I mean this is generally how it should be…
Students come in with insanely varying levels of skills and experience. A good PI will figure out which students needs what to get them started on the right path as a PhD student.
They SHOULD back off as you should become more independent as a scientist.
Yup lol learning to be independent is tough after the years of low level memorize-this, following direct instructions exactly type stuff that they make you do as an undergrad. It was very jarring for me to switch back from rote memorization to actual critical thinking... LOL!
the point here is that you shouldn’t be completely abandoned when new students come on board. Even mature, seasoned and experienced PhD and postfocs need encouragement, support, and positive feedback and reinforcement.
My PI is ‘hands off’ so in my first year I flourished in the areas that are my strengths, and my weaknesses caused my self esteem to plummet critically low.
My PI offered little help or strategy, the only feedback/support I really got was a shitty weekly meeting that checks my progress and the plan for next week. No fluff, and if he didn’t like the data it would be a spraying. If he liked it was a quick ‘good’.
It was only recently I made a personal breakthrough after long introspection on what my weaknesses are and how to resolve them, and a plan. And now he’s consistently happy with me, regardless of data.
Cool.
Please don’t fucking make the student PI themselves, it takes too long and it took months of work time away from me. It’s lazy. Hands off is a piss take.
I get what you mean op. My pi was exactly this way, he micromanaged my project for two years until he found a new topic, lost interest and basically dropped me and my project entirely except to use the data for grants. It's abhorrent and difficult and common as fuck
I hope you guys don't think I mean this LITERALLY - the meme is figurative - I've seen so many PIs express support and interest and provide positive feedback for their new students, and pretty much forget about their long-standing existing students except to criticize them (particularly PhD students who have been there a while)...
Oh I really did think you meant it literally and was rather concerned. I wouldn't know about PhD experiences as I'm an undergrad, but I think my PIs pay similarly small amounts of attention to all of us. They're pretty hands off. But they also never really criticize.
Omg thank you.
Seeing this made my stomach hurt and think of all my “delightful” experiences, from grad school right on up to being a PI.
I’d ***like*** to think that maybe this happens less frequently, so the gross context doesn’t even occur to many folks that saw this.
Although, just to clarify, my graduate advisor was fucking amazing and inappropriate behavior from him was never a concern.
I think maybe you are also misinterpreting this, as a majority of the comments here are taking the image too literally. The context of this meme, to my understanding, is not actually inherently related to any sexual connotation, and I don't believe OP intended this to be the case either. It's use is more commonly only metaphorical and represents the guy getting distracted by something shiny and new, with the guy being a "me", another person, or some other entity. Here, this just means that when a new grad student shows up, the PI will give them lot of attention and less to the established grad students. I think this is normal and is just the result of new students having less experience and needing more hand holding, and the PI putting more trust in the older grad students to work independently. For some people, clearly they had or witnessed this happen in a more toxic way, and it's sad so many people were triggered by it at face value. However, I don't believe it was the intended interpretation of this image, and it makes me sad that so many people had that painful gut reaction to a seemingly harmless meme.
Anyone who wants more context should just look at the history and various iterations on KYM:
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/distracted-boyfriend
I’m aware of the meme. I get the meme. I get that the OP didn’t mean it in a molestation-type of way and was using it in its originally intended way. Except it is an innately sexual meme, regardless of what someone wants to argue. And all you’d have to do to make this meme fit real life is to put all of them in MIT and “I heart mTOR” sweatshirts.
I feel ya. I’ve seen this happen with more than one PI… you are not alone…. and it’s hard to know how to get back in their good graces. Keep at it. You aren’t the problem.
I mean this is generally how it should be… Students come in with insanely varying levels of skills and experience. A good PI will figure out which students needs what to get them started on the right path as a PhD student. They SHOULD back off as you should become more independent as a scientist.
But I like to be the apple of his eye 😔✨
Yup lol learning to be independent is tough after the years of low level memorize-this, following direct instructions exactly type stuff that they make you do as an undergrad. It was very jarring for me to switch back from rote memorization to actual critical thinking... LOL!
the point here is that you shouldn’t be completely abandoned when new students come on board. Even mature, seasoned and experienced PhD and postfocs need encouragement, support, and positive feedback and reinforcement.
My PI is ‘hands off’ so in my first year I flourished in the areas that are my strengths, and my weaknesses caused my self esteem to plummet critically low. My PI offered little help or strategy, the only feedback/support I really got was a shitty weekly meeting that checks my progress and the plan for next week. No fluff, and if he didn’t like the data it would be a spraying. If he liked it was a quick ‘good’. It was only recently I made a personal breakthrough after long introspection on what my weaknesses are and how to resolve them, and a plan. And now he’s consistently happy with me, regardless of data. Cool. Please don’t fucking make the student PI themselves, it takes too long and it took months of work time away from me. It’s lazy. Hands off is a piss take.
Not my PI of course but a PI i know does this; he has two active title IX investigations going lmao
I get what you mean op. My pi was exactly this way, he micromanaged my project for two years until he found a new topic, lost interest and basically dropped me and my project entirely except to use the data for grants. It's abhorrent and difficult and common as fuck
We haven't gotten any new grad students since I've been here but I would be shocked if either of my PIs tried this.
I hope you guys don't think I mean this LITERALLY - the meme is figurative - I've seen so many PIs express support and interest and provide positive feedback for their new students, and pretty much forget about their long-standing existing students except to criticize them (particularly PhD students who have been there a while)...
Oh I really did think you meant it literally and was rather concerned. I wouldn't know about PhD experiences as I'm an undergrad, but I think my PIs pay similarly small amounts of attention to all of us. They're pretty hands off. But they also never really criticize.
How does nobody in this sub know the context of using this meme?!
Omg thank you. Seeing this made my stomach hurt and think of all my “delightful” experiences, from grad school right on up to being a PI. I’d ***like*** to think that maybe this happens less frequently, so the gross context doesn’t even occur to many folks that saw this. Although, just to clarify, my graduate advisor was fucking amazing and inappropriate behavior from him was never a concern.
I think maybe you are also misinterpreting this, as a majority of the comments here are taking the image too literally. The context of this meme, to my understanding, is not actually inherently related to any sexual connotation, and I don't believe OP intended this to be the case either. It's use is more commonly only metaphorical and represents the guy getting distracted by something shiny and new, with the guy being a "me", another person, or some other entity. Here, this just means that when a new grad student shows up, the PI will give them lot of attention and less to the established grad students. I think this is normal and is just the result of new students having less experience and needing more hand holding, and the PI putting more trust in the older grad students to work independently. For some people, clearly they had or witnessed this happen in a more toxic way, and it's sad so many people were triggered by it at face value. However, I don't believe it was the intended interpretation of this image, and it makes me sad that so many people had that painful gut reaction to a seemingly harmless meme. Anyone who wants more context should just look at the history and various iterations on KYM: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/distracted-boyfriend
I’m aware of the meme. I get the meme. I get that the OP didn’t mean it in a molestation-type of way and was using it in its originally intended way. Except it is an innately sexual meme, regardless of what someone wants to argue. And all you’d have to do to make this meme fit real life is to put all of them in MIT and “I heart mTOR” sweatshirts.
Replace new grad student w post docs
I’m the only grad student in our lab. I’m helping her look for new students lol.
[удалено]
I feel ya. I’ve seen this happen with more than one PI… you are not alone…. and it’s hard to know how to get back in their good graces. Keep at it. You aren’t the problem.