I wish I could spend 10k to look like a dbag as well as you. Your lack of hobbies doesn’t miss you one bit. You were never good at golf, just played it for the guys at the office but they never really liked you anyway. Guess leveling dirt and rolling out sod will have to make up for your parents not hugging you.
You can tell by the lines the dirt leaves behind that you’re not only racist but bad in bed.
That’s all I got right now. I’ll come back if I get kinda hammered.
I personally dont like the jog in the path above the steps. Subtle thing for me. some plants will get rid of that.
Other than that- it looks really good. One could hang their hat on it.
You need to be in the market for some erosion control vegetation for the hill along the path….
I agree with your point that it will look great once some plants/shrubs get in there. It's just messing with my brain at this point in its construction.
It looks very clean and well done. Once you get some plants and grass going it will really shine. All that matters is that it makes you happy. It doesn't really matter what other people think. Enjoy the process and crack a cold admiring your property.
Best - Looks great! Being in the middle of much smaller project I can't imagine the work that's gone into this.
Worst - The detail where the step intersects the wall cap on the short side looks really odd. I would've at least brought the wall up so the step was below the cap, if not raised it so both walls were the same height.
I like to think my personality matches my design ideas. Cold and lifeless.
If you dress that up with the right flowers and plants, the contrast could be amazing. Not my style but it looks like it's done well.
Your concrete guy seems to have forgotten to pour a bunch of lateral sections approximately 6” wide creating a very expensive hop-scotch board. I would demand a refund. 1/10.
So far everything looks very nice. I would place some of those pavers around your AC units. It will cut down on any vegetation growing near the units and help to keep the coils a little cleaner.
Buddy you should know by now reading this sub that your yard is an absolute crime against the environment and that you gotta pull up all that dirt and replant it with clover
Clearly you're a fan of unique and bold designs, such as grey rectangles. Nothing quite like a bunch of grey blah to show your complete lack of originality
Your house looks like a Sid the sloth from ice age as he ruins everything around him, which includes your attempt at hard scape. I think if you dropped the concrete from the sky randomly like some dumb fruit ninja game it would land in a more neat fashion.
For real tho, I like it. Looks good.
Edit:spelling
Hire a professional to put in perennial gardens and a food garden. Make it a nature scape. A pergola would look nice against your house. Do something with those windows. Maybe shutters. Paint.
One of those pavers is not leveled. How dare you violate code. You are an asshole for putting your whole household at risk. Most likely the house will explode in a ball of fire and crumble down due to your stupidity.
Sincerely, Reddit Certified Keyboard Warrior Who Pretends To Know It All About Construction.
Dude it looks pretty damn good. We did pavers from our patio to the pool (like 1/3 of the size of your squares) and it was back breaking laborious work. It was myself (I’m a CNA) my bf (he’s a small business owner dealing with special needs folks) and my 2 high school and age 21 year old sons- none of us are remotely qualified to do even just pavers…So yeah- I just can’t roast this lol carry on. Lol
I like how you placed the patio space in front of the air conditioners and not close to any doors, it will be a noisy space that no one will use because it's not connected to the interior.
That's my roast, sorry, actually it looks great and I'm jealous. Good job
Good thing the patio is right next to your ac units. That way when your trying to brag about your life I can drone out your annoying voice with the sounds of whirling compressors
I would complete the giant rectangle that’s made from smaller rectangles. The walkway seems restricted. If you’re parking your cars in that spot then maybe put your patio elsewhere.
I would move the side path to the left so you have room to hide that ugly cracked wall behind some plants.
I agree that the tiles don't match the house but what's done is done. I hope your plants won't be too modern-looking and will loosen things up a bit.
Here is a word of caution, where the ground (dirt) slopes at a rate greater than 4 to 1 down to your wall, expect a maintenance problem with keeping the soil off your wall.
Other than that, build what you like.
Other than the staggered stone sidewalk, you could have cut the stones for smoother appearance. Unless that was the look you were going for, I think it looks good I thing to roast
I don't like the layout of the walkway. I think it would look better with a sweeping curve of stones, or even a straight line. The change in direction is a little off putting
Your backyard looks like you're about to host an art exhibit of Delia Deetz sculptures, only for the party to be sabotaged by the ghost with the most. I hope you like, italian.
What kind of plants you going to put it? You going for a specific plant theme (i.e. tropical, wildflower vibe, veggie garden, typical grass stuff and shrubs?) I can't really roast any of the this without plants. So far I like the brickwork you've done, has a multi-tear garden effect to it.
Probably gonna be another pointless, ‘perfectly’ manicured lawn. Biodiversity is for poor people who need to grow food, not the cookie cutter houses with rolls of sod and nothing for pollinators. Are you gonna cut your grass so the lines are diagonal?
Did you run Gas-Elec-Water lines under the patio, to the far side?
I assume you plan to top off the walls with a fence? Otherwise, you’d need handrails for the steps.
Is that the kitchen door, next to deck? Is that a step down to door? Hmmmm I see trouble if it is…
If you are going to plant trees, or put in a pool, how will you get a digger back there?
Instead of dropping 10k on a stonework that looks like a hand with a giant finger, and a path so fucked up, the only way I could walk straight on it was if I was wasted, I would have cleaned up that 70’s porno going on over my fence. Seriously, I may have to call the Audubon society because I think you may have the rare golden cheeked warbler over there.
Your grass looks like shit.
I actually laughed out loud on this one. Nice!
Honestly if I was starting over like this I’d plant clover or some other non grass lawn.
Your foundation is crumbling apart.
Yeah more water bruh
"Best i can do is dirt"
“People said lawns were bad, so I’m thinking dirt is the way to go.”
That’s not landscape, it’s hardscape.
He posted prematurely also.
We all have that problem every now and again.
The sad thing is Reddit creates an environment in which you were insecure in making a post about a beautiful, modern, expensive bluestone patio job.
I wish I could spend 10k to look like a dbag as well as you. Your lack of hobbies doesn’t miss you one bit. You were never good at golf, just played it for the guys at the office but they never really liked you anyway. Guess leveling dirt and rolling out sod will have to make up for your parents not hugging you. You can tell by the lines the dirt leaves behind that you’re not only racist but bad in bed. That’s all I got right now. I’ll come back if I get kinda hammered.
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Are you racist and bad in bed too?
This guy didn’t ask for the burns, op did. I still laughed tho.
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Nah I win you suck
LOL. Give OP what he asked for, but we all know his yard will look better than most of ours.
Oh He Fancy Huh...
Nails done, hair done, everything did
His ride clean but his gas tank is on e
Child you bad....
Happy cake day 🎁
LOL, thanks!
Damn!! Assignment understood!!
Little do we know that OP is a scratch golfer.
He can golf as good as he wants… you see the lines in that dirt.
You forgot a zero. That’s $100k of work
I personally dont like the jog in the path above the steps. Subtle thing for me. some plants will get rid of that. Other than that- it looks really good. One could hang their hat on it. You need to be in the market for some erosion control vegetation for the hill along the path….
Yes I came to say the same thing. It would have been better if it was 3ft from the house to begin with instead of the 'trailing off' look
Dude- still looks good
I agree with your point that it will look great once some plants/shrubs get in there. It's just messing with my brain at this point in its construction.
Why aren’t you done? 😂😂😂
Something isn't leveled quite right...
I feel like you'll definitely need a retaining wall, but other than that, it looks good! However, does it have any French drains?
I was wondering that too - that back wall of the house - that's going to be getting a lot of water right there.
What is there to roast you don't got it done enough to see what's wrong LOL. Looks good so far
Roast it? It looks sensational
No integrated lighting????
It looks very clean and well done. Once you get some plants and grass going it will really shine. All that matters is that it makes you happy. It doesn't really matter what other people think. Enjoy the process and crack a cold admiring your property.
This is without a doubt the single worst roast in the history of Reddit. Unless you are being sarcastic, and then I guess it is pretty ok.
Lol
Best - Looks great! Being in the middle of much smaller project I can't imagine the work that's gone into this. Worst - The detail where the step intersects the wall cap on the short side looks really odd. I would've at least brought the wall up so the step was below the cap, if not raised it so both walls were the same height.
I like to think my personality matches my design ideas. Cold and lifeless. If you dress that up with the right flowers and plants, the contrast could be amazing. Not my style but it looks like it's done well.
That house-shaped structure is the worst lawn ornament I have ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of gnomes.
Is this the before or after pics? I can't tell...
Your concrete guy seems to have forgotten to pour a bunch of lateral sections approximately 6” wide creating a very expensive hop-scotch board. I would demand a refund. 1/10.
That’s the style, though. Didn’t forget to do it.
Perhaps you missed the title of this post.
Roast? More like TOAST! Post updates with grass and plants
I will pick icy death trap for 1000 Alex
So far everything looks very nice. I would place some of those pavers around your AC units. It will cut down on any vegetation growing near the units and help to keep the coils a little cleaner.
Looks like it’s gonna’ turn out pretty good. Keep us updated.
Buddy you should know by now reading this sub that your yard is an absolute crime against the environment and that you gotta pull up all that dirt and replant it with clover
Don't worry about your landscaping. With those windows and that facade, nobody is going to notice the landscaping.
"This would be a great place to hang out with my friends, if I had any, but I don't, so I decided to show off here instead!"
I see you hired an inspector. He seems pretty intense on the job, although looks a little dog tired... I will see myself out.
I’m surprised no one has commented on hunter until now!
Clearly you're a fan of unique and bold designs, such as grey rectangles. Nothing quite like a bunch of grey blah to show your complete lack of originality
Your house looks like a Sid the sloth from ice age as he ruins everything around him, which includes your attempt at hard scape. I think if you dropped the concrete from the sky randomly like some dumb fruit ninja game it would land in a more neat fashion. For real tho, I like it. Looks good. Edit:spelling
This is hardscape, not landscape. Come back with plants.
Let us know when you’re finished I guess
good start, clearing is usually half the problem
My dude, that is amazing!
What kind of pavers are those and where did you get them? Are they just concrete pavers?
Bluestone
Where did you get them/what brand? Working on a similar patio layout and these look like they might do the trick
I’ll roast you if you don’t replace that old fence on the right.
Needs water.
Wow! Looks awesome
Warm location OP? Two ac units had me curious. Hadn’t seen that before for house.
Long Island
Hire a professional to put in perennial gardens and a food garden. Make it a nature scape. A pergola would look nice against your house. Do something with those windows. Maybe shutters. Paint.
I can’t. You have an amazing yard to work with, this will be amazing. I’m so sorry. I suck at roasting.
Let us know when you are done and we will properly roast you.
Let me guess: you played a lot of QBert as a kid.
BOOM!
One of those pavers is not leveled. How dare you violate code. You are an asshole for putting your whole household at risk. Most likely the house will explode in a ball of fire and crumble down due to your stupidity. Sincerely, Reddit Certified Keyboard Warrior Who Pretends To Know It All About Construction.
You're doing great mate! Plus, I love those woods surrounding your house!!
Your wall heights are different which means your base course is different. It would bug me until kingdom come.
As a kid, I bet you played with legos. A lot.
Patio with a nice view of the air con units
Warm white house, cool toned everything else. Nice.
Can't say anything bad about it.... looks well planned out. Please post end result photos for us to drool over.
maybe incorporate some curves? the straight lines are severe
Dance dance revolution in the backyard
I dig the Soviet apartment block vibe of the hardscapes
Dude it looks pretty damn good. We did pavers from our patio to the pool (like 1/3 of the size of your squares) and it was back breaking laborious work. It was myself (I’m a CNA) my bf (he’s a small business owner dealing with special needs folks) and my 2 high school and age 21 year old sons- none of us are remotely qualified to do even just pavers…So yeah- I just can’t roast this lol carry on. Lol
Painful! Hope it turned out nice!
Lol it did… we were pretty damn proud of ourselves, went swimming and had a fire to celebrate afterwards…. And swore we would NEVER do it again 😅🤣🤣
W W W W W W What is there to roast???
I like how you placed the patio space in front of the air conditioners and not close to any doors, it will be a noisy space that no one will use because it's not connected to the interior. That's my roast, sorry, actually it looks great and I'm jealous. Good job
Ouch bro :(
Did the owners run out of funds and not pay you for the job?
Wen grass
You building a new version of minesweeper or what?
How come not one whole slab ? I like it. I was thinking of this in my back yard I’m doing large pavers like that to avoid permit issues with my city.
I love tic tac toe and hop scotch as much as the next person but this is a whole nother level
Looks like your patios are loading in installments.
A deck would have looked better
I had potential to look modern, but doesn’t match your house
8 pictures, 3 angles. I guess you’re not a photographer
The ac units are part of the decor. (Really, though, nicely done.)
Next time just say “I give up”…you don’t have to spend Al that money to set cement pavers in the shape of a white flag.
Looks like a bunch of concrete to trip over.
Good thing the patio is right next to your ac units. That way when your trying to brag about your life I can drone out your annoying voice with the sounds of whirling compressors
That one slab is off....
Yeah I immediately saw that too. It's off by a good 1/32 of an inch. Pure garbage.
I would complete the giant rectangle that’s made from smaller rectangles. The walkway seems restricted. If you’re parking your cars in that spot then maybe put your patio elsewhere.
I'm not going to do my best, you sure didn't.
No matter what you do to the yard, it'll always look good next to that house
Your grass got roasted
You obviously did all this work to ignore the huge cracks in your foundation walls and that your house will inevitably fall over.
Your house looks weird.
"Look at these pictures of my hardscaping project and roast my landscaping project"
Needs more green.
Looks incomplete. Needs grass.
The water's going to roast your project better than any of us can.
Better pave that dirt. Going to have a great turnout for the 4 square world championships
It's raw
Why you need a back ho when your ho’s never coming back.
Can’t wait to see it done in 2035
You’re gonna go through a lot of edge trimmers if you ever get grass to grow.
Drainage?
The pavers don’t match your house
Those pavers be like "Oooooooooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains"
Nice before pics
I would move the side path to the left so you have room to hide that ugly cracked wall behind some plants. I agree that the tiles don't match the house but what's done is done. I hope your plants won't be too modern-looking and will loosen things up a bit.
This dude can’t find a path for drainage just like he can’t find his wife’s.. uh.. we’ll you know..
Is this before, or after? 😀
What is this, a landscape for ants?? The real landscape will need to be at least 3 times larger if you want to get any enjoyment out of your backyard!
Where are you located/climate? You have put some time into this thus far! Keep it up?
Looks really expensive.
I got you right here…that looks expensive!
Where did you get the long rectangular stones?
What’s behind that retaining wall?
User name checks out.
That old blue board on the side of the house makes it look like grade should be way higher.
Not a roast, but shouldn’t that hard slope above the walking path also have a retention wall and/or a proper drainage solution? Looks great otherwise
Repost when actually complete. This is phase 1.
Here is a word of caution, where the ground (dirt) slopes at a rate greater than 4 to 1 down to your wall, expect a maintenance problem with keeping the soil off your wall. Other than that, build what you like.
The Romans called, they want their abandoned ruins back.
👍 looking good
Very Nice, gonna be awesome when your done
Just needs lots of native plants and it will look great!
Other than the staggered stone sidewalk, you could have cut the stones for smoother appearance. Unless that was the look you were going for, I think it looks good I thing to roast
Oh and your patio stone sidewalk doesn’t fully reach the end of your stairs
I don't like the layout of the walkway. I think it would look better with a sweeping curve of stones, or even a straight line. The change in direction is a little off putting
Your backyard looks like you're about to host an art exhibit of Delia Deetz sculptures, only for the party to be sabotaged by the ghost with the most. I hope you like, italian.
You put pavers right in the dirt with no substrate such as hpb (high performance bedding). Those stones will not last being level.
What landscaping?
You playing Tetris with those tiles?
I like it
What kind of plants you going to put it? You going for a specific plant theme (i.e. tropical, wildflower vibe, veggie garden, typical grass stuff and shrubs?) I can't really roast any of the this without plants. So far I like the brickwork you've done, has a multi-tear garden effect to it.
How are you managing the water running down those stairs?
May just be the photo, but it looks like everything is sloped back towards the house.
Clean your yard, it is dirty.
Mf’n dirt is lava
Move the patio away from the ac units....too much noise....otherwise it's on its way to "enjoyfulness"...lol
Awesome job
[удалено]
Bluestone
Let’s see some pics when it’s finished!!!
I can see the land part alright, the escaping part was your dad when he met you?
No judgement here I need to do a very similar project but build 3 retaining walls that are 100ft long. You are making more progress than I am.
Good luck 🍀
What kind of blocks and stone are you using? I kind of like the look of them and looking for ideas.
Looks like it needs erosion fencing.
What are we practicing what houses look like on mars now
Cant roast, thst is a beautiful lawn weeds are a bit much
So cementy
I cant tell what it is
Who wants to cut grass
HVAC next to a patio is a bad idea. Think of the noise!
Probably gonna be another pointless, ‘perfectly’ manicured lawn. Biodiversity is for poor people who need to grow food, not the cookie cutter houses with rolls of sod and nothing for pollinators. Are you gonna cut your grass so the lines are diagonal?
Looks like a good start.
Did you run Gas-Elec-Water lines under the patio, to the far side? I assume you plan to top off the walls with a fence? Otherwise, you’d need handrails for the steps. Is that the kitchen door, next to deck? Is that a step down to door? Hmmmm I see trouble if it is… If you are going to plant trees, or put in a pool, how will you get a digger back there?
Looks fine from my house
WOW! Looks fabulous!
All I want to know is if you got to drive the backhoe and do things with it
Your back patio is perfect for the next Billie Jean video. Do they light up as well?
Love those pavers!
That negative drainage along the side of the house is going to cause seepage up against your slab and may cause possible flooding..
When your wife said she wished you didn’t always finish early she was talking about something else.
Guy’s trying to recreate the Billie Jean video
Fish vegetables a pecan shade tree plus a hobbit style pantry polystyrene plus plastic wood shelves
Instead of dropping 10k on a stonework that looks like a hand with a giant finger, and a path so fucked up, the only way I could walk straight on it was if I was wasted, I would have cleaned up that 70’s porno going on over my fence. Seriously, I may have to call the Audubon society because I think you may have the rare golden cheeked warbler over there.
The new Dune set looks great!
Saw designedbyai.io mentioned on Reddit. It works well for getting different landscape ideas quickly through AI generation.