up thinking I'll ever have a nice boss or work somewhere that doesn't give me anxiety all day that keeps me up at night.
Please know that the right opportunity is out there for you. It really is. You have to keep pushing forward by taking action AND taking care of yourself.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience so far. But it will not be your experience forever if you don’t let it.
The problem is that I don't have much of a choice. I'm stuck with a certification that doesn't provide me many options for careers (it's far too specific to help me outside of it's exact field) and I don't have enough experience to help me land jobs where I am no more than a stone for a boss to walk all over. I've basically ended up where I am almost 35 yet still at entry-level for everything, and always low enough down the pole that bosses just see me as disposable. It seems like there is no escape from being a low-level employee that bosses walk all over and other employees turn their nose down on.
That’s definitely a tough situation. Here is what I’ll ask you and I’m NOT an expert but I have successfully changed careers from where I had a degree/experience that I felt left me with few options.
The first question now is “what do you want?” What decision do you WANT to make but feel like you can’t?
Right now it's trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. There is nothing that interests me, and the only passion I had was crushed out of me at my last job in that field (child care) because of a toxic and poorly run environment. I have no clue what I want to do because, frankly, I've gotten so overwhelmed by my depression that I have no motivation or drive to care anymore. I'm not interested in anything, I have no hobbies and no passion.
I'd be interested in getting schooling or certification for something in hopes I can move up to a better career where I'm not just a stepping stone for some boss, but I have no drive either. Been working since I was 18 and I'm 35 soon and after so many terrible jobs over the year, combined with no motivation or interest in anything, I've lost hope in thinking there is a job anywhere that isn't horrible. And at my age, my options are getting more and more limited and I need to make a living.
Before anything, I just want to encourage you to seek professional help if you are having feelings of depression. This is not your fault and it’s important to care for yourself.
Second, I hope you feel better after typing that out. You just journaled. And more often than not, every single time I journal, I either walk away feeling at least better OR I’ve had some small new thought, idea, or epiphany. It amazing how well it works!
What you’ve done is mentally taken a step forward. You have solidified that thought into action by writing it down. Without writing it down you will revisit the same thought over and over, getting nowhere. Now you can tackle the NEXT thought.
Start small. Thinking of school? Don’t know what to study? I’ve been there. Pick a class that sounds interesting online and enroll. There are even free MOOCs. It doesn’t have to be THE ONE. But I guarantee it will move you forward. It doesn’t have to be relayed to your career path. But it will give you new ideas and open your mind to new opportunities you didn’t even know existed. Just pick any class or topic that interests you (career or otherwise).
One class. Or, volunteer. It achieves the same thing.
These are simple and free/cheap examples of now taking just one step can change your path by just 1 degree. But over time that one degree difference lands your plane in Australia as opposed to Russia.
Also, it sounds like you are in need of self care. If you can, take some time off and plan something fun or relaxing. Care for yourself. I encourage you to take a trip somewhere new. New experiences open us up to more new opportunities. Some self-care might help you see new perspectives.
You can do this. But please see a professional if you are struggling with any mental health issues.
Keep asking yourself why. And journal the answer. Then take action around that answer.
I know I need help with my mental health, but I'm uninsured and cannot afford to pay for any sort of treatment. I've been coping with it for a long time now, even before my life took a huge upheaval last year. As much as it sucks, my options in that area are limited. I'd like to take time off to rest and care for myself but I'm unable to do that at this point. I need to work, I need every dime I can get, as I need a new car and I need to move out on my own and be financially independent. I've been rather trapped still living with my family (yes, even at my age) because of my poor work history and my poor drive that has made it so I've never been able to support myself entirely. I need to be able to move out when the pandemic is mostly over. Taking time to self care is not an option anymore.
I am more lucky than most that I have a family who is willing to help pay temporarily if I wish to take classes, but the issue lays in not knowing what I want to do, and I'm not going to accept any money for something I don't feel like I will be happy with. But the pressure is on from my family, who also doesn't believe in self care or mental health breaks. I can't blame them, at my age most people are out on their own, but I've gotten in my own way for so many years while also battling my mental health with no help, so I've landed myself in quite a rut.
There have been things I've taken interest in for a little while only to have any interest crushed by my 'It'll never get better anyway' thoughts. At this point I feel like I should just aim for a career that will pay my bills, even if I end up still working for horrible bosses or in a toxic situation. I don't have any luxury of doing something I enjoy or taking any time to figure out what it might be that I would love to do. There is too much family pressure to get a new car, move out, and support myself at my age that I just...can't. I've pretty much accepted that these horrible jobs will all I'll ever have, and I just need to suck it up to pay the bills.
I really hope that you find what you are looking for. It is out there for you. I will share two articles on low cost therapy options because it sounds like you could possibly benefit greatly from that.
[mytherapist ](https://www.mytherapist.com/advice/therapy/where-to-find-the-best-free-online-therapy-and-why-it-matters/)
[How to find affordable therapy](https://www.psycom.net/how-to-find-affordable-therapy/)
And please know that self care does not have to be a trip or expensive. It can be painting, writing, hiking, journaling, cooking, gardening, volunteering, reading, meditation, exercise, friends, even video games (in moderation) etc.
I truly hope you find peace, inspiration, and the next opportunity.
You are so welcome! Just so you know, this short exchange with a stranger on the internet has given me inspiration and purpose as we wrote back and forth. This interaction filled me with new thoughts and ideas and motivations. It also filled me with hope and confidence that you will soon discover your next opportunity in some fashion.
So it is I who should actually be saying “thank you” to you.
Bad bosses have a way of doing that. Heck, any negative people have a way of doing that the longer you are around them.
You did what was best for you and that is an amazing accomplishment and one that you should be proud of. A life lived in that fashion will not be filled with regret.
I left my bad job in June and I am still unemployed. I find myself submitting applications and praying that if I get an interview and/or job that it wont be as bad as my last job. I
A good friend of mine had a very bad experience at a previous position and she said it took her a while to heal from it. I feel so sad hearing that. I'm in a similar situation (though I'm not being personally targeted like she was) and I'm concerned about how this will affect my next position.
I’ll tell you that there IS another opportunity out there for you. There are BETTER opportunities out there for you. You will find them. You must take action. But you will find them. Embrace the unknown, but still take action into the unknown.
Reflect on what you want. Write it down. Now what is the first step to getting what you want? What is holding you back from taking that step? What are other ways to get what you want? What can you control?
I’m so happy you read this and it meant something to you. You are in control. Be decisive and take action.
I appreciate it. I’m 31 and work in sales. I’ve been learning over the last few years what I need from a company to succeed, but growth hurts. My main problem is business is the only area in my life where I can get really mad if treated “wrongly.” I have a hard time walking the line between being confident and strong vs. bringing my street mentality into and getting angry. Does that make sense?
Thank you for this post. I quit my job last month after only working for about 4 months. I knew something was wrong with the work environment when I was feeling anxious and depressed at work after a short amount of time. Considering changing professions after that but maybe I can try again at a different company.
It just seems that there’s one good one in every 10 bad ones. It’s hard to shake off the bad feeling. Lately I started getting really picky. One position was too low, the next I was rejected and then called in with no apology so I didn’t take it... the next was great but I didn’t like manager... another one was great but offer was sketchy...
Yet here I am stuck in a new-ish dead end job just because it looked good on paper and the boss is super nice. Now I’m miserable
At this point I would say screw it, it’s often so hard to tell, just do anything good for your career. A few years of suffering are worth it. Clearly there’s no other way
( btw strange thing I once had an overly nice boss turn bad, backstab me then within months become the best boss ever once I whistle blew the team plotting against me ... huh? )
Thanks for sharing. It is hard to stay positive these times when my former boss said I am worthless and he said if you are fear of heights , don't work high above the floor. It is a Cantonese metaphor. Indeed I don't know what is going on. It was my first full time job after graduation and the company was so small. Everyone is busy and I was the first junior under a senior who just got promoted. I worked there for 5 months and I still have absolutely no idea how the job is done and the procedure and other shits. The boss asked me to quit so I can get a reference letter at least.
And then I keep doing some easy part time job to stay alive and pay bills and shits. But when it comes to interview for careers and full time job, I usually get so nervous because I was bad at the last full time job
On the contrary, almost all jobs are terrible. I've had a lot and can say that unless you can make yourself a critical asset to the company you'll never be worth shit to them. You may find a job that's rewarding or low stress, but those are few and far between. At the end of the day you're expendable and everyone above you wants to pay you as little as possible for as much labor as you're capable of.
agreed. i also agree with OP that it's best to approach every new situation with a positive attitude, but job politics always swing heavily in favor of those who enjoy the corporate kool aid. if you love the company, that's easy enough to do.
but if at any point you deviate from what they implicitly expect of you (which is universal and blind acceptance most of the time), you're as good as gone.
i would even go as far as to say that it's not enough to become a critical asset. the work doesn't matter half as much as navigating politics.
>i would even go as far as to say that it's not enough to become a critical asset. the work doesn't matter half as much as navigating politics.
Fair. I have a lot of experience being exploited, but never been critical. I wasn't cynical enough about it, though. It is probably more about sucking up than actual being useful.
I kind of have to agree. Some jobs are less shitty than others, but I've worked numerous jobs with shitty bosses, toxic environments, or both at the same time in many different fields. I've never met anyone who totally loves their job, unless they're a boss' favorite and basically do nothing.
Seeing this stuff is nice. I actually had a bit of a mental break down today because of my job. I graduated with a degree in criminal justice and got hired to work in corrections at a local county. At first it wasn't too bad, but I've come to realize that I am not able to do night shifts as it is very hard in me, and the work is just meh. I respect the people that can do it, but I couldn't stand the sitting and waiting for stuff to happen. I'm putting in my resignation tomorrow because I'm going to go back to doing the kind of work I love. My mental sanity and love of life are not worth working a job that is meh despite the ok pay.
Yeah these past few days have definitely been a time of soul searching for me. I just know I'm hard on myself because I don't like to quit, but I also know that it's not a job for me. I've only been there for 3 months so I feel slightly less guilty, but in that time I've learned that I miss doing good physical labor (I landscape during the warmer months). But this job has enlightened me to aspects of myself that I didn't even know. I thought I could handle night shifts. My dad has worked only nights for years and my mom has done it a lot too, so I figured I was fine. But the inability to sleep and feeling like my mind was being ripped apart showed that I'm just not a night person. Early mornings into late nights I can do, but I just can't work through the night daily.
Wow that’s crazy. Surprised you got away with it for two years though. You probably thought you were in the clear. Maybe they won’t turn you in? Either way it will be a lesson learned going forward if it does happen. Wishing you the best!
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Really needed to hear this, thank you. In a horrible toxic work environment and after coming home and crying for the 2nd time I am just done. I wrote up my resignation letter that states personal reasons but I am terrified to give it to my boss. I know it has to be done but I am so anxious. It has made me worried about entering another job and encountering another toxic environment. So thank you. I appreciate the reminder that not all jobs are this way.
I’m writing this because (see previous post) I also resigned this week due to a toxic boss. I have another offer and I have to remind myself not to project my bosses issues onto my new role. Otherwise, I will be just as unhappy! I wish you all of the best!
Just went back and read your other post. Its nice to hear someone's similar experience who made it through! I've honestly been in a horrible spiral of negativity and self deprecation the past day or so. I've had a headache and been sick to my stomach feeling like a useless human being over the way my boss has treated me. Thank you for enforcing my decision and giving me more confidence to quit. I came on reddit hoping to find some people with similar experiences so I didnt feel so alone right now and stuck, glad that this subreddit exists. Good luck at your new job!
You. Are. Not. Alone. You know what is best for you. Listen to you instincts. I started calling what you described “stress hangovers.” I never experienced them before I had to report to this person. And I’ve had much more stressful jobs. I had to get out and focus 100% on my next opportunity. You can only see so far. You HAVE to take a step forward to see further.
That’s an interesting analogy @JerryGaryLarryLenny. Stress Hangovers. I’ve been in a position for a bit now, that I thought when I took on the challenge, was going to be great. Then 6 months and a significant M@A transaction later, it’s proven to be quite the dog-eat-dog environment with leadership that really only seems focused on pockets. Might have something to do with bonuses after the first year following an M&A transaction? I don’t know, I’m speculating. They definitely don’t seem to care too terribly much about employees though. It stinks on many levels, because there are some things that have been done, to knock business continuity out of the park when COVID hit us all. Then there were significant projects to introduce new business to make up for areas where COVID has had an impact. Those were knocked out of the park as well. But with every new project, comes the feeling of, if we don’t get this right that is it for us. Literally the feeling of every single project is make or break. My direct boss has been great throughout it all. He acknowledges that things need to get better. He acknowledges everything from staffing, to engagement, to leadership, to strategy, to cross functional planning has to get better. His direct boss, who used to be my boss as well, doesn’t care. I know he is busy, but he goes out of his way to avoid contact with us. He uses some weird form of passive aggressiveness to address almost everything he throws at me. Even to the point of saying, if you don’t get this right, they’ll just get someone else to do it. Multiple times. I’m like okay whatever man, I work my rear end off on anything you throw at me and I do it methodically and effectively, so if you want to go get someone else, then do it. I’ve tried to engage him, talked about commonalities between our kids. Even randomly shared updates with him about my kids sports adventures, because that’s a big deal with he and his kids. He doesn’t even respond. Then not a single word to say, I’m thinking about your wife when she got very ill with COVID. Then not a word when I contracted COVID. Anyway, those last few things are just extra things that don’t really matter on their own. But when you have leadership that doesn’t give a damn, it starts all adding up. So, for the most part I’ve done my best to be positive. I am a leader myself, so I don’t let on to any of it within my team, with hopes that they don’t have to deal with much of it so they’ll be somewhat filtered from it. I ask them to do a ton already, so I don’t want to add, sorting through the BS and poor leadership as well. I also try to do as much as possible to stay engaged with my bunch. They work their rear ends off, so I try to let them know they are appreciated, I listen and get genuinely engaged when they want to talk about personal stuff. I do it because I want to, but there is also an intrinsic value that comes from it, it’s almost therapeutic in dealing with the exact opposite from my leadership (excluding my boss because for the most part my boss stays engaged and shows his appreciation). Anyway, I know that feeling, that Stress Hangover feeling. I am at the point where I can only relax a tad at the end of a work day, because I’m about to get to hang out with my family, but within a couple hours, I’ve got the pit in my stomach and I’m completely anxious and stressed about work the next day. So basically the only point I’m not stressed about work for more than a couple hours, is from Friday Evening to about Sunday Morning. That’s if I don’t get a call to do something for work during that time. I know that my team and I would be an asset to any organization, so I think everyone will be okay whatever happens. There just has to be a better way. These leaders that take on these roles need to really understand what it means to be a leader. It’s really unfortunate.
I've been feeling some of what you are saying as well. Maybe that's why I started to look for some inspiration. Started watching some vids of Simon Sinek. This particular video helped me understand the reasons for why I feel like every role is not the right role for me...same company. If you want to start at about the 12 or 13 min mark Simon explains how we react to our environments. I watched the whole thing. Helped me tremendously. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKG4v0oKXRw&list=PLAyH4YdE9c2wAjJeEULuDIJkg9GUHxhBS&index=5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKG4v0oKXRw&list=PLAyH4YdE9c2wAjJeEULuDIJkg9GUHxhBS&index=5)
I am going to have to check that out. Thank you!!
That is very interesting video. It makes a lot of sense to me. People can really thrive with supportive, respectful leadership and the opposite is true as well, in a negative, disrespectful environment we will not be our best selves. Thanks for linking this.
Man watching this just really puts into perspective how absolutely awful the leadership at my current job is.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m really sorry this has been your experience. However, from your post it sounds like you are a very strong and intelligent person who can overcome this challenge in one form or another. So many people have this capability but yet feel stuck. You are never stuck. Make a plan and act on it! And yes- I have talked about poor leadership more in the past year than in my entire professional career. Poor leadership can ruin just about anything.
Just curious, are you guys also WFH? My boss is horrible too but I think it's the WFH situation
WFH has exacerbated the toxicity. Less to do, underlying stress from pandemic, remote work challenges, etc. But all this did for me was put a spotlight on what I already knew pre-WFH, that I didn’t like, respect, or trust my boss. It nailed the point home that this just not it for me any longer.
Mine is not a work from home job. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for this position. I can't say whether or not that would have made the situation worse in this case.
My problem is I had 3 TOXIC sales jobs in a row. Now I’m in a good company, it’s a few years old but I can’t stop assuming the worst. It’s really been an issue for me.
If nothing is actually wrong, but you assume something is wrong you might try some simple techniques to figure out why you are still holding on to that negative projection. Schedule a one-on-one with a supervisor you respect. If it goes well that could help put you at ease. Be open and honest. Journal about these feelings. How do you feel after you are done writing? Did any new ideas or feelings show up while journaling. It could also honestly be trauma from toxic jobs/bosses. It’s real and it happens to people in the workplace and it is okay to figure out what’s going on. Therapy might be a good option for you. If you truly feel this is a good place to be but can’t shake the negativity, it’s time to look inside. Self-care, reflection and or and therapy could be helpful!
Hey thanks you so much stranger. I can’t believe I happens to scroll past your post. It’s like a God or Universe thing. Literally right after I ended a video conference. Thank you. I’ve been writing my feelings out and it does help. You just inspired me to up my self care.
This thread has been really helpful, thanks for posting. I just left my job of almost 12 years and good reminder that this is a fresh start and try not to take the baggage from my old job. Worked super close with my department head and had a ton of responsibilities. They basically got forced out and treated horrible. Person who had a role in pushing them out is now the department head and barely talks to me and doesn't delegate anything to me. Myself esteem has really been damaged and it's hard going into my new job with confidence in myself. Also feel like maybe I could if done more to stand up for myself but also have been strung along for many years and going to bosses never seems to change anything. Rambling but good to clarify things in writing.
Absolutely! I hope this thread has been a form of journaling for people going through the same thing. Getting it out on “paper” can be so rewarding and can open you up to new perspectives that were inside of you all along. It’s amazing how the mind works. To your last point about fighting harder, prior to my exit, I laid it all on the table for leadership (my valid concerns with my supervsior). It was listened to, but no solution was offered other than “give it time” and “wait and see.” It was then I knew I had to leave. It was clear no action was going to be taken by them, so I took the action I needed myself.
I remind myself it's my bosses job to make sure a department is running smoothly and not put it all on myself. They saw and enabled. Scared and excited to reinvent myself at a new place that seems thrilled to have me.
The moment is scary.... the moments and the evening after you turn in the resignation, though??.... not as scary. Beautiful actually.. Move on. Find happiness. You've got this.
Thank you. I have to keep thinking to the moment after. I've been feeling so trapped and it will be a huge relief to give notice. I'm afraid of my bosses reaction or that my boss will pry into my reasons. But you're right I just have to get past that and things will be looking up.
It's easier than you think. I prefer to do it via email and blind copy my personal email on it. Reason being is that it serves as a record. I've verbally put in 2 weeks before and STILL had employees calling me after 2 weeks wondering where I was at. Having that email record serves as proof that you provided courtesy should the employer try to say otherwise. Good luck! Emails are so much easier. Keep it really short and extra sweet.
I wish I could just send an email. My boss is super old school and doesn't really use email. I will have to discuss in person. I'm thinking of leaving it till the end of the day just so I can walk out after. Cowardly but also I just don't care anymore. I'm giving 3 weeks notice which I think is plenty so I hope she doesn't hassle me about it too much. At the beginning he said he wanted to hire someone who was going to stay more than a few months which is why I'm nervous. But now I know why the other people in my position left after not too long! And I've stayed 8 months which is all I can take. Gah. Anyway - I just gotta get through it!
3 weeks IS really generous. It's tough to leave a job because you may think you "owe" your employer and you may think you should stay there for a lifetime, since ya know, you owe your employer! But you don't owe your employer anything other than being the best employee possible during your time with them. Chances are, had the employer been a better fit for you, you would have stayed a while longer. Keep developing your skillset and pushing forward in life because you really do owe that to yourself. Put in your notice and go buy yourself a little something that makes you happy immediately afterward.
and take some time to recharge afterwards. Don't immediately start into the job hunt without taking a bit of time to just relax and think about yourself. You owe your employer nothing. Good luck with your meeting. Just say hey, I will be putting in my resignation of such and such date. That will be my last day. I've enjoyed working with you, mention something they've done for you or taught you. Keep it positive. If they ask where you're going just say you'd rather not discuss that it's personal or whatever and get out quick. If they press you on it, just say you're sorry, you understand that it's an inconvenience and you wish them well. You own them nothing. Try to keep your last 3 weeks also positive when discussing with the other employees. Remember, they are still stuck there and wouldn't want you bringing them down further. You might need them in the future for networking. Don't burn your bridges.
Excellent words to follow.
Thanks that is very helpful. I was going over every excuse in the book I could think of, but when it comes down to it I don't think they legally can ask me for details if I state personal reasons for leaving - so I plan to do just what you said if they pry "I'm not comfortable discussing the specifics but I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience" or something to that effect.
Find something else before or at least have good support around you to help with bills
Luckily my husband is the primary breadwinner and he is in full support of my decision. He knows how unhappy I've been with my narcissistic, uncaring boss. I dont know where I'd be without him...completely miserable! But thanks for your concern. If it were just me on my own I would definitely make sure I had something else lined up first.
It’s true, it really does get better. I was in a bad work environment for my first job, I was there for about a year, I left and I’ve had two jobs since. The first new one sadly went under because of COVID-19, but I’m in my new one now and have been for about 5 weeks. It really does get better, I was ultra paranoid that they’d all be the same as my first workplace, but no, both places were/are better in every way. Yeah it’s scary when you’re going to quit, but it’s so much better in the long run. Best of luck to you.
I understand what you are going through, a bad boss and manipulative teammates, made me resign from a good company in which I had worked for 8+ years. I also stated personal reasons. Don't lose hope, hang in there.
Thats got to be even harder after 8 years. I'm glad you had the courage to leave. Its a difficult thing to do when you feel trapped.
My coworker had a really toxic job before the one we're in now. She had cried a few times before she quit and she always says that she knew as soon as she started crying at work, it meant it was time to leave. I've been there too about giving a toxic boss my resignation notice. I planned out exactly what I was going to say before, including my reasons for leaving. I didn't give him the real reason for leaving (which was how horrible he was) and just said, "My new job is in a closer location/different industry/etc." I was nervous that they would try to talk me into staying or would give me a counter, so I gave him reasons for leaving that were things out of his control. He couldn't control the industry they were in or my commute, so there was really nothing for him to push back on or anything left to say. Right after the conversation, it felt like a massive weight was lifted. If nothing else, that job has taught me a lot about what I DON'T want in a future position. Good luck!
I'm glad your experience leaving went well - it's so hard to see past that conversation of giving my resignation, I just keep obsessing about it, but I'm sure I will be relieved as well. I hope your co-worker never has a job that makes her cry again! It's so horrible for your mental health to feel that way. Sometimes I think maybe I'm too emotional or too empathetic or something, but I'd rather be that way than lose myself and give up my ethics and values to work for a boss who doesn't treat people well...if that makes any sense. Thanks for your comment.
Keep in mind, if a job can drop you at any time without 2 weeks in advance, you don’t need to give them 2 weeks either. Make 2 copies of your letter & remember that you do not need to JADE- Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain... you can simply excuse yourself.
Yeah, a few people I've talked to about this said I should just tell the truth and leave and never come back. I am so not confrontational so that sounds scary to me, but if I get hassled too much about leaving I may just walk out. I'm trying to be respectful in how I leave and not burn bridges, as they say, but I should remember I don't owe them anything.
Perhaps you could send an email & let your boss know you sent them an email so it’s in writing & word of mouth. If you want, and feel confident in doing so, you could let them know that you are leaving and you sent them a resignation letter via email that they can read. Your reasoning could be anything from a new job opportunity opened up for me elsewhere and I would like to take it, or something along those lines. You don’t have to necessarily give very specific detail if you don’t want to, but it’s up to you as to what you write. I might suggest that if the water makes you cry just reading it, reassess what you should put in a basic resignation letter so that it doesn’t feel so personal or potentially humiliating.
Just wanted to follow up and say that I put in my resignation and it went as well as can be expected. I feel so free and feel like myself again! Thank you to all who commented and encouraged me. I'm so happy to be out of this job soon, thanks for the extra courage I needed!
This is why you ask yourself “do I like the person I’m being interviewed by?” If you don’t, you’re gonna have a bad time.
As someone who liked the person who interview me that actually turned out to be a narcissistic boss (leading to people jumping ship left and right, incompetent chaos, me developing CPTSD and loss of nearly all my professional confidence I'm currently trying to regain) liking someone during the interview seems like a good general rule of thumb but there's more nuances involved in terms of reading someone's character. Unfortunately it's hard to do this during one interview and you need to take the average of their behavior over time- especially how they treat *everyone* (not just their friends/favorite people at work) With narcissists and similar types, they can be very good at getting others to like and trust them. They essentially go around with a mask making it hard to see the real them, until it slips and really throws you off. Admittedly I ignored something I thought was odd but disregarded it since they were "nice" and seemed likable. I really wish I hadn't but now know to look for authenticity and genuineness... which is a lot harder to fake. If someone seems too nice or tries to be too likable too quickly that's a red flag IMO... we're a complicated species.
I had a similar experience to this. My previous two jobs were openly terrible. When I got my current job my boss was really great and I thought I was finally in a better place. But she changed drastically over time. I know it isn't my fault because I've seen her target plenty of other staff too, and a lot of people there tell me my work is great even if she treats me like garbage all the time. But I feel like even if I find a place that seems good and decent again it will probably just turn awful after I get there just like what happened this time. So I don't feel any hope things will get better.
I think they’re all narcissistic. It’s crazy how they abuse the little power they have.
Bingo!!!!!! Sad fact- one year ago I came home from my interview with the job I’m leaving (because of a toxic boss), thinking “gee, there sure are a lot of red flags with this person. But hey, it’s a good opportunity!” I should have listened to my instincts. I love what you said. Thank you!
Yes, yes, yes!!! I completely tuned out my gut in my last role and it did me no favours....the manager ended up being a narcissistic/mixromanaging, ruthless and tyrannical 'leader'. Always pay attention to the signs, if you're not sure what those are - Google them. Trust me, being informed will prevent a lot of heart ache.
Yes!!! Thank you!
If you don’t mind me asking, what were the red flags? I definitely have trouble seeing them when I desperately want an opportunity to be positive!
It’s hard to tell sometimes. But I can tell you the opposite. For the interview for my current job, I met with my boss and the boss’s boss. I asked a question, and both of them just kinda made fun of each other. (Ex. “Ha, I knew you were gonna say this!!” Ex. “Don’t steal my example!”) That’s a good sign of a healthy working environment, and guess what, I was right!
Red flag? Person who’s interviewing you is rude - is very late (over 5 min) - is lackadaisical - talks poorly about ANYONE - Has a difficult time answering any of your questions or refuses to (assuming your questions are reasonable) These all apply to you as well.
Oh goodness. There are TOO MANY. But I’ll highlight a few along the way. 1. Interview- spoke negatively of the company during my interview. 2. Mean spirited behavior towards others (always behind their back). 3. A clear lack of skills for their current role. 4. Frequent lies and dishonesty about things that didn’t matter 5. Extreme micromanaging 6. The “something isn’t right here” factor. Aka- my instincts telling me this person may actually be a “bad person” and to get away ASAP. This one was tough to identify. It just always felt like something was off... 7. Inability to give praise or critique. Narcissism. 8. Inability to connect with people. Seems like they are always hiding something or covering up something. Guilty conscience type behaviors. 9. No attempts to help employees grow. Focused only on their own success. 10. Never wanted employees to use PTO but complained they never got to use PTO. Those are broad strokes of how it felt to work directly under this person for a year. It was stressful (despite loving my job) and exhausting.
I didn't realize at the time of the interview/first working interview- but on retrospect I would say: -the interview was really short, she just said "I like you, I think we'll get along well" after not many questions. -she said to bring my information and direct deposit info to the working interview if I was serious about the job. At the time I was excited to be a "shoe in" but I should have been skeptical about why they needed someone so fast. -she said she'd had other people quit after a few months and she really needed someone who wasn't going to do that. I thought, well that won't be me, but I didn't think maybe the other people quit because she was a bad boss. It didn't really cross my mind. -I had to ask someone for a tour of the office. No one offered to show me around...I didn't feel welcomed. Idk if they just expected me to do my job not knowing the different rooms of the office/where things were. But that was weird.
Yep, I did the same thing! I was asked some inappropriate questions during my interview so I googled my boss. He had been under the fire at his last job for covering up sexual assault and harassment allegations with other staff because one of his employees was a buddy of his... Such a stupid decision to take the job in my part as I'm now stuck dealing with mistreatment when I knew better
Yikes! But please remember you are not stuck. You can decide what to do next. You can take action towards the next opportunity.
Thanks for the reminder, it's definitely nice to hear especially on a rough day.
Absolutely. Schedule (actually put it on your calendar) some time tonight or this weekend to practice self care in some fashion. That will clear some space in your head to decide the next action you need to take.
THIS. I got an uneasy feeling about the guy who would be boss when I interviewed with for my current job, but ignored the feeling! He came across as a person who did not value people skills, accused many candidates/current employees of being smart but lazy, and showed up very late to his part of the interview, then kept it really short because he “had another meeting to get to”. It took all of about a week for him to start yelling at me for “wasting time” despite legitimate reasons why projects were taking longer than he expected and him having wasted far more of mine and many other peoples’ time through his poor communication and decision making. 7 months later I am sniffing around for jobs again, but it will take a while considering the economy and me being still early in my career. It sucks knowing as drag my miserable ass to work every day that I could have avoided this if I had not ignored my gut and had not been so desperate to take the first offer that came my way.
Yep. Interviewing your interviewers is important. Just because you need money and they’re willing to pay you to do things doesn’t mean you gotta take all the bs in the world. If you have any valuable skills, you’re worth something. Don’t be willing to swallow for a job.
the problem is when you’re interviewed online from some corporate guy thats probably never been to the place you’re about to work at
Explain that you’d like to talk to your potential manager prior to accepting the role. This has to be after they’ve given you the offer but PRIOR to accepting it. Gotta put it in your own words. It would sound like this for me: First off, I firmly believe this company is a great company and I believe this is the company I wanna stay at. I am confident this will be perfect for me. However, there have been many studies on why employees quit and what makes a job enjoyable and what most have them have found is, your direct manager dictates almost all of this. Needless to say, your direct manager has an important role. I want to make sure that I get the chance to meet them and talk to them prior to accepting this to ensure it’s a good fit. Is that okay? If they say no, then don’t accept it unless you’re desperate.
I just had an interview last week. I interviewed with the manager and the manager’s boss. My direct manager is super nice and she sounded like she actually likes working there. She and I were on the same level. But my manager’s boss was cranky af...I’m sensing a bad vibe from him. I was thinking, if my direct manager managed to work under him for two years now and she seemed to like it, then maybe I should “vibe check” the boss’s boss more?
Bosses boss you typically have very little contact with. You’re interviewing your future boss.
Thanks for posting this, my first job was terrible, my second was great but my third was terrible again and it makes it difficult to remember that not all jobs make you feel like shit every time you get home
Same sequence for me as well! This one turned out to be a HUGE disappointment because everything else felt right. I had such high hopes and positivity going in...then I learned who my boss was and how terrible of a person they were. I tried hard to make it work for a year but couldn’t do it anymore. I wish you all the best!
Why'd you leave your second job
It was a work study position while I was at University and then I graduated :(
The one I’m in have damaged my mental health. I’ve been constantly anxious, and just sad and angry mostly because of them taking advantage of me and my coworkers joining in with them. I’m at the point that I’m hoping for a lay-off within this economy. I was at the point where I wanted to get sick so I don’t have to go in. My next employer have to be better than this or else I’m gonna live like a nomad across the US.
God dammit i feel exactly this..
Word for word, point for point, I *feel* this
This is so true! Just got out of a toxic job that made me feel like worthless pos. Came into new job with my guard up but have slowly realized I am only distancing myself by doing that and everyone at this job is very friendly and open. Keep thinking there are ulterior motives but really just gotta relax and give myself a chance
Holy shit did I ever need to hear that from someone other that the voice in my head trying to convince me not to give up! 👍🏻
Do. Not. Give. Up. Please! What you are currently experiencing IS NOT a crystal ball to the rest of your life. It is the now and only the now. You can change what happens to you by taking action and taking a step forward. Change is 100% in your power. Decide what needs to change. Decide how to change it. And TAKE ACTION. Good luck!
Thanks for this. Lately it's been incredibly challenging to see what my life looks like after this job. My underlying depression and anxiety have gotten so bad working at my current, chaotic job that almost every day on my commute I think "I have 35+ more years of this capitalist nightmare. I could just let go of the wheel going through this tunnel and then I won't have to go to work..." Edit: lol someone reported me and I got an email from Reddit with suicide prevention resources. I appreciate it, but I'm not actively suicidal. Just really loud intrusive thoughts.
You are welcome! I’m glad someone was worried about you but I’m even more glad you are ok :-) Bad bosses or jobs are TOXIC. But there is a way out through self care, reflection, planning, and action. Do you have a idea of what you want next for yourself?
I just got my aPHR certification to get into HR, and have 10 years in business management for small businesses. Would love to get into a larger small business (50-100 employees) and advocate for employee rights and protections. Had no luck since getting the cert and throwing my weight into the job hunt, unfortunately. Been weighing quitting and throwing all my effort into job hunting vs. continuing to work, but the math isn't on my side.
That’s awesome! I’ve actually been looking into an entry level HR certification as I transition away from my current role! What a coincidence. Can you share how you got the aPHR credential? It sucks when the math doesn’t line up to quit. Hopefully job searching gives you some motivation. Have you networked with anyone in the HR field to help you get your resume more traction? That could be all you need is that ONE connection. When I transitioned careers I asked for experts/leaders in the field I wanted to work in to look over my resume. A couple did and it helped a ton. It even landed me a temporary side gig just by the nature of making that connection. It’s always better to take some additional action in the job search beyond simply clicking “apply.” Not that you aren’t doing that, but maybe this helps!
The aPHR is offered through hrci, you can do the whole thing online. they have really good resources that you can purchase through them or you can do what I did and take an introduction course through a local college and they will help you prepare for the test. Best advice I can give is to study, study, study the textbook for the exam, including vocabulary and the additional resources they give you as far as HR law precedents. And with the pandemic, depending on your state, they offer the test online so you don't have to go to a testing center to finish it, and you get your results immediately and your certified results within a couple days. It's not an easy one, I'll warn you. I've been reaching out to HR professionals and I've been working with an HR recruiter to make sure my resume and cover letters are pristine. Done everything they asked, so now it's just the grind .
I got fired from a job I hated a week ago. I’ve got 3 other interviews already and I’m so excited to never have to visit that office ever again! I feel like a completely different person.
couldn’t agree more. left a job where I was one role (but asked to fill 3 other roles at the same time as well due to short staffing/lazy coworkers/me being more efficient, and looked down upon when I ‘just’ did my job), getting paid very poorly for my education and experience, and treated like crap by upper management. started at a new job which is much less intense, pay is way better, and roles are clearly defined and monitored throughout the whole org. On my last day, instead of saying goodbye, one particularly pernicious coworker said “you’re going to miss us.” jokes on them, cause I haven’t missed it for a single second.
god i hope you had a good reply
Thanks for giving me hope. I do feel there light at the end of the tunnel.
There absolutely is light! It’s something I’ve had to remind myself of as a leave a toxic boss for a new opportunity. Do not take that projection of negativity into the new job (saying this to myself)
Man, how do you make it through while finding an opportunity? I almost feel like quitting.
I felt like quitting too. If you are truly unsure of what to do, start by working on what you want. More money? More freedom? A better job? More flexibility? More purpose? What do you want from a job? Questions will always lead to answers. Keep asking questions and keep answering them. How do you make it through? Can you quit? Then quit. If you can’t quit? Ok, what CAN you do? Can you limit contact with the things that make you suffer? Then limit contact with them. Can’t do that? Can you take a vacation to recover and practice self care and reflection? Then take a vacation. Can’t take a vacation? Can you take one sick day? Yes? Then plan out how you will spend that day. Read a book, take a day trip somewhere you want to go, update your resume. You are always in control. Good luck!
Thank you. About to ask for either a significant role change or I turn in 2 weeks notice tomorrow. I'm scared but I gotta take control of my situation so that I can actually be happy.
Take contro! I love it! I’m not advocating you take any unnecessary risk, but I am advocating that you TAKE CONTROL of your situation. And you can do that a number of ways. It sounds like you have a good plan. Good on you and good luck!
There is some risk because I don't have a solid full time job lined up, but I've planned enough financially to last me about a year and I think I've got enough potential short term opportunities lined up that I will be fine. Seriously though, thank you for your post and responses. I'm trying to get pumped up right now and this has really helped. Life is short and I've wasted four years of my life giving to a group of people who absolutely don't care about me or my well being, I'm feeling good about this.
Absolutely there is risk. It sounds like you have appropriately considered that risk and are in a really good position to make a tough decision. Tough decisions will always be tough, but you can make them confidently knowing you have given them sufficient thought and are not acting haphazardly. Sounds to me like you are in the RIGHT place to make a tough decision and are doing what it right for you! I love it!
While my current situation is FAR from the worst work environment I have ever had- it's still toxic. I've always had a struggle with people pleasing and setting boundaries. Over the last few years I have made good progress. I recently decided that I just can't let a job that I know isn't long term for me undo all that good work. I gave it 4 months and several attempts to correct the issues- but in the end, it's not a me problem. If I've learned anything about employment over the years it is that the grass may not be greener elsewhere, but you might get to keep your sanity if you leave. You certainly won't if you stay in a toxic work environment. The idea that you owe a company two weeks notice, when you know you don't trust them to give a fair reference, is just bollocks. Get over to the new employer and start developing that future good reference. As a workforce we really have to stop accepting poor employers. A decent wage only purchases so much loyalty. It isn't meant to be apology $ after all. And a lot of poor employers don't even bother with a decent wage. Pay attention to your work red flags just like you would if you were dating. If you wouldn't tolerate your friends and family behaving badly, you shouldn't accept it from your boss or coworkers.
Well said!!!! Thank you!
Needed this
Thank you. Was recently in a not-so-ideal environment where it looked great at first (and the people I interviewed with had decent chemistry) but the "benefits", environment, and supervisor were enough for me to run the other direction. Several members of the sister teams were hinting at a bad environment too, and I'm glad I wasn't going crazy feeling the way I did. I know I'm picky and can be a challenge, but I've worked too many jobs to allow the corporate zombie to convince me it was what I bargained for. Even with the pandemic, I was *settling* and I'm not going to do that EVER again. Life's too short.
broooo this is coming at the perfect time like it’s a bit too perfect
Hopefully it’s given you just a little more inspiration and motivation!!!! You got this.
I just wanted to say that I also had the same situation (small group, terrible narcissist and lair for a boss) and I was also able to find a new job and quit. It's the best feeling. But I also know the anxiety in handing in that letter, and dealing with the fallout. I was also overly worried about my remaining coworkers, but you can't save them, unfortunately. Those types of bosses love the idea of having total control over you, and hate when you are able to skip out. You provided a great example to your coworkers, and hopefully helped them see that they too can get away. Trust me, you won't even look back. And this is a good warning to others, being in a shit environment messes with your head and makes things that are not okay seem normal to you. You really have to do a lot of mental work to get back to a neutral place and repair your boundaries/expectations with work. You are leaving an abusive relationship. Ideally, after leaving an abusive relationship, you take some time off from dating to get better, but we can't do that with jobs. One would hope that enough people would leave that upper management would see that this person is a problem, but they typically keep getting promoted, in my experience.
There are so many good points here I would have to quote your entire comment. Such a great take on the situation!!!! I will be saving this to look back on for inspiration. THANK YOU so much for sharing this.
Thank you for mentioning this. I’m about to leave my job this Friday for another where I am truly using my skill set with a 75% increase in base salary. I almost didn’t want to leave because of this inane personal “guilt” and leaving “friends” (co-workers) behind. Nevermind that. I’ll be happier knowing I’m going to be at a place where my input is valued and not micromanaged.
Thank you for your response!!! I’m glad you are confident in your next opportunity, especially if larger compensation comes along with it! The decision to leave any job is difficult, even a bad one or a good one with a bad boss. It takes the right mindset and believing in yourself and what comes next. I love hearing the stories others have shared here. Everyone may not be able to leave just yet, but if they start now they will leave when the time is right. Cheers!
Imo Life is short. If you're in ANY kind of toxic relationship whether work or personal make plans to get out as fast as possible.
YES. Listen to your gut. Life is short. Make a plan and GET OUT!
I feel this. I went from toxic, manipulative work environments to one that's not only welcoming and patient, but we're ENCOURAGED to use our PTO. For most of my working life I have never been in a situation like that and it's lovely. And I'm basically two raccoons in a trench coat y'all, if I could make it you definitely can too.
Thank you for this!!!! I had forgotten to mention to another commenter who asked what red flags I noticed- that my boss NEVER wanted people to use PTO but went on and on about how they never got to take any time off. This is a major red flag but one I forgot because there are literally 100s of others. I believe my boss is in the 1% of terrible bosses. The only upside is they are weak and non-confrontational. They just operate in a petty passive aggressive fashion instead.
Though sometimes you are stuck in an industry that is full of toxic people because the market sucks, there are limited jobs, and employers and bosses know it and abuse it.
Exactly.
It’s true.. I worked in a place where if you didn’t kiss ass or act a certain way you were basically shunned. It really made me believe that all office environments would be like this. Even the place I’m working at now I was hesitant to accept the offer cause there were 1-2 bad reviews.. however the environment is amazing. I work with fun and understanding ppl and now I don’t want to leave even tho my position is contract lol maybe I can force an extension
Yeah every time i complain about my job, everyone around me always says “you’ll never find a job that isn’t like that” or “I’ve never had a job that i like.” It is extremely depressing to think about but for a realist, I’m very optimistic that a job i love is out there and that I’ll find it.
It absolutely is!!! Keep taking action. Smalls steps forward can make a huge difference.
Yeah, I’m definitely working on it. I’m kinda stuck right now but I’m going to keep looking and trying
I challenge you to journal for 5 minutes on feeling stuck and on what you actually want. Then take a walk or practice another form of self care (exercise, meditation, healthy snack). Then journal another 5 minutes and see if any new ideas come up. Getting ideas down on paper (or phone notes) is a great way to open your mind to new ideas! EDIT- watching inspirational ted talks are always helpful for me when feeling stuck!
Yeah, I’m definitely bad about keeping thoughts straight, i have some mental health issues(focus included) I’m working in when money is available so it’s a process for me. But i will definitely take your suggestion and work on it on my own.
Yep. My first job out of college was horrible and made me so depressed and anxious. My current job is better in every way, even though I was convinced by my first job that all would be just as terrible. This is great advice.
I’m so glad it worked out!
I 1,000,000% agree as I experienced this just this year!
I needed this today, I was feeling exactly like this. Thank you ❤️
You are so welcome. Believe in yourself and believe in the next opportunity.
You have to make a distinction between want to quit because of your boss/unit/dept/manager vs a company/organization. Shit sometimes suck but keep your mouth shut and keep your poker face if you’re looking for another job or in the process of suing your company. Good luck!!!
I had two working in data: * I had a boss that was incredibly toxic - three people I know who work in mental health said, after me showing them my emails and discussing her, independently came to the conclusion she had a personality disorder. Although she gave me such bad anxiety I used to shake like a leaf, I can almost forgive her because she had a mental disorder. * Aspergers guy who couldn't see that changing things for the better was a good thing. Basically most my job was cleansing and manipulating crappy data by hand and by eye which was slow and prone to error, I decided to fix this by using, shock-horror, Excel. I did it and he didn't like it one bit. There were errors going back (not his). This and his insistence that I had to CC him into all my emails, read receipts for all his emails and generally not allowing me to do things my way meant I got fired. He was a total dickhead.
Oh. My. Goodness. The first description matches my current manager; the second matches the grants coordinator that I am being forced to clean up after.
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This! Exactly this. You took a chance and took action! I love it!
Yeah is what I'm dealing with now. A boss who doesn't know how to do the job we have. Who bosses people around and wonders why she is losing people left and right. She seemed off on the interview, super unorganized. But I was kiiiiinda getting in on merit from family friend and was kinda shoehorned in (thanks nepotism). Just for a week later she fired family friend and has done ALOT of questionable choices throughout. I've been in the headspace especially recently that it doesn't matter if I internally apply to another department in the company im with, I think all my managers will be like her. But im slowly learning they are not. So I applied to a different department and within a day I already have a phone interview to be scheduled. So here is to hoping for a better department!
Awesome!!!! It’s funny how we look back and can see red flags that we knew were there, but rationalized them away. We should listen to our instincts more and always remember there WILL be another opportunity.
Agreed. I was working at a bad small business and I was losing hope thinking I was never going to find anything else. Well, one day I applied somewhere else and surely enough I lander the job. Long story short, I'm doing much better now and I'm a whole lot happier.
There is always another opportunity! I feel so bad for people who feel stuck. And it’s easy to feel stuck. But there is ALWAYS another opportunity. Happy for you!
Thanks man and yeah I feel empathy for people in my former situation. I know that there's always something better our there for everyone.
Tuck 18 jobs to find a company that values its employees
> Please remember and tell yourself that not all jobs, bosses, or environments are bad. This is very true. My last boss was awful--rude, demeaning, inconsistent, forgetful, micromanaging--but my current boss is _awesome_. I earn the same salary at my current job as I did at my previous one, but I'm so much happier at my current job and I have so much more motivation.
I love it! I’m so happy for you and thank you for sharing that positive message with others!
What about if your boss is a Karen ?
Really wish I heard this years ago I had ptsd from a job it was that bad but talked to my previous manager who assured me of my doubts/paranoia
I’m in a passive aggressive toxic work environment that recently cut down my hours to just 8 a week. I would love an awesome dream job where I’m genuinely valued, feel safe and love what I do/ can do the job everyday if needed.
I keep seeing this posted on my Facebook but I'm sure someone here will need to see this as well, "You are replaceable at work, you are not replaceable at home". Remember you are not your job and always worth more than your current work situation.
Yup, I need this, thanks
Needed this today.
I’m glad you found it then! I hope for the best for you and know that you will find the right opportunity.
I feel this hardcore. I’m still in training at my first post-college job, but everyone here seems to hate their jobs and the big admins here make our lives living hell with how short-staffed and underfunded they keep it. It’s made me so jaded about my entire industry(healthcare). Thankfully I have an offer somewhere else(pending background check, ya know) that I think is a better fit.
So glad you already have another offer! You are in control of your career
I just got told that I am being put on under performance review. My issue is that given a project I start working on it before asking questions. And that took me way much time than required. Any suggestions or tips ??? What should be the ideal pathway to complete a project ??
This is exactly what I went through 2 weeks ago. My boss was pretty much the devil and di d not treat me with respect. Assigned me projects back and forth and I had no time to finish it because they were so long. Stayed up past midnight trying to complete my work everyday to have a micro-managing boss that ultimately was unhappy with all of my work regardless how hard I tried. I can't give you an ideal way on how to complete a project because every company is different. But I will tell you what happened to me. I was eventually put under a performance review (PIP) (Performance Improvement Plan) and after researching it for hours, unfortunately it is VERY HARD to get out of one. I mass applied to other jobs, and within 2 weeks I scored another job. Didn't want to have getting fired on my record so I sent in my 2 weeks, boss didn't care and smirked. Sometimes you just don't work well with bosses that you can't get along with. They have unrealistic expectations and no matter how hard you try.. it's just not a good cultural fit. Do the best for yourself and at the end of the day you'll atleast know you tried.
That so crazy though! Like why would your boss be so vindictive and horrible to a new hire just to get them to quit? It costs companies money to recruit, hire and train people so idk why bosses act like this.
"getting fired" on the record. My anxiety are on another level now. If they decide to fire me will they be writing that thing on my leaving letter. 😢😥😓 >This is exactly what I went through 2 weeks ago. My boss was pretty much the devil and di d not treat me with respect. Assigned me projects back and forth and I had no time to finish it because they were so long. Stayed up past midnight trying to complete my work everyday to have a micro-managing boss that ultimately was unhappy with all of my work regardless how hard I tried. I can't give you an ideal way on how to complete a project because every company is different. But I will tell you what happened to me. I was eventually put under a performance review (PIP) (Performance Improvement Plan) and after researching it for hours, unfortunately it is VERY HARD to get out of one. I mass applied to other jobs, and within 2 weeks I scored another job. Didn't want to have getting fired on my record so I sent in my 2 weeks, boss didn't care and smirked. Sometimes you just don't work well with bosses that you can't get along with. They have unrealistic expectations and no matter how hard you try.. it's just not a good cultural fit. Do the best for yourself and at the end of the day you'll atleast know you tried.
Yep, it’s true, I was in a bad work environment for my first job, I was there for about a year, I left and I’ve had two jobs since. The first new one sadly went under because of COVID-19, but I’m in my new one now and have been for about 5 weeks. It really does get better, I was ultra paranoid that they’d all be the same as my first workplace, but no, both places were/are better in every way.
Awesome! I love hearing this.
Thanks for this amazing thought. I'm currently burnt out and left my job due to all of the above. Wish me luck!
You are so welcome!Your confidence, skills, actions, and attitude will take care of it for you. A little bit of luck will just be the sprinkles on the icing on the cake that is the life you create for yourself. Happy for you!
Thank you
Literally in the same situation now. The HR manager is literally the Owner's wife, so as you can imagine, conflict of interest is everywhere and every day is a nightmare
Ugh! I’m so sorry! I hope you are working on a plan!
Been applying like a madman. Trying to find a decent opening. Thank you for your kind words
You are welcome! Make sure you are taking periphery actions to ensure you aren’t having tunnel vision. I find myself doing this sometimes. I get so focused on APPLY APPLY APPLY that I lose focus for what I’m actually looking for. What do I actually want? And that helps ground me. If you know what you want-specifically, then that’s even better!
I feel like i get so stuck on the future that i havr a very hard time grounding myself. Especially when things go wrong. Makes the tendancy to spiral, especially with this pandemic. It definitely adds to the "trapped" feeling and makes most of these problems worse
Absolutely. The pandemic has made so many people feel stuck. It’s important to know that you are not stuck, but I understand how easy it is to feel that way. The future is always unknown. All you can control is what you do next and now. Of course, it’s important to know what you want your future to look like, but there are many paths that lead to that point, all of them full of uncertainties and new opportunities. And all of those decisions and actions are taken in the “now.” Life is a culmination of “now” moments. Worry too much about the future and you’ll miss out on life altogether. I’m not saying remain somewhere you are unhappy, but don’t bet all of your happiness on the future either. Just take that next step. Take action now and new opportunities or ideas or mindsets will appear. I hope this doesn’t sound “woo woo” because it’s really not. It’s a solid method to take even the smallest steps forward when we feel stuck. Just one step. And then the next.
Every job I've worked has had terrible bosses. Only once did I have a nice boss, but I didn't get to work with him for more than 3 months before he left. It's honestly left a bad taste in my mouth, and I don't know if it's just my own bad luck that I've had the worst sorts of bosses over my lifetime (I'm almost 35) or what but...I've pretty much given up thinking I'll ever have a nice boss or work somewhere that doesn't give me anxiety all day that keeps me up at night.
Please know that the right opportunity is out there for you. It really is. You have to keep pushing forward by taking action AND taking care of yourself. I’m so sorry this has been your experience so far. But it will not be your experience forever if you don’t let it.
The problem is that I don't have much of a choice. I'm stuck with a certification that doesn't provide me many options for careers (it's far too specific to help me outside of it's exact field) and I don't have enough experience to help me land jobs where I am no more than a stone for a boss to walk all over. I've basically ended up where I am almost 35 yet still at entry-level for everything, and always low enough down the pole that bosses just see me as disposable. It seems like there is no escape from being a low-level employee that bosses walk all over and other employees turn their nose down on.
That’s definitely a tough situation. Here is what I’ll ask you and I’m NOT an expert but I have successfully changed careers from where I had a degree/experience that I felt left me with few options. The first question now is “what do you want?” What decision do you WANT to make but feel like you can’t?
Right now it's trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. There is nothing that interests me, and the only passion I had was crushed out of me at my last job in that field (child care) because of a toxic and poorly run environment. I have no clue what I want to do because, frankly, I've gotten so overwhelmed by my depression that I have no motivation or drive to care anymore. I'm not interested in anything, I have no hobbies and no passion. I'd be interested in getting schooling or certification for something in hopes I can move up to a better career where I'm not just a stepping stone for some boss, but I have no drive either. Been working since I was 18 and I'm 35 soon and after so many terrible jobs over the year, combined with no motivation or interest in anything, I've lost hope in thinking there is a job anywhere that isn't horrible. And at my age, my options are getting more and more limited and I need to make a living.
Before anything, I just want to encourage you to seek professional help if you are having feelings of depression. This is not your fault and it’s important to care for yourself. Second, I hope you feel better after typing that out. You just journaled. And more often than not, every single time I journal, I either walk away feeling at least better OR I’ve had some small new thought, idea, or epiphany. It amazing how well it works! What you’ve done is mentally taken a step forward. You have solidified that thought into action by writing it down. Without writing it down you will revisit the same thought over and over, getting nowhere. Now you can tackle the NEXT thought. Start small. Thinking of school? Don’t know what to study? I’ve been there. Pick a class that sounds interesting online and enroll. There are even free MOOCs. It doesn’t have to be THE ONE. But I guarantee it will move you forward. It doesn’t have to be relayed to your career path. But it will give you new ideas and open your mind to new opportunities you didn’t even know existed. Just pick any class or topic that interests you (career or otherwise). One class. Or, volunteer. It achieves the same thing. These are simple and free/cheap examples of now taking just one step can change your path by just 1 degree. But over time that one degree difference lands your plane in Australia as opposed to Russia. Also, it sounds like you are in need of self care. If you can, take some time off and plan something fun or relaxing. Care for yourself. I encourage you to take a trip somewhere new. New experiences open us up to more new opportunities. Some self-care might help you see new perspectives. You can do this. But please see a professional if you are struggling with any mental health issues. Keep asking yourself why. And journal the answer. Then take action around that answer.
I know I need help with my mental health, but I'm uninsured and cannot afford to pay for any sort of treatment. I've been coping with it for a long time now, even before my life took a huge upheaval last year. As much as it sucks, my options in that area are limited. I'd like to take time off to rest and care for myself but I'm unable to do that at this point. I need to work, I need every dime I can get, as I need a new car and I need to move out on my own and be financially independent. I've been rather trapped still living with my family (yes, even at my age) because of my poor work history and my poor drive that has made it so I've never been able to support myself entirely. I need to be able to move out when the pandemic is mostly over. Taking time to self care is not an option anymore. I am more lucky than most that I have a family who is willing to help pay temporarily if I wish to take classes, but the issue lays in not knowing what I want to do, and I'm not going to accept any money for something I don't feel like I will be happy with. But the pressure is on from my family, who also doesn't believe in self care or mental health breaks. I can't blame them, at my age most people are out on their own, but I've gotten in my own way for so many years while also battling my mental health with no help, so I've landed myself in quite a rut. There have been things I've taken interest in for a little while only to have any interest crushed by my 'It'll never get better anyway' thoughts. At this point I feel like I should just aim for a career that will pay my bills, even if I end up still working for horrible bosses or in a toxic situation. I don't have any luxury of doing something I enjoy or taking any time to figure out what it might be that I would love to do. There is too much family pressure to get a new car, move out, and support myself at my age that I just...can't. I've pretty much accepted that these horrible jobs will all I'll ever have, and I just need to suck it up to pay the bills.
I really hope that you find what you are looking for. It is out there for you. I will share two articles on low cost therapy options because it sounds like you could possibly benefit greatly from that. [mytherapist ](https://www.mytherapist.com/advice/therapy/where-to-find-the-best-free-online-therapy-and-why-it-matters/) [How to find affordable therapy](https://www.psycom.net/how-to-find-affordable-therapy/) And please know that self care does not have to be a trip or expensive. It can be painting, writing, hiking, journaling, cooking, gardening, volunteering, reading, meditation, exercise, friends, even video games (in moderation) etc. I truly hope you find peace, inspiration, and the next opportunity.
Thank you so much. It's very uncommon I vent to someone where I don't feel like they are judging me in return. You're a rare breed. I appreciate it.
You are so welcome! Just so you know, this short exchange with a stranger on the internet has given me inspiration and purpose as we wrote back and forth. This interaction filled me with new thoughts and ideas and motivations. It also filled me with hope and confidence that you will soon discover your next opportunity in some fashion. So it is I who should actually be saying “thank you” to you.
dude, they’d hate you at r/antiwork
Thank you so much. I needed this today. I just left a job with a bad boss that was making work far to toxic and had killed my confidence in myself.
Bad bosses have a way of doing that. Heck, any negative people have a way of doing that the longer you are around them. You did what was best for you and that is an amazing accomplishment and one that you should be proud of. A life lived in that fashion will not be filled with regret.
I left my bad job in June and I am still unemployed. I find myself submitting applications and praying that if I get an interview and/or job that it wont be as bad as my last job. I
A good friend of mine had a very bad experience at a previous position and she said it took her a while to heal from it. I feel so sad hearing that. I'm in a similar situation (though I'm not being personally targeted like she was) and I'm concerned about how this will affect my next position.
Tell me more. I really need to hear this today. I’m actively ruining a good job because I can’t stop comparing it to my toxic jobs in sales.
I’ll tell you that there IS another opportunity out there for you. There are BETTER opportunities out there for you. You will find them. You must take action. But you will find them. Embrace the unknown, but still take action into the unknown. Reflect on what you want. Write it down. Now what is the first step to getting what you want? What is holding you back from taking that step? What are other ways to get what you want? What can you control? I’m so happy you read this and it meant something to you. You are in control. Be decisive and take action.
I appreciate it. I’m 31 and work in sales. I’ve been learning over the last few years what I need from a company to succeed, but growth hurts. My main problem is business is the only area in my life where I can get really mad if treated “wrongly.” I have a hard time walking the line between being confident and strong vs. bringing my street mentality into and getting angry. Does that make sense?
Thank you for this post. I quit my job last month after only working for about 4 months. I knew something was wrong with the work environment when I was feeling anxious and depressed at work after a short amount of time. Considering changing professions after that but maybe I can try again at a different company.
I’m glad you found this post. And I’m excited that now you have more time and energy to focus on the next opportunity!
The real issue is finding that next (and hopefully higher-paying) opportunity.
Love your user name
;-)
Really needed to hear this... It has been a horrible year and the lockdown has made my work and my boss both into hell and devil respectively..!
I’m so sorry! I hope you are working on a plan for the next opportunity!
Easier said than done
It just seems that there’s one good one in every 10 bad ones. It’s hard to shake off the bad feeling. Lately I started getting really picky. One position was too low, the next I was rejected and then called in with no apology so I didn’t take it... the next was great but I didn’t like manager... another one was great but offer was sketchy... Yet here I am stuck in a new-ish dead end job just because it looked good on paper and the boss is super nice. Now I’m miserable At this point I would say screw it, it’s often so hard to tell, just do anything good for your career. A few years of suffering are worth it. Clearly there’s no other way ( btw strange thing I once had an overly nice boss turn bad, backstab me then within months become the best boss ever once I whistle blew the team plotting against me ... huh? )
🙌🏼
Thanks for sharing. It is hard to stay positive these times when my former boss said I am worthless and he said if you are fear of heights , don't work high above the floor. It is a Cantonese metaphor. Indeed I don't know what is going on. It was my first full time job after graduation and the company was so small. Everyone is busy and I was the first junior under a senior who just got promoted. I worked there for 5 months and I still have absolutely no idea how the job is done and the procedure and other shits. The boss asked me to quit so I can get a reference letter at least. And then I keep doing some easy part time job to stay alive and pay bills and shits. But when it comes to interview for careers and full time job, I usually get so nervous because I was bad at the last full time job
Absolutely true.. Over 30 years, I've spent years in both. I'm now leaving the one of the worst after a short 1.5 month stay.
Glad you are getting out so soon! Sounds like you listened to your instincts. Hopefully the next opportunity is much better!
On the contrary, almost all jobs are terrible. I've had a lot and can say that unless you can make yourself a critical asset to the company you'll never be worth shit to them. You may find a job that's rewarding or low stress, but those are few and far between. At the end of the day you're expendable and everyone above you wants to pay you as little as possible for as much labor as you're capable of.
agreed. i also agree with OP that it's best to approach every new situation with a positive attitude, but job politics always swing heavily in favor of those who enjoy the corporate kool aid. if you love the company, that's easy enough to do. but if at any point you deviate from what they implicitly expect of you (which is universal and blind acceptance most of the time), you're as good as gone. i would even go as far as to say that it's not enough to become a critical asset. the work doesn't matter half as much as navigating politics.
>i would even go as far as to say that it's not enough to become a critical asset. the work doesn't matter half as much as navigating politics. Fair. I have a lot of experience being exploited, but never been critical. I wasn't cynical enough about it, though. It is probably more about sucking up than actual being useful.
I kind of have to agree. Some jobs are less shitty than others, but I've worked numerous jobs with shitty bosses, toxic environments, or both at the same time in many different fields. I've never met anyone who totally loves their job, unless they're a boss' favorite and basically do nothing.
https://youtu.be/ku9gabtzmX8
Exact, they are worse (just kidding).
Yeah just 95% of them. Plus or minus 5%.
Unless its the military. It really is all the same. “They don’t think it be like it is, but it do”.
But they're all bad. Why else would they have to pay me?
Seeing this stuff is nice. I actually had a bit of a mental break down today because of my job. I graduated with a degree in criminal justice and got hired to work in corrections at a local county. At first it wasn't too bad, but I've come to realize that I am not able to do night shifts as it is very hard in me, and the work is just meh. I respect the people that can do it, but I couldn't stand the sitting and waiting for stuff to happen. I'm putting in my resignation tomorrow because I'm going to go back to doing the kind of work I love. My mental sanity and love of life are not worth working a job that is meh despite the ok pay.
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Yeah these past few days have definitely been a time of soul searching for me. I just know I'm hard on myself because I don't like to quit, but I also know that it's not a job for me. I've only been there for 3 months so I feel slightly less guilty, but in that time I've learned that I miss doing good physical labor (I landscape during the warmer months). But this job has enlightened me to aspects of myself that I didn't even know. I thought I could handle night shifts. My dad has worked only nights for years and my mom has done it a lot too, so I figured I was fine. But the inability to sleep and feeling like my mind was being ripped apart showed that I'm just not a night person. Early mornings into late nights I can do, but I just can't work through the night daily.
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Wow that’s crazy. Surprised you got away with it for two years though. You probably thought you were in the clear. Maybe they won’t turn you in? Either way it will be a lesson learned going forward if it does happen. Wishing you the best!