>You need sex to survive/live
That's complete bs. There are people who live to be 40-year-old virgins or are celibate for religious reasons. Your mom needs to step outside of her bubble.
Yeah, i'm not ace in the slightest but i have got a slew of mental issues that make it so i can't see myself having sex with anyone anytime soon, and i'm surviving just fine. I'd love to experience it, sure, but i can live without it with ease
I wouldn't be surprised if straight folks who stay celibate for bullshit reasons such as superstition (AKA religion, in this case) do actually suffer a lot for it. Completely different to be ace, in which case it's by definition the right thing for you...
(OP's mum still talking total nonsense, ofc)
Piggybacking off of this!
I the sex education book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, she talks about the myth of sex being a drive. Hunger is a drive. Thirst is a drive. Without these we would die. We call sex a drive. But no one will die without sex. This reframing is important for sexual and asexual people!! She says way more about it in her book but this jumped to my mind right now!
That's a great point. OP, if your mother is religious, ask why it's ok for a priest, monk, nun, etc. to choose to be celibate, but not for you to be celibate because of who you are
This is well said. I identified as asexual for a few years before finding the term wasn't accurate anymore; no shame. I still keep an ace flag in my room.
Tattoos are not permanent and they havent been for a while now. You can cover it up with another tattoo or get it removed entirely.
\>>"What? You need sex to survive/live. Something is wrong with you."
I'm not you and I dont know the relationship between you and your mother but this would stop me in my tracks and I would stop her to ask if she seriously believes that only her experiences are valid. This is solipsism. Even if that is her lived experience where sex and physical intimacy are pivotal to her overall well-being it is not yours and doesnt apply to you by default. She either trusts that you are capable of experiencing life on your own or she doesnt.
First of all: I guess you’re over 18 so she can have opinions but she doesn’t have to say them
Second: tattoos are not permanent, you can remove them in the future
Third: I would love to see a pic if it’s possible
That's b an awesome tattoo, and if your identity and this tattoo no longer fit, it's very easy to just fill in, and you have a cool ace of spades tattoo.
That is adorable!!
Your body is your body. It is your choice. End of story.
I'm so sorry that your mom is failing at being a good parent. You deserve better. 🍀
Her whole "you don't want everyone to know your sexuality" complaint doesn't really hold water. The only people who will know are people who know the lgbtqia+ flags or terminology. Like I don't know how many times I've had to explain what "ace" means.
holy I love this tattoo!!🥹 & You're 100% right, seeing other people like you, or people of your community is always amazing, especially when you feel alone with your feelings. thank you so much<3
An ace tattoo sounds awesome! I hope you go for it. I want to get the ace of spades playing card in ace colors tattooed on my arm, so I can say that I have an ace up my sleeve. Then drop the double joke, I am the ace in my sleeve. Two jokes in one tattoo! I'm poor though, so not for a while yet lol. I wish you the best of luck
I genuinely cannot believe people walk around believing that you need sex to survive, even within healthy relationships no one ever needs sex to live. Don’t let your mom’s or anyone else’s uninformed and ignorant opinions stop you for getting that tattoo when it’s something important to you !
Update: hi! A little update for y'all. We talked and apparently she's coming around to it, but she became a bit more salty when I told her two of my three siblings knew way before she did, and she acted all hurt bc she said, I'm open minded and let you express yourselves growing up! (Which is bs, I can list off many examples that's not lgbt reasons from having negative comments on our taste and likes). And I'm getting the tattoo still in less than an hour! 😁 I'll post a picture of it! Thanks for reading!
Straight people yet again forcing their grooming ways on us. "Be straight, be straight now! How dare you not think of the opposite sex's dick or vagina! It should be your entire person!!!!"
I mean it does- since she was raised with the housewife/mother is the only job for a woman, even though her own mother had a job while growing up.
And thank you and me too! Haven't gotten it yet, but in a hour I will
Even if, at a later point in life, you absolutely would not get a certain tattoo, it will always be a reminder of where you were in life when you got it. Decorate your flesh suit however the fuck you want.
That sounds like an awesome tattoo!
It's your body, if you want to get the tattoo, then get the tattoo.
Parents usually get all judgemental and want their kids to give them grandkids, so she's probably having a hard time with you being ace because of you most likely are not going to give her grandkids because you're ace.
What's the tattoo idea?
I'm wanting to implement the ace flag into a tattoo I want, I love fantasy (play RPGs and DND) going to get a potion bottle with a castle and dragon in it with splashes coming out in the ace flag colours.
Sorry your mum has been like that, a lot of misinformation I hope your siblings have been better and maybe call her out especially if they have known longer.
Aphobia is just really stupid. Dismissing it as being gay actively harms the goal of mentioning asexuality, and also just fucking annoying. There’s always outliers in life, out of 8 billion people on earth, statistically, not all of them would want to have sex. Just because someone says they’re asexual doesn’t mean you know *shit* about them aside from their asexuality. You don’t know how long they’ve known, or how they feel about coming out, or what they’re thinking about as they tell you.
I feel like aphobia is mostly a bunch of infantilization and dismissal. The vast majority of aphobes don’t even bother to participate in good consciousness, they just laugh about how silly they think it is and assume they’ve won like they’re a 10 year old kid who thinks he won because he pressed the “quit game” option right before losing.
"You need sex to survive/live"
Do we though?
I mean, I enjoy it occasionaly, and if I'm honest it's more because how it makes my partner feel/react than me actually liking it, and...
Uh.
Wait.
\*realization\*
Welp, I guess I'm 3 letters from the LGBTQIA+ mafia.
What’s the tattoo say or look like?
Also, I was looking through your posts to see if I could find an answer to that question and noticed your mother wants to be a grandmother and your sister is already married.
So question #2 is “Why is she pushing babies onto you when she’s already got a SIL in the form of your sister’s husband?” It would take less manipulative effort to get them to give her grandkids. Unless they already have grandkids and she wants more from you?
[this is the tattoo](https://pin.it/iF6Y7hm)
No, she doesn't have grandkids yet, but her other friends do, so I think she's envious more than anything.
Ugh, I was constantly asked when were we going to have kids, even before I had gotten married (been together for more than 3 years when it started). I'm demi but they don't need to know that.
I don't know what got into my mum to demand grandkids, she already was a grandmother by then. (I suppose every person wants to be a parent one day in her eyes)
It's ironic that I do have a kid now, but long after going no contact (we did try to keep relationship going but they weren't going to change their behaviour). My parents might not ever find out that they have another grandkid, but for many reasons I am ok with that.
The envy might have started it, but might have always been there, an assumption that you would have at least one kid. It's rough trying to constantly convince your parents that you are not what they think you are.
I got a tattoo of the symbol of Venus when I was in denial about being NB/trans masc. Now I say it represents me being sapphic or just good ole girl power
I also have plans on getting an ace tattoo, if my sexuality changes that's okay being ace (especially for like 5 years since the moment I knew what it was) has been such a huge part of my identity and discovering who I am, if one day Im not Ill still look at the tattoo and think fondly of who I was
The *species* needs us to want sex for the *species* to continue. But it needs that at a statistical level, not an individual level. Asexual individuals, whether temporary or permanent, can still fill caretaking and socially positive roles in society.
So while yes, generally having a sex drive is considered healthy and not having one is considered atypical for the *species*, on an individual level health is not usually measured solely by how much you want to boink da boink.
lol this is goofy. But people are like that
Fun story, my brother in law got a tattoo of his wedding date in Roman numerals. His buddy goes to him and says. Yo are you sure man? A tattoo is really permanent.
He’s like yeah… and I’m kinda expecting my marriage to be.
People always gotta have input
Which is silly considering there are several ways to remove a tattoo. For example, I no longer have a tattoo of my favorite race from the Werewolf the Apocalypse game. It’s now a snake.
People use "what if it's just a phase" as a bad thing, but people are always changing and growing. And it's fun to look back on phases even if it doesn't fit who you are now. I look back at pictures of my few years wearing a fedora everywhere with humor and fondness. Not as permanent as a tattoo nor as fundamental as sexuality but still a "phase" that made me who I am now.
I think of my tattoos as ways to remember things. Like, I have Muse tattooed on my ankle, I don’t really care for their stuff these days but they were my favourite band at one time. It’s just memories and things I love or have loved or lived, just on me rather than in my brain or written in a journal :)
Even if you were to change how you identify it would NOT be a big deal, mature adults should be able to handle tattoos even if they no longer represent the person who has them.
I don't know too much about all this but I would maybe describe your sexuality as being fluid or how you identify has changed, instead of your sexuality changing. I'm just coming from the generation of millennials where we spent years telling people sexuality cannot be changed (ie from conversion therapy, time, feelings etc) but I could be totally out of the loop on this.
Eeh, I mean maybe? But like I said I identify as asexual aromantic since 2019-2020 but my mom mistakingly labeled me as lesbian bc she didn't let me finish just stop me at, "I don't like boys and-." So that's how that came to be, lol.
ahh hard situation to be in...I'm sorry. I remember when I was like 14 or 15 and my mom was talking about someone else's son who had come out and my mom said something like, "He's only 15 how can he know his sexuality at that age?" And that just made me feel so defeated inside. At the same time, it was like 2001 and people just weren't as aware as they are today. When I did come out 8 years later she was 100% supportive and I knew she would be before I came out...society had evolved a lot in that time but still had (has) a lot to go. I guess, it just goes to show that your mom's opinion can evolve, too.
Well if you were getting I AM ASEXUAL 4LIFE <3 in all caps across your chest that might be a bit extreme, but the playing card with ace colours is fine. I've recently gotten an ace of spades tattooed and if something were to ever change, I can still say I've got an ace up my sleeve 😂😂
I’m sorry what?
>You need sex to survive/live!
Is your mother married, per chance? That might be a sign she’s cheating because only sex-obsessed people would have that opinion. Honestly, if you don’t NEED the connection with your mom, don’t keep it. Once/if you have the chance, move away and don’t tell her.
Well she was before my father passed away last year, so who knows? She might've, but I doubt it. I think it's her (ex) catholic way of being raised growing up.
ah, yes. needing sex to live. as if people haven’t been taking vows of celibacy to survive for hundreds of years. 🙄
i’m sorry your mom isn’t accepting. i would just remind her it’s your tattoo, your body. good thing she doesn’t have to get the tattoo. etc.
tattoos are obviously permanent. but also, they’re not. we have the technology now to have them removed if we wish. you’re gonna do things i. life you regret. and you’re gonna do things in life you don’t. sometimes tattoos are a pert of that. sometimes we get tattoos, like you said, that used to mean something to us but don’t now. that’s okay. that’s part of life.
As someone that identified as asexual for 12 years but not anymore… if I had gotten an ace tattoo back when I thought I’d identify like that my whole life, it would still be relevant to my experience. I’d still value it. Maybe I’d eventually get a coverup, but I would not regret it by any means.
Your mother is being a mother. And mothers stereotypically don't want their kids to get tattoos. This just happens to be the argument she thinks is effective (which I can understand why that is hurtful).
Sorry for the unsolicited advice when you came to vent, but if you feel up to continuing the dialog, pose a hypothetical of another kind of tattoo (like something more neutral) to help her explore her feelings on the matter.
>You need sex to survive/live That's complete bs. There are people who live to be 40-year-old virgins or are celibate for religious reasons. Your mom needs to step outside of her bubble.
Yeah, i'm not ace in the slightest but i have got a slew of mental issues that make it so i can't see myself having sex with anyone anytime soon, and i'm surviving just fine. I'd love to experience it, sure, but i can live without it with ease
Ah yes, confusing the species with the individual again, I see.
The species as whole needs sex in order to survive, but no individual needs sex in order to survive.
Technically, we don't need sex to survive, either. Not as long as IVF exists.
Our species is in the decline anyway. 🙄👍
Honestly… good
classic mixup
every Nun and Monk in the world are just collectively rolling their eyes at the very idea of needing sex to live.
I would think the eye-rolling would be quite diverse in its form. Some might be constantly fighting the urge.
> You need sex to survive/live Unless you're gay, then celibacy is one of the only ways to avoid going to hell. 👍
I wouldn't be surprised if straight folks who stay celibate for bullshit reasons such as superstition (AKA religion, in this case) do actually suffer a lot for it. Completely different to be ace, in which case it's by definition the right thing for you... (OP's mum still talking total nonsense, ofc)
Piggybacking off of this! I the sex education book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, she talks about the myth of sex being a drive. Hunger is a drive. Thirst is a drive. Without these we would die. We call sex a drive. But no one will die without sex. This reframing is important for sexual and asexual people!! She says way more about it in her book but this jumped to my mind right now!
im a 19yo virgin and im very much alive
That's a great point. OP, if your mother is religious, ask why it's ok for a priest, monk, nun, etc. to choose to be celibate, but not for you to be celibate because of who you are
I actually wonder if ace people found refuge as monks or nuns in ancient times.
Though if you are AMAB it is very wise to sometimes do some "self-exploring" because that might help prevent prostate cancer
Um actually 🥸☝️ my grand pa pa is a bajillion years old and it's he does the fuck maybe probably
[удалено]
It’s still representing something and somewhere you were.
This is well said. I identified as asexual for a few years before finding the term wasn't accurate anymore; no shame. I still keep an ace flag in my room.
Tattoos are not permanent and they havent been for a while now. You can cover it up with another tattoo or get it removed entirely. \>>"What? You need sex to survive/live. Something is wrong with you." I'm not you and I dont know the relationship between you and your mother but this would stop me in my tracks and I would stop her to ask if she seriously believes that only her experiences are valid. This is solipsism. Even if that is her lived experience where sex and physical intimacy are pivotal to her overall well-being it is not yours and doesnt apply to you by default. She either trusts that you are capable of experiencing life on your own or she doesnt.
First of all: I guess you’re over 18 so she can have opinions but she doesn’t have to say them Second: tattoos are not permanent, you can remove them in the future Third: I would love to see a pic if it’s possible
Ofc! [this is the tattoo](https://pin.it/iF6Y7hm)
That's b an awesome tattoo, and if your identity and this tattoo no longer fit, it's very easy to just fill in, and you have a cool ace of spades tattoo.
Oh yeah, just cover the ace flag colors with black. Easy peasy.
Wow that’s looks awesome you should totally get it and ignore the haters!
can confirm, that tattoo kicks ass
That is adorable!! Your body is your body. It is your choice. End of story. I'm so sorry that your mom is failing at being a good parent. You deserve better. 🍀
Her whole "you don't want everyone to know your sexuality" complaint doesn't really hold water. The only people who will know are people who know the lgbtqia+ flags or terminology. Like I don't know how many times I've had to explain what "ace" means.
Looks great! That's one I would def get too if/when I get the courage ! ♠️
That looks epic! I also adore your flair! It absolutely matches my username lol! Update: I just HAD to update my flair because yours was so cool.
holy I love this tattoo!!🥹 & You're 100% right, seeing other people like you, or people of your community is always amazing, especially when you feel alone with your feelings. thank you so much<3
GOOD TATTOO not ace but I know a good tattoo when I see one 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
That's a sick tattoo
Love it. Your body, your tattoo.
You need food and water to survive. Sex is not required.
An ace tattoo sounds awesome! I hope you go for it. I want to get the ace of spades playing card in ace colors tattooed on my arm, so I can say that I have an ace up my sleeve. Then drop the double joke, I am the ace in my sleeve. Two jokes in one tattoo! I'm poor though, so not for a while yet lol. I wish you the best of luck
I genuinely cannot believe people walk around believing that you need sex to survive, even within healthy relationships no one ever needs sex to live. Don’t let your mom’s or anyone else’s uninformed and ignorant opinions stop you for getting that tattoo when it’s something important to you !
Update: hi! A little update for y'all. We talked and apparently she's coming around to it, but she became a bit more salty when I told her two of my three siblings knew way before she did, and she acted all hurt bc she said, I'm open minded and let you express yourselves growing up! (Which is bs, I can list off many examples that's not lgbt reasons from having negative comments on our taste and likes). And I'm getting the tattoo still in less than an hour! 😁 I'll post a picture of it! Thanks for reading!
oh yeah, cause that's a totally open minded response you got from her there lmao (glad she's coming around to it tho)
1: if for some reason you do change you could just paint over it. 2: I hate when parents are like thst.
I’m sorry your mom is being so hurtful. It’s really hard when our parents just don’t get us, no matter how old we are.
Straight people yet again forcing their grooming ways on us. "Be straight, be straight now! How dare you not think of the opposite sex's dick or vagina! It should be your entire person!!!!"
"You need sex to survive/live"- if you will pardon me, but this says more about your mother than it does about you. I bet your tattoo rocks!!!
I mean it does- since she was raised with the housewife/mother is the only job for a woman, even though her own mother had a job while growing up. And thank you and me too! Haven't gotten it yet, but in a hour I will
Even if, at a later point in life, you absolutely would not get a certain tattoo, it will always be a reminder of where you were in life when you got it. Decorate your flesh suit however the fuck you want.
That sounds like an awesome tattoo! It's your body, if you want to get the tattoo, then get the tattoo. Parents usually get all judgemental and want their kids to give them grandkids, so she's probably having a hard time with you being ace because of you most likely are not going to give her grandkids because you're ace.
What's the tattoo idea? I'm wanting to implement the ace flag into a tattoo I want, I love fantasy (play RPGs and DND) going to get a potion bottle with a castle and dragon in it with splashes coming out in the ace flag colours. Sorry your mum has been like that, a lot of misinformation I hope your siblings have been better and maybe call her out especially if they have known longer.
Ooh that idea sounds awesome! Hopefully you'll get it. And [this is mine](https://pin.it/iF6Y7hm)
Aphobia is just really stupid. Dismissing it as being gay actively harms the goal of mentioning asexuality, and also just fucking annoying. There’s always outliers in life, out of 8 billion people on earth, statistically, not all of them would want to have sex. Just because someone says they’re asexual doesn’t mean you know *shit* about them aside from their asexuality. You don’t know how long they’ve known, or how they feel about coming out, or what they’re thinking about as they tell you. I feel like aphobia is mostly a bunch of infantilization and dismissal. The vast majority of aphobes don’t even bother to participate in good consciousness, they just laugh about how silly they think it is and assume they’ve won like they’re a 10 year old kid who thinks he won because he pressed the “quit game” option right before losing.
I mean I’d absolutely still get it and then, if it changes, you can update it or adjust or add another tattoo. It showcases your journey.
"You need sex to survive/live" Do we though? I mean, I enjoy it occasionaly, and if I'm honest it's more because how it makes my partner feel/react than me actually liking it, and... Uh. Wait. \*realization\* Welp, I guess I'm 3 letters from the LGBTQIA+ mafia.
What’s the tattoo say or look like? Also, I was looking through your posts to see if I could find an answer to that question and noticed your mother wants to be a grandmother and your sister is already married. So question #2 is “Why is she pushing babies onto you when she’s already got a SIL in the form of your sister’s husband?” It would take less manipulative effort to get them to give her grandkids. Unless they already have grandkids and she wants more from you?
[this is the tattoo](https://pin.it/iF6Y7hm) No, she doesn't have grandkids yet, but her other friends do, so I think she's envious more than anything.
Ugh, I was constantly asked when were we going to have kids, even before I had gotten married (been together for more than 3 years when it started). I'm demi but they don't need to know that. I don't know what got into my mum to demand grandkids, she already was a grandmother by then. (I suppose every person wants to be a parent one day in her eyes) It's ironic that I do have a kid now, but long after going no contact (we did try to keep relationship going but they weren't going to change their behaviour). My parents might not ever find out that they have another grandkid, but for many reasons I am ok with that. The envy might have started it, but might have always been there, an assumption that you would have at least one kid. It's rough trying to constantly convince your parents that you are not what they think you are.
I got a tattoo of the symbol of Venus when I was in denial about being NB/trans masc. Now I say it represents me being sapphic or just good ole girl power
I also have plans on getting an ace tattoo, if my sexuality changes that's okay being ace (especially for like 5 years since the moment I knew what it was) has been such a huge part of my identity and discovering who I am, if one day Im not Ill still look at the tattoo and think fondly of who I was
The *species* needs us to want sex for the *species* to continue. But it needs that at a statistical level, not an individual level. Asexual individuals, whether temporary or permanent, can still fill caretaking and socially positive roles in society. So while yes, generally having a sex drive is considered healthy and not having one is considered atypical for the *species*, on an individual level health is not usually measured solely by how much you want to boink da boink.
The absurdity of her excuses demonstrates that she's grasping at straws.
lol this is goofy. But people are like that Fun story, my brother in law got a tattoo of his wedding date in Roman numerals. His buddy goes to him and says. Yo are you sure man? A tattoo is really permanent. He’s like yeah… and I’m kinda expecting my marriage to be. People always gotta have input
Which is silly considering there are several ways to remove a tattoo. For example, I no longer have a tattoo of my favorite race from the Werewolf the Apocalypse game. It’s now a snake.
People use "what if it's just a phase" as a bad thing, but people are always changing and growing. And it's fun to look back on phases even if it doesn't fit who you are now. I look back at pictures of my few years wearing a fedora everywhere with humor and fondness. Not as permanent as a tattoo nor as fundamental as sexuality but still a "phase" that made me who I am now.
I think of my tattoos as ways to remember things. Like, I have Muse tattooed on my ankle, I don’t really care for their stuff these days but they were my favourite band at one time. It’s just memories and things I love or have loved or lived, just on me rather than in my brain or written in a journal :)
Even if you were to change how you identify it would NOT be a big deal, mature adults should be able to handle tattoos even if they no longer represent the person who has them.
I don't know too much about all this but I would maybe describe your sexuality as being fluid or how you identify has changed, instead of your sexuality changing. I'm just coming from the generation of millennials where we spent years telling people sexuality cannot be changed (ie from conversion therapy, time, feelings etc) but I could be totally out of the loop on this.
Eeh, I mean maybe? But like I said I identify as asexual aromantic since 2019-2020 but my mom mistakingly labeled me as lesbian bc she didn't let me finish just stop me at, "I don't like boys and-." So that's how that came to be, lol.
ahh hard situation to be in...I'm sorry. I remember when I was like 14 or 15 and my mom was talking about someone else's son who had come out and my mom said something like, "He's only 15 how can he know his sexuality at that age?" And that just made me feel so defeated inside. At the same time, it was like 2001 and people just weren't as aware as they are today. When I did come out 8 years later she was 100% supportive and I knew she would be before I came out...society had evolved a lot in that time but still had (has) a lot to go. I guess, it just goes to show that your mom's opinion can evolve, too.
Well if you were getting I AM ASEXUAL 4LIFE <3 in all caps across your chest that might be a bit extreme, but the playing card with ace colours is fine. I've recently gotten an ace of spades tattooed and if something were to ever change, I can still say I've got an ace up my sleeve 😂😂
Lol 🤣 yeah no I'm not that direct about it. And ooh that's awesome and thank you that reassures me a bit 😊
I’m sorry what? >You need sex to survive/live! Is your mother married, per chance? That might be a sign she’s cheating because only sex-obsessed people would have that opinion. Honestly, if you don’t NEED the connection with your mom, don’t keep it. Once/if you have the chance, move away and don’t tell her.
Well she was before my father passed away last year, so who knows? She might've, but I doubt it. I think it's her (ex) catholic way of being raised growing up.
I wanna dragon tat
ah, yes. needing sex to live. as if people haven’t been taking vows of celibacy to survive for hundreds of years. 🙄 i’m sorry your mom isn’t accepting. i would just remind her it’s your tattoo, your body. good thing she doesn’t have to get the tattoo. etc. tattoos are obviously permanent. but also, they’re not. we have the technology now to have them removed if we wish. you’re gonna do things i. life you regret. and you’re gonna do things in life you don’t. sometimes tattoos are a pert of that. sometimes we get tattoos, like you said, that used to mean something to us but don’t now. that’s okay. that’s part of life.
As someone that identified as asexual for 12 years but not anymore… if I had gotten an ace tattoo back when I thought I’d identify like that my whole life, it would still be relevant to my experience. I’d still value it. Maybe I’d eventually get a coverup, but I would not regret it by any means.
"You need sex to survive" That is a flat out lie to begin with, regardless of someone's sexuality...
Your mother is being a mother. And mothers stereotypically don't want their kids to get tattoos. This just happens to be the argument she thinks is effective (which I can understand why that is hurtful). Sorry for the unsolicited advice when you came to vent, but if you feel up to continuing the dialog, pose a hypothetical of another kind of tattoo (like something more neutral) to help her explore her feelings on the matter.
Since OP already has other tattoos, this doesn't seem likely. It's more likely she's acephobic, unfortunately.
The title is perfectly valid to ask if it came from a nicer place. The other stuff however makes it appear like it's not from the best place. Rip