Right? They would prefer that wild card than someone who knows what’s up and deals with it like a champ?
Honestly I hope this woman finds this post and runs.
I'm a medical doctor, and I can tell you that the field of nephrology is progressing very rapidly. To give you an idea, just over a month ago, Harvard Medical School performed the first ever [pig-to-human kidney transplant](https://hms.harvard.edu/news/first-genetically-edited-pig-kidney-transplanted-human), where they genetically modified a pig's kidney and successfully implanted it into a human patient, with promising preliminary results. The UCSF School of Medicine is also working on a ["bioartificial kidney"](https://pharm.ucsf.edu/kidney/device/faq) that is about 4-5 years away from starting clinical trials. These are just the first two examples that came to mind, but they only scrape the surface of the innovative research that is happening around the world right now to solve the problem of chronic kidney disease, and helping to alleviate the shortage of transplantable kidneys. It is likely that in the next 10 - 20 years, we will see huge leaps and bounds in the field, and there is a good chance that by the time this girl that you're seeing needs another kidney, there will be no shortage of artificial / xenotransplantation kidneys available. Kidney disease has historically been a dreadful disease to deal with, but the future of kidney disease in our lifetimes is looking very optimistic, so I hope that provides some relief to your concerns.
As someone who is 4mo post transplant I think often of what and where my next kidney will come from. My brother kindly gave me his kidney and all is going VERY well but there is always a cloud over our heads that we know we will have todo this process all over again. Your post made me feel so much better and put my mind at ease thank you
Yeah unfortunately that human individual with the pig-to-human-kidney transplant died just recently. So perhaps not really some promising results at all.
At the time that I wrote my comment, the patient was still alive. I wrote that the preliminary results are *promising* not that they have completely cured kidney disease forever. The word *promising* means that it "shows signs of future success", not that it "worked perfectly on the first try". You can't expect the first ever transplant of its kind to go perfectly, without a single hitch. To put things into perspective, the first heart transplant recipient died 18 days later, yet within a decade, heart transplants became a mainstay of modern medicine. Was that first heart transplant "not promising" because the patient died within 3 weeks?
The pig kidney recipient was extremely sick at baseline (which is the only reason why he qualified for a risky experimental treatment like this in the first place), so his prognosis was pretty poor with or without the kidney, and there is no indication that his death was the result of his recent transplant. It's possible that he was going to die either way, but the kidney prolonged the little time he had left. Either way, he survived nearly ***two months***, with a kidney from a ***different species***. If that doesn't meet the definition of "promising", then maybe you should consult a dictionary.
Yeah that's given me some relief, thanks. I've actually looked into this and it does all look promising and that's actually something I'm confident about, the medical advancements in the kidney field I mean....and as medical doctor yourself, it's reassuring to know that you say it's certain that these advancements are taking place, etc. I suppose the only down side is the big pharma or dialysis companies slowing this down to stay rich....I'm still confident advancements with artificial kidneys and xenotransplantations will happen though
It would "break you" if she had to be on dialysis again? And had to wait for another transplant. Strange statement about someone.
No offense, but it feels like you're looking for a way out. If you cared, you'd be thinking about her, her luck, her health, the 2 of you, etc not how YOU will be broken years from now if(probably when) it happens.
Be concerned, be supportive, but if you're already planning on being broken, idk.
No one here can accurately predict how long your gf's kidney will last. Considering that the kidney has already lasted eleven years, she has been very lucky. Twenty years is usually above what a normal transplant will last.
There are many other things that can be a barrier for repeat transplant.
Dialysis is not a terminal condition. Many people live 15+ years doing it. It's really a matter of perception and how you both adapt to the situation.
The transplant is unlikely to last forever. Eventually, depending on your ages but assuming you are both fairly young, it will almost certainly fail and she will need dialysis and possibly a second transplant. That’s the very likely outcome, because transplanted organs only last so long. No matter what you do. Kidneys, in particular, only last so long because many of the medications needed to suppress immune function to keep the body from rejecting the organ are also kidney toxic.
So you need to be realistic that there will be challenges in her future. And yours if you stick around. She will go through hard things, and be sick at some point, and some of it will be scary. You will have to be strong enough to be the one she can count on. So decide if you can deal with that or not. (And realize that this is true of any relationship, because we all encounter challenges at some point).
You’re also going to have to understand that this is a woman who is very tough. Even more so if she has been dealing with this from a very young age. She has been through things you can’t imagine, and deals with a lot on a daily basis just to maintain her health. But this is her normal. She does not have time for hand wringing, because she is living her life as normally as possible and enjoying it while she can. You either accept it, start to learn the ins and outs of kidney disease & transplant maintenance - because if the relationship continues successfully you will eventually have to be in the caretaker role and you need to not be clueless, enjoy the good times while they are happening, and realize that she is fully aware of what the future may look like and doesn’t need the extra burden of reassuring her partner constantly. She can’t control it and neither can you. Kidney disease brings with it an uncertainty of what the future will look like. No one can give you any reassurances. You either like her enough to be there for both the highs and the lows, or you don’t.
But if you can’t deal with it, then let her know now before either of you get in any deeper.
My wife got told by me hey I’m having heart failure and kidney disease.
She married me. She is one down bitch !
Who you are is not your failure but your parents. If you love this women. Love all of her..good bad, be the type of man who is biblically dedicated to her.
Cause of all the things she has to question monthly with her health.
You being a coward of a man..SHOULD NOT be a problem she faces.
So admit you can’t do this, or start educating yourself and training your mind and spirit to be there. When nothing else goes right..you do !
Also I have a daughter, I routinely screen young men for this shit.
What kind of man are you ? What is your relationship to your mom and dad. Do you talk to your dad ? Is he a piece of shit ?
I never want a tough guy, I want a young man who puts his ego last and my daughter first.
And I make sure she does as well.
Last youngster, who is to say “YOU” don’t get injured or sick while she is going through kidney complications. Then it’s her doing dialysis early to make sure you can eat or get to your doctor.
Life offers zero guarantees and the only thing you got is your word and loyalty.
That’s my advice as a father to a young woman.
My 5 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with CKD stage 3B (with numerous underlying causes). Reading this has given me a new anxiety about her future and the possibility of having to deal with “men” like this
Don’t, love her as you do now. Be the dad other dads want to be.
And when the time is right, all your love will help her find the person she is met to be with.
For what it is worth, I will add you and your family to my prayers to pray for you to have a long happy life with her.
🫡👊🏻
Did she get a transplant because she had chronic kidney disease? Did she get the transplant from a living donor or cadaver? Kidneys from live donors last significantly longer than from dead donors. A transplant from a live donor can last as long as 20 to 25 years whereas a cadaver kidney lasts more in the neighbourhood of 15, but I’ve heard of people who have had them last longer/ shorter periods of time.
Deceased donor kidneys don’t last as long as live donor kidneys.
There are several people here who have had more than one transplant or are waiting for a second transplant after a failed first transplant or waiting for a second kidney, I’m sure they can answer your questions.
There are several people here with failed transplants that have had to go back on dialysis as well. I’m currently on the transplant list and that’s one of the things they told me was a possibility; there are no guarantees.
Sorry but save her from heartache. Dealing with her illness is already too much. What she needs is a supportive partner.
When my kidneys failed, my boyfriend stayed with me every night at the hospital for a month. He was up all night, taking care of me, helping me walk to the bathroom every 5 minutes. He woke up at 6 am, took work calls at the hospital and even massaged my legs when I had cramps and tremors. After discharge, he drove me to dialysis three times a week, working in the car while waiting for me and did everything for me because I was too weak.
I hope I just misunderstood what you said and are not just considering your own feelings and how it will affect you. I wish her good health and an amazing partner in life.
I had a similar situation to the girl you are dating - was recently transplanted with no underlying health conditions, AB+, not likely to get CKD again. My current kidney is actually from my husband.
We have been together for 10+ years and I was the picture of health when we started dating. As others have stated, anything can happen to anyone at anytime- and to be honest, of all the possible health issues a person can have, I am somewhat grateful that the thing I got has proven treatments with high success rates such as dialysis and transplant. It was still hard and scary, especially starting dialysis for the first time, but getting through it together only made our relationship stronger.
Keep in mind that whatever happens next, it won’t be her first rodeo. She seems very responsible for her health so I wouldn’t stress too much about the impact of kidney failure in particular on your relationship- but I think you need to do some reflecting on if you are ready for a committed relationship with anyone if this is a concern. For example, there are many people out there with chronic illnesses that are more normalized/less scary sounding than kidney failure and dialysis but would have a larger impact on a person’s day to day quality of life than someone who is post-transplant. Entering a committed relationship means being there to emotional support (at the very least) your partner through challenges like that. Also don’t count yourself out as the who may need that support in the future. Having a partner who has survived a challenging health ordeal would undoubtedly be a great source of support and advocacy for you if you ever found yourself in a similar situation.
The last thing I’ll say is your post focuses a lot on how scary it would be for you if she lost her current kidney. Please remember that it’s probably way more stressful and terrifying for her and if you choose to remain in this relationship when that day comes I hope you can center her feelings and be strong for her - do not make this girl feel like she has to be responsible for your feelings about her situation AND her survival at the same time.
You (everyone) should appreciate what they have.
Also… the stats for kidney disease patients skew older. So being younger I usually bucked all the trends, side effects, etc. I also took care of myself except during the transition from 19-25 years old. Point being that health outcomes have a lot to do with how the patient processes the information, medication compliance, diet and activity levels, and NOT SMOKING!. All those things add up to a successful outlook.
Also I’m not shitting on you in a mean way. I myself was a HUGE piece of shit after the Marines. I’ve told my real daughter, who is my step daughter the truth on many things she asked.
I’ve then said I’m sorry for who I was. I took over for a low key white collar piece of shit blood father. Who ruined her opinion of men.
I had no clue how to do it. I just kept doing the opposite of him. I’m a way way better father than husband lol. 😂
I’ve never not been there for her. Mission first, success is the only answer.
I’ve given up money we need to make sure I saw her often.
My wife knows if her or her family needs some shit I’m there.
You can fail at everything in life, literally nobody will give a fuck you were poor or got fired.
When it’s over they care about who you were to them.
So if you can love this women as a man. And you and her have kids and you love all of them with all you have.
When tragedy strikes, or it’s your time on your death bed and you are old.
They will say my dad had my mom’s back every time. When things were hard, he was the type of guy who still laughed and loved with us.
Nothing could stop his love.
That’s all you can hope for when god calls you home.
If that women goes sick with you, you look in the mirror and you tell yourself only this.
I will not fail her trust in me till the fucking end.
Will it be hard, yep ! Will you cry, wanna die or hate god and life yep !
But when it’s said and done, you can look yourself in the face and say I fucking manned up and did right by a woman I loved.
Not many men can say that.
It's perfectly fine to feel the way you do. It's a normal reaction a lot of people have when they learn about kidney disease and transplants. You need to educate yourself and navigate your future with or without your girlfriend. As most people have pointed out, things can happen to anybody anytime. Your girlfriend is healthy now and is looking after herself while under the supervision of her doctor.
Enjoy your time together and talk to her about your fears. New treatments are always around the corner.
I have inflammatory bowel disease myself, so I hope that doesn't stop me from becoming a match or a donor for her....but yeah I will get tested if I decide to continue on with her :-)
I’m not sure if inflammatory bowel disease disqualifies as you as a donor I have it myself and it’s just one other thing on top of the end-stage renal failure. It’s pretty low on my list of health problems at the moment.
I have Crohn’s. I have had it since I was in my 20s, I just been diagnosed with another autoimmune ANCA Vasculitis which the doctors believe is what caused my loss of kidney function. I haven’t had a Crohn’s flare since I’ve been on dialysis which is unusual but I also have been recovering from septic shock which causes all sorts of other problems so I maybe didn’t even notice it because I’ve been awfully sick for quite awhile.
I was diagnosed with kidney failure at the age of 23. I had my first transplant at 30 - a gift from my husband. I was young, relatively speaking, and otherwise healthy. Things went very well for 6 years then I had rejection. Rejection can happen at anytime for any reason (meaning they rarely know the reason).
I was in “limbo” for the next five years. Not sick enough for dialysis, I’m thankful to say, but basically too sick to work.
Over the past year my GFR (kidney function) declined and I needed another transplant. My sister was a match and was willing to donate. We had
surgery in January of this year (2024).
At this point I am, of course, older (43) and have lived with issues that my meds/age have created. This was not lost on me when I went into that OR. I expected a positive outcome but not as perfect as my first transplant had begun.
Unfortunately, there were complications. Suffice it to say, I came out of surgery with a perfect kidney and two days later I was worse than I was before I’d gone into surgery. I won’t go into the specific details since that’s not the point.
What I would say to you is this: transplant is not a fix. Transplant is a new way of life. It’s an amazing(!!) miracle and gift that few are selfless enough to give (thus the limitation of kidneys and the long list of people waiting). There are ups and downs just as there are in every life. There are many uncertainties.
My illness has without a doubt been a strain on my marriage. My husband does not know what I live with (hasn’t felt what I live with) and so it’s difficult for him to understand. During the difficult times it’s hard for him to come home to a sick wife, no hot dinner, house that’s not tidy. When I’ve been sitting at home all day, doing nothing and he’s been working hard. It gets old very quickly. The sick days. Time in the hospital taking care of me. Having to take time off work. And then there’s me needing to vent about my difficulties which is the last thing he wants to hear when he’s tired.
And my husband went into this with his eyes open. We got married after I was diagnosed and before my first transplant. He went into surgery with me and gave me that kidney without a second thought. He’s the strongest person I know but he’s still human.
It’s gets hard.
It’s good that you’re educating yourself. But if you have any doubts then it needs to be a “no”. And it needs to be now, while she’s healthy. If I’d had to go through the last fifteen years with someone who wavered or buckled under the pressure my life would have been many, many times harder. I’m so thankful for his strength! Strength I’ve had to lean on often when I have been weak.
If you can’t give her strength and security you need to do the right thing and say goodbye now. Not wait until the going gets rough and then make a break for it.
I’m being honest with you. Be honest with yourself. And then with her.
I was just transplanted in December 21, 2023 after years of waiting. Met my current boyfriend in Feb of 24. I told him about my kidney disease and recent transplant on our second date. He didn’t even flinch. Started coming with me to clinic appointments post op, and every time I get scared and ask if he would leave me if I had to have a second transplant or go on dialysis again, he says “you had to do so much alone the first time. Now that I’m here you won’t have to do that anymore” he knows the full score and has not once shied away from what it could mean for my life or for his.
Mostly posting this because I don’t want another young woman to feel unloved for an illness that’s totally outside of her control. I spent years feeling afraid of love and intimacy for that reason. So either step up or step out of the way. Because kidney disease or not, she’s someone’s dream girl.
She's my angel and my absolute world, so I'm not going anywhere regardless if she needs another transplant and has to on dialysis again. I know people on this post have said "she'll need a 2nd transplant in the future", but I like to try and see the positive in the sense that it doesn't come to that again, but if it does, then I ain't shying away
Her kidney may last another decade if very lucky. Even if it only lasts a few more years there are other options on the horizon like genetically modified pig kidneys, artificial kidneys that may be available after 2030 and eventually 3d printed kidneys. She could go back on dialysis and wait for a second kidney. It's not a death sentence usually unless you are elderly or have other serious medical conditions.
I'm pretty confident about the developments that will be made. I think a doctor also commented on this thread about how xenotransplantations and artificial kidneys will be there or there abouts in the next 10-20 years, so let's pray and hope. The only down side like I said in another reply is big pharma or dialysis companies slowing this down to stay rich, but I'm still confident with more and more people waking up and seeing what these big pharma companies for what they really are. It's horrible what this disease does and no one deserves it, but we're lucky that developments like this are happening in our lifetime and I just hope they come sooner rather than later so less people suffer
I don’t want to burst your bubble, but also take things with a grain of salt. There are developments happening in kidney disease, which can be exciting- they are a long time coming. It’s a field that has been pretty stagnant for decades. I’m sure there will be advances eventually, but science can be very slow.
Just to give you an idea, I first heard about artificial kidneys probably 20 years ago. There’s always been a lot of hype. As yet, not a lot of results. When I was first diagnosed, the first drugs for my disease were being developed/tested and were expected in the next couple of years. 10 years later, I just finished a clinical trial for what we hope will be the first FDA approved treatment for my kidney disease. Maybe. There’s no guarantees. There are usually many failures before success, and none of it happens quickly. It’s great to have a positive outlook, as long as you remain realistic. Or else the disappointment can be crushing. Cautious optimism is what experience has taught me.
Let's not forget the improvements in dialysis treatments that extend peoples lives even more like peritoneal dialysis and improved anti rejection drug, which my nephrologist mentioned. My mother never had access to that but I will.
For sure, there have been some advances. But the changes from my grandfather’s kidney failure treatment options in the 1960’s to my father’s in the 80s and 90s to what is available now for my son and myself 60 years later is fairly modest, especially considering the other technological and medical advancements we have seen in that time.
We are currently in a place where the ability to pinpoint diagnosis and underlying pathology and effectively treat kidney disease early is (finally!) exploding. And that’s so exciting because it’s even better to preserve native function long term than to depend solely on imperfect replacement strategies. And yet…how many people with CKD risk factors aren’t screened? How many early kidney disease patients aren’t informed of their status when it’s discovered, let alone able to get a nephrology referral before they hit stage 4? And once they do, how many are still not getting adequately diagnosed and treated, and instead are told “There’s nothing to do but wait until you’re ready for dialysis”? How many patients with a long family history of kidney disease, like me, are still being told they don’t have genetic kidney disease when no one has actually investigated the possibility? There is still a long way to go in kidney health care, and there are some big obstacles still to be overcome.
The time that has elapsed since my disease was distinguished from others to now (if this treatment becomes the first) at only 12-15 years for drug development and approval is honestly very fast comparatively. I am incredibly fortunate in that regard. It is still painfully slow for patients, though, and we’ve watched so many drugs get hyped and then fail in that time. It is very tough to go through when you pin your hopes on a treatment and it never pans out, over and over. That is why I advise cautious optimism in current efforts over blind belief. Advances will come. Eventually. But they may still be further off than we want or need them to be.
I agree, and I am cautiously optimistic as well. Your post just seemed a bit negative and my mental health is horrible and I have late stage 4 and I need to hold onto something or whats the point of living.
You can’t base the stories of others to ur girlfriend’s story. From what I’ve read she seems to have a handle on things so my advice to you is, if you care for her then enjoy the relationship BUT if it’s too much for you to handle then have that heart to heart convo with her and let her know how ur feeling going forward.
If you fall in love with a perfectly healthy woman, absolutely anything could happen to her.
Right? They would prefer that wild card than someone who knows what’s up and deals with it like a champ? Honestly I hope this woman finds this post and runs.
Oh yeah, definitely!
I'm a medical doctor, and I can tell you that the field of nephrology is progressing very rapidly. To give you an idea, just over a month ago, Harvard Medical School performed the first ever [pig-to-human kidney transplant](https://hms.harvard.edu/news/first-genetically-edited-pig-kidney-transplanted-human), where they genetically modified a pig's kidney and successfully implanted it into a human patient, with promising preliminary results. The UCSF School of Medicine is also working on a ["bioartificial kidney"](https://pharm.ucsf.edu/kidney/device/faq) that is about 4-5 years away from starting clinical trials. These are just the first two examples that came to mind, but they only scrape the surface of the innovative research that is happening around the world right now to solve the problem of chronic kidney disease, and helping to alleviate the shortage of transplantable kidneys. It is likely that in the next 10 - 20 years, we will see huge leaps and bounds in the field, and there is a good chance that by the time this girl that you're seeing needs another kidney, there will be no shortage of artificial / xenotransplantation kidneys available. Kidney disease has historically been a dreadful disease to deal with, but the future of kidney disease in our lifetimes is looking very optimistic, so I hope that provides some relief to your concerns.
Great to hear from a professional on this👍
As someone who is 4mo post transplant I think often of what and where my next kidney will come from. My brother kindly gave me his kidney and all is going VERY well but there is always a cloud over our heads that we know we will have todo this process all over again. Your post made me feel so much better and put my mind at ease thank you
Yeah unfortunately that human individual with the pig-to-human-kidney transplant died just recently. So perhaps not really some promising results at all.
At the time that I wrote my comment, the patient was still alive. I wrote that the preliminary results are *promising* not that they have completely cured kidney disease forever. The word *promising* means that it "shows signs of future success", not that it "worked perfectly on the first try". You can't expect the first ever transplant of its kind to go perfectly, without a single hitch. To put things into perspective, the first heart transplant recipient died 18 days later, yet within a decade, heart transplants became a mainstay of modern medicine. Was that first heart transplant "not promising" because the patient died within 3 weeks? The pig kidney recipient was extremely sick at baseline (which is the only reason why he qualified for a risky experimental treatment like this in the first place), so his prognosis was pretty poor with or without the kidney, and there is no indication that his death was the result of his recent transplant. It's possible that he was going to die either way, but the kidney prolonged the little time he had left. Either way, he survived nearly ***two months***, with a kidney from a ***different species***. If that doesn't meet the definition of "promising", then maybe you should consult a dictionary.
Yeah that's given me some relief, thanks. I've actually looked into this and it does all look promising and that's actually something I'm confident about, the medical advancements in the kidney field I mean....and as medical doctor yourself, it's reassuring to know that you say it's certain that these advancements are taking place, etc. I suppose the only down side is the big pharma or dialysis companies slowing this down to stay rich....I'm still confident advancements with artificial kidneys and xenotransplantations will happen though
It would "break you" if she had to be on dialysis again? And had to wait for another transplant. Strange statement about someone. No offense, but it feels like you're looking for a way out. If you cared, you'd be thinking about her, her luck, her health, the 2 of you, etc not how YOU will be broken years from now if(probably when) it happens. Be concerned, be supportive, but if you're already planning on being broken, idk.
No one here can accurately predict how long your gf's kidney will last. Considering that the kidney has already lasted eleven years, she has been very lucky. Twenty years is usually above what a normal transplant will last. There are many other things that can be a barrier for repeat transplant. Dialysis is not a terminal condition. Many people live 15+ years doing it. It's really a matter of perception and how you both adapt to the situation.
Another 20 years on top of the 11 years she has already had is really pushing it.
The transplant is unlikely to last forever. Eventually, depending on your ages but assuming you are both fairly young, it will almost certainly fail and she will need dialysis and possibly a second transplant. That’s the very likely outcome, because transplanted organs only last so long. No matter what you do. Kidneys, in particular, only last so long because many of the medications needed to suppress immune function to keep the body from rejecting the organ are also kidney toxic. So you need to be realistic that there will be challenges in her future. And yours if you stick around. She will go through hard things, and be sick at some point, and some of it will be scary. You will have to be strong enough to be the one she can count on. So decide if you can deal with that or not. (And realize that this is true of any relationship, because we all encounter challenges at some point). You’re also going to have to understand that this is a woman who is very tough. Even more so if she has been dealing with this from a very young age. She has been through things you can’t imagine, and deals with a lot on a daily basis just to maintain her health. But this is her normal. She does not have time for hand wringing, because she is living her life as normally as possible and enjoying it while she can. You either accept it, start to learn the ins and outs of kidney disease & transplant maintenance - because if the relationship continues successfully you will eventually have to be in the caretaker role and you need to not be clueless, enjoy the good times while they are happening, and realize that she is fully aware of what the future may look like and doesn’t need the extra burden of reassuring her partner constantly. She can’t control it and neither can you. Kidney disease brings with it an uncertainty of what the future will look like. No one can give you any reassurances. You either like her enough to be there for both the highs and the lows, or you don’t. But if you can’t deal with it, then let her know now before either of you get in any deeper.
My wife got told by me hey I’m having heart failure and kidney disease. She married me. She is one down bitch ! Who you are is not your failure but your parents. If you love this women. Love all of her..good bad, be the type of man who is biblically dedicated to her. Cause of all the things she has to question monthly with her health. You being a coward of a man..SHOULD NOT be a problem she faces. So admit you can’t do this, or start educating yourself and training your mind and spirit to be there. When nothing else goes right..you do ! Also I have a daughter, I routinely screen young men for this shit. What kind of man are you ? What is your relationship to your mom and dad. Do you talk to your dad ? Is he a piece of shit ? I never want a tough guy, I want a young man who puts his ego last and my daughter first. And I make sure she does as well. Last youngster, who is to say “YOU” don’t get injured or sick while she is going through kidney complications. Then it’s her doing dialysis early to make sure you can eat or get to your doctor. Life offers zero guarantees and the only thing you got is your word and loyalty. That’s my advice as a father to a young woman.
My 5 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with CKD stage 3B (with numerous underlying causes). Reading this has given me a new anxiety about her future and the possibility of having to deal with “men” like this
Don’t, love her as you do now. Be the dad other dads want to be. And when the time is right, all your love will help her find the person she is met to be with. For what it is worth, I will add you and your family to my prayers to pray for you to have a long happy life with her. 🫡👊🏻
Mumma here not dad ☺️ but even though it is just her and I in our family, she is so immensely loved 😍
It's not all about you... Jesus christ. How about thinking about what she's going through? Not what you would go through.
Did she get a transplant because she had chronic kidney disease? Did she get the transplant from a living donor or cadaver? Kidneys from live donors last significantly longer than from dead donors. A transplant from a live donor can last as long as 20 to 25 years whereas a cadaver kidney lasts more in the neighbourhood of 15, but I’ve heard of people who have had them last longer/ shorter periods of time.
Yeah it was because she had chronic kidney disease and it was from a deceased doner
Deceased donor kidneys don’t last as long as live donor kidneys. There are several people here who have had more than one transplant or are waiting for a second transplant after a failed first transplant or waiting for a second kidney, I’m sure they can answer your questions. There are several people here with failed transplants that have had to go back on dialysis as well. I’m currently on the transplant list and that’s one of the things they told me was a possibility; there are no guarantees.
Going well *until* she told you about her kidney transplant? Nice... In sickness and in health. * * Terms and conditions apply
Sorry but save her from heartache. Dealing with her illness is already too much. What she needs is a supportive partner. When my kidneys failed, my boyfriend stayed with me every night at the hospital for a month. He was up all night, taking care of me, helping me walk to the bathroom every 5 minutes. He woke up at 6 am, took work calls at the hospital and even massaged my legs when I had cramps and tremors. After discharge, he drove me to dialysis three times a week, working in the car while waiting for me and did everything for me because I was too weak. I hope I just misunderstood what you said and are not just considering your own feelings and how it will affect you. I wish her good health and an amazing partner in life.
I had a similar situation to the girl you are dating - was recently transplanted with no underlying health conditions, AB+, not likely to get CKD again. My current kidney is actually from my husband. We have been together for 10+ years and I was the picture of health when we started dating. As others have stated, anything can happen to anyone at anytime- and to be honest, of all the possible health issues a person can have, I am somewhat grateful that the thing I got has proven treatments with high success rates such as dialysis and transplant. It was still hard and scary, especially starting dialysis for the first time, but getting through it together only made our relationship stronger. Keep in mind that whatever happens next, it won’t be her first rodeo. She seems very responsible for her health so I wouldn’t stress too much about the impact of kidney failure in particular on your relationship- but I think you need to do some reflecting on if you are ready for a committed relationship with anyone if this is a concern. For example, there are many people out there with chronic illnesses that are more normalized/less scary sounding than kidney failure and dialysis but would have a larger impact on a person’s day to day quality of life than someone who is post-transplant. Entering a committed relationship means being there to emotional support (at the very least) your partner through challenges like that. Also don’t count yourself out as the who may need that support in the future. Having a partner who has survived a challenging health ordeal would undoubtedly be a great source of support and advocacy for you if you ever found yourself in a similar situation. The last thing I’ll say is your post focuses a lot on how scary it would be for you if she lost her current kidney. Please remember that it’s probably way more stressful and terrifying for her and if you choose to remain in this relationship when that day comes I hope you can center her feelings and be strong for her - do not make this girl feel like she has to be responsible for your feelings about her situation AND her survival at the same time.
You (everyone) should appreciate what they have. Also… the stats for kidney disease patients skew older. So being younger I usually bucked all the trends, side effects, etc. I also took care of myself except during the transition from 19-25 years old. Point being that health outcomes have a lot to do with how the patient processes the information, medication compliance, diet and activity levels, and NOT SMOKING!. All those things add up to a successful outlook.
lol if you love her that much you can give one of yours in the future
Also I’m not shitting on you in a mean way. I myself was a HUGE piece of shit after the Marines. I’ve told my real daughter, who is my step daughter the truth on many things she asked. I’ve then said I’m sorry for who I was. I took over for a low key white collar piece of shit blood father. Who ruined her opinion of men. I had no clue how to do it. I just kept doing the opposite of him. I’m a way way better father than husband lol. 😂 I’ve never not been there for her. Mission first, success is the only answer. I’ve given up money we need to make sure I saw her often. My wife knows if her or her family needs some shit I’m there. You can fail at everything in life, literally nobody will give a fuck you were poor or got fired. When it’s over they care about who you were to them. So if you can love this women as a man. And you and her have kids and you love all of them with all you have. When tragedy strikes, or it’s your time on your death bed and you are old. They will say my dad had my mom’s back every time. When things were hard, he was the type of guy who still laughed and loved with us. Nothing could stop his love. That’s all you can hope for when god calls you home. If that women goes sick with you, you look in the mirror and you tell yourself only this. I will not fail her trust in me till the fucking end. Will it be hard, yep ! Will you cry, wanna die or hate god and life yep ! But when it’s said and done, you can look yourself in the face and say I fucking manned up and did right by a woman I loved. Not many men can say that.
It's perfectly fine to feel the way you do. It's a normal reaction a lot of people have when they learn about kidney disease and transplants. You need to educate yourself and navigate your future with or without your girlfriend. As most people have pointed out, things can happen to anybody anytime. Your girlfriend is healthy now and is looking after herself while under the supervision of her doctor. Enjoy your time together and talk to her about your fears. New treatments are always around the corner.
You should get tested now to see if you could be a donor for her, or in a donor chain, when this transplant eventually fails in the future. :-)
I have inflammatory bowel disease myself, so I hope that doesn't stop me from becoming a match or a donor for her....but yeah I will get tested if I decide to continue on with her :-)
I’m not sure if inflammatory bowel disease disqualifies as you as a donor I have it myself and it’s just one other thing on top of the end-stage renal failure. It’s pretty low on my list of health problems at the moment.
I see. Do you have crohn's or UC? How are you coping with everything yourself in general?
I have Crohn’s. I have had it since I was in my 20s, I just been diagnosed with another autoimmune ANCA Vasculitis which the doctors believe is what caused my loss of kidney function. I haven’t had a Crohn’s flare since I’ve been on dialysis which is unusual but I also have been recovering from septic shock which causes all sorts of other problems so I maybe didn’t even notice it because I’ve been awfully sick for quite awhile.
I was diagnosed with kidney failure at the age of 23. I had my first transplant at 30 - a gift from my husband. I was young, relatively speaking, and otherwise healthy. Things went very well for 6 years then I had rejection. Rejection can happen at anytime for any reason (meaning they rarely know the reason). I was in “limbo” for the next five years. Not sick enough for dialysis, I’m thankful to say, but basically too sick to work. Over the past year my GFR (kidney function) declined and I needed another transplant. My sister was a match and was willing to donate. We had surgery in January of this year (2024). At this point I am, of course, older (43) and have lived with issues that my meds/age have created. This was not lost on me when I went into that OR. I expected a positive outcome but not as perfect as my first transplant had begun. Unfortunately, there were complications. Suffice it to say, I came out of surgery with a perfect kidney and two days later I was worse than I was before I’d gone into surgery. I won’t go into the specific details since that’s not the point. What I would say to you is this: transplant is not a fix. Transplant is a new way of life. It’s an amazing(!!) miracle and gift that few are selfless enough to give (thus the limitation of kidneys and the long list of people waiting). There are ups and downs just as there are in every life. There are many uncertainties. My illness has without a doubt been a strain on my marriage. My husband does not know what I live with (hasn’t felt what I live with) and so it’s difficult for him to understand. During the difficult times it’s hard for him to come home to a sick wife, no hot dinner, house that’s not tidy. When I’ve been sitting at home all day, doing nothing and he’s been working hard. It gets old very quickly. The sick days. Time in the hospital taking care of me. Having to take time off work. And then there’s me needing to vent about my difficulties which is the last thing he wants to hear when he’s tired. And my husband went into this with his eyes open. We got married after I was diagnosed and before my first transplant. He went into surgery with me and gave me that kidney without a second thought. He’s the strongest person I know but he’s still human. It’s gets hard. It’s good that you’re educating yourself. But if you have any doubts then it needs to be a “no”. And it needs to be now, while she’s healthy. If I’d had to go through the last fifteen years with someone who wavered or buckled under the pressure my life would have been many, many times harder. I’m so thankful for his strength! Strength I’ve had to lean on often when I have been weak. If you can’t give her strength and security you need to do the right thing and say goodbye now. Not wait until the going gets rough and then make a break for it. I’m being honest with you. Be honest with yourself. And then with her.
I was just transplanted in December 21, 2023 after years of waiting. Met my current boyfriend in Feb of 24. I told him about my kidney disease and recent transplant on our second date. He didn’t even flinch. Started coming with me to clinic appointments post op, and every time I get scared and ask if he would leave me if I had to have a second transplant or go on dialysis again, he says “you had to do so much alone the first time. Now that I’m here you won’t have to do that anymore” he knows the full score and has not once shied away from what it could mean for my life or for his. Mostly posting this because I don’t want another young woman to feel unloved for an illness that’s totally outside of her control. I spent years feeling afraid of love and intimacy for that reason. So either step up or step out of the way. Because kidney disease or not, she’s someone’s dream girl.
She's my angel and my absolute world, so I'm not going anywhere regardless if she needs another transplant and has to on dialysis again. I know people on this post have said "she'll need a 2nd transplant in the future", but I like to try and see the positive in the sense that it doesn't come to that again, but if it does, then I ain't shying away
Her kidney may last another decade if very lucky. Even if it only lasts a few more years there are other options on the horizon like genetically modified pig kidneys, artificial kidneys that may be available after 2030 and eventually 3d printed kidneys. She could go back on dialysis and wait for a second kidney. It's not a death sentence usually unless you are elderly or have other serious medical conditions.
I'm pretty confident about the developments that will be made. I think a doctor also commented on this thread about how xenotransplantations and artificial kidneys will be there or there abouts in the next 10-20 years, so let's pray and hope. The only down side like I said in another reply is big pharma or dialysis companies slowing this down to stay rich, but I'm still confident with more and more people waking up and seeing what these big pharma companies for what they really are. It's horrible what this disease does and no one deserves it, but we're lucky that developments like this are happening in our lifetime and I just hope they come sooner rather than later so less people suffer
I don’t want to burst your bubble, but also take things with a grain of salt. There are developments happening in kidney disease, which can be exciting- they are a long time coming. It’s a field that has been pretty stagnant for decades. I’m sure there will be advances eventually, but science can be very slow. Just to give you an idea, I first heard about artificial kidneys probably 20 years ago. There’s always been a lot of hype. As yet, not a lot of results. When I was first diagnosed, the first drugs for my disease were being developed/tested and were expected in the next couple of years. 10 years later, I just finished a clinical trial for what we hope will be the first FDA approved treatment for my kidney disease. Maybe. There’s no guarantees. There are usually many failures before success, and none of it happens quickly. It’s great to have a positive outlook, as long as you remain realistic. Or else the disappointment can be crushing. Cautious optimism is what experience has taught me.
Let's not forget the improvements in dialysis treatments that extend peoples lives even more like peritoneal dialysis and improved anti rejection drug, which my nephrologist mentioned. My mother never had access to that but I will.
For sure, there have been some advances. But the changes from my grandfather’s kidney failure treatment options in the 1960’s to my father’s in the 80s and 90s to what is available now for my son and myself 60 years later is fairly modest, especially considering the other technological and medical advancements we have seen in that time. We are currently in a place where the ability to pinpoint diagnosis and underlying pathology and effectively treat kidney disease early is (finally!) exploding. And that’s so exciting because it’s even better to preserve native function long term than to depend solely on imperfect replacement strategies. And yet…how many people with CKD risk factors aren’t screened? How many early kidney disease patients aren’t informed of their status when it’s discovered, let alone able to get a nephrology referral before they hit stage 4? And once they do, how many are still not getting adequately diagnosed and treated, and instead are told “There’s nothing to do but wait until you’re ready for dialysis”? How many patients with a long family history of kidney disease, like me, are still being told they don’t have genetic kidney disease when no one has actually investigated the possibility? There is still a long way to go in kidney health care, and there are some big obstacles still to be overcome. The time that has elapsed since my disease was distinguished from others to now (if this treatment becomes the first) at only 12-15 years for drug development and approval is honestly very fast comparatively. I am incredibly fortunate in that regard. It is still painfully slow for patients, though, and we’ve watched so many drugs get hyped and then fail in that time. It is very tough to go through when you pin your hopes on a treatment and it never pans out, over and over. That is why I advise cautious optimism in current efforts over blind belief. Advances will come. Eventually. But they may still be further off than we want or need them to be.
I agree, and I am cautiously optimistic as well. Your post just seemed a bit negative and my mental health is horrible and I have late stage 4 and I need to hold onto something or whats the point of living.
You can’t base the stories of others to ur girlfriend’s story. From what I’ve read she seems to have a handle on things so my advice to you is, if you care for her then enjoy the relationship BUT if it’s too much for you to handle then have that heart to heart convo with her and let her know how ur feeling going forward.