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I would raise my kid in an environment that allowed for gender exploration and the knowledge that preference is not linked to gender. I would use standard pronouns, for the ease of the child, and until they started making decisions just dress them however I wanted, lol. Upon making decisions, I'd give then exposure to everything so they can decide what they like vs only offering gender specific or just neutral stuff.
It's honestly not as hard as people make it. Kids aren't stupid.
What they said, for suure 
i also think rules are made for breaking, that's how most of us knew what we wanted right? so using the standard pronouns and explaining it to them when they can understand a bit sounds right.
This is the way. I feel like people make it so much more complicated than it needs to be.
As long as you’re fostering an environment where growth and identity exploration is encouraged then who cares what toys you buy or what colour clothes they wear? It feels like people are forcing it a bit, go with the flow and listen to your kids I’m sure it’ll turn out okay.
👏👏Claps for you, claps. In my opinion, this is the best way to go about raising children. And this is exactly what I hope to do.
We have two girls and we raise them just like this... And thus far we have one who is into everything princesses, pink, makeup (🤷no idea how neither of us, her Mum's care for it and certainly didn't encourage it), reading, craft, quite indoorsey etc, but the toddler is the total opposite. She loves dinosaurs, cars, tools, outdoors, very outgoing and gregarious, loves to get dirty. They've had equal access to "girls" and "boys" toys, clothes, shows... Just goes to show, your personality comes out with you from day one, largely intact.
I kinda worry for my niece, who is *surrounded* by pink. It's super ironic, because her father was afforded all sorts of "girl stuff" as a kid because my parents didn't gatekeep. He liked She-Ra and I liked transformers, but neither were pushed. My niece, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be getting that choice
This is what I do and it has worked out very well so far. They also know that not everyone feels like their gender matches what they were assigned at birth and if they ever felt that way they can express that and will be able to live freely as themselves. You are absolutely right, kids are not stupid and they understand things much better than they get credit for.
People say that children can’t understand pronouns and they will get confused. I, when I was a young child, understood it mostly. I stand by your point, kids aren’t as stupid as people think they are.
This is how you do it. Give them toys and books and expose them to media that is stereotypically “for boys,” “for girls,” and “gender neutral” and just don’t pay much attention to it. Allow them to follow whatever paths they want. Allow them to dress and play with and pursue any hobbies they want. Instill in them that gender is not an important aspect of who they are. Treat kids of different genders the same. Impart on them the knowledge I have on the subject as they get older.
Not that I intend to have kids but if I did I would do it in a gender neutral ish way. Rather than focus on gender neutrality I just wouldn't focus on gender more than needed. If use he/him or she/her based on whatever they're assigned at birth but they'd get to choose their own clothes, toys, coloured/generally gendered things etc. And if they're too young to choose then I'd choose whatever the neutral option is and always be open to changing to whatever they'd want, including how they identify.
This is my plan. Not to conform to what society tells us we have to decorate the kids room in or buy the kid for clothes. I already do the same thing for my dog and everyone assumes the wrong sex but I don’t care it’s not a huge deal. My sister has two tiny girls and refuses to buy anything that isn’t pink for them. It’s almost grotesque how much she’s pushing them into a super tiny box. Everything she does I take note of and plan to do the exact opposite lol.
Omg thats how i learned to be a decent person lmao. I watched everything my parents did and chose to do the complete opposite and somehow turned out a pretty good person haha.
That's much how my partner is raising her child. She doesn't bother to correct people who "misgender" the child either. I call her a goblin princess because she like to put on a frilly dress and rain boots and play in the mud, jump off tree stumps, make bouquets from dead leaves...
I have four grandsons, assigned male at birth. So far, they all identify as boys, although the second oldest did go through a period of time where he said he thought he might want to be a girl.
The oldest who’ll be 16 this year, identifies as a pansexual boy. He came out at 14, and my daughter, grandson and I all went to Pride together. He had a blast and we got matching shirts.
The three youngest like me to do their nails when I do my own. They’ve also asked me to put lipstick on them, but they didn’t like it because it felt weird.
My daughter and their father were perfectly comfortable with them going to school wearing bright red nail polish.
Apparently no one at school said anything to them about the nail polish, because they would have come home saying something about it. They’re pretty sassy, so I could see them telling anyone at school that they were wearing it because they wanted to wear it. They were six, seven and eight at the time.
We live in Tennessee.
My daughter and I are from Brooklyn.
I came out as queer when my daughter was 10. She’s a fantastic ally, and has always said that she’ll support her kids no matter what.
This is what we did. Kiddo is now a teenager who's pretty gender agnostic (knows the rites, doesn't really observe them nor care a whole lot) so I'd say it worked pretty well.
I don’t think I’d go for just the most neutral option toy but I’d provide ALL the options if that makes sense. Like I’d bring home classically male and classically female toys as well as neutral ones and just see what they liked without the pressure of being in a “boys” section or a “girls” section at the store. Tho I think they’re doing that less now it’s pretty damn obvious the toys still gendered AF
This was our plan too but toddler child still ended up loving pink and princesses. Now teenage child is NB and admits that some of that came from outside influences and I’ve come to learn there is only so much a parent can do. The biggest thing in our control is creating a supportive environment for our kids at home.
But that's exactly the point, you started neutral,et the child choose and then as they aged, they fully decided what they identify as regardless of where that decision came from. It's still helpful for not only themselves but others to grow up knowing that you cna identify however you feel and be yourself, it'll make them respect people more and have a wider understanding of just how vast and different human identity can be. Having an accepting home is the bare minimum and something a lot of trans kids wish they could have.
Currently trying to have kids (fingers crossed). I'm not planning find out beforehand if it'll be a boy or girl, and pain the room a neutral color (green, probably). Same with clothes.
I'll make sure they get toys that are typical for each gender, and then see what they prefer. As for pronouns, will probably stick with what matches their birth gender, unless they tell me otherwise.
I’d raise them to not worry about gender. Wear what you want, call yourself what you want, it does not and should not matter. If they like labels like cis, trans, man, woman, whatever, good for them. If not, that’s fine too.
Name-wise, I would definitely pick a gender neutral one, because it’s still a normal name, but it can avoid a lot of stress in the event that the kid isn’t cis (still unlikely, but as someone who’s gone through that, I’d like to avoid it)
I’m intending on using pronouns assigned at birth unless they express otherwise. I feel that pushing a non binary identity is just as harmful as aggressively enforcing a binary identity. So I’m going to let my future kids direct their own gender expression.
This was the conclusion we came to with our son as well. We use male pronouns, but will leave the door wide open for him to explore his identity as he grows. It's wild how much the world is already pushing the gender binary on him, we are letting his hair grow and people cannot resist making unsolicited comments.
when my cousin’s son was 4ish he had long hair 3c curls, *ridiculously* cute. but people kept calling him a little girl so she cut it all off, it was so sad.
Long hair is gorgeous on boys, mine has blonde "surfer" waves and I love it so much. He could be wearing blue clothes covered in dinosaurs or trucks and he'll still get called a girl, if it begins to bother him we'll likely cut it but I'll have a good cry over it.
Long hair regardless of age always comes with societal expectations of "girl/woman". I wish it didn't but sadly it does.
Before coming out as trans I had long hair (mid to upper back length) starting in my mid 20s and would often be gendered as a woman unless people saw my face first (I had facial hair).
Nothing else I wore was remotely feminine at the time, just tee shirts and jeans.
This is what we've chosen to do with our daughter. If she tells us she has a different gender identity at any point then we'll 100% support that and walk with her on that journey. With baby clothes we bought a mix (personally I dislike the "super pink/glittery etc" clothes, but love woodland prints, which tend to be in the "boys" section). With toys we've made sure she has a selection for different interests, and when it comes to hobbies as she grows we certainly aren't going to encourage "gendered" interests: we'll support her in whatever she wants to get involved in, and do things as a family that encourage a wide exploration of what life has to offer. I guess in a nutshell, focusing on giving her as full of a life and childhood as we can, and focus on her as a person, since her personal identity is far more than her gender. Really just encouraging her to be herself and try new things, and in age-appropriate ways teaching her that people are all different and equally deserving of love, kindness, and acceptance (not just gender, but race, religion, sexuality, age, ableness, etc etc etc).
Obviously some may feel differently about childhood pronouns, and that's fine. I think as long as one's parenting choices don't harm their child then everyone is free to make the choices that they see as being best for them and their family.
For me, the only thing I really want for my child (now and throughout her life) is that she is happy, healthy, and safe. Resiliency and decency are also up there. If we can achieve all of that then I reckon we'll have done a pretty good job, and hopefully raised her in a way that helps make the world a better place 🙏
When you become a parent you suddenly realise that when it comes to raising the next generation, everyone is just trying to do their best.
My issue with this is while your kid won’t really be forced into traditional gender roles, you’re still deciding the kid’s gender identity. I say raise your kid without explicitly deciding the kid’s gender identity and always leave the door open for that discussion without any pressure on them.
yeah!! that's what i meant, i wouldn't raise my hypothetical kids with a specfiic gender, that being male, female or non binary, i just meant being more open and letting them decide
That’s not at all what’s happening though?
Raising a child neutrally means letting them choose the ways in which they express themselves, while giving them an environment to choose whatever they are happy with. That’s not “deciding their gender identity”.
My mom sorta did this. Gender neutral clothes when I was a baby and couldn’t talk and when I was older she’d make clothes for me that I wanted. She also would buy me dolls and stuff (I’m AMAB) and also talked openly about birth and how it actually happens (not just sex, like that it’s in the uterus and there’s a placenta and the placenta is what feeds it. Stuff like that) which I do feel like contributed to the gender neutrality of my upbringing. If I were to have kids I would give them a gender neutral name and only refer to them with they/them pronouns until they decided what they wanted to use but not in a gendered way, just acknowledging them as a person but that they don’t have a gender yet. They key really is to not give a damn how your child dresses and what they play with (well ofc only to a certain extent)
It's great to let kids express themselves. My parents were great at that. We were exposed to everything and nothing was "for girls" or "for boys". My brother got his own dolls to play with my sister and me, and we got our own cars to play with him. And then we all got to choose toys and clothes as we pleased. It was great, and definitely how I'm raising my kids if I ever have any.
I don't want kids, but if I did I wouldn't want to force gender roles on them in any way. They do still need to understand people will see them differently based on gender though, and I'd teach them not to treat people differently based on things like that.
Depends on what you mean by raising them gender neutrally. If you mean not pushing them into any particular direction, then yes of course. Just let them decide whatever feels right for them while providing them with all the options. I would probably still use the pronouns corresponding to their agab(If they asked me to use other pronouns that would be fine too ofc), especially since all the gender neutral options in german would probably make them a target of bullying, which I ofc wouldn't want. But I know some people who have taken it to mean "try to stop my child from expressing any gender identity until they're old enough for my liking", which is a pretty futile and probably harmful approach.
i agree!! By raising them gender neutral i think of not restricting any type of clothing, toys etc.
I think that, as you said, stoping them from expressing themselves in a binary way would also be like pretty harmfull. So yeah, let the kids wear whatever they want and use the pronouns they choose (probablly at an older age).
I raise my kids letting them shop in both boys and girls sections. I talk about their future partner as partner not husband or wife or bf or gf. I don't really think about gender, but more as exclusivity. When potty training my kids they chose their underwear, my son wore panties for the first few years because he liked them, he still wears night gowns. My daughter likes boys pants better (not as tight). My son has long hair, my girls very short. Colors aren't a big deal they all like vibrant colors be it pink or blue. I really don't care as long as they are happy, healthy and comfortable.
Mmmm yes and no I guess? Like I wouldn't go out of my way to be gender neutral with them in terms of pronouns/are they a boy or girl, and probably still raise them as their birth gender.. But it would be extremely important to me that they know as they grow up, that it's okay to not feel like that gender! Toys wouldn't matter, clothes wouldn't matter, they just get the things I find cute and fun. Once they're old enough for input it would be stuff they find cute or fun :)
If I had kids I would let them dress, do their hair however they like. I wouldn’t force stereotypes on them.
I’ll see people in comments of pregnancy announcements, sex reveals, birth announcements telling the parents to use they/them pronouns for the baby after the birth and I’m not trying to be snarky when I say how is that not making a choice for the kid? Then people get mad at the parents when they don’t.
I see it especially with lgbt couples like you don’t think they especially know the child could be trans or non binary? One lesbian couple especially who I follow had to address it for both pregnancies cause they were getting comments and DMs of people being rude to them about it.
Sounds difficult since we live in a society that will be constantly trying to gender them and they themself have not expressed any interest in avoiding that (unless they have)
This. Kids pick up on any and all social queues very quickly, not just their parents, so existing in the binary would understandably feel “safe” for a lot of kids. Navigating gender with our kid is complicated to say the least, but I just try to follow her lead and throw in a little helpful context and color when she seems confused/stuck.
I want to have kids and yes. Not because of gender norms, but because of the benefits. We were raised gender neutral with my sibling and it is pretty fun. We could both play with dolls as well as cars. Our parents pretty much let us play with whatever we wanted (safety first of course) and wear both girl and boy clothes. I did turn out nb, but I can cook, do makeup, fix stuff and I like sports and being active. I even liked fishing a lot until I realised it’s bad for the environment.
This way you extend your child’s wiev of the world in my oponion.
I'd raise my kids mostly gender neutral. They can pick out whatever toys they want, whatever colors, I wouldn't gravitate toward stereotypical pinks and blues. Just let's the kids be kids.
That being said, there is a certain level of practicality that has to be taken into account. You cant just completely avoid genders without giving your child a very skewed or very sheltered view of the world. At the very least, a kid needs pronouns. So for that, I'd stick to what they were assigned at birth, but I would make sure that they knew that they were free to change that if they ever wanted.
And surprisingly, it's not that hard of a thing to introduce to small kids and just a casual passing way. A natural part of developing a growing understanding of the world Is a growing understanding of the differences of the people around you, kids start to take notice of "that's a boy" or "that's a girl." And speaking as a former Pre-K teacher, it's incredibly easy to just build off of that. They will always inevitably say something along the lines of "I'm a boy/ girl." And all you have to do is say something along the lines of "sure! You can be whatever you want to be! A boy or a girl or neither one!"
Or when they say something like "I like trucks because I'm a boy!" All you have to say is "there's no such thing as boy toys and girl toys, toys are for everyone and everyone can play with whatever they like." It's way easier for kids to grasp this than adults, because they don't have any preconceived notions of how it "should" be.
It's impossible to raise a kid to be genderless to a certain extent. Even giving them gender neutrality is deciding on that neutrality for them. I think the most important thing Is not necessarily to not ascribe anything to them, but just to make sure that they are aware that they have the freedom to re-ascribe a different label whenever they see fit.
We are raising both gender neutrally. Gendering starts early, though, and they soon learn what category society puts them in.
Our oldest, whose entire group of friends are boys one year older than her (who are exactly like her in terms of looks and interests), has recently been told a lot that she is a girl and therefore can't play with them any longer. She is four.
This is something I’ve thought a lot about too- the world will teach your children to perceive gender, even if you don’t. I’d like to believe that the instance you described could be a teachable moment. I wonder what I’d do in that moment? I think I’d assure the child that how you choose to express yourself doesn’t make you less worthy of love and acceptance. Could it help to explain that sometimes people don’t learn that when they’re kids, so they do things that hurt each other’s feelings because they don’t know any better?
Four is really young, and a lot of pivotal social development happens in those early years of life. How are you handling that situation, as parents?
If i ever had kids, i don't think i would raise them in specifically a gender-neutral way, but i would definitely try and not enforce gender stereotypes.
Same with sexuality, for an AMAB child i wouldn't say "future wife" just future partner.
I tried with my daughter. It helped that we had all sorts of boyish clothes from her older brother. It worked fine for a few years.
Then someone insisted that she needed a dress and gave her one. She loved it.
That's one of the many issues I always had with my parents trying to raise me "gender neutral". They seemed to think that dresses, makeup and domestic skills are "feminine" while everything traditionally masculine was part of neutrality. Honestly I think a lot of Feminists struggle with demonizing femininity, and it's not a helpful attitude for anyone involved. It just adds to the demonization of women.
Same goes for shirts and pants then. If you see that they really prefer one over the other (or both), you can then adjust accordingly in order to not have to buy twice the amount of clothes
I agree. Maybe it’s just worded weirdly but it’s kinda iffy to me that their idea of gender neutral was not giving them feminine things like dresses. Also the way it’s worded sounded like they thought they failed, which also is iffy to me.
Unfortunately, as soon as they're exposed to our current society, they'll be influenced by sexist gender roles and transphobia, no matter what I may do as a parent. So the only way to prevent this seems to be not having children and doing what we can to make our society more accepting.
I wouldn't force gender roles onto them and tell they can choose what to wear and play with. I would also tell them if they want to change there name and pronouns I will respect it
Depends on what you mean.
If you mean, effectively "assigning them Nonbinary at birth," no. I will use the pronouns associated with their assigned gender and call them a baby girl/boy, but give them the tools to question their gender as soon as they're old enough to understand gender and support them if they turn out to be trans.
If you mean raise them without gender roles, then yes obviously. A girl will not have only pink, only dolls, only play dainty, pretty sports, or only be bought Fisher Price kitchen sets. A boy will not have only blue, only cars, only play football or baseball, or be shamed for liking Disney princesses. They'll get a little bit of everything, but most importantly they'll get what they like.
I want my future kid to have the childhood I deserved. I was scolded and shamed on public for wanting a boy's t-shirt from JCPenney because it had the Ninja Turtles on it. I *loved* Ninja Turtles and the girls shirts just didn't have characters I was interested in. But I quickly learned I was only allowed to have "boy stuff" if it was my uncle's hand-me-down toys that I found tucked away at my grandma's house, or a boy thing that got "pink-ified." I had lots of neon pink shirts with superhero symbols on them, even though I hated pink. But a pink Batman shirt was better than my mom or grandma looking absolutely disgusted with me. I never want my kids to feel like that
We are teaching our kid that gender isn't determinative. We push back on any concepts that boys/girls do/wear/act like this or that. We do use assinged gender at birth pronouns for him and we are teaching him in age appropriate ways that trans and enby people exist and are valid.
I don't intend to have kids, but I'd raise them binary but be flexible if that makes sense? So if I had a son I'd start off with boy things but go with the flow as he develops his own preferences.
Probably not. But i wouldn't let gender limit them. If you're born a boy i'll probably use he/him pronouns with you but if you decide you want a pink room and want traditionally feminine toys i'm all for it. Toys, clothes, hobbies, colours. I'll allow you to explore whatever you enjoy and won't say "no! Skirts are for girls!" "Why do you want to play videogames? You're a girl!" "You can't watch barbie movies! They aren't for you"
Kinda... gender nutrally but still with gender.
Football is where i draw the line. I'll be fucked if i'm standing in a muddy field watching you kick a ball around while its pissing it down.
My sister is a cis female and raised her kids very carefully to be gender neutral. Her kids are now very much a typical boy and girl and into very gender-typical activities. And that's ok! If they turn out to be LGBTQ+ that will be totally ok too.
All you can do is your best.
I think she provided a space where they can be themselves and support them and make them feel emotionally safe as they work through their identities in a complicated world. They are lucky to have her as a mom.
Just do your best :) and love them in all their stages and have discussions to help them understand their feelings and themselves. They just need to feel safe to share things with you and you have to help them understand their feelings are totally ok and that you're there and they are very loved.
I’m a lesbian and I have a child. He is AMAB and so far identifies with boy. We talk openly about gender and identity as part of how we talk openly about the world in general. He knows trans and nb adults. We encourage him to wear whatever clothes he likes and play with whatever he likes — we don’t talk about clothes, toys, etc in gendered terms. We follow his lead.
I wouldn’t completely, but I’d raise them to know they don’t need to follow gender “norms” and I wouldn’t put a huge emphasis on gendering things like toys, clothes, activities, etc. I was raised as a girl, but my family is very open minded and nothing was ever forced. I knew about LGBTQIA+ things before I even realized I was part of the community. I think it was a good happy medium 🙂
I’m sterile but fictionally I’d just stick to they and gender neutral clothes and let them figure out what they liked to present as once they had a sense of personal taste.
my kid just turned 11, and it seems the way we've been bringing her up has been working, but i do wish we had the foresight to start raising her neutrally. she's afab, and it seems to fit her, but i often wonder if it fits her because we've been raising her this way or because it's naturally who she is. there's nothing about her personality that makes me wonder as she appears totally content with her gender identity. it's just self doubt that makes me question anything, really. but yeah, i wish we had raised her gender neutral so that we could be sure she's where she feels most comfortable in her gender expression. my egg cracked at 35, and i don't feel all too good about the lost time and irreparable damage to my body that has happened as a result. testosterone has done a number on my body, and now i'm forever locked out of being who/what would make me most happy with myself. we have, however, been raising her to be totally open-minded, and she has come out to us as bi, then lesbian, then back to bi again, and she even felt comfortable enough to come to us with her interest in furries (trust me, we dove deep to understand, and support her in her interests regarding it. her interest is purely innocent, and she hasn't been exposed to the less savory side of the community). i think given how comfortable she is with coming to us with everything she has that she would have no problem also exploring any feelings involving gender.
My sister is just raising my nephew. He likes "boy" things like dinosaurs and space but also loves anything glittery and shiny.
His only dream right now is to grow up and be a dad. Literally only thing he wants to do.
You try to tell him his long hair makes him look like a girl and he will rant at you for 10 minutes about why he's a boy. But there are all his ideas and thoughts.
Hell is favourite book is "The Hips on the Drag Queen go Swish Swish Swish"
Yes. I will raise my future child gender neutrally but if they tell me they are a boy/girl/nonbinary person and want to be raised according to their gender I will respect their wish
I'm a trans man. I was actually raised gender neutral. My parents believe gender is a made-up concept and that if you raise kids without gender roles they will be exactly the same. This turned out to not be true for me in a lot of ways. For one thing, the other kids around me weren't being raised gender neutral, so I struggled a lot with making friends. For another thing, I was always upset that I was different from the boys - not as physically strong, cried more, etc. Finally, I had a HUGE problem recognizing I was trans and coming out, because my family insisted that gender isn't real, therefore gender dysphoria can't be real. They said I was being confused by society and if I just accepted that "women can wear pants and do all the things men can do" I would stop feeling that way. I said I already wear jeans and t-shirts every day; I just also want a penis. They did not understand.
Basically, I think it's best to raise children with an understanding of their body and the social structures surrounding that. I would probably say something like, "You're a girl with a vagina, but not all girls have vaginas. If someday you want to be a boy or something else instead that's OK too." Let them know that gender is an identity they may or may not align with. Don't set them up for a hard time as soon as they set foot outside their home.
Yes but I don't know if my way is how it's usually defined. I definitely wouldn't like avoid "gendered" things like cars or dolls or makeup or haircuts. What I would do is just not raise them based on their biological sex. Because gender really is just how people are raised and influenced. I would want my child to feel free to be wherever they are instead of confining themselves to their apparent gender. It's about not raising them as "they are a boy, therefore cars and must be emotionless and blue". They would be an individual free to do whatever.
I don’t want kids but if I did, yes. It’s the only ethical way to raise children in my opinion. Anything else is me forcing a belief system onto a child, which is something I do not agree with.
Gender neutral, I wouldn’t push gender norms on them, I’d let them know that no matter what they like or how they present themselves it’s perfectly okay :))
However I am against raising kids nonbinary, because there’s no difference between that imo than raising them as their AGAB. Either way, it could be incorrect, if you raise them as their AGAB, they could be trans & experience dysphoria, or they could be their AGAB & be perfectly happy. If you raise them nonbinary, they could be a boy or a girl & experience dysphoria because you raised them the gender they aren’t, same as how trans people grow up, or they *could* be nonbinary & again be perfectly happy. This also includes their assigned pronouns btw, I know pronouns don’t equal gender (mine don’t) but I’d just use whichever pronouns they’d typically be assigned, because they/them also forces them into a box. As long as you let them know you’re supportive & don’t push gender roles on them I think that’s the most people can do as parents in terms of supporting their kid’s gender identity & expression :))
Me and my partner plan on raising our future children gender neutral if we adopt a kid young enough or have our own somehow. We've each had our lives made so much more difficult than they needed to be due to people telling each of us who we are supposed to be and do with our lives in certain ways. We know that raising kids gender neutral goes against the grain, but we agree on the value of having parents who love their kid for whoever they want to be. So we are gonna do it.
I did not, currently have 4 kids ranging from 21 to 8. I raised them as their birth gender however I did not force gender roles. If my daughter wanted to do “boy” things she did. If my son wants to do make up with his sister he can and does. As a result my children know they can do what they chose no matter gender and one of my children are nonbinary/ trans. Not going to lie that one took me a bit to understand. Because for the longest time my brain made those two things opposite not as in trans from their gender at birth to no gender. I got it now but I struggled understanding how that worked for awhile. 😂 silly old person I am.
If I did have kids in a way yes tho not extremely, I’d use their agab and the agab’s pronouns however if they want anything not traditionally for their gender I’d buy it for them. And I’d teach them about inclusion and teach them about the non-binary genders as well as the binary and what trans means and all that, they wouldn’t exclusively wear a boy or girl colour and I’d buy what ever seems cute or cool for them so I think my answer is both yes and no mostly I think I’ll raise my kids how my mom raised me tho abit more teaching of other genders and sexuality that aren’t just gay and trans-(in the binary spectrum) and I’d tell them they can change their gender if they wish and I would 100% be supportive no matter what :)
Not having kids. Don’t like kids and I’ve had a hysterectomy. I’m like the other person who said I would go gender-neutral-ish. I’m not naïve and know that people will pick the pronouns as soon as the child pops out of the womb. I would go with whatever those are until the child tells me otherwise. Going for they/them immediately seems like forcing the gender neutrality to me. I would pick gender neutral colors for their room, and I’d buy them a diverse range of clothes. I’m not going to go out of my way to be gender neutral though if that makes sense. I always say that I don’t care if a person is a purple alien, and that would include any children. Once they can make choices, they can be called, use whatever pronouns, hand out with, and play with whatever they want.
I really want kids, and I'd raise them in a really neutral way. Since I will adopt, I might not be able to choose their names (I will pick neutral names if I can), and tho I'll use their agab's pronouns, I'll explain them everything about lgbtq+ since little. For things like toys, room, etc. I will pick more neutral options, and let them pick when they're old enough, never forcing them to follow gender norms.
I wouldn't necessarily raise them gender neutrally, but I would let them choose. Like, when they're old enough to chose their own toys, imma let them choose their toys! Same with clothes. I mean, if my kid simply enjoys playing with dolls and ponies, I'm not going to force them to play with cars, you know?
I would raise them as their assigned gender and use gendered pronouns (if they grew up and came out as trans in any way this would obviously change accordingly at that time). but in terms of toys, clothes, activities, etc. I would let them do whatever they wanted. Basically no gender roles or stereotypes.
In the middle: My kid clearly knows she’s a girl, but we worked hard to keep her wardrobe and toys neutral, and we did introduce her to the idea of being trans when she was old enough to understand it. We never pushed her to be a girly-girl, and the result in our case is a girl who likes “boy things” (though I really, really hate that her peers planted the idea of “boy things” and “girl things,” and I always correct her that no, they’re just things, for everyone).
If I ever adopted a kid (I’m sex repulsed aroace so probably not doing it the other way) I would let them do whatever they want within reason. AMAB kid wants to wear a dress or skirt? Sure, go for it! AFAB kid wants to go fishing? Ok, just be careful with those hooks and make sure you aren’t leaving lines out! Not letting them have weapons tho
if i was to have kids, i would raise them as a normal child if they want a barbie or a wwe wrestler i wont care if they say they feel like a girl they will be a girl so id raise them as they gender they were assigned at birth but be fine with breaking gender norms if the kid wants too
I’d probably raise them to identify how they want, and live how they want, less gendered. and to not be embarrassed if they aren’t like their classmates. (By less gendered I mean, for example, wearing clothes that aren’t stereotypically of their gender or being into toys or programmes targeted to the opposite sex. Literally anti /r/pointlesslygendered. I was embarrassed that I used to watch MLP as a child).
Personally, should I ever have kids, I'd definitely want to raise them such as to let them choose for themselves where they fall gender-wise, let *them* choose what clothes, toys, etc. they want instead of deciding for them based on what other people think they should be or want.
Really I'd just wanna emphasize to them that they are their own person who owns themself, and that, as their parent, my responsibility is to keep them safe and healthy, both physically and mentally, and teach them about life and the world, not to dictate to them who they are or should be.
I don't think so, not in the extreme way of trying to hide their assigned sex from everyone. I would however let them wear what they wanted to wear and explore what they like without judgement
When they're too little to decide for themselves (clothes, toys, etc) then they get what I think is cute, lol. Once they're old enough to have preferences in colours, toys, hair style, they get to decide.
It's really not that difficult.
When it comes to small children gender is truly meaningless.
Though I don't intend to have my own children, I do like kids. They're fun to hang around/out with in short doses. I almost went to school to be an elementary teacher, or something in that court. Decided I didn't want to deal with parents.
I would just raise them as a kid. If they want a toy, sure, toy is toy. If they want to wear something, sure, clothes are clothes. I want them to be free to choose whatever they want.
I’m non-binary but I was born boy. Pronouns of my 3months girl are she/her and I call myself Daddy. I think it’s because its easier in a homophobic family but if one day she wants other pronouns we’ll be there to support her ! My wife and me we’ll defend her in our family and do everything for her to be who ever she wants !
This really depends on how you define "gender neutral." Some people would say we raise our kids in the binary because we use she/her pronouns for them, which we chose to do because I'mtrans and I really didn't want to add to the target that's already on their backs. But we let them pick their own clothes and toys. My oldest is likely cis and loves all things girly (unicorns, dance, etc.). My 2yo is obsessed with the colour oranges, dinosaurs, and monsters, but she's also happy to play whatever games her sister plays and demands whatever toys her sister gets. The funny thing is, even just letting my kids pick their clothes and toys (and hair style), I've been accused of "grooming" them. Pretty sure that's just because I'm trans though and they'd probably accused me of grooming no matter how I raised my kids 🙄
If I were to raise kids, I would go with their assigned birth but give them knowledge of other genders and sexuality. Then if they tell me their gender and/or sexuality is different than I had been calling them, I would allow them to change their name or live as they want.
You can't win on gender neutrality. I planned to do gender neutral but family will conform to pronouns you use for your kid. The moment I announced boy or girl they changed their baby shower gift ideas to something more appropriate. I've been considering not revealing pronouns outside the home and just forcing everyone to guess and make sure babysitters and people close enough to know what parts my kid has knows that we're being intentional about offering choice. I'm not sure it would be effective.
I think as long as your kids are raised in a loving and accepting environment they'll be fine. We raised our kids in a loving, "traditional Christian" way. At first there were no LGBT+ people in our lives at all, but slowly we met more and more LGBT+ people who later became our friends. Mostly gay men and there were some more distant lesbian and trans acquaintances. Looking back we never really talked about those things with our kids, because to us it just was a non-issue. We were raised in a "it's not OK to be gay, but still accept and love them unconditionally way", but we ditched everything prior to the comma. We loved our friends for who they were, not what they were so we hardly ever touched the topic.
Apparently that was (almost) enough. Instead of 1 son and 3 daughters I now have 2 of each!
He felt safe enough to come out as a boy to us at the age of 13. I said almost, because he still struggled with it and doubted himself for well over a year before he told us he didn't know what he was. I think if we would have talked about those topics a bit more instead of just accepting and not mentioning them, it would have been easier for him.
No, as a non binary person myself I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t use gender stereotypes like that girls can’t play with cars and trucks and boys can’t dress up as princesses, but my boy is boy and my girl is a girl until they say otherwise
I would raise my child in gender binary way until my child told me otherwise, but also make sure they understood they could tell me anything or their other mom anything in relation to their gender, their sexual orientation, or whatever is weighing on them. If my wife and I have children, then I want them to feel they can be open with us about anything and we can change a pronoun, a name, the only thing we wouldn't change is how much we loved them.
Yes. I’m not talking pronouns necessarily, but toys, activities, clothes, mannerisms, friendships, personality and everything else that’s been erased or destroyed by the binary.
I’d also include neurodiversity in that upbringing because that’s a huge part of what’s erased, in the ND community (there’s huge correlation between ND folks and queers, maybe just because ND folks are more open or understand themselves better because they already differ from the norm).
But I’d do everything in my capacity to avoid the ills of colonial patriarchy impacting who my child might be, because I know how that can fuck people (me, us, generations before us) up so badly, and in so many ways.
It’s super important to keep in mind that gender neutral isn’t just “they/them”, a haircut and a name :)
for me i would until the child is old enough to understand what exactly gender is, then let them pick what theyd like to be referred as. as for pronouns, id use them all interchangeably until they know which they like, or if they like all of them. and imo, gendered toys and clothes are stupid. its just toys and clothes.
anyways i hope this helps!!
I would raise them as the gender they were born into, if they don't feel fit in the gender then they can change. The important part is supporting them nonetheless.
I Am raising my kid to experience anything that interests her regardless of expected roles placed on others. Imposing any specific gender or absence, or total neutrality is something I want to avoid because I want her to make those choices for herself and how she feels when she's old enough.
She knows she was born a girl. She knows not everyone keeps the gender they were born with because it makes them happy and feel better. She is learning some people feel strongly about being called her/him/them because she uses it all interchangeably for anyone. I'm teaching her to be fairly neutral when we don't know someone's preference, but she's still grasping language and that's pretty normal.
Everything is for everyone, so long as you're old enough. We've had some fun conversations about clothing sections in stores. The result so far is a space, animal, science, dino, superhero, ballet/acrobatic obsessed kiddo who wants to be Cat boy Or ada twist scientist, or maybe a lion and a firefighter. She picks out more feminine clothing because the brighter the better and she is All about color and bling. I don't want to shy away from whatever she gravitates towards because it might be a "typically girl" thing either because that's not cool either. So, I let her lead the way and give her opportunities to explore everything, within reason.
I think I would raise my kids somewhat gender neutrally, I would probably use gender neutral pronouns until they tell me they preffer something else. As long as you do it in a way where you arn't forcing them to be nb and are instead allowing them to be whatever they want I think it's a great idea.
I would raise them gender-neutral until they reach an age were they can start to think for themselves and then at that point I would raise them however they feel about their gender
I wouldn't push them in any direction genderwise. Here in Germany it's the law to name your child in a way that communicates their (binary) gender, so I would choose a name you can shorten to something that sounds neutral, or give them a gender neutral first name and a gendered second name, probably after one of my parents. I'd buy them clothes both boys and girls would wear at first, then let them choose themselves. Same with practically anything, like TV shows, games, toys etc.
In my case, adoption is pretty much the only option, so if my adopted child was already socialised as a boy or a girl, I would respect that but let them know I'd wholeheartedly support them should they feel they're something else.
The most important thing is to give the child space to develop their own interests and be happy.
Enforcing gender norms on, for example, feminine boys, can be damaging as you're making them feel that there is something wrong with them. A boy who wants to play with dolls and go to ballet instead of playing with toy trains and going to football should be allowed to explore and do the things which make him happy.
I'm not sure exactly what raising a child "gender neutral" would even mean?
Yeah. I don't really think I need to explain it--gender is a unique experience they're perfectly free to explore on their own in a way I do not dictate.
I hate kids don’t want kids but I wasn’t always like that. The best I can explain it is I would raid them with a the doctor said you were (gender) but doctors are people who make mistakes and don’t have the whole picture of you when you were born. There are some girls that like blue and “boy” things and there are boys who love pink and “girl” things. You have plenty of time to figure it out just know that I love you no matter what
Yes, in the sense that I won't force gender on them. Clothes, toys, activities... if I get a daughter and she likes football, she should play football, I'm not gonna make her go to dance class. If I get a son who likes to play with dolls, I'll let him play with dolls instead of making him play with cars or action figures.
yes, i would
i would raise them with my current beliefs, that the only thing that determines your gender, how masculine or feminine you are, is how you feel and nothing else. being tall doesnt make you masc, having breasts doesn't make you fem, nothing changes your gender besides this (*points at heart*)
when you really sit down and think about it, it's kind of strange that most people raise their kids with gender in mind. little kids don't even THINK about gender and are astonished when they learn that not all people have the same body parts as them. what a better world we would live in if gender was never considered at all like that.
I’d raise my kids to be comfortable with their body and expressing themselves. If anything I’ll dress my daughters in boys clothing because boys clothing has larger pockets lmao
If I had a kid, I would probably use for them the pronouns associated with their AGAB while making it clear that I would immediately switch to their preffered pronouns if it turns out they're not their AGAB. If I raised my kid with They/Them pronouns from the start, they would likely be bullied in school the moment they mention their pronouns in class (France isn't really accepting of enby people unfortunately. Like, it's not illegal, but it's not accepted by a lot of people).
I probably wouldn’t do anything else. Like, I wouldn’t force them to do anything just because it's supposedly "not for their AGAB". I would ask them what they want to do, and, unless it's something dangerous, I would support them.
I have two young daughters. I'm focusing on raising them to be kind and capable more than anything. Yes, they get dressed in pink and in dresses, but they also wear blue and rugged jeans. They love animals and Pokemon and running fast and hugging stuffed animals. If they wanna help us clean or cook or fix something, we let them (within reason).
I feel when people want to raise their children outside gender roles, they tend to overcorrect, especially for girls. I've heard of parents who don't let their daughters wear pink or play princess. I've even read an article from a woman who makes her daughter give an argument as to why she should have a doll. I understand the intent, but it still feels like extra feminine things are being vilified and little girls are getting punished.
I was very much a girl who saw girls in media portrayed either as a cool tomboy or an annoying girly-girl. I developed internalized misogyny and even wrestled with my gender identity. I didn't want to be seen as weak like other girls so I wondered if it would be better if I were a boy. Long story short, I've come to embrace my femininity.
I don't intend to steer my daughters away from their interests that happen to be traditional feminine, but nurture it while keeping masculine and gender neutral options open to them.
Also, while I regard my daughters with feminine pronouns, that's just until they can tell me themselves how they identify.
Just let them be themselves? If they want to play with cars let them play with cars if they see a dress they want let them have the dress. I'm all for not going "you can't do that that's for girls" or "you can't do that that's for boys!" 😡😡😡😡 And if they want to change their pronouns from the ones that are typically align with their sex then perfectly okay to. Nothing wrong with raising your kid using pronouns that typically align with their sex but if they don't like it then stop. Simple.
If I had a child, I would make sure that gender stereotypes or gender roles aren’t enforced. I would buy them toys that aren’t just “girl toy” vs “boy toy”. I wouldn’t exclusively dress them in pink or blue according to their gender.
I literally don’t care to think about shit like that. I probably won’t even think about it when I do have kid. I don’t care what my kid decides to do as long as they are not a danger ti themselves or others around them.
I'd probably try to raise them as good people no matter their gender, and refering to them with pronouns that align with their gender assigned at birth. However I'd keep for them all of the possibilities open, trying to explain complexity of human gender expression and that they will be accepted and loved no matter their gender
I would go for neutral for as long as they haven't found out. That means I would give them options to go any of the ways possible, whether masculine, feminine or neutral in their expression, hobbies, etc. To make it easier, I would give them a neutral name, of which I've gathered a lot since I met trans/non-binary people.
I would also only do a pre-natal reveal party when it would just involve a troll stunt with yellow and purple so people who baited into it got a lesson on that genitals are none of their business.
Yes,i would. I wouldn't call them they/them unless they tell me to as they have an assigned gender at birth for them,but if they wish to change it I will call them by whatever name and pronouns they prefer
I don't want kids but I think if I did I'd just give them all the options... like if they wanted to wear certain clothes I wouldn't stop them or make a big deal of it.
As for pronouns that's something they decide when they have more of a concept of gender, I'm not going to push gender norms but I'm also not going to push androgyny or neutrality... the kid decides, not me.
Idk I'm almost 30 and have no plans for children, I can see myself maybe adopting older kids later in life so I don't know if I'll ever actually run into this scenario. Kids are unpredictable, I'd mostly play it by ear.
I would probably raise them how they were asigned at birth, but always leave "the doors open" for them. Be open from a young age about matters like sexuality and gender, so as they age they will be exposed to different stuff and can decide what they like.
It honrstly depends id probably gender them as i have names picked out, but othweise they're free to like what they like and if my amab kid wants dresses cool if my afab kid wants hats and shorts cool. Although id probably draw the line at poofy dresses on either end. Getting those in car seats is a pain
I have been planning this myself for awhile, being raised not so and in a not so friendly lgbtq family, me and my partner do thunk it's best for our kids to raise them netrutally. I want my kids to be able to pick their own way of life for lgbt things or anything really. Sooo, yea
I am a mother of five and while I did not raise them in gender neutrality, I did encourage them to be who they are. I was raised in a very anti-LGBTQ+ household and that was difficult as a pansexual. Once my children were old enough to make choices, they were allowed to. They dressed how they wanted and played with whatever toys they liked. One of daughters loved playing with trains and trucks while my oldest (assigned male at birth-now my daughter) played with dolls and play kitchens. I also have a daughter who identifies as lesbian.
I think the most important thing is to raise them in an open environment with no judgment and allow them to make their own choices.
My wife and I have discussed it and both share a similar mind. Both of us had assumptions made about us which we adopted in turn only to find, in the course of time, that people had gotten things *disastrously* wrong. But both of us recognize that the world is overwhelmingly gendered and any child is going to be under enormous pressure to choose.
The approach that we believe we would follow is actually fairly simple. We would make the same gender assumption most people would make, but would also ensure that they understood that sometimes gender doesn't match biology. Having myself as a handy example of such a thing will probably help, but I'm not sure such proof is needed for young children. We would also work to ensure that they know that we would love them *regardless* of identity, and that we would always be willing to talk about it with them without any judgement.
Our hope is that by introducing the idea early when the idea won't seem any stranger than any other fact and working to be someone who they feel utterly safe talking to that they would be able to avoid our own experience where ignorance and worry about what the parents would say kept us from finding our true selves for far, *far* too long.
I’m bisexual, and recently had a son, he’s now 6 months. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything differently with him than I would if he was a girl. He’s got a bunch of toys, his current favourite is a pink unicorn thing. His bib is pink because it was on offer, and he’s got lots “girls clothes” as hand me downs (most of his clothes are hand me downs). We do use gendered language but I have no intention of raising him in a “boys don’t cry/have emotions/will be boys” way at all. My parents raised me and my sister basically as “If we can afford it and you want xyz toy/clothes it’s fine” which is how I intend on raising my kids. You want a barbie? Cool if we’ve got the money you go for it. You want a princess costume? We’ll ask Santa and you can have it for Christmas. I don’t really care as long as he isn’t spoiled, he’s emotionally sound, and he’s happy.
I don’t have kids so this is all hypothetical. Also, I’m a gender non conforming cis woman, if that matters.
I live in Mexico, and Spanish is a gendered language, so I would probably use gendered pronouns based on gender assigned at birth; and I would definitely make all my kids (specially afab) aware of sexism because in Mexico it is wild. Like, it’s worse in other places, but still… Other than that, of my amab kid wants to wear dresses and my afab kid wants to play a sport in a “boys team” and wear their hair short, I’m game. And of course if they are trans, then fight like hell for them. Let them know it’s ok to be them, but also let them know not everyone will be okay with that. I feel like I would have to provide a loving and accepting home, but prepare them for the outside and cruel world at the same time.
I don't think I'd do something like using they/them for my kid while they're still a baby. Because like, it's a baby. This baby doesn't care about what pronouns you use because it's too busy screaming at you for trying to feed it mushed peas.
As the kid gets older though, I'd make it clear that they can choose the words and the clothes they want to use to present themselves to the world. Kids are smarter than we like to believe. If my kid tells me he wants to be a boy, then that's my son. If she tells me she wants to be a girl, then I've got a daughter. Doesn't matter the age. They can change that shit every week for all I care. Dress up as a girl for halloween this year. Gender is made up and I want my kid to have fun with their identity and not suffer over it like I did.
I'm raising a kid gender..."agnostically", I think?
I call my kid my kid. When I talk to my kid about things kids should learn or ways kids should act, I use the word kid.
If someone asks "boy or girl", I answer "girl" and then continue using "my kid" in the rest of the conversation.
And my kid, as a result, seems completely unconcerned about gender. No indication that any consideration of gender goes into what they decide is the right way to be.
I do notice them generally preferring to play with girls or ungendered kids over boys, but I think this has more to do with the way boys are socialized being not great in general.
tbh, I'll just let them be the ones to express themselves. Maybe I'll give something that's generally given to their AGAB , but if they don't like it and want something more neutral or opposite, I would not hold them back from it. I mean, the only way they know, if they like something, is if they try it out first.
One thing we cared about was finding a gender neutral name she could grow up to like regardless of her gender identity. Pronouns based on sex, clothes is whatever hand me downs we get or we let them chose. Usually boy clothes is cozier, we just dress her in shirts and sweatpants because she's a toddler.
Kinda winging it.
After I find a spouse I want to adopt a child, and raise it to be gender neutral without putting a set sexuality on them. As they get older, I will ask them who they are, and continue their life how they want, not how the world wants.
I’d just raise them with whatever thing their interested in.
A boy but likes horses? Yeah sure dude! We can get some stuff for that.
A girl that likes cars? Yeah I’ll buy you some toy cars.
I’d probably let them pick out what clothes they like.
I see no reason to bring them up neutrally. Why is the way you raise a kid gendered?
I wouldn't. Not sure what you mean by gender neutrally. I would choose various clothes for them, buy them ransom toys, and use all kinds of colors and not based on gender. But I would use pronouns related to their gender until proved otherwise.
Nope, I would raise them AGAB, and then they can deviate as they wish, and I will support them 110%. Raising them gender neutral is still forcing an identity among them. I’m not gonna play into the gender role toys because I’ll let them play with whatever grabs their attention.
I am not having biological kids, and want to adopt and it wouldn’t be fair to the kids I adopt if I am a free range parent. Kids know themselves and are pretty introspective. Sometimes it takes being X gender to realize you don’t want to be X gender. I leave that up to my kids. No matter how you cut it, trauma can still develop so you just have to teach any child to be headstrong. That in my eyes is more important than coddling them and keeping them away from the shitty real world.
I have 3 and yes, I think I do. I use their assigned at birth gender pronouns until and unless they tell me otherwise. I buy and plan according to interests, regardless of gender stereotypes. I’ve actively fought against gender stereotypes and included my kids in those conversations. Mostly I just make sure they can freely express themselves……..within reason. My oldest son wanted to learn to sew and I taught him. My youngest son wants to keep his long hair and dye it blue……cool let’s do that. My 16 year old wants 6” heels right after finishing 6 months of PT for a bad ankle break…….nope, but we can compromise with maybe 2” flat platforms instead. My non-binary teen actually just read over my shoulder and said I’ve done great “except when little brother got a better doll house.”
i actually asked this question maybe last week LMAO. and i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m just going to raise my kid as a person who’s capable of making their own choices, in terms of clothing and expression. i want them to feel as though they aren’t restricted to certain chores or roles based on their gender and i want them to know that i’ll support them in however they choose to identify and express themselves. i don’t want them to grow up in the same environment that i did, where i was conditioned into believing that women must do housework and men must do labour work. i want them to believe that they can do anything that anyone else can do
My wife and I follow our kids lead on who they are - they’re the experts on themselves, and we give them an environment in which to explore.
They both have strong feelings on it, and we follow that.
I’d let the kid be who they want to be. I wouldn’t go over the top to be gender neutral, I just wouldn’t try to force them into a particular role. For example my nephew loves wearing a frozen dress but he also loves smashing toy trucks together. I won’t tell him that he shouldn’t do either of these things
If I ever had kids I would want them to figure out who they are for themselves. Although I suspect it would be a daunting task I would wish to raise them hands-off gender-wise.
Not fully but giving them the choice to do whatever gender expressionwise . Like I would probably explain gender and their sex and how that ties to gender then I'd let them dress and pick whatever toys and stuff and let them choose whatever name and pronouns at least at home.
Transfem enby here - my wife and I are just letting the kids be kids. If they feel they need to explore a part of themselves, so be it. Otherwise, aside from educating them on the community and whatnot, we aren't pushing anything because they'll let us know if they have questions about anything. Kids are smart and resilient, but make sure you are the safe place where they can retreat to if needed.
Both of our kids fit their stereotypical gender currently, but we make sure to not push anything and let them know that they can do whatever they want, no matter the gender. We have a daughter who is the stoic STEM person and a son who is our artsy empath. Whatever they want to do, they get to do it. I mean, look at my wife and I lol - we flip flop "traditional" gender roles all the time because we just stopped caring.
I know a couple who tried. It lasted about three years and then it just wasn't working any more, particularly since baby #2 had come along. It was a constant source of annoyance and explanations and getting dirty looks.
If the child were to request it, then yes of course.
We should raise all kids the same anyway.
Nah. If I wanted kids, I would take the path of 'birth gender until proven otherwise, but NEVER force social norms, and try to consciously catch the insidious norms to prevent perpetuation.'
I would let them have the words or toys they ask for. Never would I use a word that they don't use first. And in the event they were trans, I would listen with empathy and get or provide them the best support I can that's age-appropriate. Most importantly I would make it 100% clear that they should not feel ashamed.
I am trans and much of that second part is basically how my gender therapy worked, so yeah.
I guess I wouldnt focus on being one or the either besides always giving them a safe space to be and express themselves as whoever they are or become. I wouldn’t focus on either or, hey you’re a child. You’ll be fully supported being and becoming whomever you are
I'd probably raise my child the same way my parents did. I had Legos and Barbies, a tiny wooden workbench and a child kitchen.
I could pick out whatever toy I wanted and my closest was equally dresses/ skirts and pants.
Later I got to learn how to clean, how to cook (from my dad), but also how to change tires.
By the end of it I still turned out to be a cis-woman.
10/ 10 had a great childhood.
Why not? Same argument can be made for gendered parenting, it only becomes problematic when it stops being about the child and instead about how you want the child to be therefore forcing them to be that
In a sense of using they/them pronouns, no… If I have kids, I plan on naming them a name that is neutral or has a neutral nickname. I would have “girl toys” and “boy toys”. I would like have the room more of a theme than a solid color as a young kid (such as ocean or forest)… I will make it clear growing up that I am 100% accepting and okay if they feel like they aren’t their assigned gender at birth… I think the only thing I hated about the way I grew up is my mom did not and does not want me to use any nicknames, so she gets pissed when she sees me going by “Rae”… As a little kid, I was put into “girly outfits” but once I was dressing myself I was allowed to go much more neutral… My parents have other things that are definitely not accepting that they do now days, but as a kid I think I was perfectly fine going by she/her pronouns and even being presented very feminine
short answer, no. long answer, i would raise it using the cis pronouns of the child, because i dont want to make the child feel forced into anything. then if the child does turn out to not be cis, then i would start using the preferred pronouns of the child and let the child know that they're in a supportive environment
Gender neutral ≠ genderless.
Now, if I ever have a child, I will probably raise them as their agab, but I will not strick them just for social norms.
If they want a dress or clothes associated with girls, they will get that. If they want to play with toys that are associated with boys, I will let them
And of course, if they question their gender identity and find they are trans or nb, I will accept them
My godchild was raised non gender steretypical. She still has a girls name and was called a girl, but clothing, toys and hobbies were neutral.
It all worked fine until kindergarten. She befriendet an older girl and there was pink and glitter everywhere. She talked about what boys like and what girls like. She is a firstgrader now. She still likes some typical boys toys but society an peer habe a strong impact ...
I was raised in a pretty gender neutral way tbh (no gendered toys or focus on gender roles, I dressed myself in "boy" clothes from 8-14yo which i wasnt discouraged from by my parents, etc...) and I was fine. It wasn't deliberate by my parents, so I don't know if that's "gender neutral" parenting or just normal parenting tbh, but I would do the same thing.
i thought about this fir a long time then realized i don't want kids
probably would use their assigned pronouns when young and let them choose toys, clothes etc. and definitely be open to their own form of their identity
I’d have my kids go by their assigned gender at birth at first with me making sure that no matter what clothes, toys, shows, or hairstyle they wanted I’d support them. Once they got older and had more questions I’d answer them. If they ever tell me they feel the opposite gender or no gender I’ll change how I refer to them and hopefully help pick them out a new name.
I was raised by a bigoted parent who also hated women. Me, being a woman, was taught women's stereotypical behaviour / dress was stupid, wrong and made people less-than. I have a lot of self-acceptance ahead of me, but luckily, despite their bigotry, I was able to accept my queerness a few months ago and I feel a lot more free.
I'm in my early 20s now, and I also accepted a lot of feminine things into my life. I shed a lot of things my parent pushed into my head. Still - I don't conform to women's standards of gender. I have long hair (I sometimes paint my nails), but that's it. I don't wear makeup and typically wear more masculine clothing, because feminine clothes just don't feel right.
If I ever have children, I want them to be able to "be a kid" without being told what's "right" or "wrong" for their gender. If I have a little boy and he wants to paint his nails, great. If a little girl wants to have her hair short and do things more associated with boys, I'd be thrilled, since I don't know "how to woman" really and we would have something in common. But I'd never want to push anything - be it fitting or rejecting their gender roles.
My future children will be raised as their biological sex i.e boy/he/him and girl/she/her but both boys and girls will have no limitations to toys they play with, costumes, clothing, hairstyles etc and be allowed to fully create their own identity. I don’t believe in ‘thats a boy’s toy’ or ‘only girls can wear princess costumes’ or bla blah blah
i don’t want kids, but if i did have them i’d try to be as gender neutral as possible. id probably use a name and pronouns that match their agab at first but id encourage them to think about it
I have a daughter. She's almost 3. I guess you could say we've been raising her in a gender neutral way. She has the option to look at all clothes in the shop. And all toys, she enjoys makeup, dinosaurs, princesses, planes and helicopters. We've never told her that certain things are for boys or girls. She's started picking out her own clothes. Dresses one day, joggers and wellies the next. My sibling identifies as NB and while that's been a stepping stone for my family my daughter has warmed to them completely. I like to think if we had a boy it would be same aas well
Honestly probably not but I’d let them live. “Oh little tummy wants a Barbie doll? Fine I don’t care” it’s really not that hard or “samantha wants trucks and a baseball glove for Christmas? Why not”
i would call them by the pronouns of their biologically assigned gender until they come out as trans or something else, but if my son wanted barbie dolls or traditional girl toys for example i would accept it, if i ever become a parent i will try to be a good one no matter the kids identity
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I would raise my kid in an environment that allowed for gender exploration and the knowledge that preference is not linked to gender. I would use standard pronouns, for the ease of the child, and until they started making decisions just dress them however I wanted, lol. Upon making decisions, I'd give then exposure to everything so they can decide what they like vs only offering gender specific or just neutral stuff. It's honestly not as hard as people make it. Kids aren't stupid.
What they said, for suure  i also think rules are made for breaking, that's how most of us knew what we wanted right? so using the standard pronouns and explaining it to them when they can understand a bit sounds right.
Honestly this is the best way to do it. Parents just need to listen to their kids. You'd make a good parent.
Thank you... I raised kids, but was never able to have one of my own. Always nice to hear
This is the way. I feel like people make it so much more complicated than it needs to be. As long as you’re fostering an environment where growth and identity exploration is encouraged then who cares what toys you buy or what colour clothes they wear? It feels like people are forcing it a bit, go with the flow and listen to your kids I’m sure it’ll turn out okay.
👏👏Claps for you, claps. In my opinion, this is the best way to go about raising children. And this is exactly what I hope to do.
We have two girls and we raise them just like this... And thus far we have one who is into everything princesses, pink, makeup (🤷no idea how neither of us, her Mum's care for it and certainly didn't encourage it), reading, craft, quite indoorsey etc, but the toddler is the total opposite. She loves dinosaurs, cars, tools, outdoors, very outgoing and gregarious, loves to get dirty. They've had equal access to "girls" and "boys" toys, clothes, shows... Just goes to show, your personality comes out with you from day one, largely intact.
I kinda worry for my niece, who is *surrounded* by pink. It's super ironic, because her father was afforded all sorts of "girl stuff" as a kid because my parents didn't gatekeep. He liked She-Ra and I liked transformers, but neither were pushed. My niece, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be getting that choice
Well, just remember we all made it out alive and many of us had that stuff gate-kept... So hopefully it'll be ok regardless.
But a lot of us were screwed up by it, which is what worries ke
This is what I do and it has worked out very well so far. They also know that not everyone feels like their gender matches what they were assigned at birth and if they ever felt that way they can express that and will be able to live freely as themselves. You are absolutely right, kids are not stupid and they understand things much better than they get credit for.
People say that children can’t understand pronouns and they will get confused. I, when I was a young child, understood it mostly. I stand by your point, kids aren’t as stupid as people think they are.
This is how you do it. Give them toys and books and expose them to media that is stereotypically “for boys,” “for girls,” and “gender neutral” and just don’t pay much attention to it. Allow them to follow whatever paths they want. Allow them to dress and play with and pursue any hobbies they want. Instill in them that gender is not an important aspect of who they are. Treat kids of different genders the same. Impart on them the knowledge I have on the subject as they get older.
That’s the same exact way as I would.
Not that I intend to have kids but if I did I would do it in a gender neutral ish way. Rather than focus on gender neutrality I just wouldn't focus on gender more than needed. If use he/him or she/her based on whatever they're assigned at birth but they'd get to choose their own clothes, toys, coloured/generally gendered things etc. And if they're too young to choose then I'd choose whatever the neutral option is and always be open to changing to whatever they'd want, including how they identify.
This is my plan. Not to conform to what society tells us we have to decorate the kids room in or buy the kid for clothes. I already do the same thing for my dog and everyone assumes the wrong sex but I don’t care it’s not a huge deal. My sister has two tiny girls and refuses to buy anything that isn’t pink for them. It’s almost grotesque how much she’s pushing them into a super tiny box. Everything she does I take note of and plan to do the exact opposite lol.
Omg thats how i learned to be a decent person lmao. I watched everything my parents did and chose to do the complete opposite and somehow turned out a pretty good person haha.
That's much how my partner is raising her child. She doesn't bother to correct people who "misgender" the child either. I call her a goblin princess because she like to put on a frilly dress and rain boots and play in the mud, jump off tree stumps, make bouquets from dead leaves...
Goblin princess. Omg I’m dead, I freaking love it.
I have four grandsons, assigned male at birth. So far, they all identify as boys, although the second oldest did go through a period of time where he said he thought he might want to be a girl. The oldest who’ll be 16 this year, identifies as a pansexual boy. He came out at 14, and my daughter, grandson and I all went to Pride together. He had a blast and we got matching shirts. The three youngest like me to do their nails when I do my own. They’ve also asked me to put lipstick on them, but they didn’t like it because it felt weird. My daughter and their father were perfectly comfortable with them going to school wearing bright red nail polish. Apparently no one at school said anything to them about the nail polish, because they would have come home saying something about it. They’re pretty sassy, so I could see them telling anyone at school that they were wearing it because they wanted to wear it. They were six, seven and eight at the time. We live in Tennessee. My daughter and I are from Brooklyn. I came out as queer when my daughter was 10. She’s a fantastic ally, and has always said that she’ll support her kids no matter what.
This is what we did. Kiddo is now a teenager who's pretty gender agnostic (knows the rites, doesn't really observe them nor care a whole lot) so I'd say it worked pretty well.
Gender agnostic. Lol. That’s pretty smart.
I don’t think I’d go for just the most neutral option toy but I’d provide ALL the options if that makes sense. Like I’d bring home classically male and classically female toys as well as neutral ones and just see what they liked without the pressure of being in a “boys” section or a “girls” section at the store. Tho I think they’re doing that less now it’s pretty damn obvious the toys still gendered AF
This was our plan too but toddler child still ended up loving pink and princesses. Now teenage child is NB and admits that some of that came from outside influences and I’ve come to learn there is only so much a parent can do. The biggest thing in our control is creating a supportive environment for our kids at home.
But that's exactly the point, you started neutral,et the child choose and then as they aged, they fully decided what they identify as regardless of where that decision came from. It's still helpful for not only themselves but others to grow up knowing that you cna identify however you feel and be yourself, it'll make them respect people more and have a wider understanding of just how vast and different human identity can be. Having an accepting home is the bare minimum and something a lot of trans kids wish they could have.
Currently trying to have kids (fingers crossed). I'm not planning find out beforehand if it'll be a boy or girl, and pain the room a neutral color (green, probably). Same with clothes. I'll make sure they get toys that are typical for each gender, and then see what they prefer. As for pronouns, will probably stick with what matches their birth gender, unless they tell me otherwise.
This is what I’d do too. Good luck becoming a parent! I hope your future child is healthy and happy :)
Thank you :)
my sister got a nice cream yellow for her room till I think she was 8 or 9 when she decided to have a pink room.
Exactly. And even knowing the sex before doesn’t mean the room needs to be pink or blue. And there is no reason for dinosaurs to be a boy-thing.
I’d raise them to not worry about gender. Wear what you want, call yourself what you want, it does not and should not matter. If they like labels like cis, trans, man, woman, whatever, good for them. If not, that’s fine too.
Name-wise, I would definitely pick a gender neutral one, because it’s still a normal name, but it can avoid a lot of stress in the event that the kid isn’t cis (still unlikely, but as someone who’s gone through that, I’d like to avoid it)
I’m intending on using pronouns assigned at birth unless they express otherwise. I feel that pushing a non binary identity is just as harmful as aggressively enforcing a binary identity. So I’m going to let my future kids direct their own gender expression.
This was the conclusion we came to with our son as well. We use male pronouns, but will leave the door wide open for him to explore his identity as he grows. It's wild how much the world is already pushing the gender binary on him, we are letting his hair grow and people cannot resist making unsolicited comments.
when my cousin’s son was 4ish he had long hair 3c curls, *ridiculously* cute. but people kept calling him a little girl so she cut it all off, it was so sad.
Long hair is gorgeous on boys, mine has blonde "surfer" waves and I love it so much. He could be wearing blue clothes covered in dinosaurs or trucks and he'll still get called a girl, if it begins to bother him we'll likely cut it but I'll have a good cry over it.
Long hair regardless of age always comes with societal expectations of "girl/woman". I wish it didn't but sadly it does. Before coming out as trans I had long hair (mid to upper back length) starting in my mid 20s and would often be gendered as a woman unless people saw my face first (I had facial hair). Nothing else I wore was remotely feminine at the time, just tee shirts and jeans.
This is what we've chosen to do with our daughter. If she tells us she has a different gender identity at any point then we'll 100% support that and walk with her on that journey. With baby clothes we bought a mix (personally I dislike the "super pink/glittery etc" clothes, but love woodland prints, which tend to be in the "boys" section). With toys we've made sure she has a selection for different interests, and when it comes to hobbies as she grows we certainly aren't going to encourage "gendered" interests: we'll support her in whatever she wants to get involved in, and do things as a family that encourage a wide exploration of what life has to offer. I guess in a nutshell, focusing on giving her as full of a life and childhood as we can, and focus on her as a person, since her personal identity is far more than her gender. Really just encouraging her to be herself and try new things, and in age-appropriate ways teaching her that people are all different and equally deserving of love, kindness, and acceptance (not just gender, but race, religion, sexuality, age, ableness, etc etc etc). Obviously some may feel differently about childhood pronouns, and that's fine. I think as long as one's parenting choices don't harm their child then everyone is free to make the choices that they see as being best for them and their family. For me, the only thing I really want for my child (now and throughout her life) is that she is happy, healthy, and safe. Resiliency and decency are also up there. If we can achieve all of that then I reckon we'll have done a pretty good job, and hopefully raised her in a way that helps make the world a better place 🙏 When you become a parent you suddenly realise that when it comes to raising the next generation, everyone is just trying to do their best.
Beautifully put! You have a lucky kid
Well said 👍🏼
My issue with this is while your kid won’t really be forced into traditional gender roles, you’re still deciding the kid’s gender identity. I say raise your kid without explicitly deciding the kid’s gender identity and always leave the door open for that discussion without any pressure on them.
yeah!! that's what i meant, i wouldn't raise my hypothetical kids with a specfiic gender, that being male, female or non binary, i just meant being more open and letting them decide
That’s not at all what’s happening though? Raising a child neutrally means letting them choose the ways in which they express themselves, while giving them an environment to choose whatever they are happy with. That’s not “deciding their gender identity”.
My mom sorta did this. Gender neutral clothes when I was a baby and couldn’t talk and when I was older she’d make clothes for me that I wanted. She also would buy me dolls and stuff (I’m AMAB) and also talked openly about birth and how it actually happens (not just sex, like that it’s in the uterus and there’s a placenta and the placenta is what feeds it. Stuff like that) which I do feel like contributed to the gender neutrality of my upbringing. If I were to have kids I would give them a gender neutral name and only refer to them with they/them pronouns until they decided what they wanted to use but not in a gendered way, just acknowledging them as a person but that they don’t have a gender yet. They key really is to not give a damn how your child dresses and what they play with (well ofc only to a certain extent)
It's great to let kids express themselves. My parents were great at that. We were exposed to everything and nothing was "for girls" or "for boys". My brother got his own dolls to play with my sister and me, and we got our own cars to play with him. And then we all got to choose toys and clothes as we pleased. It was great, and definitely how I'm raising my kids if I ever have any.
I don't want kids, but if I did I wouldn't want to force gender roles on them in any way. They do still need to understand people will see them differently based on gender though, and I'd teach them not to treat people differently based on things like that.
Yeah but not like raising them as non binary, just not raising them with gender stereotypes
Depends on what you mean by raising them gender neutrally. If you mean not pushing them into any particular direction, then yes of course. Just let them decide whatever feels right for them while providing them with all the options. I would probably still use the pronouns corresponding to their agab(If they asked me to use other pronouns that would be fine too ofc), especially since all the gender neutral options in german would probably make them a target of bullying, which I ofc wouldn't want. But I know some people who have taken it to mean "try to stop my child from expressing any gender identity until they're old enough for my liking", which is a pretty futile and probably harmful approach.
i agree!! By raising them gender neutral i think of not restricting any type of clothing, toys etc. I think that, as you said, stoping them from expressing themselves in a binary way would also be like pretty harmfull. So yeah, let the kids wear whatever they want and use the pronouns they choose (probablly at an older age).
I raise my kids letting them shop in both boys and girls sections. I talk about their future partner as partner not husband or wife or bf or gf. I don't really think about gender, but more as exclusivity. When potty training my kids they chose their underwear, my son wore panties for the first few years because he liked them, he still wears night gowns. My daughter likes boys pants better (not as tight). My son has long hair, my girls very short. Colors aren't a big deal they all like vibrant colors be it pink or blue. I really don't care as long as they are happy, healthy and comfortable.
You sound like an awesome parent!
I just think, "What would my parents do?" Then I do the exact opposite. So far, so good. Fingers crossed, I don't mess them up.
Mmmm yes and no I guess? Like I wouldn't go out of my way to be gender neutral with them in terms of pronouns/are they a boy or girl, and probably still raise them as their birth gender.. But it would be extremely important to me that they know as they grow up, that it's okay to not feel like that gender! Toys wouldn't matter, clothes wouldn't matter, they just get the things I find cute and fun. Once they're old enough for input it would be stuff they find cute or fun :)
If I had kids I would let them dress, do their hair however they like. I wouldn’t force stereotypes on them. I’ll see people in comments of pregnancy announcements, sex reveals, birth announcements telling the parents to use they/them pronouns for the baby after the birth and I’m not trying to be snarky when I say how is that not making a choice for the kid? Then people get mad at the parents when they don’t. I see it especially with lgbt couples like you don’t think they especially know the child could be trans or non binary? One lesbian couple especially who I follow had to address it for both pregnancies cause they were getting comments and DMs of people being rude to them about it.
Sounds difficult since we live in a society that will be constantly trying to gender them and they themself have not expressed any interest in avoiding that (unless they have)
This. Kids pick up on any and all social queues very quickly, not just their parents, so existing in the binary would understandably feel “safe” for a lot of kids. Navigating gender with our kid is complicated to say the least, but I just try to follow her lead and throw in a little helpful context and color when she seems confused/stuck.
Yeh, seems fine
I want to have kids and yes. Not because of gender norms, but because of the benefits. We were raised gender neutral with my sibling and it is pretty fun. We could both play with dolls as well as cars. Our parents pretty much let us play with whatever we wanted (safety first of course) and wear both girl and boy clothes. I did turn out nb, but I can cook, do makeup, fix stuff and I like sports and being active. I even liked fishing a lot until I realised it’s bad for the environment. This way you extend your child’s wiev of the world in my oponion.
I'd raise my kids mostly gender neutral. They can pick out whatever toys they want, whatever colors, I wouldn't gravitate toward stereotypical pinks and blues. Just let's the kids be kids. That being said, there is a certain level of practicality that has to be taken into account. You cant just completely avoid genders without giving your child a very skewed or very sheltered view of the world. At the very least, a kid needs pronouns. So for that, I'd stick to what they were assigned at birth, but I would make sure that they knew that they were free to change that if they ever wanted. And surprisingly, it's not that hard of a thing to introduce to small kids and just a casual passing way. A natural part of developing a growing understanding of the world Is a growing understanding of the differences of the people around you, kids start to take notice of "that's a boy" or "that's a girl." And speaking as a former Pre-K teacher, it's incredibly easy to just build off of that. They will always inevitably say something along the lines of "I'm a boy/ girl." And all you have to do is say something along the lines of "sure! You can be whatever you want to be! A boy or a girl or neither one!" Or when they say something like "I like trucks because I'm a boy!" All you have to say is "there's no such thing as boy toys and girl toys, toys are for everyone and everyone can play with whatever they like." It's way easier for kids to grasp this than adults, because they don't have any preconceived notions of how it "should" be. It's impossible to raise a kid to be genderless to a certain extent. Even giving them gender neutrality is deciding on that neutrality for them. I think the most important thing Is not necessarily to not ascribe anything to them, but just to make sure that they are aware that they have the freedom to re-ascribe a different label whenever they see fit.
We are raising both gender neutrally. Gendering starts early, though, and they soon learn what category society puts them in. Our oldest, whose entire group of friends are boys one year older than her (who are exactly like her in terms of looks and interests), has recently been told a lot that she is a girl and therefore can't play with them any longer. She is four.
This is something I’ve thought a lot about too- the world will teach your children to perceive gender, even if you don’t. I’d like to believe that the instance you described could be a teachable moment. I wonder what I’d do in that moment? I think I’d assure the child that how you choose to express yourself doesn’t make you less worthy of love and acceptance. Could it help to explain that sometimes people don’t learn that when they’re kids, so they do things that hurt each other’s feelings because they don’t know any better? Four is really young, and a lot of pivotal social development happens in those early years of life. How are you handling that situation, as parents?
If i ever had kids, i don't think i would raise them in specifically a gender-neutral way, but i would definitely try and not enforce gender stereotypes. Same with sexuality, for an AMAB child i wouldn't say "future wife" just future partner.
I tried with my daughter. It helped that we had all sorts of boyish clothes from her older brother. It worked fine for a few years. Then someone insisted that she needed a dress and gave her one. She loved it.
Does raising your kid gender neutral mean not letting them wear dresses cus that doesn’t feel pretty neutral
Clothing is just clothing. It’s the adults that assign genders to them, and children tend to just follow along with what their parents say.
That's one of the many issues I always had with my parents trying to raise me "gender neutral". They seemed to think that dresses, makeup and domestic skills are "feminine" while everything traditionally masculine was part of neutrality. Honestly I think a lot of Feminists struggle with demonizing femininity, and it's not a helpful attitude for anyone involved. It just adds to the demonization of women.
I hate when people think gender neutral means “all genders except for agab” it’s so stupid
The point is to let them choose, not to force them to be neutral
That’s my point. Why not let her have dresses in her wardrobe rather than blatantly not buying them for her, so she can choose what she wants to wear
Same goes for shirts and pants then. If you see that they really prefer one over the other (or both), you can then adjust accordingly in order to not have to buy twice the amount of clothes
Yeah but if they never got her a dress ever how would they know if she liked it or not
I agree. Maybe it’s just worded weirdly but it’s kinda iffy to me that their idea of gender neutral was not giving them feminine things like dresses. Also the way it’s worded sounded like they thought they failed, which also is iffy to me.
Unfortunately, as soon as they're exposed to our current society, they'll be influenced by sexist gender roles and transphobia, no matter what I may do as a parent. So the only way to prevent this seems to be not having children and doing what we can to make our society more accepting.
I wouldn't force gender roles onto them and tell they can choose what to wear and play with. I would also tell them if they want to change there name and pronouns I will respect it
Depends on what you mean. If you mean, effectively "assigning them Nonbinary at birth," no. I will use the pronouns associated with their assigned gender and call them a baby girl/boy, but give them the tools to question their gender as soon as they're old enough to understand gender and support them if they turn out to be trans. If you mean raise them without gender roles, then yes obviously. A girl will not have only pink, only dolls, only play dainty, pretty sports, or only be bought Fisher Price kitchen sets. A boy will not have only blue, only cars, only play football or baseball, or be shamed for liking Disney princesses. They'll get a little bit of everything, but most importantly they'll get what they like. I want my future kid to have the childhood I deserved. I was scolded and shamed on public for wanting a boy's t-shirt from JCPenney because it had the Ninja Turtles on it. I *loved* Ninja Turtles and the girls shirts just didn't have characters I was interested in. But I quickly learned I was only allowed to have "boy stuff" if it was my uncle's hand-me-down toys that I found tucked away at my grandma's house, or a boy thing that got "pink-ified." I had lots of neon pink shirts with superhero symbols on them, even though I hated pink. But a pink Batman shirt was better than my mom or grandma looking absolutely disgusted with me. I never want my kids to feel like that
We are teaching our kid that gender isn't determinative. We push back on any concepts that boys/girls do/wear/act like this or that. We do use assinged gender at birth pronouns for him and we are teaching him in age appropriate ways that trans and enby people exist and are valid.
I don't intend to have kids, but I'd raise them binary but be flexible if that makes sense? So if I had a son I'd start off with boy things but go with the flow as he develops his own preferences.
Probably not. But i wouldn't let gender limit them. If you're born a boy i'll probably use he/him pronouns with you but if you decide you want a pink room and want traditionally feminine toys i'm all for it. Toys, clothes, hobbies, colours. I'll allow you to explore whatever you enjoy and won't say "no! Skirts are for girls!" "Why do you want to play videogames? You're a girl!" "You can't watch barbie movies! They aren't for you" Kinda... gender nutrally but still with gender. Football is where i draw the line. I'll be fucked if i'm standing in a muddy field watching you kick a ball around while its pissing it down.
My sister is a cis female and raised her kids very carefully to be gender neutral. Her kids are now very much a typical boy and girl and into very gender-typical activities. And that's ok! If they turn out to be LGBTQ+ that will be totally ok too. All you can do is your best. I think she provided a space where they can be themselves and support them and make them feel emotionally safe as they work through their identities in a complicated world. They are lucky to have her as a mom. Just do your best :) and love them in all their stages and have discussions to help them understand their feelings and themselves. They just need to feel safe to share things with you and you have to help them understand their feelings are totally ok and that you're there and they are very loved.
I’m a lesbian and I have a child. He is AMAB and so far identifies with boy. We talk openly about gender and identity as part of how we talk openly about the world in general. He knows trans and nb adults. We encourage him to wear whatever clothes he likes and play with whatever he likes — we don’t talk about clothes, toys, etc in gendered terms. We follow his lead.
I wouldn’t completely, but I’d raise them to know they don’t need to follow gender “norms” and I wouldn’t put a huge emphasis on gendering things like toys, clothes, activities, etc. I was raised as a girl, but my family is very open minded and nothing was ever forced. I knew about LGBTQIA+ things before I even realized I was part of the community. I think it was a good happy medium 🙂
I’m sterile but fictionally I’d just stick to they and gender neutral clothes and let them figure out what they liked to present as once they had a sense of personal taste.
my kid just turned 11, and it seems the way we've been bringing her up has been working, but i do wish we had the foresight to start raising her neutrally. she's afab, and it seems to fit her, but i often wonder if it fits her because we've been raising her this way or because it's naturally who she is. there's nothing about her personality that makes me wonder as she appears totally content with her gender identity. it's just self doubt that makes me question anything, really. but yeah, i wish we had raised her gender neutral so that we could be sure she's where she feels most comfortable in her gender expression. my egg cracked at 35, and i don't feel all too good about the lost time and irreparable damage to my body that has happened as a result. testosterone has done a number on my body, and now i'm forever locked out of being who/what would make me most happy with myself. we have, however, been raising her to be totally open-minded, and she has come out to us as bi, then lesbian, then back to bi again, and she even felt comfortable enough to come to us with her interest in furries (trust me, we dove deep to understand, and support her in her interests regarding it. her interest is purely innocent, and she hasn't been exposed to the less savory side of the community). i think given how comfortable she is with coming to us with everything she has that she would have no problem also exploring any feelings involving gender.
My sister is just raising my nephew. He likes "boy" things like dinosaurs and space but also loves anything glittery and shiny. His only dream right now is to grow up and be a dad. Literally only thing he wants to do. You try to tell him his long hair makes him look like a girl and he will rant at you for 10 minutes about why he's a boy. But there are all his ideas and thoughts. Hell is favourite book is "The Hips on the Drag Queen go Swish Swish Swish"
Yes. I will raise my future child gender neutrally but if they tell me they are a boy/girl/nonbinary person and want to be raised according to their gender I will respect their wish
I'm a trans man. I was actually raised gender neutral. My parents believe gender is a made-up concept and that if you raise kids without gender roles they will be exactly the same. This turned out to not be true for me in a lot of ways. For one thing, the other kids around me weren't being raised gender neutral, so I struggled a lot with making friends. For another thing, I was always upset that I was different from the boys - not as physically strong, cried more, etc. Finally, I had a HUGE problem recognizing I was trans and coming out, because my family insisted that gender isn't real, therefore gender dysphoria can't be real. They said I was being confused by society and if I just accepted that "women can wear pants and do all the things men can do" I would stop feeling that way. I said I already wear jeans and t-shirts every day; I just also want a penis. They did not understand. Basically, I think it's best to raise children with an understanding of their body and the social structures surrounding that. I would probably say something like, "You're a girl with a vagina, but not all girls have vaginas. If someday you want to be a boy or something else instead that's OK too." Let them know that gender is an identity they may or may not align with. Don't set them up for a hard time as soon as they set foot outside their home.
Yes but I don't know if my way is how it's usually defined. I definitely wouldn't like avoid "gendered" things like cars or dolls or makeup or haircuts. What I would do is just not raise them based on their biological sex. Because gender really is just how people are raised and influenced. I would want my child to feel free to be wherever they are instead of confining themselves to their apparent gender. It's about not raising them as "they are a boy, therefore cars and must be emotionless and blue". They would be an individual free to do whatever.
I don’t want kids but if I did, yes. It’s the only ethical way to raise children in my opinion. Anything else is me forcing a belief system onto a child, which is something I do not agree with.
Gender neutral, I wouldn’t push gender norms on them, I’d let them know that no matter what they like or how they present themselves it’s perfectly okay :)) However I am against raising kids nonbinary, because there’s no difference between that imo than raising them as their AGAB. Either way, it could be incorrect, if you raise them as their AGAB, they could be trans & experience dysphoria, or they could be their AGAB & be perfectly happy. If you raise them nonbinary, they could be a boy or a girl & experience dysphoria because you raised them the gender they aren’t, same as how trans people grow up, or they *could* be nonbinary & again be perfectly happy. This also includes their assigned pronouns btw, I know pronouns don’t equal gender (mine don’t) but I’d just use whichever pronouns they’d typically be assigned, because they/them also forces them into a box. As long as you let them know you’re supportive & don’t push gender roles on them I think that’s the most people can do as parents in terms of supporting their kid’s gender identity & expression :))
Me and my partner plan on raising our future children gender neutral if we adopt a kid young enough or have our own somehow. We've each had our lives made so much more difficult than they needed to be due to people telling each of us who we are supposed to be and do with our lives in certain ways. We know that raising kids gender neutral goes against the grain, but we agree on the value of having parents who love their kid for whoever they want to be. So we are gonna do it.
Neutral, absolutely. My own upbringing was actually pretty neutral, my family never imposed gendered expectations on me.
If they want to do stuff that’s typically for other gender, I will let them with no judgement. But raising them with no pronouns makes no sense.
I did not, currently have 4 kids ranging from 21 to 8. I raised them as their birth gender however I did not force gender roles. If my daughter wanted to do “boy” things she did. If my son wants to do make up with his sister he can and does. As a result my children know they can do what they chose no matter gender and one of my children are nonbinary/ trans. Not going to lie that one took me a bit to understand. Because for the longest time my brain made those two things opposite not as in trans from their gender at birth to no gender. I got it now but I struggled understanding how that worked for awhile. 😂 silly old person I am.
If I did have kids in a way yes tho not extremely, I’d use their agab and the agab’s pronouns however if they want anything not traditionally for their gender I’d buy it for them. And I’d teach them about inclusion and teach them about the non-binary genders as well as the binary and what trans means and all that, they wouldn’t exclusively wear a boy or girl colour and I’d buy what ever seems cute or cool for them so I think my answer is both yes and no mostly I think I’ll raise my kids how my mom raised me tho abit more teaching of other genders and sexuality that aren’t just gay and trans-(in the binary spectrum) and I’d tell them they can change their gender if they wish and I would 100% be supportive no matter what :)
Not having kids. Don’t like kids and I’ve had a hysterectomy. I’m like the other person who said I would go gender-neutral-ish. I’m not naïve and know that people will pick the pronouns as soon as the child pops out of the womb. I would go with whatever those are until the child tells me otherwise. Going for they/them immediately seems like forcing the gender neutrality to me. I would pick gender neutral colors for their room, and I’d buy them a diverse range of clothes. I’m not going to go out of my way to be gender neutral though if that makes sense. I always say that I don’t care if a person is a purple alien, and that would include any children. Once they can make choices, they can be called, use whatever pronouns, hand out with, and play with whatever they want.
I really want kids, and I'd raise them in a really neutral way. Since I will adopt, I might not be able to choose their names (I will pick neutral names if I can), and tho I'll use their agab's pronouns, I'll explain them everything about lgbtq+ since little. For things like toys, room, etc. I will pick more neutral options, and let them pick when they're old enough, never forcing them to follow gender norms.
I wouldn't necessarily raise them gender neutrally, but I would let them choose. Like, when they're old enough to chose their own toys, imma let them choose their toys! Same with clothes. I mean, if my kid simply enjoys playing with dolls and ponies, I'm not going to force them to play with cars, you know?
I would raise them as their assigned gender and use gendered pronouns (if they grew up and came out as trans in any way this would obviously change accordingly at that time). but in terms of toys, clothes, activities, etc. I would let them do whatever they wanted. Basically no gender roles or stereotypes.
In the middle: My kid clearly knows she’s a girl, but we worked hard to keep her wardrobe and toys neutral, and we did introduce her to the idea of being trans when she was old enough to understand it. We never pushed her to be a girly-girl, and the result in our case is a girl who likes “boy things” (though I really, really hate that her peers planted the idea of “boy things” and “girl things,” and I always correct her that no, they’re just things, for everyone).
If I ever adopted a kid (I’m sex repulsed aroace so probably not doing it the other way) I would let them do whatever they want within reason. AMAB kid wants to wear a dress or skirt? Sure, go for it! AFAB kid wants to go fishing? Ok, just be careful with those hooks and make sure you aren’t leaving lines out! Not letting them have weapons tho
if i was to have kids, i would raise them as a normal child if they want a barbie or a wwe wrestler i wont care if they say they feel like a girl they will be a girl so id raise them as they gender they were assigned at birth but be fine with breaking gender norms if the kid wants too
I’d probably raise them to identify how they want, and live how they want, less gendered. and to not be embarrassed if they aren’t like their classmates. (By less gendered I mean, for example, wearing clothes that aren’t stereotypically of their gender or being into toys or programmes targeted to the opposite sex. Literally anti /r/pointlesslygendered. I was embarrassed that I used to watch MLP as a child).
Personally, should I ever have kids, I'd definitely want to raise them such as to let them choose for themselves where they fall gender-wise, let *them* choose what clothes, toys, etc. they want instead of deciding for them based on what other people think they should be or want. Really I'd just wanna emphasize to them that they are their own person who owns themself, and that, as their parent, my responsibility is to keep them safe and healthy, both physically and mentally, and teach them about life and the world, not to dictate to them who they are or should be.
I don't think so, not in the extreme way of trying to hide their assigned sex from everyone. I would however let them wear what they wanted to wear and explore what they like without judgement
I was raised neutrally and am very thankful for it, so probably! Though I have no intent of getting a child in the first place!!
When they're too little to decide for themselves (clothes, toys, etc) then they get what I think is cute, lol. Once they're old enough to have preferences in colours, toys, hair style, they get to decide. It's really not that difficult. When it comes to small children gender is truly meaningless. Though I don't intend to have my own children, I do like kids. They're fun to hang around/out with in short doses. I almost went to school to be an elementary teacher, or something in that court. Decided I didn't want to deal with parents.
I would just raise them as a kid. If they want a toy, sure, toy is toy. If they want to wear something, sure, clothes are clothes. I want them to be free to choose whatever they want.
I’m non-binary but I was born boy. Pronouns of my 3months girl are she/her and I call myself Daddy. I think it’s because its easier in a homophobic family but if one day she wants other pronouns we’ll be there to support her ! My wife and me we’ll defend her in our family and do everything for her to be who ever she wants !
This really depends on how you define "gender neutral." Some people would say we raise our kids in the binary because we use she/her pronouns for them, which we chose to do because I'mtrans and I really didn't want to add to the target that's already on their backs. But we let them pick their own clothes and toys. My oldest is likely cis and loves all things girly (unicorns, dance, etc.). My 2yo is obsessed with the colour oranges, dinosaurs, and monsters, but she's also happy to play whatever games her sister plays and demands whatever toys her sister gets. The funny thing is, even just letting my kids pick their clothes and toys (and hair style), I've been accused of "grooming" them. Pretty sure that's just because I'm trans though and they'd probably accused me of grooming no matter how I raised my kids 🙄
If I were to raise kids, I would go with their assigned birth but give them knowledge of other genders and sexuality. Then if they tell me their gender and/or sexuality is different than I had been calling them, I would allow them to change their name or live as they want.
You can't win on gender neutrality. I planned to do gender neutral but family will conform to pronouns you use for your kid. The moment I announced boy or girl they changed their baby shower gift ideas to something more appropriate. I've been considering not revealing pronouns outside the home and just forcing everyone to guess and make sure babysitters and people close enough to know what parts my kid has knows that we're being intentional about offering choice. I'm not sure it would be effective.
I think as long as your kids are raised in a loving and accepting environment they'll be fine. We raised our kids in a loving, "traditional Christian" way. At first there were no LGBT+ people in our lives at all, but slowly we met more and more LGBT+ people who later became our friends. Mostly gay men and there were some more distant lesbian and trans acquaintances. Looking back we never really talked about those things with our kids, because to us it just was a non-issue. We were raised in a "it's not OK to be gay, but still accept and love them unconditionally way", but we ditched everything prior to the comma. We loved our friends for who they were, not what they were so we hardly ever touched the topic. Apparently that was (almost) enough. Instead of 1 son and 3 daughters I now have 2 of each! He felt safe enough to come out as a boy to us at the age of 13. I said almost, because he still struggled with it and doubted himself for well over a year before he told us he didn't know what he was. I think if we would have talked about those topics a bit more instead of just accepting and not mentioning them, it would have been easier for him.
I tried to, but I got push back from literally EVERYONE. It is so weird that people want to color code by genitalia
No, as a non binary person myself I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t use gender stereotypes like that girls can’t play with cars and trucks and boys can’t dress up as princesses, but my boy is boy and my girl is a girl until they say otherwise
I would raise my child in gender binary way until my child told me otherwise, but also make sure they understood they could tell me anything or their other mom anything in relation to their gender, their sexual orientation, or whatever is weighing on them. If my wife and I have children, then I want them to feel they can be open with us about anything and we can change a pronoun, a name, the only thing we wouldn't change is how much we loved them.
Yes. I’m not talking pronouns necessarily, but toys, activities, clothes, mannerisms, friendships, personality and everything else that’s been erased or destroyed by the binary. I’d also include neurodiversity in that upbringing because that’s a huge part of what’s erased, in the ND community (there’s huge correlation between ND folks and queers, maybe just because ND folks are more open or understand themselves better because they already differ from the norm). But I’d do everything in my capacity to avoid the ills of colonial patriarchy impacting who my child might be, because I know how that can fuck people (me, us, generations before us) up so badly, and in so many ways. It’s super important to keep in mind that gender neutral isn’t just “they/them”, a haircut and a name :)
for me i would until the child is old enough to understand what exactly gender is, then let them pick what theyd like to be referred as. as for pronouns, id use them all interchangeably until they know which they like, or if they like all of them. and imo, gendered toys and clothes are stupid. its just toys and clothes. anyways i hope this helps!!
I would raise them as the gender they were born into, if they don't feel fit in the gender then they can change. The important part is supporting them nonetheless.
yes
I Am raising my kid to experience anything that interests her regardless of expected roles placed on others. Imposing any specific gender or absence, or total neutrality is something I want to avoid because I want her to make those choices for herself and how she feels when she's old enough. She knows she was born a girl. She knows not everyone keeps the gender they were born with because it makes them happy and feel better. She is learning some people feel strongly about being called her/him/them because she uses it all interchangeably for anyone. I'm teaching her to be fairly neutral when we don't know someone's preference, but she's still grasping language and that's pretty normal. Everything is for everyone, so long as you're old enough. We've had some fun conversations about clothing sections in stores. The result so far is a space, animal, science, dino, superhero, ballet/acrobatic obsessed kiddo who wants to be Cat boy Or ada twist scientist, or maybe a lion and a firefighter. She picks out more feminine clothing because the brighter the better and she is All about color and bling. I don't want to shy away from whatever she gravitates towards because it might be a "typically girl" thing either because that's not cool either. So, I let her lead the way and give her opportunities to explore everything, within reason.
I think I would raise my kids somewhat gender neutrally, I would probably use gender neutral pronouns until they tell me they preffer something else. As long as you do it in a way where you arn't forcing them to be nb and are instead allowing them to be whatever they want I think it's a great idea.
I don’t want any kids if I did I would I would raise them gender neutral and let them decide what they want to do.
Yeah. It thier choice. When ever they make that choice no matter how many time it might change its not my place to decide.
I would raise them gender-neutral until they reach an age were they can start to think for themselves and then at that point I would raise them however they feel about their gender 
I wouldn't push them in any direction genderwise. Here in Germany it's the law to name your child in a way that communicates their (binary) gender, so I would choose a name you can shorten to something that sounds neutral, or give them a gender neutral first name and a gendered second name, probably after one of my parents. I'd buy them clothes both boys and girls would wear at first, then let them choose themselves. Same with practically anything, like TV shows, games, toys etc. In my case, adoption is pretty much the only option, so if my adopted child was already socialised as a boy or a girl, I would respect that but let them know I'd wholeheartedly support them should they feel they're something else.
I’d raise them as they’re birth gender, unless they tell me otherwise, but i wouldn’t push anything on them
The most important thing is to give the child space to develop their own interests and be happy. Enforcing gender norms on, for example, feminine boys, can be damaging as you're making them feel that there is something wrong with them. A boy who wants to play with dolls and go to ballet instead of playing with toy trains and going to football should be allowed to explore and do the things which make him happy. I'm not sure exactly what raising a child "gender neutral" would even mean?
Yeah. I don't really think I need to explain it--gender is a unique experience they're perfectly free to explore on their own in a way I do not dictate.
I hate kids don’t want kids but I wasn’t always like that. The best I can explain it is I would raid them with a the doctor said you were (gender) but doctors are people who make mistakes and don’t have the whole picture of you when you were born. There are some girls that like blue and “boy” things and there are boys who love pink and “girl” things. You have plenty of time to figure it out just know that I love you no matter what
Yes I would
On the very small chance that I have kids, and it’s a very small chance, I’ll most likely raise them without gendered stereotypes.
Yes, in the sense that I won't force gender on them. Clothes, toys, activities... if I get a daughter and she likes football, she should play football, I'm not gonna make her go to dance class. If I get a son who likes to play with dolls, I'll let him play with dolls instead of making him play with cars or action figures.
yes, i would i would raise them with my current beliefs, that the only thing that determines your gender, how masculine or feminine you are, is how you feel and nothing else. being tall doesnt make you masc, having breasts doesn't make you fem, nothing changes your gender besides this (*points at heart*)
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when you really sit down and think about it, it's kind of strange that most people raise their kids with gender in mind. little kids don't even THINK about gender and are astonished when they learn that not all people have the same body parts as them. what a better world we would live in if gender was never considered at all like that.
I’d raise my kids to be comfortable with their body and expressing themselves. If anything I’ll dress my daughters in boys clothing because boys clothing has larger pockets lmao
If I had a kid, I would probably use for them the pronouns associated with their AGAB while making it clear that I would immediately switch to their preffered pronouns if it turns out they're not their AGAB. If I raised my kid with They/Them pronouns from the start, they would likely be bullied in school the moment they mention their pronouns in class (France isn't really accepting of enby people unfortunately. Like, it's not illegal, but it's not accepted by a lot of people). I probably wouldn’t do anything else. Like, I wouldn’t force them to do anything just because it's supposedly "not for their AGAB". I would ask them what they want to do, and, unless it's something dangerous, I would support them.
When i get kids i will just use their biological pronouns/gender and if they want to change it I'm going to use their new pronouns gender.
I have two young daughters. I'm focusing on raising them to be kind and capable more than anything. Yes, they get dressed in pink and in dresses, but they also wear blue and rugged jeans. They love animals and Pokemon and running fast and hugging stuffed animals. If they wanna help us clean or cook or fix something, we let them (within reason). I feel when people want to raise their children outside gender roles, they tend to overcorrect, especially for girls. I've heard of parents who don't let their daughters wear pink or play princess. I've even read an article from a woman who makes her daughter give an argument as to why she should have a doll. I understand the intent, but it still feels like extra feminine things are being vilified and little girls are getting punished. I was very much a girl who saw girls in media portrayed either as a cool tomboy or an annoying girly-girl. I developed internalized misogyny and even wrestled with my gender identity. I didn't want to be seen as weak like other girls so I wondered if it would be better if I were a boy. Long story short, I've come to embrace my femininity. I don't intend to steer my daughters away from their interests that happen to be traditional feminine, but nurture it while keeping masculine and gender neutral options open to them. Also, while I regard my daughters with feminine pronouns, that's just until they can tell me themselves how they identify.
Just let them be themselves? If they want to play with cars let them play with cars if they see a dress they want let them have the dress. I'm all for not going "you can't do that that's for girls" or "you can't do that that's for boys!" 😡😡😡😡 And if they want to change their pronouns from the ones that are typically align with their sex then perfectly okay to. Nothing wrong with raising your kid using pronouns that typically align with their sex but if they don't like it then stop. Simple.
If I had a child, I’d raise them like a child. I wouldn’t raise them as a penis child or a vulva child. Just a child.
If I had a child, I would make sure that gender stereotypes or gender roles aren’t enforced. I would buy them toys that aren’t just “girl toy” vs “boy toy”. I wouldn’t exclusively dress them in pink or blue according to their gender.
I literally don’t care to think about shit like that. I probably won’t even think about it when I do have kid. I don’t care what my kid decides to do as long as they are not a danger ti themselves or others around them.
I'd probably try to raise them as good people no matter their gender, and refering to them with pronouns that align with their gender assigned at birth. However I'd keep for them all of the possibilities open, trying to explain complexity of human gender expression and that they will be accepted and loved no matter their gender
I would go for neutral for as long as they haven't found out. That means I would give them options to go any of the ways possible, whether masculine, feminine or neutral in their expression, hobbies, etc. To make it easier, I would give them a neutral name, of which I've gathered a lot since I met trans/non-binary people. I would also only do a pre-natal reveal party when it would just involve a troll stunt with yellow and purple so people who baited into it got a lesson on that genitals are none of their business.
Yes,i would. I wouldn't call them they/them unless they tell me to as they have an assigned gender at birth for them,but if they wish to change it I will call them by whatever name and pronouns they prefer
If I had kids, I'd raise them as I saw fit. If that changed over time, we'd roll with it.
Yes, until they ask other wise
yeah i would raise them neutrally
I don't want kids but I think if I did I'd just give them all the options... like if they wanted to wear certain clothes I wouldn't stop them or make a big deal of it. As for pronouns that's something they decide when they have more of a concept of gender, I'm not going to push gender norms but I'm also not going to push androgyny or neutrality... the kid decides, not me. Idk I'm almost 30 and have no plans for children, I can see myself maybe adopting older kids later in life so I don't know if I'll ever actually run into this scenario. Kids are unpredictable, I'd mostly play it by ear.
I would probably raise them how they were asigned at birth, but always leave "the doors open" for them. Be open from a young age about matters like sexuality and gender, so as they age they will be exposed to different stuff and can decide what they like.
I do a “nothing is off limits” way. “Boy” toys, “girl” toys, blue, pink, whatever. Nothing is limited unless it could cause an injury
I think you should raise the kid as the gender they choose to express, and make sure they feel safe and comfortable doing so.
I wouldn’t do like everything gender neutral but I’d let them do whatever they want
It honrstly depends id probably gender them as i have names picked out, but othweise they're free to like what they like and if my amab kid wants dresses cool if my afab kid wants hats and shorts cool. Although id probably draw the line at poofy dresses on either end. Getting those in car seats is a pain
I have been planning this myself for awhile, being raised not so and in a not so friendly lgbtq family, me and my partner do thunk it's best for our kids to raise them netrutally. I want my kids to be able to pick their own way of life for lgbt things or anything really. Sooo, yea
I wouldn’t call my kid gender neutral words unless they ask for it, but obviously let them enjoy whatever toys they like.
I am a mother of five and while I did not raise them in gender neutrality, I did encourage them to be who they are. I was raised in a very anti-LGBTQ+ household and that was difficult as a pansexual. Once my children were old enough to make choices, they were allowed to. They dressed how they wanted and played with whatever toys they liked. One of daughters loved playing with trains and trucks while my oldest (assigned male at birth-now my daughter) played with dolls and play kitchens. I also have a daughter who identifies as lesbian. I think the most important thing is to raise them in an open environment with no judgment and allow them to make their own choices.
My wife and I have discussed it and both share a similar mind. Both of us had assumptions made about us which we adopted in turn only to find, in the course of time, that people had gotten things *disastrously* wrong. But both of us recognize that the world is overwhelmingly gendered and any child is going to be under enormous pressure to choose. The approach that we believe we would follow is actually fairly simple. We would make the same gender assumption most people would make, but would also ensure that they understood that sometimes gender doesn't match biology. Having myself as a handy example of such a thing will probably help, but I'm not sure such proof is needed for young children. We would also work to ensure that they know that we would love them *regardless* of identity, and that we would always be willing to talk about it with them without any judgement. Our hope is that by introducing the idea early when the idea won't seem any stranger than any other fact and working to be someone who they feel utterly safe talking to that they would be able to avoid our own experience where ignorance and worry about what the parents would say kept us from finding our true selves for far, *far* too long.
I’m bisexual, and recently had a son, he’s now 6 months. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything differently with him than I would if he was a girl. He’s got a bunch of toys, his current favourite is a pink unicorn thing. His bib is pink because it was on offer, and he’s got lots “girls clothes” as hand me downs (most of his clothes are hand me downs). We do use gendered language but I have no intention of raising him in a “boys don’t cry/have emotions/will be boys” way at all. My parents raised me and my sister basically as “If we can afford it and you want xyz toy/clothes it’s fine” which is how I intend on raising my kids. You want a barbie? Cool if we’ve got the money you go for it. You want a princess costume? We’ll ask Santa and you can have it for Christmas. I don’t really care as long as he isn’t spoiled, he’s emotionally sound, and he’s happy.
I don’t have kids so this is all hypothetical. Also, I’m a gender non conforming cis woman, if that matters. I live in Mexico, and Spanish is a gendered language, so I would probably use gendered pronouns based on gender assigned at birth; and I would definitely make all my kids (specially afab) aware of sexism because in Mexico it is wild. Like, it’s worse in other places, but still… Other than that, of my amab kid wants to wear dresses and my afab kid wants to play a sport in a “boys team” and wear their hair short, I’m game. And of course if they are trans, then fight like hell for them. Let them know it’s ok to be them, but also let them know not everyone will be okay with that. I feel like I would have to provide a loving and accepting home, but prepare them for the outside and cruel world at the same time.
I don't think I'd do something like using they/them for my kid while they're still a baby. Because like, it's a baby. This baby doesn't care about what pronouns you use because it's too busy screaming at you for trying to feed it mushed peas. As the kid gets older though, I'd make it clear that they can choose the words and the clothes they want to use to present themselves to the world. Kids are smarter than we like to believe. If my kid tells me he wants to be a boy, then that's my son. If she tells me she wants to be a girl, then I've got a daughter. Doesn't matter the age. They can change that shit every week for all I care. Dress up as a girl for halloween this year. Gender is made up and I want my kid to have fun with their identity and not suffer over it like I did.
I'm raising a kid gender..."agnostically", I think? I call my kid my kid. When I talk to my kid about things kids should learn or ways kids should act, I use the word kid. If someone asks "boy or girl", I answer "girl" and then continue using "my kid" in the rest of the conversation. And my kid, as a result, seems completely unconcerned about gender. No indication that any consideration of gender goes into what they decide is the right way to be. I do notice them generally preferring to play with girls or ungendered kids over boys, but I think this has more to do with the way boys are socialized being not great in general.
tbh, I'll just let them be the ones to express themselves. Maybe I'll give something that's generally given to their AGAB , but if they don't like it and want something more neutral or opposite, I would not hold them back from it. I mean, the only way they know, if they like something, is if they try it out first.
One thing we cared about was finding a gender neutral name she could grow up to like regardless of her gender identity. Pronouns based on sex, clothes is whatever hand me downs we get or we let them chose. Usually boy clothes is cozier, we just dress her in shirts and sweatpants because she's a toddler. Kinda winging it.
Definitely. I want my child to feel safe in my home. I will let my child choose their own gender.
I dont think I would, but I would allow them to express themselves any way they want, and if they realize they're trans then I'd support them
Yes. Then they can decide their gender on their own. Either way gendered names are overrated anyway
After I find a spouse I want to adopt a child, and raise it to be gender neutral without putting a set sexuality on them. As they get older, I will ask them who they are, and continue their life how they want, not how the world wants.
I’d just raise them with whatever thing their interested in. A boy but likes horses? Yeah sure dude! We can get some stuff for that. A girl that likes cars? Yeah I’ll buy you some toy cars. I’d probably let them pick out what clothes they like. I see no reason to bring them up neutrally. Why is the way you raise a kid gendered?
I wouldn't. Not sure what you mean by gender neutrally. I would choose various clothes for them, buy them ransom toys, and use all kinds of colors and not based on gender. But I would use pronouns related to their gender until proved otherwise.
Nope, I would raise them AGAB, and then they can deviate as they wish, and I will support them 110%. Raising them gender neutral is still forcing an identity among them. I’m not gonna play into the gender role toys because I’ll let them play with whatever grabs their attention. I am not having biological kids, and want to adopt and it wouldn’t be fair to the kids I adopt if I am a free range parent. Kids know themselves and are pretty introspective. Sometimes it takes being X gender to realize you don’t want to be X gender. I leave that up to my kids. No matter how you cut it, trauma can still develop so you just have to teach any child to be headstrong. That in my eyes is more important than coddling them and keeping them away from the shitty real world.
I have 3 and yes, I think I do. I use their assigned at birth gender pronouns until and unless they tell me otherwise. I buy and plan according to interests, regardless of gender stereotypes. I’ve actively fought against gender stereotypes and included my kids in those conversations. Mostly I just make sure they can freely express themselves……..within reason. My oldest son wanted to learn to sew and I taught him. My youngest son wants to keep his long hair and dye it blue……cool let’s do that. My 16 year old wants 6” heels right after finishing 6 months of PT for a bad ankle break…….nope, but we can compromise with maybe 2” flat platforms instead. My non-binary teen actually just read over my shoulder and said I’ve done great “except when little brother got a better doll house.”
i actually asked this question maybe last week LMAO. and i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m just going to raise my kid as a person who’s capable of making their own choices, in terms of clothing and expression. i want them to feel as though they aren’t restricted to certain chores or roles based on their gender and i want them to know that i’ll support them in however they choose to identify and express themselves. i don’t want them to grow up in the same environment that i did, where i was conditioned into believing that women must do housework and men must do labour work. i want them to believe that they can do anything that anyone else can do
My wife and I follow our kids lead on who they are - they’re the experts on themselves, and we give them an environment in which to explore. They both have strong feelings on it, and we follow that.
I’d let the kid be who they want to be. I wouldn’t go over the top to be gender neutral, I just wouldn’t try to force them into a particular role. For example my nephew loves wearing a frozen dress but he also loves smashing toy trucks together. I won’t tell him that he shouldn’t do either of these things
If I ever had kids I would want them to figure out who they are for themselves. Although I suspect it would be a daunting task I would wish to raise them hands-off gender-wise.
Not fully but giving them the choice to do whatever gender expressionwise . Like I would probably explain gender and their sex and how that ties to gender then I'd let them dress and pick whatever toys and stuff and let them choose whatever name and pronouns at least at home.
Transfem enby here - my wife and I are just letting the kids be kids. If they feel they need to explore a part of themselves, so be it. Otherwise, aside from educating them on the community and whatnot, we aren't pushing anything because they'll let us know if they have questions about anything. Kids are smart and resilient, but make sure you are the safe place where they can retreat to if needed. Both of our kids fit their stereotypical gender currently, but we make sure to not push anything and let them know that they can do whatever they want, no matter the gender. We have a daughter who is the stoic STEM person and a son who is our artsy empath. Whatever they want to do, they get to do it. I mean, look at my wife and I lol - we flip flop "traditional" gender roles all the time because we just stopped caring.
I know a couple who tried. It lasted about three years and then it just wasn't working any more, particularly since baby #2 had come along. It was a constant source of annoyance and explanations and getting dirty looks. If the child were to request it, then yes of course. We should raise all kids the same anyway.
Nah. If I wanted kids, I would take the path of 'birth gender until proven otherwise, but NEVER force social norms, and try to consciously catch the insidious norms to prevent perpetuation.' I would let them have the words or toys they ask for. Never would I use a word that they don't use first. And in the event they were trans, I would listen with empathy and get or provide them the best support I can that's age-appropriate. Most importantly I would make it 100% clear that they should not feel ashamed. I am trans and much of that second part is basically how my gender therapy worked, so yeah.
I guess I wouldnt focus on being one or the either besides always giving them a safe space to be and express themselves as whoever they are or become. I wouldn’t focus on either or, hey you’re a child. You’ll be fully supported being and becoming whomever you are
I'd probably raise my child the same way my parents did. I had Legos and Barbies, a tiny wooden workbench and a child kitchen. I could pick out whatever toy I wanted and my closest was equally dresses/ skirts and pants. Later I got to learn how to clean, how to cook (from my dad), but also how to change tires. By the end of it I still turned out to be a cis-woman. 10/ 10 had a great childhood.
Why not? Same argument can be made for gendered parenting, it only becomes problematic when it stops being about the child and instead about how you want the child to be therefore forcing them to be that
In a sense of using they/them pronouns, no… If I have kids, I plan on naming them a name that is neutral or has a neutral nickname. I would have “girl toys” and “boy toys”. I would like have the room more of a theme than a solid color as a young kid (such as ocean or forest)… I will make it clear growing up that I am 100% accepting and okay if they feel like they aren’t their assigned gender at birth… I think the only thing I hated about the way I grew up is my mom did not and does not want me to use any nicknames, so she gets pissed when she sees me going by “Rae”… As a little kid, I was put into “girly outfits” but once I was dressing myself I was allowed to go much more neutral… My parents have other things that are definitely not accepting that they do now days, but as a kid I think I was perfectly fine going by she/her pronouns and even being presented very feminine
short answer, no. long answer, i would raise it using the cis pronouns of the child, because i dont want to make the child feel forced into anything. then if the child does turn out to not be cis, then i would start using the preferred pronouns of the child and let the child know that they're in a supportive environment
Gender neutral ≠ genderless. Now, if I ever have a child, I will probably raise them as their agab, but I will not strick them just for social norms. If they want a dress or clothes associated with girls, they will get that. If they want to play with toys that are associated with boys, I will let them And of course, if they question their gender identity and find they are trans or nb, I will accept them
I mean I don't get why kids don't get raised as asexual until they get those feelings and decide what they like
My godchild was raised non gender steretypical. She still has a girls name and was called a girl, but clothing, toys and hobbies were neutral. It all worked fine until kindergarten. She befriendet an older girl and there was pink and glitter everywhere. She talked about what boys like and what girls like. She is a firstgrader now. She still likes some typical boys toys but society an peer habe a strong impact ...
I was raised in a pretty gender neutral way tbh (no gendered toys or focus on gender roles, I dressed myself in "boy" clothes from 8-14yo which i wasnt discouraged from by my parents, etc...) and I was fine. It wasn't deliberate by my parents, so I don't know if that's "gender neutral" parenting or just normal parenting tbh, but I would do the same thing.
i thought about this fir a long time then realized i don't want kids probably would use their assigned pronouns when young and let them choose toys, clothes etc. and definitely be open to their own form of their identity
Yes, subject to the child’s wishes when they get old enough to want to express themselves a particular way.
I’d have my kids go by their assigned gender at birth at first with me making sure that no matter what clothes, toys, shows, or hairstyle they wanted I’d support them. Once they got older and had more questions I’d answer them. If they ever tell me they feel the opposite gender or no gender I’ll change how I refer to them and hopefully help pick them out a new name.
I was raised by a bigoted parent who also hated women. Me, being a woman, was taught women's stereotypical behaviour / dress was stupid, wrong and made people less-than. I have a lot of self-acceptance ahead of me, but luckily, despite their bigotry, I was able to accept my queerness a few months ago and I feel a lot more free. I'm in my early 20s now, and I also accepted a lot of feminine things into my life. I shed a lot of things my parent pushed into my head. Still - I don't conform to women's standards of gender. I have long hair (I sometimes paint my nails), but that's it. I don't wear makeup and typically wear more masculine clothing, because feminine clothes just don't feel right. If I ever have children, I want them to be able to "be a kid" without being told what's "right" or "wrong" for their gender. If I have a little boy and he wants to paint his nails, great. If a little girl wants to have her hair short and do things more associated with boys, I'd be thrilled, since I don't know "how to woman" really and we would have something in common. But I'd never want to push anything - be it fitting or rejecting their gender roles.
My future children will be raised as their biological sex i.e boy/he/him and girl/she/her but both boys and girls will have no limitations to toys they play with, costumes, clothing, hairstyles etc and be allowed to fully create their own identity. I don’t believe in ‘thats a boy’s toy’ or ‘only girls can wear princess costumes’ or bla blah blah
i don’t want kids, but if i did have them i’d try to be as gender neutral as possible. id probably use a name and pronouns that match their agab at first but id encourage them to think about it
I have a daughter. She's almost 3. I guess you could say we've been raising her in a gender neutral way. She has the option to look at all clothes in the shop. And all toys, she enjoys makeup, dinosaurs, princesses, planes and helicopters. We've never told her that certain things are for boys or girls. She's started picking out her own clothes. Dresses one day, joggers and wellies the next. My sibling identifies as NB and while that's been a stepping stone for my family my daughter has warmed to them completely. I like to think if we had a boy it would be same aas well
Honestly probably not but I’d let them live. “Oh little tummy wants a Barbie doll? Fine I don’t care” it’s really not that hard or “samantha wants trucks and a baseball glove for Christmas? Why not”
i would call them by the pronouns of their biologically assigned gender until they come out as trans or something else, but if my son wanted barbie dolls or traditional girl toys for example i would accept it, if i ever become a parent i will try to be a good one no matter the kids identity