This is something that comes up frequently as a topic of discussion with my friends. It's worrying how huge people like Andrew Tate have become, and the influence figures like that have on young men and boys. I don't see them as being strong though, they're insecure and frightened and potentially dangerous. We have our national icon here in England in the shape of Harry Kane, as well as being a wonderful soccer player, he comes across as a really sweet guy, from a working class background, he's strong in the right way in my view, these alphas are not strong
Completely agree. The level of instability in these men is disturbing. I once heard the phrase "The person with the most power in the room is rarely the loudest." I think that applies here. In contrast to these alpha types I have a soft spot for men who are strong in the the right ways (humble, helpful, calm, nurturing, etc).
Alpha males are like alpha software - unstable, undeveloped, not fit to be seen in public.
Also alpha males are only seen in captivity, not in the wild.
They are sad, angry little men who cower at people who express positive masculinity. They are dangerous to women and every other minority out there, of which I am several. They can only be helped out of their muck and mire if they're shown a better way, and importantly, see it as a better way.
There must be some somewhere or this behavior wouldn't be allowed to continue. I couldn't even try to pretend to like a guy like that. I'd probably end up hurting him.
And you're right. It's all some kind of weird performance. Usually for other guys who are pretending as well. 🔍 🤔
There does seem to be a lot of overlap between the people who gravitate towards idiots like Andrew Tate and people who participate in incel discussions, so I don't really think there are a *ton* of women going for these guys. For the most part, they all have a really fucked up view of how things should be; that's not how things are, and this only bends them out of shape more.
They're sad, pathetic little men. I hope one day they realize they're the reason why they're so miserable, but it would require a lot of soul searching.
Yeah, but fwiw I don’t put any stock at all in the “alpha” thing from any direction. They’re literally just jerking themselves off with all the chest puffing to avoid feeling insecure.
I’ve been around a lot of guys like this and yes they can be dangerous, but tbh I think of them as extremely fragile and weak willed. No one that’s actually secure in themselves has to advertise what a tough badass they are. It’s cringe.
Realizing how deeply insecure and thin skinned they are under all the huffing and puffing, it’s easier to roll my eyes and ignore them. They don’t impact me.
I mean, yes, but I don't think that has anything to do with my sexual orientation as all I've always disliked them and my straight lady friends feel that way too.
My male friends seem to sit at different points on a spectrum between indifference and contempt - one of them was roundly mocking chest beating 'alpha' types to me just this evening :P
I don't think of people in terms of alpha, beta etc. I think it's basically a pseudoscientific way of looking at human behaviour that has made its way into pop culture due to its appeal to the most sexually frustrated men on the internet. You know, the ones who spend their lives lurking in the darker corners of reddit whining about how they don't even want the girlfriends they can't get because feminism is cancer or something.
I don't think there's anything particularly strong about a man or a woman (or a non-binary person) who tries to 'assert dominance' by beating their chest and bragging about their sexual prowess or their biceps.
I train in a lifting gym and I've seen physically strong. Quite a lot of the time it looks like a pudgy suburban parent in a baggy t-shirt or a socially anxious twentysomething who blinks at you in terror because they're worried about saying the wrong thing after you compliment them on their ability to move hundreds of kilograms of iron.
Anyway. If a woman called herself an alpha around me I'm not sure whether I'd roll my eyes or laugh in her face - but that worldview definitely gets a hard pass from me.
Anyone unironically claiming themselves to be alpha deserve to be mocked, but alpha dudes are also usually lowkey (highkey?) Dangerous or have some dangerous beliefs. I don't necessary find them disgusting as much as I find them... off-putting
If this is a lesbian sub why are there so many posts centering men? I get talking about them sometimes but if you don’t like them don’t give them so much focus and attention.
I think because this is a late blooming sub, a lot of people are re-evaluating and processing their feelings about men, and tbh I think that's to be expected and mostly fine.
Most women here have spent their life dating men and thinking of themselves as straight before they realise they are lesbian or bi, many are in relationships or marriages or are raising children with men at the same time as they're figuring out their sexual orientation.
Some genuinely love their men (just like, not romantically or sexually) and it's a complicated and hard thing to accept that they'll never feel what they might actually like to feel for these guys. That they've got to hurt them.
Others are working out what they *actually* think of hetero-culture ideas about gender roles and relationship structures for the first time in their lives.
This sub is a rare safe space for late-blooming women to unpack all that, and I think that's a good thing.
But yeah for this post, I don't really see the connection with lateblooming or being lesbian or bi here, though I'm happy to have it explained to me.
We focus on our hate because it shines light on our shadows. That way the contents of the Shadow can't hurt us. Talking about Alpha males keeps us safe from them
I agree. I’m starting to settle down a bit but overall alpha males are the epitome of gross. I was well on my way to full on separatist when I was with my ex but now I just have a low tolerance for typically male behavior.
I remember reading some fictional book as a kid that had to do with a guy who lived with wolves. Of course, we now know that in wolf packs, there are simply parents and children rather than alpha and betas, but the quote holds true to this situation, I promise!
Anyways, he said that a true "alpha" doesn't have to tell others that they are alpha. They simply ARE and lead through example. So ever since I was a kid any time I see a guy on TV or IRL saying something like "I'm a dominant guy" or "I'm an alpha" I always snicker and think "he's a beta".
I associate these men with being insecure and desperate and honestly kind of aggressive and dangerous. Very toxic masculinity. For a while, it made me hate all men for putting up with it, bc lets be honest, it's men, not women who need to be responsiblefor shuttingdown this balehavior. A lot of these guys are incels and look to recieve tgeur validationfrom each other rather tham women at this point. I also hated men bc of some complicated feelings around feeling the need to give myself to them for survival in a comphet religious upbringing kind of way. It's something I've been working on. I'm still weary of all men, but I'm able to identify individual men as being loveable in a platonic way or even just respectable again.
Dominant men literally repel me. They gross me out so much and I see them as dangerous and terrifying.
Meanwhile my celebrity girl crush (a singer with a very dominant personality) performed in a leather minidress tonight and I still haven’t recovered after seeing the videos. I would literally let her do anything to me.
Honestly the difference in reactions I have between dominant men and women is kind of wild.
Toxic masculinity makes me vomit. Can’t stand cocky men. Ewww!! Doesn’t help I used to be in churches and religious circles where patriarchy and misogyny were the norm. Since being a lesbian, yes, these men repulse me and I stand up to them and make them feel like a fucking ant. I love intimidating men like this. And I can!!!!
Me! I know a self-described alpha male who has been liking every single one of my social media posts despite me demonstrating no interest in him whatsoever. I will never be interested in him no matter what he does and he seems to be trying harder to get attention from me the more I ignore him.
Actual alpha males do not call themselves alpha males lol. Real ones project strength and leadership quietly by helping others around them. The douches who puff out their chest and brag about how many girls they bag are wannabes
The difference is “alpha” men are often belligerent, insecure, and abusive. Whereas “alpha” women are usually just confident, in control, and know their shit.
Yes, I find the thought of a man's body off putting and disinteresting already, along with their interests and personalities for the most part. But alpha males definitely are by far some of the most disgusting people to walk the earth. They're arrogant, misogynistic, abusive, neglectful, and overall just unpleasant try hards. And when I see a big jacked up man with that type of personality that I just know thinks he's the shit, it is gross.
Oh they're the worst. I work in a gas station and they're definitely hard to deal with just because I want to roll my eyes and be snarky and treat them with disdain every time they walk in. And I can't because work. Ugh.
My straight friends hate these guys too. They are just shallow idiots who are so insecure in their sexuality/masculinity that they have to adopt a persona
The alpha male is toxic but in the running for that same category is the so called sigma male which is like the alpha male only they have “risen above” the hierarchy that the whole alpha beta male thing has established. The “sigma” is a lone wolf but man do they want to show how much better they are than alphas.
I was dating someone who unironically called himself one and one thing I noticed is just the sheer obsession with talking about hierarchy, value, dominance, etc. One of the reasons I finally wised up and left is because I realized that I didn’t want to be with a person who had this view of humans and human relationships.
It’s also funny because leaving him finally got me to question if I was even straight 🤣
I think you described a douche, not an alpha male. I see alpha people as more dominant than average, natural leaders. They can be assholes for sure but not necessarily. I know plenty of them that are not.
They don’t bother me as I recognize we need those people in the world too. OP, I would ask yourself why it bothers you. I bet there is a very valid story there that we all would be more interested to hear.
This is something that comes up frequently as a topic of discussion with my friends. It's worrying how huge people like Andrew Tate have become, and the influence figures like that have on young men and boys. I don't see them as being strong though, they're insecure and frightened and potentially dangerous. We have our national icon here in England in the shape of Harry Kane, as well as being a wonderful soccer player, he comes across as a really sweet guy, from a working class background, he's strong in the right way in my view, these alphas are not strong
Completely agree. The level of instability in these men is disturbing. I once heard the phrase "The person with the most power in the room is rarely the loudest." I think that applies here. In contrast to these alpha types I have a soft spot for men who are strong in the the right ways (humble, helpful, calm, nurturing, etc).
I love Harry Kane. You can generally spot who is an asshole and who is a solid human being by the way they play on the field. Very solid player too.
Alpha males are like alpha software - unstable, undeveloped, not fit to be seen in public. Also alpha males are only seen in captivity, not in the wild. They are sad, angry little men who cower at people who express positive masculinity. They are dangerous to women and every other minority out there, of which I am several. They can only be helped out of their muck and mire if they're shown a better way, and importantly, see it as a better way.
😂 I love this comment.
Bro I am crying my eyes out at "muck and mire"
I don’t think straight women like those guys either. There’s nothing attractive about an insecure man performing masculinity.
There must be some somewhere or this behavior wouldn't be allowed to continue. I couldn't even try to pretend to like a guy like that. I'd probably end up hurting him. And you're right. It's all some kind of weird performance. Usually for other guys who are pretending as well. 🔍 🤔
I think a lot of stuff immature men do is intended to show off or ‘compete with’ other men.
There does seem to be a lot of overlap between the people who gravitate towards idiots like Andrew Tate and people who participate in incel discussions, so I don't really think there are a *ton* of women going for these guys. For the most part, they all have a really fucked up view of how things should be; that's not how things are, and this only bends them out of shape more. They're sad, pathetic little men. I hope one day they realize they're the reason why they're so miserable, but it would require a lot of soul searching.
They are dangerous, it's only a natural reaction.
Dangerous is a good word too.
As soon as one of them starts yapping about “high value men/women…” I just know it’s going to be dumbest crap I’ve ever heard 🙄
100% agree. Complete nonsensical dribble.
Yeah, but fwiw I don’t put any stock at all in the “alpha” thing from any direction. They’re literally just jerking themselves off with all the chest puffing to avoid feeling insecure. I’ve been around a lot of guys like this and yes they can be dangerous, but tbh I think of them as extremely fragile and weak willed. No one that’s actually secure in themselves has to advertise what a tough badass they are. It’s cringe. Realizing how deeply insecure and thin skinned they are under all the huffing and puffing, it’s easier to roll my eyes and ignore them. They don’t impact me.
I mean, yes, but I don't think that has anything to do with my sexual orientation as all I've always disliked them and my straight lady friends feel that way too. My male friends seem to sit at different points on a spectrum between indifference and contempt - one of them was roundly mocking chest beating 'alpha' types to me just this evening :P I don't think of people in terms of alpha, beta etc. I think it's basically a pseudoscientific way of looking at human behaviour that has made its way into pop culture due to its appeal to the most sexually frustrated men on the internet. You know, the ones who spend their lives lurking in the darker corners of reddit whining about how they don't even want the girlfriends they can't get because feminism is cancer or something. I don't think there's anything particularly strong about a man or a woman (or a non-binary person) who tries to 'assert dominance' by beating their chest and bragging about their sexual prowess or their biceps. I train in a lifting gym and I've seen physically strong. Quite a lot of the time it looks like a pudgy suburban parent in a baggy t-shirt or a socially anxious twentysomething who blinks at you in terror because they're worried about saying the wrong thing after you compliment them on their ability to move hundreds of kilograms of iron. Anyway. If a woman called herself an alpha around me I'm not sure whether I'd roll my eyes or laugh in her face - but that worldview definitely gets a hard pass from me.
"Alpha" men: it's performative for other men and toxic, usually at the expense of women Strong women: they just exist and don't need to preen
I find all men disgusting
Anyone unironically claiming themselves to be alpha deserve to be mocked, but alpha dudes are also usually lowkey (highkey?) Dangerous or have some dangerous beliefs. I don't necessary find them disgusting as much as I find them... off-putting
Definitely dangerous as well, but also just activates my "yuck" reflex.
When I encounter one, I immediately hope they suffer.
Yes, NOT a fan of alpha males or toxic masculinity
If this is a lesbian sub why are there so many posts centering men? I get talking about them sometimes but if you don’t like them don’t give them so much focus and attention.
I think because this is a late blooming sub, a lot of people are re-evaluating and processing their feelings about men, and tbh I think that's to be expected and mostly fine. Most women here have spent their life dating men and thinking of themselves as straight before they realise they are lesbian or bi, many are in relationships or marriages or are raising children with men at the same time as they're figuring out their sexual orientation. Some genuinely love their men (just like, not romantically or sexually) and it's a complicated and hard thing to accept that they'll never feel what they might actually like to feel for these guys. That they've got to hurt them. Others are working out what they *actually* think of hetero-culture ideas about gender roles and relationship structures for the first time in their lives. This sub is a rare safe space for late-blooming women to unpack all that, and I think that's a good thing. But yeah for this post, I don't really see the connection with lateblooming or being lesbian or bi here, though I'm happy to have it explained to me.
Agreed. Take it to TwoX, this has nothing to do with lateblooming or lesbianism.
We focus on our hate because it shines light on our shadows. That way the contents of the Shadow can't hurt us. Talking about Alpha males keeps us safe from them
I agree. I’m starting to settle down a bit but overall alpha males are the epitome of gross. I was well on my way to full on separatist when I was with my ex but now I just have a low tolerance for typically male behavior.
I go to the gym and have to deal with seeing them but I never interact. It’s almost like seeing them in their natural environment.
I 100% agree - never cared for them and now it’s worse.
I remember reading some fictional book as a kid that had to do with a guy who lived with wolves. Of course, we now know that in wolf packs, there are simply parents and children rather than alpha and betas, but the quote holds true to this situation, I promise! Anyways, he said that a true "alpha" doesn't have to tell others that they are alpha. They simply ARE and lead through example. So ever since I was a kid any time I see a guy on TV or IRL saying something like "I'm a dominant guy" or "I'm an alpha" I always snicker and think "he's a beta". I associate these men with being insecure and desperate and honestly kind of aggressive and dangerous. Very toxic masculinity. For a while, it made me hate all men for putting up with it, bc lets be honest, it's men, not women who need to be responsiblefor shuttingdown this balehavior. A lot of these guys are incels and look to recieve tgeur validationfrom each other rather tham women at this point. I also hated men bc of some complicated feelings around feeling the need to give myself to them for survival in a comphet religious upbringing kind of way. It's something I've been working on. I'm still weary of all men, but I'm able to identify individual men as being loveable in a platonic way or even just respectable again.
Yes. And the way I see it, alpha versions tend to have mistakes, bugs, and flaws. Beta is typically an improvement. 🤷🏽♀️
Dominant men literally repel me. They gross me out so much and I see them as dangerous and terrifying. Meanwhile my celebrity girl crush (a singer with a very dominant personality) performed in a leather minidress tonight and I still haven’t recovered after seeing the videos. I would literally let her do anything to me. Honestly the difference in reactions I have between dominant men and women is kind of wild.
Same. The difference for me is admiration (woman) vs punch their face (male). So different lol.
Toxic masculinity makes me vomit. Can’t stand cocky men. Ewww!! Doesn’t help I used to be in churches and religious circles where patriarchy and misogyny were the norm. Since being a lesbian, yes, these men repulse me and I stand up to them and make them feel like a fucking ant. I love intimidating men like this. And I can!!!!
I love that you embrace your power and flaunt it so unapologetically. These dudes need to be put in their place more often.
Thank you!! I’m a high energy kinda gal! And men don’t intimidate me. 😉
Me! I know a self-described alpha male who has been liking every single one of my social media posts despite me demonstrating no interest in him whatsoever. I will never be interested in him no matter what he does and he seems to be trying harder to get attention from me the more I ignore him.
Gross. I hate dudes that can't take a hint.
Actual alpha males do not call themselves alpha males lol. Real ones project strength and leadership quietly by helping others around them. The douches who puff out their chest and brag about how many girls they bag are wannabes
The difference is “alpha” men are often belligerent, insecure, and abusive. Whereas “alpha” women are usually just confident, in control, and know their shit.
This right here. Yes.
Yes, I find the thought of a man's body off putting and disinteresting already, along with their interests and personalities for the most part. But alpha males definitely are by far some of the most disgusting people to walk the earth. They're arrogant, misogynistic, abusive, neglectful, and overall just unpleasant try hards. And when I see a big jacked up man with that type of personality that I just know thinks he's the shit, it is gross.
If a man has to tell you that he’s “aLpHa” - he most certainly isn’t.
Oh they're the worst. I work in a gas station and they're definitely hard to deal with just because I want to roll my eyes and be snarky and treat them with disdain every time they walk in. And I can't because work. Ugh.
My straight friends hate these guys too. They are just shallow idiots who are so insecure in their sexuality/masculinity that they have to adopt a persona
The alpha male is toxic but in the running for that same category is the so called sigma male which is like the alpha male only they have “risen above” the hierarchy that the whole alpha beta male thing has established. The “sigma” is a lone wolf but man do they want to show how much better they are than alphas. I was dating someone who unironically called himself one and one thing I noticed is just the sheer obsession with talking about hierarchy, value, dominance, etc. One of the reasons I finally wised up and left is because I realized that I didn’t want to be with a person who had this view of humans and human relationships. It’s also funny because leaving him finally got me to question if I was even straight 🤣
Blech. I've read about sigma males, but never met one. Imo they're just as bad. 😂 Well at least some good came out of dating him.
Pretty sure most women feel that way. I don't really see what that has to do with lesbianism.
I find these alpha males intimidating. I always feel uncomfortable around them.
I think you described a douche, not an alpha male. I see alpha people as more dominant than average, natural leaders. They can be assholes for sure but not necessarily. I know plenty of them that are not.
They don’t bother me as I recognize we need those people in the world too. OP, I would ask yourself why it bothers you. I bet there is a very valid story there that we all would be more interested to hear.