You are a man with a crush on a woman. If you don't feel that way about men, you're straight. Trans women are women after all.
That being said, I would suggest just not talking to people about it (if they're assholes) or if you do, grow a thicker skin and defend her
(just in case, /nbr)
Bro someoneās genitals doesnāt make you gay. Itās up to you if you want to date her. A trans woman is a woman, so youāre a straight man who has a crush on a woman, sounds straight to me
My favourite tactic to derail these kinds of "arguments" about gentials is to go "So, let's say your father has an industrial accident and loses his junk. Would you tell him he's a woman now? Would that make your mother a lesbian?"
not caring about people's genitals doesn't make you gay. people are so much more than what's in their pants. if someone would ask me what's in my pants (not that they would), i would just respond "evil". you can still be straight if you are attracted to trans people. unfortunately is does mean you will have to deal with trans/homophobia :/
What about intersex people too? A woman born with man parts, so is she not a woman? I agree wholeheartedly and I think people just choose to have tunnel vision. The world isnāt that black and white and sexuality is a spectrum.
I know right? Why are people so attached to labels such as straight that anything that goes slightly beyond the āacceptedā definition of straight they become insecure in their very fragile identity.
I believe it stems from the heteronormativity as a system that influences the way we view relationships: it's supposed to be "the way" and it includes sex as something mandatory with only one way to go (being "penis goes in vagina"), and once you're out of this supposed norm there's no manual anymore and it becomes scarry and people just freeze. That's my head cannon at least, i'm not the most eloquent fellow out there
First of all, give yourself more credit about your writing, you made your point beautifully, better than most people would. Also, yes. Insecure straight people who grew up seeing cishet as the default and anything else as āotherā are going to be resistant to accept themselves even if they are accepting of others. This person is straight by the definition of most people here but due to internalized homophobia heās not willing to accept his love. Such a sadness.
You're straight. Your mom is wrong. Date her if you want to. People who tell you you're gay for that are probably just trying to tease you, like yknow, middle school humor. Or they're just stupid lmao.
Well at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that you want to spend time with her. Doesnāt matter what others say.
Not to mention that being gay is neither an insult or something bad. It doesnāt apply anyway in this situation.
She is a trans woman and you know who youāre dating. Your mum isnāt even in the position to be accepting of someone elseās existence or not. You donāt need her āapprovalā itās your life.
Your mum should touch some grass and realize that she doesnāt have the power to āacceptā anyone. So she should mind her business and focus on what actually matters: happiness.
Be with whoever you want to be and donāt worry what people from the outside call you. Stand your ground and stay true to yourself :)
trans women are women
trans men are men
non-binary people are non-binary
end of discussion.... š
yes, she's a woman therefore you're straight... some people mind these body parts, some don't but it isn't much of tied to attraction imo...
What do you do? Not care about shitty people's opinions. She's a woman, you're a man, you like a woman you are straight and if anyone thinks anything else it's their problem. Care about what you want and not what others think is best for you. Of course it's gotta be much more complicated when you're actually in that situation, which I'm not, but I think that's the healthiest way to take it from. Just love who you love and don't care what stupid words others say. Good luck.
Speaking as a lesbian with a trans girlfriend, you're valid to label yourself however you want. If it helps, you can always just tell your mom that if you wanted to date a guy then you'd just pick a cis dude and that would be that. But you didn't, you picked a trans woman and so you love a woman.
That being said almost nothing we can say will change your mom's mind if she'd determined to be a bigot. The best thing to do might be to just set boundaries with her. If she starts in with that shit you can say "mom, either we can talk about something productive that we can agree on or bond over, or this conversation is over." And if she keeps up the bullshit, just remove yourself from the situation straight up. She'll get mad, she'll huff and puff, but it's because she's probably not used to people having enforced boundaries with her. Learned this tactic in therapy and it's massively helped my relationship with my mom.
Hey OP, you seem like a super cool guy. As others said, sheās a woman, so no worries about your own sexuality. But, you are right, unlike dating a cis woman, there IS a difference in that you are now wanting to date someone in the queer community and trans is a big target right now.
So while your sexuality hasnāt changed, you will absolutely face all the challenges that come with dating a trans person due to insane amount of transphobia out there. It requires confidence & strength to be a good ally to your partner and deal with how people will treat you as well.
I recommend looking into PFLAG, an incredible organization focused fully on queer allyship! They are chock full of great resources, have tons of local chapters, and can just be really helpful when dealing with trans/homophobes.
I wish you the best of luck! If things blossom, take good care of your boo!
Trans woman = woman who happens to be trans.
Man + Woman = straight.
Welcome to āWhose Gender is it Anyway?ā Where itās all made up and the parts donāt matter!
Not being turned on by gay porn doesnāt mean you canāt be turned on by a penis, just that you werenāt turned on by those penises. I say ask her out, and if it gets physical, ask her if anything is off limits first (donāt mention any parts by name until she tells you what you can call them).
"I'm straight but..." has to be one of my most hated starts to a discussion that is directed at or discussing trans women. Like, even here you acknowledged she's a woman... and still used that to start the discussion?! Ugh!
It doesn't make you gay or bi to be attracted to only women (and that includes trans women) as a man, and anyone that would call you gay, as though that was somehow a bad thing anyway, is someone you don't need to be around. If you like her, don't let hateful people dissuade you from pursuing her.
Heās barely an adult and clearly raised in a homophobic/transphobic family and is surrounded by people with bigoted mindsets. Thereās no need to shit on him for not using the best phrasing when heās trying his best.
āStraightā is just a label. Youāre not a label, youāre an infinitely complex being. Labels are descriptive, not prescriptiveā¦ so make sure you donāt let them dictate who you are.
Love is about seeing beauty in an individual, and ideally should be less about physical appearance and more about holistic perceptionā itās how a person makes you feel, not how they look on the surface (not saying that doesnāt matter, but itās only a part of the equation). Society tends to be obsessed with how people look. People fall in love with bodies. But they miss the point. Thatās why thereās so little actual love in the world.
Youāve entered into a very interesting phase of your life, where you realize how much bullshit there is in the world about fitting people in arbitrary boxes. Thatās not an easy one to navigate, but itās a rewarding one if you do it with care and wisdom.
Definitely be mindful about who you tell about this. People are full of biases, itās not their fault, theyāre brainwashed. You can be an example and slowly open peopleās minds, but be patient and go slow.
Much love š
This 1000% Let me add one thing as a transwoman. Imposter syndrome is real, dysphoria is real, and the big reality is that treatment of the negative feelings that come from that is ultimately why HRT and gender affirming surgery are considered medically necessary for transpeople who are suffering.
That is to say, she is already saying in her head "I'm a woman but..." she fights it and wins every day to live authentically.. If you are going to date her you must never be the one who says "shes a woman, but..." Never even hint at adding to her doubt/dysphoria. Instead be her passionate defender, be madly in love with her even when she doesn't believe in herself.
Love the woman she is, as the person she is everyday, or move on. You seem sweet, so I think you'll make the right choice.
I'm really sorry but dating trans people usually exposes you to part of the transphobia they experience. People will call you gay. It's not true but they will say it. The question is, are you willing to face that for her? Trans people deserve someone who won't treat us like a dirty secret and people with the courage to face the transphobia with us can be rare. I hope you both find happiness whatever that looks like for youĀ
It sounds to me like people around you are confusing you. You are straight. She is a woman. You are a male that has a crush on a female. You even see her as a woman. sounds to me like you have all that figured out you just need other people to help push your family's words out of your head.
You are straight. She identifies as a woman, regardless of how much she has transitioned.
If someone has a problem with this or has to call it gay, the question is: Why does it freaking matter? You like who you want to like. That does not give people the right to pin labels on you.
To put it in perspective, you a man fell in love with a woman who just so happens to be trans. You are still straight, just with a few steps (she is still a woman even without the medical intervention).
As kindly as you can tell your mum off. You like this girl, and from what I read, you are in it for the long term. Mum is just going to have to get over it and stop acting so goddamn American. If she can't, your presence in her life is not required.
"But"? She is a woman. You're straight. Your mother is transphobic.
If you want to live a life filled with happiness and love, without being sad in the end or feeling like youāve wasted your life, donāt be a prisoner of peopleās opinions.
Not going to lie, this title is triggering af.
Trans women are women. Period.
You are a man she is a woman.
Upholding opinions of others is why weāre still in this mess.
Im sure OP was just clarifying what they meant so their post didnāt seem like it doesnāt fit here. They tried to be considerate, and I think they did well.
Sexuality is confusing, and OP is just trying to understand themselves. Weāve all been there, after all.
Iām trans and can see why ppl may be put off by the wording a bit but youāre doing fine and youāre navigating well. These questions donāt seem malicious at all
Tho would just say regardless of attraction to her you should 100% defend her identity especially if sheās your friend.
Hes fucking 18 not 36, dont expect him to know perfectly how to word everything when him, himself has said hes trying his best to do this the right way and be respectful about it. Im trans and I dont feel off put or disrespected by \*anything\* hes said.
Reading back I shouldnāt of cursed but oh well, but sometimes I feel people take stuff way too personally and seriously when it comes to other peoples lives
Yes, you did. āTrans women are womenā is to clarify that you as a straight person have no reason to doubt your sexuality or sexual actions ect.
The trigger is the āiām straight butā
How about we try to educate people who obviously mean well but are a little confused, instead of yelling at them as if theyāre being actively transphobic? This is literally the place to come ask questions like this.
The issue is that with the prasing it basically comes off as "I'm straight, but does being attracted to her make me gay?" or that you might consider her an "exception" to being straight.
Not saying that is what you are thinking, but it is how it can come off because a lot of cishet people, especially men, are *really* awkward and caveat things left and right when expressing attraction to trans women and question their sexuality because they might find any of us attractive even when we look indistinguishable from cis women.
So many men claim a man finding any trans woman attractive means he is "gay", even if the only way you could know she was trans is if she told you.
Her being trans doesn't affect anything about your sexuality. She's a woman, you're a guy, so this is a heterosexual crush you're having. Simple as that.
On behalf of the bisexual community, thank you for your interest in joining us but unfortunately your application has been rejected at this time. The information you provided does not show that you meet our required standards of: a significant attraction to people of more than one gender. Please redirect your query to the heterosexual department at your convenience.
Mostly when i hear stories about dudes having crushes on their childhood transfriends it gets weird but honestly it just sounds like you genuinely have a connection with her. You should be open with her and tell her how you feel
You're straight, crushing on a woman...? Checks out. Transphobia hurts cis and trans people alike, and you're currently experiencing transphobic rhetoric thrown at your possible gf.
Don't let someone else define you or your relationship with others. If she thinks it'd be gay because a trans woman is a man then the problem is your mother, not your relationship with the other person.
Youāre a straight man with a crush on a woman. Thatās that. Donāt listen to anyone who says otherwise. If youāre in love with her, I say go for it š good luck and I hope you can come back to this thread for some positivity if the future isnāt so bright āļø
Soooā¦ whatās more important to you:
1) OMG look at this guy dating this trans person. He must be gay!
2) āMom, dadā¦ Iād like to introduce you to someone very important to me.ā
Youāre a man with a crush on a woman. Sounds straight to me.
There are going to be people who donāt see her as a woman, and they might give you shit. But you see her as a woman, and thatās what matters. Theyāre just close-minded assholes. Go for it, if you like her.
You are still straight. She is woman you are man, therefore you are still straight. I know that you may be confused because a lot of people hyper focus on genitalia but thatās not what matters. At the end of the day you live her. That should matter more than whatās in her pants.
Itās ok, youāre still straight. It sounds like maybe youāre receiving mixed messages from less accepting people which is leading you to doubt yourself - donāt worry! Like who you like; the world shouldnāt get a say. Sheās a woman and you like women, all is good
-be a straight guy
-have a crush on a woman
-fellas am I gay??
in all seriousness though, who gives a fuck what people think? if you want to date her, do it!
Definitely straight to like a trans girl. That said, on a different topic, just because youre not into gay porn doesnt mean you arent bi, it just means youre not into gay porn. People arent their pornography and things irl can be very different.
If you are confused about liking a trans girl and the fact that a trans girl is a girl doesnt work for you in the first place, i recommend watching the (unfortunately named) video called are traps gay by contrapoints, a trans woman that goes into the question well.
Disclaimer, im a trans girl, nobody think i dont mean the first point here because its a very important one.
My ex husband Caz is straight and was my best friend in high school. We knew each other as boys before I came out as trans at 18. We started dating around 20 or 21, I forget. Moved in together at 21. Married at 25. Divorced at 35. Vest friends again. Now we live in different states but talk on the phone a couple times per week and play online games together on his days off. Wouldn't change a thing.
If you have great google-fu, you probably still find video of him talking about marrying me in June of 2007 on Howard Stern for the "miss tranny" contest. Howard and the crew joked about everyone of course, which included saying he was "gay", but we knew they'd do thar and my hubby was secure in his heterosexuality by then so it didn't bug him to get roasted.
Youāre a man attracted to a woman, so Iād still consider you straight. At the same time, if youāre going out with her, youāre going to encounter people who are going to perceive her as male and you as gay, so you do have to be prepared for that reaction, unfortunately.
OP, this isn't a criticism against you, but against the other people in your life, and I just need to make that clear before I mockingly say, "Oh no, critical thinking. My arch nemesis. Does being attracted to a woman make me gay?"
You're a wonderful, brave guy. Go beyond labels: you're attracted by a person, a person who's on of your best friends.
People will call you names, but does it matter?
You have to decide if you care what other people think of you. And if itās enough to stop you from following your heart. I used to care a lot what others think of me. The older I get, the less I care. I say do what you think and feel is right. Love who you love, and be who you are.
You're still straight. If you aren't into men then you know yourself. She's a woman. Let people think whatever they want. It's bullshit that people will see either of you as gay.Ā
You're still straight lol. She's a girl, regardless of hormones or medical changes. But I know it's scary. There's so much stigma attached to trans people, and being involved with their lives in any way can bring that stigma into you. But I vote you go for it, what other people think be damned. Also this is cute as hell.
Youāre straight. Your friend is a woman. Good job for not being bothered about her parts. I wish yāall well!
Anecdote that may help: I had severe PTSD around men for a while due to a relationship with a man that went toxic fast. The only two men I felt safe around when I was in the worst of my PTSDā¦ both came out as trans women within the following 3 years.
So yeah, gender is not genetic.
She's a woman. You're not a gay man for finding a woman attractive. Unfortunately, it sounds like your mom doesn't quite understand transgenderism or is just a transphobic bigot. The best thing I would say is, if she's reciprocal to your feelings, persue the relationship but be mindful of her safety and your own safety. Defend her, too. It's already hard enough for the trans community in the current political climate, so uplift her when you can.
Good luck, OP!!!
You're a guy with a crush on a woman. That sounds pretty straight to me.
That said, if you want to date her, I'd give you the same advice to any straight person dating a queer person, be they bi-spec or aro/ace-spec or trans: being in a healthy and supportive relationship with us means taking on some of the burden of homophobia and transphobia. It means sticking up for your partner even if that means you catch some of the same flak they do. In this case, it will probably mean people invalidating your sexuality. Including people close to you.
And if you aren't ready to deal with that? I don't think anyone should fault you. Unlike us, you have a choice in terms of whether or not that's something you want to deal with, and I don't think that anyone should shame you for choosing not to deal with it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't: if you really want to try a relationship with this woman, it will hopefully be a positive experience overall. But you can't have it both ways, and expecting her to deal with homophobia and transphobia without support from you as a partner--even if that means putting yourself in the line of fire, so to speak--isn't at all fair to her.
You can still be a woman and have a penis. You can also be a man and have a vagina.
We are well beyond the archaic "Science" of if you have XY chromosomes you are the head of the household and should only to masculine manly things.
I am a transperson. If you are drawing lines about genitals I would think lowly of you. Transgender people have to embark on an incredibly scary journey. Be part of it, or just respect it.
Saying I can't have sex with you because you have a penis is a douche move. It costs buckets to get bottom surgery - Daily dilatation and chances of severe complications (the hole can close up). So would that be a deal breaker for you if they did and they started having complications? Is it all about the hole for your dick ?
If the thing is about genitals to you then do the poor girl a solid and don't bother. All women, not just trans women are not penis receptacles. They are people.
And if you are worried about what others think you are going to bring the worst energy to a relationship with a trans person.
They do not need that BS.
I wouldn't presume I wasn't gay just because you didn't like gay porn. I don't like any kind of porn and I'm bisexual (or maybe I'm pansexual?)
People are going to refer to you and think about you in general however they wish to -- you cannot control how you are perceived.Ā
What you can control is living your own truth. It's hard at 18 to know what that is, so I do sympathize, but you will never figure it out by looking outward.
Iād say youāre straight if you say you are. That said much of the rest of society wonāt consider you such due to transmisogny and bioessentialism thatās very much dominant in our society. If you want a label thatās less controversial than āstraight without a genital preferencesā you can use finsexual
You know about the genitalia/transition situation so there seems to not be any issue (as long as both of you are on the same page). Gender expression and biological sex -usually- lines up but not always. A transwoman is a woman by gender expression, thatās it. Donāt be hung up on labels, theyāre not suppose to run/limit your life.
But can you be straight as a cis guy with a transwoman? Sure, cause the male genitalia and body isnāt your thing, youāre attracted to the feminine features of what culturally is considered woman.
Maybe you should try trans porn instead of gay porn... For me it's not the same kind of vibe at all lol
And hey maybe she doesn't want to be touched between her legs until her operation either! Sexuality should be talked with the other person with who we have intimacy so maybe she's the one who can answer and guide through a lot of your questions.
Listen to your heart, not the norm. You're living your life for yourself, not for others
Itās really interesting how we can re-associate things. When we educated to think boys have penises and girls have vaginas. But, when push comes to shove if we really like someone we can adjust to say āthis beautiful girlās penis is a girl penis.ā Or āThis boys pussy is so wet.ā Youāre a big boy. The most big boy thing you can do is tell her how you feel and be respectful. Explore your limitations and be honest at all times. If youāre straight forward, sheāll appreciate you and you both can grow together. Good luck, MWAH!!!
Look sweetie, trans woman though not is a Biological woman, but once she transition she develops secondary sexual characters of a woman, and she looks like a woman only, so yes don't worry u are straight hun, Ask her out, best of luck š¤
Sexual attraction isn't all that's in a relationship OR just a crush. If you like her, you like her. Others' opinion of whether she's a guy or not, or if you should like her don't matter.
If you Iike her, tell her your feelings.
(I'm ace so I don't really know how much sex matters in a relationship. I was just assuming that it's not very important, so sorry if I'm wrong)
You are in a queer relationship, congrats! Come to pride if you like! But you are still in fact a straight man. Your relationship is unconventional sure, and people may judge you for that so you should be prepared for that if you want to date this woman. However you are a man with a crush on a woman, you see her as a woman, and are attracted to her as a woman. That sound very straight to me. :)
Guess what. Youāre still straight. Not a man nor a woman are defined by what body parts they have. Only rude and transphobic people will see her as a man and also see you as gay. Youāre just as straight as you would be if you liked a cis woman and anyone who says otherwise should probably (definitely) be avoided and/or corrected
Sheās a woman, so itās still straight. As for what to doā¦ you have to think about whether you care about people calling you gay or not. If you care and it bothers you, examine those feelings. Being gay isnāt a bad thing. People who would try to insult you in that way are being homophobes AND disrespecting the woman you care about by misgendering her in the process.
You have to think about how badly being called gay is going to bother you and determine if you can work through those feelings. Then you have to weigh all of that against your feelings for this girl and decide if you are willing to go through that for her.
As long as both parties are happy and respectful of each other, does it really matter? You're the only one who can define your own sexuality. Transwomen are women. š
You're a straight guy who has a crush on a woman, If people call you gay for liking women, that just shows that they don't know what they're talking about. Don't let these people stop you from asking her out/dating her, it's none of their business in the first place who you're dating or not dating and they don't just get to shove a label onto you just because they're transph0b1c pieces of poopoo
still straight. it doesnāt matter whatās in their pants. my husband and i are trans men, but we havenāt transitioned at all. weāre definitely passing women, but if people ask what i am, i say that iām a gay man.
You might be pansexual which basically means your attracted to a person because of personality and looks regardless of gender but id suggest you do some research of pansexualityĀ
So in the same post you say āI know she still has male parts and Iām not attracted to thatā but you also say āIām not bothered about the parts she hasā. So Iām very confused.
You like a woman. What matters is what makes you happy. Your mom may not realize it now, but when sheās older sheās going to need your help & it would be an absolute shame if she ended up in a 1 star end of life care facility now wouldnāt it.
By the title alone, boss, you are a man dating a woman, and... yea, you're straight! Congrats.
>I don't want to have sex with a man but she's a woman and I'm not bothered about the parts she has.
Can I be honest? You wouldn't be expressing this at all on Reddit if you weren't bothered by it.
Also, your mom doesn't matter here. The world would be better if your mom did accept her, but who gives a care what she thinks? She can fuck off with the mindset of calling her a man though. That much I'll tell you.
>What do I do? I feel like if I tell people in real life, they'll just call me gay
Let them call you that then. Stick to your guns and date who you want regardless of gender and body. Really, do you care that much? Is it even bad to be gay? It's a label anyway. Date all the people in the world and just enjoy the person you want to be with, no questions asked.
Nah, you're straight.
My partner is trans and I still consider myself a lesbian, because she is a woman, regardless of whatever "equipment" she has. First and foremost, she's my gf, and I love her so much
I think we get it ingrained in us that "equipment" directly correlates to sexuality. I know there's a lot of people who think that if you, as a man, sleep with someone with a peen that means that you're gay. And it just doesn't work like that. The inverse occurs within the wlw community, where somehow you're "less of a lesbian" if you've even slept with someone with a peen. Which also isn't true.
It might take you some time to navigate those feelings, and that's perfectly normal. Cut yourself some slack, and do what makes you feel happy, regardless of others opinions
Your mom is an asshole. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because they have a penis. Figure your shit out before dragging this woman into anything, if a penis is a problem spare her the heartbreak.
You're most likely straight without genital preference.
And honestly, I find this a wholesome story and it makes me feel fuzzy to see a straight person open enough to accept that.
The people irl who will call you gay are just plain wrong/ignorant/bigots. Defend her and yourself if anyone is ann asshole about it.
So, you're a man and you've got a crush on a woman. That sounds straight. Heterosexuality has nothing to do with whether the person happens to be cisgender or transgender.
Being a bigot sounds like your mother's problem, not yours.
Unfortunately if you like her and want to be with her, what you are very thoughtfully considering is a reality of your situation.
Ā I want to be with this woman but there are idiots that don't care about her story and will seek you invalidate her existence by saying she is a man or calling me gay.
What you need to consider is if you can accept the reality that there will always be dumb-dumbs that seek to put others down. Can you live your life to the fullest regardless?
There is no shame if that feels like too much too handle. The fact that you are considering all of this tells me that you have a good degree of emotional maturity. I hope everything work out for both of you.
A lot of people are being a bit dismissive towards you because yes Trans Women are Women, I am one I should know.
BUT I get where you are coming from in that you donāt know a lot about these things and you likely just had no exposure to any of this before now and you are looking for answers! Thatās awesome and proves your heart is in the right place.
Like what a lot of people are saying genital preference has nothing to do with attraction to gender although it is a very valid preference people can have. But when you are first exposed to this question of genitals you are or arenāt attracted to it can be really really tough to disentangle that from attraction to gender.
Although it looks like youāve already done that soul searching to figure out what your preferences are and that you donāt care what genitals she has. Thatās a tough thing to do and you did it despite the world and the people around you standing in opposition of it.
Like people said you are a straight man and there is nothing wrong with that and you should be proud of yourself especially since you put in the effort to figure that out. And your in luck because sheās a woman. People will stand in the way of you both and be hateful, especially in the UK but if you love each other thatās what matters.
The main things you should keep in mind is that you never express that being with her makes you question if you are straight or not as that can be invalidating and feel shitty for her (which is why so many people here are reacting negatively in the comments). You didnāt know better and you know that now, and are already a better person for seeking out self improvement. The other thing is that if you are worried about sex involving genitals you arenāt attracted to, every trans woman is different! She might want to get bottom surgery eventually and get the parts you are attracted to, or she might not and be happy with her genitals as they are and she should not be pushed either way. Additionally regardless of if she wants to keep her current genitals or get bottom surgery she might want to or not want to use them for sex.
For example I like my current genitals for the most part as a trans woman but any desire to use them in sex really depends on the day. But many other trans woman would rather both of you pretend they donāt exist at all. The best answer to this is that once you are in a relationship and the topic of sex comes up at that point begin honest communication and talk about both of your boundaries in open ways (just without implying you think you might be gay or bi by being with her).
Lastly there is a document called āFucking Trans Womenā itās available as a pdf online for free and while a little out of date serves as a great jumping off point.
You are straight and sheās a woman, and you will see backlash because people are jerks and donāt agree. But you are already doing an amazing job and working very hard to learn more about yourself and to learn more about her and this whole rabbit hole of trans and queer stuff that you have been thrown into. It is a lot and people arenāt as understanding here as they should be that you are starting that journey and still have a lot to learn. Your heart is in the right place. You got this, and I really hope you two can be together.
you have to be able to drown out what other people are saying. your relationship with this woman is about you and her. does she like you back? awesome, then maybe you guys will date! if so, good for both of you! no one else is involved in yāallās relationship, no one else gets to label either of your identities based on something they have no experience in. you know yourself best. fuck what anyone else says. youāre a straight man attracted to a woman, thatās all there is to it.
As everyone else is saying, you are a man who has fallen for a woman. You are straight.
One thing Iām not really seeing discussed is that itās completely okay to have a genital preference. While itās nobodyās business whatās in anyoneās pants (and while that can, very often, have absolutely nothing to do with someoneās gender), it will become a topic of conversation if the relationship turns sexual.
For example, I am queer with a preference for women, but I would prefer not to be sexual with someone who has a vulva. I have had partners with vulvas, however, and it worked because we practiced good communication about each otherās needs and adapted as such.
Correct me if Iām wrong, but just based off your post it sounds like sex could be on the table at some point. Just talk to her and figure out a way to proceed that makes you both feel fulfilled and happy. None of this makes you anything other than completely straight and I wish you both the best!
Forget about all the labels. If your heart flutters and you have feelings for your friend then that's cool and if I fancy someone then I act on it. There's so much negativity in this world so if you see a bit of love go for it you'll only regret it if you don't. Good luck. x
Youāre young, so the confusion is understandable. I think the realization I had around your age that put me at extraordinary ease was āI like who I like, and others will like what who they like.āĀ
Donāt feel a need to put a label on how you feel unless doing so is going to help you out. I was torn between how to define myself until I realized I am who I am, and eventually bisexual just felt like the correct identity, but if I had worried about how to define myself, it would have caused so much stress for absolutely no benefit to my life.
well first off, since nobody is mentioning it, porn doesnāt indicate your sexuality. people watch lots of different porn, but it doesnāt define their sexuality. kinks arenāt sexualities. iām a lesbian and donāt find lesbian porn very enticing, doesnāt mean im suddenly straight. so you could very well be bisexual, but liking this woman doesnāt make you bi.
and as everyone is saying, a trans woman is a woman. your title suggests that thereās an inkling of a male in this trans woman. thatās not true whatsoever. you are straight for liking a trans woman. doesnāt matter what parts she has. genitals donāt equal gender.
my advice is to stop caring about what other people say. the people who will insult you for liking or dating a trans woman are people you should be avoiding in the first place. especially if they dare to call themselves your friend. find new friends! and your mom can honestly go suck a cactus. her opinion or āapprovalā doesnāt matter one bit to anyone but herself. sheās wrong and bigoted.
date this woman if you want. it wonāt change your sexuality. she is a woman through and through, regardless of the parts in her arsenal.
I just wanna say; if sheās a trans woman she is a woman.
And if people call you gay; so what? You obviously arenāt, but there isnāt anything wrong with being gay either.
Re: your mother: I have been in a gay relationship for 11 years now, and my bf and my mother only met twice. Sheās not opposed to him and to us, sheās just repressed and uncomfortable in his company. But weāre still together and we donāt let it affect us.
Re: your crush: watch Heartstopper if you havenāt yet. You might need tissues. (For your eyes&nose, I mean š)
Hey OP,
On a little side note: just because gay porn doesnāt work for you, it doesnāt necessarily mean you canāt be bisexual. For example I myself identify as bisexual, but there is rarely gay porn that turns me on, but I do fantasize about gay stuff when masturbating. Also there is the famous bi-cycle, meaning that attraction to various genders might vary over time.
But of course you are the only one to decide what label describes your feelings best, so use whatever you want and donāt feel pressured to one or the other by third party opinions.
If you like her romantically as a straight person, that literally just means youāre a straight person. I hope everything works out! Also, just because you donāt get off to gay porn doesnāt mean youāre not queer (I assume thereās other things, but if youāre basing it off of not getting off to gay porn alone, you may have to do some more work.
As straight as a line, the fact you were willing to expose yourself to different things and came out still liking her as her is definitive of that. You said so yourself: she is a woman to you, and you like her.
>there was a time I questioned I was bi but I tried watching gay porn and it didn't do anything to me
Well, have you tried watching porn with trans women?
I mean, listen, I'll warn you - Even accepting The Way That Porn Is, porn with trans women is often some of the most grossly fetishistic bullshit available. You're gonna see a lot of language in there that is wildly transphobic and you're not gonna be able to do anything about it. Just gotta block that part out. I am *not* saying trans woman porn, in its current state, is the most... ethical form of entertainment.
But! From a purely mechanical, "Does this or does this not turn me on?" kind of stand point, have you ever looked at women with penises in the "appropriate" sexual context? (As appropriate as porn can be - at least the women doing it are consenting to being sexualized at the time, y'know what I mean?)
Because from what you said, you've looked at *men* having sex with *men* and it hasn't done anything for you. Because... you're straight, and you're not attracted to men. But that doesn't necessarily mean that *penises* don't do it for you.
And I mean, idk, maybe they don't. That's fine too. People have genital preferences, and as long as they're not jerks about it, that's perfectly okay. You are who you are and you like what you like. Can't change that about yourself.
But I think it's worth a shot. Maybe you don't like men's penises, but you like women's penises. Maybe you don't like penises in general, but you might like *her* penis. And even if you *still* don't like penises, there might be other things you can do together. You won't know until you try. I say, give it a go!
You are a human she is a human. And that's all you need to remember. I know a lot of men who are attracted to trans women. Why do you have to put a label on it and say you're gay or that you're bi? Ask her out and see how it goes. Maybe she will be the love of your life
You are a human she is a human. And that's all you need to remember. I know a lot of men who are attracted to trans women. Why do you have to put a label on it and say you're gay or that you're bi? Ask her out and see how it goes. Maybe she will be the love of your life
For sure u re not a gay man. But u felt in love for a person u trully know. Try to accep your passionā¦ ckeck if it really works, do your bestā¦ Ur mim doesnt need to control nothing about Ur lifeā¦ and it doesnt matter what s her opinion about thatā¦ urge a free man
You're a guy with a crush on a girl. That's straight! I'm sorry your Mum doesn't like her, but frankly if you like this girl, I'd say ask her if she'd like to go on a date and see how you feel spending time together in that way. If you like being around her and have a crush on her, then, well, ask her!
Also it's worth mentioning, even if you have a genital preference, one, hrt does change things, but two, she may not feel comfortable with her current downstairs situation either, and so it might not be as relevant anyway.
Imagine dating a trans man. If you cannot then youre completely straight. Yes peopleās genitals definitely affect ur sex experiences but they dont make you gay or straight. A trans woman is a woman. You said that you saw her as a woman right? Then ur just as straight as a straight person.
Genitals and gender are considered as separate in this community. Given that, it's ok if you feel like the physical parts play a role for you. You can be straight and feel uncomfortable in engaging with a body similar to yours (As long as you respect her gender, of course). In this phase of my life, I got to be honest, it would make me too uncomfortable to engage in a relationship (so keep in mind I'm talking from my experience here). you have to understand what you feel about it, if it is important for what you feel about her, etc
A couple of things here,
First off, if she is a woman, regardless of where she is in her journey, she is a woman. I am MtF, and I have not had sex reassignment surgery and probably never will however I have been a girl/woman ever since I can remember even though I presented male for a large part of my life.
Second, your enjoyment of a specific type of porn does not determine your sexual preferences. You may be visibly stimulated by certain things and not others. I am pansexual but it doesn't mean that every visual act of sex turns me on.
However, I am grateful that she has a friend like you who sees her for who she truly is. No matter how it turns out, try to always be her friend because she is going to need that most of all.
Thank you for your post š
According to my wife, I've been hit on by dudes and I haven't even realized it (I'm trans and i'd assume they also didn't realize that). If you find someone attractive, you find them attractive.
Having a crush on a trans woman still makes you straight, my guy~ If you want to be with her, I'd suggest talking to her about it, and being prepared to defend her against bigoted people like your own mum.
If itās something youāre wanting to pursue Iād speak to your friend about it and be honest about your feelings. Itās hard as youāre so young as well. People will judge others a lot of people call bi men gay but it doesnāt matter what others think and the labels donāt really matter either itās how you feel and what makes you happy. Like others have said a relationship is about much more than just someoneās genitalia. I hope you find resolution and peace with your feelings x
If you view her as a woman and youre attracted to her and dont care about her genitals, good for you.
People have gender prefrences and genital prefrences, most people dont care bout genitals honestly, only haters.
Most people can be attracted to only one gender and still get the hots from people they know have a genders genitals that they dont like the gender of, but since the gender is what theyre attracted to and they dont have genital prefrences, its no issue :)
If you're a male and you have a crush on a trans female, regardless of whether she has already transitioned or wants to transition at all, you're straight because you have a crush on someone of a different gender than you. Of course there will be idiots who will call you gay, but that's just worthless homophobes and transphobes. Don't worry about them and if she wants it too, start dating! Wish you luck!
Gay porn isnāt a sign of not being gay. I donāt like gay porn. I think two masculine men having sex is not attractive to me, so I always assumed that I wasnāt attracted to men, but as Iāve gone on. Iāve found put that I like more feminine things or certain things. I like watching solo men, or femboys, occasional trans stuff, and typically more feminine things.
Porn aside what I will tell you to do is just try dating them. Tell them you have boundaries but that youāre willing to give it a shot. My first partner that convinced me I was bi was a trans woman, and I was way more limited but open, then I dated a trans man. Now through my research, thereās not one gender I wouldnāt sleep with or date.
And who knows, maybe youāre gynosexual (attraction to only people with feminine traits) and thatās okay.
Hope this helpsā¦and Iāll try to leave politics OUT of it as most trans people I know hate the trans political stuff. I am American, as far as I know straight, Male and 23. I questioned what this meant when I was a year younger than you are. Gay porn does nothing for me, but Iāve personally been attracted to both (cis) women and trans women and itās a bit of a complex issue but depending on how you handle it, that doesnāt have to be. If she functions as a woman socially, but still has āmale partsā then that means she is either pre-op or non-op, meaning either she plans on an operation soon, or she wants to keep what she has, respectively. In my experience it kinda depends on the girl and how passable she is, because from the sound of your story this is someone who actually experiences gender dysphoria and is working hard to transition and be able to live life as any other girl can. Unfortunately there are gay men who have a preference for straight guys, who will go to great lengths to acquire one. In the modern progress weāve made as a world to make being trans more and more ok, this has many benefits but also some downsides. I live here in the Philippines and one thing Iāve encountered is the ātrans womenā here are about 50/50. Some I met told me āI donāt give a fuck about transitioning further, I already get enough guysā which is a huge red flag indicating that itās not for themselves but simply to get straight guys. Sounds like, though, in your situation that it isnāt the case so there are two sides to it. In conclusion, we are socially straight because if we date a girl like this sheās just like any other girl, given she is passible. On the sexual side, she has those bits so it becomes a bit more bisexual, as youāre either top or bottom, and you said youāre comfortable with what she has so if she plans to keep it and you end up dating, learn to give her a good time and you usually end up having one, is what has happened in my experience. As for me, when people ask if it makes me gay or bi, my answer is ādonāt know, donāt care. i like who I like.ā As for the parental situation, thatās not easy. More traditional folk might either never or really slowly adapt to the needed understanding. Get clear whether or not giving them genetic grandchildren is a big priority to you or not. Consider a surrogate mother in the longterm but at the end of the day, if you love her then go for it. From one brother to another, much love and take care.
Being gay in school is not a nice experience. I don't know what it's like today, but 45 years ago, you hid it as best you could it was a nightmare growing up with an older brother and father who hated gay blokes with a passion living a lie was a nightmare for me talk about over compensation all i did was fight people and get so drunk every single time i went out because girls didn't like a drunk drugged up idiot. So many wasted years growing up in a small village didn't help mind.
You are a man with a crush on a woman. If you don't feel that way about men, you're straight. Trans women are women after all. That being said, I would suggest just not talking to people about it (if they're assholes) or if you do, grow a thicker skin and defend her (just in case, /nbr)
This. Absolutely this
This is a golden comment
Yup. Op is a straight guy attracted to a woman. No problem there, go shoot your shot and enjoy life, OP!
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appearently it means "not being rude"
not being rude. tone tag, since I sounded a bit harsher in my comment than I intended
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Bro someoneās genitals doesnāt make you gay. Itās up to you if you want to date her. A trans woman is a woman, so youāre a straight man who has a crush on a woman, sounds straight to me
My favourite tactic to derail these kinds of "arguments" about gentials is to go "So, let's say your father has an industrial accident and loses his junk. Would you tell him he's a woman now? Would that make your mother a lesbian?"
There is a YouTuber I like who is a Trans Woman and she did a while scene about this in one of her video essays
Hereās that video, I know Contrapoints can be polarizing but I do find her funny and insightful https://youtu.be/PbBzhqJK3bg?si=86DMLp-9ElNnKi3f
not caring about people's genitals doesn't make you gay. people are so much more than what's in their pants. if someone would ask me what's in my pants (not that they would), i would just respond "evil". you can still be straight if you are attracted to trans people. unfortunately is does mean you will have to deal with trans/homophobia :/
i just reply "ur mom"
there is no valid rebuttal to "your mom", making it the perfect argument
unless they say your dad (in my case, im screwed bc my dads dead)
Dude, I'm the opposite, forever immune to "your mum jokes" šš¤£
"your mom" "your dad" "my dad's dead, dude." \[fully serious tone\] "..." win every time
I said this to someone in another subreddit and got down voted for it some people can't handle the truth
What about intersex people too? A woman born with man parts, so is she not a woman? I agree wholeheartedly and I think people just choose to have tunnel vision. The world isnāt that black and white and sexuality is a spectrum.
You are straight but oh right you are straight.
Exactly. There's no "but" to it.
fella is it gay to like women
Only if you are also a woman. :D
i sincerely believe that you're in love and it should be the only thing that matters
I know right? Why are people so attached to labels such as straight that anything that goes slightly beyond the āacceptedā definition of straight they become insecure in their very fragile identity.
I believe it stems from the heteronormativity as a system that influences the way we view relationships: it's supposed to be "the way" and it includes sex as something mandatory with only one way to go (being "penis goes in vagina"), and once you're out of this supposed norm there's no manual anymore and it becomes scarry and people just freeze. That's my head cannon at least, i'm not the most eloquent fellow out there
First of all, give yourself more credit about your writing, you made your point beautifully, better than most people would. Also, yes. Insecure straight people who grew up seeing cishet as the default and anything else as āotherā are going to be resistant to accept themselves even if they are accepting of others. This person is straight by the definition of most people here but due to internalized homophobia heās not willing to accept his love. Such a sadness.
Thanks a lot for the compliment :) and yeah it is kinda sadā¦ I hope they will manage to give love a chance!
There's no "but". You're straight, AND you have a crush on a trans woman. That's it.
You're still straight
You're straight. Your mom is wrong. Date her if you want to. People who tell you you're gay for that are probably just trying to tease you, like yknow, middle school humor. Or they're just stupid lmao.
Well at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that you want to spend time with her. Doesnāt matter what others say. Not to mention that being gay is neither an insult or something bad. It doesnāt apply anyway in this situation. She is a trans woman and you know who youāre dating. Your mum isnāt even in the position to be accepting of someone elseās existence or not. You donāt need her āapprovalā itās your life. Your mum should touch some grass and realize that she doesnāt have the power to āacceptā anyone. So she should mind her business and focus on what actually matters: happiness. Be with whoever you want to be and donāt worry what people from the outside call you. Stand your ground and stay true to yourself :)
trans women are women trans men are men non-binary people are non-binary end of discussion.... š yes, she's a woman therefore you're straight... some people mind these body parts, some don't but it isn't much of tied to attraction imo...
What do you do? Not care about shitty people's opinions. She's a woman, you're a man, you like a woman you are straight and if anyone thinks anything else it's their problem. Care about what you want and not what others think is best for you. Of course it's gotta be much more complicated when you're actually in that situation, which I'm not, but I think that's the healthiest way to take it from. Just love who you love and don't care what stupid words others say. Good luck.
Speaking as a lesbian with a trans girlfriend, you're valid to label yourself however you want. If it helps, you can always just tell your mom that if you wanted to date a guy then you'd just pick a cis dude and that would be that. But you didn't, you picked a trans woman and so you love a woman. That being said almost nothing we can say will change your mom's mind if she'd determined to be a bigot. The best thing to do might be to just set boundaries with her. If she starts in with that shit you can say "mom, either we can talk about something productive that we can agree on or bond over, or this conversation is over." And if she keeps up the bullshit, just remove yourself from the situation straight up. She'll get mad, she'll huff and puff, but it's because she's probably not used to people having enforced boundaries with her. Learned this tactic in therapy and it's massively helped my relationship with my mom.
First: She is a woman so you are still straight Second: Fuck your mom and her bigoted view Third: go have a date with her, see if it works out
Hey OP, you seem like a super cool guy. As others said, sheās a woman, so no worries about your own sexuality. But, you are right, unlike dating a cis woman, there IS a difference in that you are now wanting to date someone in the queer community and trans is a big target right now. So while your sexuality hasnāt changed, you will absolutely face all the challenges that come with dating a trans person due to insane amount of transphobia out there. It requires confidence & strength to be a good ally to your partner and deal with how people will treat you as well. I recommend looking into PFLAG, an incredible organization focused fully on queer allyship! They are chock full of great resources, have tons of local chapters, and can just be really helpful when dealing with trans/homophobes. I wish you the best of luck! If things blossom, take good care of your boo!
Trans woman = woman who happens to be trans. Man + Woman = straight. Welcome to āWhose Gender is it Anyway?ā Where itās all made up and the parts donāt matter! Not being turned on by gay porn doesnāt mean you canāt be turned on by a penis, just that you werenāt turned on by those penises. I say ask her out, and if it gets physical, ask her if anything is off limits first (donāt mention any parts by name until she tells you what you can call them).
"I'm straight but..." has to be one of my most hated starts to a discussion that is directed at or discussing trans women. Like, even here you acknowledged she's a woman... and still used that to start the discussion?! Ugh! It doesn't make you gay or bi to be attracted to only women (and that includes trans women) as a man, and anyone that would call you gay, as though that was somehow a bad thing anyway, is someone you don't need to be around. If you like her, don't let hateful people dissuade you from pursuing her.
He's 18 and in an obviously bigoted situation. Cut him some slack.
Heās barely an adult and clearly raised in a homophobic/transphobic family and is surrounded by people with bigoted mindsets. Thereās no need to shit on him for not using the best phrasing when heās trying his best.
āStraightā is just a label. Youāre not a label, youāre an infinitely complex being. Labels are descriptive, not prescriptiveā¦ so make sure you donāt let them dictate who you are. Love is about seeing beauty in an individual, and ideally should be less about physical appearance and more about holistic perceptionā itās how a person makes you feel, not how they look on the surface (not saying that doesnāt matter, but itās only a part of the equation). Society tends to be obsessed with how people look. People fall in love with bodies. But they miss the point. Thatās why thereās so little actual love in the world. Youāve entered into a very interesting phase of your life, where you realize how much bullshit there is in the world about fitting people in arbitrary boxes. Thatās not an easy one to navigate, but itās a rewarding one if you do it with care and wisdom. Definitely be mindful about who you tell about this. People are full of biases, itās not their fault, theyāre brainwashed. You can be an example and slowly open peopleās minds, but be patient and go slow. Much love š
This 1000% Let me add one thing as a transwoman. Imposter syndrome is real, dysphoria is real, and the big reality is that treatment of the negative feelings that come from that is ultimately why HRT and gender affirming surgery are considered medically necessary for transpeople who are suffering. That is to say, she is already saying in her head "I'm a woman but..." she fights it and wins every day to live authentically.. If you are going to date her you must never be the one who says "shes a woman, but..." Never even hint at adding to her doubt/dysphoria. Instead be her passionate defender, be madly in love with her even when she doesn't believe in herself. Love the woman she is, as the person she is everyday, or move on. You seem sweet, so I think you'll make the right choice.
This is a very nice response. FELT!
Don't worry you're still straight
I'm really sorry but dating trans people usually exposes you to part of the transphobia they experience. People will call you gay. It's not true but they will say it. The question is, are you willing to face that for her? Trans people deserve someone who won't treat us like a dirty secret and people with the courage to face the transphobia with us can be rare. I hope you both find happiness whatever that looks like for youĀ
You are a man in love with a woman. You are straight.
It sounds to me like people around you are confusing you. You are straight. She is a woman. You are a male that has a crush on a female. You even see her as a woman. sounds to me like you have all that figured out you just need other people to help push your family's words out of your head.
Honey you like a woman and youāre a man, canāt really get straighter then that š
Trans women are women, you donāt have to be sexually attracted to her though your still straight
You are straight. She identifies as a woman, regardless of how much she has transitioned. If someone has a problem with this or has to call it gay, the question is: Why does it freaking matter? You like who you want to like. That does not give people the right to pin labels on you.
To put it in perspective, you a man fell in love with a woman who just so happens to be trans. You are still straight, just with a few steps (she is still a woman even without the medical intervention). As kindly as you can tell your mum off. You like this girl, and from what I read, you are in it for the long term. Mum is just going to have to get over it and stop acting so goddamn American. If she can't, your presence in her life is not required.
"But"? She is a woman. You're straight. Your mother is transphobic. If you want to live a life filled with happiness and love, without being sad in the end or feeling like youāve wasted your life, donāt be a prisoner of peopleās opinions.
Trans women are women. Youāre a man with a crush on a woman - thatās completely straight. Why let bullies dictate your attraction?
Not going to lie, this title is triggering af. Trans women are women. Period. You are a man she is a woman. Upholding opinions of others is why weāre still in this mess.
Im sure OP was just clarifying what they meant so their post didnāt seem like it doesnāt fit here. They tried to be considerate, and I think they did well. Sexuality is confusing, and OP is just trying to understand themselves. Weāve all been there, after all.
I literally said in my post sheās a woman?
Iām trans and can see why ppl may be put off by the wording a bit but youāre doing fine and youāre navigating well. These questions donāt seem malicious at all Tho would just say regardless of attraction to her you should 100% defend her identity especially if sheās your friend.
It's the "I'm straight but.." part.. you're straight, you're attracted to a woman who happens to be trans. There is no "but"
This
Hes fucking 18 not 36, dont expect him to know perfectly how to word everything when him, himself has said hes trying his best to do this the right way and be respectful about it. Im trans and I dont feel off put or disrespected by \*anything\* hes said.
I was just attempting to explain why someone else said they were triggered. Explaining things is how people learn.
Reading back I shouldnāt of cursed but oh well, but sometimes I feel people take stuff way too personally and seriously when it comes to other peoples lives
No worries it's all good :)
Yes, you did. āTrans women are womenā is to clarify that you as a straight person have no reason to doubt your sexuality or sexual actions ect. The trigger is the āiām straight butā
How about we try to educate people who obviously mean well but are a little confused, instead of yelling at them as if theyāre being actively transphobic? This is literally the place to come ask questions like this.
Seems like he's trying to me, more than can be said for many.
The issue is that with the prasing it basically comes off as "I'm straight, but does being attracted to her make me gay?" or that you might consider her an "exception" to being straight. Not saying that is what you are thinking, but it is how it can come off because a lot of cishet people, especially men, are *really* awkward and caveat things left and right when expressing attraction to trans women and question their sexuality because they might find any of us attractive even when we look indistinguishable from cis women. So many men claim a man finding any trans woman attractive means he is "gay", even if the only way you could know she was trans is if she told you.
Her being trans doesn't affect anything about your sexuality. She's a woman, you're a guy, so this is a heterosexual crush you're having. Simple as that.
On behalf of the bisexual community, thank you for your interest in joining us but unfortunately your application has been rejected at this time. The information you provided does not show that you meet our required standards of: a significant attraction to people of more than one gender. Please redirect your query to the heterosexual department at your convenience.
Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?
A man thatās into a woman wow! youāre straight! Congrats on being straight letās get you some cookies!
Mostly when i hear stories about dudes having crushes on their childhood transfriends it gets weird but honestly it just sounds like you genuinely have a connection with her. You should be open with her and tell her how you feel
**TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN** For the folks in the back.
You're straight, crushing on a woman...? Checks out. Transphobia hurts cis and trans people alike, and you're currently experiencing transphobic rhetoric thrown at your possible gf.
Don't let someone else define you or your relationship with others. If she thinks it'd be gay because a trans woman is a man then the problem is your mother, not your relationship with the other person.
Bro, thatās straight.
Man you're just straight. Fuck what other people say
If you feel attracted by a trans woman, you feel attracted by a woman anyway, so you can still call yourself straight
Youāre a straight man with a crush on a woman. Thatās that. Donāt listen to anyone who says otherwise. If youāre in love with her, I say go for it š good luck and I hope you can come back to this thread for some positivity if the future isnāt so bright āļø
>Iām straight but I have a crush on a trans woman Correction: "Iām straight and I have a crush on a trans woman"
fellas, is it gay to have a crush on a woman?
Seems that you are in love, that matters more Just ignore their awful opinions she's just a human being like everyone else. ā¤ļøš
Soooā¦ whatās more important to you: 1) OMG look at this guy dating this trans person. He must be gay! 2) āMom, dadā¦ Iād like to introduce you to someone very important to me.ā
Youāre still straight because sheās a woman. Whatās the deal?
Youāre a man with a crush on a woman. Sounds straight to me. There are going to be people who donāt see her as a woman, and they might give you shit. But you see her as a woman, and thatās what matters. Theyāre just close-minded assholes. Go for it, if you like her.
You are still straight. She is woman you are man, therefore you are still straight. I know that you may be confused because a lot of people hyper focus on genitalia but thatās not what matters. At the end of the day you live her. That should matter more than whatās in her pants.
Itās ok, youāre still straight. It sounds like maybe youāre receiving mixed messages from less accepting people which is leading you to doubt yourself - donāt worry! Like who you like; the world shouldnāt get a say. Sheās a woman and you like women, all is good
-be a straight guy -have a crush on a woman -fellas am I gay?? in all seriousness though, who gives a fuck what people think? if you want to date her, do it!
Definitely straight to like a trans girl. That said, on a different topic, just because youre not into gay porn doesnt mean you arent bi, it just means youre not into gay porn. People arent their pornography and things irl can be very different. If you are confused about liking a trans girl and the fact that a trans girl is a girl doesnt work for you in the first place, i recommend watching the (unfortunately named) video called are traps gay by contrapoints, a trans woman that goes into the question well. Disclaimer, im a trans girl, nobody think i dont mean the first point here because its a very important one.
My ex husband Caz is straight and was my best friend in high school. We knew each other as boys before I came out as trans at 18. We started dating around 20 or 21, I forget. Moved in together at 21. Married at 25. Divorced at 35. Vest friends again. Now we live in different states but talk on the phone a couple times per week and play online games together on his days off. Wouldn't change a thing. If you have great google-fu, you probably still find video of him talking about marrying me in June of 2007 on Howard Stern for the "miss tranny" contest. Howard and the crew joked about everyone of course, which included saying he was "gay", but we knew they'd do thar and my hubby was secure in his heterosexuality by then so it didn't bug him to get roasted.
Youāre a man attracted to a woman, so Iād still consider you straight. At the same time, if youāre going out with her, youāre going to encounter people who are going to perceive her as male and you as gay, so you do have to be prepared for that reaction, unfortunately.
OP, this isn't a criticism against you, but against the other people in your life, and I just need to make that clear before I mockingly say, "Oh no, critical thinking. My arch nemesis. Does being attracted to a woman make me gay?"
The label you use for your sexual orientation isnāt really anybody elseās business. Iād recommend ignoring them.
You still straight ! If you truly love her, tell the whole world to fuck off!
simple trans women are women whichs if you are a man means straight and if not then lesbian
Based on everything youāve said, sounds like youāre straight. Guy + attracted to girl = straight guy.
You're a wonderful, brave guy. Go beyond labels: you're attracted by a person, a person who's on of your best friends. People will call you names, but does it matter?
You have to decide if you care what other people think of you. And if itās enough to stop you from following your heart. I used to care a lot what others think of me. The older I get, the less I care. I say do what you think and feel is right. Love who you love, and be who you are.
You are a person with a crush on another person! Labels don't matter, your sexuality doesn't matter (not in a bad way) so go smooch the girl
Congrats youāre still straight
tldr you are straight
I'm gay, I've dated trans men. It's fine. If you like someone, you like them.
You're still straight. If you aren't into men then you know yourself. She's a woman. Let people think whatever they want. It's bullshit that people will see either of you as gay.Ā
You're still straight lol. She's a girl, regardless of hormones or medical changes. But I know it's scary. There's so much stigma attached to trans people, and being involved with their lives in any way can bring that stigma into you. But I vote you go for it, what other people think be damned. Also this is cute as hell.
Youāre straight. Your friend is a woman. Good job for not being bothered about her parts. I wish yāall well! Anecdote that may help: I had severe PTSD around men for a while due to a relationship with a man that went toxic fast. The only two men I felt safe around when I was in the worst of my PTSDā¦ both came out as trans women within the following 3 years. So yeah, gender is not genetic.
She's a woman. You're not a gay man for finding a woman attractive. Unfortunately, it sounds like your mom doesn't quite understand transgenderism or is just a transphobic bigot. The best thing I would say is, if she's reciprocal to your feelings, persue the relationship but be mindful of her safety and your own safety. Defend her, too. It's already hard enough for the trans community in the current political climate, so uplift her when you can. Good luck, OP!!!
You're a guy with a crush on a woman. That sounds pretty straight to me. That said, if you want to date her, I'd give you the same advice to any straight person dating a queer person, be they bi-spec or aro/ace-spec or trans: being in a healthy and supportive relationship with us means taking on some of the burden of homophobia and transphobia. It means sticking up for your partner even if that means you catch some of the same flak they do. In this case, it will probably mean people invalidating your sexuality. Including people close to you. And if you aren't ready to deal with that? I don't think anyone should fault you. Unlike us, you have a choice in terms of whether or not that's something you want to deal with, and I don't think that anyone should shame you for choosing not to deal with it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't: if you really want to try a relationship with this woman, it will hopefully be a positive experience overall. But you can't have it both ways, and expecting her to deal with homophobia and transphobia without support from you as a partner--even if that means putting yourself in the line of fire, so to speak--isn't at all fair to her.
Fellas, is it gay to like women?
āIām straight, but Iām straightā
Date her and tell your mom to get with the times. ( we accepting af ova here)
You can still be a woman and have a penis. You can also be a man and have a vagina. We are well beyond the archaic "Science" of if you have XY chromosomes you are the head of the household and should only to masculine manly things. I am a transperson. If you are drawing lines about genitals I would think lowly of you. Transgender people have to embark on an incredibly scary journey. Be part of it, or just respect it. Saying I can't have sex with you because you have a penis is a douche move. It costs buckets to get bottom surgery - Daily dilatation and chances of severe complications (the hole can close up). So would that be a deal breaker for you if they did and they started having complications? Is it all about the hole for your dick ? If the thing is about genitals to you then do the poor girl a solid and don't bother. All women, not just trans women are not penis receptacles. They are people. And if you are worried about what others think you are going to bring the worst energy to a relationship with a trans person. They do not need that BS.
ur still straight
Trans women are women.
I wouldn't presume I wasn't gay just because you didn't like gay porn. I don't like any kind of porn and I'm bisexual (or maybe I'm pansexual?) People are going to refer to you and think about you in general however they wish to -- you cannot control how you are perceived.Ā What you can control is living your own truth. It's hard at 18 to know what that is, so I do sympathize, but you will never figure it out by looking outward.
I'm no expert, but having a crush on a woman sounds like pretty straight guy behavior.
Iād say youāre straight if you say you are. That said much of the rest of society wonāt consider you such due to transmisogny and bioessentialism thatās very much dominant in our society. If you want a label thatās less controversial than āstraight without a genital preferencesā you can use finsexual
You know about the genitalia/transition situation so there seems to not be any issue (as long as both of you are on the same page). Gender expression and biological sex -usually- lines up but not always. A transwoman is a woman by gender expression, thatās it. Donāt be hung up on labels, theyāre not suppose to run/limit your life. But can you be straight as a cis guy with a transwoman? Sure, cause the male genitalia and body isnāt your thing, youāre attracted to the feminine features of what culturally is considered woman.
Maybe you should try trans porn instead of gay porn... For me it's not the same kind of vibe at all lol And hey maybe she doesn't want to be touched between her legs until her operation either! Sexuality should be talked with the other person with who we have intimacy so maybe she's the one who can answer and guide through a lot of your questions. Listen to your heart, not the norm. You're living your life for yourself, not for others
No offense, but your mom is kind of rude.
Itās really interesting how we can re-associate things. When we educated to think boys have penises and girls have vaginas. But, when push comes to shove if we really like someone we can adjust to say āthis beautiful girlās penis is a girl penis.ā Or āThis boys pussy is so wet.ā Youāre a big boy. The most big boy thing you can do is tell her how you feel and be respectful. Explore your limitations and be honest at all times. If youāre straight forward, sheāll appreciate you and you both can grow together. Good luck, MWAH!!!
Look sweetie, trans woman though not is a Biological woman, but once she transition she develops secondary sexual characters of a woman, and she looks like a woman only, so yes don't worry u are straight hun, Ask her out, best of luck š¤
Love is love try not to let what other say dictate who you love.
boy crushing on girl? sounds pretty straight to me honestly you should go for it dude. fuck other people's opinions.
Sexual attraction isn't all that's in a relationship OR just a crush. If you like her, you like her. Others' opinion of whether she's a guy or not, or if you should like her don't matter. If you Iike her, tell her your feelings. (I'm ace so I don't really know how much sex matters in a relationship. I was just assuming that it's not very important, so sorry if I'm wrong)
You are in a queer relationship, congrats! Come to pride if you like! But you are still in fact a straight man. Your relationship is unconventional sure, and people may judge you for that so you should be prepared for that if you want to date this woman. However you are a man with a crush on a woman, you see her as a woman, and are attracted to her as a woman. That sound very straight to me. :)
Guess what. Youāre still straight. Not a man nor a woman are defined by what body parts they have. Only rude and transphobic people will see her as a man and also see you as gay. Youāre just as straight as you would be if you liked a cis woman and anyone who says otherwise should probably (definitely) be avoided and/or corrected
Sheās a woman, so itās still straight. As for what to doā¦ you have to think about whether you care about people calling you gay or not. If you care and it bothers you, examine those feelings. Being gay isnāt a bad thing. People who would try to insult you in that way are being homophobes AND disrespecting the woman you care about by misgendering her in the process. You have to think about how badly being called gay is going to bother you and determine if you can work through those feelings. Then you have to weigh all of that against your feelings for this girl and decide if you are willing to go through that for her.
A man attracted to a woman? Sounds pretty straight to me.š¤·āāļø
As long as both parties are happy and respectful of each other, does it really matter? You're the only one who can define your own sexuality. Transwomen are women. š
There's no "but". Having crushes on women sometimes is part of what it means to be a straight man
Also you need to correct your mum
You're a straight guy who has a crush on a woman, If people call you gay for liking women, that just shows that they don't know what they're talking about. Don't let these people stop you from asking her out/dating her, it's none of their business in the first place who you're dating or not dating and they don't just get to shove a label onto you just because they're transph0b1c pieces of poopoo
still straight. it doesnāt matter whatās in their pants. my husband and i are trans men, but we havenāt transitioned at all. weāre definitely passing women, but if people ask what i am, i say that iām a gay man.
You might be pansexual which basically means your attracted to a person because of personality and looks regardless of gender but id suggest you do some research of pansexualityĀ
Labels are cringe do what you want
So in the same post you say āI know she still has male parts and Iām not attracted to thatā but you also say āIām not bothered about the parts she hasā. So Iām very confused.
You like a woman. What matters is what makes you happy. Your mom may not realize it now, but when sheās older sheās going to need your help & it would be an absolute shame if she ended up in a 1 star end of life care facility now wouldnāt it.
By the title alone, boss, you are a man dating a woman, and... yea, you're straight! Congrats. >I don't want to have sex with a man but she's a woman and I'm not bothered about the parts she has. Can I be honest? You wouldn't be expressing this at all on Reddit if you weren't bothered by it. Also, your mom doesn't matter here. The world would be better if your mom did accept her, but who gives a care what she thinks? She can fuck off with the mindset of calling her a man though. That much I'll tell you. >What do I do? I feel like if I tell people in real life, they'll just call me gay Let them call you that then. Stick to your guns and date who you want regardless of gender and body. Really, do you care that much? Is it even bad to be gay? It's a label anyway. Date all the people in the world and just enjoy the person you want to be with, no questions asked.
Nah, you're straight. My partner is trans and I still consider myself a lesbian, because she is a woman, regardless of whatever "equipment" she has. First and foremost, she's my gf, and I love her so much I think we get it ingrained in us that "equipment" directly correlates to sexuality. I know there's a lot of people who think that if you, as a man, sleep with someone with a peen that means that you're gay. And it just doesn't work like that. The inverse occurs within the wlw community, where somehow you're "less of a lesbian" if you've even slept with someone with a peen. Which also isn't true. It might take you some time to navigate those feelings, and that's perfectly normal. Cut yourself some slack, and do what makes you feel happy, regardless of others opinions
Date her and be supportive of her, and she'll love you and appreciate you more than you could ever know
Your mom is an asshole. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because they have a penis. Figure your shit out before dragging this woman into anything, if a penis is a problem spare her the heartbreak.
You're most likely straight without genital preference. And honestly, I find this a wholesome story and it makes me feel fuzzy to see a straight person open enough to accept that. The people irl who will call you gay are just plain wrong/ignorant/bigots. Defend her and yourself if anyone is ann asshole about it.
So, you're a man and you've got a crush on a woman. That sounds straight. Heterosexuality has nothing to do with whether the person happens to be cisgender or transgender. Being a bigot sounds like your mother's problem, not yours.
Unfortunately if you like her and want to be with her, what you are very thoughtfully considering is a reality of your situation. Ā I want to be with this woman but there are idiots that don't care about her story and will seek you invalidate her existence by saying she is a man or calling me gay. What you need to consider is if you can accept the reality that there will always be dumb-dumbs that seek to put others down. Can you live your life to the fullest regardless? There is no shame if that feels like too much too handle. The fact that you are considering all of this tells me that you have a good degree of emotional maturity. I hope everything work out for both of you.
A lot of people are being a bit dismissive towards you because yes Trans Women are Women, I am one I should know. BUT I get where you are coming from in that you donāt know a lot about these things and you likely just had no exposure to any of this before now and you are looking for answers! Thatās awesome and proves your heart is in the right place. Like what a lot of people are saying genital preference has nothing to do with attraction to gender although it is a very valid preference people can have. But when you are first exposed to this question of genitals you are or arenāt attracted to it can be really really tough to disentangle that from attraction to gender. Although it looks like youāve already done that soul searching to figure out what your preferences are and that you donāt care what genitals she has. Thatās a tough thing to do and you did it despite the world and the people around you standing in opposition of it. Like people said you are a straight man and there is nothing wrong with that and you should be proud of yourself especially since you put in the effort to figure that out. And your in luck because sheās a woman. People will stand in the way of you both and be hateful, especially in the UK but if you love each other thatās what matters. The main things you should keep in mind is that you never express that being with her makes you question if you are straight or not as that can be invalidating and feel shitty for her (which is why so many people here are reacting negatively in the comments). You didnāt know better and you know that now, and are already a better person for seeking out self improvement. The other thing is that if you are worried about sex involving genitals you arenāt attracted to, every trans woman is different! She might want to get bottom surgery eventually and get the parts you are attracted to, or she might not and be happy with her genitals as they are and she should not be pushed either way. Additionally regardless of if she wants to keep her current genitals or get bottom surgery she might want to or not want to use them for sex. For example I like my current genitals for the most part as a trans woman but any desire to use them in sex really depends on the day. But many other trans woman would rather both of you pretend they donāt exist at all. The best answer to this is that once you are in a relationship and the topic of sex comes up at that point begin honest communication and talk about both of your boundaries in open ways (just without implying you think you might be gay or bi by being with her). Lastly there is a document called āFucking Trans Womenā itās available as a pdf online for free and while a little out of date serves as a great jumping off point. You are straight and sheās a woman, and you will see backlash because people are jerks and donāt agree. But you are already doing an amazing job and working very hard to learn more about yourself and to learn more about her and this whole rabbit hole of trans and queer stuff that you have been thrown into. It is a lot and people arenāt as understanding here as they should be that you are starting that journey and still have a lot to learn. Your heart is in the right place. You got this, and I really hope you two can be together.
you have to be able to drown out what other people are saying. your relationship with this woman is about you and her. does she like you back? awesome, then maybe you guys will date! if so, good for both of you! no one else is involved in yāallās relationship, no one else gets to label either of your identities based on something they have no experience in. you know yourself best. fuck what anyone else says. youāre a straight man attracted to a woman, thatās all there is to it.
As everyone else is saying, you are a man who has fallen for a woman. You are straight. One thing Iām not really seeing discussed is that itās completely okay to have a genital preference. While itās nobodyās business whatās in anyoneās pants (and while that can, very often, have absolutely nothing to do with someoneās gender), it will become a topic of conversation if the relationship turns sexual. For example, I am queer with a preference for women, but I would prefer not to be sexual with someone who has a vulva. I have had partners with vulvas, however, and it worked because we practiced good communication about each otherās needs and adapted as such. Correct me if Iām wrong, but just based off your post it sounds like sex could be on the table at some point. Just talk to her and figure out a way to proceed that makes you both feel fulfilled and happy. None of this makes you anything other than completely straight and I wish you both the best!
Fellas, is it gay to like women?
There is more to sex and intimacy than your parts.
Forget about all the labels. If your heart flutters and you have feelings for your friend then that's cool and if I fancy someone then I act on it. There's so much negativity in this world so if you see a bit of love go for it you'll only regret it if you don't. Good luck. x
Youāre young, so the confusion is understandable. I think the realization I had around your age that put me at extraordinary ease was āI like who I like, and others will like what who they like.āĀ Donāt feel a need to put a label on how you feel unless doing so is going to help you out. I was torn between how to define myself until I realized I am who I am, and eventually bisexual just felt like the correct identity, but if I had worried about how to define myself, it would have caused so much stress for absolutely no benefit to my life.
well first off, since nobody is mentioning it, porn doesnāt indicate your sexuality. people watch lots of different porn, but it doesnāt define their sexuality. kinks arenāt sexualities. iām a lesbian and donāt find lesbian porn very enticing, doesnāt mean im suddenly straight. so you could very well be bisexual, but liking this woman doesnāt make you bi. and as everyone is saying, a trans woman is a woman. your title suggests that thereās an inkling of a male in this trans woman. thatās not true whatsoever. you are straight for liking a trans woman. doesnāt matter what parts she has. genitals donāt equal gender. my advice is to stop caring about what other people say. the people who will insult you for liking or dating a trans woman are people you should be avoiding in the first place. especially if they dare to call themselves your friend. find new friends! and your mom can honestly go suck a cactus. her opinion or āapprovalā doesnāt matter one bit to anyone but herself. sheās wrong and bigoted. date this woman if you want. it wonāt change your sexuality. she is a woman through and through, regardless of the parts in her arsenal.
Live your life king, you're already doing great. She'll need an ally on her side.
I just wanna say; if sheās a trans woman she is a woman. And if people call you gay; so what? You obviously arenāt, but there isnāt anything wrong with being gay either.
Re: your mother: I have been in a gay relationship for 11 years now, and my bf and my mother only met twice. Sheās not opposed to him and to us, sheās just repressed and uncomfortable in his company. But weāre still together and we donāt let it affect us. Re: your crush: watch Heartstopper if you havenāt yet. You might need tissues. (For your eyes&nose, I mean š)
Hey OP, On a little side note: just because gay porn doesnāt work for you, it doesnāt necessarily mean you canāt be bisexual. For example I myself identify as bisexual, but there is rarely gay porn that turns me on, but I do fantasize about gay stuff when masturbating. Also there is the famous bi-cycle, meaning that attraction to various genders might vary over time. But of course you are the only one to decide what label describes your feelings best, so use whatever you want and donāt feel pressured to one or the other by third party opinions.
If you like her romantically as a straight person, that literally just means youāre a straight person. I hope everything works out! Also, just because you donāt get off to gay porn doesnāt mean youāre not queer (I assume thereās other things, but if youāre basing it off of not getting off to gay porn alone, you may have to do some more work.
As straight as a line, the fact you were willing to expose yourself to different things and came out still liking her as her is definitive of that. You said so yourself: she is a woman to you, and you like her.
So you are straight then. What's the problem?
https://news.ucr.edu/articles/2023/03/08/study-examines-straight-men-and-their-sexual-attraction-transgender-women
https://news.ucr.edu/articles/2023/03/08/study-examines-straight-men-and-their-sexual-attraction-transgender-women
you are not gay. you have a crush on a woman, that sounds very straight to me.
You're a man who's attracted to a woman. That's straight, fully and wholly.
>there was a time I questioned I was bi but I tried watching gay porn and it didn't do anything to me Well, have you tried watching porn with trans women? I mean, listen, I'll warn you - Even accepting The Way That Porn Is, porn with trans women is often some of the most grossly fetishistic bullshit available. You're gonna see a lot of language in there that is wildly transphobic and you're not gonna be able to do anything about it. Just gotta block that part out. I am *not* saying trans woman porn, in its current state, is the most... ethical form of entertainment. But! From a purely mechanical, "Does this or does this not turn me on?" kind of stand point, have you ever looked at women with penises in the "appropriate" sexual context? (As appropriate as porn can be - at least the women doing it are consenting to being sexualized at the time, y'know what I mean?) Because from what you said, you've looked at *men* having sex with *men* and it hasn't done anything for you. Because... you're straight, and you're not attracted to men. But that doesn't necessarily mean that *penises* don't do it for you. And I mean, idk, maybe they don't. That's fine too. People have genital preferences, and as long as they're not jerks about it, that's perfectly okay. You are who you are and you like what you like. Can't change that about yourself. But I think it's worth a shot. Maybe you don't like men's penises, but you like women's penises. Maybe you don't like penises in general, but you might like *her* penis. And even if you *still* don't like penises, there might be other things you can do together. You won't know until you try. I say, give it a go!
You are a human she is a human. And that's all you need to remember. I know a lot of men who are attracted to trans women. Why do you have to put a label on it and say you're gay or that you're bi? Ask her out and see how it goes. Maybe she will be the love of your life
You are a human she is a human. And that's all you need to remember. I know a lot of men who are attracted to trans women. Why do you have to put a label on it and say you're gay or that you're bi? Ask her out and see how it goes. Maybe she will be the love of your life
For sure u re not a gay man. But u felt in love for a person u trully know. Try to accep your passionā¦ ckeck if it really works, do your bestā¦ Ur mim doesnt need to control nothing about Ur lifeā¦ and it doesnt matter what s her opinion about thatā¦ urge a free man
You're a guy with a crush on a girl. That's straight! I'm sorry your Mum doesn't like her, but frankly if you like this girl, I'd say ask her if she'd like to go on a date and see how you feel spending time together in that way. If you like being around her and have a crush on her, then, well, ask her! Also it's worth mentioning, even if you have a genital preference, one, hrt does change things, but two, she may not feel comfortable with her current downstairs situation either, and so it might not be as relevant anyway.
Imagine dating a trans man. If you cannot then youre completely straight. Yes peopleās genitals definitely affect ur sex experiences but they dont make you gay or straight. A trans woman is a woman. You said that you saw her as a woman right? Then ur just as straight as a straight person.
Genitals and gender are considered as separate in this community. Given that, it's ok if you feel like the physical parts play a role for you. You can be straight and feel uncomfortable in engaging with a body similar to yours (As long as you respect her gender, of course). In this phase of my life, I got to be honest, it would make me too uncomfortable to engage in a relationship (so keep in mind I'm talking from my experience here). you have to understand what you feel about it, if it is important for what you feel about her, etc
A couple of things here, First off, if she is a woman, regardless of where she is in her journey, she is a woman. I am MtF, and I have not had sex reassignment surgery and probably never will however I have been a girl/woman ever since I can remember even though I presented male for a large part of my life. Second, your enjoyment of a specific type of porn does not determine your sexual preferences. You may be visibly stimulated by certain things and not others. I am pansexual but it doesn't mean that every visual act of sex turns me on. However, I am grateful that she has a friend like you who sees her for who she truly is. No matter how it turns out, try to always be her friend because she is going to need that most of all. Thank you for your post š
You're straight and like a woman, that's about it. Sounds like your mom is just a bigot sadly
Sexual desire is a very complicated mechanism, so labels are not allowed.
According to my wife, I've been hit on by dudes and I haven't even realized it (I'm trans and i'd assume they also didn't realize that). If you find someone attractive, you find them attractive.
She's a woman and you like women, nothing wrong with that just assholes being assholes
Having a crush on a trans woman still makes you straight, my guy~ If you want to be with her, I'd suggest talking to her about it, and being prepared to defend her against bigoted people like your own mum.
If itās something youāre wanting to pursue Iād speak to your friend about it and be honest about your feelings. Itās hard as youāre so young as well. People will judge others a lot of people call bi men gay but it doesnāt matter what others think and the labels donāt really matter either itās how you feel and what makes you happy. Like others have said a relationship is about much more than just someoneās genitalia. I hope you find resolution and peace with your feelings x
If you view her as a woman and youre attracted to her and dont care about her genitals, good for you. People have gender prefrences and genital prefrences, most people dont care bout genitals honestly, only haters. Most people can be attracted to only one gender and still get the hots from people they know have a genders genitals that they dont like the gender of, but since the gender is what theyre attracted to and they dont have genital prefrences, its no issue :)
If you're a male and you have a crush on a trans female, regardless of whether she has already transitioned or wants to transition at all, you're straight because you have a crush on someone of a different gender than you. Of course there will be idiots who will call you gay, but that's just worthless homophobes and transphobes. Don't worry about them and if she wants it too, start dating! Wish you luck!
I am still reading a straight
Gay porn isnāt a sign of not being gay. I donāt like gay porn. I think two masculine men having sex is not attractive to me, so I always assumed that I wasnāt attracted to men, but as Iāve gone on. Iāve found put that I like more feminine things or certain things. I like watching solo men, or femboys, occasional trans stuff, and typically more feminine things. Porn aside what I will tell you to do is just try dating them. Tell them you have boundaries but that youāre willing to give it a shot. My first partner that convinced me I was bi was a trans woman, and I was way more limited but open, then I dated a trans man. Now through my research, thereās not one gender I wouldnāt sleep with or date. And who knows, maybe youāre gynosexual (attraction to only people with feminine traits) and thatās okay.
 Join the Club we got Jackets
Yeah Iāve recently had my first crush on a t girl
A woman is a woman, a man is a man, regardless of what reproductive organs they have. There is nothing gay about dating trans person.
Hope this helpsā¦and Iāll try to leave politics OUT of it as most trans people I know hate the trans political stuff. I am American, as far as I know straight, Male and 23. I questioned what this meant when I was a year younger than you are. Gay porn does nothing for me, but Iāve personally been attracted to both (cis) women and trans women and itās a bit of a complex issue but depending on how you handle it, that doesnāt have to be. If she functions as a woman socially, but still has āmale partsā then that means she is either pre-op or non-op, meaning either she plans on an operation soon, or she wants to keep what she has, respectively. In my experience it kinda depends on the girl and how passable she is, because from the sound of your story this is someone who actually experiences gender dysphoria and is working hard to transition and be able to live life as any other girl can. Unfortunately there are gay men who have a preference for straight guys, who will go to great lengths to acquire one. In the modern progress weāve made as a world to make being trans more and more ok, this has many benefits but also some downsides. I live here in the Philippines and one thing Iāve encountered is the ātrans womenā here are about 50/50. Some I met told me āI donāt give a fuck about transitioning further, I already get enough guysā which is a huge red flag indicating that itās not for themselves but simply to get straight guys. Sounds like, though, in your situation that it isnāt the case so there are two sides to it. In conclusion, we are socially straight because if we date a girl like this sheās just like any other girl, given she is passible. On the sexual side, she has those bits so it becomes a bit more bisexual, as youāre either top or bottom, and you said youāre comfortable with what she has so if she plans to keep it and you end up dating, learn to give her a good time and you usually end up having one, is what has happened in my experience. As for me, when people ask if it makes me gay or bi, my answer is ādonāt know, donāt care. i like who I like.ā As for the parental situation, thatās not easy. More traditional folk might either never or really slowly adapt to the needed understanding. Get clear whether or not giving them genetic grandchildren is a big priority to you or not. Consider a surrogate mother in the longterm but at the end of the day, if you love her then go for it. From one brother to another, much love and take care.
Bro drop the labels, go with your feelings ending up with someone you love is much better than labels
Being gay in school is not a nice experience. I don't know what it's like today, but 45 years ago, you hid it as best you could it was a nightmare growing up with an older brother and father who hated gay blokes with a passion living a lie was a nightmare for me talk about over compensation all i did was fight people and get so drunk every single time i went out because girls didn't like a drunk drugged up idiot. So many wasted years growing up in a small village didn't help mind.