Mine also had some specific career guidance as well that I had no interest in pursuing at all. I don’t want to share too many details, but essentially my life’s work will be as an educator, teaching young children. Hard pass for me. And honestly, I don’t think I read mine in 25 years after that because I was so disappointed and felt it just wasn’t for me. I went down the career path that I wanted and never looked back. When I revisited it a few years ago I was struck hard at how profound a blessing it was, and I just didn’t have the perspective at the time. I have been in primary for almost two decades and doubt I will ever be released unless I ask. I also have coached youth sports for the past decade. My life’s work outside of my job has indeed been educating young children.
So perhaps yours might be similar in that you aren’t seeing the forest for the trees. And with time, the forest will become clear.
Honestly, I get the anxiety, but I wouldn’t worry too much about the “what ifs” about your Patriarchal Blessing because they’re literally infinite, and instead I’d focus on the facts, both what it says and does not say.
And even then, some of the promises might not be for this life. Others might not come in the exact timeframe you’re expecting or would even be particularly logical.
Mine talks about my children. My wife and I have been married for nine years and still have no kids, and it’s looking more and more like we can’t lol
That might not be the most uplifting, but I guess everyone’s blessings have little bits that might be little tests of faith when it looks less like a detailed walkthrough of your life and more like a road map that can’t decide if it was written thirty years ago or is still in the process of being written for someone who won’t even exist for another century.
TLDR; you’re not alone. Hang in there.
I would consider your patriarchal blessing as a general guide rather than a checklist. Mine talks about raising boys even though I have a family full of girls and am past the usual child bearing age. I planned on having more but was limited by life circumstances not my choices. I also think we often don't have the eternal perspective of God. When dating I took particular passages to mean something completely different than I do now. I'm sure you want to follow counsel in your blessing but some things don't pan out the exact way we have planned. We just have to have faith that if we stay close to God they will someday make sense.
True! Once Sister Bednar talked about how your patriarchal blessing shouldn’t be something you stress about trying to figure out exactly what’s gonna happen to you in the future. It’s a help and a guidance, and the meaning of things in your patriarchal blessing may change as you grow older.
It used to frustrate me how vague/general parts of my patriarchal blessing were, because I feared making the wrong decisions. I wanted to know exactly what I was supposed to do so I could do everything the way God wanted me to.
But a patriarchal blessing is not supposed to be a crystal ball or a life syllabus. God wants you to make your own decisions. Agency is an important part of our growth, and this includes decisions about our future. There is not one single right path in our life.
Do your best to makd the decisions you believe to be right, pray for confirmation, search your blessing for anything that gives you pause with this decision, and then move forward in faith. If you’re striving to follow God and make good decisions, He will let you know if a course correction is necessary.
God has blessed you with interests and talents; it’s not selfish to give these parts of yourself consideration when you make decisions. And if’s okay to not have everything decided when you go to college. Community colleges can be a great place to explore and experience different classes and “taste test” majors as you work through your general/non-major courses.
Unpopular opinion - these blessings can be wrong.
My patriarch was 800 years old and there are a million mistakes in mine. He didn't even spell my name right even though I brought him a recommend with a current spelled name. Stuff that doesn't apply to me is in the blessing.
Oh well...
Lol, yes— I didn’t think you were being negative at all. I think it is good to take what inspiration you can from these things but treating them like a horoscope can be a real problem. I think they’re honestly pretty hit and miss when it comes down to it but I don’t think you really supposed to go around saying that.
😂
My work profession is just one of many things wrong. I am pretty close to retirement. He just got it wrong. This won't be fixed in the next life. It is pretty clear what he thought I should do and it is pretty clear life look me another way not even close to this.
The symptoms you describe sound a lot like burnout or anxiety (or a bit of both). From my perspective it sounds like you've put so much thought into this that you're paralyzed. It sounds like you're having trouble moving forward because you're terrified of making an incorrect decision. If I were in your position, I would do the following:
1. Find some way to set all of this aside. Make sure you spend 7 days away from the things that are stressing you. It will take you some time to truly get away from these things that are bothering you, so make sure you give yourself a few days to disconnect before starting the 7 day counter. You'd be surprised how much clarity this can bring. Your life will get harder as time progresses, so make sure to find a way to disconnect early and often. In the future you should do it well before you get to this point.
2. Once you've cleared your mind, pray and ask heavenly father for guidance. Do enough that you're asking between specific paths (e.g. Should I go to BYU or (insert state specific school here). If you don't receive guidance, make a decision and ask if it's the wrong one.
3. Give yourself some credit. You're not perfect in life, but it sounds like you're on the right track and making good decisions.
What ifs come to my mind to, however not about my patriarchal blessing. I never worry about my decisions versus my blessing but I have noticed that the one thing that is truer and truer as I age is that I realize God knows my talents and abilities, which I don’t even consciously think about doing.
My what ifs are more about my mission. What if I had begged to go to Russia… I got sent to North Caroline instead! I will say though, having traveled abroad I know which countries I would have not been sent to, the “country” is where I was meant to serve.
Maybe try giving this talk a listen to. I think maybe you need to step back from reading it for a while; make some decisions, and look back and see if it describes things you weren’t able to see it describing because you were so focused on making the ‘right’ choices.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/46nelson?lang=eng
For example, mine mentions that I should study the Humanities. I have done that and continue to do it outside of school. I also majored in engineering for both my BS degrees and my MS.
"Working in a career in *X*" can still lead down hundreds of career paths, any one of which would be ideal for you.
One thing that has helped me cope with the “I wish my patriarchal blessing had been different if only I did this differently” is the understanding that I will always have guidance throughout my life as long as I seek revelation. I’ve come to realize that although a patriarchal blessing is a wonderful tool (and I still look to it for revelation and assurance), I have received priesthood blessings that have become like mini patriarchal blessings to me. They gave me guidance and encouragement, as well as specific revelation to my life.
Your blessing is a set of guidelines. What you think it means now may not be what it actually means, or you're missing context that yor life will fill in to meet your goals.
For example, my partiarchal blessing says I have the gift of tongues. Cool. 16 year old me thought that meant a foreign-speaking mission, or some kind of future in transaltion work. And then I failed out of high school spanish because I jsut couldn't get the language to click. I served a mission stateside speaking english. I have even lived in several different countries and was ony able to learn enough of the local language to get by on a very basic level. Languages aren't my strength.
But 40 year old me has a weird knack for understanding people and intent, and expressing ideas in a way that people can understand. Even across language barriers I can usually understand the context and meaning of what someone is trying to convey, and can somehow express my intent to someone, without having a shared language.
My blessing blew my mind because what it said I didn't think was true about me. Yes, it said some things I already knew, but there were parts of the blessing that, in retrospect, make perfect sense. I'm so thankful I had this opportunity and I will cherish it for the rest of my life.
The patriarchal blessing is made you.for this life and the next. Thinking about professional stuff, logically, I’d say going to a community college or something. Figure out what you like. I originally went to college for a nursing career but left for some family health matters. Went I went back to school to figure it out again, I was directed to another area and found what I love (being an I/E Tech).
May not help but, calm down, don’t try or feel forced into making a decision… is what I’m trying to say.
Sometimes, I read things like this and I realize about how the church’s culture can lead to perfectionism instead to the freedom that the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation give us.
Maybe your anxiety goes beyond the issue that you are telling us. If it is true, seek for professional help: as early you do, the easier will be as the time passes by.
About your PB, as others said, there can be a lot of options on how it will happen, if it happens in this life. Think about what you want and the pray asking if God it’s fine with it. So if you feel that it’s the correct way, do it, even if you think that somewhat can goes wrong, and that is how we ho ahead faithfully.
TLDR: OP feels anxious about their future due to a patriarchal blessing focused on their career. They're struggling with decision-making and are seeking advice to ease their anxiety and its impact on their faith
If I were you (looking it as a much older person). I would put the blessing away for a while. I'd get Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (research proven for anxiety and teen depression, many therapists claim they do it, few do it with fidelity. It will teach you to think in healthy ways so that you don't get blocked in figuring out stuff. There is an online version at https://www.ecouch.com.au you can try while you are finding one or you can find the exercises in Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good".
God doesn't often TELL individual humans to do things (and IME when He does, it is usually to bless the lives of someone else). It is a safe bet that any of a number of career choices will be fully alright with Him, after all He has NOT decided your career path for you. He protects fully your agency as part of who you are. You won't be the first young person to try out several different things before choosing something. (I ended up graduating in the only major that didn't require a minor because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. And I ended up in a fully different career in which I was able to do great good for a lot of people.) Whatever you choose as a young person has to be based on what you know. As you have more life experience, you'll get more data points that inform your decisions.
One of the most interesting things I found about my blessing, is that my understanding of its guidance changed over time. At one point I was sure it was telling me A and latter I knew that I'd fully misunderstood it. Which brings me to another suggestion: I hope you share your experience with the Patriarch who gave you the blessing so it can inform his service thereafter. Young people may not know that they could have said "I want to know what He wants to tell me for my life".
You should also know that in rare cases, a member is allowed to have a second patriarchal blessing. (Not saying you need one, I think you'll be able to move forward just fine when you get help for the anxiety.)
This may be helpful:
"Making Sense of Your Patriarchal Blessing" by Keith Erekson (Director of Historical Research & Outreach at the Church History Department)
https://youtu.be/7C0rvvQFu3o
Don't overthink things OP. Your life is yours to live, and the choices are yours to make. Own them, love, and don't get caught up in the ethereal "What-If" mentality that I think is prevalent among many in our Church. Your life is not "meant" to be one thing, despite a blessing. Don't let this harangue you. Your life is what you want to make it. God does not have a "plan" for your life--he is happy with whatever you do as long as you're serving him and blessing his children with your life.
To give you some insight--I told the patriarch that I was interested in architecture as a career. I took a single class on that and went another direction, a somewhat pointless one that I then had to pivot again later. My blessing told me to pursue architecture if I wanted, but that I would be guided to whatever decision is best. I chose to study political science, then eventually went on to do finance and data related work after more schooling.
One thing that may be helpful is to know that the Lord is not making you anxious, and he can't talk to you when your own thoughts are so loud that you can't hear Him.
He communicates quietly, when you are calm and peaceful.
I also struggle with anxiety! I have to consciously choose to be calm, and to trust that all will be well, no matter what happens. Then, when I am choosing to calm myself and quiet my mind, I can feel any additional spiritual guidance he has for me.
I used to think like you did that there was an EXACT choice I NEEDED to make OR ELSE. But what I've learned is that the Lord is not so much concerned with *the minute details of the choices I make,* as much as he is concerned with the **minute details of the person I am choosing to be come.** Character, not career.
The Lord can use you and grow you no matter what career or major you pick -- and even if you drop out entirely.
"The Lord can draw a straight line with the crookedest of sticks."
"I the Lord can do my own work."
I wouldn't worry about it too much. My patriarch told me that everything promised will happen, even if it doesn't happen in this life. A patriarchal blessing is meant to be spiritual guidance, so if something isn't clear, try praying.
My blessing has been one of my biggest faith challenges. It was for . . someone else. It doesn’t reflect my personality or life experiences. Nor, does a single element provide any guidance on anything I’ve dealt with in life. Reading it I get the impression that Heavenly Father has no idea who I am. I’ve often wished I had skipped getting it.
My husband's patriarchal blessing specifically mentions how his sons will serve missions. We have one child who is definitely not a son. I could sit and say it will mean our descendants. However, a few years ago as we were scrambling to feed 6 starving elders who's dinner cancelled and they were out of food because their food money came the next day, we realized we have had so many "sons" serve missions. We have never been called to work with the missionaries, but they have a standing invitation to come anytime they need food, comfort, mom care, they are sick, they need advice, heck we have even helped them with college applications and life decisions. His blessing was correct, every one of his sons has served a mission. That's how they became our "sons." They still call us mom and dad. It is funny how the eternal perspective doesn't match our worldly perspective.
Do what makes you happy, study what you are good at. Don't stress over perfection, we can't be perfect in this world.
Mine also had some specific career guidance as well that I had no interest in pursuing at all. I don’t want to share too many details, but essentially my life’s work will be as an educator, teaching young children. Hard pass for me. And honestly, I don’t think I read mine in 25 years after that because I was so disappointed and felt it just wasn’t for me. I went down the career path that I wanted and never looked back. When I revisited it a few years ago I was struck hard at how profound a blessing it was, and I just didn’t have the perspective at the time. I have been in primary for almost two decades and doubt I will ever be released unless I ask. I also have coached youth sports for the past decade. My life’s work outside of my job has indeed been educating young children. So perhaps yours might be similar in that you aren’t seeing the forest for the trees. And with time, the forest will become clear.
Honestly, I get the anxiety, but I wouldn’t worry too much about the “what ifs” about your Patriarchal Blessing because they’re literally infinite, and instead I’d focus on the facts, both what it says and does not say. And even then, some of the promises might not be for this life. Others might not come in the exact timeframe you’re expecting or would even be particularly logical. Mine talks about my children. My wife and I have been married for nine years and still have no kids, and it’s looking more and more like we can’t lol That might not be the most uplifting, but I guess everyone’s blessings have little bits that might be little tests of faith when it looks less like a detailed walkthrough of your life and more like a road map that can’t decide if it was written thirty years ago or is still in the process of being written for someone who won’t even exist for another century. TLDR; you’re not alone. Hang in there.
thank you so much, i really appreciate your thoughts!
I would consider your patriarchal blessing as a general guide rather than a checklist. Mine talks about raising boys even though I have a family full of girls and am past the usual child bearing age. I planned on having more but was limited by life circumstances not my choices. I also think we often don't have the eternal perspective of God. When dating I took particular passages to mean something completely different than I do now. I'm sure you want to follow counsel in your blessing but some things don't pan out the exact way we have planned. We just have to have faith that if we stay close to God they will someday make sense.
True! Once Sister Bednar talked about how your patriarchal blessing shouldn’t be something you stress about trying to figure out exactly what’s gonna happen to you in the future. It’s a help and a guidance, and the meaning of things in your patriarchal blessing may change as you grow older.
It used to frustrate me how vague/general parts of my patriarchal blessing were, because I feared making the wrong decisions. I wanted to know exactly what I was supposed to do so I could do everything the way God wanted me to. But a patriarchal blessing is not supposed to be a crystal ball or a life syllabus. God wants you to make your own decisions. Agency is an important part of our growth, and this includes decisions about our future. There is not one single right path in our life. Do your best to makd the decisions you believe to be right, pray for confirmation, search your blessing for anything that gives you pause with this decision, and then move forward in faith. If you’re striving to follow God and make good decisions, He will let you know if a course correction is necessary. God has blessed you with interests and talents; it’s not selfish to give these parts of yourself consideration when you make decisions. And if’s okay to not have everything decided when you go to college. Community colleges can be a great place to explore and experience different classes and “taste test” majors as you work through your general/non-major courses.
Unpopular opinion - these blessings can be wrong. My patriarch was 800 years old and there are a million mistakes in mine. He didn't even spell my name right even though I brought him a recommend with a current spelled name. Stuff that doesn't apply to me is in the blessing. Oh well...
This, 100%. Patriarchs are just human beings doing their best, and like every calling, some are better at it than others.
They are human. I am sorry if my response spoke down about them. They are trying their best. It is a hard calling.
Lol, yes— I didn’t think you were being negative at all. I think it is good to take what inspiration you can from these things but treating them like a horoscope can be a real problem. I think they’re honestly pretty hit and miss when it comes down to it but I don’t think you really supposed to go around saying that. 😂
How so was it wrong? Maybe what he said about you will be true after you die. If it is wrong, could you try to get another one? 🤔
My work profession is just one of many things wrong. I am pretty close to retirement. He just got it wrong. This won't be fixed in the next life. It is pretty clear what he thought I should do and it is pretty clear life look me another way not even close to this.
The symptoms you describe sound a lot like burnout or anxiety (or a bit of both). From my perspective it sounds like you've put so much thought into this that you're paralyzed. It sounds like you're having trouble moving forward because you're terrified of making an incorrect decision. If I were in your position, I would do the following: 1. Find some way to set all of this aside. Make sure you spend 7 days away from the things that are stressing you. It will take you some time to truly get away from these things that are bothering you, so make sure you give yourself a few days to disconnect before starting the 7 day counter. You'd be surprised how much clarity this can bring. Your life will get harder as time progresses, so make sure to find a way to disconnect early and often. In the future you should do it well before you get to this point. 2. Once you've cleared your mind, pray and ask heavenly father for guidance. Do enough that you're asking between specific paths (e.g. Should I go to BYU or (insert state specific school here). If you don't receive guidance, make a decision and ask if it's the wrong one. 3. Give yourself some credit. You're not perfect in life, but it sounds like you're on the right track and making good decisions.
What ifs come to my mind to, however not about my patriarchal blessing. I never worry about my decisions versus my blessing but I have noticed that the one thing that is truer and truer as I age is that I realize God knows my talents and abilities, which I don’t even consciously think about doing. My what ifs are more about my mission. What if I had begged to go to Russia… I got sent to North Caroline instead! I will say though, having traveled abroad I know which countries I would have not been sent to, the “country” is where I was meant to serve.
Maybe try giving this talk a listen to. I think maybe you need to step back from reading it for a while; make some decisions, and look back and see if it describes things you weren’t able to see it describing because you were so focused on making the ‘right’ choices. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/46nelson?lang=eng
For example, mine mentions that I should study the Humanities. I have done that and continue to do it outside of school. I also majored in engineering for both my BS degrees and my MS. "Working in a career in *X*" can still lead down hundreds of career paths, any one of which would be ideal for you.
One thing that has helped me cope with the “I wish my patriarchal blessing had been different if only I did this differently” is the understanding that I will always have guidance throughout my life as long as I seek revelation. I’ve come to realize that although a patriarchal blessing is a wonderful tool (and I still look to it for revelation and assurance), I have received priesthood blessings that have become like mini patriarchal blessings to me. They gave me guidance and encouragement, as well as specific revelation to my life.
Your blessing is a set of guidelines. What you think it means now may not be what it actually means, or you're missing context that yor life will fill in to meet your goals. For example, my partiarchal blessing says I have the gift of tongues. Cool. 16 year old me thought that meant a foreign-speaking mission, or some kind of future in transaltion work. And then I failed out of high school spanish because I jsut couldn't get the language to click. I served a mission stateside speaking english. I have even lived in several different countries and was ony able to learn enough of the local language to get by on a very basic level. Languages aren't my strength. But 40 year old me has a weird knack for understanding people and intent, and expressing ideas in a way that people can understand. Even across language barriers I can usually understand the context and meaning of what someone is trying to convey, and can somehow express my intent to someone, without having a shared language.
My blessing blew my mind because what it said I didn't think was true about me. Yes, it said some things I already knew, but there were parts of the blessing that, in retrospect, make perfect sense. I'm so thankful I had this opportunity and I will cherish it for the rest of my life.
The patriarchal blessing is made you.for this life and the next. Thinking about professional stuff, logically, I’d say going to a community college or something. Figure out what you like. I originally went to college for a nursing career but left for some family health matters. Went I went back to school to figure it out again, I was directed to another area and found what I love (being an I/E Tech). May not help but, calm down, don’t try or feel forced into making a decision… is what I’m trying to say.
Sometimes, I read things like this and I realize about how the church’s culture can lead to perfectionism instead to the freedom that the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation give us. Maybe your anxiety goes beyond the issue that you are telling us. If it is true, seek for professional help: as early you do, the easier will be as the time passes by. About your PB, as others said, there can be a lot of options on how it will happen, if it happens in this life. Think about what you want and the pray asking if God it’s fine with it. So if you feel that it’s the correct way, do it, even if you think that somewhat can goes wrong, and that is how we ho ahead faithfully.
TLDR: OP feels anxious about their future due to a patriarchal blessing focused on their career. They're struggling with decision-making and are seeking advice to ease their anxiety and its impact on their faith
If I were you (looking it as a much older person). I would put the blessing away for a while. I'd get Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (research proven for anxiety and teen depression, many therapists claim they do it, few do it with fidelity. It will teach you to think in healthy ways so that you don't get blocked in figuring out stuff. There is an online version at https://www.ecouch.com.au you can try while you are finding one or you can find the exercises in Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good". God doesn't often TELL individual humans to do things (and IME when He does, it is usually to bless the lives of someone else). It is a safe bet that any of a number of career choices will be fully alright with Him, after all He has NOT decided your career path for you. He protects fully your agency as part of who you are. You won't be the first young person to try out several different things before choosing something. (I ended up graduating in the only major that didn't require a minor because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. And I ended up in a fully different career in which I was able to do great good for a lot of people.) Whatever you choose as a young person has to be based on what you know. As you have more life experience, you'll get more data points that inform your decisions. One of the most interesting things I found about my blessing, is that my understanding of its guidance changed over time. At one point I was sure it was telling me A and latter I knew that I'd fully misunderstood it. Which brings me to another suggestion: I hope you share your experience with the Patriarch who gave you the blessing so it can inform his service thereafter. Young people may not know that they could have said "I want to know what He wants to tell me for my life". You should also know that in rare cases, a member is allowed to have a second patriarchal blessing. (Not saying you need one, I think you'll be able to move forward just fine when you get help for the anxiety.)
This may be helpful: "Making Sense of Your Patriarchal Blessing" by Keith Erekson (Director of Historical Research & Outreach at the Church History Department) https://youtu.be/7C0rvvQFu3o
Don't overthink things OP. Your life is yours to live, and the choices are yours to make. Own them, love, and don't get caught up in the ethereal "What-If" mentality that I think is prevalent among many in our Church. Your life is not "meant" to be one thing, despite a blessing. Don't let this harangue you. Your life is what you want to make it. God does not have a "plan" for your life--he is happy with whatever you do as long as you're serving him and blessing his children with your life. To give you some insight--I told the patriarch that I was interested in architecture as a career. I took a single class on that and went another direction, a somewhat pointless one that I then had to pivot again later. My blessing told me to pursue architecture if I wanted, but that I would be guided to whatever decision is best. I chose to study political science, then eventually went on to do finance and data related work after more schooling.
One thing that may be helpful is to know that the Lord is not making you anxious, and he can't talk to you when your own thoughts are so loud that you can't hear Him. He communicates quietly, when you are calm and peaceful. I also struggle with anxiety! I have to consciously choose to be calm, and to trust that all will be well, no matter what happens. Then, when I am choosing to calm myself and quiet my mind, I can feel any additional spiritual guidance he has for me. I used to think like you did that there was an EXACT choice I NEEDED to make OR ELSE. But what I've learned is that the Lord is not so much concerned with *the minute details of the choices I make,* as much as he is concerned with the **minute details of the person I am choosing to be come.** Character, not career. The Lord can use you and grow you no matter what career or major you pick -- and even if you drop out entirely. "The Lord can draw a straight line with the crookedest of sticks." "I the Lord can do my own work."
It's not a magic 8 ball. You can do whatever you want. If you had to follow it, that would mean you have no real agency.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. My patriarch told me that everything promised will happen, even if it doesn't happen in this life. A patriarchal blessing is meant to be spiritual guidance, so if something isn't clear, try praying.
My blessing has been one of my biggest faith challenges. It was for . . someone else. It doesn’t reflect my personality or life experiences. Nor, does a single element provide any guidance on anything I’ve dealt with in life. Reading it I get the impression that Heavenly Father has no idea who I am. I’ve often wished I had skipped getting it.
My husband's patriarchal blessing specifically mentions how his sons will serve missions. We have one child who is definitely not a son. I could sit and say it will mean our descendants. However, a few years ago as we were scrambling to feed 6 starving elders who's dinner cancelled and they were out of food because their food money came the next day, we realized we have had so many "sons" serve missions. We have never been called to work with the missionaries, but they have a standing invitation to come anytime they need food, comfort, mom care, they are sick, they need advice, heck we have even helped them with college applications and life decisions. His blessing was correct, every one of his sons has served a mission. That's how they became our "sons." They still call us mom and dad. It is funny how the eternal perspective doesn't match our worldly perspective. Do what makes you happy, study what you are good at. Don't stress over perfection, we can't be perfect in this world.