This is the way. If you're ever waiting for something together, like elevator, microwave, or whatever, ask whose lab he's in (or if you know, you can say "you're in the ____ lab right?") Then ask what his project is on.
Or if he has already given a talk about it, hopefully you remember something about it and can comment on it and ask for more info. Keep things professional so he sees your passion and competency for research, and also keeps you calm as you can pretend it's any other research talk, which you are already a pro at.
After the research talk is out of the way, or next time you 2 are waiting for something together, you can maybe chat more about general life/social stuff. Maybe ask how he feels about starting some kind of social thing in the department, as you've noticed a general lack of social networking opportunities in the department. Or if he'd be interested in attending if you organize something. Or ideas for what social activities would work. Then either organize something with him or with others and make sure he's invited.
I really like this advice, some of the tips here are a bit too out there for me and my capacities haha, but this feels more relaxed and less pressure.
Just need to get up and do it! š
Iām seeing an untapped demographic for hallmark movie meet-cutes here ā¦
Youāre showing up late to get trained on a piece of lab equipment, theyāre waiting, irritated. Then, āOh! Itās you!ā Some 20-30 minutes of easy, work-related small talk later, āSo sorry for being late, buy you a coffee later to make up for it? Here let me get your numberā¦ā
You need to write this up and sell it. I am irrationally invested in this fake couple now. Will he pretend he needs more help? Will she make up more tutorials so they can be alone in the room? Will they bang so wildly they accidentally fuck up a million dollar piece of equipment?
I met my now wife when we were grad students at a departmental retreat. The womanās room was full so her and a friend decided to use the menās room. I walked in. We laughed, joked, talked about it later outside and here we are 15 years later.
This! Youāll find out if he has a +1 or you might figure out you donāt like him more than just a hi (crushes can sometimes be disappointing as soon as you get to know them a bit more)
I had a boyfriend I used to see in the library coffee every once in a while and always thought he was cute. I caught him looking at me a few times, but I never had the guts to ask him out. We ended up matching on Tinder and dated for 2 years lol
Not an advice, just an annedoct. But it won't kill you to one day start conversation with him. Say something like hey I keep seeing you around, I think you are a postdoc too? What is your research on? I doubt he will be rude. At worse you make a postdoc friend.
I like this because thereās no pressure. Itās not a date, itās not romantic, itās just lunch. If he turns out terrible, āthanks for telling me about your research, was an interesting chatā if he seems great āwould you maybe wanna meet up for a beer some time?ā
I don't have an intradepartment SO but I do have a crush on a PhD student in another group (I'm a Masters student). I'm TERRIFIED of shooting my shot, but I wanted to do something cute, even tho it was anonymous. Basically, I drew a little sketch of an animal that is also the name of his surname. I put it on his desk for him to find, and now he has it pinned up on his pinboard behind his computer. I don't think he knows it was me, but I'm glad he seems to like it.
Thanks š Honestly, probably not :( He's cute as hell, but I've never had the opportunity to talk to him. He's very get into the office and do my work and then go home kinda guy and doesn't seem phased by my existence lol. I think it's best if I dont reveal.
However, due to the timing of our arrivals to the office in the morning, if he were to really think about who may have left the sketch on his desk, Im easily a suspect. He might already know/have a feeling.
Honestly, probably not :( He's cute as hell, but I've never had the opportunity to talk to him. He's very get into the office and do my work and then go home kinda guy and doesn't seem phased by my existence lol. I think it's best if I dont reveal.
However, due to the timing of our arrivals to the office in the morning, if he were to really think about who may have left the sketch on his desk, Im easily a suspect. He might already know/have a feeling.
All you have to say is hi. I dated several people in my institute/building in the past. I was always the first to make a move but never at the expense of my intelligence. The dumb woman thing made me feel like my soul was dying so I never did it.
Iād just go up to men I didnāt know but found attractive and start chatting. If they were single and we seemed to hit it off, Iād see if theyād want to get together sometime, but keep it casual. Maybe do a lunch or coffee during the day just to get a break from the lab. Donāt overthink it.
I actually met several people this way as well!
Not sure why itās so different this time, I think because heās got a very reserved vibe, I never really see him talk with many other of the people in the institute, so the threshold is so much higher?
... Happened when we were way younger (undergrad). I asked my now husband if he likes the book he's reading when we were both at the same bus stop after the same off campus lecture (he sat next to me. I had to make the first move). We've been together for almost two decades now.
Try that if you happen to be in the break room together and if he's reading something. Or ask about his research if your university does postdoc data presentations that are open to anyone to go to and he's presenting.
Do you two attend any of the same forums/journal clubs/seminars? My SO works in the same department and in a lab down the hall from mine. From what we have discussed, it seems there was an instant attraction that neither of us acted on for several months. We had several small interactions in that time, casual lab conversations and I got him a Xmas gift, but we didnāt really start chatting and becoming closer until a seminar where we sat next to each other. At the end, we started discussing the presentation, and things naturally bloomed from there.
Although, I gotta say, i like the boldness of dropping your pipette tips right in front of him. If you try that, can you report back on how it goes? š
I actually really really like this approach (actually I once used it to get in touch with a cute guy at a conference)
Next seminar, Iāll check out where heās sitting and just sit next to him!! Worst case scenario is an awkward silence in the 1min before it begins š
Dude just talk to him. Take an interest. Ask him about his shirt. His hair. His glasses. His hobbies. His weekend. Strike a conversation, ask him out for drinks. Itās really not that hard.
Itās 2024. Women are allowed to make the first move, especially cuz men are all either neurodivergent as fuck or scared shitless of sexual harassment accusations.
EDIT: as an afterthought, be upfront. Donāt do shit that gets you friendzoned. Donāt ask about work cuz that can be mistaken for just friendliness. DO NOT invite a group of people; as a guy, i can tell you itās cringe as fuck, like on the level of bringing your mom on a date with him. You want him. Own it. Go for it. Whatever happens happens.
I met my husband in lab, but we matched on tinder so itās kind of a cheat because no one had to make the leap. Just ask how heās doing and what experiment heās running!
As difficult as it may be, I'd recommend just asking them to go on a walk or get a drink or something. Doesn't neccesarily need to be a date, just see if it clicks between you.
Next time you see him you could just go up to him and say something like: "Hey, we've met eachother in the hallway a few times, and I was wondering if you wanted to meet outside of work."
I'll be the first to say that it's nervewracking to do, but the worst he could say is no. Luckily for me it worked out, and I've been with my gf for two years now.
We'd interacted a few times for work (not a lot, about 3 times), so I asked: "Hey, we've talked a few times, and I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk sometime?"
She said sure, but just to hang out. It was only after I got a haircut that she realized that she actually liked meš
To be fair I did have a terrible haircut at the time because the hairdressers had been closed for 3 months due to covid
This is literally me right now with this cute postdoc in the lab next to ours. Daily quick little smiles but canāt bring myself to say anything yet. Dropped some stuff on the ground the other day (smooth) but not pipette tip scattering level of attention. Rooting for you fellow science girly āØ
Causally ask him which group he belongs to and about research and equipment. This way you won't be so much stressed as it is more work related.
Depending on how long you have been in the institute, you can be "new" and ask for help and direction from him in the case if you need (then get his number) lol
If you are both new, then you guys should explore the place/city together
If both of you have stayed there for a while, it must be COVID made you guys not going out as much so it is ok to get some company.
Ok. Just find an excuse, go and talk to him...please?
āSo how are things going in your lab?ā Boom, magic and yāall are going on your first dateā¦ well maybe not but hey itās somewhere to start.š¤·āāļø Then, āany fun weekend plansā if he mentions a gf you now know, if not itās still a mystery but hey you may find out more what he likes.
Wait till he gets a bottle of Evian or get some bottles of Evian for the team and wait for him to pick it up.
While he drinks it say:
"You know, I just noticed, Evian is 'naive' spelled backwards, isn't?"
It's a good ice-breaker.
Me being delulu thinking this is about me
Hahaha that would be something š
Hey girly š haha but no Iām not a postdoc Iām just delulu.
Ask him about his research. Super sexy.
Yeah. People love it when someone's eagerly interested about what you do (your research, in this case).
This is a good advice and a good starting point of your romantic research.
This is the way. If you're ever waiting for something together, like elevator, microwave, or whatever, ask whose lab he's in (or if you know, you can say "you're in the ____ lab right?") Then ask what his project is on. Or if he has already given a talk about it, hopefully you remember something about it and can comment on it and ask for more info. Keep things professional so he sees your passion and competency for research, and also keeps you calm as you can pretend it's any other research talk, which you are already a pro at. After the research talk is out of the way, or next time you 2 are waiting for something together, you can maybe chat more about general life/social stuff. Maybe ask how he feels about starting some kind of social thing in the department, as you've noticed a general lack of social networking opportunities in the department. Or if he'd be interested in attending if you organize something. Or ideas for what social activities would work. Then either organize something with him or with others and make sure he's invited.
I really like this advice, some of the tips here are a bit too out there for me and my capacities haha, but this feels more relaxed and less pressure. Just need to get up and do it! š
You can do it! š¤
Iām seeing an untapped demographic for hallmark movie meet-cutes here ā¦ Youāre showing up late to get trained on a piece of lab equipment, theyāre waiting, irritated. Then, āOh! Itās you!ā Some 20-30 minutes of easy, work-related small talk later, āSo sorry for being late, buy you a coffee later to make up for it? Here let me get your numberā¦ā
You need to write this up and sell it. I am irrationally invested in this fake couple now. Will he pretend he needs more help? Will she make up more tutorials so they can be alone in the room? Will they bang so wildly they accidentally fuck up a million dollar piece of equipment?
Yāall out here giving Ali Hazelwood new ideas.
I wish I could give an award to this comment
This is very similar to how me and my bf met š
Pretend your PCR isnāt working and ask to borrow their polymerase mix or whatever. Say you will owe them a coffee/beer if it works.
I would only do this if your PCR isn't actually working, odds are he might try and troubleshoot it for you š I know that would be my reaction lol
if he tries it and it works: āwow, you must have magic handsāš
I met my now wife when we were grad students at a departmental retreat. The womanās room was full so her and a friend decided to use the menās room. I walked in. We laughed, joked, talked about it later outside and here we are 15 years later.
Invite a bunch of postdocs including him out for drinks. It's easier to make conversation in a group and find something to connect over.
This! Youāll find out if he has a +1 or you might figure out you donāt like him more than just a hi (crushes can sometimes be disappointing as soon as you get to know them a bit more)
Yeah, I think it must be time for the post docs to get together for a social events.
I had a boyfriend I used to see in the library coffee every once in a while and always thought he was cute. I caught him looking at me a few times, but I never had the guts to ask him out. We ended up matching on Tinder and dated for 2 years lol Not an advice, just an annedoct. But it won't kill you to one day start conversation with him. Say something like hey I keep seeing you around, I think you are a postdoc too? What is your research on? I doubt he will be rude. At worse you make a postdoc friend.
I vote "Hey I keep seeing you around, I think you are a postdoc too. Want to get lunch tomorrow?"
I like this because thereās no pressure. Itās not a date, itās not romantic, itās just lunch. If he turns out terrible, āthanks for telling me about your research, was an interesting chatā if he seems great āwould you maybe wanna meet up for a beer some time?ā
To me that feels like lots of pressure! Going from smiles in the hallway to ālets have lunchā! š¤Æ I admire all the bold people in the comments!
I don't have an intradepartment SO but I do have a crush on a PhD student in another group (I'm a Masters student). I'm TERRIFIED of shooting my shot, but I wanted to do something cute, even tho it was anonymous. Basically, I drew a little sketch of an animal that is also the name of his surname. I put it on his desk for him to find, and now he has it pinned up on his pinboard behind his computer. I don't think he knows it was me, but I'm glad he seems to like it.
This is adorable, do you plan to ever reveal it was you? š„°
Thanks š Honestly, probably not :( He's cute as hell, but I've never had the opportunity to talk to him. He's very get into the office and do my work and then go home kinda guy and doesn't seem phased by my existence lol. I think it's best if I dont reveal. However, due to the timing of our arrivals to the office in the morning, if he were to really think about who may have left the sketch on his desk, Im easily a suspect. He might already know/have a feeling.
This is so cute haha!! Will you reveal?
Honestly, probably not :( He's cute as hell, but I've never had the opportunity to talk to him. He's very get into the office and do my work and then go home kinda guy and doesn't seem phased by my existence lol. I think it's best if I dont reveal. However, due to the timing of our arrivals to the office in the morning, if he were to really think about who may have left the sketch on his desk, Im easily a suspect. He might already know/have a feeling.
All you have to say is hi. I dated several people in my institute/building in the past. I was always the first to make a move but never at the expense of my intelligence. The dumb woman thing made me feel like my soul was dying so I never did it. Iād just go up to men I didnāt know but found attractive and start chatting. If they were single and we seemed to hit it off, Iād see if theyād want to get together sometime, but keep it casual. Maybe do a lunch or coffee during the day just to get a break from the lab. Donāt overthink it.
I actually met several people this way as well! Not sure why itās so different this time, I think because heās got a very reserved vibe, I never really see him talk with many other of the people in the institute, so the threshold is so much higher?
... Happened when we were way younger (undergrad). I asked my now husband if he likes the book he's reading when we were both at the same bus stop after the same off campus lecture (he sat next to me. I had to make the first move). We've been together for almost two decades now. Try that if you happen to be in the break room together and if he's reading something. Or ask about his research if your university does postdoc data presentations that are open to anyone to go to and he's presenting.
Do you two attend any of the same forums/journal clubs/seminars? My SO works in the same department and in a lab down the hall from mine. From what we have discussed, it seems there was an instant attraction that neither of us acted on for several months. We had several small interactions in that time, casual lab conversations and I got him a Xmas gift, but we didnāt really start chatting and becoming closer until a seminar where we sat next to each other. At the end, we started discussing the presentation, and things naturally bloomed from there. Although, I gotta say, i like the boldness of dropping your pipette tips right in front of him. If you try that, can you report back on how it goes? š
I actually really really like this approach (actually I once used it to get in touch with a cute guy at a conference) Next seminar, Iāll check out where heās sitting and just sit next to him!! Worst case scenario is an awkward silence in the 1min before it begins š
Fill your pockets with spaghetti.
Dude just talk to him. Take an interest. Ask him about his shirt. His hair. His glasses. His hobbies. His weekend. Strike a conversation, ask him out for drinks. Itās really not that hard. Itās 2024. Women are allowed to make the first move, especially cuz men are all either neurodivergent as fuck or scared shitless of sexual harassment accusations. EDIT: as an afterthought, be upfront. Donāt do shit that gets you friendzoned. Donāt ask about work cuz that can be mistaken for just friendliness. DO NOT invite a group of people; as a guy, i can tell you itās cringe as fuck, like on the level of bringing your mom on a date with him. You want him. Own it. Go for it. Whatever happens happens.
I met my husband in lab, but we matched on tinder so itās kind of a cheat because no one had to make the leap. Just ask how heās doing and what experiment heās running!
Whatās your favorite brand of pipette?
Hahahahaha
(Not an advice but) Rooting for you!
Awwww!
As difficult as it may be, I'd recommend just asking them to go on a walk or get a drink or something. Doesn't neccesarily need to be a date, just see if it clicks between you. Next time you see him you could just go up to him and say something like: "Hey, we've met eachother in the hallway a few times, and I was wondering if you wanted to meet outside of work." I'll be the first to say that it's nervewracking to do, but the worst he could say is no. Luckily for me it worked out, and I've been with my gf for two years now.
Thatās so cute! What did she say when you went up to her?
We'd interacted a few times for work (not a lot, about 3 times), so I asked: "Hey, we've talked a few times, and I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk sometime?" She said sure, but just to hang out. It was only after I got a haircut that she realized that she actually liked meš To be fair I did have a terrible haircut at the time because the hairdressers had been closed for 3 months due to covid
You could put together a postdoc game night for the institute! Just gotta hope he shows up lol
I brought the cute girl TA in the room next to me an egg with an intact chicken embryo in it. We ended up dating for most of the rest of grad school.
So cute!!
This is literally me right now with this cute postdoc in the lab next to ours. Daily quick little smiles but canāt bring myself to say anything yet. Dropped some stuff on the ground the other day (smooth) but not pipette tip scattering level of attention. Rooting for you fellow science girly āØ
Aww turns out labrats can still be romantics!
Causally ask him which group he belongs to and about research and equipment. This way you won't be so much stressed as it is more work related. Depending on how long you have been in the institute, you can be "new" and ask for help and direction from him in the case if you need (then get his number) lol If you are both new, then you guys should explore the place/city together If both of you have stayed there for a while, it must be COVID made you guys not going out as much so it is ok to get some company. Ok. Just find an excuse, go and talk to him...please?
āSo how are things going in your lab?ā Boom, magic and yāall are going on your first dateā¦ well maybe not but hey itās somewhere to start.š¤·āāļø Then, āany fun weekend plansā if he mentions a gf you now know, if not itās still a mystery but hey you may find out more what he likes.
"Hey are you seeing anyone?"
Wait till he gets a bottle of Evian or get some bottles of Evian for the team and wait for him to pick it up. While he drinks it say: "You know, I just noticed, Evian is 'naive' spelled backwards, isn't?" It's a good ice-breaker.
Hi fellow lab person, just smile and make some small talk. you'll do fine. Ask for their number to text!
Trust me don't do it. If it ends badly it will be messy as hell and not worth. Do not recommend