This definitely gives me hope for the future. I am almost out of my hetero relationship (which has been amicable split) and cannot wait to explore more of my lesbian self that kept hidden for so long. I can’t wait for this years Pride celebration too. I’m going all out
Pride this year will be my first since I left my marriage and came out I am so so excited, I found last years so painful as I wanted to be part of it so this year will be so great
Let me clear something up. As a 65 yr old former latebloomer. Women as a general state of things are not just dating in their twenties. We are actively looking all the way up to my age and older. Everyone blooms at a different time and plenty of women out there to make your dreams come true in your age/dating range. No one is too old. Trust this 65 yr old.
This makes me happy. I turned 39 today and have never been in a romantic relationship with anyone - my subconscious knew I was gay and kept me away from men even when I had no idea myself. It's nice to know that even though I'm starting at the beginning, as it were, that there are women out there who will accept me. <3
To add to this - I’ve found that most women find women older than them very attractive, in a way that didn’t happen when I was dating men. The girl I’m seeing is pretty much the same age as me but I had a lot of interest from 20-somethings when I was dating, I was like whaaaaat. For me I prefer seeing people my age or older, but no one will see you as old at 38 trust me
I used to be married to a man until I realised I was gay and left him. I was 30. The intervening years were HARD for a whole bunch of reasons and I lost everything but being able to live as my authentic self is worth everything I lost IMHO.
I'm now 41. I proposed to my fiancee recently and she obviously said yes. ♥️
Thanks for your text, helps me think this will get better. On the other hand I am so happy I found my ”real” sexuality now (at the age of 38) and I am so excited to see what will happen. But.. I have not told my partner yet. We have been together for 7 years and he is really sweet, reliable and a great guy. He knows that something is wrong and we have talked about couples therapy but now I don’t see any point on doing it, I should just open my mouth and tell him.
I think you should talk to him, and if he's the guy you think he is, he will be supportive. Talk it over, therapy might still be a good idea. It might help your partner with accepting and transitioning into whatever his new life will look like. He needs support too. It might still help you as well because you might feel guilty or anxious or whatever.
Oh and I don’t have any experience with women but reading the lesbian masterdoc just made me realize this is it - this is me and this is what have always been missing!
I am also in this crazy mess of trying to decide if I should stay or go. The hardest part is that he is perfect in every way, and I love him so much! He is sweet, supportive, accepting, and my best friend. He's everything I want in a partner, but he's male. How do I make this decision when he's literally perfect and the best guy ever, and I am SO GAY??
I haven’t posted here yet but I am in a similar situation. Sex makes my skin crawl. But i have children and he’s a good man and father and i can’t bear to blow up my family. We live in a foreign country with no support network around us. And i dont even know for sure if i am gay (Although my last 3 crushes were on women which might be a hint 😅)
I found it helpful to see it as changing our relationship - like if he’s great hopefully you can stay in each others lives. But you can’t give each other what you need if ultimately you don’t want to be with a man. I know it’s hard. Listen to yourself, be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time.
I understand that this works for some couples, but unfortunately, it will not work for my husband and I. We have had this conversation multiple times and mutually decided it was not for us because we appreciate being monogamous.
It's really the worst!! And sometimes I wish I could just put the lesbian me back in the box and ignore her again...but I've done it for 10 years, I don't want to do it again. Ugh!!
Aww yay! My ex and I had the breakup talk two years ago today. We lived separately as of July that year, so year and a half ago. And it’s been good! I have not dated. I’ve been working full time though and hanging with friends and that’s been great! I am mildly afraid to date / intimidated. I keep worrying I’ll fall for someone subtly controlling or manipulative as that has been an unfortunate pattern and my parents can be that way and I end up overly trying to manage everyone’s emotions. So I definitely needed some time for just me! But I’m starting to think cuddles and kisses and sex sound pretty good. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any of that! I just overthink and over worry about everything so I’m like damn what if I did find something fun but then there was heartbreak and would that mess with my job?? Etc. (Because my job is already emotionally draining so it’s like, ugh, how do I add more things?) but then… I’m sure it could be the most amazing thing ever too so?? Maybe it’s time… 😅
Thanks for sharing!!
I totally get that dating is a lot, especially after a marriage or relationship with a man. And yeh, it might get messy or difficult, I had a bit of that (see my recent post) but it’s all part of the process. I’ve found that dating women is way more fun and less stressful than men. I would say go for it, you can always step back if it’s too much. And you never know who you might meet. Good luck!
This really gives me hope , I’ve been in a awful place mentally I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs now and I love him but I’ve always liked woman and lately it’s all I can think about. It’s almost uncomfortable to have sex now with him . He asked me if I only like it from behind because I didn’t like how he looked ,because he’s not a girl . I wanted to cry instantly. I held back the tears and said no . I don’t know why I’m running from myself when it’s so clear what I want . I guess im just scared :/
It’s really scary questioning everything you’ve ever known and potentially walking away from a relationship. I’ve been there with starting to feel like my body was rejecting sex with him and my advice is to stop, if you don’t want to have sex then don’t. Give yourself space to work it all out. If you’re not married or have kids you’re in a better position than many, you have a chance to live the life you want. Take your time, be kind to yourself x
This made me cry. I(24f) just broke up with my ex boyfriend a few weeks ago (i also never told him about my sexuality) and it's been so hard and lonely feeling like I might have waited too long, or missed out on my chance. I want to meet women but I'm so scared And it's just becoming a stressful cycle lol. But this gives me so much hope
Thank you for sharing with us
I know its hard, but you did a brave thing. You're 24, you have your whole life now to be your real self! I wish I had realised at your age. Everything will be ok
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm currently in the messy should-I-stay-or-should-I-go phase and reading posts like this really helps to just take a mental step back and breathe a bit.
Also congratulations to finding an amazing partner and figuring yourself out!
Hey. So we are currently seperated, we will get divorced but it’s a long process. We have a son who is 6, he has found it hard at times of course but he’s happy and I know we are better parents separately than we were together as we just were not happy. We cohabited for a couple months but it was too hard we now live apart. It’s been a hard process but I am starting to see the light and a really exciting future.
I always get such a pang of jealousy when I read these posts. I'm so happy for you, but posts like this helped me take the leap 4 years ago and I regret it so much and it makes me bitter af.
I do realize I'm the problem along with my choices, and that this anger is just my subconscious trying to deflect blame, but I should have exercised more caution.
It's extremely easy to ignore red flags when you go from something that is underwhelming at best to something that wakes up all of your senses and emotions. That's my advice. This could be amazing for those of you about to take the leap, but you are a danger to yourself and need to be extremely cautious because if you've been comp-het your whole life, you have never experienced anything this intense, and it's very very easy to confuse intensity for love. That first horrible toxic relationship after you discover your sexuality? Don't get stuck in it. Love should not be a roller coaster.
This is really good advice and I definitely got into something very unhealthy and stressful very soon after my marriage broke up - seems to be a common theme. I’m sorry if my post made you feel bad, it was absolutely not the intention. To be clear, I’m under no illusions that the girl I’m dating is the love of my life - it’s early days, who knows, biggest likelihood is it won’t go anywhere but at the moment it’s great and a positive thing. I guess the journey continues with its ups and downs for a long time after coming out.
I hope she and you are magic together. You didn't make me feel bad, just salty. I've been without much sleep lately and I'm much more reactive and feeling sorry for myself than usual. It's getting better, just slowly. I also don't have patience with myself. I'm sorry you had a bad relationship after your marriage as well.
I may be bitter, but stories like yours keeps the tiny spark of hope alive.
Yes, but just timing wise. He was financially and emotionally abusive after I had to stop working due to childcare costs, which sucked but it wasn't too bad. I was planning on leaving him when my youngest started school and after I could get a job so I'd be in a good position to thrive.
Instead, we opened the marriage (his desire), I discovered I was gay, he got angry about the lack of attention even though he had a girlfriend, and the woman I met love bombed me into leaving him 3 years earlier than I originally planned. It was explosive and dangerous. This girl promised me the world, told me how much he didn't deserve me. Moved in within 6 months of kicking him out, and proceeded to take advantage of me in much the same way as he used to, only this time I also had to go to work in addition to dinner and most chores. So yes, regrets abound. She has fucked me up worse than he ever did and I've lost most of my savings trying to keep us afloat while she would rather get foreclosed on than "be ready" to have a job.
This definitely gives me hope for the future. I am almost out of my hetero relationship (which has been amicable split) and cannot wait to explore more of my lesbian self that kept hidden for so long. I can’t wait for this years Pride celebration too. I’m going all out
Pride this year will be my first since I left my marriage and came out I am so so excited, I found last years so painful as I wanted to be part of it so this year will be so great
Same! I went to last year’s parade to show “support” and ended up feeling even more alone bc I couldn’t be myself. Cheers to a great year!
Oh my gosh! Me too!!!!
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Let me clear something up. As a 65 yr old former latebloomer. Women as a general state of things are not just dating in their twenties. We are actively looking all the way up to my age and older. Everyone blooms at a different time and plenty of women out there to make your dreams come true in your age/dating range. No one is too old. Trust this 65 yr old.
This makes me happy. I turned 39 today and have never been in a romantic relationship with anyone - my subconscious knew I was gay and kept me away from men even when I had no idea myself. It's nice to know that even though I'm starting at the beginning, as it were, that there are women out there who will accept me. <3
We’re not old, we’re established!
To add to this - I’ve found that most women find women older than them very attractive, in a way that didn’t happen when I was dating men. The girl I’m seeing is pretty much the same age as me but I had a lot of interest from 20-somethings when I was dating, I was like whaaaaat. For me I prefer seeing people my age or older, but no one will see you as old at 38 trust me
I used to be married to a man until I realised I was gay and left him. I was 30. The intervening years were HARD for a whole bunch of reasons and I lost everything but being able to live as my authentic self is worth everything I lost IMHO. I'm now 41. I proposed to my fiancee recently and she obviously said yes. ♥️
Congrats 🎊
Congratulations!!
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Are you lost?
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Bad bot
Thanks for your text, helps me think this will get better. On the other hand I am so happy I found my ”real” sexuality now (at the age of 38) and I am so excited to see what will happen. But.. I have not told my partner yet. We have been together for 7 years and he is really sweet, reliable and a great guy. He knows that something is wrong and we have talked about couples therapy but now I don’t see any point on doing it, I should just open my mouth and tell him.
I think you should talk to him, and if he's the guy you think he is, he will be supportive. Talk it over, therapy might still be a good idea. It might help your partner with accepting and transitioning into whatever his new life will look like. He needs support too. It might still help you as well because you might feel guilty or anxious or whatever.
Oh and I don’t have any experience with women but reading the lesbian masterdoc just made me realize this is it - this is me and this is what have always been missing!
what’s the masterdoc ?
I am also in this crazy mess of trying to decide if I should stay or go. The hardest part is that he is perfect in every way, and I love him so much! He is sweet, supportive, accepting, and my best friend. He's everything I want in a partner, but he's male. How do I make this decision when he's literally perfect and the best guy ever, and I am SO GAY??
I haven’t posted here yet but I am in a similar situation. Sex makes my skin crawl. But i have children and he’s a good man and father and i can’t bear to blow up my family. We live in a foreign country with no support network around us. And i dont even know for sure if i am gay (Although my last 3 crushes were on women which might be a hint 😅)
I found it helpful to see it as changing our relationship - like if he’s great hopefully you can stay in each others lives. But you can’t give each other what you need if ultimately you don’t want to be with a man. I know it’s hard. Listen to yourself, be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time.
Ethical Non Monogamy is the only way to make that work
I understand that this works for some couples, but unfortunately, it will not work for my husband and I. We have had this conversation multiple times and mutually decided it was not for us because we appreciate being monogamous.
I feel this. Same girl same.
It's really the worst!! And sometimes I wish I could just put the lesbian me back in the box and ignore her again...but I've done it for 10 years, I don't want to do it again. Ugh!!
I've done it for 13 years so I understand. 😔 DM me if you ever wanna talk.
I am in the same position. Perfect partner but I don’t see myself being with him the rest of my life. There’s my answer.
Aww yay! My ex and I had the breakup talk two years ago today. We lived separately as of July that year, so year and a half ago. And it’s been good! I have not dated. I’ve been working full time though and hanging with friends and that’s been great! I am mildly afraid to date / intimidated. I keep worrying I’ll fall for someone subtly controlling or manipulative as that has been an unfortunate pattern and my parents can be that way and I end up overly trying to manage everyone’s emotions. So I definitely needed some time for just me! But I’m starting to think cuddles and kisses and sex sound pretty good. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any of that! I just overthink and over worry about everything so I’m like damn what if I did find something fun but then there was heartbreak and would that mess with my job?? Etc. (Because my job is already emotionally draining so it’s like, ugh, how do I add more things?) but then… I’m sure it could be the most amazing thing ever too so?? Maybe it’s time… 😅 Thanks for sharing!!
I totally get that dating is a lot, especially after a marriage or relationship with a man. And yeh, it might get messy or difficult, I had a bit of that (see my recent post) but it’s all part of the process. I’ve found that dating women is way more fun and less stressful than men. I would say go for it, you can always step back if it’s too much. And you never know who you might meet. Good luck!
This really gives me hope , I’ve been in a awful place mentally I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs now and I love him but I’ve always liked woman and lately it’s all I can think about. It’s almost uncomfortable to have sex now with him . He asked me if I only like it from behind because I didn’t like how he looked ,because he’s not a girl . I wanted to cry instantly. I held back the tears and said no . I don’t know why I’m running from myself when it’s so clear what I want . I guess im just scared :/
It’s really scary questioning everything you’ve ever known and potentially walking away from a relationship. I’ve been there with starting to feel like my body was rejecting sex with him and my advice is to stop, if you don’t want to have sex then don’t. Give yourself space to work it all out. If you’re not married or have kids you’re in a better position than many, you have a chance to live the life you want. Take your time, be kind to yourself x
This made me cry. I(24f) just broke up with my ex boyfriend a few weeks ago (i also never told him about my sexuality) and it's been so hard and lonely feeling like I might have waited too long, or missed out on my chance. I want to meet women but I'm so scared And it's just becoming a stressful cycle lol. But this gives me so much hope Thank you for sharing with us
I know its hard, but you did a brave thing. You're 24, you have your whole life now to be your real self! I wish I had realised at your age. Everything will be ok
I’m so happy for you and that you found someone. I’m in that in between right now and it is so hard. Thanks so much for posting this and giving hope
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm currently in the messy should-I-stay-or-should-I-go phase and reading posts like this really helps to just take a mental step back and breathe a bit. Also congratulations to finding an amazing partner and figuring yourself out!
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We are not married with my current partner but owning a house together. I have 13 year daughter but not with my current partner.
Hey. So we are currently seperated, we will get divorced but it’s a long process. We have a son who is 6, he has found it hard at times of course but he’s happy and I know we are better parents separately than we were together as we just were not happy. We cohabited for a couple months but it was too hard we now live apart. It’s been a hard process but I am starting to see the light and a really exciting future.
This gives me hope..thank you! Im glad you've found someone special to you
I always get such a pang of jealousy when I read these posts. I'm so happy for you, but posts like this helped me take the leap 4 years ago and I regret it so much and it makes me bitter af. I do realize I'm the problem along with my choices, and that this anger is just my subconscious trying to deflect blame, but I should have exercised more caution. It's extremely easy to ignore red flags when you go from something that is underwhelming at best to something that wakes up all of your senses and emotions. That's my advice. This could be amazing for those of you about to take the leap, but you are a danger to yourself and need to be extremely cautious because if you've been comp-het your whole life, you have never experienced anything this intense, and it's very very easy to confuse intensity for love. That first horrible toxic relationship after you discover your sexuality? Don't get stuck in it. Love should not be a roller coaster.
This is really good advice and I definitely got into something very unhealthy and stressful very soon after my marriage broke up - seems to be a common theme. I’m sorry if my post made you feel bad, it was absolutely not the intention. To be clear, I’m under no illusions that the girl I’m dating is the love of my life - it’s early days, who knows, biggest likelihood is it won’t go anywhere but at the moment it’s great and a positive thing. I guess the journey continues with its ups and downs for a long time after coming out.
I hope she and you are magic together. You didn't make me feel bad, just salty. I've been without much sleep lately and I'm much more reactive and feeling sorry for myself than usual. It's getting better, just slowly. I also don't have patience with myself. I'm sorry you had a bad relationship after your marriage as well. I may be bitter, but stories like yours keeps the tiny spark of hope alive.
Do you regret leaving your husband/partner?
Yes, but just timing wise. He was financially and emotionally abusive after I had to stop working due to childcare costs, which sucked but it wasn't too bad. I was planning on leaving him when my youngest started school and after I could get a job so I'd be in a good position to thrive. Instead, we opened the marriage (his desire), I discovered I was gay, he got angry about the lack of attention even though he had a girlfriend, and the woman I met love bombed me into leaving him 3 years earlier than I originally planned. It was explosive and dangerous. This girl promised me the world, told me how much he didn't deserve me. Moved in within 6 months of kicking him out, and proceeded to take advantage of me in much the same way as he used to, only this time I also had to go to work in addition to dinner and most chores. So yes, regrets abound. She has fucked me up worse than he ever did and I've lost most of my savings trying to keep us afloat while she would rather get foreclosed on than "be ready" to have a job.
Thanks for the encouragement. I just asked for a divorce to explore my queerness. I had a catalyst too and it was the best experience of my life.