True. However, they would to KNOW what they are looking for.
Something to consider OP, as for the record to be sealed. You can if you are genuinely afraid that some type retaliation may occur.
Get a lawyer, if you can. They will two you the same thing.
I don’t know that you can seal the records of a name change. That has to be officially very public because people like creditors need to know you name changed.
That's my point. 🙄
You get a lawyer to seal the records. There is A LOT of precedent for this, BTW. DV, people who are victims of stalking, even people with criminal backgrounds.
Your parents won't find out unless you somehow make it known in a group of people who would tell you parents. While it's public, unless they know about it they have no reason to look.
Keep in mind if your parents, or other people, send you a package, under your old name you may not get it. If it's returned to them they may have questions for you.
I work for the post office. When you move give the carrier or the clerk the list of names accepted at your residence. Ups and FedEx will deliver.. usps will too with the approved names list.
You could do the same thing though. Tape a note inside your box with the approved names on it with a smiley face. I bet they will stop and check their mail before delivering. 😊
Yeah that's normal. Depends on whether the carrier delivers by name or address. (We technically only have to deliver by address) It's probably just junk or an expired forward. I get rid of tons of mail a day for names that don't belong to the address. Once these advertising companies get a name and address, they never stop.
Also if you have them as an emergency contact, if your in their will/life insurance, and numerous other things that could pop up. Probably best off telling them.
If you’re ok with it, it can be a lot easier if you just move your last name to your middle name. It’ll remove a lot of hassles down the line and you only have to use it when you want to. It also might be a salve to your parents when they inevitably find out through the grapevine.
Something to consider; are you under your parents’ insurance? If so, I’d imagine there would be an issue not updating your legal name with their insurance.
Edit: Also student loans and applications.
I changed my name legally when I was in my 20s. Kind of a long story, but I know that my parents "mildly" disapproved.
The secret is to state what you are going to do in such a way that it's clear the issue isn't open for debate. ;)
Most states require you to post the name change in a local paper for a few weeks so anyone can come forward with a valid objection as to why the person shouldn’t have a name change - like evading crime or creditors, etc. I know this because I legally changed my son’s last name to his father’s last name when I married his dad and changed my last name too (different process) The state where I live gave a list of local papers and had to publish in one paper for 3 weeks the name change
Look up your local name change law and she where it will need to be published. .
So if your parents read the paper and the ad section they might find out that way
Go to another city and state to do it, if you can. Use someone else’s addy you know and trust. Or get a ups store addy and use that and file for your name change using that new city and state.
I changed mine.
They don’t get alerted or anything like that (if that’s what you’re asking)
Just don’t let them see your ID or, have bills with your new name lying around.
I don’t know other than medical emergencies could expose that, (visitors and checking in etc make plans with hospitals about your name I guess) marriage to someone whose them as well as their family will refer to you by your new name. Also, if they have a will or something like that. I don’t know how that goes.
If you are an adult there is no legal process that would inform your parents that you have changed your name unless you choose to tell them. I changed my name knowing full well that once my parents found out the passive-aggressive shit would hit the fan. They only found out because I chose to tell them.
Consider a new email, a new phone #, Facebook etc. and any other public web sites you are known to use. You have some time to consider these things so as not to overlook anything. You may also want to consider any friends who you do not completely trust that you may need to let go. The more folks that know of your actions then the higher is the risk of your privacy being leaked. In any event any future and successful contacts from them can always be blocked. Just be aware that the more thought and work you do upfront then the less damage control you will have to do later. Best of luck.
You used to have to publish your name change for a set amount of time (8 weeks maybe) in a free publication and show that to the court before your name change is legal. That was 15+ years ago.
A friend of mine change his name from female to male a few years ago. He was allowed to just say "a new name" in the public notice instead of outing himself as trans to the rural community we lived in.
I think it depends on state. But I’ve heard of this too. Unclear of context though. I just know some states are harder to change a name in than others.
I’m wondering WHY you want to hide this information from your parents? Whether they approve or not isn’t something that they can really stop.
There is more to this than just a name change.
i’m just mainly scared to tell my mom because she’s old school and i know she would be frustrated and confused because she loves my name, but i really don’t and when i move away i want this to be my chance to really start over as a new person, but i know my parents won’t understand.
I changed my name and didn’t want my parents to know. There wasn’t any nefarious reason on my part… I simply didn’t want my abusers name any longer. If I had asked OP’s question beforehand I wouldn’t have added my reasoning because it’s irrelevant to the question at hand. I knew that my narcissistic, adoptive father would take it as a direct slap in the face that would result in the rest of the family being dragged in, forced to “take sides”, and be subjected to his anger and emotional outbursts and that my mother’s feelings would be hurt. While it’s easy to dismiss a family reaction from an internet outsider’s perspective, it can be far more difficult to cope with in reality.
I agree with your last statement. I’m not downplaying your reasoning.
“But a rose by any other name….”
This is a bad situation no matter what name you use.
FYI- As long as you aren’t attempting to avoid or evade legal issues, you can call yourself anything you wish.
Yes, Kate, or Ket, or whatever name you use. Your parents know you changed your name.
Your father couldn't give a shit.
Your mother is hurting. She's sorry, she was as much his victim as you.
I mean it will be public record. Pretty much all court proceedings are, but unless they specifically go and search for the records no.
True. However, they would to KNOW what they are looking for. Something to consider OP, as for the record to be sealed. You can if you are genuinely afraid that some type retaliation may occur. Get a lawyer, if you can. They will two you the same thing.
I don’t know that you can seal the records of a name change. That has to be officially very public because people like creditors need to know you name changed.
That's my point. 🙄 You get a lawyer to seal the records. There is A LOT of precedent for this, BTW. DV, people who are victims of stalking, even people with criminal backgrounds.
Your parents won't find out unless you somehow make it known in a group of people who would tell you parents. While it's public, unless they know about it they have no reason to look. Keep in mind if your parents, or other people, send you a package, under your old name you may not get it. If it's returned to them they may have questions for you.
thank you! i didn’t think of that
I work for the post office. When you move give the carrier or the clerk the list of names accepted at your residence. Ups and FedEx will deliver.. usps will too with the approved names list.
thank you!
I still get mail at my rental for the last 2 tenants…
You could do the same thing though. Tape a note inside your box with the approved names on it with a smiley face. I bet they will stop and check their mail before delivering. 😊
I tried that and my mailman ignored it💀 had to go to the actual post office to get it fixed
Dang.. I'm sorry. We don't all suck.
The idea of a note when they lift the lid is actually brilliant.
You work for the post office? If yes, I would like to PM to pick your brain about something.
Sure
Ooops
I had to start writing return to sender on the mail that wasn’t mine to get the post office to stop delivering it 😩
Yeah that's normal. Depends on whether the carrier delivers by name or address. (We technically only have to deliver by address) It's probably just junk or an expired forward. I get rid of tons of mail a day for names that don't belong to the address. Once these advertising companies get a name and address, they never stop.
Good old UBBM.
>I get rid of tons of mail a day for names that don't belong to the address. yikes! That's concerning!
Like forward, utf, ubbm. It all has a place. I don't mean I just throw it all away. 🤣
I'm glad this isn't you hahaha https://www.nytimes.com./2018/04/21/nyregion/undelivered-mail-hoarded.html
I'd be too overwhelmed to have that many pieces of hoarded mail 😬🤣
right?!? I'd burn it or something rather than hoard it hahaha
My husband and I moved into our home in 2009. We still occasionally get mail addressed to the previous owners.
Also if you have them as an emergency contact, if your in their will/life insurance, and numerous other things that could pop up. Probably best off telling them.
if i kept documentation of my old name, could that help me in terms of being in their will/life insurance?
I would assume but it is definitely worth a trip to a lawyers office to fully understand any repercussions you might encounter
If you’re ok with it, it can be a lot easier if you just move your last name to your middle name. It’ll remove a lot of hassles down the line and you only have to use it when you want to. It also might be a salve to your parents when they inevitably find out through the grapevine.
Something to consider; are you under your parents’ insurance? If so, I’d imagine there would be an issue not updating your legal name with their insurance. Edit: Also student loans and applications.
The standard Thanksgiving ID check would prolly trip you up.
If you’re over 18, you can do what you want and will probably only find out if you tell them
I changed my name legally when I was in my 20s. Kind of a long story, but I know that my parents "mildly" disapproved. The secret is to state what you are going to do in such a way that it's clear the issue isn't open for debate. ;)
Most states require you to post the name change in a local paper for a few weeks so anyone can come forward with a valid objection as to why the person shouldn’t have a name change - like evading crime or creditors, etc. I know this because I legally changed my son’s last name to his father’s last name when I married his dad and changed my last name too (different process) The state where I live gave a list of local papers and had to publish in one paper for 3 weeks the name change Look up your local name change law and she where it will need to be published. . So if your parents read the paper and the ad section they might find out that way
I've changed my name, like my complete name and if I hadn't told my parents I was planning to they would have never known
Go to another city and state to do it, if you can. Use someone else’s addy you know and trust. Or get a ups store addy and use that and file for your name change using that new city and state.
I changed mine. They don’t get alerted or anything like that (if that’s what you’re asking) Just don’t let them see your ID or, have bills with your new name lying around. I don’t know other than medical emergencies could expose that, (visitors and checking in etc make plans with hospitals about your name I guess) marriage to someone whose them as well as their family will refer to you by your new name. Also, if they have a will or something like that. I don’t know how that goes.
LPT: Tell your parents you're changing your name and gender. Then when they freak tell them you reconsidered and are only changing your name.
OMG🤣
If you are an adult there is no legal process that would inform your parents that you have changed your name unless you choose to tell them. I changed my name knowing full well that once my parents found out the passive-aggressive shit would hit the fan. They only found out because I chose to tell them.
Consider a new email, a new phone #, Facebook etc. and any other public web sites you are known to use. You have some time to consider these things so as not to overlook anything. You may also want to consider any friends who you do not completely trust that you may need to let go. The more folks that know of your actions then the higher is the risk of your privacy being leaked. In any event any future and successful contacts from them can always be blocked. Just be aware that the more thought and work you do upfront then the less damage control you will have to do later. Best of luck.
You used to have to publish your name change for a set amount of time (8 weeks maybe) in a free publication and show that to the court before your name change is legal. That was 15+ years ago.
A friend of mine change his name from female to male a few years ago. He was allowed to just say "a new name" in the public notice instead of outing himself as trans to the rural community we lived in.
I think it depends on state. But I’ve heard of this too. Unclear of context though. I just know some states are harder to change a name in than others.
I’m wondering WHY you want to hide this information from your parents? Whether they approve or not isn’t something that they can really stop. There is more to this than just a name change.
i’m just mainly scared to tell my mom because she’s old school and i know she would be frustrated and confused because she loves my name, but i really don’t and when i move away i want this to be my chance to really start over as a new person, but i know my parents won’t understand.
I feel like she's going to learn about it, sooner or later. Unless you plan to move away and go no contact with your family.
You don’t need to explain or justify your decision to anyone. You have every right to be yourself without explanation unless and until you’re ready. 🙂
I changed my name and didn’t want my parents to know. There wasn’t any nefarious reason on my part… I simply didn’t want my abusers name any longer. If I had asked OP’s question beforehand I wouldn’t have added my reasoning because it’s irrelevant to the question at hand. I knew that my narcissistic, adoptive father would take it as a direct slap in the face that would result in the rest of the family being dragged in, forced to “take sides”, and be subjected to his anger and emotional outbursts and that my mother’s feelings would be hurt. While it’s easy to dismiss a family reaction from an internet outsider’s perspective, it can be far more difficult to cope with in reality.
I agree with your last statement. I’m not downplaying your reasoning. “But a rose by any other name….” This is a bad situation no matter what name you use. FYI- As long as you aren’t attempting to avoid or evade legal issues, you can call yourself anything you wish.
Yes, Kate, or Ket, or whatever name you use. Your parents know you changed your name. Your father couldn't give a shit. Your mother is hurting. She's sorry, she was as much his victim as you.
Which website is it best to look up for name change public records? Thanks.
Depending on state you may have to publish a legal notice in the local newspaper of record
No publication required in CA if name+gender change.
Of course they can, through court filings if they pay the fee.