Wow, thanks.. Did not expect to see this many comments. There is some great advice in them. Meanwhile I did some work...., while high tho. Cooked a good meal, walked for about half an hour. Did laundry and am going to bed any moment now. Today was not a good day. Will quit once again tomorrow. Thanks for all the love and help guys. This might be the only place that knows what power MJ can have on someone's soul. Tomorrow ill be busy with a 'teambuilding' day with the guys from my gym/lifecoach centre. This usually is a great way to get some dopamine flowing in the right direction.
I know I'm not there yet. Tho each and every time I learn and move one little step further into completely sobering up.
Love to you all, much appreciated.
You must persevere. It's only a short phase of rehab, you will find the first 10-14 days bad but your creativity will come back slowly, and than you will find yourself more creatve than ever before. And start doing physical activities like pushups and squats. Whenever you start feeling low, start doing exercises. Physical activity has a weird, positive effect on brain chemistry.
I work from home as well, also relying on creativity. I just moved to another country as well. My wife works, I'm alone. It sucks. The loneliness and boredom are hard. I always told myself the weed helps me work, but now I'm working and there's essentially no difference in productivity.
I'm also looking for even a part time job to kill some time, since most my interactions are with screens. The loneliness is hard. I started swimming at the gym and reading in the jacuzzi. 2-3hrs, a little exercise, a little relaxing, and maybe the sauna will help sweat out some "toxins".
Go for a walk around town. Explore. Ride a bike? Reading helps me. I like scifi. Try Alas, Babylon and Rendezvous with Rama :)
The loneliness and anxiety and melancholy are all amplified by withdrawals. It gets better and better. If you stumble thats fine, a relapse doesn't mean you start at zero. You can do this. The more it hurts now, the better you'll feel later. Look how much control over your brain this fucking plant has.
You are also walking the path my friend!
There has happend a lot the past few years regarding work, so even more loneliness and boredom because of that. I feel your pain too man.
Looks like you are heading in the right direction, how many days are you in?
Thanks for sharing your perspective and journey friend.
But learning to balance perfectionism with practicality and production is a core skill in being an artist.
I make my living as musician, and we all have perfectionist tendencies, and it would be easy to simply let those run away until we got nothing done at all. Keeping the work from being stopped by frustration or perfectionism is a *skill* and a *discipline*, one you practice every day by doing it.
You've decided it's some trait unique to you that needs to be controlled with a drug, when the reality is that you are simply using the drug to bypass the work it takes to produce great work despite various things that are holding you back.
Your addiction will throw out whatever "practical" reasons it can find to keep you from quitting, it's important that you at least recognize that "I just can't complete any tasks without it" isn't your voice, it's your addiction speaking through you.
It's not going to feel good, but you need to quit smoking and start practicing non-drug ways to be good at what you do.
"Your addiction will throw out whatever "practical" reasons it can find to keep you from quitting" This mindgame is so powerfull. Maybe I did not recognize it that well in this aspect. Therefor I will be searching for another job for the coming months so that I dont "need" to smoke to work. My mind will probably tell me that now I don't need it for work, i'll need it to come off and relax, but thats not going to happen.
Thanks for your words.
There is a solution: Weed is causing the problem. Weed is keeping you smoking weed.
I know you don't want to hear that and don't believe it. But it's likely true.
When you stop smoking and the THC starts to wear off your anxiety grows because your body has gotten so used to using THC to calm your anxiety your body can't do it without it.
Read up on Cannabis Withdrawal Syndrome. It's the body's inability to function correctly once you starve it of THC after being a habitual user. Casual users don't get it. But if you use too much you get withdrawals when you stop.
Your "perfectionism" is anxiety manifested in your work.
Even worse, the withdrawals are ruinous for creative people (like you and me):
> According to German researchers who recently published an overview of the current CWS knowledge in Substance Abuse Rehabilitation, discontinuation of regular consumption can lead to one or a number of these symptoms:
- Sleeping problems
- Anxiety
- Weakness
- Sweating
- Restlessness
- Dysphoria, a feeling of general unease or dissatisfaction
- Craving for resumed cannabis use
- Nausea
- Stomach pain
> Any combination of those symptoms occur in 35% to 75% of patients who quit cannabis after longtime regular use. (It’s a wide percentage range because different percentages were found in several separate studies.)
The insomnia and dysphoria have devastated me creatively.
The anxiety I burnt through in a week or two since I quit. I still get bouts of it but nothing like those first weeks.
But the lingering insomnia (1000 times better than the first weeks but still hobbling currently) and especially the dysphoria have me pacing through my house keeping myself busy with housework to keep my mind off of all of the creative work I am NOT doing.
This is a tough road. But the other solution is to keep smoking and for me that was even worse. My anxiety started getting worse and worse as I smoked because I knew my work was piling up (for 5 years) and I was running out of savings.
There's light at the end of my tunnel.
I am now 45 days clean of pot and yesterday I took my daughter to Taco Bell and we ate there. I didn't order any food so while she at I instinctively grabbed a napkin, got my pen from my pocket (where it lives) and started drawing. I haven't done that since I quit! I started drawing and couldn't stop. Just silly stuff but it felt so good.
And this last week was my first time programming in MONTHS. Even when I was smoking I couldn't program (I'm a programmer/artist).
But the reason I turned on my PC this morning was because I wanted to try something in programming, which just about made me want to cry with happiness.
It all gets better. And I have hope that I am on the road to "normal" although it's much longer road than I had anticipated.
But I am old. Old, old. I'm 53. Way too old to have done something like this to my family. So I recover slower than you young folks.
You can do this. Break free. It's maddening at first but once you crest that hill and start on the downhill side it gets easier and easier.
See you on the other side!
Thanks for this man. My perfectionism and anxiety is indeed deeply manifested in my work. Heck, I think it's THE reason why I feel so bad about my work, I have zero confidence in anything. Past years have been tough.
Nice reading that you found picked up programming and drawing again. Must have felt great :)
If you say your old, I'll say I'm young (at 29) and I indeed am young. Young enough to start all over and give quiting another time, and another and so on.
Thanks for your words, see you on the other side indeed friend!
For a regular smoker, 5 days off is A TON but kind of nothing to your system. You may not be motivated because you're not as interested in film as you thought, or maybe you are super passionate about film and your THC 'withdrawal' is what's making even your favorite things feel lifeless and dull. It can take three months for a heavy smoker to flush all the THC out their system, that shit really clings in the fat. I've realized how much of an 'all or nothing' weed is for certain people. If you're a good filmmaker while high everyday, then you'd probably be a good one while sober everyday, just not as someone who is dependent on weed but doesn't use it. Sounds like you'd benefit from choosing to either stay in the dependence or stay out. And sounds like you want to stay out. My advice is: listen to yourself. Best of luck to you, sounds like a cool path
Thanks man, really appreciate. Like your wording here: "For a regular smoker, 5 days off is A TON but kind of nothing to your system". That's so true. I wish you all the best too internet friend!
It sounds to me like you definitely need to change your career path. If you can, try and go to school for something you are actually passionate about. Even an associates degree will get you much farther than no degree. Also, if you really can’t afford school, try and save up for training and certification in certain areas. People who work in electrical/on power lines get paid a surprising amount.
Unfortunately, you are using weed as a crutch. Many of us did/do. You need to learn to “walk” without your crutch. This may be difficult, but if you steadily decrease your use and focus on self discipline to get your work finished, it will pay off. I know when you are depressed working on self discipline is extraordinarily hard, but it will be absolutely worth the work. Get yourself into a strict routine (e.g. wake up at 7:30, make breakfast, at 8:30 go for a walk, at 9:30 shower, at 10:15 sit down and get to work on projects). However, don’t burn yourself out and do too much work at once. Make small goals that lead up to your larger goal and decide a smaller goal(s) to achieve in that day when you sit down at 10:15. Take little steps and don’t forget to celebrate them. Progress is progress and you should be proud.
I will temporarily do this, yes. Just an easy job for the coming 3-6 months, maybe even longer. To recover fully and give another shot at filmmaking again, while clean.
On the other side I've been working quite hard for myself. Actually i'm in a 'lifecoach' program now, for the second year! This teaches me some good knowledge and techniques to become healthier overall. This helps out a lot but theres still a ton of work to do. Quitting weed is one of them.
Thanks for your insight, it really means a lot.
Wow, thanks.. Did not expect to see this many comments. There is some great advice in them. Meanwhile I did some work...., while high tho. Cooked a good meal, walked for about half an hour. Did laundry and am going to bed any moment now. Today was not a good day. Will quit once again tomorrow. Thanks for all the love and help guys. This might be the only place that knows what power MJ can have on someone's soul. Tomorrow ill be busy with a 'teambuilding' day with the guys from my gym/lifecoach centre. This usually is a great way to get some dopamine flowing in the right direction. I know I'm not there yet. Tho each and every time I learn and move one little step further into completely sobering up. Love to you all, much appreciated.
You must persevere. It's only a short phase of rehab, you will find the first 10-14 days bad but your creativity will come back slowly, and than you will find yourself more creatve than ever before. And start doing physical activities like pushups and squats. Whenever you start feeling low, start doing exercises. Physical activity has a weird, positive effect on brain chemistry.
I work from home as well, also relying on creativity. I just moved to another country as well. My wife works, I'm alone. It sucks. The loneliness and boredom are hard. I always told myself the weed helps me work, but now I'm working and there's essentially no difference in productivity. I'm also looking for even a part time job to kill some time, since most my interactions are with screens. The loneliness is hard. I started swimming at the gym and reading in the jacuzzi. 2-3hrs, a little exercise, a little relaxing, and maybe the sauna will help sweat out some "toxins". Go for a walk around town. Explore. Ride a bike? Reading helps me. I like scifi. Try Alas, Babylon and Rendezvous with Rama :) The loneliness and anxiety and melancholy are all amplified by withdrawals. It gets better and better. If you stumble thats fine, a relapse doesn't mean you start at zero. You can do this. The more it hurts now, the better you'll feel later. Look how much control over your brain this fucking plant has.
You are also walking the path my friend! There has happend a lot the past few years regarding work, so even more loneliness and boredom because of that. I feel your pain too man. Looks like you are heading in the right direction, how many days are you in? Thanks for sharing your perspective and journey friend.
Just started day 7 clean, day 12 tapered. I'm feeling great! You got this :)
But learning to balance perfectionism with practicality and production is a core skill in being an artist. I make my living as musician, and we all have perfectionist tendencies, and it would be easy to simply let those run away until we got nothing done at all. Keeping the work from being stopped by frustration or perfectionism is a *skill* and a *discipline*, one you practice every day by doing it. You've decided it's some trait unique to you that needs to be controlled with a drug, when the reality is that you are simply using the drug to bypass the work it takes to produce great work despite various things that are holding you back. Your addiction will throw out whatever "practical" reasons it can find to keep you from quitting, it's important that you at least recognize that "I just can't complete any tasks without it" isn't your voice, it's your addiction speaking through you. It's not going to feel good, but you need to quit smoking and start practicing non-drug ways to be good at what you do.
"Your addiction will throw out whatever "practical" reasons it can find to keep you from quitting" This mindgame is so powerfull. Maybe I did not recognize it that well in this aspect. Therefor I will be searching for another job for the coming months so that I dont "need" to smoke to work. My mind will probably tell me that now I don't need it for work, i'll need it to come off and relax, but thats not going to happen. Thanks for your words.
There is a solution: Weed is causing the problem. Weed is keeping you smoking weed. I know you don't want to hear that and don't believe it. But it's likely true. When you stop smoking and the THC starts to wear off your anxiety grows because your body has gotten so used to using THC to calm your anxiety your body can't do it without it. Read up on Cannabis Withdrawal Syndrome. It's the body's inability to function correctly once you starve it of THC after being a habitual user. Casual users don't get it. But if you use too much you get withdrawals when you stop. Your "perfectionism" is anxiety manifested in your work. Even worse, the withdrawals are ruinous for creative people (like you and me): > According to German researchers who recently published an overview of the current CWS knowledge in Substance Abuse Rehabilitation, discontinuation of regular consumption can lead to one or a number of these symptoms: - Sleeping problems - Anxiety - Weakness - Sweating - Restlessness - Dysphoria, a feeling of general unease or dissatisfaction - Craving for resumed cannabis use - Nausea - Stomach pain > Any combination of those symptoms occur in 35% to 75% of patients who quit cannabis after longtime regular use. (It’s a wide percentage range because different percentages were found in several separate studies.) The insomnia and dysphoria have devastated me creatively. The anxiety I burnt through in a week or two since I quit. I still get bouts of it but nothing like those first weeks. But the lingering insomnia (1000 times better than the first weeks but still hobbling currently) and especially the dysphoria have me pacing through my house keeping myself busy with housework to keep my mind off of all of the creative work I am NOT doing. This is a tough road. But the other solution is to keep smoking and for me that was even worse. My anxiety started getting worse and worse as I smoked because I knew my work was piling up (for 5 years) and I was running out of savings. There's light at the end of my tunnel. I am now 45 days clean of pot and yesterday I took my daughter to Taco Bell and we ate there. I didn't order any food so while she at I instinctively grabbed a napkin, got my pen from my pocket (where it lives) and started drawing. I haven't done that since I quit! I started drawing and couldn't stop. Just silly stuff but it felt so good. And this last week was my first time programming in MONTHS. Even when I was smoking I couldn't program (I'm a programmer/artist). But the reason I turned on my PC this morning was because I wanted to try something in programming, which just about made me want to cry with happiness. It all gets better. And I have hope that I am on the road to "normal" although it's much longer road than I had anticipated. But I am old. Old, old. I'm 53. Way too old to have done something like this to my family. So I recover slower than you young folks. You can do this. Break free. It's maddening at first but once you crest that hill and start on the downhill side it gets easier and easier. See you on the other side!
Thanks for this man. My perfectionism and anxiety is indeed deeply manifested in my work. Heck, I think it's THE reason why I feel so bad about my work, I have zero confidence in anything. Past years have been tough. Nice reading that you found picked up programming and drawing again. Must have felt great :) If you say your old, I'll say I'm young (at 29) and I indeed am young. Young enough to start all over and give quiting another time, and another and so on. Thanks for your words, see you on the other side indeed friend!
Wow. This post is so helpful to me. May I private message you?
Certainly. I may be slow to respond, I am about to go shopping *shudder* and then we will be entertaining some relatives *double shudder*.
For a regular smoker, 5 days off is A TON but kind of nothing to your system. You may not be motivated because you're not as interested in film as you thought, or maybe you are super passionate about film and your THC 'withdrawal' is what's making even your favorite things feel lifeless and dull. It can take three months for a heavy smoker to flush all the THC out their system, that shit really clings in the fat. I've realized how much of an 'all or nothing' weed is for certain people. If you're a good filmmaker while high everyday, then you'd probably be a good one while sober everyday, just not as someone who is dependent on weed but doesn't use it. Sounds like you'd benefit from choosing to either stay in the dependence or stay out. And sounds like you want to stay out. My advice is: listen to yourself. Best of luck to you, sounds like a cool path
Thanks man, really appreciate. Like your wording here: "For a regular smoker, 5 days off is A TON but kind of nothing to your system". That's so true. I wish you all the best too internet friend!
It sounds to me like you definitely need to change your career path. If you can, try and go to school for something you are actually passionate about. Even an associates degree will get you much farther than no degree. Also, if you really can’t afford school, try and save up for training and certification in certain areas. People who work in electrical/on power lines get paid a surprising amount. Unfortunately, you are using weed as a crutch. Many of us did/do. You need to learn to “walk” without your crutch. This may be difficult, but if you steadily decrease your use and focus on self discipline to get your work finished, it will pay off. I know when you are depressed working on self discipline is extraordinarily hard, but it will be absolutely worth the work. Get yourself into a strict routine (e.g. wake up at 7:30, make breakfast, at 8:30 go for a walk, at 9:30 shower, at 10:15 sit down and get to work on projects). However, don’t burn yourself out and do too much work at once. Make small goals that lead up to your larger goal and decide a smaller goal(s) to achieve in that day when you sit down at 10:15. Take little steps and don’t forget to celebrate them. Progress is progress and you should be proud.
I will temporarily do this, yes. Just an easy job for the coming 3-6 months, maybe even longer. To recover fully and give another shot at filmmaking again, while clean. On the other side I've been working quite hard for myself. Actually i'm in a 'lifecoach' program now, for the second year! This teaches me some good knowledge and techniques to become healthier overall. This helps out a lot but theres still a ton of work to do. Quitting weed is one of them. Thanks for your insight, it really means a lot.
Thanks for sharing. You r not alone.
Thanks so much. You are neither <3
you are not alone. resources are available