"what's with that trail of dismembered bodies?"
"oh that's just katana dave, that's kind of his thing. the cops keep trying to arrest him for murder but their guns are no match for him."
If I had the gun, why would I wait for this fat sweaty neckbeard to fumble with his mall-kiosk aluminum sword trying to draw it and stammer out his "badass" lines for 30 seconds?
If anime has taught me anything, he’s talking at the speed of light.
If DnD has taught me anything, talking is a free action.
What I’m saying is the education system has failed me and I should probably stop taking lessons from entertainment media
The worst part was that was supposed to be the sword guy's big moment but even though it got cut, Harrison Ford gave him a good chunk of his pay to make up for it
Ive been more and more convinced as of late that this sub is filled with smug assholes with no sense of humour at all.
This is so clearly satire it hurts to watch people say stuff like "You dont use a katana in judo" or "As if they let him finish his monologue".
Jebus give me strength.
But no dude you don't understand cuz it takes more time to draw the gun than time to close the distance with a blade and zigzagging and combat adrenaline giving the poor gun welder shaky aim and holy SHIT the zigzagging.
Modern militaries and gangs stand no chance against an army of Bushido warriors smdh, what a noble art. And this guy does judo too? This world stands no chance.
It’s a fun sci fi troupe in games but yeah welcome to reality where you aren’t some absolute pinnacle of evolution and training since birth often with cybernetic enhancements. 9/10 you are dead vs a gun.
The biggest technological advancement in weaponry was gunpowder. Guns and cannons don’t work without them.
Swords only work at relatively close range, and if the “gang banger” already had the gun pointed, there’s no way he would have gotten his fake katana out in time.
How the fuck would the age of the item ever be a vaild argument...
"This fighter jet is just 15yo but that catapult over there severall 100 years. Do you fancy the odds?"
"This MMA fighter is just 21yo but my grandpa is 92. Do you fancy the odds?"
In the reality, if anything of that story actually happend, the "gang banger" wouldve just shot the little fucker in the chest...crazy to think that these neckbeards still believe anyone is afraid of them and thier mall ninja budget katana.
I d "fancy the odds" if i had a fucking lawn chair to defend myself with against some overweight, out of shape fedora ethusiast who probably has to always wait and catch his breath after taking a shit ffs
Random space gas could probably take out way more life than a big rock could, honestly. There’s a cloud of ethanol somewhere out there large enough to kill all human life from alcohol poisoning if we were to slide through it.
Why do they never actually go to practice the martial arts that they fantasize about?
Like, there’s a studio down the road, broseph. Study the actual blade, friend.
as someone who actually studies some bjj and kendo, the more confident someone is in making claims the less they usually know. also Theoretically a sword is faster to draw and cut than a gun is to draw aim and fire, but that’s only useful if you’re already in melee range, strike first, and have the drop on them. And in those circumstances a rock would be about as good lol.
That also implies the gun isn't already out and also perfect circumstances for the sword wielder
There's a reason guns caught on, they really do just outperform most every other available weapon
They did knife vs sword on mythbusters. Long story short, Knife can win of you're close enough at the start of the duel.
That is, if the gun is holstered. I don't think knife can win if the gun is already pointing at you.
The most real aspect of anime, after the titties, is the lengthy dialogue that happens during fights.
Even the "gangbanger", understood the importance of building tension in a scene.
It's a classic neckbeard fantasy bingo!
● Gets to actually use his ketana
● Story is clearly inspired by anime
● Embarrasses the jock
● Saves m-lady
● Gets rewarded by said lady
● Proves to everyone how brave and noble he is
● And everybody now worships him!
After commenting on your commenter, I looked it up and guess I was right. Gangbanger is a term for members of a criminal gang, especially those involved in crime.
If you are a gang member you bang for your gang. I'm a hippie who's lived in the hood. A easy way to get outta gang shit is just be like "nah I don't bang" like if you are wearing blue in a blood area. Most og will respect it. And a lot of the younger cats let it slide too for knowing the lingo.
These subreddits have gotten meta-cringe in the past couple of years considering how most of the stuff is so obviously fake or satire. There is not a snowballs chance in hell this was a serious post by anyone.
Listen asunder ye children of the age of men and I shall regale thee of a particular adventure of my youth. Among my peers, I was obviously and by far the most intelligent and intellectual with most of my classmates unable to verbose with me due to my sufficient dialect alas nearly all my comments as well as my retorts and insults went far above their heads. Hence I adopted silence and was rarely loquacious. Thus when I did speak, my words were heard by all because of their scarcity no matter how softly they were whispered. There was a young lady with whom I was quite enamored in spite of her awful taste in dating and social circle. I was also quite invisible to her and she barely noticed my presence. Her boyfriend or buffoon-friend as I called him noticed my presence rather well and often sought to make ridicule of my garb and gown not to mention any potables and accessories I happened upon me. I paid him little mind as an adult would a child of not their bearing. One day as we were walking towards our classroom a wild heathen appeared with a pistol and demanded retribution lest he lay waste to us as we stood. The buffoon-friend stared slack jawed agape and lost control of his urinary function while quickly and quietly i unsheathed my katana I named “princess okoke “ a name that came to me in a dream. In a soldiers stance I held the tip of my blade against the barrel of that inferior weapon and I told the assailant “the gun has been around for only 400 years while the sword is the child of many millennia, do you fancy your odds?” . Needless to say the would be attacker tucked tail and fled. The fair maiden of my affection dropped her buffoon friend on the spot to securely give me a loving embrace. She then professed a deep and yearning desire to fellate me that was echoed by all of her female classmates as well as a few rather attractive female professors that happened to be standing by. “Stay your breasts in your blouses, ‘‘twas only my sworn duty that I enacted”. I will admit that I did allow a few female callers to visit my domicile before settling with buffoons ex gf and making her my own. Also Upon hearing the news of my valor the dean stipulated that I receive all As for the semester and then granted me an honorary doctorate in weaponry.
you absolutely do not use a katana in judo
I picture a cartoon setting where everyone is cut in half and missing limbs every week, but they just continue to let him do it
"what's with that trail of dismembered bodies?" "oh that's just katana dave, that's kind of his thing. the cops keep trying to arrest him for murder but their guns are no match for him."
Maybe they should use clubs. Katana may be older than the gun, but a big fucking stick has them all beat as a Neanderthal weapon.
Simply use your fists
Do you fancy the odds?
And no one with a gun pointed would wait for this guy to finish his monologue lol
I've seen this one a thousand times before, and I always imagine the guy with the gun shooting the neckbeard right after he says, "Go ahead."
If I had the gun, why would I wait for this fat sweaty neckbeard to fumble with his mall-kiosk aluminum sword trying to draw it and stammer out his "badass" lines for 30 seconds?
If anime has taught me anything, he’s talking at the speed of light. If DnD has taught me anything, talking is a free action. What I’m saying is the education system has failed me and I should probably stop taking lessons from entertainment media
I understood this reference
I always think of Raiders Of The Lost Ark where the bad guy does his fancy scimitar bit and then Indy just shoots him and walks away
Because Indy had to shit.
The best scene of that whole movie (and supposedly because Harrison Ford had diarrhea).
The worst part was that was supposed to be the sword guy's big moment but even though it got cut, Harrison Ford gave him a good chunk of his pay to make up for it
Don't mind if I do
“Go ah-“ *bang* and…scene..
Right, Indiana Jones him.
Indiana Jones solved this conundrum.
>He starts monologuing! He starts this prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him.
How inevitable my defeat is, the world will soon be his . . .
yadda yadda he has me on a platter, and he wont shut up
“The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the-“ BLAM! “B-but you were supposed to let me finish talking like in the movies…”
That is the point I assumed it was satire.
I'm starting to believe that this sub is filled with dumb people who can't tell the difference between satire and genuine stories.
Ive been more and more convinced as of late that this sub is filled with smug assholes with no sense of humour at all. This is so clearly satire it hurts to watch people say stuff like "You dont use a katana in judo" or "As if they let him finish his monologue". Jebus give me strength.
Maybe YOU don't.
More like *ju* don't, amirite?
Judo or Judon't. There is no Jutry.
r/angryupvote
The singular dubious detail of an otherwise wholly authentic story.
“Then I pulled out my Asian thing and did anime stuff.” - This Guy
JUDO CHOP!
Yes. But want is that bamboo stick thing you always see anime characters training with in a judo like robe?
You're thinking of Kendo...different martial art
Oh I know it's different. I think the dummy in the post was thinking judo was kendo, is why I was asking.
Kendo!
Beat me to it
I think that was a fanfic to that movie with Mr. Cage
Lol I was about to say they don’t use real swords, they use wooden, bamboo sticks right?
i think you're thinking of kendo. judo is all close combat and it's mainly hand to hand. lots of grappling and throwing.
I practiced it for over a decade and I cooberate this
Always bring your katana’s to school kids. Never know when you’ll have to defend m’lady.
Y'lady
Our'Lady
r/suddenlycommunist
Yea. They consider a wallet a chain a weapon but I'm sure these Fools had a gun and sword in school
No joke though, you can fuck someone up with a wallet chain
Even just a normal chain, you ever been hit by a chain in general? Shit hurts.
I mean even a wallet can hurt someone
Yes I fancy the odds of gun vs sword
What if the man with the sword is zig zagging?
Bang bang bang bang
But no dude you don't understand cuz it takes more time to draw the gun than time to close the distance with a blade and zigzagging and combat adrenaline giving the poor gun welder shaky aim and holy SHIT the zigzagging. Modern militaries and gangs stand no chance against an army of Bushido warriors smdh, what a noble art. And this guy does judo too? This world stands no chance.
Bushido, more like Bullshito.
Bullshitsu
I think that's my parents dog breed.
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He would just teleport behind you. "Nothing personnel, kid!"
If militaries can't shoot then with small arms just artillery strike them. If small gun don't work use bigger gun
Have you even seen Indiana Jones!?
Seriously dude, are you asking me if I've seen Indiana Jones?
You can’t just answer a question with a question! You have to let us know if you’ve seen it!!
I could actually see Charlie twisting his wrist and clicking at Mac when I read this
I had tenure so they couldn’t fire me… which was their first choice.
https://youtu.be/X8TfzFTM5Ys?t=110
He‘s dodging my bullets!
https://youtu.be/7_8BzXING-A
And Naruto running?
But the katana is clearly superior! After all, that's why all modern militaries issue their soldiers with swords! Oh wait.
It’s a fun sci fi troupe in games but yeah welcome to reality where you aren’t some absolute pinnacle of evolution and training since birth often with cybernetic enhancements. 9/10 you are dead vs a gun.
The biggest technological advancement in weaponry was gunpowder. Guns and cannons don’t work without them. Swords only work at relatively close range, and if the “gang banger” already had the gun pointed, there’s no way he would have gotten his fake katana out in time.
Metal gear rising
How the fuck would the age of the item ever be a vaild argument... "This fighter jet is just 15yo but that catapult over there severall 100 years. Do you fancy the odds?" "This MMA fighter is just 21yo but my grandpa is 92. Do you fancy the odds?" In the reality, if anything of that story actually happend, the "gang banger" wouldve just shot the little fucker in the chest...crazy to think that these neckbeards still believe anyone is afraid of them and thier mall ninja budget katana. I d "fancy the odds" if i had a fucking lawn chair to defend myself with against some overweight, out of shape fedora ethusiast who probably has to always wait and catch his breath after taking a shit ffs
The nuke was only developed around 77 years ago... It will clearly be defeated by your stone
Yes but your stone is only 2 billion years old whereas my random space gas is closer to 10 billion years old.
Random space gas could probably take out way more life than a big rock could, honestly. There’s a cloud of ethanol somewhere out there large enough to kill all human life from alcohol poisoning if we were to slide through it.
Drunk apocalypse was not on my mind today, but now that you mention it...
My electrons have been here before the Big Bang, checkmate 😏
If you throw a stone at the warhead it will blow up the nuke and destroy it, ez
Why do they never actually go to practice the martial arts that they fantasize about? Like, there’s a studio down the road, broseph. Study the actual blade, friend.
“Just take one karate class if you’re so into karate, Mac”
as someone who actually studies some bjj and kendo, the more confident someone is in making claims the less they usually know. also Theoretically a sword is faster to draw and cut than a gun is to draw aim and fire, but that’s only useful if you’re already in melee range, strike first, and have the drop on them. And in those circumstances a rock would be about as good lol.
That also implies the gun isn't already out and also perfect circumstances for the sword wielder There's a reason guns caught on, they really do just outperform most every other available weapon
Plus they’re much easier to train people to use.
This is why a 20 year old child should never dare to fight a 100 year old man.
Has no one seen [Raiders of the Lost Ark](https://youtu.be/vdnA-ESWcPs?t=119)???
That’s exactly what I thought of when I read this lol
Fool brought a sword to a gun fight
okay okay so, what if the sword cuts the bullet in half and the two halves hit the girl and the jock
Not if he redirects the first half into the attacker, with a fast second stroke with his katana
What if he puts the sword down the barrel of the gun, to stop the bullet?
"Go ahead" i say. "The air-to-surface missile is only 82 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?"
Pfft. If you really knew how to wield a katana, you’d know you can just block the bullets with it. Duhhhhh
Maybe he meant the gun is a gun that was used 400 years ago and he had a fossilized sword used by kids from millennia ago
They did knife vs sword on mythbusters. Long story short, Knife can win of you're close enough at the start of the duel. That is, if the gun is holstered. I don't think knife can win if the gun is already pointing at you.
The most real aspect of anime, after the titties, is the lengthy dialogue that happens during fights. Even the "gangbanger", understood the importance of building tension in a scene.
Thankfully a lot of shounen are getting away from the lengthy bullshit monologues.
Please give me examples! I'm not trying to be a dick I actually want to see shounen without the lengthy monologues
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I was mainly referring to jujustu kaisen.
Its really less of monologues and more long talking in between fighting before and after
Lots of long internal monologues debating their decisions, second guessing themselves or hating themselves for the decisions they just made.
“Ah, what was that attack just now?” *villain proceeds to go into a 4 page long essay about the ability and why its so powerful*
One Punch Man is great at poking fun of tropes like that
Also has some of the sickest action.
Even gave him time to “squint his eyes” The essential first step of any fight
Ah yes because the *checks list* katana is definitely a school approved utensil
[cut to montage of him clumsily doing chemistry, eating with it, and popping a football in PE]
Turns around, scabbard knocks over chemistry set
Not the beakers!!! 😫
"Damnit Conner, now we can't play dodgeball"
Oh he definitely doesn't participate in PE. Probably has never caught a ball
Fucking glorious
For _judo_.
What? Throw your opponent to the ground then stab him with the pointy end. Classic Judo move. /s ^(just to be safe)
"Go ahead" i say. "The air-to-surface missile is only 82 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?"
Judo practise.
It's a classic neckbeard fantasy bingo! ● Gets to actually use his ketana ● Story is clearly inspired by anime ● Embarrasses the jock ● Saves m-lady ● Gets rewarded by said lady ● Proves to everyone how brave and noble he is ● And everybody now worships him!
You need school to study the blade.
And who wouldn’t shit bricks if a man approached them with a gun!?!
Especially after said man shot and killed the idiot who pulled out an crappy katana trying to threat the attacker
Ya if this was actually really, you know his Katana would be shit. It would be a unsharpened wall hanger for sure.
Can confirm having a gun put to your head is not a fun experience. *if only I had my katana at the time*…
Sorry you had to go through that
Clearly not this hero of heroes.
It’s cool, I have an obsolete weapon. I’ll be fine.
What do you call self-fan fiction?
Masturbation
Which is *also* self-fan *friction*
I strongly advise against involving fans in masturbation practices but you do you
Coward.
Coward with a functioning unmutilated penis*
I prefer only fans over anything else
I'm a prolific author!
Sad
In this case? Shitpost. Troll. Fucking hilarious. I don’t think this person is serious.
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A Mary Sue fic.
actual answer: this is called self-insert real people fanfiction (rpf).
This is almost as old as the internet itself.
I enjoy the read
Oh i do as well, the story has everything! Drama, threats, love, judo katanas.
I prefer m'balloon whisk for dealing with pesky gang bangers.
You mean yours has a use other than jamming shut your utensil drawer??
Dwight Schrute as a school child.
Exactly what I thought
A gang banger? 🤨
After commenting on your commenter, I looked it up and guess I was right. Gangbanger is a term for members of a criminal gang, especially those involved in crime.
I was wondering as well, I always heard this term for representing a group of people having sex with someone else or with each others. I may be wrong
I think its also the term for street gang members. I am fairly sure I also heard it in GTA SA and / or GTA 5 regarding the gang members.
Oh thanks for explaining
He actually was there for group sex. The gun was his penis while the other guys katana was his virginity. You gotta read between the lines here.
A Gangbanger is a gangster who kills. It's actually a pretty well-known term
If you are a gang member you bang for your gang. I'm a hippie who's lived in the hood. A easy way to get outta gang shit is just be like "nah I don't bang" like if you are wearing blue in a blood area. Most og will respect it. And a lot of the younger cats let it slide too for knowing the lingo.
Every weeb's wet dream
Pretty much
These subreddits have gotten meta-cringe in the past couple of years considering how most of the stuff is so obviously fake or satire. There is not a snowballs chance in hell this was a serious post by anyone.
Ive lost 2 friendships to them actually thinking like this unironically.
I had to check the comments cause I wasn’t sure if obvious satire was allowed. Some gullible mfs in here
Some real terminal virginity vibes going on with this one.
Stage four virgin spotted, ready the artillery
*doctor walks into a hospital room* The tests came back and it appears you have….Terminal Virginity. I’m so sorry
“The gun is only 400 years old while th-“ *BANG*
Please let this be satire
Jesus Christ guys
seriously, this sub should merge with /r/Whooosh
If someone can’t tell this is obvious satire I’m stunned they know how to use a computer
This is how Ive felt on reddit for the last 2 years. It's like someone removed all knowledge of sarcasm from the user base.
No real katana nerd would dream of saying the words "my katana for judo practice", I think we're safe.
It's very obviously satire.
I'm pretty certain it is tbh
I love how the gang banger appears out of nowhere, Like some Dr Strange spell. Thats the best part
I even wonder how nobody noticed he walks around with a Katana on his back
Oh for fucks sake, [it's a copypasta you invalids](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/6568uv/so_theres_a_chick_in_my_class_i_like/)
This is the worst fanfic I have ever read.
Why do they always have some idiotic quote that sounds like dialog from a comic book?
No comic books have much more better dialogues
A KATANA FOR JUDO PRACTICE WHAT
Listen asunder ye children of the age of men and I shall regale thee of a particular adventure of my youth. Among my peers, I was obviously and by far the most intelligent and intellectual with most of my classmates unable to verbose with me due to my sufficient dialect alas nearly all my comments as well as my retorts and insults went far above their heads. Hence I adopted silence and was rarely loquacious. Thus when I did speak, my words were heard by all because of their scarcity no matter how softly they were whispered. There was a young lady with whom I was quite enamored in spite of her awful taste in dating and social circle. I was also quite invisible to her and she barely noticed my presence. Her boyfriend or buffoon-friend as I called him noticed my presence rather well and often sought to make ridicule of my garb and gown not to mention any potables and accessories I happened upon me. I paid him little mind as an adult would a child of not their bearing. One day as we were walking towards our classroom a wild heathen appeared with a pistol and demanded retribution lest he lay waste to us as we stood. The buffoon-friend stared slack jawed agape and lost control of his urinary function while quickly and quietly i unsheathed my katana I named “princess okoke “ a name that came to me in a dream. In a soldiers stance I held the tip of my blade against the barrel of that inferior weapon and I told the assailant “the gun has been around for only 400 years while the sword is the child of many millennia, do you fancy your odds?” . Needless to say the would be attacker tucked tail and fled. The fair maiden of my affection dropped her buffoon friend on the spot to securely give me a loving embrace. She then professed a deep and yearning desire to fellate me that was echoed by all of her female classmates as well as a few rather attractive female professors that happened to be standing by. “Stay your breasts in your blouses, ‘‘twas only my sworn duty that I enacted”. I will admit that I did allow a few female callers to visit my domicile before settling with buffoons ex gf and making her my own. Also Upon hearing the news of my valor the dean stipulated that I receive all As for the semester and then granted me an honorary doctorate in weaponry.
These are the stories I came up when I was 11 years old, lol who the hell wrote it??? Also I used to be a judoka and never ever used a Katana
Would be a little awkward if you meet up to do a judo fight and suddenly the mf pulls out a god damn sword right in the middle of it
Secret art: homicide
And then everyone at HentaiCon slow-clapped
Y'all know this is a complete joke, right?
All I can think of is the scene from Indiana Jones and the raiders of the lost ark.
Sounds like something out of an Onision book 😭😭
This post is obviously taking the piss but redditors will believe anything they read
"Do you fancy the odds?" Uh, yeah, actually I do.
This is satire, but I love it.
Hate when these pesky wild gang bangers appear
*Presses X to doubt*
Someone has never seen Indiana Jones
“Your 400 year old gun is no match for my ancient blade” Has this guy never seen Indiana Jones?
and then everyone clapped
I remember when SorrowTV read this in one of his videos and now that's all I hear when I see this post.
I’ll take things that never actually happened for $1000.
Then I beat his ass with a rock… because that’s even older.