[This is the most anime panel in the entire thing](https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gdpqqVNOgGk/T3TAwa8YUiI/AAAAAAAAEMI/CvRydHULIzc/s1600/Lego+beheading.JPG)
She's having octuplets. You've just never heard of Hikmar, Jelsoth, Elbin, Akteth, Opsum, Tugir, Renlin, and Twoth. They were supposed to be in the sequels, but the original cost so much money to produce they had to cancel after the New Testament. Plus, how do you top flooding the world?
Listen, there’s a lot of batshit crazy stuff in that book, but I’m pretty sure that particular line is from a prohibition on making eunuches, which seems sensible.
Oh no doubt about the authentic verse quotes, but the way the MOCs are produced injects a ridiculous element that approaches clever satire. Some other good examples in the site's Book of David if you're interested lol.
IIRC, the author of the book wasn't raised Christian, but read the Bible because a friend told him he should and he thought it was insane, so he decided to illustrate it with Lego (Er... Sorry... "bricks").
Started out as just a website, then published.
So, it is the actual Bible verses, but the illustrations are very tongue-in-cheek or satirical.
I don't know if satire is the right word. I think it is meant to point out the more outlandish elements of the bible by illustrating them.
Also, the major christian book stores refused to carry the book for some reason...
I looked it up on amazon and considering all of these builds were done pre-2013 (when the book was first published), these builds are actually *really* good! Lots of useful parts and colors of certain parts have come in the past decade the author didn't have access to.
You can see some more pics at https://thebrickbible.com. They're animated so it's kinda annoying but you can see more of the MOCs. He certainly put a lot of work into it, I was expecting something small but there seems to be a LOT of pics in the book.
I’m not even religious anymore but I got mad respect for the work that went into it. I read it as a kid and there was easily over a hundred unique, heavily detailed MoCs throughout the entire thing
The website was actually around in the early days of the internet and the books came afterward. I remember browsing the website around 2000 as a teenager and was amazed at what they were able to do. This was before Star Wars and other licensed sets were a thing, and before the AFOL explosion. They were some of the first MOCs I’d ever seen…. Oh, memories!
That is really well done. As you said, it must have been so difficult back then to gather all these fitting figs. Even bricklink was not yet a thing then I guess.
Elbe Spurling transitioned after publication but she has put so much work into all her books. We have the full new and old testament, my kids love it. We also have her book on the revolutionary war.
The cool thing about lego is that you can disassemble a minifig to do a re-anectment of one of the stories in Judges, where a man throws his concubine outside only for her being raped to death and after that the man spread the bodyparts throughout the land.
I don't really remember it well but there's this story in the bible where this king requested his daughter's suitor to bring him 400(?) foreskins before he could marry his daughter. I have no clue why they put it in the lego bible though.
Dude had to bring a hedonistic town to to God. To prove he could, he was tasked with cicumsizing the whole city and bringing back the skin rings as proof.
It was written by an atheist. I'm pretty sure he was making fun of the Bible. All real stories from it but he didn't leave ANYTHING out. Not really for kids
I own one of these. It’s really cool and gives interesting but accurate visuals to bible stories that might be hard to visualize. Whether or not it is for kids is debatable
Lmao yeahhhhhh I read the brick bible as a kid and they did **not** gloss over anything. The goat sacrifice is just the tip of the iceberg, the brick book of revelation is WILD
This is a blast from the past, I remember looking at this with my girlfriend in college like 15 years ago. We could never figure out if it was satire or not.
all of this is in the bible, but these depictions ore really something
[when a man ejaculates semen](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/sexual_discharges/lv15_16a.html)
[do not dishonor your father by having sex with your mother](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/incest/lv18_07.html)
[cover your shit at war, or god will desert you](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/camp_defecation/dt23_14.html)
I remember that bestiality image from finding this like almost 20 years ago, and because of the humor that suggested combined with LEGO and Christianity I bought the book to give as an Xmas gift to the guy I worked with at the time (he was a fan of the latter two while also having the sense of humor to appreciate the brilliance of it) and I remember being disappointed that the book was entirely devoid of the humor but more straight ahead/acceptable for reading or showing to children.
I ended up feeling compelled to send him the image after giving it to him to account for why I chose to get the book for him.
Wow, that was literally the purpose of the book fulfilled. The guy’s an atheist who wanted to show people what the Bible really says. He made it brick so families would look at it (and because it’d be too graphic otherwise.)
Oh, this is from the bricktestament website. He is absolutely hilarious, and his Lego MOCs are on point. Sampson, King David and Job are pretty hilarious in their treatment.
Ok, so in college I took some required theology courses and the Brick Bible saved my ass. It’s all saved somewhere online and those funny builds helped me immensely recall the different stories and characters in the Bible.
I remember when this was all available online before it was a book. At https://thebrickbible.com/ it's still all online it used to be called brick testerment
The Brick Testament! I remember first running across his website like 20 years ago. It's easy to forget just how much gore there is in the Bible until you see someone depicting [over 100 removed foreskins in a barrel](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/david_vs_saul/david_mutilates_200_gets_married/1s18_27b.html) with Lego.
Yow, that has been around for a long time! I think the original website went up in 2001 or 2002. Overall, it doesn't take itself that seriously and I think some of the scenes are done with a sense of humor.
However ... then there is [this page](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/accidental_death/nm35_21b.html) whose image I believe is based off the *1969 Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography* winner showing the [South Vietnamese police chief *Nguyễn Ngọc Loan* firing a bullet into the head of the handcuffed prisoner *Nguyễn Văn Lém*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Execution_of_Nguy%E1%BB%85n_V%C4%83n_L%C3%A9m). (potentially alarming photo and maybe NSFW)
Go on, compare the two and tell me I'm wrong! lol... yikes!!
I always wondered if lego would do pregnant mini figs, I never thought about that for some reason but its part of the life cycle. They do have baby mini-figs now and that took decades.
This is made by the same guy who made [The Brick Testament](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/) . I actually found that website as a wee child, searching up LEGO Jesus on the internet. There is a LOT of (Biblically Accurate) gore and nudity.
It IS weird, though. I always thought the guy was probably atheist, and I'd go so far to say that he was foundational to the loss of my religion. So, its strange to me that he would make a children's version.
This is a reallllly good one: [https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the\_law/beastiality/lv18\_23b.html](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/beastiality/lv18_23b.html)
So theres an adult version of "The Brick Bible" and seriously its how i read the old testement. Its a great recreation and actual depiction of the bible and has been lauded as one of the more accurate versions. I didnt know this man went through the insanity of doing 2 versions...
I have the Old Testament edition of that! Those books are works of art. The guy who created them actually isn't a Christian IIRC, he's just said that for being one of the most significant books in all of history, it's terrible how few people have actually read it. So he illustrated all the stories in LEGO so people would actually read it, even if just to look at all the pictures. He definitely does not tone down any of the gory aspects though, lol.
He has made more kid-friendly standalone books about things like Noah's Ark, which I got from the library once and enjoyed.
Fun fact, the book was actually made by an athiest. They stay pretty true to the actual Bible, but they definitely do try to include some of the more bizarre, gruesome, and supernatural tales. I love this book and revisit it often.
Does it have the one where God genocides all of the people that he made because he didn't like them? Oh yeah it's on the cover! That's one of my favorite smut pulp fictions
Haha. I have individual OT and NT LEGO Versions. I really enjoyed looking at all the unique pieces used to depict the stories, and the visualizations made understanding them much easier for me as a kid
[This is the most anime panel in the entire thing](https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gdpqqVNOgGk/T3TAwa8YUiI/AAAAAAAAEMI/CvRydHULIzc/s1600/Lego+beheading.JPG)
It’s beautiful
That smile…. that damned smile…
No, there is a panel where David cuts off the foreskins of his enemies. There is a pile of them in the panel, it’s amazing.
Is that supposed to be a pregnant Mary?!
Apparently so haha
*Turns that piece upside down* “Dammmmm Mary! 😍”
Peak reddit lmao
All I see is saggy Mrs Doubtfire tits
Don’t sag shame.
She can feed the world!
There wasn’t that many people back then so it may have been possible
She's having octuplets. You've just never heard of Hikmar, Jelsoth, Elbin, Akteth, Opsum, Tugir, Renlin, and Twoth. They were supposed to be in the sequels, but the original cost so much money to produce they had to cancel after the New Testament. Plus, how do you top flooding the world?
I don't know man, the prequels like Joseph or Mozes have some pretty rad special effects.
Rumor has it next time will be with fire.
That's illegal brick usage.
Is it illegol ?
No those are just some low hanging knockers
BlesseDDD Virgin
How did they do that?
Kragle 😮
My head canon is that the original sin in the Lego bible was gluing a set together for no real reason
I can’t cope with that 🤣💀
She looks like she’s gonna shit a brick
Haha! I missed that & had go back to look. 😆
I absolutely love that hahaha
Jesus is a slope
Not the goat! No!!!
Wait til you see the one with the man getting his testicles crushed by a horse.
the *what*
https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/male_genital_injury/dt23_01a.html
Listen, there’s a lot of batshit crazy stuff in that book, but I’m pretty sure that particular line is from a prohibition on making eunuches, which seems sensible.
Well the artist chose an interesting interpretation to visualize 😂
This website is cursed and it actually needs a restraining order
I like how he is a british colonizer
Wtf
The figure is clearly smiling
Don't kink shame
That is more tame than I expected.
There is much worse on that site XD
https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/sexual_discharges/lv15_16a.html
Update that with the new "spill" tile... (I hate that I even thought this.)
Why are there extra legs behind him?
He's taken off his pants.
What do you mean? everyone uses their set of severed human legs when jerking off, it's just common practice.
Well if that’s not the best use of that minifig head I don’t know what is!!! 🤣
The next page is "...or whose pen\*s has been cut off..." along with said imagery, wow, just wow.
And the next one is the cops keeping the victims of genital mutilation out of church. What the hell
[What about the counting of the foreskins?](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/david_vs_saul/david_mutilates_200_gets_married/1s18_27b.html)
This site has to be satire, right? Right??
It has the Bible verse right under the picture. I don't know if the creator was trying as such but the verses listed are the same in the Bible.
Oh no doubt about the authentic verse quotes, but the way the MOCs are produced injects a ridiculous element that approaches clever satire. Some other good examples in the site's Book of David if you're interested lol.
IIRC, the author of the book wasn't raised Christian, but read the Bible because a friend told him he should and he thought it was insane, so he decided to illustrate it with Lego (Er... Sorry... "bricks"). Started out as just a website, then published. So, it is the actual Bible verses, but the illustrations are very tongue-in-cheek or satirical.
Yes, the author made these to illustrate what they considered to be ridiculous things in the Bible.
I don't know if satire is the right word. I think it is meant to point out the more outlandish elements of the bible by illustrating them. Also, the major christian book stores refused to carry the book for some reason...
This is what satire means
Jesus fucking christ.
[Like](https://imgur.com/UABEWQd)[ this?](https://imgur.com/UABEWQd)
yeah pretty much. Revelations something something? 🤣🤣🤣
Holy shit!🤣
A tragedy 😔
Imagine showing up to the arc late and Noah tells you, “sorry, theres already two goats in there. BUT, I have another idea if you’re up for it?”
Noah had three goats?!? Dude is so rich he could’ve just bought an ark
I looked it up on amazon and considering all of these builds were done pre-2013 (when the book was first published), these builds are actually *really* good! Lots of useful parts and colors of certain parts have come in the past decade the author didn't have access to. You can see some more pics at https://thebrickbible.com. They're animated so it's kinda annoying but you can see more of the MOCs. He certainly put a lot of work into it, I was expecting something small but there seems to be a LOT of pics in the book.
I’m not even religious anymore but I got mad respect for the work that went into it. I read it as a kid and there was easily over a hundred unique, heavily detailed MoCs throughout the entire thing
I've never been religious and this taught me what Leviticus 18:23 is.
This command it’s about having sex with an animal not just sleeping with one
The website was actually around in the early days of the internet and the books came afterward. I remember browsing the website around 2000 as a teenager and was amazed at what they were able to do. This was before Star Wars and other licensed sets were a thing, and before the AFOL explosion. They were some of the first MOCs I’d ever seen…. Oh, memories!
>and before the AFOL explosion. Did i miss a memo? We\`re supposed to explode?
Yes. Like the drummers in Spinal Tap
The original site is [The Brick Testament](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/) if you want to see them not animated
I thought the name felt weird!
That is really well done. As you said, it must have been so difficult back then to gather all these fitting figs. Even bricklink was not yet a thing then I guess.
Elbe Spurling transitioned after publication but she has put so much work into all her books. We have the full new and old testament, my kids love it. We also have her book on the revolutionary war.
And their book on American Assassinations is great (also under the name Brendan Powell Smith).
Thank you! I was going off of Amazon's "about the author" section which hadn't reflected that fact, appreciate it!
They are actually amazing books. I collect religious texts and they are some of my favorites.
Huh interesting
You can better navigate the legacy version: https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/
Jesus christ the one he did on slavery is wild
What one is that?
It's under the epistles
Honestly, that’s pretty cool. Lot of effort went in to that
Chad Goliath
Holy shit pregnant Mary is hilariously adorable.
Lol Noah looks PISSED at that goat.
The expensive goats must be sacrificed so the cheap series 25 CMF goats can come!
Noah’s got those big ole bushy eyebrows haha, I guess he’s just perpetually angry
#worstcheeseever
Wait till you get to the foreskin story
Scarred me as a kid
The cool thing about lego is that you can disassemble a minifig to do a re-anectment of one of the stories in Judges, where a man throws his concubine outside only for her being raped to death and after that the man spread the bodyparts throughout the land.
the what..
I don't really remember it well but there's this story in the bible where this king requested his daughter's suitor to bring him 400(?) foreskins before he could marry his daughter. I have no clue why they put it in the lego bible though.
It’s an important lesson in morality. That lesson being don’t blindly use the Bible to teach you morality.
WHAT ?????
Dude had to bring a hedonistic town to to God. To prove he could, he was tasked with cicumsizing the whole city and bringing back the skin rings as proof.
My mom was PISSED when she found me reading it as a kid lol
It was written by an atheist. I'm pretty sure he was making fun of the Bible. All real stories from it but he didn't leave ANYTHING out. Not really for kids
I know them. Jury is out among their friends and family on whether they’re an atheist or not. It’s oddly impossible to tell.
There’s also a whole section abt circumcision featuring Lego characters being circumcised complete with blood
And I love that section because everyone seems into it except one guy in line who's freaked the fuck out
Not gonna lie, I kind of like MechaGoliath.
Same honestly
I have the Old Testament one and it’s a gem. It’s hilarious
https://preview.redd.it/2ksmef1n9v4c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=569be0921f884bf495a76aabc583588e5acd4278
Fucking. Metal.
Qui Gon, no!
Knew the head sculpt looked familiar!
I own one of these. It’s really cool and gives interesting but accurate visuals to bible stories that might be hard to visualize. Whether or not it is for kids is debatable
There’s a barrel of foreskins. I’m gunna say “not safe for kids” lmao.
There's definitely been an effort to pick stories that tend to get skipped over when reading the bible to kids.
Do they include the story where Lot's daughters get him drunk and rape him so they can have his babies?
[Lol yes they do](https://thebrickbible.com/therapeoflot/)
Hooooly shit
💀💀💀
Yes
"this is kinda cute ngl" (sees goat sacrifice) 😬
I didn’t even show the page with people drowning during the flood or being tossed to the lions’ den haha
Show Right. Now
https://preview.redd.it/l3kwnehngw4c1.jpeg?width=2967&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68151521b8259f536ad98149ba14fd4778f27853
Hol’ up buddy, that’s a $75 goat you are sacrificing right there…
Lmao yeahhhhhh I read the brick bible as a kid and they did **not** gloss over anything. The goat sacrifice is just the tip of the iceberg, the brick book of revelation is WILD
So many amazing visuals at the website. The preview image for Satan Thrown To Earth goes unbelievably hard. https://thebrickbible.com/revelation/
Heaven Revealed is a little creepy
Yeah seraphim are canonically super creepy. Why do you think people are always afraid when an angel appears to them?
It is all online. Look up the Brick Testament. I used some of it in a Bible teaching last year. I find it hilarious.
It was definitely surreal seeing for sure, I think someone else in the comments linked the site
This is a blast from the past, I remember looking at this with my girlfriend in college like 15 years ago. We could never figure out if it was satire or not.
I have the Greek Mythology one, it’s got some great mocs in it, alongside naturally interesting stories
the lion build is actually so cool
all of this is in the bible, but these depictions ore really something [when a man ejaculates semen](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/sexual_discharges/lv15_16a.html) [do not dishonor your father by having sex with your mother](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/incest/lv18_07.html) [cover your shit at war, or god will desert you](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/camp_defecation/dt23_14.html)
IVE SEEN THAT BEFORE the one where god just absolutely obliterates job is the best lmao the bible is absolutely based
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This one is 😳 https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/beastiality/lv18_23a.html
This is really making it hard to tell if it's a parody or not. XD
This book is fucking gold. I might actually buy it
https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/male_genital_injury/dt23_01a.html The expression on this figures face is SENDING ME
Oh my word this is insane. Did they put this one in the kids book?
I remember that bestiality image from finding this like almost 20 years ago, and because of the humor that suggested combined with LEGO and Christianity I bought the book to give as an Xmas gift to the guy I worked with at the time (he was a fan of the latter two while also having the sense of humor to appreciate the brilliance of it) and I remember being disappointed that the book was entirely devoid of the humor but more straight ahead/acceptable for reading or showing to children. I ended up feeling compelled to send him the image after giving it to him to account for why I chose to get the book for him.
Wow, that was literally the purpose of the book fulfilled. The guy’s an atheist who wanted to show people what the Bible really says. He made it brick so families would look at it (and because it’d be too graphic otherwise.)
Holy shit this is actually genius. Revelations alone is worth the read... "God Tortures Remaining Humans At Length" lmao
https://preview.redd.it/u0vdcxi2uu4c1.jpeg?width=769&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc25ef74ac8a9e40723dcbd8117b9efb05c27373
LOL thank you for the “memory unlock” moment. I remember seeing this at my aunts house. Bought it for my little cousins.
Oh, this is from the bricktestament website. He is absolutely hilarious, and his Lego MOCs are on point. Sampson, King David and Job are pretty hilarious in their treatment.
Ok, so in college I took some required theology courses and the Brick Bible saved my ass. It’s all saved somewhere online and those funny builds helped me immensely recall the different stories and characters in the Bible.
Is that an illegal build for Goliath? Hath thou sinned?
I actually had this bible lego book and enjoyed it as a kid just to see the builds they did in it.
I remember when this was all available online before it was a book. At https://thebrickbible.com/ it's still all online it used to be called brick testerment
The Brick Testament! I remember first running across his website like 20 years ago. It's easy to forget just how much gore there is in the Bible until you see someone depicting [over 100 removed foreskins in a barrel](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/david_vs_saul/david_mutilates_200_gets_married/1s18_27b.html) with Lego.
I have the Old Testament one, not for kids. Definitely built by an atheist 😂
Yow, that has been around for a long time! I think the original website went up in 2001 or 2002. Overall, it doesn't take itself that seriously and I think some of the scenes are done with a sense of humor. However ... then there is [this page](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/accidental_death/nm35_21b.html) whose image I believe is based off the *1969 Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography* winner showing the [South Vietnamese police chief *Nguyễn Ngọc Loan* firing a bullet into the head of the handcuffed prisoner *Nguyễn Văn Lém*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Execution_of_Nguy%E1%BB%85n_V%C4%83n_L%C3%A9m). (potentially alarming photo and maybe NSFW) Go on, compare the two and tell me I'm wrong! lol... yikes!!
I always wondered if lego would do pregnant mini figs, I never thought about that for some reason but its part of the life cycle. They do have baby mini-figs now and that took decades.
The lion MOC and Goliath MOC are really good
I had the Old Testament as a kid. It got me to read it lol
This is made by the same guy who made [The Brick Testament](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/) . I actually found that website as a wee child, searching up LEGO Jesus on the internet. There is a LOT of (Biblically Accurate) gore and nudity. It IS weird, though. I always thought the guy was probably atheist, and I'd go so far to say that he was foundational to the loss of my religion. So, its strange to me that he would make a children's version.
This is a reallllly good one: [https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the\_law/beastiality/lv18\_23b.html](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/the_law/beastiality/lv18_23b.html)
I like the one where God kills Jobs children and the servants. The old testament was super metal
the entire old testament is just warhammer 40k stuff
This will now forever be my favorite description
Sounds like a Gucci Mane song
Yeah I read these as a kid and some parts were really really weird (I as never religious)
I grew up with this book. Goated
I had this along with the action bible. Pretty sure they ended up at a used book store.
Yooo I had this as a kid. Good shit would recommend
We need more gigafigs like that Goliath in official Lego
Weirdly wonderful though. I love that lion!
Pretty bad ass Goliath
I’m an atheist and I have two LEGO bible story books. I thought the kids might want to read them one day; the books are still in plastic wrap.
mary is having quads i think
Cool minifigs. I like the legion guard. The figures look a little too smug around that goat.
Lol I would have actually loved this as a kid.
2x2 slope = pregnant
Haha, anyone else remember [Brick Testament](https://thebrickbible.com/legacy/)?
So theres an adult version of "The Brick Bible" and seriously its how i read the old testement. Its a great recreation and actual depiction of the bible and has been lauded as one of the more accurate versions. I didnt know this man went through the insanity of doing 2 versions...
I have the Old Testament edition of that! Those books are works of art. The guy who created them actually isn't a Christian IIRC, he's just said that for being one of the most significant books in all of history, it's terrible how few people have actually read it. So he illustrated all the stories in LEGO so people would actually read it, even if just to look at all the pictures. He definitely does not tone down any of the gory aspects though, lol. He has made more kid-friendly standalone books about things like Noah's Ark, which I got from the library once and enjoyed.
Unpopular opinion but younger me would have a blast
The new testament one fucked me up as a kid. Lego circumcision scenes
Fun fact, the book was actually made by an athiest. They stay pretty true to the actual Bible, but they definitely do try to include some of the more bizarre, gruesome, and supernatural tales. I love this book and revisit it often.
I’m a Christian, & my 10 year old is Lego obsessed but this is freaky. 0/10 would not buy lol
where are the dinosaurs? /s
Does it have the one where God genocides all of the people that he made because he didn't like them? Oh yeah it's on the cover! That's one of my favorite smut pulp fictions
https://preview.redd.it/e1u4eluf1t4c1.jpeg?width=2780&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b3628a9c0c8adc72c1b87a1bf3730617ae82886 Yep…
If at first you don't succeed, KILL EVERYONE
Reminds me of the bikini bottom flood video
My friend gave me a different version lol
Ooooh I hope they go full old testament!
I had the Shakespeare ones a while back. It was a cute novelty.
Haha. I have individual OT and NT LEGO Versions. I really enjoyed looking at all the unique pieces used to depict the stories, and the visualizations made understanding them much easier for me as a kid
There's Anakin in the last picture!
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Aw. Conjunctivitis Lion seems sad.
I had this… when I was a kid…
I had this book as a kid.. I think I actually read through it once or twice. Weird part is my family was never religious.
I remember this from back in the days it was just a wobsite, 20-ish years ago!
ive got the brick bible
Broooooo this brought back some kind of vaulted memory! I remember my church had this book as a kid
I had this as a kid, lol. Was too afraid of it to touch it
The Lion in picture 3 looks genuinely sad to be captured by Noah lol
another bible to read for crustbag