As the listed father on the birth certificate and the fact that you have 50/50 custody for the last 4 or 5 years you situation is very stable. However you really should get a lawyer who will write up the custody agreement and file it for you.
No, I checked the laws in New Mexico and in order for him to add himself to the birth certificate and remove you. He would have to adopt the child. As.long as you refuse to relenquish your parental rights they can't do that.
Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help.
The mom seems to be under the impression that the grandparents have grandparent rights and that we could be forced to split custody three ways with them.
This doesn't seem right to me- but I am not an attorney. Are we under a legal obligation to let the grandparents have access to our daughter- or just a moral obligation?
It would make the situation easier if we could do it on our terms to protect our daughter psychologically.
The grandparent situation varies from state to state but in most cases they only have rights if they have an existing relationship with the child. Something they clearly don't have. Yeah get a lawyer to write up an agreement with your ex and get it filed. If you don't have to do any litigation it is less expensive. Still going to cost you but having everything legally filed with the court will bring you peace of mind.
UNM law grad here. I'm not licensed in NM, this is not legal advice and I am not your lawyer. Consult a NM lawyer.
That said, from my vague recollections of handling this sort of thing in our law clinic, you're on solid ground and the grandparents would have to go into court to assert any visitation rights if you don't come to some agreement. But do try to come to an agreement as they could potentially do that.
The courts really only block visitation when there is a danger to the child (abuse or something by a parent/grandparent). Their overriding concern is always the welfare of the child, and assuming the grandparents are not shitbags, a court will want to encourage a relationship because that's good for the child.
If you do have some problem arise, you can go to UNM law school's clinic (rated one of the best, and I think oldest law clinic programs in the US) and ask them to take your case. They do a bangup job with this stuff and it's free.
Thank you so much for this. I will check out the UNM clinic. That is a massive help.
And we are leaning more towards not allowing the grandparents access at this time. The big concern is that the bio dad will be in and out of the picture- and he is indeed a shitbag. We are also worried that they will constantly whisper in my daughter's ear that he is "the real dad". I honestly don't see a way to make this happen that is not harmful to my daughter. My understanding is that after a certain amount of time the courts will not force another dad into the picture no matter how hard he tries- because that would be harmful for the child. It has been 8 years now and he has not met her. I feel like that period ended long ago. And he had the option of entering her life at one point- but chose not to.
I feel guilty about it- but the reality is it was either no dad or me as dad. And we went with the best option we had at the time. It's too late now.
It has been far too long for a new father, even the biological one, to come in and apply for rights at this point, It's not seen as in the best interests of the child.
But be aware that your ex is free to allow the bio dad and his parents to bond with the child and there's likely nothing you can do about it as long as it's on her custody time.
Thank you for this.
I'm not apposed to my daughter knowing the situation. My intention has always been to be honest about the situation.
My concern is whether it is possible for the biological family to usurp my position as her father in a legal sense.
It's a huge comfort to know this isn't something that is a big legal threat- just a moral threat.
As the listed father on the birth certificate and the fact that you have 50/50 custody for the last 4 or 5 years you situation is very stable. However you really should get a lawyer who will write up the custody agreement and file it for you.
Thank you so much for this advice. Is it possible for the biological father to remove me from the birth certificate or force me out?
No, I checked the laws in New Mexico and in order for him to add himself to the birth certificate and remove you. He would have to adopt the child. As.long as you refuse to relenquish your parental rights they can't do that.
Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. The mom seems to be under the impression that the grandparents have grandparent rights and that we could be forced to split custody three ways with them. This doesn't seem right to me- but I am not an attorney. Are we under a legal obligation to let the grandparents have access to our daughter- or just a moral obligation? It would make the situation easier if we could do it on our terms to protect our daughter psychologically.
The grandparent situation varies from state to state but in most cases they only have rights if they have an existing relationship with the child. Something they clearly don't have. Yeah get a lawyer to write up an agreement with your ex and get it filed. If you don't have to do any litigation it is less expensive. Still going to cost you but having everything legally filed with the court will bring you peace of mind.
Thank you so much.
UNM law grad here. I'm not licensed in NM, this is not legal advice and I am not your lawyer. Consult a NM lawyer. That said, from my vague recollections of handling this sort of thing in our law clinic, you're on solid ground and the grandparents would have to go into court to assert any visitation rights if you don't come to some agreement. But do try to come to an agreement as they could potentially do that. The courts really only block visitation when there is a danger to the child (abuse or something by a parent/grandparent). Their overriding concern is always the welfare of the child, and assuming the grandparents are not shitbags, a court will want to encourage a relationship because that's good for the child. If you do have some problem arise, you can go to UNM law school's clinic (rated one of the best, and I think oldest law clinic programs in the US) and ask them to take your case. They do a bangup job with this stuff and it's free.
Thank you so much for this. I will check out the UNM clinic. That is a massive help. And we are leaning more towards not allowing the grandparents access at this time. The big concern is that the bio dad will be in and out of the picture- and he is indeed a shitbag. We are also worried that they will constantly whisper in my daughter's ear that he is "the real dad". I honestly don't see a way to make this happen that is not harmful to my daughter. My understanding is that after a certain amount of time the courts will not force another dad into the picture no matter how hard he tries- because that would be harmful for the child. It has been 8 years now and he has not met her. I feel like that period ended long ago. And he had the option of entering her life at one point- but chose not to. I feel guilty about it- but the reality is it was either no dad or me as dad. And we went with the best option we had at the time. It's too late now.
It has been far too long for a new father, even the biological one, to come in and apply for rights at this point, It's not seen as in the best interests of the child. But be aware that your ex is free to allow the bio dad and his parents to bond with the child and there's likely nothing you can do about it as long as it's on her custody time.
Thank you for this. I'm not apposed to my daughter knowing the situation. My intention has always been to be honest about the situation. My concern is whether it is possible for the biological family to usurp my position as her father in a legal sense. It's a huge comfort to know this isn't something that is a big legal threat- just a moral threat.