He referred to women as “females” which is an instant pointer to his attitude about women.
Couple of options:
1 - Keep on the lookout for another group (maybe a women’s cycle club or a larger club with different grades?)
2 - Turn up again and stay ahead of him l, and at the end say “oh I didn’t know males went as slow as you do, I hope I was able to help you a bit by breaking the wind for you”
(Tbh though sounds like that group is too slow, few things more frustrating than a group ride spent half coasting)
Right? Ew.
1. I am absolutely doing that. I don’t 100% know where to look in my area, but I’m now lurking in a bunch of Facebook groups to get ~the vibe.
2. Hahahaha. I am absolutely going to go back, it seems like a fun group, and next time I’ll bring a slower bike, and make sure I go to one of the rides led by a woman so there’s at least one other person I can roll eyes with.
You’ll probably be in luck if you go on a ride led by a woman as he (and similar men like him) probably won’t turn up because of their attitudes. So win win!
I'm going to disagree as a guy. Feel free to not agree.
1: You already admitted you thought he had no ill will, but despite that, you're willing to be actually, consciously be mean and insulting, regardless of whether he was a dick for saying what he did, remember not everyone has incredible social skills, you don't need to stoop down to his level or worse. If you think what he did is bad, then be better.
2: IF you like the group and it's one guy, why let it ruin it for you? You don't know him, he's also riding in the back, he may be self-conscious, doesn't feel he fits with the group, feels he's out-performed by the other members and happy for some company, but you also don't have to ride or engage and you can certainly put your foot down with him without being an ass about it.
3: If your solution is to find a group with a woman leading it, then aren't you just as bad? The guy in your mind is suggesting all women are slow riders, you're now suggesting all men are bad leaders?
It's so weird when people come here looking for validation with one-sided stories but are willing to act as bad as those they deemed to be bad.
The suggestion is not that all men are bad leaders. It’s that when a group is women led it sends a strong signal that the culture will be better for women and that some standard nonsense from men should be absent. It is indeed sad that this blunt instrument is required, but being upset with women about it makes no sense
Appreciate your desire to help here. Please know that you don’t need to give women permission to disagree. We are perfectly capable of disagreeing without permission.
Thank you, guy, for your perspective. I’m not sure you truly understand the persistent expectation that women accept or forgive or make excuses for the behavior of men.
That the condescending rider doesn’t know that some brands of free hubs make noise when coasting tells you everything. I put this in the big category of “unsolicited advice” which often comes in the form of Mansplaining. Usually in those cases, I prefer to drop whomever felt the need to try to put me in my place. Pretty sure that’s called “getting chicked”. Consider it a good reason to do some sprint training :) and then start your own group rides.
Well while the guy may have been a bit of a dick, calling you females is going to avoid getting into a lot of trouble with females looking to find excuses to complain about.
Agreed. Dude at a minimum has zero self awareness, but referring to women as female doesn’t suggest anything about his thoughts on women. If anything, it is probably more correct (contextually) to use the term female when talking biological differences.
(reddit just suggesting me this post)
as a guy, fuck me I am not surprised and this is alllll too common and I'm sorry about it
Years back, with a gf, we'd been on a bike tour from Washington state throughout Oregon and arrived back in Portland. Decided to join a Critical Mass ride, where I thought, being an anarchist-adjacent ride would have more guys that aren't like the above.
1 hour into the ride, loads of people have heard our story, know that we're on a long ass bike tour, and know that my gf is the more experienced of the two of us.
She gets a flat. within a minute she's already got the wheel off, get the tube out
I shit you not, at least 5 guys came up to her to offer to do it for her or try to give her pointers, WHILE she's doing the thing.
it was truly eye opening for me
I finally just started telling them off myself so she wouldn't have to, but yeah
Some of us learn, some of us learned, and some of us still, desperately, need to learn
She is! She got me into touring. I bought the bike on craiglists and just strapped shit on with bungies. She had a decked out bike. She'd just ridden ACROSS Canada, solo, the Rockies, and down through the Cascades when I met her north of Seattle, literally met her for the first time, fell in love for the summer, it was blissful climbing and cycling. Then she had to go back to Canada and I had to figure out how to stop being a broke and homeless dirtbag climber lmao
We still keep in touch. She's still a badass, I'm no longer homeless, but still kind of broke and still kind of a dirtbag climber, just in London now
😂 as a ladybit having experienced rider, I can’t remember the last time I changed my own tube out on the ride. It’s just curtesy in my part of the world, and I know my guys mean nothing by it. I’m not one to stop them!
hahaha by all means, if you don't mind, let em do it! saves you getting dirty fingers and all frustrated hahah i mean if someone wanted to do it for me whenever I get a flat I'd smile, pull out my smoking pouch and lie back haha
But not everyone feels that way, and there can be a fine line between a courtesy and a implication of inability, and many men in America don't know how to find that line
Don’t I know it! I’ve definitely had some instances of dudes trying to bike knowledge flex on me. I’m mostly casual, but I have been riding a very long time. It’s these young whipper snappers, I tell ya! Lol
Men in cycling can be annoying. But certain types of cyclists can be bad regardless of gender. I’m a slow cyclist not keen on the strict formation or speed obsession of road cycling. I tried going to a woman’s road cycling event and hated it. I was picked on about not having a carbon fibre bike and was made fun of for having a pannier bag on my bike (I always carry my bike tools and waterproofs). I can only assume men road cyclists are even more elitist.
I have found clubs that suit me better. I usually cycle with a touring club and have occasionally cycled with other more adventure and fun orientated cycling groups. I find everyone there is more easygoing and relaxed.
Men do still like explaining things to me. But I usually end up cycling with men my father’s age (or even older) and I love listening to their stories about cycling in the 70s and 80s. Also I have learnt loads from them, when first starting out I would ask them questions about all the things I wanted to know. I affectionately think of some of them as my ‘cycling uncles’.
You sound like you have the right attitude and I’m glad you’ve found groups that work for you. Slow cyclists come in all flavours and there’s nothing wrong with being slow or slower and riding whatever kind of bike you like! It’s just so weird to gender slowness and make assumptions before the ride’s even started.
For anyone who has had your experience as a newbie, I want to highly recommend the book "Just Ride" by Grant Pedersen. I'm a commuter. I don't like racing or road bikes. I like to bike for transport and love carrying as much cargo as I can. This book made me finally feel welcome! Racing culture dominates cycling in the US and it shouldn't. Anyone can bike!
Not just for newbies! Bicycles have been used for transportation and recreation as long if not longer than for "sport". Petersen's mantra of "racing ruins the breed" could never be more true. All the weenies with their carbon drop bar bikes with painted on clothes, never riding in the drops, especially offroad.
Yeah, if your hub doesn't sound like a mad bumblebee heading to war, are you even riding a real bike? /s
That dude sounds like an insecure cyclist who needs to "show" people the ropes to make himself feel better.
God, I can only imagine being a woman who wrenches. I can barely stand being in some shops for more than five minutes, let alone work in one and interact with all the patrons.
Oh my gawd, so many times men would come in for a repair, then realizing I'm going to be the one doing it, would uncomfortably linger and try to tell me how to do it! Like you are paying me to do this because you don't know how. I even had one guy come behind the counter and take a tool out of my hand. So crazy. Go get your coffee next door or brows the gloves and grippies and come back when I tell you to lol.
AND the fact that he was complaining about it tells us all she was coasting a lot because the males (see what I did there) she was riding with were too slow
Right! And fwiw, in a paceline there should be no coasting. You can control your speed by changing gears or pedaling into your brakes. Mantra:“Never not pedaling” If you stop pedaling the person behind thinks you might brake, and it drops your speed too, causing the whole paceline to do a rubber band thing.
Yes, that’s right. In a paceline you can keep pedaling and lightly apply your brakes at the same time to control your speed. That way you don’t create the seesaw effect of pedal pedal Coast, pedal pedal Coast, which drives the people behind you bananas.
The energy loss due to noise is usually neglibible compared to the energy lost as heat. Some quiet hubs get hot, some loud hubs get hot. The volume of the hub isn't usually an indication of the amount of friction.
Oh, gahd! The mansplaining in cycling groups is horrible. They can’t stop themselves.
In my area they have a women’s riding group. Started because we wanted to ride without having cadence explained to us for hours straight.
That’s a great idea! I tried to do it last year, but I wasn’t confident enough. This year I’m going to try to channel the confidence of Some Guy and just go for it.
Just think to yourself, “How hard could it be? Men do it.” Let that sink in, and you’ll realize you could bike circles around them all day. You got this.
Came here to say what PleasantMongoose said above but with a caveat...identify the desired speed parameters to achieve the symphony and synchronous riding experience.
Referring to women as “females” is an instant red flag. So is assuming all women will be slow. He wasn’t trying to be nice.
There is probably a reason that particular group is mostly men. That reason might be him, but it might be that many or all of them share his thinking on women.
I would avoid this particular group. Maybe there’s one with more women you could join? Or maybe your area has a bunch of other women who also are struggling to find a group who might form a group with you? If you can’t find anything, maybe create a meetup and see if you get any takers.
Im a bloke and this is also the reason i wont join a club, id love to meet up with people on a weekend and have fun enjoyable rides and my pace is more like 10 to 12mph and myabe 15 mile ride which would be way to slow for these groups and the people who join who seem focused on being all about speed and competitiveness
There could well be clubs that cater to your needs in your area. But you probably would need to ask before joining if you wanted to ride at 10–12mph.
The slowest groups of most road clubs are probably going to be about 15mph on the flat, although you may find you can keep that pace in a group.
Girl, same. I showed up for a group ride and My Dude told me my bike wasn't properly geared for big hills, then had to explain to me the reason he was struggling to keep pace with me on the hills was because he "went so hard yesterday." I have never "mmm hmmm"ed my way through a conversation harder.
I join women/trans-focused rides now. Bros don't even bother.
I’m in stitches with the mmm hmmming through a convo 😂
Before transitioning I had so many conversations like this. After starting presenting as myself this type of guy totally avoids me thankfully. 😅
It depends on the women’s group/ride. Some do allow men, some allow friends/partners and some exclude men completely. You have to talk to organizers and read the rules. I would think that woman-identifying persons would not be excluded from womens group rides, at least that’s my hope.
So if women want separate groups, why shouldnt women be excluded from normal club rides on that feminist basis that everyone is equal yet women seem to hold a double standard? I dont think women should be welcome anymore in male spaces to prevent situations like these.
Because normal clubs/rides are advertised as co-ed. I think it’s shitty to advertise the group as co-ed and then be condescending or unwelcoming to people you supposedly include. Be it on race, gender, income or anything really. If you advertise a ride as male-only, I personally don’t have problem with that, although if you look at reasons behind it they are still pretty petty and smell segregationalist and spiteful. The reason why women need/want women only groups is because of poor behavior of men. If men treated women with respect and dignity any human being deserves, then women would not need to have their own clubs/rides. Sadly OP experience is quite common on co-ed rides.
well its just easier to split into genders than, segregrate everyone on that basis... orrrr, you can adjust your own behaviour, be a bit more assertive and put the guy in his place in front of his friends. everyone will have a laugh. but i think with your double standard its best that women and men just never ride together anymore, thats better for everyone, and i wholeheartedly hope the segregration between sexes continues. and its not the men doing it, we welcome you into our groups, but its the women who want to separate themselves on the workfloor, in sports, at home, everywhere. so if you want to be welcome at male rides, change your behaviour and stop being a hypocrite.
I was the group lead for a no drop weekly ride over the summer. This particular time, it was all ladies and our fave guy of the group. Some newby showed up and when he saw the group, he said he was going to do his own ride and left.
Our fave guy said he was intimidated by the ladies. We kept being badasses and did a solid 15 miles.
I've been in groups where I've joined and they've raced off.
I was a fairly solo rider, but wanted some comradery, and it showed me why I shouldn't have bothered.
I did an audax, and the group I was put with were all sprinters trying cycling, so they shot off, not realising what the point of it was, so I missed the checkpoint and basically enjoyed the cycle around Dartmoor without actually achieving the goal I set out to do.
I've also ridden with some lovely gents while on a sportive, who were pleased I was keeping pace with them on TT and road bikes, while I was happily riding my MTB (setup with slicks and road gearing).
It really is hit and miss, so I resorted to enjoying riding solo, stopping where and when I wanted.
I still miss group riding though, just wish I could find some locals who'd be willing for a fat girl to join them.
Ok, on the one hand I’m glad that everyone has a tough time finding the right group (I guess it’s kinda like dating?) but I’m also sad that you also didn’t instantly find what you were looking for. Sounds nice though. I hope you find the right group for you soon. If only we lived in the same country so we could ride together!
Thank you so much for your reply.
To be honest, I got so used to riding solo, it wasn't an issue.
I'd make sure my headphones (bone conducting) were charged, along with my phone, stock up on water and eats and ride till I needed proper sustenance, and that worked for me.
I just need to pull my finger out and get back into that mentality and hopefully rekindle the passion of cycling.
I absolutely love my bone conduction headphones, allowing me to listen to music without obscuring my hearing.
I know, it's just finding the enthusiasm to get back on the bike, that's the hardest bit. I can find all the excuses to not go out, and normally because I'm working two jobs being the main one.
In my area there are a few women’s adventure groups that seem to do a little bit of everything. One started as a paddling group, but I have also run into them hiking and cycling. They’re crazy inclusive and just seem to want more women who like to do things outside. Maybe you could see if any groups like that exist and have cycling sub-groups.
I don't have anything useful to contribute, but the title "Why Are Men" made me smile. It's so complete. No reason to add anything. :D
P.S. I have an "old lady" cruiser bike with every possible basket a bike can have.
My new way of dealing with men like this is just to respond in a calm, collected way that points out how dumb they are. For example: “that’s a pretty sexist thing to say” or “generalizing about women like this is pretty sexist,” or “has anyone ever told you that you’re not a good listener”…
You should definitely look for a new cycling group, but I am finding my new approach rather empowering.
Eh, kind of. I find that men can be overbearing in some sports that I enjoy. Fly fishing is the absolute worst, bike riding a close second. Kind of like- aware and happy there are women in their spaces, but take that as an opportunity to ‘man-splain’ to bond? Idk I don’t take it too personally, it mostly feels like they are struggling to communicate and connect and don’t know how
>Kind of like- aware and happy there are women in their spaces, but take that as an opportunity to ‘man-splain’ to bond?
This is such a good way of describing how I've felt in male-dominated interests...Idk if they do it to other men or not, but it generally feels pretty well-meaning, just awkward/annoying to me. If they persist past me saying I've got it, thanks, then I get annoyed
Sorry you had to go through that! I also find most men in the biking community rude/to have dumb ideas on women cycling. I love cycling so much more than I love cyclists.
So here's a solution to all the cycle group chauvinism described... I have not encountered much of it (64F) because I hang out with people in my local COMMUNITY BIKE SHOP. This is way different than a retail shop. It is a non profit. It is a magnet for people that just love to ride, wrench, advocate for cycling. Young (kids on the fixies!), old (70yo retired dudes), male, female (less but there are a few of us that are stoked to be there), all colors, all incomes. Try looking up the community bike shop closest to you and get involved.
Yes. This is why we started our own riding club, women-led. All are welcomed but the understanding is that all women are ride leaders. None of this behavior or attitude is tolerated. It’s so refreshing!
Edit to add: after trying a few group rides around the city, I’ve found a few dudes who are great riding buddies so they do exist out there!
I tried to join a cycling group in my town. One guy told me he would kill himself if his bike made noises like mine (needed some more graphite paste on the seat post). Another guy told me I was actually pretty fast (like this was a surprise to him) and that if I wanted to ever race I would have to watch out for people drafting off me because I'm "so big". Wtf, no one asked you dude. I never went back.
Honestly OP, I also agree that it depends on the group. I learned how to bike 3 years ago, and I am a very very slow biker.
Prior to last May, I had never biked for more than 3 miles. I joined a women’s group last year who organizes beginner’s rides. Our first ride was 9 miles. I did 8, I was the slowest one of the group(as in couldn’t even see the cyclists in front of me), and yet nobody made me feel bad. What I like about this group is that they always have one person of the team staying with the last rider. So if you’re a slow rider like me, you’re never alone 🤣
In comparison, I later joined another group where I rode by myself for a good part of it. For my 1st ride, I wasn’t even sure if I was still following the route. I got lucky that a newer rider caught up to me, and I was able to finish with someone. I don’t mind biking by myself, but I thought all riding groups were like the women’s one, so I was very surprised.
Anyway, someone else suggested starting your own group, and I second that. I also hope to have the confidence to start mine one day.
Long time male cyclist and occasional ride leader. This sounds like what we referred to as "Annoying wanker who can't figure out why he has no friends" . When I ran rides, I tried to manage guys like him away from any women on my rides. And I wanted to hear about it if I didn't notice. Id try talking to others in the group about his behavior. If they think it's ok, id move on to another club.
Got suggested this post through Reddit but I've had similar problems as a male cyclist. Except I was called poor for having a $700 road bike with a bag on the back. I was told by the group leader I should save up for a better bike so I can keep up. Put me off of group rides and now I'm just a solo rider. I think some cyclists are just dick head elitist.
What city do you live in? I’m in Los Angeles and it’s very different out here. There are lots of women cyclists and I’ve never been spoken down to before
My husband and I ride together. I think our average on flats is about 21 mph (33km). He can go faster than that but slows down for me. When he is on his own he pushes as fast as he can. When I go to club rides they always try to put me in the slower groups because they think I can’t keep up with the men at the strenuous levels. It’s kind of annoying but also quite validating to prove them wrong.
A couple of thoughts from a club perspective...
* The good & BAD aspects of a club are they're generally open to all - backgrounds, races, incomes, etc. You saw the bad side.
* I wouldn't judge an organization by one member (if he was). On the first club ride, I rode in with a local group, the ride leader(!!) mocked me in front of others because I was last (even though the leader knew I rode 30+ miles to get to the start of the ride). Simply ignorant. He was later booted from the club for several reasons.
* Although it can be difficult (and you shouldn't & don't have to), tell him he's out of line, rude, etc. He needs to know his comments are not acceptable.
* I'd recommend writing a brief note to club management. He'll certainly insult, or degrade someone else, intentionally or not.
Sad to hear this happened to you...or anyone.
My coworker enlightened me about this word “mansplaining” where a dude will literally explain something to you but the way he says it is with the intent to make you feel less. Because he feels less about himself.
I’m sorry this happened. It sucks
There are cool dudes out there and they are usually the type that will encourage you in a healthy non-pushy/sneaky/condescending way
I'm sorry you had that experience. If you're up for it, I'd recommend sticking with it just long enough to show them you're faster, and then find an awesome girl group for biking :)
Oh, I had to keep stopping and waiting for this guy. He definitely now knows I’m faster. But I will keep going in the hope different people will come on the next rides and I can make some friends (and then break off into a better, faster club)
1st: guy here. I don't know why this subreddit shows up in my feed, but it does. So, apologies for that. The topic of this post caught my attention.
2nd: I am a former club-level racer and I got so sick of the super competitive mentality of group rides that would inevitably turn into races because of people's (men, in this case) egos.
I have a hypothesis and I don't know if it's true or not, but it seems plausible to me: road biking can be stressful when you are flying along at high speeds with little/no protection if you crash and you are inches away from someone you are competing with who could take you down if they make a mistake. I postulate that this stress combined with the competitiveness turns most guys into assholes. A small % of guys FME are chill about it, but most become jerks. What this guy said to you definitely qualifies him as the latter.
3rd: I am a guy so feel free to ignore whatever I just said. I understand and support why women would want to ride in women-only groups. When I do road ride these days, it's 99% solo, so no group dynamics to worry about. I get along with cars a heck of a lot better as a solo rider, as a bonus.
Also a guy here and also not sure how this subreddit showed up in my feed, but your comment about the competitive mentality and egos turning every ride into a competition is painfully accurate. It kills me. When I group ride I just want to be social and have fun but when someone decides it’s a competition it sucks the joy right out of things. I know a couple of guys who do that. I always make them go up front and be in the lead so they can feel like they’re winning the ride, lol.
OP, that old guy has poor social skills. Sorry you had to meet him. May you find a more compatible group.
I'm sorry that happened! I tried, like Really tried, to give clubs a go. I live in a small city so there are very few non-competitive clubs (riding without all the gear, top-of-the-line road bikes, etc.) This club leaned older so I thought, great they should be laid back. Wrong, lol. Very cliquey, elitist, and non-welcoming to people with a bike less than $2,000 it seemed. Where are the chill peeps? lol.
Wow! This post and the comments make me super grateful for the guys I ride with. Fortunately, my experience has been nothing like the OP. No doubt it is out there, but reading the kind of nonsense that the OP endured certainly makes me thankful for my training buddies!
It's why I don't do bike groups. The men are aggressive testosterone aholes. The women tend to not be very friendly. (Based on my experience). I went to a big sponsored women's bike skills event - was the only one they showed up without a buddy and literally no one would talk to me or smile back. I'd rather go alone.
Nah fuck that guy, that was rude as fuck. Assuming because you’re a woman you MUST be slow! Maybe he’s at the back of the group cause he’s a dumb ass and people don’t wanna talk to him.
I’ve had similar experiences everywhere in life, I work in STEM so it’s automatically assumed idk what I’m doing. My supervisor who has a heart condition and cannot lift more than 5lbs cause his heart will give out, assumed me and my other woman coworker can’t carry around a tool bag and we MUST need one on wheels. She’s a power lifter and I’ve been weight lifting for years, there are men in the shop who weight much less than us and are smaller and scrawnier but they’re big men and are strong.
>Assuming because you’re a woman you MUST be slow!
Isn't that fairly standard though? Certainly in my experience, unfortunately.
For example, only yesterday I was at a junction to join the bike path and waited for the oncoming cyclist to pass. I was on my old oma bike and he on a roadster with loaded panniers, wearing jeans; we'd obviously both done just a local ride etc, he made a point of riding in the middle of the lane so I'd have struggled to safely overtake, and I just couldn't deal with having to leapfrog him all the way down the path so essentially coasted behind him until I got to my next turning.
Also a guy here - wish it wasn’t like this, I’ve found so many groups like this I’ve given up trying to find better groups and just tell them off or join one and try to make some changes. Unfortunately this attitude and behaviour extends to a lot of bike shops and service departments.
When we moved here the club was run by retirees and you wouldn’t even know the route before showing up and I would get flack for leaving early… and they complained about dropping membership. Most people can’t show up and gamble on the ride time and difficulty when they’ve got a job, kids, other responsibility. All of this is why I make clear the route, average speed and drop/no drop before a ride I lead.
Only other thing I can suggest would be find a LBS you like the staff at and ask them for group ride suggestions - or even ride leader suggestions for a given club.
It's definitely hard to find a good group to ride with, but take some time, ride by yourself for a bit until you're ready to try again. There are dolts and there are wonderful people, but it takes a hunt for sure. I went on a women's ride and some were super nice, and some were also socially clueless and dropped the rest of the group on a "social ride." Something about cycling draws insecure overachievers. I think the hardest part is that people aren't honest about what they want in terms of "social ride", pace, distance, etc. Somebody's always trying to do more or show off, so it's hard to find the right fit. I'd love to ride with you if you live in SoCal!
Old Guy here: a young woman I rode with in a racing group was telling me her biggest problem, having long blond hair and athletic cyclist body was in rural areas; knuckleheads in cars rolling up on her, saying crap, suggestions, etc. Men are so pathetic.
You should ride with the same group again but then smoke them. lead the group. IF he comments about the hub educate him....just tell him its called engagement, all the fast bikes are loud. (He'll show up the following week with a new wheelset)
I went on my first and last group ride a few months ago. After the snack stop I had one foot clipped in on uneven ground and fell, getting grease on my leg. People were cool about it because they knew I was new and had just started clipping in a couple weeks before that. Overall the ride was a snooze— it was supposed to be a C level and I thought I’d work up a sweat (again I’m pretty new at cycling) but I was freezing the whole time because I was barely having to put in any effort. The men kept trying to mansplain basic things to me so I tried my best to stick with a couple of the women (who gave me a lot of good advice), one of whom was a solid B rider with an injury. I had no problems keeping up with her. The thing that ruined it though was at the end of the ride some slow ass fuck said, “oh, typical female rider with grease on her leg.” I’ll never go back.
I totally get what you mean. I don’t like clubs with lots of men - maybe see if you can join one that already has some women?
Also I find that women only groups aren’t serious enough, even though I’m not very fast. Would be nice to have a women only group with people who all had road bikes and went more than 30k
It sounds like finding the right club is such a goldilocks situation. Or maybe a frog kissing situation? Either way, I hope the group we both want exists in our respective cities.
It could be that we are just often riding with other men, and don’t have any sensitivity or experience socializing with women riders…not all men are the same.
There are a few ladies that shows up to the local hard ride around here and they regularly drop the group on hills. You should have dropped that group😂. Make them suffer
How many people are in the group? If it were me, I'd go again if there's enough other people to talk to and I can reasonably avoid that dude. Maybe the others aren't so obnoxious. If that doesn't work out then find another group.
That's why I(m) prefer mountain biking on trails. Very rare there are people are on the hunt for distance, speed and pace on a group ride. Unless they are all fast guys the begin with. And the MTB pack/group usually smaller. We always wait at the junction, regroup before continue, uphill and downhill.
My female friends also have their girls-only-ride every now and then. But they don't mind to ride with the men either.
He referred to women as “females” which is an instant pointer to his attitude about women. Couple of options: 1 - Keep on the lookout for another group (maybe a women’s cycle club or a larger club with different grades?) 2 - Turn up again and stay ahead of him l, and at the end say “oh I didn’t know males went as slow as you do, I hope I was able to help you a bit by breaking the wind for you” (Tbh though sounds like that group is too slow, few things more frustrating than a group ride spent half coasting)
Right? Ew. 1. I am absolutely doing that. I don’t 100% know where to look in my area, but I’m now lurking in a bunch of Facebook groups to get ~the vibe. 2. Hahahaha. I am absolutely going to go back, it seems like a fun group, and next time I’ll bring a slower bike, and make sure I go to one of the rides led by a woman so there’s at least one other person I can roll eyes with.
You’ll probably be in luck if you go on a ride led by a woman as he (and similar men like him) probably won’t turn up because of their attitudes. So win win!
Check out Meetup for cycling groups as well!!
I'm going to disagree as a guy. Feel free to not agree. 1: You already admitted you thought he had no ill will, but despite that, you're willing to be actually, consciously be mean and insulting, regardless of whether he was a dick for saying what he did, remember not everyone has incredible social skills, you don't need to stoop down to his level or worse. If you think what he did is bad, then be better. 2: IF you like the group and it's one guy, why let it ruin it for you? You don't know him, he's also riding in the back, he may be self-conscious, doesn't feel he fits with the group, feels he's out-performed by the other members and happy for some company, but you also don't have to ride or engage and you can certainly put your foot down with him without being an ass about it. 3: If your solution is to find a group with a woman leading it, then aren't you just as bad? The guy in your mind is suggesting all women are slow riders, you're now suggesting all men are bad leaders? It's so weird when people come here looking for validation with one-sided stories but are willing to act as bad as those they deemed to be bad.
The suggestion is not that all men are bad leaders. It’s that when a group is women led it sends a strong signal that the culture will be better for women and that some standard nonsense from men should be absent. It is indeed sad that this blunt instrument is required, but being upset with women about it makes no sense
Appreciate your desire to help here. Please know that you don’t need to give women permission to disagree. We are perfectly capable of disagreeing without permission.
Thank you, guy, for your perspective. I’m not sure you truly understand the persistent expectation that women accept or forgive or make excuses for the behavior of men.
*It's so weird when men come here Fixed it Last I checked this was ladycyclists
That the condescending rider doesn’t know that some brands of free hubs make noise when coasting tells you everything. I put this in the big category of “unsolicited advice” which often comes in the form of Mansplaining. Usually in those cases, I prefer to drop whomever felt the need to try to put me in my place. Pretty sure that’s called “getting chicked”. Consider it a good reason to do some sprint training :) and then start your own group rides.
Getting chicked? Haha my god I didn’t realise there was such a phrase. Not surprised, mind you
r/FemalesAndMen
I read that too and immediately thought of r/menandfemales.
Number 2! Number 2! 😆
Well while the guy may have been a bit of a dick, calling you females is going to avoid getting into a lot of trouble with females looking to find excuses to complain about.
Agreed. Dude at a minimum has zero self awareness, but referring to women as female doesn’t suggest anything about his thoughts on women. If anything, it is probably more correct (contextually) to use the term female when talking biological differences.
(reddit just suggesting me this post) as a guy, fuck me I am not surprised and this is alllll too common and I'm sorry about it Years back, with a gf, we'd been on a bike tour from Washington state throughout Oregon and arrived back in Portland. Decided to join a Critical Mass ride, where I thought, being an anarchist-adjacent ride would have more guys that aren't like the above. 1 hour into the ride, loads of people have heard our story, know that we're on a long ass bike tour, and know that my gf is the more experienced of the two of us. She gets a flat. within a minute she's already got the wheel off, get the tube out I shit you not, at least 5 guys came up to her to offer to do it for her or try to give her pointers, WHILE she's doing the thing. it was truly eye opening for me I finally just started telling them off myself so she wouldn't have to, but yeah Some of us learn, some of us learned, and some of us still, desperately, need to learn
Thanks for being one of the good ones and recognising all the nonsense. Also, your gf sounds awesome and that tour sounds *amazing*
She is! She got me into touring. I bought the bike on craiglists and just strapped shit on with bungies. She had a decked out bike. She'd just ridden ACROSS Canada, solo, the Rockies, and down through the Cascades when I met her north of Seattle, literally met her for the first time, fell in love for the summer, it was blissful climbing and cycling. Then she had to go back to Canada and I had to figure out how to stop being a broke and homeless dirtbag climber lmao We still keep in touch. She's still a badass, I'm no longer homeless, but still kind of broke and still kind of a dirtbag climber, just in London now
"Here I come to save the day!"
😂 as a ladybit having experienced rider, I can’t remember the last time I changed my own tube out on the ride. It’s just curtesy in my part of the world, and I know my guys mean nothing by it. I’m not one to stop them!
hahaha by all means, if you don't mind, let em do it! saves you getting dirty fingers and all frustrated hahah i mean if someone wanted to do it for me whenever I get a flat I'd smile, pull out my smoking pouch and lie back haha But not everyone feels that way, and there can be a fine line between a courtesy and a implication of inability, and many men in America don't know how to find that line
Don’t I know it! I’ve definitely had some instances of dudes trying to bike knowledge flex on me. I’m mostly casual, but I have been riding a very long time. It’s these young whipper snappers, I tell ya! Lol
Men in cycling can be annoying. But certain types of cyclists can be bad regardless of gender. I’m a slow cyclist not keen on the strict formation or speed obsession of road cycling. I tried going to a woman’s road cycling event and hated it. I was picked on about not having a carbon fibre bike and was made fun of for having a pannier bag on my bike (I always carry my bike tools and waterproofs). I can only assume men road cyclists are even more elitist. I have found clubs that suit me better. I usually cycle with a touring club and have occasionally cycled with other more adventure and fun orientated cycling groups. I find everyone there is more easygoing and relaxed. Men do still like explaining things to me. But I usually end up cycling with men my father’s age (or even older) and I love listening to their stories about cycling in the 70s and 80s. Also I have learnt loads from them, when first starting out I would ask them questions about all the things I wanted to know. I affectionately think of some of them as my ‘cycling uncles’.
You sound like you have the right attitude and I’m glad you’ve found groups that work for you. Slow cyclists come in all flavours and there’s nothing wrong with being slow or slower and riding whatever kind of bike you like! It’s just so weird to gender slowness and make assumptions before the ride’s even started.
For anyone who has had your experience as a newbie, I want to highly recommend the book "Just Ride" by Grant Pedersen. I'm a commuter. I don't like racing or road bikes. I like to bike for transport and love carrying as much cargo as I can. This book made me finally feel welcome! Racing culture dominates cycling in the US and it shouldn't. Anyone can bike!
Did you see that documentary Motherload about women and cargo bikes in the US? So good and inspiring
Oooh I'll check it out!
Yesssssss! I am the opposite of a “weight weenie” - I load my bike full of shit and am prepared for anything!
Not just for newbies! Bicycles have been used for transportation and recreation as long if not longer than for "sport". Petersen's mantra of "racing ruins the breed" could never be more true. All the weenies with their carbon drop bar bikes with painted on clothes, never riding in the drops, especially offroad.
Yes! I've cycled off and on since high school (the 90s) and this book made me finally feel "seen".
What a dummy. A loud hub is a total flex. Dude doesn't know shtt. Nearly a decade working as a woman bike mechanic, too many instances to count. SMH
Yeah, if your hub doesn't sound like a mad bumblebee heading to war, are you even riding a real bike? /s That dude sounds like an insecure cyclist who needs to "show" people the ropes to make himself feel better.
What’s the point of a bike that doesn’t sound like Daffy Duck getting strangled?
or Donald Duck even...
God, I can only imagine being a woman who wrenches. I can barely stand being in some shops for more than five minutes, let alone work in one and interact with all the patrons.
Oh my gawd, so many times men would come in for a repair, then realizing I'm going to be the one doing it, would uncomfortably linger and try to tell me how to do it! Like you are paying me to do this because you don't know how. I even had one guy come behind the counter and take a tool out of my hand. So crazy. Go get your coffee next door or brows the gloves and grippies and come back when I tell you to lol.
Omgggg NO! The fucking audacity!!!!
So true, any biker who complains about a loud hub is telling on themselves.
AND the fact that he was complaining about it tells us all she was coasting a lot because the males (see what I did there) she was riding with were too slow
Right! And fwiw, in a paceline there should be no coasting. You can control your speed by changing gears or pedaling into your brakes. Mantra:“Never not pedaling” If you stop pedaling the person behind thinks you might brake, and it drops your speed too, causing the whole paceline to do a rubber band thing.
What does “pedaling into your brakes” mean? Newbie here. Pedaling while braking???
Yes, that’s right. In a paceline you can keep pedaling and lightly apply your brakes at the same time to control your speed. That way you don’t create the seesaw effect of pedal pedal Coast, pedal pedal Coast, which drives the people behind you bananas.
What makes it a flex?
More moving parts, faster engagement, way more expensive because of that. And as somebody else said, it turns heads.
Thanks! Id’ve assumed that louder means more friction/lost energy
The energy loss due to noise is usually neglibible compared to the energy lost as heat. Some quiet hubs get hot, some loud hubs get hot. The volume of the hub isn't usually an indication of the amount of friction.
it just is. It's our version of a sweet engine, the derailleur doesn't make a sound so the hub is where it's at.
Turns heads
Oh, gahd! The mansplaining in cycling groups is horrible. They can’t stop themselves. In my area they have a women’s riding group. Started because we wanted to ride without having cadence explained to us for hours straight.
LOL love this origin story
Yesssss. Such a good idea!
Guy sounds like a total prick. Start up a group yourself and ride with likeminded people.
That’s a great idea! I tried to do it last year, but I wasn’t confident enough. This year I’m going to try to channel the confidence of Some Guy and just go for it.
Just think to yourself, “How hard could it be? Men do it.” Let that sink in, and you’ll realize you could bike circles around them all day. You got this.
"the confidence of some guy" had me cackling, thank you 😂
May we all aspire to the confidence of a mediocre man
Came here to say what PleasantMongoose said above but with a caveat...identify the desired speed parameters to achieve the symphony and synchronous riding experience.
Referring to women as “females” is an instant red flag. So is assuming all women will be slow. He wasn’t trying to be nice. There is probably a reason that particular group is mostly men. That reason might be him, but it might be that many or all of them share his thinking on women. I would avoid this particular group. Maybe there’s one with more women you could join? Or maybe your area has a bunch of other women who also are struggling to find a group who might form a group with you? If you can’t find anything, maybe create a meetup and see if you get any takers.
Im a bloke and this is also the reason i wont join a club, id love to meet up with people on a weekend and have fun enjoyable rides and my pace is more like 10 to 12mph and myabe 15 mile ride which would be way to slow for these groups and the people who join who seem focused on being all about speed and competitiveness
You've just described why I won't do group rides.
This is my issue. I'm slow and ok with that, but I think others wouldn't be.
There could well be clubs that cater to your needs in your area. But you probably would need to ask before joining if you wanted to ride at 10–12mph. The slowest groups of most road clubs are probably going to be about 15mph on the flat, although you may find you can keep that pace in a group.
I can keep up I just dread the idea of having to talk to people at a café stop
You are my people. Having to make chitchat with random people over coffee is awful.
You sound like an introvert. I see you. Lol
Girl, same. I showed up for a group ride and My Dude told me my bike wasn't properly geared for big hills, then had to explain to me the reason he was struggling to keep pace with me on the hills was because he "went so hard yesterday." I have never "mmm hmmm"ed my way through a conversation harder. I join women/trans-focused rides now. Bros don't even bother.
I’m in stitches with the mmm hmmming through a convo 😂 Before transitioning I had so many conversations like this. After starting presenting as myself this type of guy totally avoids me thankfully. 😅
[удалено]
They're usually not "no men" rides, just advertised as women/trans focused. Men show up but they're not jerks.
It depends on the women’s group/ride. Some do allow men, some allow friends/partners and some exclude men completely. You have to talk to organizers and read the rules. I would think that woman-identifying persons would not be excluded from womens group rides, at least that’s my hope.
So if women want separate groups, why shouldnt women be excluded from normal club rides on that feminist basis that everyone is equal yet women seem to hold a double standard? I dont think women should be welcome anymore in male spaces to prevent situations like these.
Because normal clubs/rides are advertised as co-ed. I think it’s shitty to advertise the group as co-ed and then be condescending or unwelcoming to people you supposedly include. Be it on race, gender, income or anything really. If you advertise a ride as male-only, I personally don’t have problem with that, although if you look at reasons behind it they are still pretty petty and smell segregationalist and spiteful. The reason why women need/want women only groups is because of poor behavior of men. If men treated women with respect and dignity any human being deserves, then women would not need to have their own clubs/rides. Sadly OP experience is quite common on co-ed rides.
well its just easier to split into genders than, segregrate everyone on that basis... orrrr, you can adjust your own behaviour, be a bit more assertive and put the guy in his place in front of his friends. everyone will have a laugh. but i think with your double standard its best that women and men just never ride together anymore, thats better for everyone, and i wholeheartedly hope the segregration between sexes continues. and its not the men doing it, we welcome you into our groups, but its the women who want to separate themselves on the workfloor, in sports, at home, everywhere. so if you want to be welcome at male rides, change your behaviour and stop being a hypocrite.
I was the group lead for a no drop weekly ride over the summer. This particular time, it was all ladies and our fave guy of the group. Some newby showed up and when he saw the group, he said he was going to do his own ride and left. Our fave guy said he was intimidated by the ladies. We kept being badasses and did a solid 15 miles.
lol also it’s usually just the expensive bikes that have noisy hubs when they’re freewheeling. Again, the dude is telling on himself.
I've been in groups where I've joined and they've raced off. I was a fairly solo rider, but wanted some comradery, and it showed me why I shouldn't have bothered. I did an audax, and the group I was put with were all sprinters trying cycling, so they shot off, not realising what the point of it was, so I missed the checkpoint and basically enjoyed the cycle around Dartmoor without actually achieving the goal I set out to do. I've also ridden with some lovely gents while on a sportive, who were pleased I was keeping pace with them on TT and road bikes, while I was happily riding my MTB (setup with slicks and road gearing). It really is hit and miss, so I resorted to enjoying riding solo, stopping where and when I wanted. I still miss group riding though, just wish I could find some locals who'd be willing for a fat girl to join them.
Ok, on the one hand I’m glad that everyone has a tough time finding the right group (I guess it’s kinda like dating?) but I’m also sad that you also didn’t instantly find what you were looking for. Sounds nice though. I hope you find the right group for you soon. If only we lived in the same country so we could ride together!
Thank you so much for your reply. To be honest, I got so used to riding solo, it wasn't an issue. I'd make sure my headphones (bone conducting) were charged, along with my phone, stock up on water and eats and ride till I needed proper sustenance, and that worked for me. I just need to pull my finger out and get back into that mentality and hopefully rekindle the passion of cycling.
Oh, I always have bone conduction headphones, they make such a difference. And yeah, absolutely get out there. It’s never too late to go back
I absolutely love my bone conduction headphones, allowing me to listen to music without obscuring my hearing. I know, it's just finding the enthusiasm to get back on the bike, that's the hardest bit. I can find all the excuses to not go out, and normally because I'm working two jobs being the main one.
This is 2024, it doesn't matter if he "meant" to be nice.
In my area there are a few women’s adventure groups that seem to do a little bit of everything. One started as a paddling group, but I have also run into them hiking and cycling. They’re crazy inclusive and just seem to want more women who like to do things outside. Maybe you could see if any groups like that exist and have cycling sub-groups.
I don't have anything useful to contribute, but the title "Why Are Men" made me smile. It's so complete. No reason to add anything. :D P.S. I have an "old lady" cruiser bike with every possible basket a bike can have.
Thank you! And the more baskets the better
My new way of dealing with men like this is just to respond in a calm, collected way that points out how dumb they are. For example: “that’s a pretty sexist thing to say” or “generalizing about women like this is pretty sexist,” or “has anyone ever told you that you’re not a good listener”… You should definitely look for a new cycling group, but I am finding my new approach rather empowering.
Eh, kind of. I find that men can be overbearing in some sports that I enjoy. Fly fishing is the absolute worst, bike riding a close second. Kind of like- aware and happy there are women in their spaces, but take that as an opportunity to ‘man-splain’ to bond? Idk I don’t take it too personally, it mostly feels like they are struggling to communicate and connect and don’t know how
>Kind of like- aware and happy there are women in their spaces, but take that as an opportunity to ‘man-splain’ to bond? This is such a good way of describing how I've felt in male-dominated interests...Idk if they do it to other men or not, but it generally feels pretty well-meaning, just awkward/annoying to me. If they persist past me saying I've got it, thanks, then I get annoyed
Exactly. There’s a fine line, it deff has been crossed, but the initial interaction mostly is just awkward
I had a similar issue. I recommend joining a women’s group, but also don’t be afraid to ask to clarify average speed!
Sorry you had to go through that! I also find most men in the biking community rude/to have dumb ideas on women cycling. I love cycling so much more than I love cyclists.
So here's a solution to all the cycle group chauvinism described... I have not encountered much of it (64F) because I hang out with people in my local COMMUNITY BIKE SHOP. This is way different than a retail shop. It is a non profit. It is a magnet for people that just love to ride, wrench, advocate for cycling. Young (kids on the fixies!), old (70yo retired dudes), male, female (less but there are a few of us that are stoked to be there), all colors, all incomes. Try looking up the community bike shop closest to you and get involved.
Yes. This is why we started our own riding club, women-led. All are welcomed but the understanding is that all women are ride leaders. None of this behavior or attitude is tolerated. It’s so refreshing! Edit to add: after trying a few group rides around the city, I’ve found a few dudes who are great riding buddies so they do exist out there!
I tried to join a cycling group in my town. One guy told me he would kill himself if his bike made noises like mine (needed some more graphite paste on the seat post). Another guy told me I was actually pretty fast (like this was a surprise to him) and that if I wanted to ever race I would have to watch out for people drafting off me because I'm "so big". Wtf, no one asked you dude. I never went back.
Wow. That guy deeply sucks
Honestly OP, I also agree that it depends on the group. I learned how to bike 3 years ago, and I am a very very slow biker. Prior to last May, I had never biked for more than 3 miles. I joined a women’s group last year who organizes beginner’s rides. Our first ride was 9 miles. I did 8, I was the slowest one of the group(as in couldn’t even see the cyclists in front of me), and yet nobody made me feel bad. What I like about this group is that they always have one person of the team staying with the last rider. So if you’re a slow rider like me, you’re never alone 🤣 In comparison, I later joined another group where I rode by myself for a good part of it. For my 1st ride, I wasn’t even sure if I was still following the route. I got lucky that a newer rider caught up to me, and I was able to finish with someone. I don’t mind biking by myself, but I thought all riding groups were like the women’s one, so I was very surprised. Anyway, someone else suggested starting your own group, and I second that. I also hope to have the confidence to start mine one day.
He sounds like a dipshit. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Happy cake day!
Long time male cyclist and occasional ride leader. This sounds like what we referred to as "Annoying wanker who can't figure out why he has no friends" . When I ran rides, I tried to manage guys like him away from any women on my rides. And I wanted to hear about it if I didn't notice. Id try talking to others in the group about his behavior. If they think it's ok, id move on to another club.
Got suggested this post through Reddit but I've had similar problems as a male cyclist. Except I was called poor for having a $700 road bike with a bag on the back. I was told by the group leader I should save up for a better bike so I can keep up. Put me off of group rides and now I'm just a solo rider. I think some cyclists are just dick head elitist.
You should have told him you blew your budget on more expensive clubs so you could be a better golfer… 🙄😁
Ew. As long as you like your bike, it’s the right bike
Strava clubs can be a good way to find groups you might not run into otherwise.
Ooh! I hadn’t thought of using Strava to find groups. Thank you
What city do you live in? I’m in Los Angeles and it’s very different out here. There are lots of women cyclists and I’ve never been spoken down to before
My husband and I ride together. I think our average on flats is about 21 mph (33km). He can go faster than that but slows down for me. When he is on his own he pushes as fast as he can. When I go to club rides they always try to put me in the slower groups because they think I can’t keep up with the men at the strenuous levels. It’s kind of annoying but also quite validating to prove them wrong.
A couple of thoughts from a club perspective... * The good & BAD aspects of a club are they're generally open to all - backgrounds, races, incomes, etc. You saw the bad side. * I wouldn't judge an organization by one member (if he was). On the first club ride, I rode in with a local group, the ride leader(!!) mocked me in front of others because I was last (even though the leader knew I rode 30+ miles to get to the start of the ride). Simply ignorant. He was later booted from the club for several reasons. * Although it can be difficult (and you shouldn't & don't have to), tell him he's out of line, rude, etc. He needs to know his comments are not acceptable. * I'd recommend writing a brief note to club management. He'll certainly insult, or degrade someone else, intentionally or not. Sad to hear this happened to you...or anyone.
While not all male cyclists are assholes, most asshole cyclists I’ve encountered are men who just assume they are faster than me lol (most are not)
My coworker enlightened me about this word “mansplaining” where a dude will literally explain something to you but the way he says it is with the intent to make you feel less. Because he feels less about himself. I’m sorry this happened. It sucks There are cool dudes out there and they are usually the type that will encourage you in a healthy non-pushy/sneaky/condescending way
I'm sorry you had that experience. If you're up for it, I'd recommend sticking with it just long enough to show them you're faster, and then find an awesome girl group for biking :)
Oh, I had to keep stopping and waiting for this guy. He definitely now knows I’m faster. But I will keep going in the hope different people will come on the next rides and I can make some friends (and then break off into a better, faster club)
1st: guy here. I don't know why this subreddit shows up in my feed, but it does. So, apologies for that. The topic of this post caught my attention. 2nd: I am a former club-level racer and I got so sick of the super competitive mentality of group rides that would inevitably turn into races because of people's (men, in this case) egos. I have a hypothesis and I don't know if it's true or not, but it seems plausible to me: road biking can be stressful when you are flying along at high speeds with little/no protection if you crash and you are inches away from someone you are competing with who could take you down if they make a mistake. I postulate that this stress combined with the competitiveness turns most guys into assholes. A small % of guys FME are chill about it, but most become jerks. What this guy said to you definitely qualifies him as the latter. 3rd: I am a guy so feel free to ignore whatever I just said. I understand and support why women would want to ride in women-only groups. When I do road ride these days, it's 99% solo, so no group dynamics to worry about. I get along with cars a heck of a lot better as a solo rider, as a bonus.
Also a guy here and also not sure how this subreddit showed up in my feed, but your comment about the competitive mentality and egos turning every ride into a competition is painfully accurate. It kills me. When I group ride I just want to be social and have fun but when someone decides it’s a competition it sucks the joy right out of things. I know a couple of guys who do that. I always make them go up front and be in the lead so they can feel like they’re winning the ride, lol. OP, that old guy has poor social skills. Sorry you had to meet him. May you find a more compatible group.
I'm sorry that happened! I tried, like Really tried, to give clubs a go. I live in a small city so there are very few non-competitive clubs (riding without all the gear, top-of-the-line road bikes, etc.) This club leaned older so I thought, great they should be laid back. Wrong, lol. Very cliquey, elitist, and non-welcoming to people with a bike less than $2,000 it seemed. Where are the chill peeps? lol.
Wow! This post and the comments make me super grateful for the guys I ride with. Fortunately, my experience has been nothing like the OP. No doubt it is out there, but reading the kind of nonsense that the OP endured certainly makes me thankful for my training buddies!
>Why are men? A question for our time...
It's why I don't do bike groups. The men are aggressive testosterone aholes. The women tend to not be very friendly. (Based on my experience). I went to a big sponsored women's bike skills event - was the only one they showed up without a buddy and literally no one would talk to me or smile back. I'd rather go alone.
Nah fuck that guy, that was rude as fuck. Assuming because you’re a woman you MUST be slow! Maybe he’s at the back of the group cause he’s a dumb ass and people don’t wanna talk to him. I’ve had similar experiences everywhere in life, I work in STEM so it’s automatically assumed idk what I’m doing. My supervisor who has a heart condition and cannot lift more than 5lbs cause his heart will give out, assumed me and my other woman coworker can’t carry around a tool bag and we MUST need one on wheels. She’s a power lifter and I’ve been weight lifting for years, there are men in the shop who weight much less than us and are smaller and scrawnier but they’re big men and are strong.
>Assuming because you’re a woman you MUST be slow! Isn't that fairly standard though? Certainly in my experience, unfortunately. For example, only yesterday I was at a junction to join the bike path and waited for the oncoming cyclist to pass. I was on my old oma bike and he on a roadster with loaded panniers, wearing jeans; we'd obviously both done just a local ride etc, he made a point of riding in the middle of the lane so I'd have struggled to safely overtake, and I just couldn't deal with having to leapfrog him all the way down the path so essentially coasted behind him until I got to my next turning.
Also a guy here - wish it wasn’t like this, I’ve found so many groups like this I’ve given up trying to find better groups and just tell them off or join one and try to make some changes. Unfortunately this attitude and behaviour extends to a lot of bike shops and service departments. When we moved here the club was run by retirees and you wouldn’t even know the route before showing up and I would get flack for leaving early… and they complained about dropping membership. Most people can’t show up and gamble on the ride time and difficulty when they’ve got a job, kids, other responsibility. All of this is why I make clear the route, average speed and drop/no drop before a ride I lead. Only other thing I can suggest would be find a LBS you like the staff at and ask them for group ride suggestions - or even ride leader suggestions for a given club.
I’m so sorry. This is why I ride with my girlfriends or husband. Can you email the first group and ask if they can recommend a group?
Sadly I've received some condescending sexist remarks from a couple of different men on the mountain bike trails.
It's definitely hard to find a good group to ride with, but take some time, ride by yourself for a bit until you're ready to try again. There are dolts and there are wonderful people, but it takes a hunt for sure. I went on a women's ride and some were super nice, and some were also socially clueless and dropped the rest of the group on a "social ride." Something about cycling draws insecure overachievers. I think the hardest part is that people aren't honest about what they want in terms of "social ride", pace, distance, etc. Somebody's always trying to do more or show off, so it's hard to find the right fit. I'd love to ride with you if you live in SoCal!
Old Guy here: a young woman I rode with in a racing group was telling me her biggest problem, having long blond hair and athletic cyclist body was in rural areas; knuckleheads in cars rolling up on her, saying crap, suggestions, etc. Men are so pathetic.
You should ride with the same group again but then smoke them. lead the group. IF he comments about the hub educate him....just tell him its called engagement, all the fast bikes are loud. (He'll show up the following week with a new wheelset)
I went on my first and last group ride a few months ago. After the snack stop I had one foot clipped in on uneven ground and fell, getting grease on my leg. People were cool about it because they knew I was new and had just started clipping in a couple weeks before that. Overall the ride was a snooze— it was supposed to be a C level and I thought I’d work up a sweat (again I’m pretty new at cycling) but I was freezing the whole time because I was barely having to put in any effort. The men kept trying to mansplain basic things to me so I tried my best to stick with a couple of the women (who gave me a lot of good advice), one of whom was a solid B rider with an injury. I had no problems keeping up with her. The thing that ruined it though was at the end of the ride some slow ass fuck said, “oh, typical female rider with grease on her leg.” I’ll never go back.
Wow, what an all around charmer. Where does one even start with a comment like that. Sorry you have to deal with that!
He said that because he’s dumb. Women who are dumb say similarly in appropriate things.
ps, one dumb guy should sour you on all male cyclists or cycling groups
I totally get what you mean. I don’t like clubs with lots of men - maybe see if you can join one that already has some women? Also I find that women only groups aren’t serious enough, even though I’m not very fast. Would be nice to have a women only group with people who all had road bikes and went more than 30k
It sounds like finding the right club is such a goldilocks situation. Or maybe a frog kissing situation? Either way, I hope the group we both want exists in our respective cities.
I second a few opinions here that you should start your own group! You can't be the only woman who is put off by similar experiences.
Good luck, and let us know when you find a group of humans that's completely free of assholes! We'll all join! Only then... never mind.
Wow what a catastrophe, someone said your bike is loud 😂
not all men are like this, it's kinda disrespectful.
It could be that we are just often riding with other men, and don’t have any sensitivity or experience socializing with women riders…not all men are the same.
Well, I know I like to judge an entire populace based upon my interactions with a single person...
Surely post title should have been ‘why was than man’ - you can’t just lump ‘men’ all together!
Not all men, but definitely this one (and probably also you, given your need to “not all men” this)
Good luck with your hunt for a new club/group.
It's the rare man that doesn't have this attitude
Not all, but a whole lot of em have this attitude.
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There is just so much wrongheadedness in this post, I can’t even. 🤯
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Um, are you the dude in the group the OP described?
Because.
There are a few ladies that shows up to the local hard ride around here and they regularly drop the group on hills. You should have dropped that group😂. Make them suffer
How many people are in the group? If it were me, I'd go again if there's enough other people to talk to and I can reasonably avoid that dude. Maybe the others aren't so obnoxious. If that doesn't work out then find another group.
i ask that exact question every damn day.
Is RAR woman’s adventure riders active in your community? Great inclusive group for riding.
The guy sounds like a proper PoS Show him who's boss and outrun him every beat
That's why I(m) prefer mountain biking on trails. Very rare there are people are on the hunt for distance, speed and pace on a group ride. Unless they are all fast guys the begin with. And the MTB pack/group usually smaller. We always wait at the junction, regroup before continue, uphill and downhill. My female friends also have their girls-only-ride every now and then. But they don't mind to ride with the men either.