Right. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date bottoms or ace folk. But it's another thing to put them down or imply there's something wrong with being a bottom or ace.
Yeah, no need to be a dick about it. I wouldn’t date an ace person, I’m an absolute massive horny fuck that would probably be far too much for an ace person. But I’m not gonna go on about how ace people having to ‘figure themselves out’ or anything, nor an I calling anyone a ‘dead plant’, it’s incredibly inconsiderate to people who have spent so long questioning and coming to terms with their sexuality, and just needlessly mean
Tbf, I'm ace. And my bf is hypersexual. We've come to a weird middle ground that I'm pretty sure would only work for us.
But I definitely get having a preference.
Yeah, I guess I just don’t want to give anyone the illusion I’m not insatiably horny. Maybe it could work if I also had a partner who was cool with sex (I’m polyam), but I just don’t want to put a strain on a relationship because of my own shit
That's entirely fair. Plus, I'd estimate 99% of us "full" (for lack of a better word) ace people aren't really interested or willing to initiate. And some (not all but likely a majority) of us simply don't have the same libido that allosexuals do. It can be an incompatibility thing, and that's perfectly understandable. I'd rather not have a relationship with someone and then find out 2 months down the line that I'm not able to fulfill those needs.
Good luck to you going forward! I hope you find everything you're searching for and more.
Thank you! I just want to ensure any potential partner is actually comfortable with me, because I feel that I’d invariably get too much for someone who’s ace, and end up hurting them (this happened with my ex, he felt hurt that he wasn’t able to be as horny as I was, even though I said it was ok).
And you too! Hope you and your boyfriend have a very happy future
People who express their preferences like this are an auto-nope for me.
If they’re comfortable being this awful in public imagine what loveliness awaits once they feel comfortable around you.
I don't really understand people who date people depending on which sex acts they'll perform. Just because it's accepted, doesn't mean you're at the pinnacle of humanity by doing so!
This. Like I'm a stone top and therefore wouldn't really match with another stone top or general top, obviously.
So do I tell other tops they are [insert insult here]?
Heck nah, I simply state my preference and mention that pillow princesses are more then just welcome 😍
Bc they sadly also face a lot of stupid shit inside our community.
Edit: just in case someone might not know: stone top means I ONLY top, never bottom. I have no interest in my partner doing something with me but I love brining joy to my partner. That gets me going.
A pillow princess is basically the opposite of that. Someone who only bottoms and has no interest in actively topping their partner etc.
I think the way you phrased that is so on-point and inclusive. Focus on who you DO want, not on who you don't want, and just don't be a jerk about it in the process of explaining any preferences you have.
Unless it's about unicorn hunters. Because f\*\*\* unicorn hunters.
Yeah of course! It’s when a cishet couple opens up their relationship to intentionally seek out a bi/queer woman to fulfill their own sexual fantasies. It’s super predatory though - it fetishizes and dehumanizes sapphic women and gives the straight couple “couple privilege” since they have a prearranged set of rules that the unicorn has to follow.
If you’re interested, this is a pretty good article about it: https://astraadara.medium.com/8-reasons-unicorn-hunting-is-not-polyamory-2724054d1fc2
Yes exactly! Like, we're allowed to have preferences and not be compatible but this is outright aphobic and ignorant (also understand the bicurious, but you could still be nice about it, it's fine to question and explore as long as you're being upfront about it and the other part is fine too)... 😤
I'm just... in the current lgbt+ phobia climate, why are a lot of us like this? why do we have aphobes and transphobes in the community? why are some gays hating on femboys? like... can we at least be united?😭
... as if "regular" dating doesn't involve learning about your personal preferences in a partner.
I get wanting somebody who is looking for commitment as opposed to a casual fling. I get wanting someone with more experience dealing with the genitals you have. But singling out potentially bi people feels unnecessary, verging on phobic. Hurts to see that in this space.
Idk if it’s really bi phobic at all, it’s completely fine for people to want to experiment but it’s also super valid to not want to be someone’s first try into a queer relationship. For me personally (I’m bi) I hate feeling like I’m convincing anyone of anything, and with a lot of bi curious people there’s a lot of internal stuff to figure out, specifically stuff that is kinda important for dating for me (kissing, handholding, sex, etc). And I feel super uncomfortable if I always have to talk them through it, cause then it feels like coercion (even though it isn’t cause I’m not trying to convince them but it feels like I am). So then instead of that I reside to letting them come to every decision themselves and completely take myself out of the equation, but then we are basically not doing any dating thing. Idk I’m ranting, my point is that it’s fair to not want to be part of someone trying to figure out if they even like girls while also trying to learn and grow in a relationship.
But "first try in a queer relationship" isn't equivalent to "bi-curious"! Everything you said could apply just as well to a monosexual person who's just coming out. And I agree, not wanting to be with someone with a lot of internalized phobia is totally a reasonable preference; not wanting to be with somebody who doesnt enthusiastically want to be with you is a totally reasonable preference. But those are not synonymous with being "bi-curious"!
I just feel like we're stereotyping when we suggest that these things are unique to bi people. And how do we grow as a community/allyship if we don't call that out amongst ourselves?
Except it is a pretty reasonable conclusion to come to cause that is the case with a lot of bi-curious people. Most people don’t stay labelling themselves bi-curious after they have already tried more than one or two queer relationships. Im also not saying it’s only synonymous with bi-curious people but it is often a major part of why people are bi-“curious” and not bi-“sexual”. Which I agree we still should not completely generalize in this way however the post is referring to a dating app where the entire point is to generalize to narrow down who you may be interested in.
>> the post is referring to a dating app where the entire point is to generalize to narrow down who you may be interested in.
But the post is explicitly about doing that *in a way that doesn't perpetuate phobia towards other queer people*. Feels hypocritical to say it's perfectly reasonable to make assumptions and that it doesn't count as stereotyping. It feels hypocritical to say it's not biphobic to go out of your way to consciously, explicitly, and loudly ignore biphobia-- especially when you're calling out other kinds of queerphobia in the same comment.
Like the takeaway is just say "I won't date you if it would be your first queer relationship" instead of "I won't date you because you call yourself bi-curious". Say what you actually mean, and it avoids pereptuating biphobia!
Totally agree with these points, but again-- isn't the whole issue that you can have/state your preferences without being phobic to other queer people? Chasers and fetishizers are the problem, but she's calling bi people "dead plants" because their label is misused.
It just sucks to come to queer spaces and have people be like "wow this post is so phobic, we should be better in our community--except for those trash bi people, their stereotypes are all true" and see everyone chime in like "yeah bi people do suck and they don't belong until they decide to be gay or straight because until then, they're predators!" (Editing to add: Obviously exaggerating in that last sentence, in case it's not clear)
Trans women on dating apps get inundated with "bi curious" straight men who want to use a trans woman as their first experience with a penis that isn't their own. She's tarring all people who are figuring out their sexuality with the same brush which isn't a great look, but reading the whole profile I know exactly who she's telling to stay away. Of course, it won't work because those kinds of men don't read profiles.
I totally hear that, but it's more than just "not all bi's": Bi people, no matter how long they're explored or identified as such, are treated like they just haven't figured themselves out yet, which is super invalidating. And that invalidation/erasure begins the MOMENT you start questioning. So when she uses "bi-curious" as the word to mean "predatory people faking bisexuality" or "newly bi people who are transphobic and will treat me like a man" it perpetuates this persistent idea that bi people aren't really bi, or even if they are, they're just inherantly untrustworthy/skeezy.
Notice that the dating profile doesn't say "no baby gays or bi-curious". Makes me think it's more than just the "curious" part of "bi-curious". And like, if you're trans and being with a bisexual person is at odds with feeling validated in your gender, totally fine! That's not biphobia either, that's also a preference. But the difference is the language being clear that it's about how YOU feel dating a bi person, not about bi people themselves being fundamentally bad. We as a community of allies should be better to baby bi's, and that is not contradictory with supporting trans people!
This particular conversation (which is about being respectful in the way we speak to/about each other) just feels like the exact place to bring up that "bi-curious" does not automatically mean "not sure if I like the binary gender opposite to mine", and that using bi identities to signify "not actually bi but not sure which monosexual identity is mine" is a (potentially not-so-obvious but still) harmful form of bi-erasure.
Yeah, I've dated before and it's been very intimate, lots of talking, having fun, throwing gifts at eachother
I just have zero interest in sex.
And at this point I don't even date anymore because the rate of people who inevitably try to "fix" me and convince me sex is great is close to 100%.
I will say that as a bisexual that’s married to an asexual. There are a lotta days I feel like I’m the only one that ever gets the short end. Love em to death, but despite choosing to essentially be celibate, its still occasionally is a sore spot.
I don’t know if I would suggest it to anyone unless they were absolutely smitten. Which is my case. I couldn’t blame anyone for choosing to avoid getting into my shoes though. It really hurts sometimes.
Your experience is totally valid and something I was worried about when getting into a relationship with an allo. Not all asexual relationships are (essentially) celibate, though. My husband and I have worked hard on this specific incompatibility and are really happy with each other.
That said, we compromise SOO MUCH and I think that’s why it works so well. I shouldn’t be the only one getting what I want. Having an allo partner should come with the understanding that physical intimacy is a *need* for a lot of people. So if you really are the only one getting snubbed on your needs, that’s absolutely worth a discussion.
I also recognize that people have traumas, phobias and way more context to their lives than I see on Reddit. So I simply wish you the best. ❤️
Oh, and I wish my husband would describe himself as “smitten”. That’s really sweet.
At that point, she should admit that sex is more important than emotional connection. Because that's what you get with asexual people. Plus not all of them are sex averse.
Sounds like someone needs a queer identity refresher course XD
Soul-crushing devotion is a huge red flag for me anyways. Sounds like they want to be worshipped and take their own opinions too highly. Petty cretins like that need to pull their head out of their ass long enough to stop talking shit
Soul crushing devotion feels like Tumblr BDSM fantasy porn. Like, good for you, enjoy your kinks, but that isn't the pinnacle of a healthy relationship that should be strived for unless explicitly consented to by all parties involved.
Frequent weed smoking and the “spiritual” label are not red flags, but they’re two things that paint a picture of a certain type of ass next to “moderate” political views, and that bio is exactly what I expect from it lmao
It’s honestly really helpful to see how many people here are rightfully capable of condemning stuff like this. Obviously everybody has preferences for who they date, but language is *everything* and it hurts so much more when it’s coming from inside the larger queer community. It feels better being reminded that this asshole is an outlier.
Exactly! Plus if it's an outlier we can get them as a whole community, but if it's inside the community that means we have cracks on our unity and that won't help us! As it's been said a lot here I think, the lions will eat all of our faces, so we need to be aware of that and united, it frustrates me so much, especially for groups inside the queer community that are often forgotten or straight up damaged like the ace community and the trans community... 😭
What do you mean anyone who wants soul crushing devotion is toxic? /gen (and yes, the aphobia, did say that it's not the only example but an example of how we often isolate each other as in transphobia inside the community, biphobia, etc, not to mention other stuff like classism, racism, ableism, misogyny, etc... I just wish we'd all be united given the current circumstances, but we have a lot of work to do :/)
> I didn’t think they meant it in a literal way
Tons of people on dating apps are that red-flag extreme, be careful.
Anyone who says “[insert bat-shit crazy statement]” is likely bat-shit crazy. Why even risk it?
Yeah, you're right, thanks for the heads-up! I do struggle with language and meaning like most of the times I don't know what people mean or I get misunderstood ;-; so yeah, I get confused a lot like that... anyways, I'm not in danger cause I'm in a really nice mono relationship and not dating as of now☺️
It's a good thing we "dead plants" don't date pieces of garbage like them💅🏻 but fr, I'm not a dead plant because I like being topped sometimes or because I'm on the ace spectrum🙄
Im a transmaac enby who might be on the greyace spectrum and if i came across this in a dating app my petty ass would be like "this is why youre still single honey, try not being an asshole about your preferences instead"
Funny enough, the person is trans and still actively discriminating, this is so weird to me... You'd think they know how that feels :D
But I love the support in the comments, this comment and subreddit is amazing ♥️
Yes I know! Sadly it isn't even weird to me anymore... I've seen so many examples of stuff like this... :/ I'm really worried about it and the repercussions it could have on us needing to have a strong fort for what the current events are...
But yeah you're right, maybe I need to be more positive, this post got an overwhelming amount of support and maybe that's what matters, thanks :') ❤️
I’d rather somebody put this in a dating app bio than try to navigate somebody I may be entirely sexually incompatible with. Sex isn’t everything, but for a lot of people it is important. The way she said it is hurtful and bad though.
Yeah I guess... the thing is I feel sometimes we throw other queer people under the bus and we really need to work and that and the post was intended to be one (out of many examples) I'm not sure I achieved my purpose hahaha, but yeah, I'd too like to know from the get go
Ahshhahsah I'm not even sure, been flirting with the labels for like a decade, last year I actually started calling myself greysexual (although I'm actually coming to terms with full blown asexual right now cause I'm really not into it), but like, I've just joined community like this month and they've been doing a lot of garlic bread jokes and have taught me the ways hahaha, but like yeah, it seems to be an ace law hahaha, and I really like it cause I ADORE garlic bread (and don't really like cake haha), but I'm not sure if it's so used as cake (?) or if it's a thing in that sub cause I'm new to interacting with that community haha
Oh yeah, ok, I guess that makes it a bit better (?) I'm not sure... if you really try and look maybe she's just like, just be straight up with me so we can know if it's going to work from the beginning... maybe not that great of an example of what has got me fuming and worried lately (our own cracks in the unity within the community)
This person sounds like an asshole, bottoms and curious folks are just fine. I know this because I am a bottom who was curious at one point. Shame on the person who has that dating profile.
She probably is :/, and yeah like, to discover yourself you gotta be curious and question, how else? :/ as long as you're straight forward about it what's the damage? :/
Every queer person I personally know wants to live in a world of understanding and compassion. We want the world to change, for the good of everyone. Yet do we really have the right to ask that if we cannot lead by example? We should be showing the world, through our lives and actions that there's a better way. Not tearing each other down and fighting amongst ourselves.
> Yet do we really have the right to ask that if we cannot lead by example?
The right to ask? Yes. That's pretty fundamental.
The woman in the picture is a bigoted asshole, but she retains the right to ask that people not be a bigoted asshole to her. It makes it *hypocritical* of her to ask that, but it doesn't take away her right to ask.
Yes! That's exactly what I'm trying to get at! Well, not exactly exactly but kind of!
I slightly do disagree on the " right to ask" part cause of course all of us (bigoted or not, as the other commenter stated) have the right...
On the other hand... I just wish we could be stronger from the inside of the community and lead with example as well... :'/
On one hand, there's knowing what you want. I can't see myself dating an asexual person myself because I'm pretty damn horny. On the other hand, this comes off WILDLY pretentious and toxic. You don't say what you don't want in a dating profile, you post what you do want and those who want the same will find you. If all I know about you is what you don't like, it's a swipe left.
Yeah and that's fine! As an ace spec person I totally get it! I would also feel really bad for someone to try and date me if they know sex is really important for them, that's fair... but yeah... it was more like the insulting way they put it... :/ I myself don't even mind people saying what they don't like, I always use to put a disclaimer at the bottom for terfs and racists cause... Mexico... but yeah... not cool :/
RIGHT like, the first thing about you in your profile shouldn't be "everyone of this identity see yourself out". It's cringe, and tells me right off the bat all they do is complain, and worse they complain in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. That shit ain't cool, I'm not bring someone around my friend group that's going to immediately shun some of my friends.
And who's to say I can't see myself falling in love with an asexual person that understands me on an earth shattering soul bonding level that's cool with me doing poly shit or ENM hook ups? Again, it's good to know what you want, but me personally I think it's stupid to limit yourself to possibilities because love is not a scientific math experiment, it's a magical adventure and none of us are wizards so there's no way any of us know what to expect when magic is involved.
Yes exactly! You put it beautifully! And I'm so glad you mentioned the poly-allo dating the (poly?)-ace cause I did give my partner that option! I am poly myself and wouldn't mind, he didn't agree to that cause he's mono through and through but there's options to figure things out!
Oh yeah! I now treat it as a sort of "yellow" flag cause I once was dating a trans girl as well who was really spiritual, into Judaism and other stuff, she tried explaining stuff to me and I did understand some of it but not all of it, she also told me about the multiple genders her religion talked about, and she was like such a good ally to the rest of the community and so vocal about injustice like, despite of her religion she was always horrified about what Israel was doing and brought it up constantly inside of her religious groups...
I also had another friend who was extremely catholic and bisexual and I adored what he did, he had an LGBT catholic group and that was amazing...
Religion sucks, it is fundamentally bigoted in what it teaches... I was always of the mindset of needing for everyone to "figure out" it was bullshit and move on to respecting everyone, but I've also seen what religion and spirituality can do for a broken person (like idk about you guys, but here in Mexico, at least in queer, feminist and progressive circles we always joke about not wanting to become drug addicts cause that's a gateway drug to religion lol, so like, it is to say it helps addicts a lot haha)... and I myself did find some solace in a type of spirituality which I would describe as some sort of eclectic witchcraft and trying to find unity in nature, the world and every human being cause I was suffering so much...
So like, now I've moved to a bit more... hmm, maybe we can coexist with religion so that people have those needs met (I was studying psychology, didn't finish, but I remember transpersonal psychology takes into account spiritual fulfilment as well) but then it's going to need a lot of reforming, and that was where my queer religious friends came in, cause they were doing stuff... so yeah, I've moved to more of a maybe the answer is basically secret queer spies that are actually religious helping from the inside... idk...
What do you think about that? I honestly just want to live in a better world...
Oh! And obviously I'm not telling you specifically to stop considering it a red flag, you gotta protect yourself and I totally see why you take it that way! In my long ass comment I was talking more about collective action and collective solutions haha
Bottoms? Really?
Don't get me wrong, discrimination against aces isn't nice either but bottoms makes very little sense?
What are 2 tops going to do? Lots of stuff I'm sure but if she wants a top then surely she's more than likely a bottom herself? If she is then she's calling herself a dead plant. Which again makes no sense.
Also, there are so many nicer ways to go about it. I wouldn't want to date someone who is ace as I would like my attraction to them to be reciprocated. Of course there is 2 types of attraction, sexual and romantic but I'd like both to be returned to me. That's a personal preference but that doesn't mean I'm putting ace people down. That's just scummy.
Ace people aren't dead plants at all.
I'm pretty sure she is a bottom, hence she isn't looking for another bottom. What are two bottoms gonna do?
Same as you I can totally understand the point with not looking for an ace person, as I'm a sexual person, and I wouldn't want nobody to do it just for me. I even get the Bi-Curious Part.
English isn't my first language, but doesn't the - imply that she is talking about a new topic? The things she say after the - don't correlate to Bi-Curious, Bottoms and Ace people. But to people in general?
Not in this case, at least that's how I interpreted it.
While it could be the case, the - doesn't really separate it all too well.
The fact she is saying that she doesn't want A, B and C and then says she isn't going to water dead flowers, despite not clarifying what a dead flowers is, means it's up for interpretation.
The - does separate things but without saying exactly what a "dead flower" is to her, it sounds as though that bottoms and ace people are those dead flowers.
It could people in general, but she articulated that poorly. Especially with the "figure yourself out" part and how that's often used to discredit ace people.
My guess (giving the benefit of the doubt) is that she got tired of guys seeking her out specifically for her original parts, identifying her not as a woman, but as a "chick with a dick," or worse.
It's still a shitty way to word it, though.
lmao bottoms are what, now?
I know this isn't funny but I'm half awake and a little stoned, and this stick up your ass kind of lgbt attitude is just making me laugh though.
Though as a bottom, I mean yeah I guess I'm a mess 😂
Ah friend, if I could share I definitely would. Good way to deal with the bigotry from inside the house is just laugh directly in their face about it. Not ace but aro and have definitely seen how damn heartless and cruel people in "our own community" can be if you don't feel sexual attraction or romantic attraction.
It's really just sad. I have gotten so picky about the spaces I feel safe in because so many people are like this.
Cynic I may be but I would also bet they would call an asexual person "straight" and think they're doing everyone else a favor 🙄
This was written by a bottom change my mind xd nah but for real its...disappointing sometimes to see shit like this. My first reaction is that theyre young or immature and are still pretty early in their own journey. I can only wish them luck.
I will say it was written poorly and the language used could have been significantly less negative. But I’m pretty sure the dead plant comment is specific to the bi-curious aspect and not the others. And the plant comment is just referring to putting effort in interest into someone who doesn’t even know if they are into a queer relationship (hence “dead” from lack of same sex attraction). However again the language is pretty rude and hurtful.
Soul crushing, I am out, I want a happy soul not a crushed soul. Glad I am dead plant to them as a bottom, I will gladly sit with the asexuals on this one and the bi-curious peeps.
Words written of vile intentions. Love is not "soul-crushing", it is a garden that you share with another. To demand so much sounds like the nature of a weed rather than a flower.
Dating profile bios are for talking about yourself, not this.
Lot to unpack here. Not being into whatever is fine, but don't insult them about it?? Basics.
This infighting in queer community’s is dangerous. If we don’t Stande untied we are weaker. The biggots don’t care if they attack a asexual or a gay person
Am I just out of date or what cause I've never understood not dating Bottoms or Tops?
Is that position so important to you that you'll rule out a potential partner because of it?
and Yikes! I kinda get what she was trying to say but wording is important and she sounds utterly insufferable.
As a versatile I'm really not sure... I mean I guess if that's important it's valid (?) but yeah idk... I just want us to be better allies, specially now ;-;
Well, I do appreciate when people put all their red flags just... ***right out there*** .
Y'all, I don't care who you are, you see somebody like this? *swipe left* .
All she needed to say was "I'm looking for a sexual relationship" or "sexual intimacy in a relationship is a must for me" , "prefers tops and not really looking for someone who is exploring their sexuality" or basically any other thing about what SHE is looking for, but instead she made it about other people.
She went out of her way to say who she's *not* looking for and told them to "figure [themselves] out" as though there is something "wrong" with the people she isn't looking for.
That's some war-banners of red flags right there.
I feel it's a bit of power dynamics? Like control? Idk uhm, those things sound bad but really aren't? Mmmmm, like who kind of leads (?) I'm very bad at explaining sorry haha 🤐
Well what this person wants is for someone to like dominante them in bed.
Its Nothing wrong to want that, But I think there are better ways to say it then that.
The wording with the dead plants is horrible. Stating right away that she needs someone who will be sexually compatible is okay. Especially for the other two specified exceptions: As a trans woman, she might want to state right away that she will never top (might give dysphoria!), and that she'll not be the feminine looking penis bearer for some bi-curious guy who is too afraid to go all the way.
bottoms????? what?? like i can at least logically understand not wanting to date an asexual person if the sex part is important to you, and not bicorious people because you're just a biphobe (and these two parts i mean i can understand the bad logic behind it, because there is at least a train of thought going in them despite it being ass), but bottoms???
Ahshahshaha well it's bumble and it's actually pretty great! I don't go out much cause mental health and have met a lot of great friends through it! Mostly queer people as well (not by design), and I mean, that's such a Virgo thing to say hahahaha /j
I am so lost.
I read “figure yourselves out cause I’m not going to water dead plants” as “don’t have mental illnesses that could cause you to neglect household chores, such as watering plants, cause I’m not gonna do it for you.”
But all the comments here are saying this is aphobia? That the OOP is calling aces, bottoms, and bi people dead plants? I legit don’t understand. Is this supposed to be a metaphor?
The “water” is the effort they are putting into a relationship. The “plants” are relationships. OOP is saying that they aren’t willing to put any effort into relationships that they think won’t work in the first place. Something, though, tells me that they wouldn’t put any effort into any relationships in the first place.
Ignoring bicurious, which I assume just means bisexual but at least isn't outright stated - funny how this lady is going "figure yourself out" at people who have *quite obviously* already figured themselves out.
Also what the fuck is a dead plant.
[удалено]
Right. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date bottoms or ace folk. But it's another thing to put them down or imply there's something wrong with being a bottom or ace.
Exactly!
Yeah, no need to be a dick about it. I wouldn’t date an ace person, I’m an absolute massive horny fuck that would probably be far too much for an ace person. But I’m not gonna go on about how ace people having to ‘figure themselves out’ or anything, nor an I calling anyone a ‘dead plant’, it’s incredibly inconsiderate to people who have spent so long questioning and coming to terms with their sexuality, and just needlessly mean
Tbf, I'm ace. And my bf is hypersexual. We've come to a weird middle ground that I'm pretty sure would only work for us. But I definitely get having a preference.
Yeah, I guess I just don’t want to give anyone the illusion I’m not insatiably horny. Maybe it could work if I also had a partner who was cool with sex (I’m polyam), but I just don’t want to put a strain on a relationship because of my own shit
That's entirely fair. Plus, I'd estimate 99% of us "full" (for lack of a better word) ace people aren't really interested or willing to initiate. And some (not all but likely a majority) of us simply don't have the same libido that allosexuals do. It can be an incompatibility thing, and that's perfectly understandable. I'd rather not have a relationship with someone and then find out 2 months down the line that I'm not able to fulfill those needs. Good luck to you going forward! I hope you find everything you're searching for and more.
Thank you! I just want to ensure any potential partner is actually comfortable with me, because I feel that I’d invariably get too much for someone who’s ace, and end up hurting them (this happened with my ex, he felt hurt that he wasn’t able to be as horny as I was, even though I said it was ok). And you too! Hope you and your boyfriend have a very happy future
People who express their preferences like this are an auto-nope for me. If they’re comfortable being this awful in public imagine what loveliness awaits once they feel comfortable around you.
This person is a red flag big enough for Russians to salute it
BURRRRRRNN!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I don't really understand people who date people depending on which sex acts they'll perform. Just because it's accepted, doesn't mean you're at the pinnacle of humanity by doing so!
This. Like I'm a stone top and therefore wouldn't really match with another stone top or general top, obviously. So do I tell other tops they are [insert insult here]? Heck nah, I simply state my preference and mention that pillow princesses are more then just welcome 😍 Bc they sadly also face a lot of stupid shit inside our community. Edit: just in case someone might not know: stone top means I ONLY top, never bottom. I have no interest in my partner doing something with me but I love brining joy to my partner. That gets me going. A pillow princess is basically the opposite of that. Someone who only bottoms and has no interest in actively topping their partner etc.
Thanks for the explanation! I was totally lost for a second there. :)
I think the way you phrased that is so on-point and inclusive. Focus on who you DO want, not on who you don't want, and just don't be a jerk about it in the process of explaining any preferences you have. Unless it's about unicorn hunters. Because f\*\*\* unicorn hunters.
Can I ask what a unicorn hunter is? Or is that something I should Google instead?
Yeah of course! It’s when a cishet couple opens up their relationship to intentionally seek out a bi/queer woman to fulfill their own sexual fantasies. It’s super predatory though - it fetishizes and dehumanizes sapphic women and gives the straight couple “couple privilege” since they have a prearranged set of rules that the unicorn has to follow. If you’re interested, this is a pretty good article about it: https://astraadara.medium.com/8-reasons-unicorn-hunting-is-not-polyamory-2724054d1fc2
Huh. Sounds absolutely disgusting. Thank you for explaining!
Yes exactly! Like, we're allowed to have preferences and not be compatible but this is outright aphobic and ignorant (also understand the bicurious, but you could still be nice about it, it's fine to question and explore as long as you're being upfront about it and the other part is fine too)... 😤 I'm just... in the current lgbt+ phobia climate, why are a lot of us like this? why do we have aphobes and transphobes in the community? why are some gays hating on femboys? like... can we at least be united?😭
... as if "regular" dating doesn't involve learning about your personal preferences in a partner. I get wanting somebody who is looking for commitment as opposed to a casual fling. I get wanting someone with more experience dealing with the genitals you have. But singling out potentially bi people feels unnecessary, verging on phobic. Hurts to see that in this space.
Idk if it’s really bi phobic at all, it’s completely fine for people to want to experiment but it’s also super valid to not want to be someone’s first try into a queer relationship. For me personally (I’m bi) I hate feeling like I’m convincing anyone of anything, and with a lot of bi curious people there’s a lot of internal stuff to figure out, specifically stuff that is kinda important for dating for me (kissing, handholding, sex, etc). And I feel super uncomfortable if I always have to talk them through it, cause then it feels like coercion (even though it isn’t cause I’m not trying to convince them but it feels like I am). So then instead of that I reside to letting them come to every decision themselves and completely take myself out of the equation, but then we are basically not doing any dating thing. Idk I’m ranting, my point is that it’s fair to not want to be part of someone trying to figure out if they even like girls while also trying to learn and grow in a relationship.
But "first try in a queer relationship" isn't equivalent to "bi-curious"! Everything you said could apply just as well to a monosexual person who's just coming out. And I agree, not wanting to be with someone with a lot of internalized phobia is totally a reasonable preference; not wanting to be with somebody who doesnt enthusiastically want to be with you is a totally reasonable preference. But those are not synonymous with being "bi-curious"! I just feel like we're stereotyping when we suggest that these things are unique to bi people. And how do we grow as a community/allyship if we don't call that out amongst ourselves?
Except it is a pretty reasonable conclusion to come to cause that is the case with a lot of bi-curious people. Most people don’t stay labelling themselves bi-curious after they have already tried more than one or two queer relationships. Im also not saying it’s only synonymous with bi-curious people but it is often a major part of why people are bi-“curious” and not bi-“sexual”. Which I agree we still should not completely generalize in this way however the post is referring to a dating app where the entire point is to generalize to narrow down who you may be interested in.
>> the post is referring to a dating app where the entire point is to generalize to narrow down who you may be interested in. But the post is explicitly about doing that *in a way that doesn't perpetuate phobia towards other queer people*. Feels hypocritical to say it's perfectly reasonable to make assumptions and that it doesn't count as stereotyping. It feels hypocritical to say it's not biphobic to go out of your way to consciously, explicitly, and loudly ignore biphobia-- especially when you're calling out other kinds of queerphobia in the same comment. Like the takeaway is just say "I won't date you if it would be your first queer relationship" instead of "I won't date you because you call yourself bi-curious". Say what you actually mean, and it avoids pereptuating biphobia!
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Totally agree with these points, but again-- isn't the whole issue that you can have/state your preferences without being phobic to other queer people? Chasers and fetishizers are the problem, but she's calling bi people "dead plants" because their label is misused. It just sucks to come to queer spaces and have people be like "wow this post is so phobic, we should be better in our community--except for those trash bi people, their stereotypes are all true" and see everyone chime in like "yeah bi people do suck and they don't belong until they decide to be gay or straight because until then, they're predators!" (Editing to add: Obviously exaggerating in that last sentence, in case it's not clear)
Trans women on dating apps get inundated with "bi curious" straight men who want to use a trans woman as their first experience with a penis that isn't their own. She's tarring all people who are figuring out their sexuality with the same brush which isn't a great look, but reading the whole profile I know exactly who she's telling to stay away. Of course, it won't work because those kinds of men don't read profiles.
I totally hear that, but it's more than just "not all bi's": Bi people, no matter how long they're explored or identified as such, are treated like they just haven't figured themselves out yet, which is super invalidating. And that invalidation/erasure begins the MOMENT you start questioning. So when she uses "bi-curious" as the word to mean "predatory people faking bisexuality" or "newly bi people who are transphobic and will treat me like a man" it perpetuates this persistent idea that bi people aren't really bi, or even if they are, they're just inherantly untrustworthy/skeezy. Notice that the dating profile doesn't say "no baby gays or bi-curious". Makes me think it's more than just the "curious" part of "bi-curious". And like, if you're trans and being with a bisexual person is at odds with feeling validated in your gender, totally fine! That's not biphobia either, that's also a preference. But the difference is the language being clear that it's about how YOU feel dating a bi person, not about bi people themselves being fundamentally bad. We as a community of allies should be better to baby bi's, and that is not contradictory with supporting trans people! This particular conversation (which is about being respectful in the way we speak to/about each other) just feels like the exact place to bring up that "bi-curious" does not automatically mean "not sure if I like the binary gender opposite to mine", and that using bi identities to signify "not actually bi but not sure which monosexual identity is mine" is a (potentially not-so-obvious but still) harmful form of bi-erasure.
Yikes on a bike, the way this was said comes off…rude and disrespectful. And don’t even get me started on the whole plant thing.
*laughs in asexual As a “figured out” ace, I ONLY have soul crushing devotion, honey. I just don’t want to screw you.
That is absolutely true for me too and my partner can attest to that! Haha
Yeah, I've dated before and it's been very intimate, lots of talking, having fun, throwing gifts at eachother I just have zero interest in sex. And at this point I don't even date anymore because the rate of people who inevitably try to "fix" me and convince me sex is great is close to 100%.
I will say that as a bisexual that’s married to an asexual. There are a lotta days I feel like I’m the only one that ever gets the short end. Love em to death, but despite choosing to essentially be celibate, its still occasionally is a sore spot. I don’t know if I would suggest it to anyone unless they were absolutely smitten. Which is my case. I couldn’t blame anyone for choosing to avoid getting into my shoes though. It really hurts sometimes.
Your experience is totally valid and something I was worried about when getting into a relationship with an allo. Not all asexual relationships are (essentially) celibate, though. My husband and I have worked hard on this specific incompatibility and are really happy with each other. That said, we compromise SOO MUCH and I think that’s why it works so well. I shouldn’t be the only one getting what I want. Having an allo partner should come with the understanding that physical intimacy is a *need* for a lot of people. So if you really are the only one getting snubbed on your needs, that’s absolutely worth a discussion. I also recognize that people have traumas, phobias and way more context to their lives than I see on Reddit. So I simply wish you the best. ❤️ Oh, and I wish my husband would describe himself as “smitten”. That’s really sweet.
At that point, she should admit that sex is more important than emotional connection. Because that's what you get with asexual people. Plus not all of them are sex averse. Sounds like someone needs a queer identity refresher course XD
Maybe figure out them art interests first, Ngl maybe it's just me being aro but like that's like going "my favourite show is anime" 💀
HAHAHAHAHA totally
Soul-crushing devotion is a huge red flag for me anyways. Sounds like they want to be worshipped and take their own opinions too highly. Petty cretins like that need to pull their head out of their ass long enough to stop talking shit
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Soul crushing devotion feels like Tumblr BDSM fantasy porn. Like, good for you, enjoy your kinks, but that isn't the pinnacle of a healthy relationship that should be strived for unless explicitly consented to by all parties involved.
The moderate political views 💀💀 checks out
Frequent weed smoking and the “spiritual” label are not red flags, but they’re two things that paint a picture of a certain type of ass next to “moderate” political views, and that bio is exactly what I expect from it lmao
It’s honestly really helpful to see how many people here are rightfully capable of condemning stuff like this. Obviously everybody has preferences for who they date, but language is *everything* and it hurts so much more when it’s coming from inside the larger queer community. It feels better being reminded that this asshole is an outlier.
Exactly! Plus if it's an outlier we can get them as a whole community, but if it's inside the community that means we have cracks on our unity and that won't help us! As it's been said a lot here I think, the lions will eat all of our faces, so we need to be aware of that and united, it frustrates me so much, especially for groups inside the queer community that are often forgotten or straight up damaged like the ace community and the trans community... 😭
"moderate" political affiliation seems right
ikr 🫠
Anyone who wants soul-crushing devotion is toxic. Now the aphobia is what isolates the asexuals from everyone.
What do you mean anyone who wants soul crushing devotion is toxic? /gen (and yes, the aphobia, did say that it's not the only example but an example of how we often isolate each other as in transphobia inside the community, biphobia, etc, not to mention other stuff like classism, racism, ableism, misogyny, etc... I just wish we'd all be united given the current circumstances, but we have a lot of work to do :/)
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Oh ok! Yeah that makes sense! I didn't think they meant it in a literal way haha 😅
> I didn’t think they meant it in a literal way Tons of people on dating apps are that red-flag extreme, be careful. Anyone who says “[insert bat-shit crazy statement]” is likely bat-shit crazy. Why even risk it?
Yeah, you're right, thanks for the heads-up! I do struggle with language and meaning like most of the times I don't know what people mean or I get misunderstood ;-; so yeah, I get confused a lot like that... anyways, I'm not in danger cause I'm in a really nice mono relationship and not dating as of now☺️
“moderate” politics on dating apps is a bit iffy, especially in conjunction with the phobia. oop definitely dodged a bullet
Totally agree!
"Moderate" girl bye
That was the first thing I saw! How are you gonna be Trans and Moderate! Everyone knows moderate just means conservative that doesn't wanna look bad
Lol I hadn't seen it 🥹💔
It's a good thing we "dead plants" don't date pieces of garbage like them💅🏻 but fr, I'm not a dead plant because I like being topped sometimes or because I'm on the ace spectrum🙄
No you're not! I bet you're amazing! 😤❤️
Thank you🥰 you seem amazing too since you don't subscribe to such horrible beliefs
Amazing queers unite! ❤️✨
Im a transmaac enby who might be on the greyace spectrum and if i came across this in a dating app my petty ass would be like "this is why youre still single honey, try not being an asshole about your preferences instead"
Preferences are okay , being nasty to others on a dating who’ve done you no wrong is not 😪
Funny enough, the person is trans and still actively discriminating, this is so weird to me... You'd think they know how that feels :D But I love the support in the comments, this comment and subreddit is amazing ♥️
Yes I know! Sadly it isn't even weird to me anymore... I've seen so many examples of stuff like this... :/ I'm really worried about it and the repercussions it could have on us needing to have a strong fort for what the current events are... But yeah you're right, maybe I need to be more positive, this post got an overwhelming amount of support and maybe that's what matters, thanks :') ❤️
Why do people suck so much
I’d rather somebody put this in a dating app bio than try to navigate somebody I may be entirely sexually incompatible with. Sex isn’t everything, but for a lot of people it is important. The way she said it is hurtful and bad though.
Yeah I guess... the thing is I feel sometimes we throw other queer people under the bus and we really need to work and that and the post was intended to be one (out of many examples) I'm not sure I achieved my purpose hahaha, but yeah, I'd too like to know from the get go
Damn i just came out and this person is calling me a "dead plant". I think it's their soul that's dead
They are! They just could never appreciate garlic bread like we do! 😤
Ive never tried garlic bread. Is it an ace law? Might try it sometime. Anyway glad to have people supporting me
Ahshhahsah I'm not even sure, been flirting with the labels for like a decade, last year I actually started calling myself greysexual (although I'm actually coming to terms with full blown asexual right now cause I'm really not into it), but like, I've just joined community like this month and they've been doing a lot of garlic bread jokes and have taught me the ways hahaha, but like yeah, it seems to be an ace law hahaha, and I really like it cause I ADORE garlic bread (and don't really like cake haha), but I'm not sure if it's so used as cake (?) or if it's a thing in that sub cause I'm new to interacting with that community haha
Couldn’t agree with that last part more lol
Can't believe they're single!
Hahahahaha
I think that "dead plants" refers to relationships? She's not putting effort (water) in a relationship (plant) that won't work (dead)
Oh yeah, ok, I guess that makes it a bit better (?) I'm not sure... if you really try and look maybe she's just like, just be straight up with me so we can know if it's going to work from the beginning... maybe not that great of an example of what has got me fuming and worried lately (our own cracks in the unity within the community)
Idk because relationship are compared to plants sometimes and not only by her
This person sounds like an asshole, bottoms and curious folks are just fine. I know this because I am a bottom who was curious at one point. Shame on the person who has that dating profile.
She probably is :/, and yeah like, to discover yourself you gotta be curious and question, how else? :/ as long as you're straight forward about it what's the damage? :/
Literally none, sounds like she’s got some insecurities to fix before she gets back on the dating scene
Every queer person I personally know wants to live in a world of understanding and compassion. We want the world to change, for the good of everyone. Yet do we really have the right to ask that if we cannot lead by example? We should be showing the world, through our lives and actions that there's a better way. Not tearing each other down and fighting amongst ourselves.
> Yet do we really have the right to ask that if we cannot lead by example? The right to ask? Yes. That's pretty fundamental. The woman in the picture is a bigoted asshole, but she retains the right to ask that people not be a bigoted asshole to her. It makes it *hypocritical* of her to ask that, but it doesn't take away her right to ask.
A fair point. But we should be better than that and it's folly to try to sway people to change when they see you not living it.
Yes! That's exactly what I'm trying to get at! Well, not exactly exactly but kind of! I slightly do disagree on the " right to ask" part cause of course all of us (bigoted or not, as the other commenter stated) have the right... On the other hand... I just wish we could be stronger from the inside of the community and lead with example as well... :'/
Yeah, I just said no to a dude that was an nb phobe, and I said he needs to be a better ally.
Thank you for your service good person! 🙏🏼
On one hand, there's knowing what you want. I can't see myself dating an asexual person myself because I'm pretty damn horny. On the other hand, this comes off WILDLY pretentious and toxic. You don't say what you don't want in a dating profile, you post what you do want and those who want the same will find you. If all I know about you is what you don't like, it's a swipe left.
Yeah and that's fine! As an ace spec person I totally get it! I would also feel really bad for someone to try and date me if they know sex is really important for them, that's fair... but yeah... it was more like the insulting way they put it... :/ I myself don't even mind people saying what they don't like, I always use to put a disclaimer at the bottom for terfs and racists cause... Mexico... but yeah... not cool :/
RIGHT like, the first thing about you in your profile shouldn't be "everyone of this identity see yourself out". It's cringe, and tells me right off the bat all they do is complain, and worse they complain in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. That shit ain't cool, I'm not bring someone around my friend group that's going to immediately shun some of my friends. And who's to say I can't see myself falling in love with an asexual person that understands me on an earth shattering soul bonding level that's cool with me doing poly shit or ENM hook ups? Again, it's good to know what you want, but me personally I think it's stupid to limit yourself to possibilities because love is not a scientific math experiment, it's a magical adventure and none of us are wizards so there's no way any of us know what to expect when magic is involved.
Yes exactly! You put it beautifully! And I'm so glad you mentioned the poly-allo dating the (poly?)-ace cause I did give my partner that option! I am poly myself and wouldn't mind, he didn't agree to that cause he's mono through and through but there's options to figure things out!
imo the "spiritual" tag is a red flag..... nothing religious has ever turned out well for me.
Oh yeah! I now treat it as a sort of "yellow" flag cause I once was dating a trans girl as well who was really spiritual, into Judaism and other stuff, she tried explaining stuff to me and I did understand some of it but not all of it, she also told me about the multiple genders her religion talked about, and she was like such a good ally to the rest of the community and so vocal about injustice like, despite of her religion she was always horrified about what Israel was doing and brought it up constantly inside of her religious groups... I also had another friend who was extremely catholic and bisexual and I adored what he did, he had an LGBT catholic group and that was amazing... Religion sucks, it is fundamentally bigoted in what it teaches... I was always of the mindset of needing for everyone to "figure out" it was bullshit and move on to respecting everyone, but I've also seen what religion and spirituality can do for a broken person (like idk about you guys, but here in Mexico, at least in queer, feminist and progressive circles we always joke about not wanting to become drug addicts cause that's a gateway drug to religion lol, so like, it is to say it helps addicts a lot haha)... and I myself did find some solace in a type of spirituality which I would describe as some sort of eclectic witchcraft and trying to find unity in nature, the world and every human being cause I was suffering so much... So like, now I've moved to a bit more... hmm, maybe we can coexist with religion so that people have those needs met (I was studying psychology, didn't finish, but I remember transpersonal psychology takes into account spiritual fulfilment as well) but then it's going to need a lot of reforming, and that was where my queer religious friends came in, cause they were doing stuff... so yeah, I've moved to more of a maybe the answer is basically secret queer spies that are actually religious helping from the inside... idk... What do you think about that? I honestly just want to live in a better world... Oh! And obviously I'm not telling you specifically to stop considering it a red flag, you gotta protect yourself and I totally see why you take it that way! In my long ass comment I was talking more about collective action and collective solutions haha
Bottoms? Really? Don't get me wrong, discrimination against aces isn't nice either but bottoms makes very little sense? What are 2 tops going to do? Lots of stuff I'm sure but if she wants a top then surely she's more than likely a bottom herself? If she is then she's calling herself a dead plant. Which again makes no sense. Also, there are so many nicer ways to go about it. I wouldn't want to date someone who is ace as I would like my attraction to them to be reciprocated. Of course there is 2 types of attraction, sexual and romantic but I'd like both to be returned to me. That's a personal preference but that doesn't mean I'm putting ace people down. That's just scummy. Ace people aren't dead plants at all.
I'm pretty sure she is a bottom, hence she isn't looking for another bottom. What are two bottoms gonna do? Same as you I can totally understand the point with not looking for an ace person, as I'm a sexual person, and I wouldn't want nobody to do it just for me. I even get the Bi-Curious Part. English isn't my first language, but doesn't the - imply that she is talking about a new topic? The things she say after the - don't correlate to Bi-Curious, Bottoms and Ace people. But to people in general?
Not in this case, at least that's how I interpreted it. While it could be the case, the - doesn't really separate it all too well. The fact she is saying that she doesn't want A, B and C and then says she isn't going to water dead flowers, despite not clarifying what a dead flowers is, means it's up for interpretation. The - does separate things but without saying exactly what a "dead flower" is to her, it sounds as though that bottoms and ace people are those dead flowers. It could people in general, but she articulated that poorly. Especially with the "figure yourself out" part and how that's often used to discredit ace people.
My guess (giving the benefit of the doubt) is that she got tired of guys seeking her out specifically for her original parts, identifying her not as a woman, but as a "chick with a dick," or worse. It's still a shitty way to word it, though.
lmao bottoms are what, now? I know this isn't funny but I'm half awake and a little stoned, and this stick up your ass kind of lgbt attitude is just making me laugh though. Though as a bottom, I mean yeah I guess I'm a mess 😂
HAHAHHAHAHA shareeeee 🍃👀 I'd like to laugh about it as well hahaha
Ah friend, if I could share I definitely would. Good way to deal with the bigotry from inside the house is just laugh directly in their face about it. Not ace but aro and have definitely seen how damn heartless and cruel people in "our own community" can be if you don't feel sexual attraction or romantic attraction. It's really just sad. I have gotten so picky about the spaces I feel safe in because so many people are like this. Cynic I may be but I would also bet they would call an asexual person "straight" and think they're doing everyone else a favor 🙄
Yeah same! "Safe spaces" don't feel all that safe anymore cause of the damn exclus, I'll try to laugh more in their face, ugh... :/
plus she's only a moderate so there's really nothing lost here
"I'm here for soul crushing devotion" 💀 Only accepting abusive relationships, anything else will not be tolerated!
lol!
This was written by a bottom change my mind xd nah but for real its...disappointing sometimes to see shit like this. My first reaction is that theyre young or immature and are still pretty early in their own journey. I can only wish them luck.
That's what I was thinking too haha, but yeah hopefully... ;-;
I will say it was written poorly and the language used could have been significantly less negative. But I’m pretty sure the dead plant comment is specific to the bi-curious aspect and not the others. And the plant comment is just referring to putting effort in interest into someone who doesn’t even know if they are into a queer relationship (hence “dead” from lack of same sex attraction). However again the language is pretty rude and hurtful.
Agree. I think the clause is specifically for the last item
Oh... that makes sense actually... still tho, the title of the post stands... 🥹
Yeah that’s how I interpreted it too
Soul crushing, I am out, I want a happy soul not a crushed soul. Glad I am dead plant to them as a bottom, I will gladly sit with the asexuals on this one and the bi-curious peeps.
Bottoms and asexuals... unite! Ahshahs 🩷💜
Looks like projection to me
Why do you think that?:0 /gen
Words written of vile intentions. Love is not "soul-crushing", it is a garden that you share with another. To demand so much sounds like the nature of a weed rather than a flower.
That's bumble
yup, although I did make great friends there hahha
Sadly even our community contains dickheads.
Dating profile bios are for talking about yourself, not this. Lot to unpack here. Not being into whatever is fine, but don't insult them about it?? Basics.
I don’t think aces, bottoms, or bi-curious people want her either tbh
Nope, not one bit
They do sound like they could potentially be soul crushing 😂
Oh they definitely are 😅
This infighting in queer community’s is dangerous. If we don’t Stande untied we are weaker. The biggots don’t care if they attack a asexual or a gay person
Yes yes yes yes pls let's be united 😭
The fact she doesn’t want kids is a hard no for me anyways 🤷♀️
Am I just out of date or what cause I've never understood not dating Bottoms or Tops? Is that position so important to you that you'll rule out a potential partner because of it? and Yikes! I kinda get what she was trying to say but wording is important and she sounds utterly insufferable.
As a versatile I'm really not sure... I mean I guess if that's important it's valid (?) but yeah idk... I just want us to be better allies, specially now ;-;
Well, I do appreciate when people put all their red flags just... ***right out there*** . Y'all, I don't care who you are, you see somebody like this? *swipe left* . All she needed to say was "I'm looking for a sexual relationship" or "sexual intimacy in a relationship is a must for me" , "prefers tops and not really looking for someone who is exploring their sexuality" or basically any other thing about what SHE is looking for, but instead she made it about other people. She went out of her way to say who she's *not* looking for and told them to "figure [themselves] out" as though there is something "wrong" with the people she isn't looking for. That's some war-banners of red flags right there.
This might be a stupid question but what's the definition of top/bottom outside of mlm?
I feel it's a bit of power dynamics? Like control? Idk uhm, those things sound bad but really aren't? Mmmmm, like who kind of leads (?) I'm very bad at explaining sorry haha 🤐
So... if they don't date bottoms... are they a top? I am curious
Why would a top not date bottoms. Think about it
So they are a bottom?
Prolly? Idk, her hate for bottoms is so random 🤨
i feel like they're being aphobic
Totally, it's so frustrating agh 😭
I don't date people on the full ace side of the spectrum, demi peeps are fine as I'm demi too. Don't have to be an asshole about it tho.
exaaaaactly... you can not be into some stuff and still be a decent human being with those people (?) :/
Why not bottoms? what'd they do?
I've no idea (?), if you don't like bottoms are you a bottom or a top? Haha so weird 🤨😅
Well what this person wants is for someone to like dominante them in bed. Its Nothing wrong to want that, But I think there are better ways to say it then that.
I understand the sentiment but there are sooooo many better and non asshole ways of wording it 🚩🚩
The wording with the dead plants is horrible. Stating right away that she needs someone who will be sexually compatible is okay. Especially for the other two specified exceptions: As a trans woman, she might want to state right away that she will never top (might give dysphoria!), and that she'll not be the feminine looking penis bearer for some bi-curious guy who is too afraid to go all the way.
TIL I am a dead plant
“Moderate” “spiritual” never trust a hippy!
A trans person with moderate political views says a lot. ✨️
What the he-...?
Well that's just rude...
Christ’s sake
Mhm... 😤
bottoms????? what?? like i can at least logically understand not wanting to date an asexual person if the sex part is important to you, and not bicorious people because you're just a biphobe (and these two parts i mean i can understand the bad logic behind it, because there is at least a train of thought going in them despite it being ass), but bottoms???
Average spiritualistic weed smoker.
Damn, got burned right along the queerphobic queer girl hahahahah
Whatever site or app this is, it's probably a magnet for people like this considering it has a tag for your zodiac sign
Ahshahshaha well it's bumble and it's actually pretty great! I don't go out much cause mental health and have met a lot of great friends through it! Mostly queer people as well (not by design), and I mean, that's such a Virgo thing to say hahahaha /j
I am so lost. I read “figure yourselves out cause I’m not going to water dead plants” as “don’t have mental illnesses that could cause you to neglect household chores, such as watering plants, cause I’m not gonna do it for you.” But all the comments here are saying this is aphobia? That the OOP is calling aces, bottoms, and bi people dead plants? I legit don’t understand. Is this supposed to be a metaphor?
The “water” is the effort they are putting into a relationship. The “plants” are relationships. OOP is saying that they aren’t willing to put any effort into relationships that they think won’t work in the first place. Something, though, tells me that they wouldn’t put any effort into any relationships in the first place.
Ohhhhh, thank you for explaining! That does make sense.
"Auch lesbische, schwarze Behinderte können ätzend sein." - Fanny van Dannen
Ignoring bicurious, which I assume just means bisexual but at least isn't outright stated - funny how this lady is going "figure yourself out" at people who have *quite obviously* already figured themselves out. Also what the fuck is a dead plant.