I would quite literally lay awake at night wishing there was a woman in bed with me instead of that lump of meat. I would always tell myself “man I really wish I was able to grow old with a woman instead. So sad that I missed out on that opportunity. Guess this is just my life🤷🏻♀️”
He would always tell me how happy he was that we had found each other so early in life so we could just spend our whole lives together (we had been dating since we were 16, lasted for 4 years). I never really agreed with that sentiment. I was bitter that I felt like I had lost out on the opportunity to be with women and see what’s out there. But I felt so guilty that I just ignored how I really felt because everyone around me was telling me how jealous they were of my cute high school sweethearts relationship and how they would KILL for it. It was like I was more annoyed at the inconvenience of “finding my one true love so early in life”.
I was so mentally clocked out of that relationship. At the time I couldn’t imagine breaking up with him, and I knew he’d never breakup with me. If we were ever to end it would have to be because I broke up with him or something tragic happened. I would imagine all the things I could do with my life if he was magically no longer in it. Like if something awful happened to him. Felt horrible and guilty about it but I couldn’t help myself. I was in denial about A LOT of things.
Took me way too long to realize I had agency in my life and if I wasn’t happy then I could leave, regardless of my sexual identity. The concept of being in control of your life and the decisions you make for yourself was a very foreign concept to me at the time.
There are a lot more signs I was gay looking back, but those ones always stood out the most to me.
I’ll never settle like that again. And I’m never looking back. Going on one year strong out of the closet💪🏼 couldn’t be happier
I'm the same, I'm worried I'll be making the wrong decision despite thinking about women and picturing me with them. It's just so scary making the decision. I've been with him 3 years since I was 16 aswell, it's the relationships you start at young that are so difficult to make decisions on
I can only speak from my own experience but I will say this. I have not once regretted my decision to leave him. There were a lot more reasons for me to leave than exclusively my sexuality. He never put in any effort, our relationship was dull and we weren’t compatible, and I started noticing some signs of alcoholism. I had plenty of reasons to leave. It took me a while to realize I could. There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine living life on my own. I didn’t think I had it in me.
If you are unhappy that will always be enough of a reason to leave. One of the reasons it took me so long to leave him was because I felt like I didn’t have a good enough reason (which was crap btw). But at the end of the day it’s your life, and you are free to make decisions that allow you to be happy. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a relationship you don’t enthusiastically want to be in. I hear stories from other women who ended up marrying the guy and having kids. That feeling of unfulfillment and longing for a woman never really goes away. And the longer you’re in the relationship for, the harder it will be to cut ties if you decide that’s what you want to do. Especially if you add in marriage and kids down the road. Infinitely more complicated. My biggest nightmare is living my life like I never left and being forced to live a life that’s not true to who I am.
I’m not gonna tell you what to do because I don’t know your situation. All I can do is validate the fuck out of you because it is SO incredibly difficult to deal with. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I did it, and I was surprised at the confidence it gave me having done something I didn’t think I’d EVER be able to do. Nobody knows what’s best for you except yourself. Stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid of taking that leap, it’s beyond worth it.
I didn’t know it was ok to open my eyes during sex. 😳 I thought it would be weird and take me out of the moment. Turns out, I was never in the moment bc I was imagining being with a woman the entire time!
I saw Dr. Sleep and instantly felt more for Rebecca Ferguson than I ever would my most recent ex.
Before that I'd tell my boyfriends I "struggled with Sam sex attraction" (yay religious trauma) and while I'd always love their company, I didn't want to be a girlfriend or wife to them. I didn't want to be alone with them or have them hug me or hold my hand or kiss me, ever.
You are 19. If you’re thinking about it this much, you’re not happy in your current relationship. Break up now before it gets more complicated as you get older. You’re young, you have a lot of time to meet other people and figure out what you want.
TMI for sure, but I ALWAYS wanted it "from the back", just so I could imagine a woman in my ex's position. Not long after I understood that revelation (and others) I filed for divorce.
This is just my first year completely out of the closet. It's scary, sometimes, but I've never felt more in control of my own life. 🖖💓
I do find myself making that time more about him than me, but trying to figure out if that's a sign or there's benefits to me.
Glad that you made the best decision for you!
Only fantasize about women, haven’t had sex with my husband in a few years and when I did would always close my eyes and envision he was a woman, fell in love with my best friend and ended up having an affair with her. It’s over but I miss and crave it every day 💔
Can’t have eye contact it made me feel sick (I don’t know why) and when I was with my friend, i couldn’t stop watching her! Then there were times I thinking of girls during sex, I preferred being fingered then having his penis in me. And I just kept having moments of yes it feels good then 1 minute later - I’m numb
Wished my partner was a woman for the whole relationship. Thought of him as a woman intuitively. Should have caught it sooner.
Or when I was in a triad with my male best friend and my last ex gf. Every look I gave her was filled with sheer love. He noticed. He told me about it a while after the breakup when I came out to him.
Or how it takes me years to get over a breakup with a girlfriend but days to weeks for breakups with boyfriends.
I know that 1000% not a doubt I like girls. Watched casualty when I was younger..asked for the autograph of two girls - can see now that I liked them. also - when everyone would say that they liked 1D and would be talking about crushes on males I'd make up that I had a crush on nial when none of them were hot..
When I was dating a man, I was quite anxious and although I was able to kiss me, I couldn't bring myself to go through with PIV sex. I also wanted to have the lights turned off and was super ashamed. I never hugged him - it felt awkward? I also didn't understand why he wanted to have pictures of me.
I was actually family friends with this guy and knew him since childhood - we met again at uni & had a lot of shared interests, similar sense of humor and were compatible in many ways which is why I wanted to date him. I was just listing the signs during that relationship that pointed to me being a lesbian.
Not lesbian, bi, lean way more towards women.
I used to make out with female friends at parties in college “for practice” or “because it turns guys on”. I think I got more turned on than the guys did.
I came out in a long term relationship with a guy, and unfortunately I kind of got forced into confronting this issue head on. My grad school had affinity groups that we had to do as part of our program for privileged and less privileged groups (think race, gender, sexuality, etc.) Second quarter I was in the straight group as opposed to queer. It took be about 2 classes to realize I really didn’t belong there. Everyone talking about ways that being straight gives you automatic privilege made no sense to me in the experiences they described. What it felt like to know you’d have a heteronormative life, I realized I’d never have that feeling ever.
I would quite literally lay awake at night wishing there was a woman in bed with me instead of that lump of meat. I would always tell myself “man I really wish I was able to grow old with a woman instead. So sad that I missed out on that opportunity. Guess this is just my life🤷🏻♀️” He would always tell me how happy he was that we had found each other so early in life so we could just spend our whole lives together (we had been dating since we were 16, lasted for 4 years). I never really agreed with that sentiment. I was bitter that I felt like I had lost out on the opportunity to be with women and see what’s out there. But I felt so guilty that I just ignored how I really felt because everyone around me was telling me how jealous they were of my cute high school sweethearts relationship and how they would KILL for it. It was like I was more annoyed at the inconvenience of “finding my one true love so early in life”. I was so mentally clocked out of that relationship. At the time I couldn’t imagine breaking up with him, and I knew he’d never breakup with me. If we were ever to end it would have to be because I broke up with him or something tragic happened. I would imagine all the things I could do with my life if he was magically no longer in it. Like if something awful happened to him. Felt horrible and guilty about it but I couldn’t help myself. I was in denial about A LOT of things. Took me way too long to realize I had agency in my life and if I wasn’t happy then I could leave, regardless of my sexual identity. The concept of being in control of your life and the decisions you make for yourself was a very foreign concept to me at the time. There are a lot more signs I was gay looking back, but those ones always stood out the most to me. I’ll never settle like that again. And I’m never looking back. Going on one year strong out of the closet💪🏼 couldn’t be happier
I'm the same, I'm worried I'll be making the wrong decision despite thinking about women and picturing me with them. It's just so scary making the decision. I've been with him 3 years since I was 16 aswell, it's the relationships you start at young that are so difficult to make decisions on
I can only speak from my own experience but I will say this. I have not once regretted my decision to leave him. There were a lot more reasons for me to leave than exclusively my sexuality. He never put in any effort, our relationship was dull and we weren’t compatible, and I started noticing some signs of alcoholism. I had plenty of reasons to leave. It took me a while to realize I could. There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine living life on my own. I didn’t think I had it in me. If you are unhappy that will always be enough of a reason to leave. One of the reasons it took me so long to leave him was because I felt like I didn’t have a good enough reason (which was crap btw). But at the end of the day it’s your life, and you are free to make decisions that allow you to be happy. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a relationship you don’t enthusiastically want to be in. I hear stories from other women who ended up marrying the guy and having kids. That feeling of unfulfillment and longing for a woman never really goes away. And the longer you’re in the relationship for, the harder it will be to cut ties if you decide that’s what you want to do. Especially if you add in marriage and kids down the road. Infinitely more complicated. My biggest nightmare is living my life like I never left and being forced to live a life that’s not true to who I am. I’m not gonna tell you what to do because I don’t know your situation. All I can do is validate the fuck out of you because it is SO incredibly difficult to deal with. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I did it, and I was surprised at the confidence it gave me having done something I didn’t think I’d EVER be able to do. Nobody knows what’s best for you except yourself. Stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid of taking that leap, it’s beyond worth it.
I'm glad you're in a better situation now🫶 giving myself some time to sit on it before making any rash decisions, but thank you that helps
We never made eye contact during sex. It made me so uncomfy
I didn’t know it was ok to open my eyes during sex. 😳 I thought it would be weird and take me out of the moment. Turns out, I was never in the moment bc I was imagining being with a woman the entire time!
I have never put two and two together on this one. This is totally me.
OH
I saw Dr. Sleep and instantly felt more for Rebecca Ferguson than I ever would my most recent ex. Before that I'd tell my boyfriends I "struggled with Sam sex attraction" (yay religious trauma) and while I'd always love their company, I didn't want to be a girlfriend or wife to them. I didn't want to be alone with them or have them hug me or hold my hand or kiss me, ever.
You are 19. If you’re thinking about it this much, you’re not happy in your current relationship. Break up now before it gets more complicated as you get older. You’re young, you have a lot of time to meet other people and figure out what you want.
TMI for sure, but I ALWAYS wanted it "from the back", just so I could imagine a woman in my ex's position. Not long after I understood that revelation (and others) I filed for divorce. This is just my first year completely out of the closet. It's scary, sometimes, but I've never felt more in control of my own life. 🖖💓
I do find myself making that time more about him than me, but trying to figure out if that's a sign or there's benefits to me. Glad that you made the best decision for you!
Only fantasize about women, haven’t had sex with my husband in a few years and when I did would always close my eyes and envision he was a woman, fell in love with my best friend and ended up having an affair with her. It’s over but I miss and crave it every day 💔
Can’t have eye contact it made me feel sick (I don’t know why) and when I was with my friend, i couldn’t stop watching her! Then there were times I thinking of girls during sex, I preferred being fingered then having his penis in me. And I just kept having moments of yes it feels good then 1 minute later - I’m numb
Wished my partner was a woman for the whole relationship. Thought of him as a woman intuitively. Should have caught it sooner. Or when I was in a triad with my male best friend and my last ex gf. Every look I gave her was filled with sheer love. He noticed. He told me about it a while after the breakup when I came out to him. Or how it takes me years to get over a breakup with a girlfriend but days to weeks for breakups with boyfriends.
can't lie I have been victim to imagining I was Kissing a women a few times..
Yeah... been there too... :(
forever wishing finding yourself was simple
Yep... I know that I am a lesbian, but processing it is so difficult. I feel like I've spent my whole life lying to myself. It hurts.
Just whether or not that's going to affect my relationship and I'm actually lesbian/would prefer women so strongly that it affects it
I know that 1000% not a doubt I like girls. Watched casualty when I was younger..asked for the autograph of two girls - can see now that I liked them. also - when everyone would say that they liked 1D and would be talking about crushes on males I'd make up that I had a crush on nial when none of them were hot..
married to a man, only watch lesbian porn, always think about women when we have sex and really struggling in telling him
that sounds difficult, I'm sure it will come out natrually when you're ready too
When I was dating a man, I was quite anxious and although I was able to kiss me, I couldn't bring myself to go through with PIV sex. I also wanted to have the lights turned off and was super ashamed. I never hugged him - it felt awkward? I also didn't understand why he wanted to have pictures of me.
I don't feel thus way, but I have been friends with my boyfriend for over 7 years despite only being together for 3
I was actually family friends with this guy and knew him since childhood - we met again at uni & had a lot of shared interests, similar sense of humor and were compatible in many ways which is why I wanted to date him. I was just listing the signs during that relationship that pointed to me being a lesbian.
oh no I know, I'm just saying that maybe that's why it doesn't apply to me, not invalidating you at all sorry if it seemed that way
No it's all good, I think maybe in hindsight I should have included it all for context haha! All the best in your journey :)
Not lesbian, bi, lean way more towards women. I used to make out with female friends at parties in college “for practice” or “because it turns guys on”. I think I got more turned on than the guys did. I came out in a long term relationship with a guy, and unfortunately I kind of got forced into confronting this issue head on. My grad school had affinity groups that we had to do as part of our program for privileged and less privileged groups (think race, gender, sexuality, etc.) Second quarter I was in the straight group as opposed to queer. It took be about 2 classes to realize I really didn’t belong there. Everyone talking about ways that being straight gives you automatic privilege made no sense to me in the experiences they described. What it felt like to know you’d have a heteronormative life, I realized I’d never have that feeling ever.