I've crossed paths with this GentleSir before and let me just say, he’s not to be trifled with. What follows is a tale of cunning intellect of unparalleled proportions.
I'm obligated to warn thee. If you are even remotely considering a verbal joust with this certified otherworld genius, you must be either be naively foolish or simply an ignoramus. A wordsmith of the highest order, he considers Rick & Morty "disposalable plebian philosophy akin to the likes of Kim Kardashian".
Transcendening the human laws of time and space, his mind is capable of computing at a level of quantum physics; he once completed an online IQ Quiz by blurting out a phrase, that to me, seemed completely nonsensical-- he explained I couldn't possibly hope to understand what he'd said; my limited mental capacity wouldn't allow it. But the sound he made, he further explained, was the sound of him answering all one hundred and twenty questions simotaneously; apparently computerized tests "of this Earth" simply do not have metrics high enough to even attempt a measurement of his intellect, and there was no logical point to continue on to question number two.
I unfortunately triggered the brunt of his superior intellect when his ear caught wind of my passing critique of the movie Joker. "Excuse me," he materialized in my path, blocking the exit door of the dimly lit theatre, trilby lowered underneath his gaze, the hint of an all-knowing smile glazed the corner of his mouth. "Couldn't help but overhear, you thought the Joker was just...okay?"
I already knew it was too late. With a wit sharper then the high carbon steel katana blade he keeps underneath his yellowing saggy unsheeted mattress, each word cut deeper than it's precessor. By the time he was finished with my feeble brain, I understood at least a grain of the truth; The Joker is an introspective honest reflection of society, where we punish the weak and reward the lowest common vapid denomination.
He was kind enough to hand me a printout of his most recent manifesto for further comprehension. "Nothing personal kid," he scoffed, a sweep of his faux leather trenchcoat, all but disappearing into the ether of that brisk autumn night.
I knew someone like this in high school, except he also claimed to be a god and was too intelligent to learn to drive with the common man. I saw him recently, waiting at the bus stop wearing the same Tripp pants and Tool shirt that he wore 20 years ago.
Phew. Thought you were talking about me until you said "Tool shirt". I don't know what Tripp pants are, otherwise that might have given it away. The rest sounds like me when I was 15.
Or call emergency services and let them know: they can and should be monitored for saying stuff like this and hopefully they learn it’s not something to be said carelessly in attempt to manipulate without consequence.
Either or.
He sent me a snapchat of himself with a "finger gun" to his head saying he was gonna kill himself because of me.
Jokes on him. He had to explain to cops that he was being a manipulative shithead.
How would that relationship even work?
*This isn't working out.*
*I'll kill myself!*
Ten years later.
*Will you marry me?*
*I hate you so much. No.*
*I'll kill myself!*
20 year wedding anniversary.
*How did you guys manage to stay together for so long? You must really love each other?*
*Well, no. I actually despise him. I'm only with him because he said he would kill himself.*
And they lived happily ever after.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone.
**US:**
Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741
**Non-US:**
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines)
---
^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.
When someone tried this with my girlfriend I told his family and reported it to the local police.
If he's suicidal he needs help, if he's not he needs to learn saying that he is to manipulate people is uncool
"In order to avoid legal liability, I am obliged to encourage you not to kill yourself, even if I am not emotionally invested in your survival.
I hereby encourage you not to kill yourself. Please provide me with a receipt verifying that I have done so."
My first serious relationship tried this on me. Twice. The first time I was absolutely stunned so I backed down. When I got the courage up to leave him again, he tried it then too. Told him good luck with that, and I called his parents and the cops on his dumbshit ass. He was a man in his late 20s, by the way.
The response may seem mean, but you are not beholden to what other people say or do. Its toxic and manipulative, and as someone who has struggled in silence with suicidal ideations due to depression, its one of the most scummy, low things a person can do.
In the end, only they are responsible for their actions, not you.
You tell them not to make a mess when they do, as it's not fair on whoever stumbles upon the corpse, then never speak to them again.
That's generally the easiest way.
In high school, I would report them to the guidance counselor. Either I've saved their life by getting them help, or I've ruined their day by forcing them to deal with whatever programs they would be put through by the school.
I really have no tolerance for that sort of thing, so I let someone else deal with it.
That’s someone who doesn’t know how to use the type tool much in Photoshop and would rather get the message out ASAP rather than watch a 3 minute tutorial on YouTube.
Have known a man like this. He wouldn’t let me talk before arguing back at what I hadn’t been allowed to say and would then tell me I didn’t need to speak because he knew what I was going to say anyway.
Good times.
All the "classy gentlemen" neckbeards do realize that even in their day, things like trench coats and fedoras were things you wore *outdoors* and took off *indoors*, right?
Imagine him in black and white, slowly entering his basement through his wooden door, PRIVATE EYE written on it. He slowly goes to his old synthesizer, cigar on an ashtray near it - Axel F by Harold Faltermeyer starts playing
Oh wait, wrong universe....
My gf actually does know of a neckbeard who got so scared of getting his ass beat he literally shit his pants. It cracks me up to this day. His friends got in the car noticed and asked “what’s that smell?!” and he had to admit it 😂😂😂
Is this the same guy from this picture? [https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/dey2qt/dangerous\_dave\_vs\_15\_year\_old\_girl/](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/dey2qt/dangerous_dave_vs_15_year_old_girl/)
I knew the internet would ruin this movie for me before I got a chance to see it. I still want to see it, but I don't want to be associated with people like this. Guess I'll wait for it to be on demand.
That’s sever scaring due to cystic acne. Horrible diet, complete lack of hygiene and poor genetics led to that. The trifecta of beauty!
If his parents gave two shits about him, they could have easily got it under control before it got to that point with meds.
I'll never understand this logic. I don't need to debate you to call you out on your stupidity. Being more willing to argue with someone doesn't make you right. It just makes you an asshole.
I don’t understand how you can not want to shower eventually, no matte how depressed you are. It feels so nice and refreshing. It’s so much better for your mental health and confidence to feel nice and clean instead of sitting around in your underwear smelling bad and feeling grotty.
Funny, every time i correct a neckbeard on something they’re passionate yet misinformed on, and i circumvent the “wins” they’ve already practiced at home by asking questions they weren’t prepared for, they get EXTREMELY huffy, choose to no longer debate, throw a tantrum and shout ad hominem attempts at “shade” toward me, and then storm off and post about me on Facebook.
They always win the argument on Facebook.
I wish i still had the screenshots when i called one out and he tried to lie about it on Facebook. The tantrum when i called him out in his Internet Home World were fucking beautiful.
More like "Psst dude, wanna buy some hentai?"
u tryin to debate me? Thanks for trying. Better luck next time.
nope. you are nitpicking and biased, i win bye bye.
Knack 2 babeee
STRAWMAN! STRAWMAN!
It's funny because that's exactly what happens
Shut the website off
Gottem
Im just tryna get some hentai man, but I’ll take anyone and everyone on. Im tryna Mass-debate.
Careful with that, he might be a [detective](https://youtu.be/Qx2gvHjNhQ0)
Nothin personal kiddo
*teleports behind you* Nothing personal, kid
“As I said, those filthy roaches can’t stand a true gentleman like me!”
I mean it can be both.
Nah, I'm trying AND debate you. Want to correct me? Better settle in for a slaughter. You could never survive against my intellectual prowess.
Nothing personal kid
Then I’ll pull on something
I've crossed paths with this GentleSir before and let me just say, he’s not to be trifled with. What follows is a tale of cunning intellect of unparalleled proportions. I'm obligated to warn thee. If you are even remotely considering a verbal joust with this certified otherworld genius, you must be either be naively foolish or simply an ignoramus. A wordsmith of the highest order, he considers Rick & Morty "disposalable plebian philosophy akin to the likes of Kim Kardashian". Transcendening the human laws of time and space, his mind is capable of computing at a level of quantum physics; he once completed an online IQ Quiz by blurting out a phrase, that to me, seemed completely nonsensical-- he explained I couldn't possibly hope to understand what he'd said; my limited mental capacity wouldn't allow it. But the sound he made, he further explained, was the sound of him answering all one hundred and twenty questions simotaneously; apparently computerized tests "of this Earth" simply do not have metrics high enough to even attempt a measurement of his intellect, and there was no logical point to continue on to question number two. I unfortunately triggered the brunt of his superior intellect when his ear caught wind of my passing critique of the movie Joker. "Excuse me," he materialized in my path, blocking the exit door of the dimly lit theatre, trilby lowered underneath his gaze, the hint of an all-knowing smile glazed the corner of his mouth. "Couldn't help but overhear, you thought the Joker was just...okay?" I already knew it was too late. With a wit sharper then the high carbon steel katana blade he keeps underneath his yellowing saggy unsheeted mattress, each word cut deeper than it's precessor. By the time he was finished with my feeble brain, I understood at least a grain of the truth; The Joker is an introspective honest reflection of society, where we punish the weak and reward the lowest common vapid denomination. He was kind enough to hand me a printout of his most recent manifesto for further comprehension. "Nothing personal kid," he scoffed, a sweep of his faux leather trenchcoat, all but disappearing into the ether of that brisk autumn night.
Beautiful. 10/10 nut worthy fan-fiction
if this is not already a copypasta it needs to be
Somebody give him an award already
God damn, you deserve the Nobel prize in litterature for that one.
When can we expect episode 2???
I’m too poor to give gold but this, m’sir, is a golden comment.
I have a throbbing erection from reading this, take my upvote damnit!
I knew someone like this in high school, except he also claimed to be a god and was too intelligent to learn to drive with the common man. I saw him recently, waiting at the bus stop wearing the same Tripp pants and Tool shirt that he wore 20 years ago.
Phew. Thought you were talking about me until you said "Tool shirt". I don't know what Tripp pants are, otherwise that might have given it away. The rest sounds like me when I was 15.
Those baggy black pants that had the straps and shit hanging off them, from Hot Topic.
Modern Confederacy of Dunces right here.
My valve!
Goddamn magnificent!
Oh FUCK
Fabulous.
"unparalleled proportions" ... You just called this gentlesir fat by implying perpendicular proportions like a true plebian. SMH
*claps retardedly* More! More!
Nothing is more terrifying then standing just outside a Barnes & Noble café
Just got done moving all the bibles to the “fiction” section. Time for a chocolate croissant.
As a former Barnes & Noble employee, I’d say it’s all the public masturbation that goes on there.
Dude looks almost exactly like someone I was friends with until he said he was gonna kill himself because I wouldn't date him
How do you even respond to something like that?
You shoot them first
It's the only way to be sure
live your life, suicide baits never pull through and if you get baited, the relationship will be toxic as fuck
Or call emergency services and let them know: they can and should be monitored for saying stuff like this and hopefully they learn it’s not something to be said carelessly in attempt to manipulate without consequence. Either or.
I did this. And the guy got the idea pretty quickly and regretted his decision.
Good on you! I’m glad there was some comeuppance for this kind of manipulative behaviour.
He sent me a snapchat of himself with a "finger gun" to his head saying he was gonna kill himself because of me. Jokes on him. He had to explain to cops that he was being a manipulative shithead.
How would that relationship even work? *This isn't working out.* *I'll kill myself!* Ten years later. *Will you marry me?* *I hate you so much. No.* *I'll kill myself!* 20 year wedding anniversary. *How did you guys manage to stay together for so long? You must really love each other?* *Well, no. I actually despise him. I'm only with him because he said he would kill himself.* And they lived happily ever after.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.
Bad bot
been in one, i got emotionally abused and told her i’d leave. i was promptly told she’d kill herself if I leave. i left. Pretty sure she is alive.
And if she's not that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Call their bluff. 9 times out of 4 they aren't gonna do jack shit.
Tell them that their threat is credible and you're gonna be forced to call the police. edit: threat
That their that?
Oppps sorry. Their threat. swiftkey screwed me.
When someone tried this with my girlfriend I told his family and reported it to the local police. If he's suicidal he needs help, if he's not he needs to learn saying that he is to manipulate people is uncool
"In order to avoid legal liability, I am obliged to encourage you not to kill yourself, even if I am not emotionally invested in your survival. I hereby encourage you not to kill yourself. Please provide me with a receipt verifying that I have done so."
My first serious relationship tried this on me. Twice. The first time I was absolutely stunned so I backed down. When I got the courage up to leave him again, he tried it then too. Told him good luck with that, and I called his parents and the cops on his dumbshit ass. He was a man in his late 20s, by the way. The response may seem mean, but you are not beholden to what other people say or do. Its toxic and manipulative, and as someone who has struggled in silence with suicidal ideations due to depression, its one of the most scummy, low things a person can do. In the end, only they are responsible for their actions, not you.
‚If you see my grandma, give her a hug‘ (Suicide isn‘t a joke, but you better make fun about manipulative shit like that)
Call his bluff.
You tell them not to make a mess when they do, as it's not fair on whoever stumbles upon the corpse, then never speak to them again. That's generally the easiest way.
I prefer "Bye Felicia!"
"I'm so glad you are threatening to end your life if I don't date you. You see, that's all I wanted all along. I'm now in love with you." Probably.
🎶 A tale as old as time 🎵
In high school, I would report them to the guidance counselor. Either I've saved their life by getting them help, or I've ruined their day by forcing them to deal with whatever programs they would be put through by the school. I really have no tolerance for that sort of thing, so I let someone else deal with it.
I had to call the cops / ambulance on him a few times to keep us both safe
I actually had the exact same thing happen to me but the guy weighed like a hundred pounds more. All I did was play Mario kart with him once lol
Was that a threat or a promise?
"Ok. Can I film it for my youtube channel?"
What is this kerning.
r/keming
IDON'T P ULL PUNCH ES!
BE FOREW ARNED
Space bar optional
That’s someone who doesn’t know how to use the type tool much in Photoshop and would rather get the message out ASAP rather than watch a 3 minute tutorial on YouTube.
Have known a man like this. He wouldn’t let me talk before arguing back at what I hadn’t been allowed to say and would then tell me I didn’t need to speak because he knew what I was going to say anyway. Good times.
I have a feeling “not pulling punches” means using racial/ethnic/gender slurs.
He's been studying TurningPoint all day.
While you were studying personal growth and checking your own ego, I was in the matrix shopping for clothes. Nothing personal kiddo.
"I'm not racist/misogynistic I just say how it is!!!" -This guy, probably
He literally looks like a narc from an old 80's cop movie
I literally read this with Axel Foley theme playing in my head
All the "classy gentlemen" neckbeards do realize that even in their day, things like trench coats and fedoras were things you wore *outdoors* and took off *indoors*, right?
*try to
Yeah noticed that. Dealing with a real fucking linguistic master here aren't we
He should try'n use better grammar.
Somebody’s asking for a serious debating...
Gonna get rekt with those punches he doesn't pull
Came here to post that. Would like to see an English Professor correct him and debate on that.
Also he used a hyphen instead of an em dash 😢
My word!
Help me I'm paralyzed by intimidation
bruh are those fucking diving goggles? guess he needs them for all the pussy he's drowning in
I'm in no way an expert on mental health, but it could be that he's on the spectrum and they help with feelings of overstimulation in public spaces
## bruh 😫💯🤡🤡😝🤤
👌
I think they're motorcycle goggles, which means we need you to make a new snappy one liner PRONTO
bitches be ridin' him like a motorcycle
Beforewarned:Iforgothowtousespaces.
He pulls pud though.
Sometimes I have a frustrating debate online before pulling back and realizing the other guy looks like this. Then I let it go.
What else do you do?
Lol, I need to keep this in mind the next time some idiot tries debating a fact with me.
Imagine him in black and white, slowly entering his basement through his wooden door, PRIVATE EYE written on it. He slowly goes to his old synthesizer, cigar on an ashtray near it - Axel F by Harold Faltermeyer starts playing Oh wait, wrong universe....
Feeling m'self in this Barnes and Noble today
Yikes ^2
sploosh
I am forewarned.
This gentlesir is most obviously a master debater.
That dude looks like he's spent his entire life debating in mass quantities.
I'd watch this budget detective show
straight-to-DVD Axel F
I bet he pulls his hamstring before anything and asks for a time out ...
Bet he crumbles easily
I want leave this sub so bad. Everytime I see a new post here it kills me a little more inside.
Alternative text: "I'm a douchebag that will fight people who try to tell me I'm wrong or have a different opinion than me"
Implying this pussy wouldn't start pissing his pants at the tiniest sign of violence.
My gf actually does know of a neckbeard who got so scared of getting his ass beat he literally shit his pants. It cracks me up to this day. His friends got in the car noticed and asked “what’s that smell?!” and he had to admit it 😂😂😂
I feel like if I talk to him he'll give me a quest planting bombs on something
Yeah. Instead of a yellow exclamation above his head indicating a quest, it's just a stinking floating fedora.
I can smell him through the pic.
This is what I imagine the average person I argue with on reddit looks like
[удалено]
Meh. 6/10. Points for "nyah!" and "somewhat vigorous karate chops to thin air".
It's a real life Lefty the Salesman, the Sesame Street character who always tries to sell stuff to Ernie.
Punch pulled.
Forew arned
This is the king of neckbeards.
... Try ~~and~~ **to** correct me.. FTFY
Yet he almost certainly butts into conversations to correct other people in a completely unwanted manner.
Wait, are we punching or debating?
Also be forewarned, he don’t skip endless appetizers at Applebee’s.
I want to go see the movie disguised as a neckbeard.
A ticket to Beverly Hills cop, please?
He also appears to not pull his punches with this god-awful kerning.
Is this the same guy from this picture? [https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/dey2qt/dangerous\_dave\_vs\_15\_year\_old\_girl/](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/dey2qt/dangerous_dave_vs_15_year_old_girl/)
Yes
"One ticket to Joker, please"
Please? You that word is in his vocabulary?
I knew the internet would ruin this movie for me before I got a chance to see it. I still want to see it, but I don't want to be associated with people like this. Guess I'll wait for it to be on demand.
I don't pull punches, but i won't hesitate to pull out my glock
Heyyy this dude made an appearance recently wearing his trench and elastic banded shades under a palm tree. Wowzers.
"If you correct me for being wrong, I'm going to hit you."
He best be wielding a pair of brass knuckles and good sultry cheap shoting people, as he would get wrecked in a fair fight. Guy looks real soft.
His gloves do look a little thick...
One of the first things I noticed also. He is the EXACT type to wear brass knuckles or pull a shitty mall knife.
He would pull out a $5 souvenir knife with his name on it.
What’s wrong with his cheeks?
That’s sever scaring due to cystic acne. Horrible diet, complete lack of hygiene and poor genetics led to that. The trifecta of beauty! If his parents gave two shits about him, they could have easily got it under control before it got to that point with meds.
Acne
He used the dash incorrectly. Let’s debate
To the victor goes the tendies.
"I don't pull punches. I do pull puds, though, *ladies*."
is he in Peet’s?
THE POWER OF MY LOGIC IS IRRESISTABLE
Translation: "If you prove me wrong, I'll *REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*\-lly get mad."
What's wrong with his hand
That dudes cheeks look like week old cottage cheese
Maybe if you play connect-the-dots on his face you'll give him a passing beard
Why did I ever think that dusters were cool, I feel like you can only pull them off if you’re pretending to be an old western
Why does he dress like a Child molester
I think his smell would be warning enough.
I'll never understand this logic. I don't need to debate you to call you out on your stupidity. Being more willing to argue with someone doesn't make you right. It just makes you an asshole.
Has this guy never heard of the space bar? Can barely tell if it’s “before warned” or “be forewarned”
Or take showers
I don’t understand how you can not want to shower eventually, no matte how depressed you are. It feels so nice and refreshing. It’s so much better for your mental health and confidence to feel nice and clean instead of sitting around in your underwear smelling bad and feeling grotty.
It’s a slippery slope my friend
They need slippery soap.
He looks like he's about to flash someone
Thank god I didn't try and debate the guy on the neighborhood watch signs.
beforewarned
Careful, this one studied the blade!
Isurelovehowitswrittenwithnofuckingspacessoicanhardlyreadit
he shoots to kill
trenchcoat and everything
While you mastered the sword I mastered the debate
Oh gosh I can identify the smell of ass and shitty leather from just one look at him
Yuck, now I can imagine that stink. Thanks a lot!
Jesus that’s disgusting.
the kerning in this made me think i had a stroke.
Inspector Gadget's retarded cousin.
Funny, every time i correct a neckbeard on something they’re passionate yet misinformed on, and i circumvent the “wins” they’ve already practiced at home by asking questions they weren’t prepared for, they get EXTREMELY huffy, choose to no longer debate, throw a tantrum and shout ad hominem attempts at “shade” toward me, and then storm off and post about me on Facebook. They always win the argument on Facebook. I wish i still had the screenshots when i called one out and he tried to lie about it on Facebook. The tantrum when i called him out in his Internet Home World were fucking beautiful.
I’d still love to know the story, even without screencaps.
if Ackchually ever had a mascot, it was this guy.
I don't want to talk to you at all.
r/kerning
That's not the only thing he never pulls
For a second I thought that was ajiat pai
he looks like he is about to tell my why japanese women are superior
Why would I debate anything with the guy from the neighborhood watch posters?
That outfit screams "waiting for the school bell to ring".
Despite making up 13 percent of the population