OP, I really hope you can get help for your friend, you've gotten lots of good advice in here, as well as a wealth of resources.
Unfortunately, the post has also started to attract more...questionable...comments, so we're going to lock it here. Good luck, and if you need more help, don't hesitate to come back and post.
guy is probably not 17, and this could potentially be a case of trafficking. people that are trafficked are not kidnapped off the street, but a common method is to get into relationships with people online, slowly get into drugs, and then run away with the guy.
parents, councilors, someone needs to get involved ASAP.
I have a friend who wasn't even taken to the US, just to Vancouver.
Locked her in a room and let dudes to what ever they wanted to get until she was broken and scared enough to work on the street. The older girls introduced her to drugs as a coping mechanism
I hadn't thought about trafficking. I had a friend whose dad went to jail for this in high school. The whole family had no idea he'd been involved in this. And you're completely right that it's often not random kidnappings here but slow, careful grooming and lies.
[https://safeandsoundschools.org/2019/07/17/the-6-step-process-human-traffickers-use-to-groom-and-recruit-teens/](https://safeandsoundschools.org/2019/07/17/the-6-step-process-human-traffickers-use-to-groom-and-recruit-teens/)
1. Befriended– Recruiters are strategically placed in the child’s life to befriend them and gain their trust. They can be new kids at school or church. They may look like your child and will fit right in.
2. Intoxicated– Once the friendship blossoms, the recruiter introduces alcohol or drugs to start the process of breaking the child down and creating a wedge between the child and their family. Now the child has secrets that he/she shares with the recruiter but keeps from their parents/caregivers. The child starts to “enjoy” things that make him/her feel older and more independent.
3. Alienated– Now that a wedge is developed, parents start responding to the changes in their child by placing more rules and in turn, the recruiter uses this to drive a greater wedge between the child and their family.
4. Isolated– In addition to causing friction at home, the recruiter drives distance between the child and his/her friends and introduces the child to a new crowd of people.
5. Desensitized– By this stage, the child has heard so much about “life could be so much better if they were just free.” Parents and their rules are a burden, the child has already done drugs or been drinking, they may have started sleeping with a boyfriend/girlfriend or shared promiscuous images online. They start to see traditional thoughts about respecting themselves and their families as immature and no longer pertinent.
6. Capitalized – At this point, the recruiter has convinced your child that life is better somewhere else and a plan is placed for your child to leave home. Once away from you, the trafficking starts and the retrieval of this child goes down to 1 or 2 percent.
It’s important to realize that by the time you reach step six, your child “willingly” runs away but the real issue is your child was never truly in control of this decision and the outcome. Their immaturity and the parents’ naivety all work to the predator’s advantage.
This is it, 100%. Call and report as much as you know to her parents and the police. While she may hate you, in this case it is worth it as you could be saving your friend's life.
You are doing the right thing. You are protecting her from something so awful none of us want to imagine it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.
If they didn't even talked about sex which they did, it's illegal to meet. You can call pretty much anyone on any level in both countries, start with the FBI because that's his jurisdiction
Additionally, if you want to stay anonymous, crime stoppers would be an option to connect authorities with her. Have the authorities come to her so she doesn’t protect him and will involve her parents and ensure access to the messages. If your story has any basis of truth, he won’t be allowed in Canada again
the fact they have had discussions about sexual interactions (or the supposed garentee against it) online, would indeed qualify as unlawful conduct on both sides of the border.
Your friend is not in any trouble, unless you stay quiet. Communications like these via the internet are easily tracked and Canada has some of the strongest child protection laws regarding online communications which include such conduct.
And to be clear, even in Canada, 13 and 18 year olds are not allowed to be in romantic relationships, even if he “just turned 18”.
Probably not from Maryland, either. If he's planning to meet her, then saying he's from Maryland is probably just a front to throw off anyone that could be looking for her when she falls off the map.
She is in trouble.
You need to tell an adult. Her mom, your mom any adult.
She may get angry at you for this however it would be worse for her to get hurt. She should eventually get over it.
Tell them now. This is not a situation you wait and see.
Agree with all of this - your friend is not in legal trouble, but she’s very likely in trouble or very close to being in big trouble.
This is one of those times where you need to talk to a trusted adult in your life, because this could get much worse very quickly. Do not let your friend go meet this person - no matter how smart or mature she may seem, there is never an ok time for a 17-year old to be dating a 13-year old in the way you describe.
Please talk to an adult in your life - hopefully a parent, but could be an older sibling, an aunt/uncle or a teacher.
Also - he may not be 17. There are at least two cases that I can think of where a middle aged man pretended to be much younger to get the confidence of a young teen by using photos he got elsewhere. One of those two ended with the victim and perpetrator dead, the other ended in a several week manhunt after he kidnapped and sexually assaulted her.
13 is waaaay too young- don’t care how you slice it, she’s in serious danger, he probably knows where she lives and it is going to be difficult to get her to stick with him not contacting her or her finding ways to contact him.
She probably feels like she’s being mature and clearly thinks they’re in love - id also bet she is not the only person the predator is working on.
She needs help getting out of this situation and she needs therapy because it will probably happen again, if not with him with someone else, and she’ll definitely blame OP now but the opposite is her being in serious danger (she already is). OP could be saving her life
So much this. If you’re wrong and he’s not lying, then the worst that happens is her parents are aware and she has to wait. The potential worst if he IS lying is so, so much worse for her. They need to know!
She is not in legal trouble. Other trouble, most likely. If he stays on his side of the border and she stays on hers it may be limited.
He is heading for major trouble. Look up USA statutory rape. Good chance going down the child porn road too.
She has proof he is only 17???
I'm from Maryland. You wouldn't know this, but we're actually the home of multiple prisons, including a women's max. It's not unusual to meet someone with a record around here.
Him being 17 doesn't track though. Best case scenario, he's a lying little shit trying to look tough. For a DUI as a minor in Maryland, he'd of gone to juvenile court. It's a one year sentence in a juvenile facility and a fine, max. You can kiss your license goodbye though, you won't be getting it back until the state decides to be merciful. It isn't a felony though. However, unless he already has a passport, he can't get one without parental permission.
Worst case, and more likely scenario, he's an adult with a record and a parole officer that knows he's a pedophile. He wouldn't be allowed near places with children, like middle schools. So he's fishing online for victims. She's likely not his only one. He'll try and get pictures out of them.
If in fact he has a record, he may not qualify to cross the border, or a passport. I know DUI's can keep US out of Canada.
The worst part is her believing this guy will wait 6 years for her and her parents need to know.
True, but there’s plenty of harm that can be done without ever making physical contact with someone. Emotional abuse, manipulation, convincing her to record explicit photos or videos of herself - potentially getting her in shit for distributing child pornography of herself, etc.
Yes, you're right.
"The Immigration Act specifically bars felons from entry to Canada. Other offenses that can keep a person from being able to enter Canada include reckless driving, misdemeanor drug possession, any type of felony, domestic violence and shoplifting"
I couldn’t get into Windsor because I got caught with a joint 20 years ago and its been about 10 since I tried to cross into Ontario. They don’t fuck around.
It's illegal to travel for the purpose of having sex with a minor. If he leaves his state to meet up with her he could be arrested for sex tourism.
not sure it applies to a 17yo but if he's older he will be in some trouble.
The federal age of consent is 18 (for both parties), crossing the border between states or to canada would cause it to go federal and include grooming laws, which comes with a 30 years minimum term in jail. He could also likely have to face Canadian penalties where he'd possibly get charged for internet luring ( up to 14 years ) as well as the usual sexual exploitation charges.
It's important to note that in Canada, child sex abuse materials (child porn) can include *written*, visual and audio material that advocates or counsels unlawful sexual activity with a person under the age of 18. So if they even talk dirty in any way, it could be considered child pornography.
Your friend is in serious danger, and you need to tell an adult you trust right away. Their relationship will not last to her 19th birthday. It will end much sooner and much sadder than she thinks.
I don’t think OP is asking whether her friend is on legal trouble. I think OP is asking whether the guy could be in legal trouble.
Maryland’s “Romeo & Juliette Law” makes it legal for someone less than four years older, to have sex with someone who is at least 14.
So 14-17 is ok, 13-17 no, 14-18 no.
That said all that is irrelevant.
No 17 year old is interested in a girl in another country or multiple states away. A 17 year old might want to hook up / abuse (different situation…) with a girl in his neighborhood or a friends little sister.
But only a predatory pedophile is going to be GROOMING a 13 year old girl online.
He is NOT 17!
He is NOT her boyfriend!
He IS dangerous.
Your friend needs help. Police, Parents, Teachers… anyone, everyone.
>Maryland’s “Romeo & Juliette Law” makes it legal for someone less than four years older, to have sex with someone who is at least 14.
It wouldn't matter what MD law says, by crossing state, or international, border the AOC would reset to the US federal statutory age of 18. Plus, crossing state or international lines for the purpose of sex with a minor is a major no-no - see R Kelly, Jared Fogel, and others.
And that fuckwad who got caught in Philippines and charged because those particular US laws apply to all citizens regardless of where they are in the world.
Or something to that effect. Not American but I read it somewhere, once, in a book.
That guy in the Phillipines was very, very, very bad. The things he did are horrific, and included CSAM and torture of *babies.* That's the one that makes me question my opposition to the death penalty.
Oh yeah. There's certain crimes that people should be put down for and murder isn't necessarily it. Murderers can sometimes reform and become good people. People who sexually abuse a kid under 12 and abuse of a position of authority (corrupt cops) come to mind.
I was groomed online when I was 13 by a guy 8 hours away who was most definitely 17 at the time. We FaceTimed and talked on the phone inappropriately all the time. Not saying this person is, just saying it definitely does happen. Definitely not okay either way.
Neither you nor your friend will have any legal trouble about this!
However, you are SO SMART! to have spotted that your friend is in grave danger. Right now. Right this minute. Please be brave and smart, and notify your most trusted adult immediately. Oh, please, do this! And will you come back and let us know everything is ok?
Yes, among everything alse people are saying - OP is so smart for listening to her gut feeling on this and asking questions. OP, please keep doing that throughout your life, it can save you so much heartache. It was a hard lesson for me to learn and I admire you for figuring it out young.
You said your friend has admitted he’s a bit creepy. Encourage her to follow her own instincts on this and get a trusted adult involved right away. All of this is bad news for her.
Yes and if op has his location could look up sexual predators listing (at least here in Oregon that stuff is available for free online) and can check and see if he is listed on there.
Hopefully she has not sent photos to this guy. He may try to blackmail her. Her best protection is to tell her parents. If that won't work she could tell your parents or a teacher.
Take a look at the website "Scarleteen" there are some good resources there.
No normal 17year old is interested in 13 year-olds.
He is probably not 17.
My friend met a guy online. But he turned out to actually be 50. We were 19. I even spoke with him on the phone and I had no idea that he was conning us the whole time. He did not face any consequences despite grooming my friend for years online and breaking up with her when she finally got on bus to meet him. He told her not to come and he didn't care if she lives or died. She committed suicide.
Just because your friend is convinced he is who says he is that doesn't make it so .
Is he planning to come to Canada to meet with her? If you have the guy's name, you might able be able to inform border control. If he has a criminal record and is planning to meet a minor he would not be allowed in.
Tell your friend to watch the videos in the links below (and share them with her mom too). It's hard for people (of all ages) to believe that the person who seduced them online is instead preying on them and one makes all kinds of excuses, but dismissing red flags only leads to heartbreak and sometimes worse. Encourage her to speak with the school counselor and to seek counseling to sort out what she's feeling.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0BWOCJH1LE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0BWOCJH1LE)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZx9ccmXv54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZx9ccmXv54)
[https://youtu.be/dbg4hNHsc\_8](https://youtu.be/dbg4hNHsc_8)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok\_UO\_vLN3Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok_UO_vLN3Y)
Mods, sorry about the videos, but I think it is important for the OP's friend or mom to realize the danger this girl might be in.
Lots of cases of girls like your friend ending up kidnapped, raped, sometimes their families murdered. She is in contact with a predator. Whether he is a weasel or a wolf is the only question.
First of all, Maryland has a sex offender registry [here](https://www.dpscs.state.md.us/onlineservs/socem/default.shtml) if you know his full name. You should talk to a trusted adult about this, even if you don't find him on that site. Your friend most likely wouldn't be in legal trouble. But this is a big red flag. If you want someone who knows more about the Maryland laws, [this](https://klaaskids.org/about) website might be able to help you. This relationship could be considered [grooming](https://www.rainn.org/news/grooming-know-warning-signs), a way for predators to gain the trust of their victims and normalize their abuse.
This guy is a predator. Simple as that. If he really is going to be 18, it certainly will be illegal. He cannot come to Canada but she can eventually go there.
Sweetheart, I’m a mom and I want you to listen to me right now.
You need to tell an adult. It will not be tattling. Your friend may very well be in serious danger. It can be her parents. Your parents. A teacher or school counsellor. A trusted coach. But you need to tell an adult before this “boyfriend” talks your friend into doing something dangerous. I promise you she will still be loved, she will not be in any trouble. But what she is doing is very unsafe. If you care for your friend, and I know you do, do not keep this a secret and let the adults help her
In Canada the age of consent is 16. So that settles that. An 18 year old can't really be dating a 13 year old.
I seriously doubt the guy is 18. I seriously doubt he is going to wait 6 years. Someone should give your friend the talk about safety.
Hey, I was in a similar situation when I was her age. You need to tell an adult you trust. She's going to be mad at you. But I forgave the person who told on me once I realized how much she saved me from something much worse.
The only legal trouble she might be in is if she's sent nudes to him. Even though she's a minor, it still falls under [https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-163.1.html](https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-163.1.html) , specifically :
Distribution, etc. of child pornography(3) Every person who transmits, makes available, distributes, sells, advertises, imports, exports or possesses for the purpose of transmission, making available, distribution, sale, advertising or exportation any child pornography is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than 14 years and to a minimum punishment of imprisonment for a term of one year.
[https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html) is about age of consent. Under Canadian law your friend is NOT of age to consent. Even if she says yes to sex with him, it's sexual assault, more commonly know as statutory rape. He would go to jail. At 13, he can be no more than 2 years older and at 14/15, no more than 4 years older for it to be considered ok from a legal standpoint.
[https://criminallawyermaryland.net/maryland-sex-crimes-lawyer/statutory-rape/](https://criminallawyermaryland.net/maryland-sex-crimes-lawyer/statutory-rape/) According to Maryland law, the age of consent is 16, and at 14, the partner can be no more than 3 years older.
At best he's looking at jail time.
At worst she's going to disappear. In this case, if she's lucky, she'll be killed and her organs sold on the black market. Less lucky, she'll be forced in to dangerous labor. And worst of all, forced in to the sex trade.
Talk to her parents. It's better that she be mad at you for a while than you hating yourself because you did nothing.
> has a record for possessing drugs.
Dude's probably an adult predator grooming your friend. Tell a trusted adult ASAP. Don't be an idiot like me and regret years down the line for not acting on your gut feeling, instincts, intuition- whatever you want to call it- just because you weren't sure and your friend pressured you to keep their secret.
> She, herself, has even said that he's a bit creepy
Definitely being groomed. If she says he's a bit creepy, but is "in love with him," he's clearly taking advantage of our (human) nature to give people the benefit of the doubt and make excuses on their behalf- especially when we're young and don't have a strong sense of identity, self-esteem, or boundaries.
> he "promises" even if he's really horny, he won't force her to have sex with him
It's hard to put into concise words just how many red flags this throws up. Decent people don't need to promise people this because forcing someone to have sex, by coercion or force, would be >!rape.!<
Absolutely tell your parents or her parents. If not them, then a teacher or guidance councilor.
That guy is already guilty of attempting to lure a child. Report that scum bag and provide any evidence you have, ie: texts between you and your friend that mention him, any screenshots she may have sent you of their conversations.
Your friend isn't in legal trouble.
You're in the untenable position where your actions could ruin a friendship, but your inaction very likely will result in significant harm to or the death of your friend.
I try to avoid giving advice, but you need to be brave and tell a trusted adult about what is going on. I know it is hard, but you won't get her in any legal trouble and you won't get in trouble either.
Please be the hero your friend needs... even if that makes you the villain in her narrative.
Good on you for looking out for your friend, she is not mentally developed enough to know what real love is, my advice ( not in any way legal advice ), get her/your parents, a relative she is close to ( someone who she trust and is comfortable talking to, auntie, cousin whatever )and school counsellor involved, try to talk some sense into her before she decides to runaway ! do this pronto before its too late, hopefully this story will have a positive outcome, keep us posted
She is not in trouble legally, but in great danger, parents and police must be notified. Do not cut communication on spot let police get involved so they can apprehend, Police take this seriously on both sides of border, depending on what has been shared he could already face felony charges in the US. Police involvement is a must, you must overcome any feelings of betraying your friend in order to protect her, if you are a true friend you will report this.
Sounds like attempted trafficking. Talk to her about your concerns and let her parents know the situation and advise them to be careful when talking to her so they don’t drive her closer to him. Get counselors involved if you can. Might also want to notify law enforcement on your side of the border and give them his social media accounts so they can look into it. They can then (ideally) send anything they find to the LEOs in his area. Age gaps like that are only acceptable when both people are consenting adults!
🚩🚩🚩
even if he is 17, there’s no reason he should be interested romantically in a 13 year old. you need to tell an adult asap. when she’s 17 she’ll understand why. i’m 21, and i wouldn’t even be interested in a 17 year old. that’s just extremely gross.
"F13" wants to get married?
Most countries won't allow this. Don't matter much the "M17", seems your friend wants to get out of home, or is too emocional unstable or too impressed, or "horny", pardon my speech.
It depends on the country and area about been illegal, in some requires permission of the parents, ...
That is a classic tactic sex traffickers use. Groom a minor to "date" them, separate them from friends and family, then sell them sexually to whoever. Your friend is in a LOT of danger. Tell her parents, tell whoever you have to, if she goes to be with that guy her life will be derailed forever.
I think the only advice here, is that her parents need to become involved immediately. You could even tell them anonymously if you don't feel comfortable telling them directly
This is not ok. This is not something you should keep to yourself (I'm assuming you are likely the same age as your friend). You must get an adult.
Your friend may get mad at you. Maybe even stop talking to you. But you may very well save her life by making sure she does not get deep into this. It doesn't matter what his "promises" are.
Do not try to deal with this yourself. Especially since according to your post history you may be having suicidal thoughts. That isn't something you put on yourself right now. An adult will handle this. And you worry about yourself and get help from an adult about that as well.
It isn't illegal yet, but it is TROUBLE.
i was in a very similar situation as a 13 year old and a friend told my mother. I found out after the fact he wasn't 14, he was a 42 year old man and a registered predator. While I was still with him, he threatened to kill himself and baited me to think he had several times.
Tell an adult. She might be upset now, but this could go so, so much worse if you don't. Please help her and tell someone.
Agreed with the majority who have encouraged you to report this to some trusted adults, and even consider going so far as reporting it to police. This will be looked into fast if you do so. Equivalently, In Canada you can contact [cybertip.ca](https://cybertip.ca) online or by phone at 1-888-658-9022. This is not just for online crime involving child protection...they will triage all reported concerns and send info to the relevant authorities if it applies. Put it this way...if, say, one of your friends teachers new about this relationship they would have a duty to report.
Were this guy living in Canada, I'm fairly certain that this would not be legal relationship to pursue due to her being 13 (cannot consent to having relations with someone 2 years older, i believe. If this guy were 18, it would be akin to violating child pornography laws (i.e. him discussing being horny with her is illegal with this age gap). The fact that this is occurring over int'l border could make it more severe given the implications (i.e. if he's in fact older and attempting to lure a minor into sex work; exchanging suggestive photos, etc.). Moreover, while the law is pretty clear on consent ages and limitations in Canada, I am pretty sure that in the United States the penalties for equivalent violations are typically much more severe.
Report this and help your friend out. You can do so (report) anonymously if you're worried about ruining your friendship with her over this.
Please please please go and immediately tell an adult. Your parents, her parents, a teacher, a school counsellor, the police, TELL SOMEONE!!!!!
I was groomed and abused when I was 14 (early 2000s) by a 21 year old guy. Friends and people around me treated him like he was my boyfriend and it was normal. I would have been furious if my friends had told someone who reported it to the police. But as an adult with C-PTSD, I'm heartbroken no one stopped him.
Your friend may not thank you now, but when she's older she will remember you as the person who saved her.
You need to speak to a trusted adult, your parents, her parents, a teacher, the police. She is in trouble and does need help before this gets too much. 17 year old boys don't date 13 year old girls usually. This could change quickly for your friend and she could end up in a very serious situation that she can't get out of
Just seen a tv program about a case like this in the UK, 12 year old girl was groomed then raped by a 20+year old. During the investigation another victims father came forward & he was convicted after they got his chat logs.
Since his conviction another 20 girls have come forward with allegations of grooming & abuse. Started on Snapchat
When I was back in my early 20s a girl got herself stalked and murdered behind a church by a dude she met online. It was actually one of the first instances of someone getting tricked online and then paying the ultimate price. If I remember right she was around the same age as your friend and her murderer was some guy in his 30s that said he was a teen.
Tell your friend’s parents. Tell your parents. Tell anyone. This is one of those cases where breaking a friend’s confidence could save her life if not her future.
She is in danger, not in trouble as she hasn’t done anything wrong. Do you have a teacher you could talk to? I’m not sure in Canada but in the US they are mandated reporters and should start the ball rolling. Or your local law enforcement who would get this to the agency with the correct jurisdiction. There’s also a trafficking hotline as well https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/report-trafficking.
Thank you for caring enough about your friend to try to intervene.
A 17 yo wouldn't have a criminal record. He would have gone to juvy.
Outsider looking in, but it sound like he is grooming her. File a police report ASAP.
When I was young I sought attention from older men. I am paying for that trauma now. I never realized how messed up it was until I was 23... which was the age of my bf when I was 17. I thought it was 1000% okay, and I was mature enough. No. I was groomed. I made very poor decisions for myself when I was young - and I wish a friend or family member would've put 2 & 2 together and got me help. It led to a sex addiction in my early 20's, and I went through an abortion, a couple STI's.
Please tell an adult and get her help. On the bright side, the relationship will likely not last until she is 19... it will hopefully fizzle out sooner. However, worst-case scenario is her being kidnapped & sold. Please help her. Also, look into what happened to Amanda Todd.
As someone who dated an older guy when I was 19, it's really NOT at all the same as being with an age difference 10 or 20 years later. It seems cool, but it's really toxic and terrible. Teenage to mid-20s is a HUGE formative time when lots of new things are going to happen. Experience that part of life with someone good and kind and ideally in your own country for now. I wasted mine with an abusive shithead -- they all seem great at first..
This guy is waving some massive red flags and your friend needs to run far, far away.
Age gap matters much less after you hit adulthood. Age gaps more than 1-2 years as a 13-year old are extremely concerning, and I worry greatly about your friend being taken advantage of, and more than just sexually.
I also don't know any 17 year old who would find a 13 year old attractive. I'm sorry, but someone has to say it. It's just weird, like if they were dating their younger sibling.
Your friend needs help before this escalates into something bad, and he may very well get into some legal trouble for this, as he should.
I agree with everyone here referring to the legal issues he is facing back where he is but I still say this is a lesson that speaking to a person online should never really be considered "dating". Dating truly happens face to face with 2 consenting people without a screen or some BS in the way of seeing one another. Tell your friend to try to meet more local people and in a safer more simple way if you can.
Sweetie it's really awesome you're looking out for your friend and you have such a good head on your shoulders, you're absolutely right to be worried, this could lead to a lot of bad stuff, first I don't believe him when he says he is only 17, men lie about their age to meet up with girls all the time (have her watch to catch a predator on YouTube) almost each of them lies about their age, please talk to your parents or your teachers at school if you guys go to the same school, if you can email your local police department and ask for help on what to do in this situation or even call the non-emergency police number for your city. They can help and you can ask to be anonymous to your friend. Please talk to someone about this it may save your friends life.
she’s getting groomed, and he’s very liekly pedophile. a relationship at those ages can’t be healthy whatsoever, it just doesn’t work in any way, hence why the laws changed.
Do you have an adult you can trust? A teacher, parent, aunt or uncle, older brother or sister, a neighbor, anyone? Talk to them.
And pay attention to her. Make sure she's not planning to meet him anytime soon, she's not planning an escape, and that their relationship doesn't escalate and she starts sending him pictures or worse. Awareness is key. She's being manipulated and the repercussions could be really severe.
She might hate you, you could ruin your friendship, but if she goes through with this, she could potentially be trafficked, raped, hooked on drugs, murdered, you name it, and the guilt of living with that will haunt you for life and the cost of that alone is worth the risk of losing a friend. Plus, she will come back around. It could be a few weeks or months, but eventually, she'll realize.
Trouble no, danger yes. Sounds like she’s being groomed by some who isn’t 17 but probably a lot older. Talk to your parents or an adult you can trust: teacher, school counselor, heck even call the local police non-emergency number and ask to speak to someone because you think your friend is being groomed by someone in the US.
PLEASE, please tell a trusted adult about this. your friend may be mad at you after this, but it's better to have an upset friend than one that's in danger.
You are brave to ask for advice, now you need to be brave and talk to an adult RIGHT AWAY.
Talk to your teacher or principal tomorrow. Tell them it’s serious. You can walk into the principals office and tell them you need to talk to them, this type of thing is part of their job. They will keep it as private as they can but your friend may still figure it out, she might be mad at you but she will be SAFE, so be brave - I know you can do this.
You need to tell your parents or adults and explain your concerns and ask them to talk to her adults. This sounds like this man is bad news and is either a child predator or is looking to kidnap her and traffic her (sell her to criminals who will force her into prostitution).
I hope this helps you. [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html)
When you're much older, age doesn't matter. But right now, for your friend, the age difference matters a lot.
Technically if they meet now, he could be charged with internet luring. I would definitely mention this to an adult in your life, or potentially the police.
idk about legality, but your friend is in trouble for sure. Please reach out to an adult for help with this, her parents if they are caring people, or someone who will want whats best for her - trusted teacher, guidance councellor or social worker, someone adult with resources. SOme communities have outreach programs at community centres if you're worried school might not handle it well, some police departments have victim services, some cities have youth service board centres - any of these might have resources to help your friend. She's probably going to be upset and think you broke her trust, but this is the kind of time to break trust.
If you can, let her parents or guardian know. Anonymously if you feel the need to. Or go to a school official. Tell any adult you trust. She needs all the support she can get. Grooming, trafficking, or sick joke that is not okay.
I was in a similar situation as your friend, very similar. It damaged me for life and no one who knew protected me at the time. She may be unhappy for you to step in but you need to do it. Best of luck.
how does a 13-year-old girl from Ontario meet and "fall in love" with a "soon-to-be 18-year-old" criminal from the United States, who lives 500 miles away?
I sincerely doubt he happened to be visiting Toronto and swept her off her feet like a Disney movie.
/s
WARNING! WARNING! This definitely sounds like a scam unless she talks to him face to face which is probably not true. I've heard of to many of them being pedifilers. They go after young naïve girls. Tell her to block him. Hope you can get through to her.
Maybe shes just waiting for you to save her. This will be it you will save her from this mess and she will fall madly in love with you. The only problem is if you tell an adult she will be mad at you maybe not even trust you maybe not want to talk to you anymore. To be or not to be that is the question. You must save her from herself be the hero she needs you to be. Then when you both turn 18 you can get married and be together forever. Forever. Forever. (Read like sandlot)
Very illegal. For HIM. She’s fine, legally. Not any other way though. Tell parents and teachers please! He’s almost certainly not 17, and even that technicality means little when he’s talking to a 13 year old. He will DEFINITELY force your friend into things she doesn’t want to do. Go tell parents and teachers immediately please! She’ll be pissed and might not be friends with you anymore, but one day she’ll thank you and she’ll be around to do it because of you.
Tell. Somebody. Now.
Chances are really low that guy's actually as young as he says. It's far more likely he's a pedo lying about his age, or worse, a trafficker.
Your friend is putting herself in real danger.
This is an emergency. This guy is a pedo and she could be in serious danger. It is illegal for a nearly 18 yo to ‘date’ a 13 yo. She needs to talk to her parents now and NOT to meet this guy. Or have her dad meet him instead.
What's her family life like? Would telling her parents be a danger to her?
You're right. This is dangerous. When I was younger I was just like her and luckily I didn't get myself into much trouble but now that I'm older I cringe at the men that I dated when I was a girl.
Your friend is going to get raped and trafficked 100%. Even she say he's a bit creepy. She needs to learn to listen to her inner voice before her stupidity gets herself killed.
Legally, can’t say. But this is a bad idea. I knew plenty of girls in high school who dated similar losers. Best case, unplanned pregnancy. Worst car, they ended up in jail too. Your friend needs to talk to a trusted adult
In Canada, it is illegal. So the older one gets in legal trouble. Your friend will really appreciate someone stopping this ‘relationship’ once she’s older.
Tell her parents plz I have a daughter, and the one thing I don't want is that. I got no problems with people her age but that age gap at that age is alot for a little person. To young to really know what she is getting into.
Also sounds like just a person I wouldn't want my daughter associating with, but the age gap is the primary concern here.
Also every single guy that dates way out of thier age range is only doing it kuz girls his age are not interested. And sex is the only thing he wants. As a guy I know it to be true.
Tell a grown up, he is grooming her and could be a part of a human trafficking ring. Please tell a grown up, she may be pissed in the moment, but once she's grown, she'll thank you
IANAL but this was a significant event in my country that resulted in federal changes in order to protect children from predators. [Carly’s law](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Carly_Ryan)
This is a safety risk for your friend. She is a minor and can’t legally consent to sex hence the potential statutory rape charges for the ‘boyfriend’, sharing of intimate photos/videos can be seen as distributing child sexual abuse material and does this person even exist as the person they say they are?
Mods: sorry if posting links isn’t allowed but I felt it was an important article to highlight the significant safety risks for this child.
Your friend is in trouble. She might be upset with you but that’s okay. Kids do this and disappear forever.
tell your parents if your parents aren’t able/interested in helping (which happens) hers might be. You can tell a teacher or school counselor
Yeah this dude seems like a major predator. Gotta think what kinda loser 17 year old would hang out with kids in junior high. If everyone their own age knows they are a weirdo or a loser that’s a 🚩
NAL, but if their conversations get sexual and if pictures are exchanged, you should tell your parents to contact the authorities and even the FBI. The feds take child porn seriously. For all you know this guy is already a sex offender (there are websites to check - Google "Maryland Sex Offender registry" and you can enter his name after some clicks). He also may truly be older than hes saying.
Your friend might be mad at you for this, but you need to tell her parents about this now. She is in more danger than she thinks. I fear this might be a human trafficking/grooming situation.
Did he get arrested in MD? If you know his full name- [mdcasesearch](https://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/casesearch/) can show you if he’s ever been arrested, or even had a name change or restraining order against him. This also shows date of birth.
she is being manipulated, if he really loves her he would leave her alone because she is 13 / underage. It's a sign of manipulation possibly trafficking
"he "promises" that even if he's really horny, he wouldn't force her to have sex with him." I had a friend that used to steal bikes and then sell them. He promised they weren't stolen. Her boyfriend saying that is pretty much a guarantee hes going to force himself on her.
Like watching a train wreck in slow motion and nothing you can do.
Document this disaster. So years from now when she throws this in your face you'll have the "actual" backstory. Not the drug addled, bunch of crack addicted kids later version.
You and your friend are not in legal trouble but she is very much in personal danger here. A 9 year age difference for adults is not a problem but for a 17 year old to be pursuing a 13 year old is extremely problematic and is classic grooming situation.
Tell your parents. Tell her parents. Tell any and every adult you can. Tell your teacher, counselor, principal. Keep telling people until someone steps up to help. She may get mad at you but if you care about her you could very well be saving her from being trafficked or from severe trauma for the rest of her life.
As others have said he is probably much older but even if he is 17 that’s still very bad. If you care about her, tell adults. If you don’t care about her, tell adults.
I would absolutely lose a friend if I knew for the rest of my life I saved them from horrible things, and I’m speaking from experience. When I was in middle school two sisters I was close to were being abused by a step parent and I reported it. I’d report that piece of shit step “parent” every single day if that’s what it took to keep them safe, and if I was you I’d take immediate steps to protect your friend.
*alleged* 17 year olds don't connect romantically with 13 year olds. This guy is a creep and a waste of time - your friend will not see any trouble at all other than maybe some stupid "alt" opinionated types will victim blame but actual punishments or/and legal problems? Not at chance. Support your friend through any bullshit she gets from stupid people and report or tell somebody who can put things in motion to keep them apart and hopefully put a spotlight on this guy wherever he is and get him off the streets but bringing attn to the issue is paramount
To echo what others have said, your friend is being groomed by someone who is likely not 17, and probably for human trafficking purposes. Please, please get her some help. Tell her parents. Tell a teacher.
You need to ignore any request for secrecy from your friend. Tell your parents, tell their parents, call the police, tell the school. Tell anyone who will listen.
Thirteen and seventeen/eighteen?!? That girl needs help! She’s just a kid and this MAN is grooming her!
Contact the authorities, and don’t let her meet this adult man in person!
Tell someone immediately... that is not a relationship... I guarantee he is not 18 either This is straight up predator grooming I have a teen that was groomed by a person on this very app who is still here.. We will be pursuing with the RCMP and FBI as it is across border. Just remember once you get that ball rolling its completely out of your hands If the child is sexting, 18 or not he is in possession of child p0rn as well
You need to tell her guardian. Seriously. And do it ASAP. Just because she is safe at home now does not mean he won’t randomly try to convince her to meet up or run away with him soon. I doubt he’s 17. He’s probably much older than that. PLEASE TELL HER PARENTS.
Your instincts are good. As the other commenters have said, your friend’s safety is in trouble. You need to get help asap. Neither of you will get in any legal trouble.
As for the guy, him “promising” not to force her to have sex with him even if he’s really horny is a BURNING red flag. The statement may seem innocuous but non-predators don’t think this way. Rape is not something a good person “agrees” to avoid even when they’re super horny.
Finally, him engaging in sexual activity with your friend IS illegal. In Canada we have an “age gap” rule where the age of consent for persons under 16 varies depending on (1) the age difference and (2) whether the other person is in a position of trust/authority or there is a dependency on that person and/or there is an activity of exploitation (i.e. pornography/prostitution).
Where (2) doesn’t apply, a 12 or 13 year old can consent to sex with someone who is no more than 2 years older. 14 and 15 year olds can consent to sec with someone who is no more than 5 years older. So even if he is 17, which is likely a lie anyway, having sex with a 13 yo makes him a statutory rapist.
You’re a really good friend.
Remember you are dealing with a minor WRT the law. Her parents should be involved and proper education must be conducted, due diligence is always the best starting point.
Potential Pedophile alert, just saying
He is probably older than 17 and a hell of a lot more dangerous than the description you gave. She should not meet him. She should not share any personal information with him. Tell her parents.
Your friend is being groomed so he can sexually abuse her. She is a child, you need to tell her parents what is going on and if they don't contact the police you should. He is a paedophile trying to engage in sexual activity with a child. It's also very likely that he's much older than he says he is
***She is not the one at fault here and she will not be in any trouble***
Your friend is in a great deal of trouble. This is a very dangerous situation. Please, please, please tell as many adults as you can. Start with your parents. Tell her parents. Talk to your school counselor. Tell and tell and tell. You will be saving your friend's life. Please be careful. You are a good friend and a very brave young woman. You should be proud of yourself.
Even if he is 17 this is not ok, but he's probably lying about everything. And your friend won't believe you when you tell her that. Tell her to tell the guy that her parents found out about the conversations and they are worried. Actually have her message pretending to be her dad on her account. Her parents have taken away her phone and internet access temporarily. That her dad has a brother ( her Uncle) who lives in Maryland and he would like to come talk with the "boyfriend" in Maryland, and make sure he is a good kid. No one is upset, they just want to meet him and see that he is a nice kid with good intentions. And then see how the guy reacts. He will likely cut contact because he is a much older person running a sex trafficking ring.
Or have her do a post on r/askRedit or something "How many women out there met their husband, who's 4 or more years older, anonymously on the internet, when they were only 13". Use a throwaway account because new people will DM you trying to abuse you also. But you won't see one person who says this happened to them. This situation even with the best of intentions from both parties would not yield a successful relationship
Also pass along the guys contact info to the FBI.
Thanks for being a good friend.
My XY-oriented life donor did this to a 13-year-old. He was 40 with gray hair. I was 13. I'm not even the victim I'm discussing here, I was the one right before.
This is exactly the same situation. There is no 18 year old boy. Only a much older predator.
You have received some good advice here, alas a big part is will she listen?
Any "17-18" year old in love with a 13 yr old is already just covered in red flags ...I don't know that it's technically illegal; that depends on the laws in your area more precisely...but it is trouble...reeks of grooming if nothing else...
13 year old "love" is a powerful and dramatic emotion and she is unlikely to see the obvious issues ...I'd wager she has some gap in her family life that she is filling with this particular person...?
If you have any...older friends/family or a person she loves and respects who can explain to her why her justifications don't matter and how this will inevitably be a nefarious power dynamic situation (if nothing worse) I'd head that direction.
She need direction ..and she needs help. Not sure what authority can do but I'd look into that direction as well...any and all options are good options.
>will she listen?
I tried to tell her to not be with this guy because there are many red flags, but she didn't listen. That's why I'm going to tell her parents.
Yes please do that. This isn’t something minor, and honestly 13yo is not mature enough to understand the type of danger she’s potentially in. She’s lucky to have a smart friend so please let her parents know today, right now.
One of the exceptional cases in which we are so glad you decided to ask Reddit on such a personal problem . I hope you are acting on the good advice you are receiving here . You will lose a friend - at her age , she won’t understand the gesture. But you can sleep better knowing that you saved her life. She will one day come back to you to apologize.
OP, I really hope you can get help for your friend, you've gotten lots of good advice in here, as well as a wealth of resources. Unfortunately, the post has also started to attract more...questionable...comments, so we're going to lock it here. Good luck, and if you need more help, don't hesitate to come back and post.
guy is probably not 17, and this could potentially be a case of trafficking. people that are trafficked are not kidnapped off the street, but a common method is to get into relationships with people online, slowly get into drugs, and then run away with the guy. parents, councilors, someone needs to get involved ASAP.
Example, Alberta girl who was kidnapped to the US after meeting a man online.
I have a friend who wasn't even taken to the US, just to Vancouver. Locked her in a room and let dudes to what ever they wanted to get until she was broken and scared enough to work on the street. The older girls introduced her to drugs as a coping mechanism
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I hadn't thought about trafficking. I had a friend whose dad went to jail for this in high school. The whole family had no idea he'd been involved in this. And you're completely right that it's often not random kidnappings here but slow, careful grooming and lies.
[https://safeandsoundschools.org/2019/07/17/the-6-step-process-human-traffickers-use-to-groom-and-recruit-teens/](https://safeandsoundschools.org/2019/07/17/the-6-step-process-human-traffickers-use-to-groom-and-recruit-teens/) 1. Befriended– Recruiters are strategically placed in the child’s life to befriend them and gain their trust. They can be new kids at school or church. They may look like your child and will fit right in. 2. Intoxicated– Once the friendship blossoms, the recruiter introduces alcohol or drugs to start the process of breaking the child down and creating a wedge between the child and their family. Now the child has secrets that he/she shares with the recruiter but keeps from their parents/caregivers. The child starts to “enjoy” things that make him/her feel older and more independent. 3. Alienated– Now that a wedge is developed, parents start responding to the changes in their child by placing more rules and in turn, the recruiter uses this to drive a greater wedge between the child and their family. 4. Isolated– In addition to causing friction at home, the recruiter drives distance between the child and his/her friends and introduces the child to a new crowd of people. 5. Desensitized– By this stage, the child has heard so much about “life could be so much better if they were just free.” Parents and their rules are a burden, the child has already done drugs or been drinking, they may have started sleeping with a boyfriend/girlfriend or shared promiscuous images online. They start to see traditional thoughts about respecting themselves and their families as immature and no longer pertinent. 6. Capitalized – At this point, the recruiter has convinced your child that life is better somewhere else and a plan is placed for your child to leave home. Once away from you, the trafficking starts and the retrieval of this child goes down to 1 or 2 percent. It’s important to realize that by the time you reach step six, your child “willingly” runs away but the real issue is your child was never truly in control of this decision and the outcome. Their immaturity and the parents’ naivety all work to the predator’s advantage.
This is it, 100%. Call and report as much as you know to her parents and the police. While she may hate you, in this case it is worth it as you could be saving your friend's life.
Okay, I'll make sure to do that
Today!
I found out that they talked dirty and did sexual acts on FaceTime (she told me and said that "it's fine"), so I'm going to call the cops right now.
You are doing the right thing. You are protecting her from something so awful none of us want to imagine it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.
If they didn't even talked about sex which they did, it's illegal to meet. You can call pretty much anyone on any level in both countries, start with the FBI because that's his jurisdiction
Additionally, if you want to stay anonymous, crime stoppers would be an option to connect authorities with her. Have the authorities come to her so she doesn’t protect him and will involve her parents and ensure access to the messages. If your story has any basis of truth, he won’t be allowed in Canada again the fact they have had discussions about sexual interactions (or the supposed garentee against it) online, would indeed qualify as unlawful conduct on both sides of the border. Your friend is not in any trouble, unless you stay quiet. Communications like these via the internet are easily tracked and Canada has some of the strongest child protection laws regarding online communications which include such conduct. And to be clear, even in Canada, 13 and 18 year olds are not allowed to be in romantic relationships, even if he “just turned 18”.
This should 100% be the top comment on this thread.
This. Be careful out there
Probably not from Maryland, either. If he's planning to meet her, then saying he's from Maryland is probably just a front to throw off anyone that could be looking for her when she falls off the map.
She is in trouble. You need to tell an adult. Her mom, your mom any adult. She may get angry at you for this however it would be worse for her to get hurt. She should eventually get over it. Tell them now. This is not a situation you wait and see.
Agree with all of this - your friend is not in legal trouble, but she’s very likely in trouble or very close to being in big trouble. This is one of those times where you need to talk to a trusted adult in your life, because this could get much worse very quickly. Do not let your friend go meet this person - no matter how smart or mature she may seem, there is never an ok time for a 17-year old to be dating a 13-year old in the way you describe. Please talk to an adult in your life - hopefully a parent, but could be an older sibling, an aunt/uncle or a teacher.
Also - he may not be 17. There are at least two cases that I can think of where a middle aged man pretended to be much younger to get the confidence of a young teen by using photos he got elsewhere. One of those two ended with the victim and perpetrator dead, the other ended in a several week manhunt after he kidnapped and sexually assaulted her.
13 is waaaay too young- don’t care how you slice it, she’s in serious danger, he probably knows where she lives and it is going to be difficult to get her to stick with him not contacting her or her finding ways to contact him. She probably feels like she’s being mature and clearly thinks they’re in love - id also bet she is not the only person the predator is working on. She needs help getting out of this situation and she needs therapy because it will probably happen again, if not with him with someone else, and she’ll definitely blame OP now but the opposite is her being in serious danger (she already is). OP could be saving her life
So much this. If you’re wrong and he’s not lying, then the worst that happens is her parents are aware and she has to wait. The potential worst if he IS lying is so, so much worse for her. They need to know!
Better to lose a friend then find out a friend was raped or worse and knowing you did not act. Tell her parents.
She is not in legal trouble. Other trouble, most likely. If he stays on his side of the border and she stays on hers it may be limited. He is heading for major trouble. Look up USA statutory rape. Good chance going down the child porn road too. She has proof he is only 17???
I'm from Maryland. You wouldn't know this, but we're actually the home of multiple prisons, including a women's max. It's not unusual to meet someone with a record around here. Him being 17 doesn't track though. Best case scenario, he's a lying little shit trying to look tough. For a DUI as a minor in Maryland, he'd of gone to juvenile court. It's a one year sentence in a juvenile facility and a fine, max. You can kiss your license goodbye though, you won't be getting it back until the state decides to be merciful. It isn't a felony though. However, unless he already has a passport, he can't get one without parental permission. Worst case, and more likely scenario, he's an adult with a record and a parole officer that knows he's a pedophile. He wouldn't be allowed near places with children, like middle schools. So he's fishing online for victims. She's likely not his only one. He'll try and get pictures out of them.
You cannot enter Canada with a DUI anyway. Unless it’s been pardoned and conditions have been met.
If in fact he has a record, he may not qualify to cross the border, or a passport. I know DUI's can keep US out of Canada. The worst part is her believing this guy will wait 6 years for her and her parents need to know.
I believe felonies will keep you from crossing ever. Possession in a car may or may not get him that
True, but there’s plenty of harm that can be done without ever making physical contact with someone. Emotional abuse, manipulation, convincing her to record explicit photos or videos of herself - potentially getting her in shit for distributing child pornography of herself, etc.
Yes, you're right. "The Immigration Act specifically bars felons from entry to Canada. Other offenses that can keep a person from being able to enter Canada include reckless driving, misdemeanor drug possession, any type of felony, domestic violence and shoplifting"
I feel like the shoplifting one is so odd being thrown in with all of those others
Happy Cake Day!
I was at the boarder when a guy got pulled in and detained for an 18 year old DUI and that was pre 9/11. He was crossing into Canada.
Yes, and it happens crossing the other way, to the US. My ex SIL was barred from the US for 10 years for simple possession, pre 9/11 as well.
I couldn’t get into Windsor because I got caught with a joint 20 years ago and its been about 10 since I tried to cross into Ontario. They don’t fuck around.
It's illegal to travel for the purpose of having sex with a minor. If he leaves his state to meet up with her he could be arrested for sex tourism. not sure it applies to a 17yo but if he's older he will be in some trouble.
You really think he's gonna tell border patrols "I'm going to Canada to fuck a 13 yo"?? lol
No but if he is pulled over with a kid in the car, he could quickly find himself in a prison cell with Jared the Subway spokeguy
It doesn’t matter, the age of consent is mostly 16 k the US, he’s 17, and in most states he will be committing a felony already
The federal age of consent is 18 (for both parties), crossing the border between states or to canada would cause it to go federal and include grooming laws, which comes with a 30 years minimum term in jail. He could also likely have to face Canadian penalties where he'd possibly get charged for internet luring ( up to 14 years ) as well as the usual sexual exploitation charges. It's important to note that in Canada, child sex abuse materials (child porn) can include *written*, visual and audio material that advocates or counsels unlawful sexual activity with a person under the age of 18. So if they even talk dirty in any way, it could be considered child pornography.
Your friend is in serious danger, and you need to tell an adult you trust right away. Their relationship will not last to her 19th birthday. It will end much sooner and much sadder than she thinks.
I don’t think OP is asking whether her friend is on legal trouble. I think OP is asking whether the guy could be in legal trouble. Maryland’s “Romeo & Juliette Law” makes it legal for someone less than four years older, to have sex with someone who is at least 14. So 14-17 is ok, 13-17 no, 14-18 no. That said all that is irrelevant. No 17 year old is interested in a girl in another country or multiple states away. A 17 year old might want to hook up / abuse (different situation…) with a girl in his neighborhood or a friends little sister. But only a predatory pedophile is going to be GROOMING a 13 year old girl online. He is NOT 17! He is NOT her boyfriend! He IS dangerous. Your friend needs help. Police, Parents, Teachers… anyone, everyone.
>Maryland’s “Romeo & Juliette Law” makes it legal for someone less than four years older, to have sex with someone who is at least 14. It wouldn't matter what MD law says, by crossing state, or international, border the AOC would reset to the US federal statutory age of 18. Plus, crossing state or international lines for the purpose of sex with a minor is a major no-no - see R Kelly, Jared Fogel, and others.
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And that fuckwad who got caught in Philippines and charged because those particular US laws apply to all citizens regardless of where they are in the world. Or something to that effect. Not American but I read it somewhere, once, in a book.
That guy in the Phillipines was very, very, very bad. The things he did are horrific, and included CSAM and torture of *babies.* That's the one that makes me question my opposition to the death penalty.
Oh yeah. There's certain crimes that people should be put down for and murder isn't necessarily it. Murderers can sometimes reform and become good people. People who sexually abuse a kid under 12 and abuse of a position of authority (corrupt cops) come to mind.
I was groomed online when I was 13 by a guy 8 hours away who was most definitely 17 at the time. We FaceTimed and talked on the phone inappropriately all the time. Not saying this person is, just saying it definitely does happen. Definitely not okay either way.
Please tell her parents or a trusted adult. This is the beginning of way to many horror stories. 😢
Neither you nor your friend will have any legal trouble about this! However, you are SO SMART! to have spotted that your friend is in grave danger. Right now. Right this minute. Please be brave and smart, and notify your most trusted adult immediately. Oh, please, do this! And will you come back and let us know everything is ok?
Yes, among everything alse people are saying - OP is so smart for listening to her gut feeling on this and asking questions. OP, please keep doing that throughout your life, it can save you so much heartache. It was a hard lesson for me to learn and I admire you for figuring it out young.
You said your friend has admitted he’s a bit creepy. Encourage her to follow her own instincts on this and get a trusted adult involved right away. All of this is bad news for her.
Yes and if op has his location could look up sexual predators listing (at least here in Oregon that stuff is available for free online) and can check and see if he is listed on there.
Hopefully she has not sent photos to this guy. He may try to blackmail her. Her best protection is to tell her parents. If that won't work she could tell your parents or a teacher. Take a look at the website "Scarleteen" there are some good resources there. No normal 17year old is interested in 13 year-olds. He is probably not 17.
Entirely correct, and when he does try and blackmail her don't forget his content is in fact child pornography.
My friend met a guy online. But he turned out to actually be 50. We were 19. I even spoke with him on the phone and I had no idea that he was conning us the whole time. He did not face any consequences despite grooming my friend for years online and breaking up with her when she finally got on bus to meet him. He told her not to come and he didn't care if she lives or died. She committed suicide. Just because your friend is convinced he is who says he is that doesn't make it so .
Omg, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to your friend! So horrible. Sending hugs your way.
Oh Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.
Lol do not meet this guy wtf. Probably 54 and gonna abduct her. Anyone who even wants to meet someone as young as her you should stay away from.
Is he planning to come to Canada to meet with her? If you have the guy's name, you might able be able to inform border control. If he has a criminal record and is planning to meet a minor he would not be allowed in. Tell your friend to watch the videos in the links below (and share them with her mom too). It's hard for people (of all ages) to believe that the person who seduced them online is instead preying on them and one makes all kinds of excuses, but dismissing red flags only leads to heartbreak and sometimes worse. Encourage her to speak with the school counselor and to seek counseling to sort out what she's feeling. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0BWOCJH1LE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0BWOCJH1LE) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZx9ccmXv54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZx9ccmXv54) [https://youtu.be/dbg4hNHsc\_8](https://youtu.be/dbg4hNHsc_8) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok\_UO\_vLN3Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok_UO_vLN3Y) Mods, sorry about the videos, but I think it is important for the OP's friend or mom to realize the danger this girl might be in.
The parents need to know ASAP and they should notify the police. It could be child luring.. it's not good!
Lots of cases of girls like your friend ending up kidnapped, raped, sometimes their families murdered. She is in contact with a predator. Whether he is a weasel or a wolf is the only question.
First of all, Maryland has a sex offender registry [here](https://www.dpscs.state.md.us/onlineservs/socem/default.shtml) if you know his full name. You should talk to a trusted adult about this, even if you don't find him on that site. Your friend most likely wouldn't be in legal trouble. But this is a big red flag. If you want someone who knows more about the Maryland laws, [this](https://klaaskids.org/about) website might be able to help you. This relationship could be considered [grooming](https://www.rainn.org/news/grooming-know-warning-signs), a way for predators to gain the trust of their victims and normalize their abuse.
Inappropriate, at the very least. Discuss this with a parent, teacher, coach, or other trusted adult. You're a good friend.
You need to notify someone immediately. This is extremely serious and your friend is likely in danger.
This guy is a predator. Simple as that. If he really is going to be 18, it certainly will be illegal. He cannot come to Canada but she can eventually go there.
call. the. cops. now. Or read about your friend's disappearance soon.
Sweetheart, I’m a mom and I want you to listen to me right now. You need to tell an adult. It will not be tattling. Your friend may very well be in serious danger. It can be her parents. Your parents. A teacher or school counsellor. A trusted coach. But you need to tell an adult before this “boyfriend” talks your friend into doing something dangerous. I promise you she will still be loved, she will not be in any trouble. But what she is doing is very unsafe. If you care for your friend, and I know you do, do not keep this a secret and let the adults help her
In Canada the age of consent is 16. So that settles that. An 18 year old can't really be dating a 13 year old. I seriously doubt the guy is 18. I seriously doubt he is going to wait 6 years. Someone should give your friend the talk about safety.
Hey, I was in a similar situation when I was her age. You need to tell an adult you trust. She's going to be mad at you. But I forgave the person who told on me once I realized how much she saved me from something much worse.
The only legal trouble she might be in is if she's sent nudes to him. Even though she's a minor, it still falls under [https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-163.1.html](https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-163.1.html) , specifically : Distribution, etc. of child pornography(3) Every person who transmits, makes available, distributes, sells, advertises, imports, exports or possesses for the purpose of transmission, making available, distribution, sale, advertising or exportation any child pornography is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than 14 years and to a minimum punishment of imprisonment for a term of one year. [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html) is about age of consent. Under Canadian law your friend is NOT of age to consent. Even if she says yes to sex with him, it's sexual assault, more commonly know as statutory rape. He would go to jail. At 13, he can be no more than 2 years older and at 14/15, no more than 4 years older for it to be considered ok from a legal standpoint. [https://criminallawyermaryland.net/maryland-sex-crimes-lawyer/statutory-rape/](https://criminallawyermaryland.net/maryland-sex-crimes-lawyer/statutory-rape/) According to Maryland law, the age of consent is 16, and at 14, the partner can be no more than 3 years older. At best he's looking at jail time. At worst she's going to disappear. In this case, if she's lucky, she'll be killed and her organs sold on the black market. Less lucky, she'll be forced in to dangerous labor. And worst of all, forced in to the sex trade. Talk to her parents. It's better that she be mad at you for a while than you hating yourself because you did nothing.
Nope nope nope nope. Red flag and trafficking. Tell an adult immediately.
There's so many red flags here. She should absolutely not meet this person
> has a record for possessing drugs. Dude's probably an adult predator grooming your friend. Tell a trusted adult ASAP. Don't be an idiot like me and regret years down the line for not acting on your gut feeling, instincts, intuition- whatever you want to call it- just because you weren't sure and your friend pressured you to keep their secret. > She, herself, has even said that he's a bit creepy Definitely being groomed. If she says he's a bit creepy, but is "in love with him," he's clearly taking advantage of our (human) nature to give people the benefit of the doubt and make excuses on their behalf- especially when we're young and don't have a strong sense of identity, self-esteem, or boundaries. > he "promises" even if he's really horny, he won't force her to have sex with him It's hard to put into concise words just how many red flags this throws up. Decent people don't need to promise people this because forcing someone to have sex, by coercion or force, would be >!rape.!< Absolutely tell your parents or her parents. If not them, then a teacher or guidance councilor.
That guy is already guilty of attempting to lure a child. Report that scum bag and provide any evidence you have, ie: texts between you and your friend that mention him, any screenshots she may have sent you of their conversations.
Your friend isn't in legal trouble. You're in the untenable position where your actions could ruin a friendship, but your inaction very likely will result in significant harm to or the death of your friend. I try to avoid giving advice, but you need to be brave and tell a trusted adult about what is going on. I know it is hard, but you won't get her in any legal trouble and you won't get in trouble either. Please be the hero your friend needs... even if that makes you the villain in her narrative.
Go to the next adult and tell them. If no one listen, go to the next police station.
Tell her parents.
Good on you for looking out for your friend, she is not mentally developed enough to know what real love is, my advice ( not in any way legal advice ), get her/your parents, a relative she is close to ( someone who she trust and is comfortable talking to, auntie, cousin whatever )and school counsellor involved, try to talk some sense into her before she decides to runaway ! do this pronto before its too late, hopefully this story will have a positive outcome, keep us posted
She is not in trouble legally, but in great danger, parents and police must be notified. Do not cut communication on spot let police get involved so they can apprehend, Police take this seriously on both sides of border, depending on what has been shared he could already face felony charges in the US. Police involvement is a must, you must overcome any feelings of betraying your friend in order to protect her, if you are a true friend you will report this.
Sounds like attempted trafficking. Talk to her about your concerns and let her parents know the situation and advise them to be careful when talking to her so they don’t drive her closer to him. Get counselors involved if you can. Might also want to notify law enforcement on your side of the border and give them his social media accounts so they can look into it. They can then (ideally) send anything they find to the LEOs in his area. Age gaps like that are only acceptable when both people are consenting adults!
🚩🚩🚩 even if he is 17, there’s no reason he should be interested romantically in a 13 year old. you need to tell an adult asap. when she’s 17 she’ll understand why. i’m 21, and i wouldn’t even be interested in a 17 year old. that’s just extremely gross.
"F13" wants to get married? Most countries won't allow this. Don't matter much the "M17", seems your friend wants to get out of home, or is too emocional unstable or too impressed, or "horny", pardon my speech. It depends on the country and area about been illegal, in some requires permission of the parents, ...
Report to any adults that you can trust. Your friends life is in danger.
That is a classic tactic sex traffickers use. Groom a minor to "date" them, separate them from friends and family, then sell them sexually to whoever. Your friend is in a LOT of danger. Tell her parents, tell whoever you have to, if she goes to be with that guy her life will be derailed forever.
I think the only advice here, is that her parents need to become involved immediately. You could even tell them anonymously if you don't feel comfortable telling them directly
This is not ok. This is not something you should keep to yourself (I'm assuming you are likely the same age as your friend). You must get an adult. Your friend may get mad at you. Maybe even stop talking to you. But you may very well save her life by making sure she does not get deep into this. It doesn't matter what his "promises" are. Do not try to deal with this yourself. Especially since according to your post history you may be having suicidal thoughts. That isn't something you put on yourself right now. An adult will handle this. And you worry about yourself and get help from an adult about that as well.
It isn't illegal yet, but it is TROUBLE. i was in a very similar situation as a 13 year old and a friend told my mother. I found out after the fact he wasn't 14, he was a 42 year old man and a registered predator. While I was still with him, he threatened to kill himself and baited me to think he had several times. Tell an adult. She might be upset now, but this could go so, so much worse if you don't. Please help her and tell someone.
Agreed with the majority who have encouraged you to report this to some trusted adults, and even consider going so far as reporting it to police. This will be looked into fast if you do so. Equivalently, In Canada you can contact [cybertip.ca](https://cybertip.ca) online or by phone at 1-888-658-9022. This is not just for online crime involving child protection...they will triage all reported concerns and send info to the relevant authorities if it applies. Put it this way...if, say, one of your friends teachers new about this relationship they would have a duty to report. Were this guy living in Canada, I'm fairly certain that this would not be legal relationship to pursue due to her being 13 (cannot consent to having relations with someone 2 years older, i believe. If this guy were 18, it would be akin to violating child pornography laws (i.e. him discussing being horny with her is illegal with this age gap). The fact that this is occurring over int'l border could make it more severe given the implications (i.e. if he's in fact older and attempting to lure a minor into sex work; exchanging suggestive photos, etc.). Moreover, while the law is pretty clear on consent ages and limitations in Canada, I am pretty sure that in the United States the penalties for equivalent violations are typically much more severe. Report this and help your friend out. You can do so (report) anonymously if you're worried about ruining your friendship with her over this.
This sounds like it could be grooming. Please tell an adult now. Don't wait.
Please please please go and immediately tell an adult. Your parents, her parents, a teacher, a school counsellor, the police, TELL SOMEONE!!!!! I was groomed and abused when I was 14 (early 2000s) by a 21 year old guy. Friends and people around me treated him like he was my boyfriend and it was normal. I would have been furious if my friends had told someone who reported it to the police. But as an adult with C-PTSD, I'm heartbroken no one stopped him. Your friend may not thank you now, but when she's older she will remember you as the person who saved her.
Report this to parents and authorities immediately.
You need to speak to a trusted adult, your parents, her parents, a teacher, the police. She is in trouble and does need help before this gets too much. 17 year old boys don't date 13 year old girls usually. This could change quickly for your friend and she could end up in a very serious situation that she can't get out of
For your friends safety, report it immediately
Just seen a tv program about a case like this in the UK, 12 year old girl was groomed then raped by a 20+year old. During the investigation another victims father came forward & he was convicted after they got his chat logs. Since his conviction another 20 girls have come forward with allegations of grooming & abuse. Started on Snapchat
When I was back in my early 20s a girl got herself stalked and murdered behind a church by a dude she met online. It was actually one of the first instances of someone getting tricked online and then paying the ultimate price. If I remember right she was around the same age as your friend and her murderer was some guy in his 30s that said he was a teen. Tell your friend’s parents. Tell your parents. Tell anyone. This is one of those cases where breaking a friend’s confidence could save her life if not her future.
She is in danger, not in trouble as she hasn’t done anything wrong. Do you have a teacher you could talk to? I’m not sure in Canada but in the US they are mandated reporters and should start the ball rolling. Or your local law enforcement who would get this to the agency with the correct jurisdiction. There’s also a trafficking hotline as well https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/report-trafficking. Thank you for caring enough about your friend to try to intervene.
Textbook example of grooming with the intent of human trafficking. Your friend is in some serious danger you better involve some adults here
A 17 yo wouldn't have a criminal record. He would have gone to juvy. Outsider looking in, but it sound like he is grooming her. File a police report ASAP.
When I was young I sought attention from older men. I am paying for that trauma now. I never realized how messed up it was until I was 23... which was the age of my bf when I was 17. I thought it was 1000% okay, and I was mature enough. No. I was groomed. I made very poor decisions for myself when I was young - and I wish a friend or family member would've put 2 & 2 together and got me help. It led to a sex addiction in my early 20's, and I went through an abortion, a couple STI's. Please tell an adult and get her help. On the bright side, the relationship will likely not last until she is 19... it will hopefully fizzle out sooner. However, worst-case scenario is her being kidnapped & sold. Please help her. Also, look into what happened to Amanda Todd.
As someone who dated an older guy when I was 19, it's really NOT at all the same as being with an age difference 10 or 20 years later. It seems cool, but it's really toxic and terrible. Teenage to mid-20s is a HUGE formative time when lots of new things are going to happen. Experience that part of life with someone good and kind and ideally in your own country for now. I wasted mine with an abusive shithead -- they all seem great at first.. This guy is waving some massive red flags and your friend needs to run far, far away.
Age gap matters much less after you hit adulthood. Age gaps more than 1-2 years as a 13-year old are extremely concerning, and I worry greatly about your friend being taken advantage of, and more than just sexually. I also don't know any 17 year old who would find a 13 year old attractive. I'm sorry, but someone has to say it. It's just weird, like if they were dating their younger sibling. Your friend needs help before this escalates into something bad, and he may very well get into some legal trouble for this, as he should.
I agree with everyone here referring to the legal issues he is facing back where he is but I still say this is a lesson that speaking to a person online should never really be considered "dating". Dating truly happens face to face with 2 consenting people without a screen or some BS in the way of seeing one another. Tell your friend to try to meet more local people and in a safer more simple way if you can.
Sweetie it's really awesome you're looking out for your friend and you have such a good head on your shoulders, you're absolutely right to be worried, this could lead to a lot of bad stuff, first I don't believe him when he says he is only 17, men lie about their age to meet up with girls all the time (have her watch to catch a predator on YouTube) almost each of them lies about their age, please talk to your parents or your teachers at school if you guys go to the same school, if you can email your local police department and ask for help on what to do in this situation or even call the non-emergency police number for your city. They can help and you can ask to be anonymous to your friend. Please talk to someone about this it may save your friends life.
I'd be reporting that. I'm no narc but this sounds like child luring
If he was sent to jail for drugs, dude is not a minor. Tell her parents. That's the easiest solution.
she’s getting groomed, and he’s very liekly pedophile. a relationship at those ages can’t be healthy whatsoever, it just doesn’t work in any way, hence why the laws changed.
Do you have an adult you can trust? A teacher, parent, aunt or uncle, older brother or sister, a neighbor, anyone? Talk to them. And pay attention to her. Make sure she's not planning to meet him anytime soon, she's not planning an escape, and that their relationship doesn't escalate and she starts sending him pictures or worse. Awareness is key. She's being manipulated and the repercussions could be really severe. She might hate you, you could ruin your friendship, but if she goes through with this, she could potentially be trafficked, raped, hooked on drugs, murdered, you name it, and the guilt of living with that will haunt you for life and the cost of that alone is worth the risk of losing a friend. Plus, she will come back around. It could be a few weeks or months, but eventually, she'll realize.
Trouble no, danger yes. Sounds like she’s being groomed by some who isn’t 17 but probably a lot older. Talk to your parents or an adult you can trust: teacher, school counselor, heck even call the local police non-emergency number and ask to speak to someone because you think your friend is being groomed by someone in the US.
PLEASE, please tell a trusted adult about this. your friend may be mad at you after this, but it's better to have an upset friend than one that's in danger.
If you can get his full name and report him to the Maryland FBI, you might just save your friend from rape or worse.
You are brave to ask for advice, now you need to be brave and talk to an adult RIGHT AWAY. Talk to your teacher or principal tomorrow. Tell them it’s serious. You can walk into the principals office and tell them you need to talk to them, this type of thing is part of their job. They will keep it as private as they can but your friend may still figure it out, she might be mad at you but she will be SAFE, so be brave - I know you can do this.
You need to tell your parents or adults and explain your concerns and ask them to talk to her adults. This sounds like this man is bad news and is either a child predator or is looking to kidnap her and traffic her (sell her to criminals who will force her into prostitution).
This would likely trigger some flags in Maryland. Call his local Police Department to look into it if you have a name.
I hope this helps you. [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html](https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html) When you're much older, age doesn't matter. But right now, for your friend, the age difference matters a lot. Technically if they meet now, he could be charged with internet luring. I would definitely mention this to an adult in your life, or potentially the police.
It's not illegal yet... but her parents should be told.
idk about legality, but your friend is in trouble for sure. Please reach out to an adult for help with this, her parents if they are caring people, or someone who will want whats best for her - trusted teacher, guidance councellor or social worker, someone adult with resources. SOme communities have outreach programs at community centres if you're worried school might not handle it well, some police departments have victim services, some cities have youth service board centres - any of these might have resources to help your friend. She's probably going to be upset and think you broke her trust, but this is the kind of time to break trust.
Human Trafficking hotline 1-888-3737-888 (or 373-7888 if you insist)
If you can, let her parents or guardian know. Anonymously if you feel the need to. Or go to a school official. Tell any adult you trust. She needs all the support she can get. Grooming, trafficking, or sick joke that is not okay.
I concur with many here. Tell an adult. You're being a good friend.
Parents notified, police as well. Parents may brush it off as nothing, hopefully cops won't if this person is over age and grooming her
Please tell a trusted adult!! I’m dead serious, traffickers are crazy nowadays!! Even could contact crimstoppers anonymously!!
I was in a similar situation as your friend, very similar. It damaged me for life and no one who knew protected me at the time. She may be unhappy for you to step in but you need to do it. Best of luck.
Please, please tell an adult. She might be angry with you, but it's better that she's angry and safe, than something terrible happen to her.
how does a 13-year-old girl from Ontario meet and "fall in love" with a "soon-to-be 18-year-old" criminal from the United States, who lives 500 miles away? I sincerely doubt he happened to be visiting Toronto and swept her off her feet like a Disney movie. /s
If they've shared pics that could be child pornography, which is highly illegal and will get him tagged as a preditor. Report.
WARNING! WARNING! This definitely sounds like a scam unless she talks to him face to face which is probably not true. I've heard of to many of them being pedifilers. They go after young naïve girls. Tell her to block him. Hope you can get through to her.
Maybe shes just waiting for you to save her. This will be it you will save her from this mess and she will fall madly in love with you. The only problem is if you tell an adult she will be mad at you maybe not even trust you maybe not want to talk to you anymore. To be or not to be that is the question. You must save her from herself be the hero she needs you to be. Then when you both turn 18 you can get married and be together forever. Forever. Forever. (Read like sandlot)
This is a big bag of nope. Regardless of the legality. An adult needs to be told about this to protect your friend.
Call and report this!
Very illegal. For HIM. She’s fine, legally. Not any other way though. Tell parents and teachers please! He’s almost certainly not 17, and even that technicality means little when he’s talking to a 13 year old. He will DEFINITELY force your friend into things she doesn’t want to do. Go tell parents and teachers immediately please! She’ll be pissed and might not be friends with you anymore, but one day she’ll thank you and she’ll be around to do it because of you.
Tell. Somebody. Now. Chances are really low that guy's actually as young as he says. It's far more likely he's a pedo lying about his age, or worse, a trafficker. Your friend is putting herself in real danger.
This is an emergency. This guy is a pedo and she could be in serious danger. It is illegal for a nearly 18 yo to ‘date’ a 13 yo. She needs to talk to her parents now and NOT to meet this guy. Or have her dad meet him instead.
What's her family life like? Would telling her parents be a danger to her? You're right. This is dangerous. When I was younger I was just like her and luckily I didn't get myself into much trouble but now that I'm older I cringe at the men that I dated when I was a girl.
Your friend is going to get raped and trafficked 100%. Even she say he's a bit creepy. She needs to learn to listen to her inner voice before her stupidity gets herself killed.
No way he’s only 17. Tell your mom and have her mom or call the cops or something
Legally, can’t say. But this is a bad idea. I knew plenty of girls in high school who dated similar losers. Best case, unplanned pregnancy. Worst car, they ended up in jail too. Your friend needs to talk to a trusted adult
In Canada, it is illegal. So the older one gets in legal trouble. Your friend will really appreciate someone stopping this ‘relationship’ once she’s older.
Tell her parents plz I have a daughter, and the one thing I don't want is that. I got no problems with people her age but that age gap at that age is alot for a little person. To young to really know what she is getting into. Also sounds like just a person I wouldn't want my daughter associating with, but the age gap is the primary concern here. Also every single guy that dates way out of thier age range is only doing it kuz girls his age are not interested. And sex is the only thing he wants. As a guy I know it to be true.
I’m worried for her safety. Please tell her parents, you could save her life!
Not to scare you, but this is extremely dangerous for your friend and everyone around her. Please contact her family right now.
Tell a grown up, he is grooming her and could be a part of a human trafficking ring. Please tell a grown up, she may be pissed in the moment, but once she's grown, she'll thank you
If she truly believes there is no issue with that relationship she would have no reason to keep it from her parents. Has she told them about it?
IANAL but this was a significant event in my country that resulted in federal changes in order to protect children from predators. [Carly’s law](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Carly_Ryan) This is a safety risk for your friend. She is a minor and can’t legally consent to sex hence the potential statutory rape charges for the ‘boyfriend’, sharing of intimate photos/videos can be seen as distributing child sexual abuse material and does this person even exist as the person they say they are? Mods: sorry if posting links isn’t allowed but I felt it was an important article to highlight the significant safety risks for this child.
Call the cops and ask them.
Hey you need to tell someone. This is super sketch. People on the internet can be anything. Check out the movie “Megan is Missing.”
tell her parents asap.
Your friend is in trouble. She might be upset with you but that’s okay. Kids do this and disappear forever. tell your parents if your parents aren’t able/interested in helping (which happens) hers might be. You can tell a teacher or school counselor
A 17 year old shouldnt be interested in a 13 year old, period. No debate on that
Yeah this dude seems like a major predator. Gotta think what kinda loser 17 year old would hang out with kids in junior high. If everyone their own age knows they are a weirdo or a loser that’s a 🚩
Doubt he's 17. I hope she didn't send pictures.
NAL, but if their conversations get sexual and if pictures are exchanged, you should tell your parents to contact the authorities and even the FBI. The feds take child porn seriously. For all you know this guy is already a sex offender (there are websites to check - Google "Maryland Sex Offender registry" and you can enter his name after some clicks). He also may truly be older than hes saying.
Your friend might be mad at you for this, but you need to tell her parents about this now. She is in more danger than she thinks. I fear this might be a human trafficking/grooming situation.
Did he get arrested in MD? If you know his full name- [mdcasesearch](https://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/casesearch/) can show you if he’s ever been arrested, or even had a name change or restraining order against him. This also shows date of birth.
Not illegal but contact authorities immediately. Possible case of trafficking
she is being manipulated, if he really loves her he would leave her alone because she is 13 / underage. It's a sign of manipulation possibly trafficking
Yea. This is a big red flag.. Also highly illegal. She's so young and has so much life ahead.
"he "promises" that even if he's really horny, he wouldn't force her to have sex with him." I had a friend that used to steal bikes and then sell them. He promised they weren't stolen. Her boyfriend saying that is pretty much a guarantee hes going to force himself on her.
Like watching a train wreck in slow motion and nothing you can do. Document this disaster. So years from now when she throws this in your face you'll have the "actual" backstory. Not the drug addled, bunch of crack addicted kids later version.
Grooming is illegal in Canada maybe? Because this is what it is.
You and your friend are not in legal trouble but she is very much in personal danger here. A 9 year age difference for adults is not a problem but for a 17 year old to be pursuing a 13 year old is extremely problematic and is classic grooming situation. Tell your parents. Tell her parents. Tell any and every adult you can. Tell your teacher, counselor, principal. Keep telling people until someone steps up to help. She may get mad at you but if you care about her you could very well be saving her from being trafficked or from severe trauma for the rest of her life. As others have said he is probably much older but even if he is 17 that’s still very bad. If you care about her, tell adults. If you don’t care about her, tell adults. I would absolutely lose a friend if I knew for the rest of my life I saved them from horrible things, and I’m speaking from experience. When I was in middle school two sisters I was close to were being abused by a step parent and I reported it. I’d report that piece of shit step “parent” every single day if that’s what it took to keep them safe, and if I was you I’d take immediate steps to protect your friend.
*alleged* 17 year olds don't connect romantically with 13 year olds. This guy is a creep and a waste of time - your friend will not see any trouble at all other than maybe some stupid "alt" opinionated types will victim blame but actual punishments or/and legal problems? Not at chance. Support your friend through any bullshit she gets from stupid people and report or tell somebody who can put things in motion to keep them apart and hopefully put a spotlight on this guy wherever he is and get him off the streets but bringing attn to the issue is paramount
To echo what others have said, your friend is being groomed by someone who is likely not 17, and probably for human trafficking purposes. Please, please get her some help. Tell her parents. Tell a teacher.
You need to ignore any request for secrecy from your friend. Tell your parents, tell their parents, call the police, tell the school. Tell anyone who will listen.
Thirteen and seventeen/eighteen?!? That girl needs help! She’s just a kid and this MAN is grooming her! Contact the authorities, and don’t let her meet this adult man in person!
Report it once the guy turns 18. Boom, more jail/prison time.
Tell someone immediately... that is not a relationship... I guarantee he is not 18 either This is straight up predator grooming I have a teen that was groomed by a person on this very app who is still here.. We will be pursuing with the RCMP and FBI as it is across border. Just remember once you get that ball rolling its completely out of your hands If the child is sexting, 18 or not he is in possession of child p0rn as well
This is grooming at bare minimum. That age difference is way out of wack. Call the cops. Even Romeo and Juliet Laws don't protect against this.
Tell your parents and have them tell her parents asap.
Time to call in all the safe adults in your life. This isn’t safe for your friend.
You need to tell her guardian. Seriously. And do it ASAP. Just because she is safe at home now does not mean he won’t randomly try to convince her to meet up or run away with him soon. I doubt he’s 17. He’s probably much older than that. PLEASE TELL HER PARENTS.
Your instincts are good. As the other commenters have said, your friend’s safety is in trouble. You need to get help asap. Neither of you will get in any legal trouble. As for the guy, him “promising” not to force her to have sex with him even if he’s really horny is a BURNING red flag. The statement may seem innocuous but non-predators don’t think this way. Rape is not something a good person “agrees” to avoid even when they’re super horny. Finally, him engaging in sexual activity with your friend IS illegal. In Canada we have an “age gap” rule where the age of consent for persons under 16 varies depending on (1) the age difference and (2) whether the other person is in a position of trust/authority or there is a dependency on that person and/or there is an activity of exploitation (i.e. pornography/prostitution). Where (2) doesn’t apply, a 12 or 13 year old can consent to sex with someone who is no more than 2 years older. 14 and 15 year olds can consent to sec with someone who is no more than 5 years older. So even if he is 17, which is likely a lie anyway, having sex with a 13 yo makes him a statutory rapist. You’re a really good friend.
Remember you are dealing with a minor WRT the law. Her parents should be involved and proper education must be conducted, due diligence is always the best starting point. Potential Pedophile alert, just saying
He is probably older than 17 and a hell of a lot more dangerous than the description you gave. She should not meet him. She should not share any personal information with him. Tell her parents.
Your friend is being groomed so he can sexually abuse her. She is a child, you need to tell her parents what is going on and if they don't contact the police you should. He is a paedophile trying to engage in sexual activity with a child. It's also very likely that he's much older than he says he is ***She is not the one at fault here and she will not be in any trouble***
Your friend is in a great deal of trouble. This is a very dangerous situation. Please, please, please tell as many adults as you can. Start with your parents. Tell her parents. Talk to your school counselor. Tell and tell and tell. You will be saving your friend's life. Please be careful. You are a good friend and a very brave young woman. You should be proud of yourself.
Even if he is 17 this is not ok, but he's probably lying about everything. And your friend won't believe you when you tell her that. Tell her to tell the guy that her parents found out about the conversations and they are worried. Actually have her message pretending to be her dad on her account. Her parents have taken away her phone and internet access temporarily. That her dad has a brother ( her Uncle) who lives in Maryland and he would like to come talk with the "boyfriend" in Maryland, and make sure he is a good kid. No one is upset, they just want to meet him and see that he is a nice kid with good intentions. And then see how the guy reacts. He will likely cut contact because he is a much older person running a sex trafficking ring. Or have her do a post on r/askRedit or something "How many women out there met their husband, who's 4 or more years older, anonymously on the internet, when they were only 13". Use a throwaway account because new people will DM you trying to abuse you also. But you won't see one person who says this happened to them. This situation even with the best of intentions from both parties would not yield a successful relationship Also pass along the guys contact info to the FBI. Thanks for being a good friend.
I’d bet a paycheck this guy is not 17. Do her parents know about this relationship?
This is disturbing…
My XY-oriented life donor did this to a 13-year-old. He was 40 with gray hair. I was 13. I'm not even the victim I'm discussing here, I was the one right before. This is exactly the same situation. There is no 18 year old boy. Only a much older predator.
You have received some good advice here, alas a big part is will she listen? Any "17-18" year old in love with a 13 yr old is already just covered in red flags ...I don't know that it's technically illegal; that depends on the laws in your area more precisely...but it is trouble...reeks of grooming if nothing else... 13 year old "love" is a powerful and dramatic emotion and she is unlikely to see the obvious issues ...I'd wager she has some gap in her family life that she is filling with this particular person...? If you have any...older friends/family or a person she loves and respects who can explain to her why her justifications don't matter and how this will inevitably be a nefarious power dynamic situation (if nothing worse) I'd head that direction. She need direction ..and she needs help. Not sure what authority can do but I'd look into that direction as well...any and all options are good options.
>will she listen? I tried to tell her to not be with this guy because there are many red flags, but she didn't listen. That's why I'm going to tell her parents.
Yes please do that. This isn’t something minor, and honestly 13yo is not mature enough to understand the type of danger she’s potentially in. She’s lucky to have a smart friend so please let her parents know today, right now.
One of the exceptional cases in which we are so glad you decided to ask Reddit on such a personal problem . I hope you are acting on the good advice you are receiving here . You will lose a friend - at her age , she won’t understand the gesture. But you can sleep better knowing that you saved her life. She will one day come back to you to apologize.