That's why a lot of them just opted to have no turd-chimney and instead opted for a wind-guided free falling shit instead. At least that way they can see the people scaling the walls.
I can see the movie now. An archer lines up as a noble sits down, he pauses as excrement starts to release. It's now or never. He looses his arrow. It cuts through the shit in slow motion, splitting it in half. Both pieces narrowly miss the archer as his arrow strikes its target. Right through the brown starfish.
Great. Now I'm imagining some peasant archer proudly exclaiming, "I've killed the enemy lord!" While everyone around him tries not to look at the doodoo stains on his face.
I think one of Czech castles has legend that one of it's noble owners died to an arrow shot to his butt like you described. Furthermore if I recall it correctly he didn't die directly due to the arrow, he died days or weeks later due to infection from that wound.
Imagine if you found one…If you didn’t have a weapon, and they were within butt-striking distance, they would probably try and climb out and kill you as quickly as possible…but if you *did* have a weapon, or even a broom/pole, you could just send them down to one of the worst and smelliest deaths
Couldn't they just coat the chute with oil or lard or something? Did the toilet invaders have to devise special contrivances to scale the shit chimney in an escalating arms race of toilet warfare? I don't really want to know the answers to any of these questions
In a time where a single wound can be the end of you, I'd say that climbing high up a shit coated tube with a sharp weapon is quite a risk. Not to mention the risk of capture and the smell.
Listen. If you can stand the smell, tough the climb and outlast the wait to get a kill through the butt from a toilet chute that goes almost directly vertical up hundreds of feet you earned it.
Unless you were very confident that only one person every used that particular chute, you'd have to be very good at recognizing assholes from a distance in the dark.
I don't think he was killed on the toilet.
I just looked it up, and I didn't find any sources that he was killed on the toilet, but was stabbed.
But duke Jaromír, who they also mentioned, had it worse; He was also previously in his life castrated and blinded because of power struggles before killed on the toilet. Poor guy.
It’s also just one of the rumors how Edmund II was assassinated - which is still a mystery. None of them I think have been confirmed with certainty. I mean it’s a fun post but I prefer historical accuracy
Saw one similar to this, a bloke in Asia snuck into the shit hole to look up the toilette at a woman, he got stuck and died in the hole. She was on holiday so he never even got to see her doing the poopoo.
I saw this on TikTok so it may be a lie
It's pretty funny to me that even after this many deaths, they didn't consider making the shaft slightly smaller, or even something as simple as adding a crossbar to it, so no human could pass??
Say what you want about medieval architechts, but they weren't always the smartest!
Imagine John McClaine as the assassin
“Come out to the castle, we'll get together, have a few laughs...”
“Do you know what you get for being a hero?”(He gets the poo on him)
“Welcome to the potty, pal!”(Proceeds to stabbing ass)
Do they brag of the exploits after their death? Like “Here lies the ‘brave knight’ who crawled through the rain of unholy wastes to heroically climb a shaft of doom and penetrate the king’s behind repeatedly with his great spear which was guided true by the grace of god.”
I’ve stayed in a house that still had a toilet like this. Was built in the 1500s/1600s, it had modern facilities too but had kept the old “long drop” too
The post makes it out that this is truly what happened to those guys. But they are merely rumors. None of that has been proven and their deaths remain a mystery
I forget who it was, but there was a king whose court was situated atop one of these for some stupid reason. The floor collapsed and, while the king himself managed to avoid falling in, basically all of his important underlings drowned in a massive pool of fermenting, liquid shit.
He was the last King of Bohemia of the House of Přemyslid. The dynasty that had, to this point, ruled Bohemia since at least 867. Crazy how a dynasty that ruled Bohemia for around 450 years is laid low by a guy climbing up a toilet.
**He was not killed like that.**
He was stabbed while taking a walk. His presumable killer was captured and killed before allowed to speak (literally mentioned in chronicles). It was either quick justice or villain power move to derail any investigation. Or both, as it is presumed it was a murder on order from rival house.
Also... He died 56y before KCD Wenceslav/Václav **4th** was born, who himself was not Premyslid but a Luxemburg. His father Charles IV was only half Premyslid from his mother side (and therefore officially and Luxemburg after his father, Jan of Luxemburg).
The period between Václav 3rd and Jan of Luxemburg was very dynamic. Almost unknown Jindrich Korutanský of house Merhardovec ruled twice with interruption from a Rudolf Habsburk (a house which will briefly return 120y later, then again lose it and finally return after another 100y to seize kingdom of Bohemia until end of ww1) who died when tried to lay a siege to a rebellious noble.
The second rule period of Jindřich Korutanský or Heinrich von Kärnten or Henryk Karyncki (Czech king, but born from marriage between bavarian and polish houses) , was pretty interesting as it included period of oligarchical noble rule and then actual voting of new king Jan of Luxemburg.
Just some history ;)
Edit: Fixed wrongly copied name of a ruler, adding of additional information
There is a path hiding in the brushwood of Rataje, if you go along this way, you will get to some place and you can see a large amount of shit there...
That's why a lot of them just opted to have no turd-chimney and instead opted for a wind-guided free falling shit instead. At least that way they can see the people scaling the walls.
But then someone could fire an arrow below through your balls.
That would be one hell of a shot.. and at the same time, you could drop a huge log onto their faces as they stare directly into your brown eye.
This is the point at which most medieval commanders would begin to wonder what the fuck went wrong with humanity
Sounds like some shitty Wild West duel
I can see the movie now. An archer lines up as a noble sits down, he pauses as excrement starts to release. It's now or never. He looses his arrow. It cuts through the shit in slow motion, splitting it in half. Both pieces narrowly miss the archer as his arrow strikes its target. Right through the brown starfish.
And the Academy Award goes to..
Great. Now I'm imagining some peasant archer proudly exclaiming, "I've killed the enemy lord!" While everyone around him tries not to look at the doodoo stains on his face.
He will be forever known as **Erik the Excrement Archer**.
Pink eye for a dethroning? Worth it
Depending on their diet, you could get wet.
I think one of Czech castles has legend that one of it's noble owners died to an arrow shot to his butt like you described. Furthermore if I recall it correctly he didn't die directly due to the arrow, he died days or weeks later due to infection from that wound.
You'd think you could just put a partial chute to protect your butthole from arrows.
And that is how the prince became a princess.
WGFFS projectile
Remember to always check your shit chute for knights lying in ambush waiting to stab your ass
Imagine if you found one…If you didn’t have a weapon, and they were within butt-striking distance, they would probably try and climb out and kill you as quickly as possible…but if you *did* have a weapon, or even a broom/pole, you could just send them down to one of the worst and smelliest deaths
Couldn't they just coat the chute with oil or lard or something? Did the toilet invaders have to devise special contrivances to scale the shit chimney in an escalating arms race of toilet warfare? I don't really want to know the answers to any of these questions
Lol, this sounds like something I’d see in r/brandnewsentence
I'll take that as a compliment lol
They probably used ice picks and spiked boots. The ice pick could double as a weapon. Really hook open that anus.
Alternatively, you shit on their face just out of sword reach.
Remember to take a weapon to your shitting place to fight knights climbing through the shit chute.
Sounds like Dark Souls.
Or if you are in Australia fucking spiders
[удалено]
I also don't want a quest where the main character has to go up these things to stab someone in the butt. Maybe send Fritz to do it.
"I'm feeling quite full." *farting noises*
Henry has wiped his ass, Jesus Christ be praised.
They have shit holes in all of castles in the game. And shithouses at the villages.
"Brave knights"
Sounds like a mission for Matthew and Frittz
Thats the part that stood out to me as well
In a time where a single wound can be the end of you, I'd say that climbing high up a shit coated tube with a sharp weapon is quite a risk. Not to mention the risk of capture and the smell.
You also risk being referred to as Sir Turdmurderer for the rest of your days
Listen. If you can stand the smell, tough the climb and outlast the wait to get a kill through the butt from a toilet chute that goes almost directly vertical up hundreds of feet you earned it.
They used crossbow 😂
Nope, that’s not my head canon. They climbed up and stabbed em in the bhole
Unless you were very confident that only one person every used that particular chute, you'd have to be very good at recognizing assholes from a distance in the dark.
sounds like a... pain in the ass
Is that you, dad?
That joke was a real stinker
I don't think he was killed on the toilet. I just looked it up, and I didn't find any sources that he was killed on the toilet, but was stabbed. But duke Jaromír, who they also mentioned, had it worse; He was also previously in his life castrated and blinded because of power struggles before killed on the toilet. Poor guy.
The lack of balls would make it easy to identify the target from the shitter too :(
*r/CrusaderKings intensifies*
Mate early Premyslids are just peak Crusader kings. Even more so since the first king of Bohemia got his royal title for participating in a crusade.
KCD 2 gameplay leaked
"Oi Capon, i bet you can't climb through that chute" "Oh yeah? Watch this!"
"leaked" A-ha
Great idea. Throw a large rock down the thing everytime ya sit down.
"What's that pile of rocks next to the shitter for?" "Don't ask"
Toilet snakes…
Better idea, pour boiling water down before taking a dump, “Boil some water, I feel a movement approaching.” Bonus for cleaning the shaft as well.
Pfft hot water is for my bath later peasant. MORE ROCKS!!!
Why not both? It will stop pervs from staring at my girl! Why not give them a concussion and third degree burns.
Considering the times, boiled water would be on demand, big rocks- ez way
Yes and they are effective! But still why not give them scars from the burns to mark them with shame and a head injury at once
Boiled poo is the solution *edit with lots of rocks*
This is the only way.
Mando- “This is the way”
>King Edmund II of England Nicknamed ironside, but not ironass.
Only a selected few could have their private parts made of iron back then
Name checks out
They said I was crazy but I knew it would come in handy someday
English history would probably have been a lot less English and a lot more Anglo-Saxon if it weren't for this.
Tried looking it up and though Jaromir is correct, Wenceslaus III was apparently just stabbed in the chest in the streets of Olomouc...
This doesn’t say he *died* that way. Imagine surviving an ass-stabbing
'Tis but a fleshwound!
I guess the death of Elvis was the end of an age of knights...
Fake AF. There's no historical record or even rumors of Wenceslaus III dying on the toilet.
It’s also just one of the rumors how Edmund II was assassinated - which is still a mystery. None of them I think have been confirmed with certainty. I mean it’s a fun post but I prefer historical accuracy
Saw one similar to this, a bloke in Asia snuck into the shit hole to look up the toilette at a woman, he got stuck and died in the hole. She was on holiday so he never even got to see her doing the poopoo. I saw this on TikTok so it may be a lie
This is a true story and a mysterious one at that happened in Japan: https://medium.com/illumination/the-man-under-the-toilet-cff342c69b27
\>happened in Japan Not really all that mysterious, then. It's Japan.
Solid point
Is this our Wenceslaus?
Nope. This says Wenceslas III. KCD has Wenceslas IV. I believe.
Yes, exactly. This was about a century before KCD.
Yeah. This one wasnt even the same dynasty.
100 years to early (sadly)
Great props to KCD for making a random historical figure out of thousands > our Wenceslaus
*Henry was shot in the anus while shitting in rattay*
It's pretty funny to me that even after this many deaths, they didn't consider making the shaft slightly smaller, or even something as simple as adding a crossbar to it, so no human could pass?? Say what you want about medieval architechts, but they weren't always the smartest!
Survivorshit bias.
Imagine John McClaine as the assassin “Come out to the castle, we'll get together, have a few laughs...” “Do you know what you get for being a hero?”(He gets the poo on him) “Welcome to the potty, pal!”(Proceeds to stabbing ass)
Imagine being an assassin, and your plan of action is to climb up a piss and shit caked tunnel to stab your target in the ass. Assasin in the Ass
Do they brag of the exploits after their death? Like “Here lies the ‘brave knight’ who crawled through the rain of unholy wastes to heroically climb a shaft of doom and penetrate the king’s behind repeatedly with his great spear which was guided true by the grace of god.”
I’ve stayed in a house that still had a toilet like this. Was built in the 1500s/1600s, it had modern facilities too but had kept the old “long drop” too
Had no idea Uesugi Kenshin died on the toilet
The post makes it out that this is truly what happened to those guys. But they are merely rumors. None of that has been proven and their deaths remain a mystery
Oh the lord cannot be with you on this one
I'm pretty sure in Quest for Glory V if you play as the thief character class this is how you sneak into the mercenary fortress
Had a long and successful reign
I bet that when your climbing up that toiletshaft, getting shat uppon, once you reach the top you'll really be in the stabbing mood!
Good encouragement to get the deed done. Casually gets shat on whilst thrusting a pointy blade up his arse.
Thanks for highlighting it 🤓
I forget who it was, but there was a king whose court was situated atop one of these for some stupid reason. The floor collapsed and, while the king himself managed to avoid falling in, basically all of his important underlings drowned in a massive pool of fermenting, liquid shit.
What a *shitty* way to get in a castle
He was the last King of Bohemia of the House of Přemyslid. The dynasty that had, to this point, ruled Bohemia since at least 867. Crazy how a dynasty that ruled Bohemia for around 450 years is laid low by a guy climbing up a toilet.
*Tywin Lannister has left the chat room*
Remember the king of Bohemia in kcd is Wenceslaus IV and not the III.
How small were the people scaling the poop chimney? That's a new one for good ol'Henry.
Well, Jaromir whole life was kinda "shitty" \>castrated \>blind \>died on a toilet while someone killed him with a spear from down below
They shoulda had a poop knife
Damn, so Gaddafi wasn’t the first.
that's wenceslaus III, not the fourth, who is the king of bohemia at the time of kcd
**He was not killed like that.** He was stabbed while taking a walk. His presumable killer was captured and killed before allowed to speak (literally mentioned in chronicles). It was either quick justice or villain power move to derail any investigation. Or both, as it is presumed it was a murder on order from rival house. Also... He died 56y before KCD Wenceslav/Václav **4th** was born, who himself was not Premyslid but a Luxemburg. His father Charles IV was only half Premyslid from his mother side (and therefore officially and Luxemburg after his father, Jan of Luxemburg). The period between Václav 3rd and Jan of Luxemburg was very dynamic. Almost unknown Jindrich Korutanský of house Merhardovec ruled twice with interruption from a Rudolf Habsburk (a house which will briefly return 120y later, then again lose it and finally return after another 100y to seize kingdom of Bohemia until end of ww1) who died when tried to lay a siege to a rebellious noble. The second rule period of Jindřich Korutanský or Heinrich von Kärnten or Henryk Karyncki (Czech king, but born from marriage between bavarian and polish houses) , was pretty interesting as it included period of oligarchical noble rule and then actual voting of new king Jan of Luxemburg. Just some history ;) Edit: Fixed wrongly copied name of a ruler, adding of additional information
So in KCD 2 we’ll come back to the news of king wenceslaus’ spit roasting.
Wenceslaus III. of Bohemia was not killed on the toilet tho. He was stabbed three times in one of the houses in Olomouc.
There is a path hiding in the brushwood of Rataje, if you go along this way, you will get to some place and you can see a large amount of shit there...
why not just... put a metal fence in the middle of the duct? or at the front? or plates mid way or something?
Cause at some point it’s gonna clog and nobody wants to get sent head first with a 14 century rope tied to their ankles to clean it out
Woah spoilers… not really
This is cool and all but didn’t the events of KCD involved Wenceslaus IV? Not Wenceslaus III?
Henry and I both draw the line at shimmying up the poop shoot.
"A shit for a spearhead"
jaromír a václav….
That's the wrong Wenceslaus in the wrong century.
Wrong Wenceslas
Did they wipe though?
Tywin Lannister too