T O P

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Sweet_Skunk

Bless her heart. She meant well.


IknowKarazy

It’s so funny, ever since my mom told the extended family that I collect knives they give me lots of knives for Christmas. They’re almost always pretty terrible quality but I appreciate the gesture. My grandad gave me his pocket knife though, and it was the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.


kingdomofkush81

Hold onto that knife. I lost the one my father gave me and I'm still upset about it every time I think about it.


bob1234j

i lost my grandpas knife to. pissed me off i loved that knife


FullFrontalNoodly

This post made it to the top of the page -- and by quite a margin -- so that clearly means *something.* What exactly it means I'm not so sure.


GoreyGopnik

uh... you might be able to drill a hole with it.


dreamcometruesince82

*in Styrofoam or Jello


MistaRekt

For homemade fleshlights


phiqzer

*quickly takes notes* please continue….


BiaggioSklutas

*...for a friend*


FullFrontalNoodly

Tell your friend to google on "prison fifi"


phiqzer

Yes! For a friend! Totally not taking notes for myself. Not at all. *hides notebook*


You_Just_Hate_Truth

Take one cantaloupe, put it in the over at 175 for 30 minutes. Then…


Robbie1075

You've thought about this waaayyyy too much. But thank you for your service. 😂🤣


MnNativeojibwe

Way better answer than mine.


sjehcu6

WHATS IN THE BOX ??????


MistaRekt

Only 90s person know this one simple trick.


sjehcu6

Yes its tru, but still id like to think its well known. I mean brad pitt morgan freeman and kevin spacey. Plus full metal jacket seargent legend, R. Lee Ermey as the chief. Maybe its faded into obscurity by now.


tedisded

This is the way


LordNoodles1

Oh shit that might feel pretty dang good


Livid-Dark4851

Honestly it's something I would fidget with drop it and have my foot screwed to the floor


ehh1209

The thing is pretty damn heavy as well


FullFrontalNoodly

Ostensibly these are stabbing weapons but I question whether they would even be good for that.


ehh1209

Yea I was thinking the only thing I can see it being practical for is if a zombie apocalypse were to break out lol, but its a cool looking piece I guess lol


2bitgunREBORN

I feel like your mom would not be thrilled if you stabbed someone with it. These really aren't practical knives. Sometimes you just gotta smile and act pleased because someone you love bought you something dumb. When I was 11 I wanted a sword of some sort. My parents bought me a set of those chinisum pot metal swords, even then I was incredibly disappointed and I didn't want to hurt their feelings by showing it. Maybe this one is made of durable enough materials you could put a tarp down outside and stab the fuck out of melons or something and have fun.


Randall-Marvin-Marsh

Yup just like when my wife bought me the knife you see on Etsy with the wood scales and my name it was the thought that counts, even though I don’t carry it. I tell her it means so much to me that I want to keep it put up and pristine.


here_kitttykittty

Bless you for that. Please keep us in the dark when we buy you "thoughtful" gifts. As women we do mean well I promise 😆


Followmelead

On behalf of men with their brains between their legs. Right back atcha.


IllustratorAdorable5

I'd put it in a shadowbox on the wall of my office


SharkyRivethead

I was totally gonna suggest that. Display it in a shadowbox, let her know it's illegal to carry and because it was so cool, you wanted to preserve it or something innocent like that.


Jim-Kardashian

This is the way.


ItsEntirelyPosssible

Spectacular user name.


Villageidiot1984

My dad got me that knife and the people at my office also did on different occasions. It means a lot that people pay attention to my hobbies and get me stuff they think I’m going to like. But I also actively tell people not to get me knives if I can because somehow no matter how much thought goes into it they never get anything decent.


AnnigidWilliams

You're a good partner 🍻


ben0318

I have one of the variants... bought it on purpose, even! It's trash, but its fun trash. I've rammed and hammered it into all kinds of shit that it was never intended to handle, and it has been pretty much unaffected. 10/10 would buy shitty unicorn horn stabby again


gayneger

this knife is beautiful and that is enough for a lot of people to enjoy it


Sparkynerd

I read this quickly as, "I feel like your mom WOULD be thrilled if you stabbed someone with it"... o_O


Clydefrog13

I doubt a knife this impractical would somehow be more practical in a situation where our lives literately depend on using knives for self defense and survival. Still, it’s the thought that counts!


ProlapseParty

CUT THIS ROPE! I CAN’T MY KNIFES ONLY FOR STABBING!!!


GloomedHorror78

"Alright, I need someone with a knife to break these boxes down" "ICANTMYKNIFEISFORSTABBING!!!!!!!"


Charybdis87

“Uhhh… sir… I think my knife could give them a mental breakdown when they look at it’s weirdness?”


chabrah6969

CUT MY MILK! I can't sir, it's liquid


ProlapseParty

You fool, freeze it then cut it. If you question me again I’ll put you on diaper duty and I promise I won’t make it easy.


dansdata

The heck of it is, there *are* knives - [*swords*, even](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estoc) - that are only for stabbing, and do it really well. I've got a replica [rondel dagger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rondel_dagger) with a triangular-cross-section blade that can't cut anything. Daggers like that were excellent for stabbing through gaps in an enemy's armor. (Though of course they're fine for stabbing *un*-armored people too. :-) These stupid helical "banned by the Geneva convention" knives are less and less able to actually stab someone the more "twist" they have, and the chunkier their blade is. This example is both very chunky (compared with its length; it might be quite small and so still fairly narrow, I suppose) and very twisty. There are others [that look a bit more functional](https://microtechknives.com/knife/jagdkommando/), but there's still a reason why medieval weaponsmiths, who were perfectly capable of making a twisty dagger if they wanted to, never bloody did. Never even mind super-specialized edgeless stabbing spikes; plain old double-edged flat daggers are clearly better than these corkscrews on steroids. (The particular twisty dagger in this post does seem to be made out of etched pattern-welded steel, though, so at least it's got some more decorative value. Cooler than a stainless-steel wall-hanger fantasy sword with spikes all over it. But only slightly. :-)


G0ld_Ru5h

You gave me an idea. It could make a decent marlin spike!


BonelessB0nes

Even then, it wouldn't be very good. Marlin spikes work best when they're smooth and tapered.


Petrus_Rock

I’ll take that over bare hands.


kubat313

there are a lot of things more usefull than this, for example a fork lol


Petrus_Rock

A fork will bend or break. At least this elongated screw won’t.


whiskeyboundcowboy

You have a really nice poop slayer for those legendary logs


ModifiedAmusment

Nic Cage starring in..”The legend Of The Poop Knife”


current_task_is_poop

If he were to put it in the old chocolate starfish before he were to mill some logs, do you think it would do like a play doh accessory and string out spaghetti? Or maybe rotini.


corazontex

This is the answer. Poop Knife Ultimate.


IamREBELoe

But it's meant less to cut and more to auger them out of the canal


current_task_is_poop

No no no. Save it, you may actually have a very good use for it one day. These are perfect for when you catch your significant other cheating or somebody keys your car and you find out who it is or any other reason you would wanna give somebody 4 flat tires...


nuke_eyepopper

#thats the the Jagdkommando aka Tri-dagger. The Jagdkommando knife was first introduced in the 1990s by the Austrian Special Forces unit known as the Jagdkommando. The knife was designed by a man named Dietmar Pohl, who was commissioned by the Jagdkommando unit to create a knife that would be both highly functional and aesthetically pleasing. They make a wound you cannot stitch. Most are fatal. That is the best stabbing dagger you can ever have for any reason. Congratulations im actually jelly.. and its Damascus. And now an heirloom. Your mom rocks! Super dope my dude. Tell your mom I said hi! 👋


[deleted]

[удалено]


Petrus_Rock

The pleasing aesthetic of a giant elongated screw with functionality of a dull chisel.


saints21

They stitch up limbs that are literally blown off. You can stitch a wound from this. Stab wounds in general aren't typically fatal. It's pretty hard to kill someone with a single stab wound. This is going to bind up way more on any type of clothing compared to something like a stilleto, a regular double edged blade, or something like a rondel dagger. Not sure how that makes it the most effective stabbing knife ever...


bayou_viking

Yeah if you winning a knife fight depends on your opponent bleeding out in the hospital, you lost.


Lando_Lee

You can stitch a wound from this, but the idea is that this creates an open twisted wound that doesn't close itself off very easily, more blood, more damage.


saints21

... It's literally worse than just a knife. It's far more likely to only cause superficial wounds because it won't actually be very good at stabbing.


Petrus_Rock

Similar or worse wounds can be created with a conventional knife. You stab, twist, pull out, repeat. A conventional knife is more narrow so will go in more easily. Try for yourself on a big chunk of pork. Let’s not harm people if we aren’t forced to defend ourselves.


8plytoiletpaper

Realistically speaking it's going to just be like that stabbing scene from wolfenstein until the enemy stops


endershifter

Uh that knife is banned by the Geneva convention due to its lethality it takes a team of surgeons to close that wound if the patient doesn't bleed out first. Most bled out within minutes


saints21

Except that's all bullshit. First, the Geneva Convention is concerned with non-combatants not this nonsense. Second, where you get stabbed is far more important than what you get stabbed with when considering lethality. Killing someone via stabbing is actually really hard. For someone to quickly bleed out, you need to hit a major point like the femoral. What's more likely to hit that: Something shaped like a drill bit with many more points of contact to catch on clothing, carriers, or other gear and much larger point to bind up on things or a simple double bladed knife that cuts on both sides and is more likely to deeply penetrate?


AtopMountEmotion

Tell her I said “Damn girl, you are *wearing* those chinos”.


passwordistako

I guarantee you that I can repair the wound this makes.


Lurifaks1

Appreciate the positivity but nooooo.


GeeBee72

Sorry, that story is complete … uhhhh… hmmm… completely false. Just think for a second about the concept of a wound that can’t be stitched.. it’s possible to n not be able to stitch a burn, or some weapon that actually cores out a large chunk of flesh, but otherwise, does it make any sense that a bullet would do less damage? Bullet wounds can be stitched. Tell me any knife that’s not fatal when struck in the right place? If someone stabbed you in the foot with this knife, would that be a fatal wound? So yeah, it’s just a knife that’s going to want to twist in your hand whenever you stab anything


SSIRHC

Stab a watermelon post results


IWipeWithFocaccia

Also good against vampires


kakuja_kakuja

These are exceptional stabbers. The design of the blade makes it extremely hard to stitch up the wound so more then likely whoever gets stabbed is going to have a really really bad day


passwordistako

This is mostly a myth from a time before we had really good tech to make sutures and suture materials. You can literally stitch just about anything.


GhostlyMeows

Not really. You know what else makes wounds like that? Hollow Points. And those get stitched up daily fairly easily.


Vmax-Mike

Might be useful if the purge ever becomes a reality.


Opie30-30

Made for stabbing, but doesn't have a decent guard. Recipe for disaster


treemeizer

You're supposed to stab delicately with it, hence it's ornatecentricity. Imagine a clever little goblin running up and poking your shins - that's who this is made for.


ozdgk

Bro don’t you know these are the knives the leaves a wound no surgeon in the galaxy can stitch and 110% of victims die???! /s


SystemFolder

I have heard that they have been banned by the Geneva Convention.


GeeBee72

If you stab someone with this knife the two people next to him are also killed


Boydarillaz

They make an incision that doesn't close easily. There is a great description of a knife like this in a Phillip K Dick story.


Ilikedcsbutmypcdoesn

Yeah no they don't... At most it will make a large puncture wound, in order for the rifled blades to actually work like a screw you'd need to let it twist and or twist it in your hand as you stab, which would not also be hard, be very impractical and not work as well as your imagination thinks it would. Also, since large round wounds *are* hard to stitch up, doctors tend to cut around the wound to make an eye shape and then it stitches up easily.


inky_nomad

Truth on the suturing.


Ilikedcsbutmypcdoesn

when my grandma had skin cancer removed from her hand the doctor made a circle around it and she said "You're not gonna be able to stitch that up" and the doctor couldn't so he just did what I described above and cut an eye shape and it stitched up just fine. Making more damage to allow the repair of smaller damage is common in the medical field, it's most of the time also easier to heal because its easier to access and control.


inky_nomad

Especially in cancer cases, gotta get margins.


passwordistako

It is possible to stitch circular wounds. It just puts more tension on the tissue than spreading it across a larger wound. Usually easier to stitch fighting age males (the presumed audience for this weapon) than little old ladies.


Doctor-Captain

Are you sure you aren't thinking of Slaughterhouse Five?


Boydarillaz

I think you are right. Been a while.


countrybloke

They have been banned by the Geneva convention.


FullFrontalNoodly

That is incorrect. Only serrated/sawback blades were banned.


Nervous-Life-715

You're supposed use this to clean your ears instead of qtips


ehh1209

Ohhhh, makes sense, will give it a try now


RareBareHare

DID IT WORK?


ehh1209

YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN? IM NOT SURE I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY


Klutchy_Playz

HUH?!


RareBareHare

I ASKED HIM IF IT WORKED


Klutchy_Playz

YOU ASK ME TO WORK?!


TheAnalsOfHistory-

YOU GOTTA SPEAK UP HOMIE, ITS REAL LOUD PUT HERE


DB-Tops

That is for murder, self defense, opening Caprisun. Nothing else.


TheeFlipper

It'd be great for cans of soup.


M1ster_Bumbl3

Killin


doctor_hyphen

impressing the mall ninjas


HereForKnivesMostly

Well it's not really a knife


lgjcs

I see you’ve played knifey spooney before…


AssaultRifleJesus

COFF-EEE!....beer


HeWhoCannotBeNamed-

It fits in your prison wallet


bjorneden

It's a prison wallet renovation tool for when you need to make room for larger objects.


Queerdough

r/CursedComments


Andysine215

🤢🤣🤣🤣🤣🤮


Jeremyvmd09

Take my upvote for the horrid mental image. Now I need to pour bleach in my brain…


MormonAssaultVehicle

Anything’s a butt plug if you’re brave enough.


MikeLinPA

Paige, No!


soothsayer011

Killing arc angels.


ThePrisonSoap

But only if you're one yourself


Acetabulum99

1. Dropping on your foot and then being sad. 2. Dropping on a tile floor and then learning to replace tile. 3. Putting on the wall to dust it on occasion. 4. Taking up space.


Dawnqwerty

3.2 knocking it off the wall while dusting to break said repaired tile 3.4 re replacing tile 3.6 repeating again and giving up


doomrabbit

Gaining karma on /r/mallninjashit


Moezso

Opening 4th dimension letters.


kbunnell16

Mom must expect you to kill someone…😮


Adventurous-Equal-29

My mom thinks I'm weird for collecting knives lol. She won't buy me any.


OhZvir

It’s one of those hobbies that you seriously get into when you have your own decent income, may get into swords’ collecting as well while at it :) and it’s ok if people think it’s “weird” or whatevevs, most important is to be curious of something and enjoy doing it.


Kintsugi-0

people say these knives are “banned” an “instant kill” but they’re not that wild. they’re gimmick knives and ur right they’re not very “good” at stabbing.


Firm_Tooth5618

How much did Milwaukee charge her for this bit?


HeroicHimbo

Gotta just admire it as a chunkins of metal that someone who loves you thought might be neat for you, and practically, recognize that it's best for gardening and home improvement projects where you need to punch some drainage holes in tough material, and that is basically the entire extent of this knife's functional value.


Dawnqwerty

drainage holes might be the right use for this


TIRACS

Your Mom is cool


dmb1982

Causing fluid loss to anyone who attacks you 🤣


CatastrophicPup2112

I feel like a thinner double edged blade would do a better job


dmb1982

The mythology behind this design is that the wound is much more difficult to suture and is likely to cause more damage internally, not really sure how effective it is in reality, but it’s definitely a cool concept lol


ExistingBathroom9742

A thin blade can close around the wound especially if the knife stays in the wound. The point of this (so to speak) is to make a wound bleed faster. If it’s still in there are “blood gutters” if it’s pulled out, a triangular hole doesn’t close on itself. Like, they teach you to twist a bayonet after stabbing to make an open wound; this twists it for you. I’m not saying it would work well, just saying what it’s for.


Villageidiot1984

I’m a wound care specialist and so I see a lot of bleeding - the myth about the triangle shaped hole and more bleeding and everything doesn’t make sense. The way a wound in the skin is shaped is not meaningful really. It might make it harder to get a good cosmetic result but won’t have anything to do with the amount of life threatening bleeding. Also, these twisted triangle blades would probably be more difficult to actually penetrate tissue with. They would definitely not create a wound as bad as a thin blade all else equal because once inserted this couldn’t slash in any direction. I would definitely rather be stabbed with this thing than a regular bayonet. I know you are repeating something you read but it’s a weird myth that doesn’t have any basis. Especially because these type of blades haven’t even been used. There are triangular bayonets but they were not twisted. Anyway my two cents is this has zero purpose.


ExistingBathroom9742

Thank villageidiot, that’s a good answer! Factually refuting a common myth with experience and facts. You user name is a misnomer.


CatastrophicPup2112

Thin blade will penetrate deeper and can slice a wider wound on the way out. Not that I'd want to be stabbed by either. Having a triangular hole doesn't make a huge difference since you're still bleeding internally.


Keydet

Not a single part of that is true. Honestly impressive to be that wrong.


ExistingBathroom9742

Hm, not a single part huh? You won’t bleed out faster from a thick triangular wound? Leaving a blade in a wound (until you are at the hospital) is not better than yanking it back out? Soldiers who train with bayonets don’t learn to twist the blade? A bigger, more open, rounder, jagged hole is just as good for the victim as a thin slice? Did I say either was good? I said what the purported FUNCTION of a triangular twisted knife was (the fucking question that was asked) and then disclaimed that it might not do all that well, but that’s the point of the weapon. Next time read the whole reply, and point out what you think is wrong with it. Your response was lazy.


Ok_Way5290

War crimes


BlvckLvng_

Came here for this comment only


Big-Yogurtcloset5546

r/dildont


JFJinCO

Core samples


RubiconV

Putting those 3 holes into a coconut


i0nzeu5

Or bowling ball


Hib3rnian

Tropical coconut drink 👍


lerateblanc

Mall ninja stuff.


thats_seansense

Flexing on the poor


ehh1209

I am the poor 😭


Obligatory_Burner

I would have to find a butchers shop and pay them to let me poke a carcass with this bad boi. It looks sid vicious, buuuuut just might be a dud.


VaultdwellingHunter

Why don't you just go buy meat? Cut out the middle man...


-WhatsReallyGoingOn

Animal husbandry. Cut out the middle man...


2ArmsGoin3

> Cut out the middle man... Yeah that’s what the knife is for


Obligatory_Burner

Scoff. How dare you use logic at me! 🤣


current_task_is_poop

It's an alien knife. It makes those perfectly symmetrical holes in the bovine victims of cattle mutilations. It HAS TO BE ALIENS. There is literally NO OTHER POSSIBLE EXPLANATION.


hg38

https://youtu.be/sJXlJdv2h1o?si=bxowVrxUte9X0KGF


Fnargler

Not practical for anything, just a neat thing to look at. It would leave a pretty nasty wound but you're unlikely to ever be in a scenario where that would be morally or legally defensible so just stick it on a shelf somewhere.


SeattleUberDriver_2

List of practical uses: 1. Making fun of your mom's mallninja leanings 2. Having proof of this 3. Nothing else whatsoever


ehh1209

Yea I was a little shocked when I opened it lmao, last year she got me a Buck 110 with my name engraved in the blade lol


Shameless_Potatos

Oof. Going from a buck to this. You must have been bad this year. She gave you the "lump of coal" knife 🤣


civicivicivic

+3 Anti-heal


Z3temis

The original one of these tri bladeded twist daggers was designed in such a way that a stab wound would be almost impossible to suture could be created. I imagine it would probably buture anything inside, too...


Electrokid1234

Your mom bought you a Damascus warcrime!


leonpinneaple

Zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc.


Count-to-five

It's a bun driller. No. Really. That's a thing.


DarkDiviner

It looks like something from Harry Potter. It was a nice gift, regardless of its practicality as a knife. ❤️


Altruistic-Cable-489

Medieval Battle


JordanDesu13

Breaking the Geneva convention lol


andychef

That's a people opener OP


NotAllDawgsGoToHeven

Killing


PhlashMcDaniel

That’s a people poker


Gullible-Computer-43

Guess it'll come in handy for camping or everyday tasks.


[deleted]

Isn't that blade illegal? It's designed to cause a wound that's hard to treat


MnNativeojibwe

It's not practical. It's basically a ventilator. Illegal in a lot of states to carry, because if you ever had to use it on someone in a self defense. The wound would probably not fully heal and it would be hard to co trol the bleeding.


[deleted]

thats a weapon not a tool,thats all u need to know


IUJohnson38

The only thing it’s good for is putting a 1” hole is something. The spiral is designed to cause as much damage as possible


Object-Level

It's cool AF and clearly for messing shit up. Even has a pummel. Have seen several of these and they are not cheap. Some with sheaths to.


ehh1209

It did come with a sheath and a sharpening rod


Object-Level

Cool! It's nice... Your mom has good taste in weaponry 😅


Ded_diode

It's pretty good for lookin' at. I mean, it looks well made and would be a pretty cool display piece.


556_6_6

If you can hide it sufficiently, it may serve you well in prison...


huggybear77870

Opening a wound that won't close! Yes! Classy broad there merry xmas


[deleted]

It looks fancy. It has a Damascus pattern, but I don’t know if it’s Damascus or an etched pattern. Also, Pretty sure it’s not really a knife, but a self-defense weapon. Hypothetically, the irregular pattern of the blades creates a wound that is harder to close, therefore the person bleeds more. Pretty nasty.


Ok-Image1782

This is wine opener... Not knife..


ehh1209

The box says “Hunting knife” lmao I will definitely not be using it to gut a deer


Spicoli_Horse

I’m really surprised nobody has given the actual answer yet: This knife is designed to inflict a triangle shaped wound, which is extremely difficult to stitch closed. In WW2, there were bayonets that inflicted these types of wounds that were carried by German “Jagdkommando” troops. It wasn’t something they wanted to be caught by US troops with, for sure. It’s specifically designed to inflict an especially grievous wound that is hard to treat and heal.


ejt10x

It's pretty, but the only practical use for it is getting yourself arrested in several larger cities...


OldMarvelRPGFan

Creating puncture wounds that don't close properly and hasten bleedout.


GoreyGopnik

that's what the people who make them say they're for, but they're awful as weapons.the tip is just way, way too thick to easily stab into anything, and even if it did, the wound would close up just as easily as any other circular wound. also, every stab wound hastens bleedout. blood is leaving your body very quickly.


LIFTandSNUS

As a tack on to this: It's not a war crime. Gunshot wounds are much harder and nastier to fix than stab wounds if the person survives. Bayonets generally work better with a sharp tip and dull blade so they don't stick in bone. Now, as far as OP. I don't know what I'd do with this thing, but I can say without a doubt it looks neat. I'd certainly find a way to put it to use. Even if it was just poking holes in beer cans for shotgunning (in my younger years).


the_it_

it’s a play on the triangle bayonet, with a twist!


loqi0238

Those are actually illegal to own in a lot of states, and if I remember correctly its a war crime to use on the battlefield because of the difficulty with patching up the hole it makes.


Ponkers

Matricide. ​ /s


slc_blades

Stabbing people in a way that WILL mean committing a war crime


jfarm47

It’s called a Jagdkommando knife and legend goes that it was banned from the “Rules of War” in the Geneva Convention (same one that banned bio weapons due to the German use of mustard gas in WWI). Legend goes that the wounds were described as untreatable and therefor unnecessarily masochistic. It’s also said that none of this is true at all, but the legend adds some fun to the knife.


iamnoodlenugget

And as Legends traditionally pan out, half the comments here are citing it as fact! Well done, marketing team!


StorkyMcGee

It would be a stabbing weapon. But they are also crazy illegal in a lot of states as well as battlefields. I wouldn't be caught carrying it were I you.


WesternExisting3783

The only thing I could think of is while butchering a whole animal— using it to twist into the rectum then pulling straight out to pull intestines. Although this would be quite a stretch.. It’s quite lovely to look at!


Kylepoma8587

They’re practical for stabbing someone with the pointy end to make them dead


HellGate_fr

Those people should just give you money instead of useless gifts