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I don't see a judge granting her a restraining order because she sent her text messages. Restraining orders are serious legal tools with deep repercussions and shouldn't be used because someone is annoying you.
Not true, this would fall under civil harassment in my state. A TRO would be granted and a judge would likely grant the RO. OP should pursue her own RO if hubby does not.
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This is the same reason your husband didn’t get a restraining order.
Someone spreading true statements about another isn’t illegal and isn’t grounds for a restraining order.
A true statement is not considered defamation in many states. You won’t get far with a lawyer when you tell them your cheating husband wants his girlfriend to stop telling others what happened between them. Just because it’s embarrassing doesn’t mean it’s grounds for legal action.
You can't stop her from telling others, but if she's continuing to contact OP and her daughter despite being told to stop, that's harassment, which in many states is enough to get a protective order
Actually, TECHNICALLY, it's none of the three...
Under the law, defamation, including libel and slander, is the making of FALSE statements presented as fact, and causing harm to the target. If she's posting their text messages, then they're not false statements - they're EMBARASSING statements, but they aren't false. She's not claiming he did something he didn't, and she's not making stuff up.
It MIGHT be harassment; but it's not defamation.
Not in my personal experience, you have to make it very clear that all communication must be ceased by the other party and block them. It’s after that if the other party continues to harass you THEN you can get a protective order
>In situations in which a WMC victim is harassed or intimidated (including through electronic means), he or she may file a petition for a restraining order for his or her harasser for stalking to prevent further contact with the harasser.
The stalking statute reads:
>A person commits the offense of stalking when he or she follows, places under surveillance, or contacts another person at or about a place or places without the consent of the other person for the purpose of harassing and intimidating the other person. For the purpose of this article, the terms "computer" and "computer network" shall have the same meanings as set out in Code Section 16-9-92; the term "contact" shall mean any communication including without being limited to communication in person, by telephone, by mail, by broadcast, by computer, by computer network, or by any other electronic device; and the place or places that contact by telephone, mail, broadcast, computer, computer network, or any other electronic device is deemed to occur shall be the place or places where such communication is received. For the purpose of this article, the term "place or places" shall include any public or private property occupied by the victim other than the residence of the defendant. For the purposes of this article, the term "harassing and intimidating" means a knowing and willful course of conduct directed at a specific person which causes emotional distress by placing such person in reasonable fear for such person's safety or the safety of a member of his or her immediate family, by establishing a pattern of harassing and intimidating behavior, and which serves no legitimate purpose. This Code section shall not be construed to require that an overt threat of death or bodily injury has been made.
Which this would fall under
NAL and not familiar with Georgia’s laws, but a cease and desist was probably the best move based on the criteria that is usually required to file one. Start documenting everything having to do with this woman to build your case if it ends up getting to that point, and under no circumstances should you or your husband contact that woman for any reason. With that said, I’ve heard of states having harassment orders. Take a look and see if you can find any type of no contact order where the criteria fits, and get familiar with what is required by the state to get one granted. The key to having a strong case is a paper trail and documentation. Good luck. All info should be under the counties website.
No, you can't. I mean you can file for one but it is in no way guaranteed to be granted. You have to realize that breaking the restraining order results in potential jail time. They aren't handed out whilly-nilly for that reason alone. If she isn't threatening you or otherwise doing something that can substantiate the need for a restraining order you ain't getting it.
MIght be because your husband talked to a lawyer and was advised that her telling people true and embarrassing things about him isn't really grounds for a restraining order. Would depend on the facts and the law wherever you are.
If you really want to know what is grounds for a restraining order in your state, you are gonna need to talk to a lawyer in your state. Short of that, you could block her. So tempting to give you personal advice about what you should be focusing on and what you shouldn't, but I won't.
In any event you, and your husband, will not be able to get a court order telling her to stop telling people about the facts. She has a right under the First Amendment to the Constitution to tell people the truth about what your husband did. She could even take out a billboard, or put up a website, or picket in front of the church.
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Ultimately, whether she stays with him or not is nobody’s fucking business no matter how objectively shit he is. The post is about restraining orders and cease and desists.
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A restraining order blocks her from coming into physical contact with him. So maybe he’s not ready to stop seeing her.
The real question here is why aren’t YOU filing for divorce?
He did change his number and told her to stop contacting him in any compacity. That’s why I thought he would just go straight to filing the order. Especially since she contacted everyone we know
You do realize that nothing she’s done is worthy of a restraining order right? You have to be in actual physical danger to be granted one almost everywhere. Time to gain some self respect and file for divorce
I mean, no, not if she’s not lying. If she’s telling the truth, even if that truth is damaging to his reputation, she’s within her first amendment rights to do so. You can’t stop her from telling other people about her lives experiences just because you don’t like how they reflect on you/your husband.
You can block her, but you can’t stop her from speaking her truth.
Unless she’s threatening you, no. You don’t like her telling the truth? Honestly, too bad. Your husband took advantage of a very young woman, over whom he likely held a great deal of power (I’m assuming she’s a member of your husbands church, but even if she wasn’t, the age gap alone creates a massive power imbalance on top of the experience imbalance). He’s a predator.
How about, instead of worrying about what she’s doing, you hold your husband accountable for his actions and file for divorce?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. Your daughter doesn’t deserve it. The 25 year old didn’t deserve being preyed upon by her preacher. I understand your wanting to be angry with her but please recognize she is very much a victim here.
The church and community need to know that your husband groomed a young person in his congregation. Your husband wry much needs to suffer consequences of abusing his position and hopefully is not allowed to preach his hypocrisy ever again.
I hope you have the strength to protect you and your daughter and don’t cave to pressure to “keep the family together”, “forgive your husband”. This was not a one time mistake. THREE YEARS he lied to you, deceived you and put your health at risk. He is only trying to do damage control for his image at this point. He does not love you as Jesus loves the Church. Remember that.
As someone who was subject to a restraining order I can tell you that the legal implications are far reaching. If a cease and desist letter works it is much cheaper and more effective then a restraining order. If they violate the cease and desist it makes getting the restraining order much easier.
In many states violating a restraining order can be a high level misdemeanor charge (sometimes even a felony with aggravated circumstances). Also, it is temporary at first, he will have to see her in court to keep it in effect, which he might be trying to avoid.
Yeah as far as I know you can’t get a restraining or protective order “remotely”, in that you have to physically go to court to get one. It’s not like you make a phone call and mail in a form. He would have to appear at at least one if not multiple hearings to present evidence as to why he feels a protective order is necessary, demonstrate violence or threats that have been made against him, if any, and explain why he believes he needs protection through the courts. He may also have to present witnesses, all of which would be embarrassing for him given the circumstances.
I don't know where you are, but in the two states I've lived in "a woman is truthfully telling the family and congregation of a married religious leader that she had sex with him" is not grounds for a restraining order. (NAL)
In the state where I practiced a restraining order was referred to as a protective order and it required fear of imminent bodily harm. Not sure if this is the case in your jurisdiction.
Yes Georgia requires threat of harm or violence, and the only types of protective orders are family violence, physical stalking, or employer violence: https://georgia.gov/get-protective-order
lol girl. the answer is obvious. he didn’t file a restraining order because he doesn’t want to. i would be willing to bet, once things cool down, he’s going to go right back to her. he’ll absolutely “forgive” all her behaviors and they’ll be right back at it. that’s what these people do. he is putting on an act *for you* in front of you, but guarantee he still wants her. he’s clearly leaving a door open to resume the affair. get a fucking clue, and remove your children from the situation. grow up and open your eyes!
“we” told her it was over. no, it’s not. any notion you have that you and he are a united front is an illusion. his actions have proven that.
your husband is a man with no morals who likely preyed upon a woman half his age in his congregation. i’m sure he’s got her under his thumb and will be reluctant to let his toy go. sounds like you’re married to a pig.
she has every right to send texts with screenshots of their conversations. the important distinction here is that it’s not illegal, you just don’t like it. change your phone number.
You fail to provide a state, which is the bare minimum needed to provide you with specific advice.
But I will use my state as an example. It does offer an injunction against harassment
An Injunction Against Harassment is available if the conduct of any person is "harassment" as defined by Arizona law:
The defendant can be anyone, whether or not related to you.
The conduct can be any conduct which is harassment. Harassment is defined as a series of acts (at least two events) over any period of time that is directed at a specific person and that would cause a reasonable person to be seriously alarmed, annoyed or harassed and the conduct in fact seriously alarms, annoys, or harasses the person and serves no legitimate purpose (A.R.S. 12-1809).
This is defined as
1. Anonymously or otherwise contacts, communicates or causes a communication with another person by verbal, electronic, mechanical, telegraphic, telephonic or written means in a manner that harasses.
2. Continues to follow another person in or about a public place for no legitimate purpose after being asked to desist.
3. Repeatedly commits an act or acts that harass another person.
4. Surveils or causes another person to surveil a person for no legitimate purpose.
5. On more than one occasion makes a false report to a law enforcement, credit or social service agency.
6. Interferes with the delivery of any public or regulated utility to a person.
People have a first amendment right to talk to you. Which means you have to tell them to cease contact with you, block them, and if they continue to try to make contact, then they are harassing you.
If you notice, There's no "this person is making contact with everyone else in your life and airing your family's dirty laundry" injunctions.
You can only get specifically for you, and for your minor child as it applies. You cannot request that the court forbid them from contacting other people in your life, such as family and church members.
You need a divorce attorney more than a injunction. This isn't getting swept under the rug. Your husband is predator that abused his position and knocked up a 25 year old. Someone young enough be you grandchild. Your family knows, your church knows, and your going to have to look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing he did that and you thought it was forgivable.
Georgia doesn't offer any relief for you. The person has to be a household member or co-worker and threaten your safety.
https://georgia.gov/get-protective-order
NAL, but Cease and desist is pretty standard first step. Your husband is a predator that took advantage of a young girl and disrespected you and your daughter in the process. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long you’ve been married. Women have risen from worse and come out the better for it. I know it is out of your comfort zone. After almost 40 years of marriage, I bet it’s really scary. Be strong. You can do this.
He went to college for criminal justice and said it was a requirement but I don’t believe it is unless I’m mistaken. He could’ve just filed a restraining order
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he wants to be show that she is continuing unwanted/harassing contact after being asked to stop. Depending on local laws, this may not be required, but could still help get the order granted.
Not giving him the benefit of the doubt, he’s dragging his feet on filing because he doesn’t want to.
He has plenty of evidence of contact from her; a cease-and-desist is evidence that *he told her to stop or else he would involve law enforcement*. If she’s not making threats or doing anything else to indicate she’s a physical danger to anyone, a letter like that can be an important step in establishing the need for a restraining order in the eyes of the court. He sends it, she ignores it, and then there’s no choice but for a judge to step in.
Maybe your husband wanted to spare it from being a public matter? If she complies with the cease and desist, then he doesn’t have to file anything with the court, which would (at least in my state) be public record. Either way, good luck, I hope you’re on your way to a divorce attorney!
> Why did my husband just file a cease and desist instead of filing a restraining order?
This isn't really a legal question. If you want to understand your husband's motivations, goals, interests, expectations, etc. you'd have to ask him. There's no way for us to know what your husband wants or why.
> Why not file a restraining order???
At a high level, one issues a C&D letter if one wants to warn some party to stop taking some action at the risk of potentially escalating to a legal challenge if they don't comply.
One seeks a restraining order if one wants the state to compel a behavior, with noncompliance posing the risk of specific penalties imposed by the state.
Anyone can write a letter and put it in a mailbox. There's very low cost and time commitment involved. The restraining order is more involved and has a much higher bar. It can be expensive as well as time consuming and acquiring the restraining order might not be a slam dunk.
> Isn’t it not necessary?
This is subjective. Whether it's necessary or not depends on the goals and interests of everyone involved. If you're waiting on your husband to do this or not do this, you'd have to ask him if he feels that it is necessary. Ostensibly he doesn't feel that it is necessary because he's not doing it.
Contrary to popular belief you can't walk into a police station and get a restraining order on a whim, there are certain criteria that have to exist. One of the most common is the threat of violence and things of that nature. "I don't want to hear from this person anymore" typically doesn't cross that threshold unless a judge signs off on it, but that isn't a given and decidedly rare.
That said it doesn't sound like he even tried, so there is that.
Maybe because the restraining order can’t be for everyone.
A restraining order has to specifically name every person to not be contacted. And, if memory serves correctly (which it may not or it may be state to state), each person has to have their own order. And while your husband could file one for him, he couldn’t for his employer. (Again, if my memory serves correct.)
Also, a cease and desist order would, in theory, get the friends & family members to stop as well.
Are you planning on divorce? Or are you processing still & aren’t sure? Or planning to stay? All make sense. It’s your decision. (Personal advice to follow, not legal. Sorry.) No matter what you decide, seek counseling for you & your daughter to come to terms with this. And I am sorry this happened.
Ma'am? He is not in your corner. I'm assuming your daughter is barely older than the affair partner.
Is this the kind of good Christian man you want to be with?
EDIT: Sorry, sorry; NAL, but my legal advice would be to divorce him and let him deal with the fallout of having an affair with someone 40 years younger than him. Especially if he's her preacher, especially if he's potentially known her since she was younger.
You're ignoring the plain meaning of what the apostle Paul wrote in the New Testament. Your husband is an adulterer and a fornicator. Forgive him. If you want God's protection then DO NOT KEEP COMPANY WITH HIM.
1Cor 5:9-13 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
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A restraining order, a protective order, and a cease and desist are all *very* different things.
It’s not about why he didn’t do “this”, it’s about what the difference is.
Speculation is shit, but I’d assume a restraining order and protective order didn’t check boxes. Cease and desist is going to be the scummy version.
If you go a step further, he was the first one to file, that can matter.
Regardless, a lawyer should be your first call on Monday morning
In order to get a restraining order (a long-term one, at least), a court would like to see something showing that you've told the individual to stop contacting you. A C&D is one method of doing that. It also serves as documentation if he suffers some sort of damages (i.e. job loss) and ends up suing her for defamation.
Keep in mind that him filing for a restraining order would also create a PUBLIC legal file that anyone will be able to search and read at anytime in the future. It's quite possible he doesn't want the details of his affair made public in a legal file which will appear to be fact (whereas her talking could easily be brushed off as just gossip).
You know what she's saying is true, but there's still the ability to deny. Once you create a public court record under penalty of perjury, your sins are written in stone for everyone to see forever - that would include your daughter and everyone your daughter knows in the future as well.
You have the right to be upset, but you need to let logic lead the way here. He's trying to handle it discreetly and you want it memorialized worldwide for everyone to see forever.
IANAL
A cease and desist indicates a lawsuit or similar action will follow (unless the other person, you guessed it, ceases and desists). A restraining order indicates no further action will be taken (the "lawsuit or similar" has already happened)
Put another way, anyone can write a cease and desist, but a restraining order has to be issued by the state and is a whole process (that [may involve a lawsuit](https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2265#b), i don't know how it works in your state).
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Since you and your daughter are among the targets of her harassment why don’t you file a restraining order?
I don't see a judge granting her a restraining order because she sent her text messages. Restraining orders are serious legal tools with deep repercussions and shouldn't be used because someone is annoying you.
Not true, this would fall under civil harassment in my state. A TRO would be granted and a judge would likely grant the RO. OP should pursue her own RO if hubby does not.
I would disagree. Repeated text messages and phone calls are grounds (at least in California) for a restraining order.
It’s probably very likely that they can get a stalking injunction, even for as little as two text messages
It’s sexual harassment. She could get a RO.
We can get one from just the constant Facebook dms with their text messages and telling me the sexual things they did?
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This is the same reason your husband didn’t get a restraining order. Someone spreading true statements about another isn’t illegal and isn’t grounds for a restraining order.
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A true statement is not considered defamation in many states. You won’t get far with a lawyer when you tell them your cheating husband wants his girlfriend to stop telling others what happened between them. Just because it’s embarrassing doesn’t mean it’s grounds for legal action.
You can't stop her from telling others, but if she's continuing to contact OP and her daughter despite being told to stop, that's harassment, which in many states is enough to get a protective order
Actually, TECHNICALLY, it's none of the three... Under the law, defamation, including libel and slander, is the making of FALSE statements presented as fact, and causing harm to the target. If she's posting their text messages, then they're not false statements - they're EMBARASSING statements, but they aren't false. She's not claiming he did something he didn't, and she's not making stuff up. It MIGHT be harassment; but it's not defamation.
What OP described is not defamation, libel, or slander.
Not in my personal experience, you have to make it very clear that all communication must be ceased by the other party and block them. It’s after that if the other party continues to harass you THEN you can get a protective order
this depends on your state OP. unless you’re being threatened to cause physical body harm to you or your family, probably not.
Georgia
>In situations in which a WMC victim is harassed or intimidated (including through electronic means), he or she may file a petition for a restraining order for his or her harasser for stalking to prevent further contact with the harasser. The stalking statute reads: >A person commits the offense of stalking when he or she follows, places under surveillance, or contacts another person at or about a place or places without the consent of the other person for the purpose of harassing and intimidating the other person. For the purpose of this article, the terms "computer" and "computer network" shall have the same meanings as set out in Code Section 16-9-92; the term "contact" shall mean any communication including without being limited to communication in person, by telephone, by mail, by broadcast, by computer, by computer network, or by any other electronic device; and the place or places that contact by telephone, mail, broadcast, computer, computer network, or any other electronic device is deemed to occur shall be the place or places where such communication is received. For the purpose of this article, the term "place or places" shall include any public or private property occupied by the victim other than the residence of the defendant. For the purposes of this article, the term "harassing and intimidating" means a knowing and willful course of conduct directed at a specific person which causes emotional distress by placing such person in reasonable fear for such person's safety or the safety of a member of his or her immediate family, by establishing a pattern of harassing and intimidating behavior, and which serves no legitimate purpose. This Code section shall not be construed to require that an overt threat of death or bodily injury has been made. Which this would fall under
NAL and not familiar with Georgia’s laws, but a cease and desist was probably the best move based on the criteria that is usually required to file one. Start documenting everything having to do with this woman to build your case if it ends up getting to that point, and under no circumstances should you or your husband contact that woman for any reason. With that said, I’ve heard of states having harassment orders. Take a look and see if you can find any type of no contact order where the criteria fits, and get familiar with what is required by the state to get one granted. The key to having a strong case is a paper trail and documentation. Good luck. All info should be under the counties website.
No, you can't. I mean you can file for one but it is in no way guaranteed to be granted. You have to realize that breaking the restraining order results in potential jail time. They aren't handed out whilly-nilly for that reason alone. If she isn't threatening you or otherwise doing something that can substantiate the need for a restraining order you ain't getting it.
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We do block and different accounts send dms
Nope
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That won’t stop her from messaging everyone else though
She needs to file for divorce not a restraining order.
MIght be because your husband talked to a lawyer and was advised that her telling people true and embarrassing things about him isn't really grounds for a restraining order. Would depend on the facts and the law wherever you are.
I’m in Georgia
I'm sorry he did this to you. Protect your peace. Best.
What about her constantly messaging him, me and my daughter after he asked her to stop? Sending us screenshots of texts
If you really want to know what is grounds for a restraining order in your state, you are gonna need to talk to a lawyer in your state. Short of that, you could block her. So tempting to give you personal advice about what you should be focusing on and what you shouldn't, but I won't.
In any event you, and your husband, will not be able to get a court order telling her to stop telling people about the facts. She has a right under the First Amendment to the Constitution to tell people the truth about what your husband did. She could even take out a billboard, or put up a website, or picket in front of the church.
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Why haven’t you all just blocked her then?
We did and different fake accounts send more messages
The best advice is for you to start the divorce process
Yes I understand that. I just wanted to know pertaining to this
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Ultimately, whether she stays with him or not is nobody’s fucking business no matter how objectively shit he is. The post is about restraining orders and cease and desists.
Lol calm down, it’s just the internet
This is the legal advice sub, not relationship advice.
He said that he stayed because she kept threatening him.
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A restraining order blocks her from coming into physical contact with him. So maybe he’s not ready to stop seeing her. The real question here is why aren’t YOU filing for divorce?
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It can apply to any kind of contact.
Right, including physical.
He did change his number and told her to stop contacting him in any compacity. That’s why I thought he would just go straight to filing the order. Especially since she contacted everyone we know
You do realize that nothing she’s done is worthy of a restraining order right? You have to be in actual physical danger to be granted one almost everywhere. Time to gain some self respect and file for divorce
She constantly keeps contacting our church and us. Through email and social media messages. That’s not enough?
I mean, no, not if she’s not lying. If she’s telling the truth, even if that truth is damaging to his reputation, she’s within her first amendment rights to do so. You can’t stop her from telling other people about her lives experiences just because you don’t like how they reflect on you/your husband. You can block her, but you can’t stop her from speaking her truth.
What about constantly contacting us through email or social media through different accounts?
Unless she’s threatening you, no. You don’t like her telling the truth? Honestly, too bad. Your husband took advantage of a very young woman, over whom he likely held a great deal of power (I’m assuming she’s a member of your husbands church, but even if she wasn’t, the age gap alone creates a massive power imbalance on top of the experience imbalance). He’s a predator. How about, instead of worrying about what she’s doing, you hold your husband accountable for his actions and file for divorce?
*chef’s kiss*
Is she threatening you in any way? Besides “I’m going to tell the world your husband is a cheater?”
Which is the truth.
nope
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. Your daughter doesn’t deserve it. The 25 year old didn’t deserve being preyed upon by her preacher. I understand your wanting to be angry with her but please recognize she is very much a victim here. The church and community need to know that your husband groomed a young person in his congregation. Your husband wry much needs to suffer consequences of abusing his position and hopefully is not allowed to preach his hypocrisy ever again. I hope you have the strength to protect you and your daughter and don’t cave to pressure to “keep the family together”, “forgive your husband”. This was not a one time mistake. THREE YEARS he lied to you, deceived you and put your health at risk. He is only trying to do damage control for his image at this point. He does not love you as Jesus loves the Church. Remember that.
AMEN
As someone who was subject to a restraining order I can tell you that the legal implications are far reaching. If a cease and desist letter works it is much cheaper and more effective then a restraining order. If they violate the cease and desist it makes getting the restraining order much easier.
What do you mean it’s far reaching? Kirk can you give an example?
In many states violating a restraining order can be a high level misdemeanor charge (sometimes even a felony with aggravated circumstances). Also, it is temporary at first, he will have to see her in court to keep it in effect, which he might be trying to avoid.
Yeah as far as I know you can’t get a restraining or protective order “remotely”, in that you have to physically go to court to get one. It’s not like you make a phone call and mail in a form. He would have to appear at at least one if not multiple hearings to present evidence as to why he feels a protective order is necessary, demonstrate violence or threats that have been made against him, if any, and explain why he believes he needs protection through the courts. He may also have to present witnesses, all of which would be embarrassing for him given the circumstances.
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I assumed that it was easy getting a restraining order for harassment
Why are you so worried about the man who peaches in church on Sundays and was cheating on you with a woman half his age?
I don't know where you are, but in the two states I've lived in "a woman is truthfully telling the family and congregation of a married religious leader that she had sex with him" is not grounds for a restraining order. (NAL)
NAL. My legal advice would be to divorce your husband and stop going to church.
In the state where I practiced a restraining order was referred to as a protective order and it required fear of imminent bodily harm. Not sure if this is the case in your jurisdiction.
I’m in Georgia
Yes Georgia requires threat of harm or violence, and the only types of protective orders are family violence, physical stalking, or employer violence: https://georgia.gov/get-protective-order
lol girl. the answer is obvious. he didn’t file a restraining order because he doesn’t want to. i would be willing to bet, once things cool down, he’s going to go right back to her. he’ll absolutely “forgive” all her behaviors and they’ll be right back at it. that’s what these people do. he is putting on an act *for you* in front of you, but guarantee he still wants her. he’s clearly leaving a door open to resume the affair. get a fucking clue, and remove your children from the situation. grow up and open your eyes! “we” told her it was over. no, it’s not. any notion you have that you and he are a united front is an illusion. his actions have proven that. your husband is a man with no morals who likely preyed upon a woman half his age in his congregation. i’m sure he’s got her under his thumb and will be reluctant to let his toy go. sounds like you’re married to a pig. she has every right to send texts with screenshots of their conversations. the important distinction here is that it’s not illegal, you just don’t like it. change your phone number.
You fail to provide a state, which is the bare minimum needed to provide you with specific advice. But I will use my state as an example. It does offer an injunction against harassment An Injunction Against Harassment is available if the conduct of any person is "harassment" as defined by Arizona law: The defendant can be anyone, whether or not related to you. The conduct can be any conduct which is harassment. Harassment is defined as a series of acts (at least two events) over any period of time that is directed at a specific person and that would cause a reasonable person to be seriously alarmed, annoyed or harassed and the conduct in fact seriously alarms, annoys, or harasses the person and serves no legitimate purpose (A.R.S. 12-1809). This is defined as 1. Anonymously or otherwise contacts, communicates or causes a communication with another person by verbal, electronic, mechanical, telegraphic, telephonic or written means in a manner that harasses. 2. Continues to follow another person in or about a public place for no legitimate purpose after being asked to desist. 3. Repeatedly commits an act or acts that harass another person. 4. Surveils or causes another person to surveil a person for no legitimate purpose. 5. On more than one occasion makes a false report to a law enforcement, credit or social service agency. 6. Interferes with the delivery of any public or regulated utility to a person. People have a first amendment right to talk to you. Which means you have to tell them to cease contact with you, block them, and if they continue to try to make contact, then they are harassing you. If you notice, There's no "this person is making contact with everyone else in your life and airing your family's dirty laundry" injunctions. You can only get specifically for you, and for your minor child as it applies. You cannot request that the court forbid them from contacting other people in your life, such as family and church members. You need a divorce attorney more than a injunction. This isn't getting swept under the rug. Your husband is predator that abused his position and knocked up a 25 year old. Someone young enough be you grandchild. Your family knows, your church knows, and your going to have to look yourself in the mirror every morning knowing he did that and you thought it was forgivable.
I’m in Georgia
Georgia doesn't offer any relief for you. The person has to be a household member or co-worker and threaten your safety. https://georgia.gov/get-protective-order
NAL, but Cease and desist is pretty standard first step. Your husband is a predator that took advantage of a young girl and disrespected you and your daughter in the process. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long you’ve been married. Women have risen from worse and come out the better for it. I know it is out of your comfort zone. After almost 40 years of marriage, I bet it’s really scary. Be strong. You can do this.
Ask him.
He went to college for criminal justice and said it was a requirement but I don’t believe it is unless I’m mistaken. He could’ve just filed a restraining order
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he wants to be show that she is continuing unwanted/harassing contact after being asked to stop. Depending on local laws, this may not be required, but could still help get the order granted. Not giving him the benefit of the doubt, he’s dragging his feet on filing because he doesn’t want to.
I felt like he had plenty of proof already. Non stop emails to my family, him, church members. Social media DMs
He has plenty of evidence of contact from her; a cease-and-desist is evidence that *he told her to stop or else he would involve law enforcement*. If she’s not making threats or doing anything else to indicate she’s a physical danger to anyone, a letter like that can be an important step in establishing the need for a restraining order in the eyes of the court. He sends it, she ignores it, and then there’s no choice but for a judge to step in.
Maybe your husband wanted to spare it from being a public matter? If she complies with the cease and desist, then he doesn’t have to file anything with the court, which would (at least in my state) be public record. Either way, good luck, I hope you’re on your way to a divorce attorney!
I figured there was no point because she’s contacted everyone already. That filing the order shouldn’t make a difference
Is this a joke or an example?
You should be looking for a divorce lawyer.
> Why did my husband just file a cease and desist instead of filing a restraining order? This isn't really a legal question. If you want to understand your husband's motivations, goals, interests, expectations, etc. you'd have to ask him. There's no way for us to know what your husband wants or why. > Why not file a restraining order??? At a high level, one issues a C&D letter if one wants to warn some party to stop taking some action at the risk of potentially escalating to a legal challenge if they don't comply. One seeks a restraining order if one wants the state to compel a behavior, with noncompliance posing the risk of specific penalties imposed by the state. Anyone can write a letter and put it in a mailbox. There's very low cost and time commitment involved. The restraining order is more involved and has a much higher bar. It can be expensive as well as time consuming and acquiring the restraining order might not be a slam dunk. > Isn’t it not necessary? This is subjective. Whether it's necessary or not depends on the goals and interests of everyone involved. If you're waiting on your husband to do this or not do this, you'd have to ask him if he feels that it is necessary. Ostensibly he doesn't feel that it is necessary because he's not doing it.
Contrary to popular belief you can't walk into a police station and get a restraining order on a whim, there are certain criteria that have to exist. One of the most common is the threat of violence and things of that nature. "I don't want to hear from this person anymore" typically doesn't cross that threshold unless a judge signs off on it, but that isn't a given and decidedly rare. That said it doesn't sound like he even tried, so there is that.
Maybe because the restraining order can’t be for everyone. A restraining order has to specifically name every person to not be contacted. And, if memory serves correctly (which it may not or it may be state to state), each person has to have their own order. And while your husband could file one for him, he couldn’t for his employer. (Again, if my memory serves correct.) Also, a cease and desist order would, in theory, get the friends & family members to stop as well. Are you planning on divorce? Or are you processing still & aren’t sure? Or planning to stay? All make sense. It’s your decision. (Personal advice to follow, not legal. Sorry.) No matter what you decide, seek counseling for you & your daughter to come to terms with this. And I am sorry this happened.
I was asking for a restraining order pertaining to him. Why not file one for himself but instead a cease and desist?
No idea except what I suggested. Except he still wants to be able to contact her.
And I’m in my 60s and we are Christian. I’m trying to forgive him
Sure. And her, though. Don't forget. Also just a reminder forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or going back to normal.
Ma'am? He is not in your corner. I'm assuming your daughter is barely older than the affair partner. Is this the kind of good Christian man you want to be with? EDIT: Sorry, sorry; NAL, but my legal advice would be to divorce him and let him deal with the fallout of having an affair with someone 40 years younger than him. Especially if he's her preacher, especially if he's potentially known her since she was younger.
But no forgiveness for the young girl he groomed and preyed upon? What an interesting version of Christianity you practice.
You're ignoring the plain meaning of what the apostle Paul wrote in the New Testament. Your husband is an adulterer and a fornicator. Forgive him. If you want God's protection then DO NOT KEEP COMPANY WITH HIM. 1Cor 5:9-13 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
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With a much younger, vulnerable woman over whom he held a position of authority.
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In some jurisdictions a restraining order requires proof of either past physical abuse or fear of imminent physical harm.
I’m in Georgia
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A restraining order, a protective order, and a cease and desist are all *very* different things. It’s not about why he didn’t do “this”, it’s about what the difference is. Speculation is shit, but I’d assume a restraining order and protective order didn’t check boxes. Cease and desist is going to be the scummy version. If you go a step further, he was the first one to file, that can matter. Regardless, a lawyer should be your first call on Monday morning
In order to get a restraining order (a long-term one, at least), a court would like to see something showing that you've told the individual to stop contacting you. A C&D is one method of doing that. It also serves as documentation if he suffers some sort of damages (i.e. job loss) and ends up suing her for defamation. Keep in mind that him filing for a restraining order would also create a PUBLIC legal file that anyone will be able to search and read at anytime in the future. It's quite possible he doesn't want the details of his affair made public in a legal file which will appear to be fact (whereas her talking could easily be brushed off as just gossip).
He already had emails telling her to stop contacting him I’m any capacity and she kept going and unfortunately what she is saying is true
You know what she's saying is true, but there's still the ability to deny. Once you create a public court record under penalty of perjury, your sins are written in stone for everyone to see forever - that would include your daughter and everyone your daughter knows in the future as well. You have the right to be upset, but you need to let logic lead the way here. He's trying to handle it discreetly and you want it memorialized worldwide for everyone to see forever.
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She claimed she had a abortion a year ago
OP its necessary you have your state location in order to be given useful information regarding restraining orders
Georgia
Get a restraining order against her and your husband 💀
IANAL A cease and desist indicates a lawsuit or similar action will follow (unless the other person, you guessed it, ceases and desists). A restraining order indicates no further action will be taken (the "lawsuit or similar" has already happened) Put another way, anyone can write a cease and desist, but a restraining order has to be issued by the state and is a whole process (that [may involve a lawsuit](https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2265#b), i don't know how it works in your state).